The Trouble with Anna

January 23, 2017

When I met Anna, I was drawn to her child-like wonder and openness. She seemed to have so much energy for life. But, like all the women I attract, there was another side to that same coin. That childish nature had a dark side.

Our first date was very telling. She was hours late and never bothered to text me. When she did arrive, she said she was hungover.  This would not be the first time she was flaky and unapologetic. It was assumed that I would tolerate her flakiness. But it only made me look elsewhere for love.

She would later get upset because she found out that I was dating another woman during our first month of dating. I did so because I couldn’t take either one seriously. Both were flaky.  And I have learned that is a sure sign of an unstable mind and personality- one that is loving one minute, and callous just months later.

She would often crawl into my arms like a cat, just to feel my embrace. One could easily mistake this for love. All my friends did. But she, like all my exes, took love away as quickly as she gave it. Troubled women know how to make you feel loved. But they are just going through the motions. I was skeptical from the very beginning, because I knew what to expect.

Unfortunately for her, I was a different man when I met her. I no longer gave my heart to a woman without reservation. It was this reservation that drove her mad. Or rather, it revealed her madness. By the time I met her, I was well-read on the topic of personality disorders. She didn’t like this either. My knowledge of disordered people gave her concern. Her concern, in turn, gave me more reservation. Because, had she been more supportive of what I had been through with other troubled women, I might have been more willing to dive in. 

But something about her, kept me out of the pool. The more I got to know Anna and her past, the more I saw commonalities between her and my BPDex. Anna may not have been as troubled as my BPDex, but she had her own set of issues… Her own triggers. Growing up in a family that struggled with alcoholism and infidelity, left deep scars with Anna. She was always doubting the affection I showed her… Always reading my emails and questioning my relationship with other women.

Every time she felt insecure, she would block my number and put up the Wall of Silence. And every time she did that, I became more distant and doubtful that the relationship would last. This was normal for her. It was not unusual for her family members to cut off contact. Her own father kicked her out of the house because he didn’t like the guy she was dating. When I heard these stories, I knew what I was dealing with. I knew why she was so flaky.  Flakiness is a form of sabotage. People, who fear intimacy, instinctually push others away when they get too close… Or when they fear they aren’t worthy of your love. 

In the end, she was the one who cheated on me. But instead of confessing and showing remorse, she felt like she had good reason to cheat on me. Like my BPDex, she hated what her father had done to her. Like my BPDex, she was too much of a coward to punish or confront her father. So instead, she punished me for her father’s wrongdoings. This is the MO of a Man Hater. They are always seeking someone to punish for terrible things that were done to them long, long ago.

Sex was an important part of our relationship. Unlike, my other exes, Anna didn’t have weird sexual hang-ups or triggers. She loved sex as much as I did. We would sometimes spend all day having sex. But once again, there was another side to this coin. Anna loved sex so much, she had sex with another man while I was on a business trip. She says she doesn’t have BPD, but her fear of abandonment is real and strong.  So when I left for my trip, she took that as abandonment.

Like all troubled women, sex was used as bait and a reward for being a good codependent. But if I didn’t give her 24/7 attention, she would punish me by having sex with another man.  Like my BPDex, she had trouble keeping it in her pants. This is how a Man Hater stabs you in the back. They do it with glee and pride, suppressing all shame. Man Haters come from families where loved ones treat each other horribly. But nobody talks about the Elephant in the Room. Because that would be cause for concern. 

All signs pointed to Anna being another Hit and Run Artist. Like my BPDex, she was a perpetual runaway.  As soon as she detected possible rejection, the wall went up. Nothing could get to her behind that wall. She wanted me to beg her back. But I wanted none of that. I was over it. I had been down this road too many times to care. I had developed my own defenses and much thicker skin. I was actually surprised by how easy it was for me to get over Anna. 

This is what they have collectively done to me. They pushed me away to the point where I don’t even care anymore. I no longer struggle to win people back.  Once the wall goes up, I write that person off and thank them for wasting my time.

