What is posted here is a true account of my relationship with a borderline personality. As you read it, some of you will find it hard to believe. I found it hard to believe. Part of the reason I have to write it down is to remind myself that it actually happened. I devoted months to researching BPD, because I didn’t know what to believe. But this is what a BPD relationship will do to you. It will make you doubt your own instincts and your own memories.

Borderlines are so detached from reality, they can actually make you think you’re the one who’s crazy. They will abuse you and then will deny everything. They will antagonize you and wonder why their life is filled with turmoil. They will spend months convincing you they love you and then months later will wonder why you don’t just “move the fuck on”.

But don’t take my word on any of this. Do your own research. Out there, you will find hundreds of stories identical to mine. BPD is real. It is not the figment of a jaded lover’s imagination. The world is just becoming aware of this strange affliction. This blog is my contribution to this awareness. My ex is working hard to forget her history of abusive behavior, but this blog will remain as a reminder.

Even my critics can not ignore the mountain of evidence out there. I’ve silenced them with the truth. It wasn’t an easy fight. Borderlines and their enablers will fight hard to cover up their tracks. They will deny and project. They will slander you and gaslight you. They will do anything to suppress the truth. But there is no stronger evidence than the borderline’s own life, a life filled with conflict and chaos. The hardest battle has been the one to get my borderline ex to take a long hard look at herself.

Eventually, I’ll move on. But she has yet to acknowledge the pain she has caused me and she probably never will. So for now, it is important for me to remind her and myself that it did happen. For now, it’s important for me to tell my story.

217 Responses to “The Truth”

  1. Skyr said

    I don’t know I chanced on this website but I did. Your story sounds not unlike mine, or any number of people screwed over by my borderline ex (most involving accusations of sexual assault or abuse).

    Hey, it’s 4yrs since I have anything to do with her. She still leaves a bitter taste but it’s but a distant memory. You’ll be the same.

    You dedicated a blog to your ex, I dedicated the website above. View as pagesource if you want to find out what she was like.

  2. Tim said

    I was married to someone with BPD and I couldn’t even begin to share many of the stories for years because of the shame I felt for putting up with the endless abuse, manipulations and destruction of my name. It was the movie Fatal Attraction x 10. (That is a movie portrayal about someone with BPD for those don’t know what the illness is.) I thought somehow I was doing the right thing by staying with her. She begged me for help in between her endless abusive behavior, paranoia, wild rages, dissociation, anxiety attacks and bulimia. I said I was leaving after a year and the threats of suicide started every time she then thought I was going to abandon her.

    I finally learned the suicide threats were nothing more than manipulation and hauled her to a mental health hospital every time she threatened suicide. That stopped those manipulations. When I finally was out for good after about three years, she then recentered me as the enemy for abandoning her and spent all of her energy trying to destroy me. My life was nearly in shambles both emotionally and literally.

    She had made up lies, got me fired, she told everyone I worked with that I was an abuser and on and on. She had me arrested for accusations of domestic violence. This, even though I had moved out and was first calling the police on her when she kept showing up at my new house, screaming through the windows all hours of the night and ultimately on the one occasion I opened the door, physically attacking me.

    Charges were never filed against me because I had tapes of her admitting she lied to the police and I never touched her; something I had learned from my divorce attorney. She would have ended up with charges against her for filing a false police report and domestic violence were my attorney not to have gotten her extricated from the mess she created. Extricated only because it served my purpose of getting as far away from her as I could rather than putting my issues into the hands of a court bureaucrats where guilty and innocent are myths; something I found out to be very unproductive. The police and courts are not there to protect men under current laws.

    I had a psychiatrist who saw her tell me that I should move as far away as possible because BPD didn’t understand a restraining order. And on and on and on. In short, I am not afraid of hell. I have lived it. But I am afraid of BPD, although I realized showing any weakness or compassion is foolhardy as people with BPD are simply predators. This is born out by the violent offender profiles in prison who are substantially inflicted with BPD.

    The only advice I can give anyone who knows someone with BPD is to run. Run for your life. Literally.

  3. Jack said

    This site is very helpful. Nice work! Thank you!

  4. Anonymous coward said

    I love someone who is borderline. It is fine as long as it is from a distance – we were intimately close for a while once but I could see where it was going, that it was dangerous, and we agreed to split up and do the “friends” thing before it got… nasty. (I’ve been with numerous borderlines and was brought up by one, so I know the score)

    It’s funny – the best thing that can happen is that you stop seeing each other, civilizedly, but it still hurts.

    • savorydish said

      You were lucky. My borderline exes couldn’t even handle being “friends”. Hostility was the only way they could deal.

      • You sure have a totally
        “GREAT” point here @savorydish….My BPDex ..I stop short of begging for friendship…I won’t lie, I tried to first be friends with benefits…but I quickly saw how she was going to play me on that one…This was after she had moved back to her home town…….And I got wind that she had contacted her ex lover before me to invite him over to see her new home….She and I had planned for me to come there …but a few days before the move she just totally cut me out …had me looking for movers , then out the blue told me that she had found her own….I know its was some trickery in there….., And I just went on and forgot about it….Cause I knew it was all lies…..:(

  5. Downhome Girl said

    I think I may have been involved with someone with BPD. By chance, I was reading about BPD yesterday and it struck me. I recently rekindled a romance with someone from a long time ago, and it was perfect- at first. We were both in bad marriages, living with our spouses as roommates. I was more cautious than he was, but he was over-the-top crazy about me. He came to visit me on the west coast for a week. After our trip, and after his teenage daughter, who had previously looked through his phone at his text messages, told the wife about the text messages, his behavior toward me, our relationship, and my children changed dramatically. Yet, the relationship continued for about a month. As a result of the shift in his behavior, my behavior toward him changed as well. Additionally, I suddenly had needs with my husband moving out, which was a problem for this BPD individual. He wasn’t interested in talking about my needs anymore (as he has been open to before), but rather seemed to talk about these trivial random topics and stories which he had already told me multiple times. Somehow all these changes were because of me, he implied. He just saw me giving him “mixed messages,” or saw I had another side to my personality that he didn’t like. This man professed his undying love for me, calling me several times a day, saying all the right things, things I never heard from a man before. I ignored red flags because I loved him for many years, and then it was rekindled, and I tend to accept that people have both good and bad qualities. And then one day, he just never called me back. Then I had a crisis, and was upset when I called the next time (family dog got hit by a car), and he never called back. A few days went by, and he never called back. This occurred after him calling maybe 5 times a day in the beginning, although a couple months later, after his wife found out, he did not call as often, and was not nearly as effusive. In short, he excised me from his life as though I never existed. When a mutual friend tried to talk to him as well, he was also ignored that person. I have never been treated like this in my life. People tell me it is because I was never involved with someone who was married, but that is not it here. With the exception of their sick codependent relationship, my BDP boyfriend and his wife’s romantic relationship is really over. There is no doubt about that. It’s been hard to deal with because it feels like there is no closure. I just don’t get it, and it still hurts. I wonder if it makes him sad? He surrounds himself by drinking buddies who tell him he is OK, and it his wife that has caused all of his problems- and when I sent him a letter (which went unanswered), I asked him if I am the monster now too? I just don’t get it. It is hard not to hurt.

    • savorydish said

      You were both needy. And he was using you to fill the empty gap. Maybe you were too. If he treats people like this, then you are better off without him. You can only imagine what the wife went through.

      • Downhome Girl said

        I was definitely needy. No question about that. It is important to note that I don’t think anybody is without issues. I can read about disorders all day and find traits about myself in there. The bottom line is none of us is perfect, and in hindsight now I see that order to allow myself to get involved with an individual like this i was in a really bad place myself. I think anyone who gets involved with an individual like this has plenty of their own issues for not being able to walk away at the first sign of abuse or major red flags.

        I was really seeking friendship, and I was clear about that repeatedly. I truly loved this person, but did not want to go from the fire (a bad marriage) into the frying pan (another heavy relationship). He kept insisting he wanted more than that. If anyone had ever told me when the relationship was “on” that when it was off, it would be as it is now (and without warning), I would have laughed at them. I don’t actually know if he has BPD, or if he is just screwed up. But the way he cut me off completely, as though I never existed, without warning, and how when I complimented him he was so self-deprecating, as though he was trying to convince me of his worthlessness, and when he would make really mean comments to me rather than just come out and say such and such is bothering me, seem to indicate some of those traits. This was a long-distance relationship so I don’t really know what he “real” life was like. However, he is also an alcoholic, having been drinking at least a six pack of beer a day for 30 years. The beauty of this man’s poetry to my ears allowed me to ignore all the warning signs until I was hurt. Then they all stared me directly in the face.

        I am grateful however, that this whole episode, however painful (and it still is), had really narrowed my issues down and pinpointed things in my life that I need to address to ensure this never happens again.

        This is a great forum by the way…

      • savorydish said

        Thank you. And thank you for sharing your story. This whole forum is not only about learning about people with BPD, it’s also about people like us. But learning about the disorder might give us insight into why we make the choices we do.

        It isn’t surprising that your BP was an alcoholic. Most PDs are. That is a sign that that person is coping with heavy duty pain. It is also a sign that person can not control their behavior. I’m sure he had positive qualities. They all do. But the question is why do we ignore the glaring negatives? Don’t we deserve someone who is healthy and whole? Isn’t that the biggest positive of all?

    • MIMI said

      for the past 12 months I had been on a relationship with a married man – we are both married – and we had agreed that if we, ever got emotionally involved with each other, we would leave/stop the affair. However, with him this was impossible, as he would always follow me, call me 5 times a day, send me emails, and text messages…He would not accept rejection …
      Also, I believed I was his world, I believed everything he said to me and even towards the end of the affair, when he told me ..If our spouses found out about us, what would we do, where to go, what to do, where to live….even that was discussed briefly by him…Poor me! All a game in his mind…a master of manipulations ….And my answer was always the same – we will be careful and we can not get that involved with each other –
      But unfortunately she, his wife, one day picked up his cell and read all the emails that he forgot to erase/delete – It has been hell since then and also, all of a sudden, he stopped contacting me! As if I have never existed!
      Also, she hacked into his laptop, got into our private emails and copied our ”own personal” pictures and sent them to all my friends, with dirty notes….yes it has been chaos and my life has been turned upside down…he is with his wife and I am with my husband….I never thought this person would be a BPD – co-dependent! Never! Every time I said I would want to end the affair he would cry! It has been so hard, not to be able to explain to him things and being abandoned like this, I guess in the end it is my fault I should never have had an affair with a married man! His wife has even sent emailes in my name to my friends, emails written by her, ficticiously under my name! Oh it hurts so bad! But it is too late, life goes on and I have to deal with the consequences ….thanks for listening….

      • savorydish said

        Mimi,
        He may very well have BPD. But you may want to look at your own borderline tendencies. You got involved with a married man. Did you ever think about your husband or his wife? You are suffering now, but did you ever think that you brought that on yourself. You have shown some serious self-destructive tendencies. Not to mention the harm you have caused others.

  6. My Borderline , Wow what a sad sad story , But what I have come to realize is that its all the same , and more of the same with most of em….I was a novice to BPD…and it was a wild ride….I knew it was something wrong with her cause my inter being was telling me so , But for the love of God I just couldn’t put my finger on it! She never admited to having the disorder , what she told me from the beginning of our rump was that she had a personality trait that only 2% of the population has….I guess she was not lying but she never told me what it was…..We had sex on the very first night….even though I talked about us being friends that night before the sex act, that didn’t seem to have a impact on her….She did all the classic things like told me I was the best lover she had ever had…..Our sex was mostly 50/50 give take at first then in the latter months it became one sided…., We went out to a nice birthday dinner for her , and I got blamed for a bad evening cause the mother that she totally hates chose not to call her cause she didn’t want to spend the money to call her to wish her a happy birthday ….I paid for that……I will write more, I promise

  7. Shanti said

    I stumbled upon this site recently. I admire your honesty, and your ability to re-visit your painful memories. I was in an extremely complicated 15-year relationship with my former best-friend. I don’t even know where to begin with telling you how messed up she was/is and how feeling the need to “help” her took over my life. I invested so much of myself that when I broke off our friendship, I felt dead inside. I had nothing more to give, and I wasn’t even the least bit remorseful for cutting her off so suddenly. What snapped me out of this vicious cycle was when my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She was sympathetic at first, but soon began falling into her old ways – being self-centered, attention-seeking, sad then angry then happy, etc…One night we were out with some friends and she got really drunk. She started going on about how much she hated herself, hated her boyfriend to the point that she was going to leave him that night. And leave him she did – but not without having us drive her to their place, trashing it, getting him out of bed and screaming at him, then having us get her stuff and drive her across the city to her parent’s house. I just went through the motions the entire time. Remaining calm, I apologized to her boyfriend as we left. When we got to her parents, she proceeded to lash out at her family, and play the victim. Meanwhile, no thanks was given to me for staying with her and not saying a word the entire time. Not to mention, she had roped me in to this emotional breakdown not having any consideration for what I must be going through emotionally given my dad’s diagnosis. When I was about to leave after she decided she would stay at her parent’s for a few days, she told me to come over tomorrow to help with moving her brother out of the house, like it was a given I wouldn’t have anything better to do. Part of this reasoning, of course, was my fault. I would always drop things to be with her, do things for her, be there for her. This time was different though. I felt anger building up inside, and like many times before, the anxiety associated with trying to suppress the anger towards her and compromising my true feelings/desires/needs. I don’t know it anyone else had these feelings, but I felt this anxiety almost every time I was with her – which was close to every day. Trust me, in retrospect, I realize our relationship was extremely unhealthy – mostly for me. So, back to the story. I lashed out. I couldn’t help it. I was shaking so badly with anger and frustration and resent towards her. I left to her in tears, but didn’t feel the need to comfort her. The next day I got a call from her. Like everyday. I didn’t pick up this time. She left a message. The same old, “When are you coming over?”. She called again. I didn’t pick up. She called again and again and several times after that. I didn’t pick up my phone for a week. I was done. Finally, I decided to pick up one day and she broke down. She apologized for everything, for the way she treated me. She said she couldn’t live without me, that I couldn’t just walk away from 15 years of being best friends, of being like sisters. I said I know, and told her I would talk to her soon, knowing in my heart that it was over. I knew what I had to do. I hung up and never called her again. She checked in the next week, but I told her I couldn’t talk. I walked away and never looked back. The anxiety stopped instantly. I am healthy and happy now. I don’t regret leaving things the way I did. She hurt me, her family, her friends, her boyfriends, but most of all she hurt herself. Sometimes I wonder how she’s doing and I hope she’s found the help she needs. Thanks for reading. And thank you for providing this forum. I actually needed to say all this and didn’t realize it until now.

  8. Violet said

    I have been struggling with being borderline since I was a teenager. I’ve never had a successful relationship but still consider myself the most dangerous degree of borderline…the high functioning kind. It’s sad to look into my past and see the massive trail of “bodies” I’ve left in my wake. If I wasn’t so self absorbed I’m sure I would feel guilty about it but instead there’s no guilt, just sadness.

    I’ve been married for 4 years…we dated and lived together for 3 years prior to marriage. I have tried therapy but can never stick with it. So I shut myself down in order to deal with being the way I am. I isolate myself from people as much as I can outside of work. I don’t do social networking things like twitter or fb either because it triggers my fear of rejection,abandonment,etc. Luckily,I’ve identified a large number of my triggers and try to force myself to keep it under control.

    I feel sorry for my husband. He adores me and he’s a really good man. He knows about the BP but seems resigned to deal with it in order to be with me. Which,of course, makes me shove him away. I email him when I’m feeling one of my moods coming on and explain to him anything I say or do is NOT his fault. I hate doing it and exposing myself that way but it’s the only way I can think to alleviate the pain I cause.

    I’m on the verge of just wanting to be alone. I fear being alone but I hate what I do to people even more than being alone. After many failed attempts at therapy, I’m discovering there really is NO hope for someone like me. Why wait around until i cheat or completely alienate him from his family and friends.

