I want to thank everybody who has offered kind words of support.

This blog didn’t start out as a blog about borderline personality disorder. But at the end of my relationship with my borderline ex, I was feeling used and abused. I was in a very dark place and I needed answers. Not the answers given to me by my disordered ex, but honest answers. The answers I have found out there have confirmed my suspicions and helped me to heal considerably. So I put them here in hopes that more people can benefit from what I now know.

I’m not totally out of the darkness. I still have profound trust and anger issues, but it has helped to know there are others out there who have suffered the same abuse and betrayal.

Of course, not everybody out there is happy with this blog. Since this blog has committed itself to talking about BPD, I have received some very nasty comments. I suspect most of these hateful comments are coming from friends and family of my ex. She is very good at recruiting proxies. She is an abuser playing the victim.

Some would call these hateful comments harassment. I could have the IP addresses blocked, traced or make a big deal about nothing. But I’m not that kind of person. Such criticism comes with the territory. I’ve left the blog open to all comments, good and bad. BPs and Nons. I have posted criticisms that I thought were fair and reasonable. But I have deleted comments that are simply people lashing out/acting out.

I expected this kind of reaction. Borderlines come from chaotic and abusive backgrounds. These people have an interest in covering up the truth. But if someone tells me to shut up, it only makes me speak louder. It convinces me that we need to break the silence of borderline abuse. Abusers need to be held accountable and awareness needs to be raised.

If anyone has a right to be angry, it is the victims of BP abusers and other such silent abusers. If there is any hostility between my ex and myself, it is because she and her family have brought it to the table. I have bent over backwards to make the peace with her, but she wouldn’t have it. If a borderline’s life is filled with conflict, it’s because he/she has created it.

My ex has painted herself as the victim, despite all the evidence pointing back at her. This blog is my attempt at setting the record straight. It pains me to reveal such personal details about my relationship with my ex, but now I see it must be done. The other survivors who have reached out to me, have convinced me that my stories can help others through their ordeal.

My ex continues to go untreated and it is only a matter of time when she will become abusive again. I was not her first victim and I won’t be her last. She continues to live in denial. If you want to know why BPD has such a terrible stigma, read the stories I have provided. There are millions of other people who have shared the same experience.

If you want to know why I have dedicated my whole blog to BPD relationships, then keep on reading. Not all my relationships have ended with drama. The healthy ones ended peacefully with both parties walking away without regret, without hostility or betrayal.

Being in a relationship with a borderline is different. In most cases, you are dealing with a person traumatized by abuse. Someone whose emotional development was stunted at an early age. It is an abusive and unhealthy co-dependent relationship. It is an addiction that is hard to break. But you don’t realize you’re being abused until the fog has lifted.

The person you thought you fell in love with, turns out to be someone who is deeply troubled. It’s sort of like being visited by an alien who tries to erase all the knowledge of your relationship.

This blog is an attempt to figure out what happened. The normal rules don’t apply here, because a borderline’s behavior defies all logic. They are not of this world. The world of a BP is fascinating as it is frightening.

192 Responses to “Lovers and Haters”

  1. savorydish said

    Dear Cardigan Glasses,
    People do like my blog and my armchair analysis. The only people who don’t are angry people. Angry because they hate to hear the truth about themselves. Have a nice day!
    burn baby burn…. disco inferno…

    • susan said

      Please contact me ASAP. Its been only days since the 50th breakup with my ex borderline. I fear I have lost my sanity., I feel so lost now. I know he has this disorder. I know it and its the only thing I have to cling to to begin healing. I am so upset.

  2. Susan said

    Just stopping by (again) to show you some love and support. I love your blog – – it offers well-written truths and support for people like myself, who are healing from a relationship with someone with BPD.

    My untreated ex with BPD contacted me (an attempt to lure me back in) before the new year. No acknowledgment or apology for her last irrational “meltdown”, of course! Just more lies, denial, blaming, gaslighting, etc. – – all the textbook (and childish) tactics. By not taking responsibility for her actions, not apologizing, diminishing what we had together, and actually saying that I misperceived events (she truly is delusional), I clearly see her for who she really is: a deeply troubled person who is in denial, shockingly (and dangerously) narcissistic, who will blame everything and everyone else for her destructive and abusive behavior. (She actually said that “the universe won out against us”. ha ha. How’s that for magical thinking?)

    I know to stay far away from her, for she can’t help herself. She would only hurt me again and again, which I will not allow. I’ve come to far in my life to stoop to her level. So I’m peacefully and happily moving on with my life and meeting people who appreciate and respect me. She can stay in her small, sad, delusional world, without me.

    To people with BPD, who are in denial and lack self-awareness, the truth hurts – – and when they hear the truth or are presented with proof of the truth, (as you well know, through experience) they in turn, lash out and inflict that hurt and pain on others. It’s unfair, and at times, alarmingly vicious. For me, I find it best to stay away from people like that. Do not feed the disease. 🙂

    Yes, the world of BPD (or any untreated personality disorder) is fascinating, frightening and very, very sad. I’ve learned a lot of valuable lessons from my experience.

    I support you and appreciate you. Thanks for writing and sharing your experiences. In addition to helping me, I’m sure that your blog has helped and offered comfort to many others dealing with the aftermath of being in a BPD relationship. After experiencing such bizarre, irrational behavior, people really do need a place to find the truth and support. Keep writing!

    Best Wishes,

    • savorydish said

      Thanks again Susan.
      Your support really does mean a lot to me, especially in the face of such vicious and unscrupulous opposition. I’m inspired by your strength and glad that you’ve found people who treat you well. You deserve it. We can all learn something from your example. It’s people like you that remind me how important it is for me to keep this blog alive. Hopefully our collective stories will set the record straight. Take care of yourself.

    • Yogi said

      I understand exactly what you are saying my ex broke up with me four months ago and contacted me about three weeks ago with no apology for her impulsive exit from my life. We were talking with open communication without me wanting to get close just protect myself. Guess what I asked her if she moved back to her ex and she got angry and told me to leave her alone and that she would not contact me anymore. Mind you she is the one that contacted me. I was doing well of course missing her after a four year relationship with so many red flags that I ignored. I am really sad today becasue here she goes again shutting me out for no real reason, just one stupid question. I need to gain my strength back again.

      • savorydish said

        Hang in there, Yogi. She is playing yo-yo games. Do your best to detach and forgive yourself for moments of weakness. We are humans at the hands of emotionally troubled souls.