A Narcissist’s Prayer

January 17, 2017

That didn’t happen.

And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.

And if it was, that’s not a big deal.

And if it is, it is not my fault.

And if it was, I didn’t mean it.

And if I did.

You deserved it.

-Source Unknown

I hope all my troubled exes read this.

So how many of you would take relationship advice from someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder? Anybody? No?

Well, it seems my BPD Ex is now in the business of giving relationship advice to young women. Instead of demonizing men for hard-hitting feminist magazines, she has switched to a lighter approach… Demonization with a side of giggles and girly talk… Feminism with a light, creamy frosting. Sady Doyle has also had success going after a younger, more naive audience… An audience that is less likely to know what a mentally ill person sounds like. So it doesn’t surprise me that my ex is following her lead.

In her piece, she instructs the young and naive to ask 8 questions to figure out if they are indeed dating a jerk. If you’ve been keeping up with my stories about my BPDex, I know the irony of this is not lost on you. Because nowhere in this article does she talk about personality disorders or the fear of intimacy. Instead, she advises people to ask shallow questions to figure out if you have things in common. 

Guess what? If your date has BPD, you don’t want to have anything in common with her. You don’t want her to be attracted to you, because that means you are giving off the scent of a codependent. The only questions, you should be asking her, are questions that determine whether or not she has such a disorder.

I found this article to be enlightening because it’s more evidence that my ex has no idea how screwed up she is. Even worse, she actually thinks she is an expert on relationships. It has never occurred to her that her relationships failed because she was the jerk.

Tila Tequila Is Back

December 1, 2016

Speaking of trainwrecks, Tila Tequila was back in the news. She managed to create yet another media stir… As Attention Whores and Drama Queens will do. This time, we find the infamous C-lebrity posing with some White Nationalists…showing off her best Sieg Heil. Some might find it odd that a tiny Asian woman would be attending a Neo Nazi rally. But this is a woman who loves controversy and attention.

“Feminist Blogger” Stephanie Hallet once claimed Ms. Tequila was another victim of slut-shaming. She claimed her only crime was being “too sexy”. This would not be the first time Ms. Hallett has defended someone who turned out to be of questionable character. She has a talent for picking out the real winners. 

“Feminists”, like Stephanie Hallet and Sady Doyle, have always had a soft spot for trainwrecks. But even diehard feminists will not touch this latest Tila scandal. I guess they do know when to jump off the crazy train. 

It actually makes sense that Tila Tequila is hanging out with Nazis that engage in black and white thinking (pun intended). Birds of a feather flock together. Dysfunctional people support each other. Her name suggests that she has always struggled with her identity, as most borderlines do. They look for other people that engage in extremist behavior.

My BPD-ex often sought out Sady Doyle for help and joined her cause. What troubled woman would turn down the opportunity to demonize all men and cause some serious trouble? This is what these troubled women do best. They are natural born troublemakers. 

The only good thing about Tila Tequila is she doesn’t hide her crazy. You can spot her crazy from miles away. She wears it on the same sleeve that she wears her swastika. It’s the ones who keep their crazy hidden that you really have to worry about.

Nasty Woman

November 4, 2016

When those words were uttered at the debate, I instantly had a flashback of my nastiest exes. I must say I’m no fan of Trump’s rhetoric. But I can relate to the stabby feeling of being demonized by a nasty woman.

In politics, you expect your opponents to be nasty. But when you love a woman and trust her with your heart, you don’t expect her to be nasty. You definitely don’t expect her to play the victim after playing nasty. Because what kind of fucked-up monster does that?

Nasty women are not like other women. They can come off as charming and playful, at first. But as the relationship progresses, you start to see hints of who they really are. By the end of the relationship, the mask is peeled off and you see someone who you don’t even recognize. They demonize you just so they can do horrible things to you. All the wonderful things they said about you are now null and void. 