    Anyway, I didn’t mean to post a bunch of drivel…I wanted to tell you I think your blog is great and I’ve forwarded it to my husband. So, thanks for all the effort you put into this.

    • savorydish said

      Thanks Violet. Sorry to hear about your struggles, but at least you are trying. I appreciate the fact that you are willing to accept your condition. Good luck and feel free to update us.

  9. “DAYLIGHT AND DARKNESS by Smokey Robinson

    Midnight Sun , shinning through my darkest night

    Noonday Shadow ,blocking out my morning light

    You don’t even know what I’m talking about

    It’s what you do when you are just being you

    How can you be Daylight & Darkness , at the same time , oh babe
    How can you be Daylight & Darkness , at the same time ,

    Flowing candles hey, Burning and your sweet desire
    Eyes so Cold Hard to Handle
    Back and Forth from Ice to Fire
    You Don’t even know what you are putting me through
    With all these Bitter Sweet things that you do

    How can you be Daylight and Darkness , at the same time , oh
    How can you be Daylight and Darkness , at the same time

    O Babe Oh Babe
    You don’t even know what I’m talking about
    Its just your way baby, that”s what you say

    How can you be Daylight and Darkness ……same time
    How can you be Daylight and Darkness at the same time

    Ah Daylight , Daylight, Daylight, …Daylight
    Ooo Hoo Darkness , Darkness, Darkness ….at the same time

    How can you be Daylight and Darkness, at the same time
    Same time , Same time ……My Babe

    Ah , at the same time

    End

    I didn’t pen it but this should help your soul…..it might make you cry a bit but it will help you get strong and…..It will at least give you a clear question to ask em…….

  10. And She was a Narcissist as well , got to the point in our relationship about the 5th month , she would act like she was doing me a favor by allowing me to go at a certain event with her that only days or weeks earlier we had plan to go to together….What a shit bag she was and still is cause I know she is over in her home town doing the same things there as well.

  11. Did I also mention that she was a High Functioning Borderline……Good job , went to some great schools in this country…….But the biggest Grandiose broad I have ever met….now that I think about it……She would complain about dinners she had to pay for ….but it was ok for me to spend spend spend…….

  12. In the above post……When I was talking about some of her Proxies…..I think they was just trying to help some dude they knew that wanted to screw her and they were gassing it up by making me the wrong choice…….Mind you, that I had never and still has not ever met one of these people.

  13. Rapunzel said

    Hi. I am a 25 year old woman with a degree and a career, a published writer, a great friend, a wonderful sister and daughter, a person who works at cultivating my relationships and always tries to see the other half of a disagreement… And yet, i always second guess myself. I find myself apologizing for expressing my feelings. Always just to keep the peace. It has resulted in me attracting people who may not have the best intentions and who have take advantage of me. I never feel comfortable expressing my opinion and when I do, I immediately feel guilty afterwards. I know this is ridiculous and unhealthy, so i decided to get help. During my research about overcoming anxiety, and the inherent anger that I have developed out of resentment for failing to stand up for myself so many times (which you would never expect if you met me btw… To the outside, I am anything but spineless. The nature of my job requires me to have a spine…. My problems with being walked all over manifest in my personal relationships), I discovered BPD. Then I realized that a lot of the issues I have come from the fact that I have a parent suffering from it. Of course I’m angry. Think about how angry all of you are– and you were just in a relationship with the person. This meant you could walk away. I, on the other hand, have been fighting this illness as a lifelong battle– even when I was an ill-equipped child. Learning to value myself and trust the world isn’t easy when the one person you are supposed to trust the most has continuously hurt you from the beginning. Unlike my parent, my struggle has not been learning to “not play the victim.” My struggle has been accepting that I am one. I don’t deserve it and never have. When someone upsets me, or does something shitty, be it a friend, a lover, a family member, it’s not my job to walk in their shoes. It’s okay to be upset. The majority of my life, I was told by my bpd parent that I was a drama queen or being “negative” if something upset me. Usually, the things upsetting me were normal things to be upset about. Needless to say, I have been filled with rage by stifling my feelings and thank god I am finally seeking the help I need. I know you are all hurting bc of exes, and frankly, I understand your pain bc i have another parent, who is healthy, and I know that parent’s struggle has been immense… They are divorced now. But that struggle is nothing compared to a child of a bpd. And I think you should all remember something here, bc I see a lot of anger, and I share that sentiment… But here’s the thing: these people are sick. Sick. And sure, thy should be held accountable, but they should not be demonized. That’s too easy and it will get you nowhere. Be angry for a little while, but please, for your own mental health, don’t stay angry. If I can accept that, with the things I have been put through for the last 25 years of my life, I think you all can, too. Their power comes from control. Staying angry continues to feed their control. The way I get by is by thinking of my parent as kind of well, kind of mentally challenged… Haha. Yes, think of it that way. It makes me giggle a bit. It’s better to giggle than scowl. They have a sad existence and they are missing out on so much that the rest of us get to experience. I protect myself by keeping the relationship on my own terms and taking things my parent does with a grain of salt. Old nutso’s acting up again. Ya know? And as far as the smear campaigns go, the only way to deal with it is to prove yourself otherwise to the people who have been told lies about you by the bpd. This may seem unfair. It is. Why should you have to prove yourself? You shouldn’t. But the truth is, you must take back control of the situation and you will never do that by trying to point out the bpd’s illness. Bpds are too good at manipulating. You won’t win, bc what will happen is it will look like you are trying to smear the bpd. Frustrating. The only way to get someone to see the light is to physically show them, not tell them about it. It’s hard to bite your tongue (trust me, I know) but if you bite your tongue you may just get the chance to lift the curtain later on. So, in conclusion, try to forgive. I know it’s difficult, but the only person you are hurting by not coming to terms with your anger is yourself. Don’t let them hurt you more than they already have. Take care!!!

    • savorydish said

      Thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom. And I am sorry you had to go through a lifetime of this. You are not alone. Many of us here speak about an ex that had BPD, but it is rarely an isolated incident. If you’ve had one relationship with a BP, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ve had many more. People don’t get into relationships with BPs by accident. This attraction to dysfunctional people had to start somewhere. And it almost always starts with the parents. They set the mold for all your future relationships. So your situation is not unique.

      That being said, this is not a competition to see who had it worse. We’ve all been there and we can all verify the pain that comes with such a relationship. And that is why it is so important to speak about it out loud. You say you have a pattern of silencing your opinion and apologizing for it. But didn’t it feel good to share your story just now?

      Is it a smear campaign or demonization to tell the truth about someone? This is not about degrading someone. Or creating false stories in order to defame them. It’s about revealing who they really are behind the illusions. It’s about making someone see the harm they have caused others. More importantly it’s about giving these sick people the opportunity to finally address their issues and take responsibility for their behavior. Being sick is not an excuse. And the worst thing we can do is turn a blind eye.

      • savorydish said

        Ignorance is a major reason why these BPs are able to operate in silence. It is why they are able to move from one victim to another, perpetuating the cycle of victimhood. So when does it stop?

        Did it ever occur to you that these people are demonizing themselves with or without our help?

      • Rapunzel said

        Actually, i strongly believe in self healing and I believe that beating a dead horse perpetuates even more drama for yourself. After acceptance of the situation, which is beyond your control, you realize that the only thing you can control is your reaction to it. Trying to talk about a very manipulative bp’s actions with people caught in the web– other family members, friends etc. is typically fruitless. I think you misunderstood me initially: I wasnt saying talking about it is smearing, I was saying that is what it looks like from the outside, because bps are master manipulators. People tend to want to “stay out of it.” they feel as if it must be your relationship with the bp. A two sided thing. This is because most healthy issues are just that– two people trying to get along and working at things. Most people dont realize that sometimes there are NOT two sides to every story. Sometimes one person is just batshit crazy. This is because, like i said, usually there are two sides. The only people who will understand are others who have been split without the split being in their favor– like you. Like me. However, true colors always shine through at some point. People will eventually see for themselves. You said yourself that these people demonize themselves– so let them. I know that my parent will never change. I know this, because of the circumstances surrounding the siuation. I can either spend the rest of my life stewing about it or deal with it and allow my own life to take precedence. There comes a point in time when a person must realize that the actions of another do not define them and really have no bearing on their lives unless they allow them to. I agree that people need to talk about this stuff. I believe that is what support groups and therapy are for. And blogs. 🙂 I also know that in our culture the layman without any degree in psychiatry is quick to diagnose people with mental illnesses. How many times have you heard “she was psycho!” or “he was abusive!” I dont have any strained relationships with exes. I typically end on good terms. But most of society demonizes their exes. Does that mean all of these people really are mentally ill? Or are most people just self absorbed and cannot see past their own side? We both know it’s the latter. I am surrounded by friends who are psychiatric nurses and psych majors. I got lucky. Some of my friends have helped me through tough times with my parent. You know a bp can weave a web and make you think you’re the crazy one. I have friends who have helped me break free. I admire you for creating an open forum here and I have taken full advantage of it. That being said, It’s kind of like that thing they say, you know– if you’re looking for it, or once you are aware of it, you will see it everywhere. I saw your post about two women walking out of the club being obnoxious. You diagnosed them as histrionic. You dont even know their names. The blatant judgment shocked me. We must be very careful when we throw around big words. It may not be right, but drinking and being promiscuous are part of the college experience that our culture promotes. Not all of the people who buy into it are mentally ill. Some, sure. But most are just young and foolish. In conclusion, I hope you use discretion and are coming from a good place, because you also have the potential to damage others with everything you type. Let’s try to perpetuate more healing and less judgment, because you never know who may be reading your blog and who it might light a dangerous fire underneath. You talk alot about men haters but there are just as many woman haters. Just a suggestion. 🙂

      • Rapunzel said

        Oh yes, the other thing I forgot to mention, along the lines of diagnosing strangers, is that like I said, I have a close friend who is a psychiatric nurse. We grew up together and have known each other since childhood. She’s seen it all unfold for me and even experienced some of the craziness firsthand . We lived together in college so she saw how I was split, all mind you while being an A student with a scholarship who had never so much as had a detention, while my sibling was taken on shopping sprees. This happened Bc I reunited with my other parent – the healthy one- who I had been encouraged to cut out. This angered Bp parent and that’s when it got really ugly for me.- whew! Haha anyway. My friend always reminds me that we have to be VERY careful trying to diagnose ourselves or others, because personality disorders are simply normal personality traits exaggerated. So, for example, those drunk girls were behaving inappropriately no doubt. And pathetic. But at some point, everyone does something they regret. It is not until a person makes a pattern out of it that it becomes an illness. That’s why I had a problem with you saying that about strangers. You cant possibly know if that is their pattern. I just think its reckless to put that out there. There are people who are not as educated or who are not privy to the nature of diseases, who may read it and go on to perpetuate false information or worse– violent people who will now justify their actions taking advantage of or hurting someone, because she must be a “bad” histrionic and asking for it.

      • Rapunzel said

        Also, just want to clarify that I was definitely not trying to downplay anyone’s experience in a relationship with a Bp! No way! I know how traumatic it is and would never do that… All I was pointing out by saying its the worst for the child of a Bp is this: you may be left with scars from a person with Bp. Hopefully anyone in a chain of relationships with bps wisens up and sees that they deserve better. And walks away and seeks healthy relationships. If you are unable to do so, then you have put yourself in permanent victim status. Which I see as very much like a Bp… The thing is, children don’t have that luxury of just severing ties. It is much more complicated. Even my healthy parent will tell you that. Healthy parent is most scarred by what was perpetuated onto children, bc healthy parent has moved on and it is a bad memory now. Here’s the child’s dilemma: if I walk away from my relationship with my Bp parent, I fear that I am just like said parent. That’s what bps do: they split and cut relationships. So my perpetual problem is this: parent will never change, I love parent, I hate how parent treats me, but I do not want to be like parent and sever a relationship. What do I do? I’m being serious here. Walking away from a bad friend or lover is healthy. Is walking away from a parent? Or is it more healthy to accept parent and keep the relationship on your own terms by having a sense of humor and making sure that everyone else sees my true colors so any smear campaigns actually reflect back on the Bp? I think I’m doing the right thing for me. Maybe it’s not the right thing for everyone else. I’d like your thoughts on this, please.

  14. Sammy said

    OH AND JUST TO SHOW I AM NOT ONE SIDED …SHE DID ADMIT TO BEING ABUSED BY HER MOTHER.. SHE TOTALLY HATES HER MOTHER , AND HAS A QUIET DISLIKE FOR HER FATHER DIDN’T TALK ABOUT HIM THAT MUCH , ONLT TO SAY HE RAN OFF WITH ANOTHER WOMAN …, BUT I WORKED UP THE NERVE TO ASK IF SHE WAS MOLESTED AS A CHILD AND SHE GAVE A FEEBLE ANSWER AND SAID SHE DIDN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT….WHEN I MENTIONED HER FATHER…..NOW I WON’T GO AS FAR AS TO ACCUSE HIM ..FOR HER TROUBLES BUT SOMEONE CLOSE TO THE BPD HAD TO HAVE DONE THESE THINGS TO HER…… AND FOR THAT I AM SORRY……SEE HOW EASY IT IS TO SAY I AM SORRY EVEN IF ITS SOMETHING I DIDN’T HAVE A DAMN THING TO DO WITH…..

    TO ALL BPD , NPD , HPD , …LEARN HOW TO SAY I AM SORRY…STOP LYING ON OTHERS …..STOP THE SMEARING OF OTHERS…AND WATCH AND SEE DON’T DECENT HUMAN BEINGS HELP YA…..!!!!!!

    SEE I USE MY REAL NAME HERE CAUSE I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING THAT I AM ASHAMED OF .., I AM NOT ASHAMED OF THIS BPD EX , ……..JUST HATE WHAT SHE DONE TO ME, AND HOW SHE TRIED TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A CRIMINAL WHEN SHE LEFT…I WOULDN’T HAVE EVER THOUGHT TO BRING THAT TYPE OF HARM OR SHAME ON HER!!!!

    SAMMY !!!!

  15. Sammy said

    @ Rapunzel ……I know I sound angry , I am very angry at this BPD.ex…..But you know what , if it came down to it , and the BPD ex ,said she was sorry …then I would prob. at least try to be a good friend…only prob is I now know that …they only really keep enablers , or men whom treat them like crap around …..Ya know I told my BPD ex , more than once that I wanted to see her happy , even if she was not with me. only to get a blank stare into the obiss .., she still wouldn’t tell me why I had this sinking feeling , when I was around her……, Now I know !, I am a little things person its the little things about this person that I remember , ..now I know it was her guilt and sneaky ways that she spent most of her time trying to cover up….I think I was used to cover her fear of abandonment ….and her fear of being alone , I realize all the stuff she said was just lies ….I love you really meant …..DO I HAVE YOU UNDER MY SPELL YET>>>> It was all about control never love .It all was either BPD or NPD with her, ..While for me I totally adored this person , Like I said I was a damn fool…!!!!

    Sammy

    • Rapunzel said

      Sammy, i’m not sure what happened here… I didn’t know what was going on or who you were until i read your comments above my original ones. I’m not sure why you took my comments personally. I don’t know you nor do i know your ex. Sounds like you’ve been through some shit. I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sorry you were hurt. I have been hurt too. I just want to get myself to a healthy place. I’m just trying to make sense of everything. I don’t want to blame my parent for everything or victimize myself, because it reminds me of my parent. I am just trying to make sense of it all. I will always love my parent. Regardless. But my therapist thinks it is best to care about my parent from a distance. I dont want that. I want my parent in my life. I was asking savory dish for his thoughts. I am confused and trying to pick up the pieces is all- just like the rest of us. But i am also trying to be fair to the ones who are sick. That’s all. They are still people. I dont enable anyone. I just refuse to place blame excessively and prefer to heal.