      • Yogi said

        Well my story sounds like yours. My ex came back into my life after her dad passed away making me feel guilty because I did not attend the funeral mind you her ex was there and she did not provide me with any of the details regarding the funeral. It was all my fault that I was not there. She came back to the area needing help because she was in the hospital,needed me to visit,be he point of contact for her. Yesterday she got out of the hospital and now she just stop communicating with me. She is talking about how she will be happy to get no with her life, like I was her hold up. I am so confused how can she just stop talking to me like I am nothing. I can’t take it anymore. She goes and comes back like everything should be okay and like nothing happened. I am I crazy to just let her back in with open arms telling her everything will be ok. I really want her to leave me alone and go on to whatever she is looking for.

  3. savorydish said

    Sometimes I wonder if all this is worth it. But then I see all the good people it attracts and then I’m reminded that I’m not the only one who needs to hear the truth. We are few and far between, but good people always are. We all deserve better.

  4. savorydish said

    Thank you for your support NF.
    I wish you the best of luck in your attempts to make your relationship work.
    I’m glad this blog has helped you.

    • savorydish said

      Thanks NF,
      I’m glad others are finding use for this blog. Although I’m very familiar with the denial that comes with BPD, I find it odd that your partner agreed to diagnosis, but did not take the next step for treatment. I suppose that is the self-destructive part of her.

  5. Sweet Relief said

    I am so happy to have found this blog. Like many of you, my relationship is over, but the residual “WTF’s” keep on coming.

    We were off and on for two years. The saddest part of it all is just how much we liked each other, and how much fun we had together. Aside from the untreated BPD/NPD we had a great thing going.

    It’s been hard to completely let go, but the more I explore his past and his disorder, the stronger I feel about myself.

    One of the most complicated things to reconcile, is the question of “how did this happen?” I was to smart for this kind of a relationship. The other thing that is hard to deal with is just how different I am now. It will be some time before I really feel like myself again. So many things that I personally enjoyed have been ruined to make room for his big ole’ need for attention.

    I could write for days. Perhaps I need to blog or begin journaling.

    Thanks for sharing this with us. It seems to be a phenomenon among the gay community. Especially those with abuse, and dysfunction in their past.

    • savorydish said

      Glad to have you, Sweet Relief.
      And you’re welcome. I encourage you to blog about your experiences. It has helped me make sense of it all, I think it will do the same for you. It is indeed a phenomenon in the gay community, especially the lesbian community. But sadly, even gay advocates are shy to talk about BPD. They would rather come out of the closet than talk about PDs. Some things are just too painful to talk about.

  6. savorydish said

    It is frustrating to hope that someone will get better. And when substance abuse is involved, that’s a sign that the person would rather self-medicate than deal with his/her disorder.

    My own ex gave me that false hope. She was never properly diagnosed for BPD. But she did agree to therapy. That ended after 3 sessions. I think she just gave up. She tried to confront her demons, but she gave into the darkside. In the end, it was easier to just sabotage our relationship and start fresh. But of course, there is no fresh start without treatment. Very frustrating.

  7. dbtmama said


    I’m Sara.

    I applaud you sharing your story. And I want to let you know that not all people with BPD deny their illness or are resistant to treatment. For those willing to do the work, there is hope. There is help.

    I was diagnosed with BDP in 2000 at the age of 26. Basically, my life was falling apart. I went to the outpatient mental health clinic affiliated with our university hospital. I was evaluated and assigned a therapist.

    I walked into the therapist’s office and explained my issues and symptoms. I said, “If I don’t get help now, I won’t survive my twenties.”

    That night I went home. I was looking up depression online and came across the term BPD. I read it and realized that it fit. At our next session, I told my therapist that I thought I had BPD (had no idea about stigma).

    She said, “Actually, I specialize in BPD which is why you were assigned to me.” Then she introduced me to DBT.

    I did DBT informally for a bit, then I began a more structured DBT program. Individual therapy, skills group, meds. It saved my life. Literally.

    It isn’t an overnight process. Unlearning maladaptive coping skills like cutting and threatening suicide because you are terrified of abandonment takes time. It takes time to build a sense of self. It takes time to be able to relax when a person doesn’t call exactly when he said. It takes time to be able to control your anger.

    Like you said, people with BPD often come from abusive chaotic backgrounds. Expecting a person who grew up in that culture to understand and use the customs, behaviors, and norms of a more “normal” culture without intervention is unrealistic.

    But all of it can happen…a person with BPD can get better if they are willing to commit and work. And work. And work.

    So…here I am in 2011. I’ve been in a relationship for nearly three years. We’ve been married since last year. We have an almost two year old son.

    I love being a mom and my overall goal as a parent is to raise a child who has a healthy attachment to his parents and feels safe enough to enjoy and explore the world as he grows up. My goal is to break the cycle. That is the crux of my blog DBT Mama.

    I still struggle with BPD. I look at it like being an addict. An alcoholic is always an alcoholic. The ones who don’t drink and work the program are in Recovery. I am in Recovery for BPD. The skills in DBT take time to master. They must always be lived out. But they can be lived.

    I am sorry about your ex. It sounds like her family is creating a barrier to getting better. I hope she goes into treatment and can improve her life, even if that means a life without you.

    One thing I would highly recommend is a DBT Family Group for you. Living with someone with BPD can make a non partner feel crazy, and often start thinking in terms of cognitive distortions themselves.

    DBT family groups can help you learn the skills to get yourself emotionally regulated, cope with stress, and create healthy boundaries for yourself.

    Even if your ex doesn’t choose to get better, you don’t have to let BPD or your ex define your life. You can create a meaningful life for yourself.

    Good Luck to you.

    • savorydish said

      Thank you Sarah,
      This blog needs more stories like yours. You are an inspiration. I know it’s not easy for BPs to accept their fate, but it sounds like you have done everything you can to make a better life for you and your family. I really do applaud that. Thank you for your compassion. I’ve been doing this long enough to know that compassion is a sign that a borderline is well on their way to recovery. I promise I won’t let my ex define my life, but for now I’m on a mission. I’ve had too many borderlines taint my life. I need to say something. If it doesn’t help her, I hope it helps someone else. It has helped me. I needed a place to vent and make sense of all this madness. And I needed to hear from people just like you. So thank you for this message. It restores my faith in people. Good luck and I wish you the best in your recovery.

      • Stacy Mims said

        My now x i believe has this…in a episode of anger left and now is with new bf…anything i can do.,,she acts almost evil toward me…

    • savorydish said

      Notice the difference between treated borderlines vs untreated.

      A treated borderline is compassionate even towards non-BPs. They acknowledge their shortcomings and misdeeds. They can even appreciate what this blog has to offer.

      An untreated borderline is so hyper-sensitive they can only think about their own pain.

    • Zee said

      Thank GOD you found DBT in your 20’s and not your 40’s. There is such a thing as a ‘Point of no return.’ Once maladaptive behaviors take root fully, there is little hope of getting rid of them.

      Yours is a good story. We need more like them.