And when you confront them with all the nasty things they’ve done to you, they just grin. It’s a smug grin that feels like they are mocking you for not realizing how nasty they really are. Because in that instant, you realize that all the love and kindness was an act. That nasty grin tells you these women get a certain satisfaction from punishing men, emasculating men and torturing men. In their eyes, all men are pigs.

Nasty women indulge in grief. They write whole books and articles about it. They will blame you for that grief. But the truth is they’ve known that grief their whole miserable life. Pain is all they know. Pain is in their DNA. You better believe that they will pass that pain onto you. Pain is what makes them so very nasty.

Celebs with BPD

October 30, 2016

http://www.medhealthdaily.com/celebrities-with-borderline-personality-disorder/    I thought it was appropriate to show the other side of famous trainwrecks. Behind the glamour, things can get very ugly… Especially after a romantic relationship. 

It’s even more fascinating that it is so well-hidden,  despite the very public lives these people lead. It tells us how good these people are at hiding their condition. 

Each one of these women was a performer/public figure in some way. It was clear they were all fighting demons. A couple of them are guilty of demonizing the ones who loved them the most. Many had troubled relationships with their fathers. 

You’ve heard all of this before, but it’s important that we familiarize ourselves with these patterns. They are all connected in some way. 

Trainwreck

October 6, 2016

Sady Doyle has written her first book… And it is appropriately titled Trainwreck. The first rule of writing- write what you know. Nobody knows more about being a trainwreck than Sady Doyle. 

When my BPDex was desperate to shut this blog down, she enlisted the help of Sady and her Crazy Train (aka Tiger Beatdown). The Crazy Train hit this blog with all of its might and I sent hundreds into my trash bin. They attacked my character and my blog, because vampires can’t stand their own reflection. Their natural instinct is to smash the mirror that is held before them. 

Needless to say, this blog still stands. The TRUTH and FACTS can not easily be silenced. It was just another case of Hit and Run. But cowards run off to cause trouble elsewhere.  Sady could not silence the truth, so she chose to re-write it.

This is not a review of said book. I have no intention of reading the rantings of a Troubled Mind. I am even reluctant to give her a free plug (btw-you’re welcome). But I thought it was important to acknowledge its existence. It is important to reveal what the book represents and what it (as a piece of propaganda) is attempting to achieve.

So why bother talking about a book that is likely filled with the delusional ramblings of a mad hatter? It should be a matter of concern because Sady has the ear of many impressionable, young and unstable minds. It was Sady that taught my BPDex how to use feminism as a shield and a sword against those who might point out her mental illness. It should be a concern because this book is attempting to change the narrative- portraying destructive women as feminist martyrs.

I suspect that Trainwreck is not a tell-all book that details the ugly side of personality disorders. Most likely it is a glorification of mental illness, as she has chosen to feature the likes of Britney Spears, Whitney Houston and Amy Winehouse. Narcissists, like Sady, suffer from delusions of grandeur… These delusions are supported by fanciful suggestions that they are somehow members of this elite group of trainwrecks.

Sady has a personal interest in this game. She came clean, not long ago, when she wrote an article about her struggle with BiPolar Disorder:

The week after my 30th birthday, my best friend had me committed to a psych ward. Two days later, I had emerged with a life-changing diagnosis. The hard part hadn’t even started yet.

I deserved to be committed. I needed it. For a long time, I had been in a dark, painful mood, a mood that had steadily transitioned into my personality. When I felt anger, I felt it so intensely that it took over my whole body. I would go to the grocery store with a carefully composed list, walk through the aisles fuming, and then leave so furious that I completely forgot to buy any food. The anger—which could have been over anything from a fight with a friend to a political issue—often lasted for weeks. Also, I was tired—always, always bone-tired. I was so exhausted that it was a huge physical effort to sit at my desk and type, except for rare weeks of nonstop energy in which I came up with an idea, worked to make it happen, watched it happen, and then treated it like a toy I’d gotten bored with after several days. I could always get my paying work done, but anything outside of that was subject to my ever-fluctuating energy levels. My emotions seemed remote, flat, hard to discern, as if I were trying to see them through dirty glass. I couldn’t really feel anything, and what I could feel was bad. I pulled away from people. I was determined not to trust anyone. I was depressed, in other words, except for those strangely productive weeks and long, terrifying rushes of anger.