      • Rapunzel said

        And yes, your ex sounds like a real firecracker– to put it nicely. 😉 Thank god you didn’t catch anything. Scary shit. Also, yeah the “im sorry” will never come from my parent, either.. But the hard thing about taking a stand for me, just to be completely honest, is if i do, my parent will take other family members away from me. Proxies or as i call them “lap dogs” bc to me, that’s what they remind me of. Some ppl in my family just want to keep the peace- even though the peace is actually hell. They don’t want to hear it. I will end up not going to Christmas celebrations etc and miss out on all things that this parent hosts. My other relationships may become strained. The parent has already smeard me as the “difficult one.” im set up. Damned if i do damned if i fuckin dont, ya know? Some other ppl in the fam see it but even dont want to make waves. Should i be the lone crusader and ostracize myself? What do you think? I’m being genuine. That wasn’t rhetorical i just dk what to do anymore.

      • Marie said

        Rapunzel,
        I was raised by two BDP parents. My father took his rages out mostly on my mother and mother took most of hers out on me. Ever since I can remember whenever she got mad at me she would try to choke me, shake me, bite me and beat the crap out of me. The earliest memory of this I have is spilling a glass of milk in the kitchen and she almost killed me (I was too young to be in school yet so I was maybe 4 at the time). As I grew older the abuse became worse. I guess as I was getting older she was feeling like she had less and less control over me so her rages were more frequent. My dad thought it was funny and it was entertaining to watch her abuse me whenever they weren’t fighting each other. When I was a junior in college home for Spring Break she beat the crap out of me so badly that I had bruises everywhere and she almost choked me to death. She had at least 150 pounds on me and there was nothing I could do to defend myself and nobody else was home. At that point I decided to go and live with my maternal grandmother because I couldn’t take it any more. Also she used my identity since I was a kid. At 9 years old she had a checking account in my name and she ruined my credit by bouncing checks. After college I stayed with my grandmother helping her take care of my great uncle who was dying of cancer and my father passed away. My mother tried to get me to go to the funeral but I refused to be alone with her again after she almost killed me. A year later I went abroad to get a Master’s Degree and when I came back I found she had been using credit cards in my name and had racked up about $20,000 in debt. I decided to say goodbye to my beloved grandmother and move to another state far, far away from my mother. She did eventually find out where I was living and working and tried to call my boss and get me fired. I filed a police report and the police officer told me my mother was rude over the phone and that there was no authority above my mother. I moved again to a different state. I have been in hiding from her for about 18 years total now. I at times have felt guilty because society and religion teaches us that we should forgive, love and take care of our parents no matter what. My grandmother told me to live my life and be happy so that’s what I’m doing. I just got out of a relationship with someone who has BPD and thanks to him I now know that both my parents had it as well. DO NOT feel guilty if you have to move away from your parent with BPD. Yes, it’s your parent but if you need to save yourself then just do it. I would either be dead or in a mental institution had I stayed with my mother, this I am very sure of and others around me who know me well agree. I don’t agree that a child of someone with BPD suffers more than a partner (married or otherwise) of someone with BPD does. I think each experience is painful on a different level. Both can leave deep scars. The main thing is to love YOU and put YOU first because nobody else will do that for you. I hope you find some peace. xoxoxo

    • S&M said

      Holy shit man, I just wrote a very long rant about how the most hurtful thing my BPDexgf said to me was the last time she said “I love you,” and it hit me that right then my trance had ended for the ninety-ninth time that year and she thought she had me under her belt. Not in two years did she say it to me out of nowhere or without me saying it whole-heartedly first, now EVER did she say it how she did that night, and in such an actual pertinent time before we were falling asleep together like couples tend to do, goodnight I love you sort of thing, like even those words hurt, hearing her say that meant she was done with me, she had probably found someone else, and everything I worried would happen was now falling back into place.

      I noticed her menstrual cycle was stronger than any other woman I met, when she was in PMS mode time of the month or right before it was all love and babies and marriage but once that was over it was discarding me like a piece of food that fell on the ground, until hungry like a homeless person craving what consumable material I apparently was for her fix too of adoration and love like she would dole out on top of violence and abuse like nothing I knew humans were capable of, I totally got chernobyl effect I think it’s called.

      Hearing her say she loved me made my heart skip a beat and then fear overwhelm me because that meant any feelings of love she had were completely gone.

      I don’t even think people should run from them, because no one can. It’s never found out until it’s too late. These people tend to only find those who are well-meaning and tend to turn us into the assholes who they end up constantly fucking. It’s a really weird dynamic. And uyeah most of us were surrounded by BPD people in some way or another our whole lives being a repeated history of disillusionment.

      Like, holy shit, she just said that, and now I know, all that talk of children, all those intimate interactions, all of every single fucking interaction we’ve had since I somehow fell back under her spell, has been forgotten, and now she thinks I’m isolated with her or that she’s won. It was revealing and I can’t explain it very well. But when someone tells you “I love you,” and your heart sinks with pain, you know those words are malicious and your fears are true. Because, doubtlessly, the same cycle was immediately repeated and now she’s disappeared again, likely having used me for an in-between for her real ‘love’ interest. I probably have NPD or BPD too, now that I’ve been surrounded by these people my whole life, but never have I done what these fucking people do, and never before did I fear hearing those words. I wanted to love someone too. I don’t know how else to explain this.

  16. savorydish said

    I don’t remember so don’t worry about it. Merry Xmas.

  17. Sammy said

    Ok …..Rapunzel…Well I am sorry , I didn’t mean to sound like I didn’t care or overlook the fact that you are here , maybe in a lot of pain trying to get better and heal after what you have to go through with this parent …But what I saw in your statements just took me back into my relationship with my BPDex , I try not to think about her but I am at least trying to make sure I don’t ever repeat this type of thing again….., An almost every week I figure out a new lie that she told or deception that she used…I think this girl lied about most things that she claimed to be telling the truth about …., But oh well , I am happy you are here trying to make it better…., and I truly hope it gets better Rapunzel for you for your sake….I am a male , and I dated a BPD female for 7 months!

    Sammy!

    • Rapunzel said

      I didn’t think you overlooked me! I wanted to make sure that you didn’t think I was saying that BPD people should be enabled, because I’m not. I’ve spent a lot of time angry. I’ve been real angry at my parent for the last four years or so (especially after I went to buy a car recently and there was stuff on my credit report that wasn’t mine and was traced back to guess who!!!) and I finally reached a place where I feel the anger is getting me nowhere. Now, I just want to move forward.

      I’m just trying to make sense of the whole situation and the confusion that comes along with it. I have anxiety from the shit I went through. Sad as this may sound, just having anxiety (that I am fully ready to work through with my therapist) is a relief. I am glad it’s just anxiety and not something more sinister, because I know it is common for personality disorders to pass to children. I think the only thing that saved me was that I moved out for college and saw the lunacy for what it was. Now, I’m just trying to figure out how to protect myself, regain my life and still have my parent in my life all at the same time.

      If I sounded like I was making excuses for BPD, I wasn’t. It’s hard for me to demonize my parent, and so yes, I may sound a little protective, because as you quoted above “that’s what healthy people do -they try to love no matter what”…that’s how I feel about my parent. I can thoroughly understand how that brought you back to your ex. I bet she tried to make you think you were the crazy one, instead of her. That’s what my parent did to me my entire life. So, again, I wasn’t saying their behavior is excusable… just trying to figure out how to love one safely.

  18. Sammy said

    @Rapunzel….Yeah that’s one thing I was saying , When me and my BPD ex went our separate ways ., or she went her separate way , let me get that clear….Her enablers , people who I know hasn’t known her that long and one person that I know who has known her since they both were 4 or 5 years old …..started to enable her mess…..So yeah just know I will prob, sound angry on here from time to time …I mean no harm at all….You will know when I am angry…LOL , the clue ….typing errors just look for that . That’s a sure sign that I am a typing mad man….LOL , And I am mad at another one of her damn lies that I have uncovered …… so I just wanted to say I am sorry to you …because I in no way want to do anything , or stand in the way of someone trying to get help , cause sometimes , help is just hearing the right words from people….I wish you , HEALTH AND HAPPINESS MY FRIEND.

    Sammy!

  19. joanne said

    I have read the stories of people with shock as i realize that on top of all the suffering i endured from parents who acted (and continue to act) as though i do not exist, i have to start altering myself. Yes, i believe i am a borderline of sorts. I am the quiet sort- i have not yet damaged anyone’s life but my own- but i suspect that i would be a handful to live with. I come from a culture that does not encourage expressing emotions- so i do not know how to be nice 24/7. I can be silent, though, and pretend that everything is fine even after i have been mistreated for a prolonged amount of time. But the emotions that boil inside me make me wonder if i would ever outrightly harm somebody just so i can get relief. It is hard for any human being- twisted or not- to realize they have to carry out a full renovation of their life in adulthood. Though borderline people harm others, they also need sympathy… hard as it may be for others to give it to them

    • savorydish said

      Believe it or not, I have a lot of sympathy for people like you. Especially, borderlines who show self-awareness and concern for others. These are signs that you have potential to get better. My sympathy is reserved for those who show remorse and a desire to get better. Nobody hates the disease or the people who are afflicted with this disease. They only hate the way they have been treated by someone they once loved. They hate abusive assholes who try to play victim to escape their own conscience. Good luck and best wishes.

    • Jinm said

      Joanne- you can take your symthany and cram it- they do not deserve much but a swift kick in the ass

  20. RD12 said

    Absloutely spot on comment above SD – despite the trauma I suffered, and perhaps those that others have suffered, sympathy should be given to those who are suffering with the illness – Its a severe mental illness after all. It’s a good value to have is empathy, especially for those who do take responsibility and have awareness for their BPD. I have connected with a couple of quiet, high functioing types, just so I could understand the shit I went through with the same type of BPD. from them, they do understand the pain they deliver, they live in constant confusion and real pain, live in the moment only, and do everything they can to help themselves to cope. The trouble here, is that I sense I am seeing the anger of those who have been confronted by the low functioning type which must be a different ballgame entirely – Its worth people knowing that the BPD manifst in so many differnt ways, and every single relationship, or BPD individual is different – less the obviosu traits of projection, blaming, splitting etc. I have great sympathy for my BPD ex despite her never taking responsibility, but I still despise what she put me through – I simply told her that. – we should not demonise them all nor tar them all with the same brush – each one is different and the pain we endure as individuals will be equally different. sadly my BPD ex just cut me out of her life, has never said ‘I’m sorry’ nor shown any remorse. My anger is here..I’m in touch with it, but I also have empathy………Luckily I dont think my experience was as bad as others with the low functioning types…..I just got emotional torture from a high functioning expert with lots of masks. It was utterly surreal. Well done those BPD’s on here who have the courage to identify and explain their misgivings and recognise the pain they have caused, and try to help themselves.

  21. RD12 said

    Oh..sorry, meant to pick up on Joannes post. You mention ‘I come from a culture that does not encourage expressing emotions’ – My ex was the same………hence she was never validated as a child, was a single child and had a very strict upbringing. I think she now realises how this early life has led to her illness……..and she is very aware of how she has hurt people in her life – damage In her wake she called it. Yet she has still done nothing even at 38 years of age to change this…..can there be any hope for such a woman ? How do we get them to recognise their faults and seek proper help ?

    • savorydish said

      “How do we get them to recognise their faults and seek proper help ?”

      Good question RD. It sort of depends on the individual. This blog has seen a range of borderlines. I think on some level and to some degree, they are all aware of their faults. Getting them to seek proper help, now that’s a challenge. The bigger challenge is to get them to stick with treatment.

      High functioning borderlines like my ex have gotten away with being untreated for so long, there really isn’t motivation to get treated. She has finally found someone who she can easily manipulate. So why would she want to change that? She has surrounded herself with people who have an interest in keeping up the lie.

      It’s sort of like driving in a car held together with duct tape. At any minute, it could all fall apart.

  22. savorydish said

    @Sammy

    I can relate to your story. I too told my recent ex about my previous borderline ex. In the beginning, she was sympathetic and convinced me she was different. But she would end up treating me in the same horrible manner if not worse.

  23. savorydish said

    Thanks Sammy, I’m ok now.

    I deleted your comments regarding RD 12, because I think they were too harsh.

    I understand why you’re upset. But he has a right to his opinion as well, even though it differs from ours. I would rather we make this a dialogue as opposed to a slam fest.

    I invite you to explain to him why we feel the way we do, but let’s do it in a respectful and restrained manner. Thank you.

    • savorydish said

      @Sammy @RD12
      How much compassion should be shown to borderlines is always a touchy subject, because most survivors of BPD relationships are guilty of showing too much compassion. Too much tolerance for dysfunctional behavior. That is the nature of a co-dependent relationship.

      So to some extent, I agree with Sammy and understand his rage. Because the last thing we need is to be reminded that we should be more compassionate. When that was the very thing that got us in trouble in the first place.

      We showed the borderline compassion and they paid us back with heartache, hostility and betrayal. The borderline doesn’t need compassion, they need therapy. The more compassion you show an untreated borderline, the more likely they are to treat you badly.

      These are the sad sad facts of BPD.

      • savorydish said

        @RD12
        I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again- BPD is an explanation, not an excuse. Just because someone has BPD doesn’t mean they get a free pass. The victims of borderlines deserve just as much compassion as was shown the borderline at one time.

        But the borderlines I knew abused my compassion and kindness. And that is the very reason why it has been revoked. They have shown that they do not deserve kindness and compassion. My compassion is reserved for the ones I love and the ones who try, not the ones who betray me.

  24. RD12 said

    ah, chaps…maybe you misunderstood me….!! Compassion for the illness is what I’m talking about here. I was thrashed as much as anyone with my ex BPD, just survived, and have a lot of anger and resentment for her. because she has not taken responsibility, nor been acountable for her actions……I can certainly understand the rage we have against them on an individual basis……I may well have been lucky in comparrison to others. My point here, was that the illness is bloody serious, and I have empathy for anyone who has the damn thing! Like I would for any mate who has post traumatic distress disorder ….also have massive empathy for those who went to the abyss with them, and just survived. No harm meant to anyone that has suffered at the hands of BPD….just a sadness at how they too suffer intolerably at times….Not good all round for anyone.

  25. RD12 said

    Sammy…no offence ever intended to you or anyone here. I’m just expressing my views and position now I feel I have learnt about all this stuff, and I kinda stand by them too.

    Just to put the record straight on your previous post….You mention.

    “I just think he sound like one of these goons have him rapped around her ….”You know What”….and sent him here to gain sympathy….. Thats shameful..if I am right”

    I’m afraid thats way off beam and I have certainly not been sent here, nor wrapped around her, nor am I a goon!! Nor do I want sympathy.

    These dialogues I’ve seen here have been spot on for those involved in BPD to finally get to understand it all, and share the experiences. I like that. mainly because I have now learnt what the hell I went through ……..that helped me recover….and I hope these posts helps others too.

    Everyone has differnt individual experiences – I think mine was much less than others which is why reading about others has helped me here….I have huge respect and sympathy for those like you guys who have been through this mill and spat out again.

    • savorydish said

      Thanks for clearing up the bad air, RD. This is an emotional topic for all of us. And I think it does us all good to talk it out. When you get put through the wringer by a borderline, they infect you with their rage. And sometimes, that rage is misdirected. Thanks for sharing your story.

  26. Sammy said

    @ RD12 What you need to know about me is this …Don’t ever forget I told you this ……I am a mans , man …Meaning that What I say to you goes double for me….ok , See My BPD ex had me rapped around her ver jay jay….That why I stayed in the relationship for right at 7 months…..I Met her Dec 10 2010 …and by Feb 2011 , I had seen enough bullshit to know she was crazy , but wanting to be fair and having compassion and hope for her kelp me coming back, Man you will never know the tug of war , that I played with my 1st mind , my brain , and my heart……., all the while that thing thats sets off with you know your in danger was going off like crazy….I turned down some find ass girls …better than her to stay with someone because of sexual chemistry……Thats just the truth @RD12 in plain Black and White…no punt intended….If I had just had sex and moved on then maybe I would have not exposed myself like I did…But you know what they say about hind site….