    • env100 said

      wow! that is truly inspiring 🙂 thank you… I was beginning to give up hope, thinking I wont be able to maintain a healthy relationship or continue being a good mum as things are getting progressively worse every day. Your words have given me the encouragement I need and the faith that i can be a productive member of society and not a mental case outcast.


      I have felt so desperate of late and doctors don’t seem to understand the severity of my episodes and behavior because I manage to look fairly normal. I have been kidding myself that I can control it without any form of meds or treatment (the first doc I saw encouraged this before swiftly discharging me)… it certainly doesn’t help when family and friends think there is nothing wrong with me “your just going through a tough time is all” not sure they’d stick to that reasoning if they saw how crazy i get..

      Reading other posts earlier made me feel like it was the end of the world and that everyone else would be better of without my “fucked up ways” but now I sit here with a smile and a glimmer of hope… fanx

  8. savorydish said

    Notice how the people who are upset by this blog never have FACTS to back up their opinions. They only have their rage. This is why they resort to trolling, bullying, and baseless attacks against my character. These people are desperate to cover up the mountain of evidence provided here. Let this be some indication of how far a borderline will go to stay in denial. Attacking me or this blog does not make the truth any less truthful. Or painful.

  9. Bovver said

    Please make sure this blog keeps going. There are way too many useless sites and forums dedicated to being sensitive to the problems BPD have.

    It’s awesome to hear the “Real” story and for anyone who has been through this will relate to each detail and reinforce the notion that what they dealt with was not normal.

    • savorydish said

      Thanks for the support. Feel free to share your story.

      It’s not that I advocate a lack of sensitivity. If anything, I believe co-dependents are guilty of being overly-sensitive, putting the needs of the abusive borderline before their own well-being. I’m just tired of people saying we have to make allowances for those who have been traumatized. No we don’t. We certainly can’t allow them to get away with abuse, moving from one victim to another. Like any abuser they need to be called out.

      Victims of silent abusers have as much right to tell their stories as survivors of physical or sexual abuse. Emotional abuse is invisible to most, but that doesn’t make it any less significant. And anyone who would diminish that fact is hiding something in their past. This blog is a call to end the silence. To end the bullshit. The more people who know, the better. Spread the word. We will out these abusers together.

      If they refuse to change, then we will make sure they can not victimize another. It’s time we acknowledged the pain these people have caused. No more denial. No more hiding. The abuse ends when we say, “enough is enough.”

      • savorydish said

        There are people out there who would suggest that it’s abusive to call out a borderline abuser. This is more bullshit. More games that borderlines and their proxies play. These are people engaging in a cover-up. They are covering up the tracks of borderline abusers because the tracks lead back to them. These people are all part of the enabler support network that allows the borderline abuser to move from one victim to another without punishment or accountability.

        Some even have the audacity to call themselves advocates. But that is only a sad attempt at self-aggrandizement. There is nothing noble about co-dependency. These “advocates” would like to portray the borderline abuser as a victim. And that might have been true at one time. But when the victim crosses the line into abusive behavior, that’s where the compassion ends. The only thing we need to advocate is that these people stop abusing the good nature of others and seek treatment.

      • savorydish said

        Don’t ever allow someone to diminish/dismiss your pain. If a borderline has betrayed you or hurt you, you have every right to be angry or bitter at him/her. Don’t let anyone tell you that you need to suppress your anger. For one thing, it’s not healthy for you. Just be careful that you don’t direct the rage towards those around you. Instead, focus your outrage. Let the world know why you are so angry. Posting here has allowed me to release my anger. I encourage you to do the same. The more voices, the better. Eventually, everyone will get the message. The anger will subside when the world acknowledges borderline abuse.

  10. PJ said

    Glad to see im not alone in my anger towards bpd ex

    These posts help alot. Noone knows until they go through one of these one sided relationships. You dont see how one sided until you are out of it.

    BPD= Emotional frauds. Cruel, empty people

  11. Sinn said

    This site has been completely brilliant. These people are reptilian in that they have no real blood. I don’t know..my analysis fails me here, because we were in a LDR and was about to meet for the first time, Skyping for over a year and a half as it was the recession. I mean, she tried to disappear shortly after we expressed our love you’s…then she was completely inseperable, save one time when she took a month long trip and only spoke to me twice and the time when we broke up, where her work separated us from contact. I had the funds to meet that Christmas as it was my first time abroad, and the second separation she came back with my replacement, and with all of the pull/pull (there was no push, just digging for me to criticize her somehow, or just totally not letting me have freetime w/o being guilted). it was hard to go from being seemingly the center of her universe, to a person who could’ve even meet for the first time to say goodbye at least. We got engaged nearly 9 months in, b/c we had spent SOOO much time together, and just had so many common interests, that it just felt natural that we would be together and have enough to be interested in forever.

    The pathetic part is you go from that much closeness to nothing. I’m in no way unattractive, and neither is she, but from a r/s like this, you just look so radioactive, especially how when they split you black and go no contact, while CONTINUING TO CHEAT ON YOU…while the r/s is in limbo or whatever it was. They only want control. The whole r/s is about them gaining control in whatever way they can. So the main way that was used to control and devastate me was stealing our first and probably only meeting. We had agreed to meet…and right before, she claimed she’d been nearly kidnapped after riding with a stranger and he didn’t want to stop..and that dude reminded her or the pressure I was giving her now to meet me. We had been together for nearly 14 hours (definitely more, since after the engagement, we would wake and sleep together camming, even as I was in college)…and now she was treating me like a stranger. So I was locked into a ticket to fly to a foreign country, thinking, as agreed, that she would be the tourguide and a day before the flight, finding I was all alone. I pleaded with her to change her mind…she did and snubbed me again. I started obsessive calling as my heart was broken, and just had wanted to meet and see her for 15 mins…she called the police.

    I didn’t go to jail, just was warned she want to have anything to do with me. Embarrassed to everyone I know, because this was so real, they change everything they want in their lives on a whim and ONLY have fun with degenerates. I mean, people that she said treated her rotten when she worked for them, were slutty and everything..suddenly, she wanted to be like them…or at least irresponsible, because I was responsible and had worked hard to save to get to her. Trying to figure out what had broke us down was playing chess with a master…she would have a delusion or reassessment of history to match any logic. It was a unfeeling superrobot of hell, whose only goal was jettisoning me for her replacement. The worse thing is people that talk about not being DX’d and i just sounds like a normal break up and a bunch of diminishing excuses. I don’t want to be a victim and in the grand scheme, my problems are not close to anyone’s…but this is seriously demented behavior. It’s setting a person, who has actual feelings into a no-win situation…when you feel YOU have to spend ALL of that time with someone…and then blame that time on an obsession that is NOW unhealthy because you’ve woken up to the fact you’re in a commitment….and just turn cold on the other person and call everything an illusion…the other party will be crazed, unless they’ve been through similar or is a sociopath. I mean, we were intensely in love the week preceding the breakup…planning our meet, wedding and everything..we had a minor fight and she was gone forever.