About a month before my birthday, this took a bizarre turn. Not only did I distrust people, I suspected many of them were only pretending to be my friends. I was convinced they were plotting against me. And I realized something: I deserved it. I was acting like a terrible monster, even if I didn’t know exactly why….

I imagine her new book is more of the same “I’m ok. You’re ok” bullshit that she has been peddling for years. She tells Troubled Women what they want to hear- that they are victims of unfair stigma and social bias. And she never let’s us forget that trainwrecks are part of the Chosen Few that includes famous celebrities and historical figures of great importance. 

You might be surprised to find out that this book has garnered many glowing reviews from respected publications like the New York Times:

Doyle reminds us that we shouldn’t be so quick to judge women in terms of degrading stereotypes or unrealistic expectations

This is not to inflate Sady’s ego. I bring this to your attention, because Sady and Troubled Company have done an excellent job of infiltrating the mainstream media. She uses her feminist connections to establish legitimacy. A Master Puppeteer knows how to pull the right strings to get the desired effect.

Troubled women, like Sady and my BPDex, often seek positions that allow them to surreptitiously sway public opinion. That’s why they are drawn to “journalism”, “activism” and other activities that smell like social justice.  But playing the victim and apologizing for Man-Haters with abusive tendencies should not be confused with social justice. There is no justice when someone abuses a loved one and then tries to cover it up with the appearance of righteousness.

Troubled Women are very good at re-writing history and portraying themselves as Victims of a Patriarchal Society. Those who hate what their fathers did to them, go on to preach the Gospel of All Men are Pigs. Sady’s book is an effort to take this to a new level.  Having read some of the reviews, I am reminded of how little the world knows about PDs, Trauma and Emotional-Abusive Women… Thanks to “feminists” like Sady Doyle. 

Knowledge is the only defense against such blatant propaganda. Authors, like Sady, can’t pull one over you if you know the FACTS. The fact is emotional abuse is a cycle.  It began when these Troubled Women were traumatized at a young age and it is passed onto their loved ones. The Crazy Train stops for no one. Authors, like Sady Doyle and Stephanie Hallett, have a bad habit of making fictional tales sound like the Truth.

Once again, I have not read the book. But I challenge one of her rabid followers (or her mom) to tell me I’m wrong. I challenge Sady Doyle to defend her brand of revisionist history. The Truth is these trainwrecks are not feminists. They are not unfairly persecuted. They are manipulative and possibly delusional Man Haters. 

This book represents a desperate attempt to gain acceptance…  To seek the love their fathers never gave them. But instead of admitting they are emotionally-troubled, they insist on continuing with this charade. Instead of encouraging fellow Man Haters to seek professional help, they encourage them to lash out at people who speak too truthfully.

The Trainwreck Metaphor is an interesting one, because a trainwreck doesn’t just wreck itself.  It destroys the life of other people… Anyone that makes the grave error of taking a ride on the Crazy Train.

Becoming Closed-Minded

October 2, 2016

I use to pride myself on being open-minded, but that has left me vulnerable to disturbed individuals and assholes. 

Maybe it’s my imagination coupled with my bad experiences, but it seems the world is becoming a stranger place. Just look at what’s going on- So much drama and chaos. Abnormal has become the new normal. 

I use to surround myself with all sorts of colorful people. It didn’t matter if they were militant feminists or eccentric Burning Man types. I use to party with people who drank heavily and did drugs. But now I see these people and I see nothing but dysfunction. I judge harshly. That is my only defense. 

I see crazy people masquerading as high-functioning human beings. But they’re not. They’re damaged souls pulling unsuspecting victims into their vortex. 