    So no Disrespect to you RD12 ……I know her ass will never do the right thing because of shame and guilt…and the fact that she thought she had made a fool of me and I found out just about all of it……She could never face that !!!!

    Sammy

  27. RD12 said

    Hi SD, sorry been away for a while. All good in my recovery though and hope the same for you and Sam. SD, forgive me for challenging, but I dont think BPD’s can quite relate to your view on ‘its an explantion not an excuse’. These people are mentally ill, in a very serious way. So they can’t rationalise what you mean by it being an excuse. what they do is a primitive defence mechanism. We may as well (as nons) just realise that explantion or even excuse means fuck all to these people who are seriously ill – they have no ability to recognise the pain they dish out at the time – so they dont understand the fact that us nons see it as an excuse. It is so, so, complicated, but we have to recognise we are not dealing with normal people, rather a phenonemon, and they cannot rationalise anything. They feel guilt and shame massively, but these people might as well be from planet Zog – we can never explain it to them, until they have been treated. They are like beings from a different planet….we can never explain this to them so excuses mean nothing to them nor us. We have just been through an almost ‘out of world experience’ – we can rationalise it -but they cannot. Sorry again to be challenging.

    • savorydish said

      You are more than welcome to challenge, but I respectfully disagree. Most of what you said, I hold true. But it’s still an explanation. Not an excuse.

      A psychopath is also seriously ill, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok for him to become a serial murderer. Do you think society should give him a free pass just because he’s mentally ill (even a victim of childhood abuse)? Of course not. So why is a BP any different. They’re not.

      Ignorance via mental illness is not a free pass. Making excuses for the mentally ill is the reason why Cluster Bs never get better. It’s why they runway without having to accept consequences for their bad behavior. It’s why they get away with murder.

      It behooves society and love ones to confront the wrong-doer. This blog exists to point out all the things they can not rationalize. If they choose to deny, project and compartmentalize their guilt, then they deserve the scorn that comes their way. Society is not obligated to tolerate their bullshit. Either seek treatment or risk public shame. It’s very simple.

      • savorydish said

        I was once like you, RD- full of compassion for all the fucked up people in my life. But when you offer compassion to someone with primitive instincts, they mistaken it for weakness. They take advantage of you and abuse you. And then they leave you to bleed. That is the primitive instinct you speak of.

        My compassion is reserved for people who treat me with the respect I deserve. If they can not muster up that respect, then they are not worthy of my compassion. I don’t care what is wrong with them. I really don’t.

        No more Mr. Nice Guy. It attracts people who take advantage of nice guys. I have seen the light and I will never go back. If you wish to remain in that mindset, that is your choice. But you may be setting yourself up to be victimized by another primitive predator.

        CLuster Bs are the number one cause for the death of Nice Guys. I’m done being Mr. Nice Guy.

      • savorydish said

        Sorry RD. When somebody starts making excuses for BPs, it just sounds like the voice of an enabler. It takes two to tango in a dysfunctional relationship. BPs thrive because enablers provide a safe haven, free from judgment, free from treatment. Ever wonder why recovery rates are so low?

      • savorydish said

        Let me ask you, RD. If a woman was being beaten by her husband, would you ask her to be more compassionate? Would you make excuses for her husband? So why would you make excuses for emotional abuse?

      • Sammy said

        Amen to all that you said @SavoryDish……My BPD ex abuses people , and then she has the nerve to say that Karma should get others, How in the hell could she even rationalize that fuck up shit that her crazy ass does…Man , after Man , after Man , after man……, knows damn well whats she is doing ..She hides and makes fools out everyone that crosses her fucked up path……Ya know I will tell you something RD12 …that I saw with my own eyes……, X-mas of 2010 , She got a Dish that had the words …inscribed …and I quote..”WHAT WISE MEN?” …….Are you God Damned kidding me……Man get real…….LOL

      • savorydish said

        Sounds like you were also involved with a Man Hater. My ex use to say “all men are pigs”. She said this about her own father (daddy issues). Troubled women leave clues. If you spot clues like these, jump ship.

        Do not hope or assume that you will be the exception. You won’t. Cluster Bs are infected with black and white thinking. It will only be a matter of time when she will say you are a pig.

        A woman who holds the belief that “all men are pigs” will be looking for evidence of that belief. They will create no-win scenarios, to prove that she is right about all men.

        These are established patterns of behavior. Rarely do Man Haters deviate from the script.

      • savorydish said

        To communicate with someone whose thinking has been reduced to primitive instincts, you must speak their language. IOW, you must speak to them like a three year old child. Get help or I’m gone. Nothing more needs to be said.

        I made the mistake of making too many allowances. I forgave them over and over again for “they know not what they do”. I was guilty of too much compassion. I let multiple borderlines run over my good nature.

        That will never ever happen again. Enough is enough. No more nonsense. No more bullshit. No more abuse. Mr Nice Guy is dead. Death at the hand of irresponsible borderlines.

    • savorydish said

      The best way to handle an un treated Cluster B is not to handle them at all. If you are not a trained professional, you haven’t got a chance. You are sacrificing your own mental health. Leave the compassion for people who are paid to handle “difficult” people.

      You are not obligated to walk on eggshells. No,no,no. Stomp on those eggshells. That is the only way the BP will get the message that you will have none of their craziness. Zero tolerance is the way to encourage BPs to get help. Turn your back on a BP, until they agree to stick with a treatment program. Do not sign up for the enabler/proxie/sucker program. Say no to crazy.

    • Sammy said

      Well , @Savorydish……, I stand here with tears in my eyes , because I went through the same thing….., I forgave had more compassion than any one man could muster up , asked if it was any thing I could do to make it better , Talked , and talked and talked till I was blue in the face….., and in the end I got fucked…..But not cause I am weak I mind you far, far from it, but only cause I was ignorant to the fact , she needed to take advantage of someone , and I was it …, So fuck the forgiveness thing man……DO you really think this animal really cares…Man she is off all over the states …finding more , and more victims…..All she care about is who she can convince that she is the greatest….Thats all !!!!!

    • savorydish said

      The worst thing we can do for an untreated cluster B is reward their bad behavior with compassion. That only reinforces their bad behavior. The primitive mind has no moral boundaries. Give them an inch and they will take a mile. Give them compassion and you open the door for more abusive behavior. It’s like giving candy to a child who is having a temper tantrum. You are reinforcing bad habits.

      • savorydish said

        No treatment. No love.

      • Marie said

        I agree with you 100% SD. They DO know what they are doing/did when they have moments of clarity (if they can remember everything they did which is not always the case). Once after a particularly bad incident involving my exBPDbf he told me he didn’t want me to suffer because of the monster inside of him. He had been yelling horrible things and telling me he hated me. I responded with “I love you but will let you go forever if that’s what you want” and then he had a moment of clarity and stopped himself before walking out the door forever. He apologized most of the time after his rages. He apologized to his favorite child all the time too after his rages and sometimes because I told him he should or he would lose that child someday. I think if they have not already been in treatment for a while when you first meet them then there is probably no chance at all of the relationship working. My ex promised he would get treatment if I stayed but it was only a lie to keep me until he really had decided to move on.

      • savorydish said

        They will tell you anything to avoid abandonment. But as you noted, they are buying time. These are the ones who know they have little chance of recovery.

  28. Sammy said

    I have got a word for today…..The word is “Don’t let the bad Behavior of another or others , destroy your inner peace , or kill your swagger” ……, You are the cool “Joe” you thought you were when you met this spaz , Just like the relationship was most likely false …..So was the tricks she has played on ya false as well , All of it tricks cause thats the only way she can stay alive , and try in be important……See she is a nobody thats trying to convince basically herself that she is somebody……And so she looks in that broken mirror each morning …and sees nothing …..and then she decides that the only way to cope is to fool people….!!!!! Remember only cowards hide……, They hide dude , they run and hide and project …”They are cowards”

  29. steve said

    Wow…..all of your posts were an eye opener for me. My bpd I,am currently with. thou she,s unaware that she is and she’s also unaware that I know. I’ve been with her for 11 years and has a high degree of traits but she is much older @54 and from what I’ve gleened from the web in my many searches for answers it diminishes with age ( so she’s somewhat calm ) but her dauther on the other hand is a bpd on steroids, here lies the problem. One year ago january 14th to be precise I was woken up with 6 cop cars about 12 cops that had shut the street down because they were told Iwas armed and dangereuse. Ilive in the suburbs of ny and most of the cops were county except for 2 nyc detectives . My wife as I call her ( not legally married ) let them in and was arrested without explanation…….to make along story short and about 150.000 dollars later I was accused of 2 felony robberies, and one apt was her dauthers ,who along with her boy friend who I assume she coehersed. positively identified me as the person on the video survailence. I paid lawyers and detectives to get not only there video but my own videos of me in my home town on 3 different occasions and stores proven that it coulden,t have been me, along with her mothers testimony that I was with her the whole day except for a one hour period that I had gone to the store. With this evidence and 9 months later it was thrown out of court ( her video had a spanish 23 year old man with a cap on ,flip phone……i,am white 54 with droid……..clearly ! A setup ! Both police, lawyers,judges and all my wifes family member were privee to all tapes and knew it wasen,t me……….’between my wife and myself we make about 350.000 a year , what was stolen was stereo bullshit and alike, and I live 60 miles away, meaning it would take many hrs away to commit this crime.restraining order was dropped and I sent not only her but his parents a letter stating what they had done. She went batshit !!. It was the first time in her life she was actually confronted and called what she really was ( crazy ) and it seems to me his parents with all her manipulations enabled her to act like this, along with many family members…………..she went back to family court and got restraining order, not to my surprise in which I fought…..If anyone has dealt with family courts you know what a big man and a cute little girl what the outcomes going to be ( plus she could absolutly win an oscar for her performence ) she also enlisted some gay lawyer who lives in her apt building to help her out in her defence along with her no balls boyfriend who walked behind her like a puppy dog. I,am sugar coating most of this I can,t exslain the amount of pain and suffering to so many people and the total devastaton, finacially and otherwise this has caused, but because she has personality disorder she gets away with this bullshit from friends and family, courts judges detectives lawyers and comes out smelling like a rose…..Iwas looking at 15 years…….compassion ? I,am sick tired of seeing and hearing these blogs on there in so much pain bullshit…..REALLY ! I was and iron worker in manhattan for 28 years, to be discraced and humiliated in front of my neigbors family and children, threatened with a long term jail sentence , finacially destroyed, and when All is said and done have her family enable her to go back to being a complete sick twisted asshole. BPD………she new exactly what she was doing…………getting back at me for something that happened 6 year prior when in a argument she said she was leaving the house and I agreed, she was treated like a little princess until I had enough. I realize I’ve not given much credence to help you understand her diagnosis of bpd from what I’ve written, but take my word for it because I don,t feel like typing any more, but if she,s not a borderline, borderlines don,t exist

    • savorydish said

      I’m glad it helped Steve. Her daughter sounds like a nightmare. Sorry you had to go through hell. Maybe now people will understand why borderlines are so hated.

      • borderlines are not hated. lol.

      • Sammy C said

        Oh yes they are , with a deep deep passion too!!!!

        Not liked well at all and if you do then you need a trip to the pycho Doc!!!! , LOL now how about that!!!!

        No account Guys just pretend to like them just to get them into the sack, These guys come dressed up just like the fake BPD’s and Cluster-Bs , Then when the window dressing comes off the fucked up guys find out she bat shit crazy , and she finds out that the guy is more a street CEO, LOL Just plain crazy all around . It ought to make for a nice cozy stinky bed room though..LOL,, and other very messed up people with a serious Axe to grind , Not only with others but life it self !!! I

  30. DP said

    Love reading this site! Just recently out of a 7 year relationship with someone whom I believe showed extreme signs of BPD, however in all the craziness and my emotional state now – I am beginning to wonder if I am not the BP one! Its a mental craziness. He is currently doing extremley well, successful, and happy… as he indicates, I am nothing but a loser. I have shut this person out so many times over the course of 7 years, trying to set boundries to stop his horrible dark hateful moments (which usually occur when he is drinking, which is frequent). He now says I pushed him away and I am the cause of all the issue… however he is the one who constantly would do the verbal bashing, about every three weeks during the last few years of the relationship. I think I have gone crazy! lol I guess trying to mentally come to some sort of explanation…

    • Marie said

      DP, frequently my ex told me I was the one with BPD but I knew that was not the case. This is a tactic used to confuse you, however, after dealing with your ex for 7 years you need some TLC. I’m going to therapy to make sure that I work out any issues that I might have had before my relationship and any I developed during the relationship. You might consider also going to therapy to have someone who is unbiased help you. Take care and good luck!

      • savorydish said

        Gaslighting is a common BPD trick used to disorient loved ones and shift the focus off themselves. My ex actually had me convinced that I was the crazy one. But wait a minute, did I spend my youth cutting my wrists? Nope. Did I have an eating disorder? Nope. Do I tell people I love them and then (a month later) cut off all communications? Nope.

        Sure, I have anger issues after being repeatedly stabbed in the back by borderline types. But I don’t cry at the drop of a hat. I don’t treat people like dirt when they have shown me kindness. I don’t doubt that I have co-dependency issues. But if I’m the crazy one, then god help my ex. She is off the charts crazy.

        Here’s the thing… because it can be confusing when a BP is playing Jedi mind-tricks on you… crazy is as crazy does. It is not crazy to react with anger when you find out your loved one has been texting someone else. It is not crazy to still feel attached to someone who you thought loved you. It is crazy to find out that your ex has married someone three months after they destroyed your relationship and then act like it was nothing. These are the things you have to sort out when the tornado has leveled you.

        Do some research, go see a shrink. Do whatever it takes to regain your footing. You will be relieved to find out that you were not the crazy one. You were just involved with a crazy person, which would make anyone feel crazy.

  31. DP said

    It’s crazy. There was always the “if I am/was doing well he would be low” or now he is on top of the world I feel like crap. Which he makes a point to make sure i know. I am done with the relationship.. I loved him and almost 80% of it.. The dark ugly side I can’t handle. I have tried therapy but I realize how nuts it is even talking about the rollercoater relationship. I want it to disappear from my brain. I have tried another relationship recently to try to get over it.. He has become very important in my life but he can see my turmoil, I feel I have become my ex.. The questioning and distrust ugh, make it go away…….

  32. DP said

    I know I need therapy, I guess to understand why I allowed this for 7 years.. Most likely because we worked together, he constantly threw out threats of telling people we were together..(small company) ironically the company let him go for harassment do to some of my complaints.. Ugh made things really bad for a good year, I felt guiLt. Once he got his life somewhat back insync he tried to tell me he was stilL so in love with me… His dark, tactics got worse and more frequent … Worst part aside from all the bullshit, I did love him and at times miss what I thought was good times …

  33. RM Annun said

    Thanks for your very informative blog. I have spent years dealing with an adult daughter who is likely suffering from BPD and have recently come to the realization that the healthiest thing to do is to stay away from her. My other daughter has long since cut off the relationship because of the emotional abuse she suffered from her sister. I think I took longer to get to that point because of guilt — feeling that I might have done something or did not do something I should have done when she was growing up. Therapy has helped me realize that the only way not to subject myself to more abuse is to stay away. It’s all very sad.

  34. Manny said

    Does this person’s name by any chance start with Y? This girl you write about. Well if it doesn’t no problem, but I feel your pain, BDP kinda messes the partner up too.. But I’m strong enough to move on, already have a new girl ive met and we broke up 3 weeks ago.. Do you think this is healthy?

    • savorydish said

      No “y” in her name.

      Glad you were able to move on. But finding a new gal doesn’t always mean you’ve escaped your old patterns. People need time to process a break-up. If your relationship resembled an addiction, then you need a lot of time to recover.

      Being with someone does not define healthiness. Often people use relationships to cover up glaring issues. It takes two to tango. The BP is only one half of the partnership. Once you’ve addressed your ex’s problem, then you can focus on your problems.