    Sorry about all of this…just wanted to say that the truth needs to be out there…but BPD’s are so sick that they go to every site and bash victims…you can tell who they are, because the vitriol is so strong in the responses. I mean, everyone is an individual..but they’re so paranoid that they’d be found out, that they go insane trying to delegitimze people. I have had breakups…only one involved an affair and except that one, all of them had ended just with us not communicating…we just got busy..but we ALWAYS respected each other and the time spent together. It’s like someone is telling me that everything was a tedious dream into the worst nightmare you can ever have. One person can stop it..but they GET OFF on your pain. But keep doing what you’re doing.

  12. india love said

    Its a good feeling to know that im not the only person that has went through this type of abuse. I am a 31 year old lesbian and the last three woman i have dated have had all the symptoms of this illness and have left me as if i did something wrong. And i am still dealing with the pain of a fresh break up from a bpd/ narcicisst woman, who was sexually abused as a child from her stepfather where she has a permanent reminder of her rape which is her daugher who resembles this man to a perfect image of him. Im so confused and wonders why i still care for this person who has flipped my life upside down. Ive become almost obsessed with the blogs and medical info on bpd just to get by. day to day.

    • Zee said

      I know you’ve heard this before . . . but you have to find out WHY you keep getting into relationships with people like this. Once is bad luck; two or three times is a PATTERN.

      Find a good therapist. One who disdains political correrctness and is not afraid to tell the truth.

      Best of luck.

  13. whitey said

    You told me many times in the first few months that you are not what I needed. You were right.

    I mentioned once to look up BPD because I wanted you to get help for the feelings that you have that always make your life so horrible, and the person closest to you. I guess with your parents and God, that may take a back seat.

    I think part of you wants to punish others because of the dynamics of your family. You created your life, your ex partners and your parents created you. There is the line of responsibility. Every guy who has been in your orbit genuinely cared and wanted to stay. I certainly did. If the ex was able to be with you, without fearing your emotional and mental issues, he would have been and if you and your parents hadn’t used the law to run both of us out of your life, you would have had a partner and more localised parental support for your children. It’s repugnant how your parents fuelled your sick false allegations and perception that we were evil people. Two consecutive restraining orders trying to get “rid” of the guys that love you. Clearly, you were only screwing me.

    Towards the end of our relationship at the end of an intimate experience, you told me how you “played” the ex and I thought it was sad. You told me how you felt powerful telling him how good I was in so many ways. I didn’t really respond as it made me feel ill.

    You view a human being that gives up there life for you and loves you as pathetic, worth using and hurting. It breaks my heart that you are sociopathic. The contradictions about the ex were also astonishing. You told me that when you saw him at mediation or court, he told you that everything he wanted was with you. You mentioned that you wore nice clothes to piss him off. You stated many times during our relationship that he left you by text. You also said you seduced him back. Why the restraining order then? What did he do? Piss you and your parents off?

    Facts Are:
    1) I have never assaulted you.
    2) I did not leave or screw up. I was available.
    3) You alienated your son from a good Father.
    4) You listen to your parents opinions you created of me.
    5) You don’t know what a best friend is.
    6) You locked a person who loved you out of your life.
    7) You entertained guys while in a relationship with me.
    8) You hate me for reasons that are not valid.
    9) You use me to fuel anger and bitch about me like your ex.
    10) Your depression and BPD are not caused by your partner/s.

    Whatever you think of me matters little as I am not a high conflict personality. I don’t sponge of the government, get pregnant, take out restraining orders, spend years bitching to a mate or partner about people that love you, sabotage relationships, change your mind about sex constantly sometimes during the act, melt down, try to commit suicide, decide to study or apply for a job that is unrealistic, want to have a pet put down because it’s mentally ill, take a pet in when you are already too busy, alienate a little boy from his Father, ring the Child Support Agency in tears, call and tell someone you don’t want your kids and entertain or flirt with other men while in a relationship.

    How can you tell me you have no respect for me when you have no ability to treat yourself with respect in the first place? Two fingers pointing back.

    I’m really angry with your behaviour but I don’t hate you. I love you. Get some help.

  14. This is just an amazing blog. Articulate, well thought out, emotional . . . and yet without rage or anger. Well done, sir.

    For myself . . . after I broke up with my ex BPD, I felt like I couldn’t shower enough to get the stink off of me. I felt like I was covered with some slimy residue. I now know what that was all about. I had become completely ensconced in someone else’s emotional flith. It felt disgusting.

  15. K - said

    I stumbled across this because I was looking for answers. I am worried that I might have BPD but thats not the worst part, the worst part is that I might be tearing apart my little family and pushing away the love of my life.

    A little over 3 weeks ago, I was going through an emotional roller-coaster being a new young mom, and I was bumping heads with my mom a lot. I was thinking a lot about my old childhood and how she could have done things differently. Not only do I have memories of her holding me, crying, and tell me that there is no good people in the world, she was my abuser. Up until I was 16 I was afraid to sleep in the dark, so I slept with her. And when she would abuse me, I couldn’t move, or speak, I pretended to sleep.I told my best friend that I was sexually abused as a child, and she told me that it wasn’t my fault, and that I am the way I am because of what happened to me. She told me that it was wrong. I didn’t know it was wrong until I told somebody.

    When the people that are supposed to nurture you and protect you break that bond, you will have major trust issues. You will have a lot of anger and rage.

    Before I told my boyfriend about the abuse I told him that his love for me will really be put to the test. (He surpassed the hormonal pregnancy 🙂 After I told him what had happened, I opened up a resourceful webpage that shows the long term effects of child sex abuse in adults. He loved me anyway, but I felt relieved. I was relieved to know I wasn’t the problem. There is a reason why I hated myself so much, had low self esteem and battled depression.

    And when the healing began, I told him that things might get worse before they get better, but to NEVER FORGET that you and our baby is the only good things in my life, the best things in my life. But I have to do this for me, and I will understand if you leave, but I hope that you stay.

    Of course as I started to face the reality of it all, and healing began I became a nasty, angry, and depressed. We are going through moving out of my mothers home and we are both really stressed out. I told him he should just leave. And that he was crazy for sticking around. I called him all sorts of nasty names and really mistreated him. And this is where posting here comes in to play: If your BPD girlfriend/wife is anything like me, she probably feels horrible for the way shes been treating you. But it is much easier to just tell you to leave, and go away because that is what we expect. We didn’t get that unconditional love growing up.