I see a woman with green hair and I see a woman who is emotionally damaged. I see a guy with tattoos everywhere and I wonder what he is covering up. I see narcissistic politicians and I wonder what they’re hiding.  

Am I going crazy or is the world getting crazier? Have I become obsessed with disorders? I just don’t know anymore. I am starting to see value in living a quiet and boring life. 

Unsuspecting

September 4, 2016

My BPDex is at it again. She found another sucker… Another unsuspecting victim who has no clue what he’s in for. Do you think she was kind enough to tell him about her history of mental illness? Or her backstabbing ways? Or is it more likely that she has gone out of her way to hide her dark side?

There will be no disclaimer… No full disclosure, because women, like my BPDex and my ACOAex, are very good at hiding their disease. They rely on deceit to lure the unsuspecting. They have fooled themselves to believe that every relationship failed because it was someone else’s fault. It’s never them or their long family history of dysfunction.

You should know that my BPDex tried very hard to shut down this blog. She and her army of troubled souls feared that the TRUTH would get out. Man Haters come from families where they keep secrets… Deep, dark secrets. This blog was the only way I knew how to fight a compulsive liar and master manipulator.

Man Haters hate being alone. Ironically, they must always have the attention of men.They lure the unsuspecting… Not out of love. Out of fear of being alone. In this endeavor, they are willing to ignore the elephant in the room and pretend to be someone that they are not. 

The unsuspecting will be kept in the dark in hopes that they will ignore the obvious signs of mental illness. My exes are counting on it. I’m willing to bet good money that my BPDex found someone with codependent tendencies… Someone she could easily manipulate.

Thanks to this blog, my exes can not claim ignorance. I have made their secrets public knowledge for a reason. They know the harm that they’ve caused. But they have conveniently compartmentalized their guilt and transferred the blame to me. My BPDex ran away to “start fresh”, because she knew she had damaged the relationship beyond repair. But starting fresh means luring another sucker. On to the next one.

I warned her last ex, but he wouldn’t listen. She had convinced him that I was the crazy one. He didn’t want to believe that she only married him so she could gain citizenship. He had to learn the hard way. Will the third marriage be the charm? Will the new guy be dumb enough to marry her?

It’s hard to wish her well, when she ruins lives without care and then acts like nothing happened… When she constantly acts like she is the victim. I’m beginning to think my BPDex has no heart… No conscience. I feel sorry for the new guy. He has no idea what he signed up for. 

I rarely use this blog to talk about politics. But one can not watch the media circus surrounding a certain GOP candidate and not notice the redflags of NPD. The narcissist isn’t that much different than a borderline. Comorbidity between the two is not rare. Dig into the narcissist’s past and you will find childhood wounds and plenty of chaos. A quick Google will reveal that this particular candidates’s brother died of alcoholism at a young age. And where you find alcoholism, you will find childhood wounds and plenty of chaos. 

You don’t need to be a psychologist to see the signs that are there for the whole world to see. And while I fear for the future of this nation, it is an opportunity to point out the dangers of untreated personality disorders. The attention whore feeds off attention, they crave it like we crave food. The narcissist can be a charismatic leader, but one that leads his followers/enablers to destruction. See Nazi Germany, Jonestown and Waco, Texas. Those born of pain are damned to spread that pain like a disease. Their rise is as quick as their fall. 
Attention whores are master manipulators. They employ melodrama to manipulate people. By manipulating popular opinion… By creating a false public image… They are able to avoid detection.

We live in a society where attention whores command a great deal of attention, thanks in large part to the rise of social media. We’ve become a global society of enablers, looking for hope in false gods. We’ve lost our way. So much so, we follow blindly. We look for outward expressions of success, but fail to see what is behind the emerald curtain.

If you point out a narcissist’s pathology, they will play the victim and claim you are delusional… Crazy. They will threaten you with lawsuits and foam at the mouth. They will unleash toxic emotions upon you, stored up since birth. They will unleash their minions upon you… Legions of crazy people doing their dirty work.