      • Manny said

        Thanks a lot.. And also I would like to add a piece of advice.. To considerably get over someone with BDP, you have to pull all the strength in you and ignore your emotions..because the only power a borderline ex has over you is your emotions. You get that out the way and you become stronger and more in control of the situation

  35. Flopsy said

    Hello SD, I was re-contacted back in January by my ex-BPD. Initially I was annoyed, but I wanted an opportunity to confront him on his behaviors. I allowed myself to get hoovered back in. I compartmentalized my emotions though, I did’nt immerse myself totally because I do not trust him. I played the game, the dance was the same as before. His behaviors were so predictable, annoyingly. Today I challenged him on his behaviors, the “hot and cold” inconsistency, in sincerity. He detached emotionally, also predictable, but I managed to amicable ending (I think). He is transparent to me, he knows I’ve figured him out. I can say that the last four weeks have been exhausting, psychologically. I offered to share his true diagnosis with him, but he declined the offer. He stated that he knows that he is “fucked up” but he is too busy to deal with it. I’m glad I had the opportunity to let him know that he is abusive to others. I dare say he could care less but it feels cathartic to me. In those four weeks I kept referencing back to this blog, it helped me keep my resolve. You cannot have a relationship with an untreated BPD, run the other way. The sex was great, but not enough to keep me hooked. People who are in love express their emotions in many different contexts, not just in bed.

  36. Jim said

    Aw the BPd blogs, Ya’ll know i wish i had never heard of this disorder. man what i never learnt in School

  37. Jim said

    Savory Dish- I have about a 6 page saga posted somewhere else- is it to much to post it here ?

  38. Jim said

    Ok,
    Well here is the beginning of Jimsc’s journey into BPD land. I was married to what I can only call the best woman that a man could ever want. We were married for about 2 ½ yrs and then she started having strange physical problems. After about 1 yr she was diagnosed with LOUG Gehrig’s Disease (AKA) ALS. She passed away in June of 2007. From then till now my life has not been the same. I got really busy doing everything I could around the house, attended church and really tried to live good. After about 5 months my job performance was suffering and I heard through the grapevine that I would be let go. Mind you I was the senior analyst at a fortune 500 company and usually made about 30,000 a year extra in overtime.
    Also during this time I met a wonderful woman- Note this is Girlfriend number 1 after my wife passed away. This lady had been in an awful relationship and we clicked. She was over 4 to 6 times a week, we talked, watched movies, she cooked nice meals, kept my house looking clean and all. The one thing missing was affection, she just could not give me any affection, even a small kiss was hard for her to provide. I know she was not seeing anyone else, she was just hurt from a bad 13 yr relationship and told me that she really wanted to but could not get past that. We split up in April of 2008. Note we are still friends to this day.
    During this time I had signed up for e-harmony, yahoo personals, match.com. date hookup and tagged. I was overwhelmed with woman calling and emailing. I had a good connection with a lady in Arkansas and one in Kentucky. I met them both but we decided that as I was in South Carolina that this was not going to work, I still talk to both of these ladies.
    Now is when my life starts spiraling into oblivion- note at this time I am 48 years old and freshly widowed. I start talking to a lady that lives 30 miles from me, She says she has been divorced because she got caught cheating, tells me she has a daughter age 27 and and 18 year old son that she seldom sees, but he is a senior in high school. We meet, I am not overly impressed, oh sure nice rack and all, but no major attraction, this is on a Friday. Well that Sunday she calls and says she will come to my town and we need to be together. Mind you I am working 12 hour shifts 7 am to 7 pm. She comes over and we make love most of the night. I call in sick the next day as does she, awesome- right? Not a chance. This continues for 2 months, extreme awesome sex- you name it, think it, it happened. Then the big curve occurs. She tells me she wants to take me to Gatlinburg for a pretend honeymoon, no biggee, I am free, white and over 21, you can slap me, cuss me, ** me , make me write bad checks. All is good. She sets everything up. Now she says we need to leave at noon. She does not call or anything arrives at my house at 7 pm, we spend the night at my house and leave the next morning. She will not let me pay for anything; we go to nice cabin, wine, hot tubs, lots of sex. This is awesome. We get back on a Monday morning, she tells me, and she has a wedding to go to the next weekend and is going to look at a newer car.
    She buys a 30,000 Nissan and I do not see her for 3 weeks. Of course I am smitten and want her, I question this and she provides some lies. Ok now this is June of 2008.
    **** to be continued *****************************

  39. Jim said

    Ok so I question this Odd behavior I drive over and her van is there and her New car. I ask how she got them both there- she says she drove em both. Yeah right 2 vehicles about 30 miles difference- bunch of Bs. I ask if she needs help detailing the van- she says – no- “she sold her to her ex”, but she told me it was some guy from Craigslist. She never told me- thank you internet. Now to make up for this she promises a large romantic picnic for the 4th of July. I am working on the 3rd and she is calling every 10 to 20 minutes, everything sounds fine. So about 4 in the morning she calls and tell me she is throwing all the food away- Why Why – oh yeah- I am still on yahoo Personals, I drive over and she says her and her sister have plans- and she gets in her car and drives off. So I decide ok great- I head to Florida for a week- my phone rings off the hook, no biggee. When I return as usual I am greeted with much much sexual favor. Kind of sounds like a pattern now eh.
    Oh guess it is about August of 2008 now. Like I told ya’ll my job was going into the crapper, I was changed from the number 1 go to guy for payroll, marketing, etc. Working Sunday Monday and Tuesday days. Left me lots time to fish work around date whatever. So know I am “promoted to night shift lead. Working Friday Saturday and Sunday from 7 Pm till 7 am. Of course she is off Friday Saturday and Sunday. I get calls all weekend, from blocked number, they go 2 ways she wants and miss’s me- or it is over and can not work.
    She does call in sick and stays with me- I decide forget this- I start looking for jobs to get away from all this nonsense. I take a job in St Louis- working at Anhueser Busch- (you go Jimmie-) better money- close to my parents and about 800 miles from Psycho.
    While getting ready to move, she invites me to dinner- I say something- have no clue what- she drops me off about 20 miles from my house- what the H**ll. I call a friend get home. I call another female friend- she comes over- starts looking for a place on line and helping me pack. Guess what- “call Jerry Springer”- Psycho shows up at 4 am in the morning- I just felt like driving off- the other woman – told me- stay with this crazy B**ch and I took her home. Psycho stayed for 3 days and packed each and every item like it was her own. This was a major undertaking packing an entire household, 2 trucks, a car- a boat- fun fun fun.
    I got lady number 1 From above to go to St Louis with me to find a place- psycho only called about every 45 minutes for 3 days. Found a house- flew back to got the other car and truck- oh this is so so fun.
    Ok so I have moved in started to work at AB 67 dollars and hour- life is good. Of course ya’ll know heaven cannot last- Time Frame now Sept 2008.
    The week after that Psycho calls and tells me she is going to Myrtle Beach for 10 days. Oh have I mentioned that the Psycho told me she did not have a cell phone and was using her sons- So of course I had no way to call her except by her home number which was usually busy.
    Ok she gets back from Myrtle Beach and tells me she wants to come to St Louis- oh joy- I am learning my job and stuffs is in boxes everywhere. I say sure come on- This is early October 2008. She arrives- I pick her up- take her to the new rental digs- she walks in an swear to god- gets in the fetal position and starts crying what have a done- take me home- take me home right now- she had just worked all night and I was 100% confused. I asked if there was someone to call. She gave me her sister’s number- want to guess?? Right- wrong number- I took her back to the airport and she bought a ticket- so for her 1 to 2 hour visit in St Louis- It cost 750.00 dollars. Note- I caught her talking on a cell while she was waiting to board the plane. Are we having fun yet- remembering this is 0Ct 2008. 3 more years of this drama to read about.

  40. Jim said

    If the above is to much someone tell me- I have about 8 more pages

  41. Flopsy said

    It is too much…..try to focus your message . What you have to say is relevant, however a detailed play by play detracts from your intended message

  42. Jim said

    THis is the way I wrote it, wanted to add the human touch, SO i will forego posting it. It read like everyone elses anyway= Good tims to start – then massive spliiting- through in a ton of lies- and being painted black- So if anyone has read this so far- sorry- a may post the rest latter, but one person says it is too much

  43. Flopsy said

    Jim, I apologize if I offended you. It took a great deal of emotional torment to write your post. The least I can do is read it and support you. Please post the rest, having a relationship with a BPD is anguish enough the least I can is to listen you.

  44. Jim said

    Ok still Oct 2008, after 2 weeks of apologizing and begging she states that she is coming back to Missouri for 4 days. My oh my. She does in fact come, but part of this is supposed to be the surprise she has growing inside her (give me a break). She arrives- we visit all over St Louis, see the Arc, do the Budweiser tour; go gambling- really an awesome time. By the way she is upset that she is not pregnant. In case you are wondering she is paying for all the plane fares on her 12.00 and hour job. I take her back to the airport and it is all sad and teary eyed and she wants us to meet again in November. Of course I say great- for a few weeks the talking is hit and miss and I doubt if she will show in Tennessee, but we agree, I get 2 calls supposed to be from a pay phone and we meet outside of Nashville. We get a very nice hotel and do dinner, the Nashville Scene- all pretty cool. Then we look at a Zales store for an engagement ring- we stay in and out of the store for about 10 hours- she cannot decide. I get mad and threaten her. She gets in her car and drives off. I say hmmmm—she comes back in a few hours- guess what we do- yep. Then I tell her she is crazy as all get out- I pack up everything I have brought and tell her that any man would (well let’s just say use a gun to do something criminal) I pay for the room, Go to my car- guess what- she has me blocked in and tell me I cannot leave. She wants me in her car and in her life. We ride around for hours- get a few (HMMM). We have dinner and depart and make plans for us to spend thanksgiving with her family. I plan my schedule to be off for 8 days. 2 days before Thanksgiving she calls and says do not come- her folks will not like me. Ok no biggee. I drive 2 hours and spend 8 days with my mom and dad. I hear from her 4 or 5 times in 8 days.
    Ok this is the end of November 2008.

  45. Jim said

    All seems to be going well, we are talking making plans for a future and she tells me she has something special for my Birthday (Dec 13th). I keep asking all kinds of things- you wanna get married. Are you coming to St Louis, etc etc etc. Note at this time I have already bought the engagement ring and wedding band.
    She sends me an e-ticket to fly into South Carolina on the 13th- this is a Saturday- I call and ask her why not on Friday- she says she has a pinning ceremony to attend (they plan these a year in advance). Ok so I fly in on Saturday- she is there- great. We have breakfast- drive around the mountains- stop and check on my house that is up for sale- all is ok. She finds us a nice place to stay in the Mountains- all is great. I ask her to marry me. She cries and says yes yes yes, I am all she has ever hoped for. So she takes me back to the airport on Sunday- a Noon Flight. I fly back to St Louis on the 14th of Dec 2008. Life seems grant and she already has several homes picked out- almost a fairy tale right ?
    Well on the morning of Dec 15th 2008. I awake to a phone call- Boss says do not come to work, meet me at Denny’s and turn in all your equipment. Anhueser Busch has been sold and they have terminanted all Contractors- oh this is really fun for Jimmie. Just moved my entire live 800 miles, paid and signed a one year lease- got engaged and now I have no job- add to that it is 6 degrees. Say PANIC ******* Mind you know I have lost 2 really good jobs in knowing her only about 8 months.

  46. Jim said

    Ok- since I am writing- I will continue on with Saga 5- maybe someone will smile about this.
    Ok- I do not drink- but let’s just say on the night of the 15th I Kind of had a few. I really had no plans and did not know what to do. I had my rent paid thru the end of December- but I still owed my ex 2,000 a month in Alimony and really did not want to move back to South Carolina.
    I debated staying in St Louis- but the economy was bad everywhere and I did have my home in South Carolina and thank god, I had been making double and triple payments on it. I talked with my parents, my consulting firm etc. My firm agreed to pay for my move back to South Carolina- and pay me 200 hours severance pay- so that is good. I am going to kind veer off here and recant the move in all of its awful gore.
    Ok so it is the 17th of December 2008. I have arranged for a truck from Move right to arrive and also hired 3 men from labor finders to arrive the morning of the 18th. This is a Thursday., well golly- this did not happen. The trucker called me and his truck broke down in Muncie In, and the labor finder guys were to stoned or high to find my place. So we re-do the pick up for that Friday- again the truck is supposed to arrive at 8 am as are the 3 men from labor finders. Ok so the trucker calls me about 10:00 am on that Friday tells me he is 2 or 3 hours out of St Louis- should arrive at around 2 Pm- ok. The guys from labor finders call and tell me they can be there at 2 pm. I a waiting and have my entire world in bags, boxes, in my car, trucks, boats. Ok so the trucker arrives at 3 Pm on a Friday night. The Labor finder 3 men- arrive at 4 Pm- only 2 guys in a worn out what was once a nice customized Van. Oh this is looking really good eh. And guess what I will be glad to be back in South Carolina for Christmas- as it is 2 degrees. The guys from labor finders apologize about being late and tell me some story about battery and Gps getting them lost, the Trucker is in his truck playing Video Games- me and my dog just want to get out of the St Louis Area.
    The guys from Labor finders tell me no problem they can have everything loaded in about 3 hours, now mind you this is a 3 bedroom- garage and full basement of stuffs. Ok, now mind you the truck driver tells me all he is doing is driving the 18 wheeler and he will not help load anything. Ok so I am helping and freezing my arse off- I know that I have some minimal cleaning to do and need to eat, sleep and drive about 15 hours. So this goes on and on and it is about midnight, they may be about ½ complete. Now the fun happens- the house I rented was at the end of a t-instersection, and at about 00:15 I hear BAM, clang, crash!!!!!. I say WTF. I look out the Semi is still there- the customized van is behind it, but the front is caved in and a tire is flat- the windshield is broken and off to the left is a K-car. And 2 very very drunk young ladies. Guess what- Edwardsville Ill, Southern Illinois University and Christmas Break.
    The girl that was driving was 18 and smoking hot, she did not even see the stop sign, bounced off the Semi truck with her car, into the van, her car jumped over the curb, destroyed the front end of her car and bent both rims and blew out 2 tires. Her friend told me she had 2 DUI’s last week. All kinds of stuffs go wild, my BpdXgf calls- tells me to call the police, another lady from Missouri calls and wants me to stay with her, this is so darn crazy. Anyway- the girls are almost – well let’s say they are young and built and have revealing clothing on, they surround me and beg me to not call the police- ok- the less drunk one is 19- has me talk to her folks- now the guys from labor finders corner me and beg met to not call the police- the van is stolen- one is out on parole and the other has a bench warrant- and me all I want is for my stuff to be packed.
    Ok so I get the smoking hot drunk girls picked up by the 19 year olds parents- they thank me. The labor finder guys after smoking some crack get my house loaded up, it is 4.00 am. I go to the nearest motel 6 and basically die. At 515 the crack heads, labor finder guys calls and asks me to take them to St Louis- the Van does not drive right- no thought here- cell phone off- good night.
    The next morning I go to the house, clean up as best as I can- hooks up my boat and head back to South Carolina- wonderful. The interstates are closed because of Blizzard like conditions. It is now 19 Dec 2008. A state trooper tells me that he doubts I can make it to Memphis- but suggests driving secondary roads for about 150 miles, tells me they are less travelled, more salted and there is no choice as the intestates are closed.
    Ok after holding onto my steering wheel and chain smoking and living off of coffee, I finally get to an interstate that is open, I am towing a 20 foot bass boat, and in my truck I have a riding lawnmower to look at. 11 hour drives take me 22 hours and I arrive safe and sound in South Carolina on the 20th of Dec 2008. Of course I am alive to share this with ya’ll. Don’t believe me = ask my dog. These are tough times- all I know is I do not have a job and I will hopefully have the love of my life to be with oo oo how wrong

  47. Flopsy said

    Bpd’s are exhausting this you know. The few moments of absolute ecstasy will never make up for the time it will take to work on becoming the person you were before you met this thing. It is good to talk about what happened to clear your mind, to try to make sense. It can be cathartic, but remember you are a recovering addict. The cravings will subside it takes time and determination.