    And yes, my boyfriend is my hero. And I am a damsel in distress and I do truly love my boyfriend. I fell for the guy who makes me laugh so hard, Understands me so well and really challenges my intellect. BPD woman are really smart, maybe not all book smart (i hate math) but we are smart enough to survive what happened to us, keep moving, and living day by day. And these are all NORMAL attractive qualities one looks for in a partner. And every girl with or without BPD wants a man who will love them for exactly who they are.

    What I am trying to say is, I don’t think it’s fair to say that we are using the past trauma as an excuse to be cruel. But it is what we know, and have always known. And I don’t think that because we depend on you, yell at you, and make you feel like shit… that it means we don’t love you. Because we do. I am head over heels. But I just cant understand why you’d love me, but this is all from the child sex abuse. There are a lot of self-hate thoughts within women with BPD. Its not about you or my boyfriend at all. But you guys are responsible for allowing us to feel so comfortable around you and for loving us so much. It does allow us to act out. And I am so sorry for the pain that Ive caused, and the mean things Ive said.

    It definitely takes a strong man with patience, kindness and a great amount of loyalty to with stand your girlfriend with BPD.

    I just hope that my boyfriend doesn’t forget the girl he fell in love with. I can’t help him remember right now, because I can hardly remember what we were like. This healing has taken up all of me. But I’m doing it for all of us, for our baby, for him. So that the future will bring true happiness.

    I don’t really know where I am going with all of this. I guess I just want to speak on behalf of the survivors, but keep in mind, I only landed here because I was worried about my boyfriend and this is effecting him.

    I stuck a note on the mirror before I fell asleep so that he’d see it when he was getting up and ready for work:

    Baby, I’m so sorry for the way I’ve been treating you, I would understand if you leave, but I hope you stay.

    Faithfully yours,

    P.s. you are amazing

    If your girlfriend is anything like me, she’d really like PINK. This is exactly what I am talking about, lyrically.

    Good luck to you guys, and remember she needs you.

    • savorydish said

      Hi K,

      Sorry, it took so long to get back to you. Work has been busy and I maintain this blog on my free time.

      I’m also terribly sorry what happened to you when you were young. Nobody should have to go through that.

      I thank you for being so candid and sympathetic to partners of survivors. It really means a lot when survivors reach out and offer insight.

      You’re very right- it is unfair to say that survivors use their past trauma as an excuse to be cruel. And I’m sorry if I gave anyone the impression that survivors are looking for excuse to be cruel. Perhaps, I need to be more clear. Because I can see how someone might misinterpret what I’m saying.

      Everyone needs to understand that this is what partners of survivors hear, every time a survivor inadvertently lashes out at us. As you noted, survivors can be cruel (very cruel) and they do often use their past trauma as an excuse.

      As far as excuses go, childhood sexual abuse is a good one. But understand that does not make cruel behavior any less cruel. It doesn’t make abusive behavior any less abusive. In the end, there is no excuse for abuse. Abuse is abuse. All abusers were victims of abuse at one time. That is the cycle of abuse. This is how abusive behavior is passed from one generation to the next.

      That being said, please don’t ever think that I am unsympathetic to your condition. I would not have ended up in multiple relationships with survivors had I not been terribly patient, compassionate and sympathetic (maybe to a fault). So if you are wondering why I have so much hate in my heart, then maybe you need to consider how many times I have had a survivor shit in my heart.

      Ultimately, they (the survivors) cut me out of their lives. Not the other way around. I was more than willing to make it work. THEY gave up. So your fear that your boyfriend will leave you is irrational. He must love you a lot for him to put up with all the things partners of survivors put up with. Honestly, we shouldn’t have to put up with it, but we do.

      Once again, I thank you for reaching out to me. I really do appreciate it when a survivor makes the effort to own up to their condition, their past and their abusive behavior. But posters like you are the exception to the rule. For every survivor that has reached out to me, a hundred more have lashed out at me for telling the truth. So thank you for confirming that truth. That makes you a better person. And allows me to believe that there is hope for you and people like you.

      Sadly, my most recent borderline ex did not have the decency to own up to her abusive behavior. Unlike you, she did not have the decency to write to me after our break up and own up to all the shitty things she did to me. In fact, she and her shitty family did all they could to cover up her abusive behavior. They didn’t even have the decency to acknowledge how much I had done for their troubled loved one. Instead, they treated me like I was the problem. But that’s what makes them assholes. And now, she has pulled yet another unsuspecting victim into her life. To say that she was not as forthcoming as you is an understatement.

      She probably does regret the way she treated me, but she hasn’t been decent enough to tell me so. Unlike you, she is in deep denial. She is living a lie in La La Land. She has added insult to injury. As you might expect, I am less sympathetic to her because of all this.

      But thanks to you, I have a better understanding of survivors. Or rather, I remember what it was like when I was more sympathetic to survivors who abuse their partners. But it does not mean I condone that abuse. Abuse is abuse. Being abused is not a proper excuse for passing on that abuse. At some point, we need to put an end to this cycle. It starts with victims getting the help they need, but it also starts with survivors recognizing the harm they pass onto loved ones.

      I wish you and your partner the best of luck. You are very lucky to have found someone who will stay by your side. There are very few of us out there. Always remember that when you find a reason to get mad at him or you feel the urge to leave him before he leaves you. You owe it to him and yourself to get better and put an end to the cycle of abuse. Best of luck, SD.

      ps I posted that Pink video before. And despite being overly dramatic, it’s a very good depiction of what partners of survivors go through. At least, psychologically and emotionally.

  16. Anna Perena said

    Thanks for this information. It’s the best site I’ve come across in its delivery of information. I have been a friend and at one time a girlfriend of a man with BPD. It’s a terrible roller coaster ride that is very hard to get off from totally. There are days and even weeks where I feel like I am totally done with this man. And somehow he has been able to get back into my life. I feel like he just wants to see if he can come back and also how much power does he still have in our relationship. He is a musician by trade and has many “followers” who think he’s the nicest, most sincere man. Only those who have been involved on a more intimate level know what sort of major headcase he really is. Very manipulative, always the “victim”. After reading some of your blog, I feel much better about just cutting him out of my life than I did before. There was always a little voice inside me that said “don’t be too cruel, give him another chance.” But there are only so many chances you can give someone who is so mean and selfish before you just need to say, YOU ARE TOXIC to me. Please leave and don’t contact me again.

    Thank you for your help!

  17. AC said

    @Whitey , wow your story with a BPD sounds familiar .. I found this blog by accident about a month ago after the last contact with an ex girlfriend who i had visited in hospital where she got admitted for depression..she was no longer my girlfriend but as everyone on here knows she could leave me one day and 2 days later she could talk about getting married , it was really bizarre .
    I met this woman Nov of 2011 and within a few days of meeting with her she had hung up on me cause she had complained about her parents and i commented that at least she had parents that would help her and put her and her kids up at their home , i could not understand what was so bad about my comment ,the next time we spoke she said something about being real sensitive and not being able to take criticism , well she did this a few more times and it got worse , i called her out on the fact that she was still entertaining other men so she got really upset and decided to go out with the very same man i accused her of talking to and texting.
    She initially said she went out dancing with a friend but 4 months later her ex husband told me she had been out on a date with him.
    we didnt talk for a few more days and when we did she told me that i was right about her talking to several men and that one had even hurt her feelings cause he didnt call on her birthday ,i was like if you feel this way about all these men why are you talking to me ? she then says she made all that up just to get a reaction from me…i know it sounded crazy..only later would i find out that it was all very true and it got worse ..fast forward a month later and i knew i could not continue talking to this woman and she put on full court press, couldnt have been nicer or sweeter.. One day we were about an hour from our home and i called her on more strange behaviour and in her phone was a message from her ex boyfriend and it was from like a week prior to that and it was sexual in context and i had been with her about a month now, well i was disgusted with her and she downed a bottle of wellbutrin which she took for depression and i ended up taking her to the hospital and of course when she got out she begged for me not to leave her that she couldnt live without me , she is 33 years old and it was something i couldnt even understand cause emotionally i thought she was like 12 , of course i did not know she was BPD but she had all the symptoms or character traits of one..so much happened in 10 months that i cant fit it all in here but ill try and break it down … About 3 months after the downing of the pills she flipped her SUV on the highway and told me she was going to kill herself , luckily she survived or i would be a basket case right now, I found out that she had sent several ex boyfriends and ex husband pictures of herself naked ,i saw her phone bill and their were 100s of calls and about 2 thousand texts to exes and random men , had met up with an ex boyfriend for dinner right after visiting with me and took her kids with her and i had a very good relationship with her 7 yr old and 12 yr old and asked them to lie and not mention it but i found out cause her 12 year old slipped up and forgot to lie, went out to several bars in middle of the night and hooked up with men , also turned her parents against me when at one time her parents actually liked me, I would find out something shady she did and her reaction was to start crying and hang up and text me that she wanted to die and then i would get a text from the mother telling me never to contact her again or she would call the police..i would get shut down literally and couldnt even as much as complain or talk it out or get an explanation…when all the red flags were their as for other men i called her out and said something to the effect of , ” hey if you want to date others just please let me know cause i wont appreciate being made out to be a fool” I ended up really spending alot of time with her 2 kids and their were great , i trully miss them , i dont have any and they were like my own , i taught her kid how to play basketball and football and he was a neat kid and on the day she broke up with me she ended up leaving me stranded were we had been for the weekend and ended up at a house of a mutual friend of her ex boyfriend and had sex with the guy , a few days later she said she wanted to die and how much she loved me and yada yada , i heard this line of bullshit like 100 times in this fake relationship and even though i knew how shady she was i didnt know why i didnt despise her..its like i felt sorry for her cause i knew she had to feel so empty to do this to someone that she knew really loved her… writing this sorta feels really shameful for i have never let anyone do any of this to me and i have never had problems with women before but this relationship left me feeling awful …my last contact with her was about 5 weeks ago where i visited her at a hospital where she got admitted for depression and the day after my visit i called her at the hospital and a nurse informed me that she was not taking my calls and i have not heard from her by email or text or nothing… i never hurt this person , cheated on her and am a very loyal and forgiving person and felt and feel almost depressed by this experience .
    After being told mot to call her i got online and was searching for bipolar disorder cause she said she was just diagnosed a few days earlier and as i did just found article on bpd and then this blog which literally saved me from going into a real funk cause it felt like i was going crazy and couldnt understand how somone could love you one minute and then tell her parents that you were evil the next and turn people against yet i knew i had done nothing but stand up for myself….
    sorry this got so long and all the grammatical errors just took alot for me to rehash all this i went through and hard to focus on the writing.

  18. Jim said

    I was with a borderline for almost 4 years, mad as heck, painted 100% black no contatc in almost 1 years

  19. LadyT said

    I have been dumped 9 times in 5 years by my ex boyfriend and each time it was in his words completely my fault. Only once did he ever take any responsibility for our difficulties and that was 3 months after breaking up with me 2 years ago. I discovered after going back to him and believing that he was sorry for how he had.
    treated me that, he hadn’t really meant what he said in his apology .
    He lied to me about the silliest of things, always had another woman’s number within days of us breaking up, never ever took responsibility for any of our problems and blamed me for every problem and bad reaction or over reaction that he had towards me. When he was happy with me I was the best person he had ever met and when I would do the unthinkable and call him on abusive behaviour, I was the worst person he had ever met. He even stooped so low as to throw personal things that I had told him in confidence at me as ammunition when I would stand up to him.

    I lived in a fog of confusion for 4 of the 5 years we were together and spent each time we broke up trying to show him that I wasn’t the horrible person that he accused me of being. He told me a year and a half ago that he finally believed that I wasn’t going to break up with him (he had said that he always got out before he thought I would in the past but now believed that I wasn’t going to do that) and 3 months later it was over again and again it was my fault. Each time he broke up with me it was like he was able to just switch off any feelings he had for me even though hours before he would be professing his undying love for me an telling me how happy he was in our relationship. The level of confusion and self doubt that I have experienced in that relationship has had a huge impact on my confidence,

    I finally had enough in July of this year and on an occasion where I was genuinely out of line ( I had words with him on the phone while his friend was with him and didn’t apologise for being wrong ) I didn’t apologise so he told me after 5 days of being on the receiving end of text messages telling me not to respond to his texts and not to contact him – that he had no choice but to break up with me because of my bad behaviour. I didn’t dispute breaking up because I couldn’t take it anymore. I do regret not apologising as by nature I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to hurt or upset other people and it also gave him a real reason to be mad at me. It was after this break up that I came across bpd because I was trying to understand what I had been involved in for the previous 5 years. I feel that although he hasn’t been diagnosed he has quite a number of the bpd traits. Discovering a name for what I have been through has been so helpful to me but it has raised soooo many questions for me about myself and why I put up with what I did. Being hung up on when I would defend myself after being accused of something in the wrong, being told not to disagree with him or he would dump me, criticising how i dressed, being told I craved outside validation. The list is endless. I know this is probably a little rambling so forgive me as I haven’t ever posted on a site before. How do you completely let go and move on once and for all?

    • savorydish said

      Welcome Lady T,

      Letting go is not easy. If you keep reading this site you will realize that this is an addiction. To break an addiction, you must work on yourself. This blog has helped me tremendously because I have been able to make sense of all the things that don’t make sense.