  48. Jim said

    Three years later, I am still whacked out over the things she did, and the things I put up with. I haven’t had a real girlfriend since. Add the trust issues I have, with the unrealistic standards I now have, and you get a permanently fvcked up mind, and an empty soul. STAY FAR AWAY FROM THEM. They are DEMONS, sent from hell, to tempt you and destroy your life, and they hide themselves so well, it is next to impossible to spot them, before it’s too late. Some call them emotional vampires. True, but they are also like boa constrictors. I thought I was the only one, until I read this stuff yesterday, but the thread is locked, so I am posting here. I feel better knowing there are more like me. I cant seem to forgive myself for being under her spell for so long. From what I hear, though, I am the only one thats ever broke free and left her (and survived!), (these I know for a fact, but they might have just been her ‘Johns’ for all I know) so I try not to be too hard on myself.

  49. Jim said

    Some answers before the Saga Continues
    Ok- one I was lonely and she did provide fun, sex and companionship – although it was jaded

    1. She had her own house and job
    2. Had a 22 year failed marriage
    3. Told me she loved me and wanted only me
    4. She actually invaded every facet of my life
    5. Telling me what to wear, when to sleep, what to eat
    6. She checked my phone, pc’s eveything
    7 I fell in fast and almost drowned

    8. I thought I could make a differnce in her life

  50. Jim said

    So upon arriving back in South Carolina- I call the “lady’ and ask where am I gonna sleep- she says I can not stay at her house and that I may need to rent a room at a Hotel- WTF- just engaged for 7 days- does not even come to greet me. Anyway- I have an air-mattress and sleep on the floor- I could really care less- Heartless COLD BITC*.. I call her the next Morning- she is off the entire week of Christmas. I ask her if she wants to go back to St Louis with me to get my other truck and car. She says no that she needs to get Christmas shopping done- RIGHT. So I rent a car- she reluctantly takes me to Hertz to get the rental car- one way- She did not want to take me because she said my dog would stink her car up.
    So I get into the rental car on the 21st of December and drive back to the St Louis Airport. I sure hope no one has went to sleep yet. !!! I get to the St Louis airport a buddy picks me up and drives me to Edwardsville Ill, I get my truck, run to u haul rent a car carrier, load up my car and head back to South Carolina. Nothing eventfull on this trip. I do stop in Dalton Ga and spend the night with a friend I met on the net. I arrive back in South Carolina in the 23rd- just in Time for the movin van to arrive with my household stuffs. I round up all the neighbors and in about 4 hours everything Jimmie has is back in his house and garage- NOTE- notice no mention of the Psycho- she had told me she was busy and would not be able to see me until the 24th. Man that’s a lot of busy for someone that wants to get married. Ok I am busy getting stuffs set up, and no she does not show up on Christmas eve- tells me it is her families special day and that she is too tired to see me. Of course I get mad- alone- engaged ?/ Not welcome by anyone in her life *****. Ok Christmas day arrives- I am depressed, overwhelmed and generally bummed out. She calls and informs me that she will bring me dinner (sarcasm) oh joy- I get leftovers in my home that is barely put together- she gives me some thoughless gifts and after I eat, she says she needs to get home- her entire Christmas stay in dec of 2008 is about 2 hours.
    Ok ending this for now. We all see the red flags- even I saw them- I have been in counseling and taking lexipro for about 5 years now.

  51. Flopsy said

    Jim , sadly most on this blog can relate to your experiences with your ex. You will recover but there will scars that will fade. It is good to share the pain, others will provide insight and support, especially on this blog. Walking out of the fog is a long journey and painful to say the least.

  52. Jim said

    Wel lflopsy- I have more to write and sometimes I feel like a fool

    • Kmackay-mitzs said

      Jim don’t feel like a fool! Cruelty, manipulation, calculated disregard for others, and callousness (to name but a few) are tools that they have perfected using. They know when they have met a loving, caring, emotionally mature person, it’s pay day to them. I felt foolish too, but honestly I would hate to be them. They really have no emotional skin, to feel that much and to interpret others in extremes must be agony.

      Sent from my iPhone

  53. Jim said

    part 7- Christmas 2008 till New Years 2009.
    So now- she gets all lovey dovey, is over every day. Getting our home put back together. Wonderful, I am not looking for a job. The Christmas season and New Year’s does not sound like a good time to be job hunting. We empty what seems like a million boxes and things are kind of in place- at least the home has a TV and dishes placed where they need to be, so this goes on till around the 30th of December, she says she wants to get married, but I need to get a job and try to beat my 2,000 alimony payment before we can go forward, also she hints that my dog will probably have to go.
    So we plan a quite New years eve, she shows up late as usual, I have some nice music on, some good wine, snacks etc. She looks like she just crawled outta bed, actually – well I will not go there. She starts the conversation out by saying we are not going to do anything. Ok.
    Well now she sits down unbuttons her shirt and drops her bra, pulls my head next to her breast as soon as I make contact- she cries sobs and calls me all kind of names and then gets up and tells me all I want is sex. She leaves at 7 Pm, calls me about 200 times and says she is at the hospital with a friend whose husband is dying of cancer. I do not see her till 9 Jan 2009. She says we cannot go on and she mails me the engagement ring back.
    Ok so I have a ring, no job, low on money- oh oh what to do. I talk to a Lawyer- he says I am screwed and to sell everything I have and to pay the alimony any way possible and not to draw unemployment. I listen and play this game for about 2 months. I apply for everything and anything, about 400 job applications in 2 months.
    During this time she is calling wanting us back and tells me she messed up and bought a Jeep Cherokee that she paid 3,000 for because it would make her happy. Of course I ask her, wtf- you talk about marriage- send me the ring back and still want to talk about us. She comes over a few times here and there and we have a few booty calls. I hire a private investigator- and they tell me to hire another lawyer. “God- I wish I was making this up”. We or should I say I get suckered back into being re-engaged in March of 2009. My life feels hopeless and it is still a long way from getting better.

  54. Jim said

    Is anyone bored yet ? This took a long time to write and it still pains me- and as you all know I have surely left out many many parts

  55. Flopsy said

    Jim continue its not boring…it casts light on the many dimensions of BPD behavior. People need to know they’re not alone in what they are experiencing. I am sorry for your pain, your ex is a nightmare. Such a roller coaster ride.

  56. Jim said

    Yes FLopsy- I am 56 and have never encountered anything like this , when i tell people they think I am lieing

  57. Jim said

    The Saga- part 8- March 2009 Early Dec 2009
    Ok it is March 2009, I am still unemployed. Getting banged once or twice a month. I am not happy at all. I have hired a new lawyer. He is an x- jag lawyer and tells me the fee is 2500.00 and to not sell anything or go draw unemployment ASAP. I do – I am able to make end meet and things are ok. I have my house payments made for a year in advance and all my debts are paid off. Ok around April- Easter of 2009- me and the Psycho are talking about the future, she says she cannot get married- does not want to live with a loser that does not have a job and has a 2000.00 a month alimony payment- Oh can we feel the love. She promises to spend the Easter holiday with me. You guessed it- I get a call at 1100 Pm on good Friday- her 18 year old son and 7 month old daughter are taking her to Gatlinburg. I get one more call at Midnight on Easter Sunday. She gives me the ring back on that Monday. I have to go to court on Tuesday for contempt of court for back alimony. My ex wife demand 15,000 in back alimony. The judge tells her to shut up- he tables everything for 90 days.
    I get home still confused, check my finances and make a plan- I am going back to Missouri and fish with my dad and spend time with my folks. I book a flight and stay gone 2 weeks. Of course I get about 2000 phone calls and take my cell phone and want to through it in the lake. I turn it off for 2 days. Well she calls my parents home- tells them she is really sick and needs to talk to me. I talk to her- More Bs.
    The day before I leave my dad is feeling terrible and I take him to the emergency room. He is in ICU when I return to South Carolina. PS I am glad I made this trip as this was the last time me and my father had any good time together as he passed away in June of 2012.
    Ok I get a call from my lawyer- contempt charges again- I tell him it has not been 90 days- he states it is an emergency thing as my ex is going to lose her house and car. Not my problem- the judge ask me if I can pay her 500.00 within the next 60 days. I kind of stutter around, but I can do this- I do have some “hidden” money. I sell a bunch of crab on eBay and pay the 500.00 in 10 days.
    Ok I am at Church- a man tells me about a job at a local University- I call- am bold desperate etc. I tell the operations manager that I do not want to apply online. I ask to hand carry my resume to him. We click- of course I had my Church friend and I also knew most of the Ce’e= Computer Engineers, lots of good Karma here. The manager sets me up for an interview the same week. Bragging here, I blow their socks off. They tell me I am so over qualified it is scary. They offer me a TLP job- Time Limited Position and start me at the top and the Salary level- yes less the 50,000 but tis ok. I am working. It is now May of 2009.
    As I write this I have love, hate and tears in my eyes, what a damn mess. I know many can agree with all this stuff. I start the new job- it is working nights. My boss tells me she is Bi-polar and can be a b**ch or love me to death. This proves so very very true. I show her what I am capable of, she tells me that is not the way we do it her, although it is smoother and easier, she would not accept any changes I tried to show her, I/e renaming the 4 printers for the different forms they printer- Medicaid billing type stuffs. The simply called them printer 1, printer 2, printer 3 and continues forms printer. I also showed her and others several shortcut editing keys and although 100 times faster, she informed me she preferred single line editing and there would be no discussion about changes. Ok so I am adapting. I go to court again in July of 2009. The ex has lost her house and car- I am so so upset- “sarcasm” I do not tell anyone except my lawyer that I am working. The judge tells me to pay her 100.00 a month until we can go to mediation- been there done that. Not happening. So I breeze along in a job that is just that- yes the Psycho is calling asking me about the job and the hearing etc. She tells me she loves me and is ready to move in with me- well we meet- spend a few days- and yes she is engaged again. Now she wants me to sell my house- my truck, my boat and give away my dog. Not going to happen. She is calling all the darn time,. I change my cell number. She calls my work- somehow gets my new cell number. This is really f’’’ed up. Anyway come October of 2009- I get called into the manager’s office and along with the B polar boss- they tell me I am smarter than anyone- but I am not fitting in- and to go home and get my act together. Jimmie scratches head butt and contemplates life- maybe start drinking- maybe eliminate the psycho. Don’t know.
    As it is October and I am bummed out- I kind of do a lot of nothing- yard work, some fishing, and a few online job postings- just to keep the unemployment checks coming in. Really life is not that bad- my military pension pays all my bills, the unemployment is just icing on the cake and I am making about 1,000 a month on eBay. Tis ok- but I am too young to quit. Somehow the psycho has given me back the ring and I am working at No Contact- I meet another nice lady let’s call her “E” we spend thanksgiving together and go to West Virginia and go visit her son on the outskirts of Atlanta- I tell her about the Psycho- but she really does not believe me. So one Friday “E” is at my house- we have grilled out and are chilling and have just went to bed, the phones, start ringing cell phone- home phone- text message- cell phone- home phone- this goes on for about 4 hours. “E” tells me this is BS- she answers and I kind of cover my head- I know what is next. I tell her we may as well get up. After about 45 minutes the psycho is pulling in the driveway- “e” wants to get a piece of this woman. I have already called the cops- she almost breaks my door down- it is gut wrenching- she melts and the police have a hard time getting her in her car- she is server with a No Trespass Order. Yeah yeah.
    Of course I am all f’’ed up and don’t know what to do here. This is now early December of 2009.

    • Marie said

      Jim,
      I have read every word you wrote so far. I am trying to absorb all of this information. Good for you for calling the police and having her arrested! What happens next?
      Marie

  58. Jim said

    Ok i do not see any response’s here, guess no one is reading

  59. Flopsy said

    Jim I read all of your posts too. I am still processing the information. You are not being ignored(;

  60. Jim said

    Ok will post a few chapters later- hard to believe this really happened

  61. Jim said

    SAGA Part 10 May 2010 Thru Dec 2010.
    Ok so I have met a lady named Nancy in NC- that did not work out. I go online meet a nice nurse from about 100 miles away- we talk- make plans have a great time. I am driving back and guess what ?? We all know- The BpdXgf is calling and calling all blocked numbers- I tell her that is enough Bull ShiIII- she unblocks her number- begs me to come over and do her. I am at a loss- I do go to her house- surprise. We also go see her mother and father. Not planned. I go Back to Missouri on June of 2010. My fathers health is getting worse and worse. The ex calls a lot but it amount to nothing. The finale thus far occurred as always on New Years Eve 2010. She had informd me that she would be over early and we would firm up wedding plans.
    Well at 00:15 she calls and asks if I am mad- I hang up. Talk to a friend of mine all night. I get 132 Texts from the pycho and 56 voices mails on my cell. And 32 Voice mails on my home phone. And 100 Emails, begging, pleading. Telling me I am what she needs and if I do not answer I am not a man. She comes over or tries to 2 times- I call the cops- she is arrested for new trespassing and also phone harrasement, The next week I take out a restraining order on her. Well guess what- she wants a jury trail for the restraining order and the phone harrassement. The judge tells here no on the r/o. She has a punk-a%% lawyer. Well now we wait to see when the court date is- we are at this time 100% no contact.

  62. Jim said

    Did i tell about getting kicked off of BPD family ? she created a fake profile “hope1” and stalked me on there

  63. Flopsy said

    Jim, what a nightmare! So much drama, gosh my ex pales in comparison to her. But drama is what they thrive on.

  64. Jim said

    Well Flopsy- it left me feeling dumb, but I know she is very very sick- I think I have about 2 years left- do you think this lady is BPD or more than one issue ?

  65. Jim said

    SAGA Part 11 Dec 2010 The legal times *********** June – July 2011 ***************
    Ok restraining order, no trespass and phone harassment all filed. Waiting on court date for phone harassment. 100% no contact- I do get calls on my cell from phone spoofing numbers and magic jack numbers. Home phone number changed- still get calls from private callers on that also. No emails or texts- I guess when I took it all to court she learned something ? I have heard nothing and it is now March 2011. I have been posting and reading about Borderline Personality Disorder. Been posting on BP family. Things are fine dealing with the no contact thing but all in all ok. Then I start getting Im’s on this site from “HOPE1”. I inform the moderators about this- they banned both of us. In this time around April of 2011- she had asked if she could call- of course I did- I wanted to get the 2500.00 ring set back. I told her that it was against the r/o and we could both be in trouble. About this time my mother calls and informs me that they have given up on my father- looks like her has less than 48 hours to life. I fly back to Missouri somewhere near the end of April of 2011. To my surprise my father is home- he is on oxygen very weak- but we talk about baseball and life- he is very weak and tells me he is not going to make it too much longer. The psycho does not call – we are speaking but not much. I get back to North Carolina and work 10 straight days. I am wiped out. I take off the last part of May. About 11 days. Me and the psycho have talked and I think we even had pleasures a time or 2. She cannot forgive me for calling the police and forcing her to hire a lawyer. I feel like just cussing all the time. I do not trust this evil woman, and I know she will destroy me. I get a call from the Doctor at the VA hospital in Missouri- they cannot find my mother and ask me if my father wants to be put on life support and heart bypass. I tell them no- he has a living will and that he wants no mechanical assistance.
    Ok this is near the end of May 2011. I think me and the psycho are engaged- at least she has the ring. I discuss my mom and dad with her. She says I need to be with them. I agree- but I have a life here and a house, job etc. My mother calls near the end of may 2011, she tells me that they do not expect dad to live another week. I am the only child. I work a 12 hour shift on a Monday- talk to my boss- he says just plan on taking the entire month of June off. I get home around 3 June 2011. I drive and take my dog. I have no clue what will happen. Anyway go see dad at nursing home- he is on morphine etc- Hospice tells me that maybe he has 2 or 3 days. I consult with my mother- we contact- the life insurance companies and pre-arrange the funeral. My father dies on June 3rd of 2011 and is buried on the 7th of June. I stay home until around the 15th. The psycho is calling at least every hour. I get back to South Carolina- she wants to know everything and then starts a fight about her legal fees- I cuss her out. She drives off- I get the ring back on June 19th. I still have it. End of SAGA – Not yet.