      Start your own blog. Do your own research. Find out what makes you tick. See your bp for who he really is and give yourself time to heal. Good luck.

  20. Anonymously Anonymous said

    Dear Sir,

    Please keep writing and sharing your work! Your work and that of other brave enough to speak about this silent epidemic of emotional hurts have helped me to heal tremendously! So thank you for that 🙂

    I have a strong reputation for being a loving, kind, and supportive friend and romantic interest. So I am very very blessed and fortunate to have the company of many great (equal) friends as well as many great (equal)romantic relationships that are my base for what “healthy” looks like in life. Though there is no “normal” per say for any of us, there are certainty conduct and choices that are more loving, respectful, and helpful than others…with that said, I had the severe situation of ending up with 3, I say again 3, very high level functioning people in my life. The first became my room mate. She was very good at hiding the extreme control issues, the paranoia, the picking fights over and over again (causing drama), and the emotional violence right up until month 3 until month 6. I felt nagged to death. Her neediness I guarantee is not known by herself. She would say the most absurd things. I’m lucky that I actually have very good boundaries and though I’m tender-hearted and loyal as my friends put it, I still know when to put down boundaries. But I found it true, that the more you are understanding the more she would increase the extremity of her next action or response just to test your loyalty and it is NEVER enough. I was scared and thought she was going to hit me. I wasn’t scared that she would beat me up but that I would possibly hit back (we are both females) but I thought “what alternate reality am I living in where two ladies hit each other?! I was like this is not me, my mother, close friends, and a therapist convinced me this is time to get out. I listened. I could go on about the things that she said and did at that time, but it basically looks like literally insane behavior. If you can conceive of a teenager bully, with the insecurity of an abused child, laced with the innocence of a beautiful heart, but with a raging mind, and brutal rage than you get the idea. This person is VERY good at fooling others with her image…until they get to know her better, and as the attachment increases so do the irrational, erratic, dangerous behaviors. This person has an amazing heart but she was just super emotionally violent. Of course when I left she said, you’re one of the 5 people in the world who know me best and I want to have that intimacy. But after she emotionally raged on me for months and I was scared I was NOT about to re-enter that relationship. This person is working on her masters…she is very high level functioning. The next person is a doctor, and was someone that I had been friends with. I just kind of thought she was off, but I tend to be high mercy so I gave her space in my life. As I like to help people feel welcomed. This little sweet southern habit of mine almost got me emotionally, physically, and spiritually killed off by these three people with borderline. I’ve had to learn around that. And it came with the lesson of this friend. She seemed off, but more socially awkward you know? but kind. She had warned me that she had a temper, but since I had never seen her do anything but curse a bit, I didn’t think much of it. Uhhh…well that all came to a screeching halt when we (had been friends for 4 years) decided to take a vacation together. I’m pretty chill but wanted time for sleep, which I stated and time alone which I stated. This person stepped into another country, and completely shifted on me. She became a different personality. Different gender. Different sexual orientation. and the calm chill person I had known. COMPLETELY GONE. This lady was throwing full blown temper tantrums. Cursing. Exploitative. Explosive. Being SUPER insecure. + SUPER controlling. SUUUUUUUPER controlling. Did I mention RAGING and controlling? I’m pretty calm and I could take it for a while but 20 days into the trip even I couldn’t take it anymore. She cursed at me and accused me of things I’ve never done. Went off on me. She seems so calm on the outside. She is nothing BUT calm. She is full of anxiety. and RAGE. and the second she feels rejected in the slightest BOOM! the bomb goes off. I was walking on egg shells all “vacation”. I got back and decided to distance myself. But then she fell ill, and I wanted to help her out with that and then slowly back away. When I tried to do that, she became a different person. She curled into a ball, cried like a 5 year old, and asked if I had ever loved her. I couldn’t believe it. I had been so generous, kind, and focused on her. I had given her sooo much in the friendship. She was so violent. One time I went to give her a hug because she had experienced something traumatic and I know she loves hugs, but she pulled back, I thought so big deal. Later she told me, “do you know why I pulled back from your hug? because I wanted to strike you”. I already knew she was super unhealthy at this point, but when someone says something like that to you. RUN. So I tried to. But see trying to be civil with a borderline can be like trying to stand in front of an avalanche and talk it into changing its force, or pace, or path. You can’t. Before it was all over this well paid professional doctor wanted to meet up with me. But I’m remembering the striking conversation. So I agree to meet at a restaurant. Nope, she wants to meet at home. I talk her into a restaurant. Would you believe she guided me from a very safe public restaurant to a dark parking lot where she asked me to go talk behind the garbage? Do I LOOK like an idiot?! I told her no. So I talked to her in a public parking area with light. and had a friend watch. This person paced and looked at me for 2 hours straight she wanted to throw me over the 20 ft concrete drop behind me. She almost charged me. When people say that a borderline can KILL you in a fit of Rage. BELIEVE THEM. This PROFESSIONAL, who loves her business, almost rammed me off of concrete wall for not staying in her home when she was ill. yep you heard me. Turns out she had affections for me that weren’t just platonic. Some will tell you that someone who struggles with BPD and is raging and is Lesbian (or has gender confusion or sexual orientation confusion) are some of the most extreme cases when experiencing the feeling of rejection which is what pulls on the raging for a BPD person. In short, I was in a HIGHLY physically dangerous position. and I NEVER would have thought that just by being around this person. and I can usually spot someone who is physically too aggressive a MILE away. That’s what I’m saying these people are that GOOD at fooling and lying to themselves and others. That person knowing that I’m hetero-sexual invited me onto that trip and when her affections where not returned retaliated for the next 2 months. I have compassion and sympathy for anyone going through sexual orientation confusion but when you know you’re friend doesn’t share your sexual preference and you are putting your needs on them, its totally un-fair. But that’s the thing BPD don’t know ANYTHING at all about healthy boundaries, or where you end and begin. Long story short right after she had paced for 2 hours and wanted to charge me and hit me and I talked her down. She wanted to be friends again. I thought “this is the craziest stuff” how does someone straight out abuse you one second and want to kill you and then want to be friends the next?! These are educated calm people we are talking about here. But she would have KILLED me if I had said even close to anything that wasn’t totally calm, cool, and collected of that I’m sure. The next person I encountered was my Non-diagnosed BPD fiance. We had been friends for 4 years, again a super high functioning BPD. I knew he had mood regulation struggles (but had only said one thing hurtful ever) up until that point. I was very quick to call him to court on his conduct but also was super gracious and merciful to him. He knew my character, my conduct, my choices, and my soul…and he knew my value as I knew my value, but when he decided to flip the black-switch and the revenge-switch…I can tell you I’ve never heard or seen anyone in my entire LIFE speak