  66. Jim said

    No replies. seems like I have bored all parties

  67. Flopsy said

    Jim, how long have you been out of the relationship with your ex? It’s not a matter of boring people. Every one on this blog can relate to your experiences. BPD’s are addictive, but once you look into yourself and confront what is missing in you/ or from your childhood. It will help you realize why you were so vulnerable to your ex. Nones are guilty of being easily beguiled by BPD’s.

  68. Jim said

    IT has been over 18 months since i have seen here, Had a few calls, did not talk. I think JUne of last year is the last time i heard her voice

  69. Jim said

    i was going to post the nonsense she had on BPD family it is still there

  70. Bass10 said

    I think the problem with me is she was the “first” after my wife passed away and I mistook it as 100% love

  71. JIm said

    I do not think I can write any more I get mad and depressed

  72. JIm said

    I still get upset even after 2 years my chest actually hurts

  73. JIm said

    I still believe she reads each word I post, but so far almost 2 years and no contact- I just want to move away- feel scared a lot

    • savorydish said

      Jim,
      The fear will go away. It is an irrational fear to think you will never replace her. I found someone. You will too. Give yourself the strength to be whole without her. Learn to enjoy your own company.

  74. Flopsy said

    Jim, I think we need to believe that we mattered to them at some level. But the truth is we do not. They rarely look back to assess what damage they wreaked. They keep moving forward to new victims. I doubt she looks at your posts, which is a good thing for you. I used to long for contact from my ex, when I got it 5 months after the split I used it to make him accountable for his past actions. That was a waste of time, I’ve moved on. The drama, fickleness, hypersensitivity and narcissism were too much.
    You went through a lot with your ex, you’re still raw. It will take time to heal.

  75. Jim said

    I just seem to stay mad, angry, and it seems to be taking forever. I want to call her work and cuss her out. She knew what she was doing when she met me. all tyhe lies, promises for what ? Someone needs to keep telling me not to call

  76. JIm said

    Well, i called the ex’s work. They have an automated telephone thing- when i stated her name- the machine said there is no one by that name empolyed there

  77. JIm said

    Hey Dc if you read these- it may let you know u need help

  78. Hello all, I have always read each new post and while I seldom post now a days, I have to tell ya Jim it really does get better, but you have to be honest with your thoughts and feelings. I still have my angry days, but most days I am ok. But there are days when I am still amazed at how big a liar she really is and how much she craves attention and tries to hide it or deceive other namely men to get that attention.

  79. jim said

    ok getting odd stuff on phone ane facbook

  80. Jinm said

    I do not know anymore I still think this PSYZCHo is out to destroy me

  81. Jim said

    Ok all going crazy here, feel like i am breaking down. it has been 18 months no contact at all. call her work and the switchboard says nobady by that name. I feel like I am having a nervouse breakdown- and jsut want to cry- and I can not flush her out of my mind- I want to talk to her

  82. Jim said

    I feel like my life is over and i just want to quit

  83. Jim said

    Why can i not let this go ??

  84. Flopsy said

    Jim I think you should consider therapy to help you with your issues. Moving on is different for everyone, it sounds like you’re having a horrible time. Please consider that you may have BPD traits too. Not going on is NOT an option.

  85. jim said

    i know and i am in therapy

  86. jim said

    The damn lies are eating me alive

  87. JIm said

    I know all, just the fact of being 100% cut off is well neutering

  88. Sammy C said

    @ Jim , I’ve heard or saw each post from you this one I can surely attest to , and that is its gets better sir trust me , it gets better , in months to come you will grow to not care weather they contact you or not …as a matter of fact when you start to see through all the lies and it totally becomes clear to your brain that its was all smoke and mirrors , then you will be able to cast this demon back to the low depths from which she dwells ? , And don’t hurt your self whats whats she wants more than anything
    to see you hurt F her man !!!!

  89. Flopsy said

    Jim, I agree with Sammy it will get better! Live your life, try to remember what you happy before you met this thing. Stay busy, don’t recollect the good times with her but rather the lows, her negative behavior her abusiveness. This will buoy you up and help you move forward. Things will pick up… Move forward, a lot of people on this blog and in your life support you!

  90. Sammy C said

    Hey Jim , I think you will realize at some point that it really is like being on drugs what these people do /did to us. With that said , having never and I mean never , been addicted to anything it was harder than hell to re-trick my brain into realizing what a cheap whore that I allowed myself to open up to, These people specialize in trickery and fuckery ,and they know it , their family knows it , and their so called bullshit friends know as well . , I can remember that I allowed myself to go home each and every night , and convince my self that the crazy ass shit I was hearing out of her stupid mouth was somehow cool , that I needed to just have more patience , Why you might ask , because I was very much a unsatisfied customer with most women I met anyhow. This creature turned me on from day one and I thought I was right and that I had just hit the jackpot , Boy was I wrong , In my case I have also come to realize that, why am I hoping for something with a whore like this anyhow , God only knows how many men she has had before me and trust me that number is extremely high ,and and that number even to this day continues to grow, In my case I wasn’t needy I was more wanting, I didn’t need miss high functioning for much of nothing , I didn’t need that bitch really at all, but I wanted to find a great relationship , and her simple but saductive ways is what trapped me. You just have to look at it and fuck those who tell you to move on , Take your time look at it admit the hard truths and in there you will find inner peace , and if you see her don’t be afraid to speak the truth , As they say it will set you free!!!!

  91. Sammy C said

    The reason I use the word whore here , and I hope her enablers see this post ..is cause my Cluster-B is not only a Cluster-B , but also a Nympho LOL funny but true, couldn’t be true to one man if she tried , These are things she wonders around and try to keep hidden from others that when she got molested my family or close family friends , it turned her into a Nympho as well …REALLY ! it did its sad but true ….This bust down needs years and years of Help from the medical professionals before she will be even able to live with herself , let alone a damn man….HA HA !!! How about that Miss JK , See I do know you , way more than you know honey , Way more than you ever suspected LOL!!!!

  92. Flopsy said

    Sammy I like how blunt you are about borderlines.

  93. Sammy C said

    @ Flopsy , Its not something I am proud of , but this shit happened to me , I gave this animal a chance to simply say hey I am sorry , Had that happened I not sure I would be here , but based on what happened to my brain Flopsy , I am sure I placed myself in a no win situation , so Im sure Iwould have wound up here any how , and you know what I am glad I did, I speak out openly really cause I don’t want this to happen to another Male or Female thats just simply out there looking for true love! I can be a incredible great loyal friend only if a person is honest , Hell Flopsy I’m not perfect , hell but I sure as hell don’t go around tying to fool others or fucking over others to be known or grab attention , I know real women who are call girls that I have a thousand times more respect for ..WHY , because they are honest about it!!!! I respect and love the human being , and we all have our crosses to bare!!!!

  94. Sammy C said

    And another thing Flopsy , is I gave my Cluster-B chance after chance to opt out of our relationship , only to hear and I quote ..”NO I DON”T WANT TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE , OR FUCK OTHER PEOPLE” only to have this slut do it behind my back ,and then use it to smear me , and try time and time again to make me Jealous , Oh you will never know the extremes this bitch went to to do that , every thing from leaving semen stains in her bed ,so I could see them , to making sure I notice that gifts that I gave her were given to others …to accusing me of being a stalker …WOW Flopsy …And I’m supposed to not be angry , I’m supposed to have compassion , for a low life stinky rat like this ….REALLY , I am ? Well if anyone who calls themself her friend, or her family I wouldn’t hold my breath on me being kind to her nasty ass at all !!! I won’t be thats a promise!!! If I ever run into her ….And I mean ever!!! Well unless Jesus himself tells me she’s healed …and I dought I’ll be getting any messages texts or otherwise from jesus anytime in the near future!!!!! 🙂

  95. Flopsy said

    Hi Sammy, your honesty is refreshing. She was a piece of work… And no I don’t believe you should extend any compassion to her. I think you’re still bruised from the relationship. Aren’t you glad you’re not like her/them? Nothing they say or do is for the good of others, I think most are narcissic to a degree. I could run out of expletives to describe what a f$ck up they are.

    • Sammy C said

      Oh @ Flopsy Sure I still have my days where my mind will wonder back to that area , but thats really only because , I am really not the fuck every thing you see type anyhow , so as soon as I had figured it out, which took about a year for the most part I got a lot better , I know she is a coward and could never face me , Hell if people were saying things about me like I say about her I would want to talk to my critics to find out why..If it was me , or I would take a big mouth SOB like me to court to make it stop , but not if the evidence if going to stack up against me like the Sears/Willis Tower then in that case I will just run from state to state get involved with every sleaze bag I can find, and project and keep fooling all that will listen to my bullshit!!! LOL , As far as Narcissistic is concern , Well hell that goes without saying she don’t cut herself , I guess not anymore so she hurts others non-suppecting fools like me , Thats how it works for these trolls Flopsy..!!!!

  96. Sammy C said

    Oh @ Flopsy , Yeah I’m still a little hot under the collar about it , but not to the point where I lose control like I use too , If I saw her I would still say the same things but in a controlled way, She no longer or what or who she does have any control over me or my heart…See I went through some major embarrassment , looked foolish and was in trauma all at the same time , took a HIV test , thank God it was negative , so I am like this if nothing major happened to me other than a bruised ego , and some hurt feelings , then it no need to be hostile , or violent …..But speaking the truth and tell those that will listen the truth and making my community aware of this black widow …Is something I can do , once I get the revenge thing out my system then I think I’ll be almost back to total normal….I am working on getting that out of my heart…But I will never forget it , and I will always be vocal about these horrorable people!!!!!

  97. Sammy C said

    Again @ Flospy , YES I am so grateful that If I so chose to love someone For the LOVE of Christ I CAN DO JUST THAT…….You know I use to take that for granted until all this…It must be really hard being those assholes…..!!!! But remember now , Yeah they have decided to be a false person ..But there are others out there that are the ones who are responsible for the way the Cluster-B is ,and these people are just a guilty and the Cluster-B exes!!!!

  98. Sammy C said

    Just as guilty as the cluster -B exes

  99. Flopsy said

    Sammy, fortunately I was not in the relationship that long. Enough time though to cause distress. That said I wish there was a way to truly make them accountable for their abusive, pathological behaviors. But, then again we’re lucky that we are not them. I agree that the perpetrators who wreaked their havoc and created these nightmares roam free unscathed. It’s just a terrible cycle.

  100. Sammy C said

    Yeah @ Flopsy , I was only in mine 7 months ..but I was totally in love with her ……I am a simple guy yet complex , I like simple women , meaning I don’t like too much of a made up look , She was simple and raised on a farm ..but very smart crafty and very seductive …She has a good education , and with that she knows how to dress that seduction up…it almost impossible to say no if you get caught by her , She knows what she is doing! Yeah its a very terrible cycle …She told me once that She used to drink beer and stuff with her father and his friends when she was 8 years old …Now you draw you own conclusions to that one ….Even told me her family fought a lot ……But at the time I didn’t know so I had no clue ..I thought I was just supposed to be a support person and listen…Got me into big trouble!!!!

  101. Flopsy said

    Sammy, they are seductive. They feed into what was lacking in our own childhood. The overvaluation pulls you in, our own parents saw our deficits. The early months were intoxicating, but the succeeding months were nightmarish. It doesn’t take long for their true colours to be revealed. I have to say the BPD I was involved with was not attractive physically, but his apparent openness emotionally was. It was a well scripted act to lure new victims, he is pathetic. The script stays the same.

  102. Sammy C said

    Oh yeah Flopsy I know it does , cause in my case , guys are always going to fall for a nice butt and a smile and some big boobs…..and a easy entry !!!! , She can’t lose!!!! , My problem right now is the same as when I got involved with her …Under Sexed …I have had total time to figure out why I fell for this shit or took so much abuse after I know it was something wrong …Thats it Under sexed , I kinda anointed her the one , and for the love of Christ I was going to make this one work …SHIT!!! I’ll tell everyone here you can’t fit a square peg in a round whole….Never forget that OK!!! She didn’t love me it was a pathological lie , she is full of them , it second nature to her to tell them its like going to the bath room its just something she does with no regret or remorse .

  103. Flopsy said

    You’re absolutely right! The sex is amazing nothing is taboo to them, the problem is it becomes transactional. It lacks the emotional depth and complexity that you have with a partner who is emotionally and psychologically congruent. Again, they follow their recipe, it’s automatic, robotic a formula for disaster for the non. I try not to focus on the good feelings, because they were fake. Instead I remember the negative which represents more accurately what a loser he is.

  104. Sammy C said

    There ya go , I just believe that me being honest for me ..is the key to my healing and well being!!!

  105. Sammy C said

    Yeah and at first I thought about the Sex alot and who was getting it now , I think about others that were better to me about 90% of the time , and what a good freak she was about 5% of the time …..and what a whore she is about the other 5% ..soon I won’t think about her t all, in that way !!!! , its a copeing magnesium I have with how to get over sex …I didn’t have a problem with the missed sex …as much as the smearing and the lies , and the sex she was lying saying she wasn’t having ..knowing all along she was lying!!!!

  106. Sammy C said

    No offense to all the good women out there , but theres nothing wrong with a good whore story either LOL , just not at the expense of others life or health or well being , as we say in Chicago ,,Now thats real talk ., I just keeping it 100..!!! 🙂

  107. Sammy C said

    Like I have said time and time again , I am glad GOD made me blind to this chick , Cause Iwould have dogged her real good , then made her a SIDE BITCH, and we know how those SIDE BITCHES get treated don’t we!!!!

  108. Flopsy said

    Sammy your frankness is appreciated but male BPD’s are as venomous as females. They can be whores too for both genders sex is a big part of the allure or mirage. Compassion, genuineness and sincere love allude them. I have an heightened sense of awareness about them now, I wish I had never encountered them at all.

  109. Sammy C said

    I understand and you are 100% right@ FlopsI didn’t mean to imply that only women were like that I’m sure the males are just as bad!!!! I just had to get me a good laugh out of it though!!!!

  110. Sammy C said

    I understand and you are 100% right@ FlopsI didn’t mean to imply that only women were like that I’m sure the males are just as bad!!!! I just had to get me a good laugh out of it though!!!! Any time you need to talk just let me know, I’m here for you OK!

  111. Flopsy said

    Sammy, no offense taken. I was trying to convey that most of the research is on females but those insidious pricks are running amok too! Similar behaviors different genetalia!

  112. Sammy C said

    A message to all Cluster-B personalities From your victims…. I Am A Good Enough Person To Forgive “You” For What You Have Done To Me, But Not “Stupid” Enough To “Ever” Trust you “Ever” Again!!!

    NoNs!!!!

  113. Jim said

    THis is a letter I was gonna send my BPD woman- but I trhink she would call the police

    Debbie
    I want to take a few minutes of your time,
    This is a letter that I will never get from you, and these are words that I would love to hear but sadly I will not.
    This is what I would like to hear
    I came into your life looking for something that I can not have. I was looking for love and have no idea what that is or how to share that with anyone. I could have tried to be your fiancé and wife but I did not.
    I know you loved me and I know you tried and tried. I knew I had you and I turned my back or shut the door. I know this upset you but you were there for me. I have no idea what true love is and it scared me. So I ran and hurt you. I was scared when you came back from Missouri so I ran. When your dad died I was threatened so I cut you out of my life.
    I know that changing my phone numbers and blocking you out of my life was the only choice I had. Your love scared me and I could not tell you.

    In my response I can answer in a few choice words.
    Through the years and tears you have destroyed any feelings I once had for you.
    I gave you 100% of my love and devoted my heart,soul and mind on us.
    I know now that you never cared about us, it was only about you.
    So when you look around and you are old and blue
    I want you to remember me as a man that wanted to love you.
    I will never see you again and this is true, because it was never about me only you.
    So life this life as best you can, and do not worry about where I am.

  114. Jim said

    By the way my BPDEX handle on yahoo is “YOUR FRIEND:

  115. Flopsy said

    Jim, your letter was moving

  116. Jim said

    Yes Flopsy but I did not send it- unsure if I should or not

  117. JIm said

    Sammy was ypu cluster B named Debbie ?

  118. Flopsy said

    Jim I don’t know if you should send it…she wouldn’t understand what you’re trying to convey. Sincere emotions and respecting others never enters their consciousness.

  119. Jim said

    I really should not post anything on here at all, the pain that knowing a Bpd woman is to much- it has takend years off of my life

  120. Flopsy said

    Jim, keep posting on this site. Talking helps, most people here can empathize with you a lot. I don’t doubt you feel more aged than you did prior to your ex. Toxic relationships can take their toll. Moving on takes time, but some remnants of that relationship will probably never go away. You can be happy again.

  121. JIm said

    Well flopsy as messed up as it sounds I would like to hear her voice

  122. Jim said

    Well today I got several texts from her old phone number- all odd- hatefull stuff

  123. Flopsy said

    Well then this should reinforce the fact that you’re lucky for not having to deal with her anymore…lucky man!

  124. JIm said

    Oh I am sure has been had been many others since she disappeared on me. Damn bith anyway

  125. Jim said

    Yes all I met mine when i was 51 and am now 56, i do get some dates here and there, but things just do not feel the same.

    I will get it back

  126. Jim said

    I want to know why the ehll i miss her so much after 2 years

  127. Flopsy said

    Because you loved her! You got drawn into her net of deception…they are in love with being in love but they are incapable of it!

  128. Jim said

    should i call her ?

    • savorydish said

      No. The reason why you miss her is because you keep playing the good memories over and over again in your head. You need to remind yourself of all the horrible things she did to you. You have to decide that you deserve better.

  129. Jim said

    I agree, there are some things in my life major that I will not post on here, because I still belive she looks at anything I do on the net, maybe not. I do enjoy being on here and the advice is good, sounds like me and Sammy met the same woman. It will always bug me why she lied about her kids ages and manay other things. I perosnnally think she is making her ex husband crazy.

    That is a question how do these wioman stay married for 22 years, then lie about the kids, their lifestyles.

    Is everyone in there family aware that the BPd is a mess ?

  130. Flopsy said

    Yes their families usually know that they are screwed up…SD was right about thinking about the good times makes us yearn them. Remember the horror that you went through the cravings will subside.

  131. Jim said

    Well like i said I have some major tyhings happening in my life and I will no longer be any where areound her. I do always feel that she will smear me in the small southern towns- or try to rehook me. So moving is the best for me.

    I am not running from here- this is a major job enhancement and a chance to start over.

  132. Jim said

    Do they treat all their victims the same- I feel like i was the only one that could have been treated this badly= and how in the hell do they live with theirselves ?

  133. Jim said

    Ok all, i messed up I sent her the letter and on the outside I just told her she would never see or hear from me again, along with a Happy mothers day.

    Now i am scared. Why is it so hard to learn ?

    • savorydish said

      You are stuck in a pattern. So ask yourself what need is being filled by contacting her. Learn to love yourself and you won’t seek it from someone who can never give you the love you really need.

  134. jim said

    i know savory I know. I have a woman now that really loves me. I do not know why I want to here from this BPd woman.
    I was never like this before I meet her, I was and still am a prouid and confident man- but the emotuional abuse i allowed was in human.
    I have to believe that her coming along after my wife died was my downfall, I was still grieving my wife had been gone almost 1 year and having someone felt good, but I had no clue about BPD or whatever is wrong with her.
    It has cut me to the core

    • savorydish said

      I understand, Jim. You want her to resolve what was left unresolved. You want her to repair what was broken. You are looking to fix the past. A past that was broken long before you met your BP woman. Your childhood left you with an addiction, addicted to the feeling of longing for someone who never gave you enough love. To you, that is more appealing than the love you have in front of you.

  135. jim said

    Savory I am unsure of that- I can agree me and my father where always at odds and he dod not show love at all. You make it sound like I am BPD ?

    • savorydish said

      That was not my suggestion at all. Either way you have to address that issue. You’re going to have to learn to love yourself. A person who loves themselves won’t seek the approval of emotionally unavailable people. This pertains to Nons and Cluster Bs.

  136. jim said

    Ok, I am working on it I see my thearpist tommorrow. Hopefully I can get things going in the right direction. I feel like I am falling apart. i do have a girlfriend now and that helps so so much

    • savorydish said

      We’re all in the same boat, Jim. So I don’t want you to think that I’m judging you. You may feel like you’re falling apart, but I will bet good money you are not.

      Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. You too are a product of your upbringing. You have a firm grasp of BPD, use that to help cope.

      I’m glad the new girlfriend is helping, but be careful that you are not using her as an emotional crutch. Don’t play the co-dependent game. Let her know where your heart is at and then let her make the decision to stay or go.

      I spent a year working on myself before I jumped back into the dating game. That was how I made sure I was not becoming dependent on others for self-worth. For Nons and BPs, it is important to put the focus on one’s self before seeking relationships. Good luck.

  137. Jim said

    Well I believd with all my heart that my ex is the worst kind of Bpd and it has been 2 years, i have had a date here or there. I am not going to fully disclose the good things in my life. Let it be known the new lady is 44 and I am 56 and we click. Might not last long but for now it is refreshing and we get along great

  138. jim said

    I may be jumping in quick but the new lady has me only thinking of her

  139. jim said

    Thats is the new lady

  140. journeygrl said

    PS: From journeygrl; Now after surviving the ordeal of divorcing my “broken” spouse, what everyone needs to realize that it’s not just women out there that do this….these broken people win in court at portraying themselves as the victim, and honey they are always the victim in life, because then they never have to take the responsibility of their mental illness or behavior….EVER! They are masters at manipulating and they all wear a mask of sanity but they are absolutely nuts, the wiring in their brains is so screwed up, and by playing the role of victim they are always in control of their story.
    I have read story after story of these pathological women that file false charges of domestic violence to get the upper hand in their divorce…those that really experience domestic violence are too afraid to file charges for fear of what else the “nut” will do to them or their children. (trust me I know)
    Here’s a list of what a pathological disordered BPD, NPD, …broken disordered man is capable of…. when they go completely over the edge, and must protect their mask of sanity at all costs…and if you attempt to leave them Lord Help you Jesus! The marriage vows state you love your spouse in sickness and in health..but with someone broken…you just have to cut your losses and work on your own healing…

    On Nov. 28th 2008; I left my disordered and left him the message; “we love you but we are not coming home until you get some help” I did not file any charges against him, nor did I want to destroy him, but I did want him to get some help, he was out of control, and had been for some time, and it had gotten to the point that it was destroying our child and our lives…
    Little did I know just how disordered he really was and what he truly was capable of…
    1.
    2.Tells everyone that their wife abused them, attempts to file domestic charges against her, because she won’t come home.
    3.Signs up with match. com and numerous dating sites the same day she leaves you and tells you, ” We love you but we are not coming home until you get some help” and precedes to have fun, fun, fun
    4. Requires that their wife give you a blow job and or sex every night the last 2 years of their 20 year marriage, and after wards
    requires a back scratch and tells her that if she doesn’t do it that it will be the biggest mistake she ever made in her life.
    5. Informs their wife that “if you were hanging over a toilet about to die your should be grateful to give your pussy anytime they want it” and when she shows you that you that according to masters and johnsons you have more sex than the average man your age, they say” I don’t care I want sex when I want it”
    6. Puts all the debt in their wife’s name and then removes their name off of everything, but not before they blow everything they have on doing the “one up” with their peers; blowing thousands of dollars that should have been used on repairs to your property and home after the Ike storm.
    7. going to the court therapist and telling her that their wife is crazy and abusive, and has turned your child against you, then hiring 2 attorneys, filing for divorce, custody of your preteen daughter, and a civil suit for so called “abuse” you suffered; then turning around and signing your wife up on flirt.com, giving details of where she lives, what she does for a living, and stating: She likes big black dicks, will be your sex slave, and let you pee in her mouth”. When this woman never even looked at another man and walked on egg shells and waited on you like a king.
    8. Tells their child they have burned all the family pictures because they left; calls their mother a whore, slut, and bitch and then cuts off their childs phone. Drains all the money so their wife doesn’t have money to hire a descent atty trained in personality disordered spouses.
    9. Begs their wife to come home and that they will get help, only to find out when their family comes home, that there are countless women messages on the answering machine, for your preteen daughter to hear, and porn in the family DVD player, so when their child goes to put a movie in they see “Eight hours of big dick fucking ass” porn movie. Only to ask their A-B grade child, “Why are you failing school?
    10. Once you deceive your wife into coming back home (so she can’t say your an abuser in court) they inform you that they are dating someone and need to tell the person they are really married and asks you to help explain to them it’s over, only to go outside and call them and tell them it’s not over, that they are really saying this so the crazy wife doesn’t have a leg to stand on in court, and you can continue to abuse her in court and sue for custody in court.
    11. “Disordered victim” is caught by their own preteen daughter that they are still cheating, exposes them, so disordered leaves and moves in with their online bimbo, all the while telling their “stupid” so called crazy abusive wife that “they are not sleeping together”
    11. Goes to their child’s school the week of Christmas finals and tries to force their child to leave with them; and when their child says ” no you abused my mother”, and tells their disordered father, “you don’t care if we end up in a cardboard box, ” the disordered dad tells the child in front of the principal, vice principal, her counselor, and two police officers, “you are right I don’t and if it’s the last thing I do I am going to take everything away from your mother including you”
    12. Empty’s their 401k and starts blowing every dime they can get their hands on, buys motorcycle, tells everyone that their divorcing their wife bc of credit card debt, when they applied for yet another card, and couldn’t get but 3500.00 cause they aint paying their bills, and using it to buy their bimbo biker chick GF a motorcycle.
    13. Breaks all temporary orders, threatens wife countless times they are going to kill her then kill themselves, while they are living with GF, going on countless trips, spending hundreds of dollars on vigra, and taking 4 or 5 at a time, so they can screw all night long with Bimbo, then bragging to “crazy abusive wife” about it.
    14. Getting wife fired from her job, because they are hauling them to court for the countless “contempt” charges they are committing, including coming on the property and vandalizing, cutting telephone wires, stealing property, flatting her tires, breaking the water line, and then lying to the cops.
    15. Showing up and threatening to “whip” their daughter because she said, ” I want my damn family pictures you said you burned and are holding hostages in some storage facility”, then when she tries to protect herself, you tell the police she attacked you and threatened with your atty that you are going to file charges in juvenile court and send her to a hospital.
    16. Demand visitation with their preteen daughter, finally pays some child support after months, only to ignore her, refuse to speak with her, tell your “crazy abusive wife” that when they “F…” up they royally “F…” up and they have done the mother of all “F…up” and it’s too late to go back now. And yes you wanted your cake and eat it too for awhile”…then turn around and send your “crazy abusive wife” an email with the “nude” pictures you talked her into taking while you were married, and telling her that you are going to make a website so every time someone googles her name the pictures will come up and that they are going to send them to your family and your 78 mother that just had heart surgery so maybe she will finally kick the bucket.
    17. Take your preteen daughter to a biker bar on your visitation; with your bimbo biker GF’s biker club, ride with her while they have been drinking beer, and they are talking to bimbo on the phone.
    18. Refuse to cooperate with all divorce precedings, then after the divorce tell you now ex…crazy abusive ex wife, “you did it, this is your fault”, and whine ” you made me look like a criminal in court and now I have to see my daughter in the therapist’s office getting counseling with her to see her and I’m not going to do it”
    19. Allow your “biker chick GF” to plaster everything you are doing on the biker club website, making sure she is posting that all the activities and trips that “the so called victim’s” daughter wanted to do with her dad, that dad has done it all with Biker Chick. Not to mention comments she makes about “their sex life” SO THEIR CHILD AND THEIR CHILD’S FRIENDS CAN READ ANYTIME!
    20. Tells their only daughter, that their father is dead to them, and tells their 34 year old son in front of their two grandson’s ages 6 and 8 that their son is dead to them, because he stood up to his disordered father.

    Gentlemen…they say that hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn, well that does not come from the bible, a Shakespeare play. It took 2 years to divorce my personality disordered ex, he destroyed everything we ever had together, and he enjoyed every minute of it too. In the last four years he never contacted his only daughter, nor the court therapist so he could rebuild any relationship they may have had left, no he was way to busy rebuilding his reality, and inflicting as much passive aggressive damage he could to our lives. He didn’t call her to apologize for the hell he put his only daughter through, or for lying to her over and over again, nor did he apologize for destroying her childhood, her trust in men, or for allowing her to go without while he was having the time of his time, and portraying himself and the victim.
    He didn’t write her on her 16 birthday, send her a card, or even attempt to make any appointment with the court therapist…nope but he did buy his biker GF a trike motorcycle the same month of his only daughter’s 16 birthday, pay off his credit cards, one that was 15,000, start a business with biker chick and marry her, all the while dragging out his child support just enough that it wouldn’t make it worth it to take him to court.
    And yet he truly can not understand why his daughter says ”
    he should be in jail for what he did to us” and that she wants nothing to do with him”.

    You can not fix the broken, when they tell you they never could put themselves in another person’s shoes, that they have never been able to feel empathy or compassion for other’s not even their own children, and that they just have this big black hole in them that is empty…
    When someone shows you who they really are….believe them and get yourself a damn good therapist because you are going to need it to recover from the pathological damage to your soul, the loss of the person that never existed, and the depression you feel finding out that you were just one more means to the end for this broken person to blame for their brokenness.

  141. Sammy C said

    And your KIDS ..and family journeygrl !!!!

  142. Jay-Jay Jaded said

    Anyone caught in one of these relationships would be wise to remember that BPD women have been known to lie about being raped, beaten, abused, etc. And they will feel no remorse for ruining your life. They will sleep tight while you rot in a cell.

    That guy imprisioned on an injustice? Yeah, that could be you. Remember that.

  143. KC Yap said

    I emphatize you..I suspected my ex Joana is an untreated BPD. I did so much research on her bcoz I did not get any closures that I demanded from her…fr accusations that I ama pervert, future paedophile when her daughter grown up, controlling etc . I have nvr been so patient to anyo
    ne n feel so much love to give to her. 2 1/2 of relationships with 4 breakups and 3 patch backs. Most last a week..The last breakup…she was with me over the weekend (fri-sat) and on Sun she fall in liv with another man whom later posted their kissing pic in Skout. As a victim, I felt being shamed in public (cyber)…the hurts is so painful…I have nvr once raised my voice to her…always she first…support n encouraged her…I only suspected she got BPD after the final breakup…but suspecting her having BPD did give me a closure bcoz I know at least will think I know the reasons for her behaviout. Yup, she activated her rnablers saying that luv is not sympathies n cannot be forced….Gosh!!! Anyway, afyer the final breakup since she got a new man…i stopped trying to save the toxic relationship. I bet my last dime they are not together now….I know her too much…She sms me twice afyer thd incident and the last one I ignored her msg…I juz have to move on n stop begging for bones here

  144. Elizabeth said

    Right now I believe I’ve lost my husband of 19 years to a girl he picked up off tinder , I’m sure she has BPD everything has happened way too fast way too weird way too intense and the man who swore he’d give his last breath for me who adored his three children hasn’t seen us for 6 weeks she’s moved in with hm , we feel like the man we loved, our daddy has been swallowed up by this crazy person, I don’t know if he will ever come back
    Eliz.

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