and act that EVIL. It was sooo dark. I thought I wasn’t even talking to him anymore. It felt like talking to a demon. It was like he wasn’t even there anymore. Literally, the coldest conversation I’ve ever had with anyone I had with the person that we had prayed about being and becoming each others spouses. He is sweet, educated, kind, fun, and gorgeous…and our souls melded together. But when he went off on me, I knew that was it. 4 years and in a moment I knew I had to let him walk away. I said to myself, “when anything dark and unloving tries to walk out of your life, DON”T try to stop it”. I couldn’t believe it. The person I had known all these years was telling me these unspeakably cruel things. He was accusing me of EVERYTHING that he himself had actually done. He turned his entire community of close friends and faith community against me by lying. He lied SO MUCH. I can’t stand lying. He said things to me in those fits of rage, and switching, that I will carry as scars on my soul until I enter Heaven and my King washes them away. They hurt THAT bad. and I”m no weak chickling. I know how to take a hit and keep moving….but this pain, this darkness, this ache was unlike anything I had EVER experienced before. The darkness, the rage that he treated with me, it was like I wasn’t worth the dirt that was beneath the crap stuck to his shoes. Seriously, the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with one second the stuff beneath crap the next. Just like that, in a SPLIT second. GONE. He came 3 months later, but I warn others, because I did not see this coming, you think you’ll get an apology…and he came with one but it had NOTHING to do with his conduct. He didn’t apologize for how he treated me, how much money he had cost me by me putting my career on hold so I could move to be with him, him slandering me with his friends and his faith community, him yelling at me, calling me all things evil -literally…he didn’t come back to apologize. He came back to see if we could “be friends”, “I just want things to go back to the way they used to be” but I”m not sexually attracted to you. He said that every. single. summer. for four years. and then every fall, winter, and spring he would want me. He challenged my value in that meet up. He challenged my highest calling on my life. He didn’t apologize not even for a second. I told him he WOULD apologize to every single person that he had hurt, my family, my friends, and my bridesmaid. He said that he had forgotten much of what I had brought up to him. He said, “can’t you just forget about it?, I do.”. Wow. These folks, people with BPD, really do not have a reality measure for their impact on others. Not at all. I told him he forgot what he did to others easily, NOT what he perceived they had done to him. He wanted me back, he missed me, but he was more missing the way I probably made him feel about himself since I”m a empath encourager. That was my lowest point, all of this with these 3 relationships in 9 months. I thought I was going to die. literally. and I did. Whoever I used to be, I’m not anyone. I struggles with trust, in a social capacity in a way I didn’t before. I question everyone’s motives and I think its smart to at this point. I’m listening for any gut reactions I have in my stomach with folks for my physical safety. I’m only hanging out with people who love me and respect me and treat me well, frankly all 3 BPD did too, until they switched me “black” and then there was no turning back the avalanche of black heart’ed rage and grief and torment that they unleashed on me. I could go on but you get the idea. These folks cost me my peaceful home environment, my rest, my health, my finances, my romantic heart to be utterly shattered, and my soul itself to be almost completely crushed. All three of them want back into my life again. Without every apologizing at ALL for how they treated me. Again high level functioning folks with BPD are the MOST lethal. They have much to protect (as far as reputation) and they will do ANYTHING to do so. Imagine what a wild animal would do if it felt like it was in a fight for its survival and you have an idea of what some of these BPD folks can and WILL do to you if they get the chance. I think people can heal from this…but it takes the right kind of treatment, with the right kind of therapist, and the right kind of change in attitudes, perceptions, and actions in order to enforce it. For me it came down to survival. LITERALLY. So I cut ties with every single one of them. I still pray for them all the time. I still love them. But guess what? that old commandment thing, love your neighbor AS you love yourself? Well, that’s what I did. I sought my spiritual health by seeking my relationship with My King and Savior and letting all of my anger (and there was much of it) and disappointment (and there was much of it) and the fear of being so unloved so unprotected…go onto His heart instead of mine, then I surrounded myself with awesome people (5), gave myself room from everything else so I could heal, AND committed to dating MYSELF. Finding out who I am again. Because if you know anything about having anyone BPD in your life, they can literally drain everything from you, your health, your happiness, your safety, your wellness, and they meld themselves to you so much and cause SO MUCH damage that you have to manage CONTINUOUSLY that they have taken up So much space in your life that you have to find out WHO you are again…but guess what? 🙂 It can be done. You CAN heal. It feels like you won’t EVER. but you can. and you will. I’m 9 months clean from the roommate relationship and I have a healthy normal room mate thank goodness! 🙂 I’m 6 months removed from the friend (doctor person) and feeling better by the day, and the hardest was my fiance who I loved with heart, mind, and SOUL…it’s been 6 months, we have talked 4 times, and I see how futile it is, and I’m committed though I love him with all my heart, to living truly LIVING every day of my life without him now because he has forced me to, and because I’ve seen there is no such thing as really LIVING if you have someone who is an untreated, un-medicated, un-accepting of their condition person with BDP in your life. I’m thankful to God in Heaven literally for websites like this, which help me to see that BPD is such a pervasive difficult life and soul altering condition that has MASSIVE abuse probability. These are beautiful people who struggles with this disorder. They are beautiful souls. They are WORTH the fight. However, they themselves are (next to Our Creator I believe) the most POWERFUL advocate that they have for their own healing. Without them on board for treatment, no healing, no progress, no movement, no healing is possible. I sincerely hate that anyone else has EVER had to go through this. I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone. But knowing there are others out there making it and being brave out their story and sharing it…websites just like this…have helped me to heal leaps and bounds from where I used to be. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or think…or breathe well…but with BDP, I hate to be cliche but the truth, when you find out and read about it and learn about it, really WILL set you free 🙂 It won’t make the pain go away, it won’t take away the trauma, but it will help you launch yourself in to a bright and new and beautiful day that is sure to be led by other ones 🙂 I can make it. You can make it :)))


    • Anonymous said


      Wow. When I re-read my post I can tell how broken I was as the time by how much I’m trying to self affirm my self positive aspects of my self and my character after being so heavily gas-lighted and slandered so heavily. wow. I feel like it sounds cocky when I re-read it, like not looking at myself enough. truth is I’ve examined myself so much at this point. I just want to make sure I’ve really examined myself to make sure if there ANYTHING I can do to keep this from happening again that I’ve done it. So far, no people with personality disorders in my home, work, or life for 10 months. thank goodness. I’ve never had anything happen to me that has challenged my own mental health more than this. sociopaths (outward aggressive personality disordered folks). To be honest I don’t think I fear anything the way I fear those personality types. I read that people who get traumatized for life. I think anything can be overcome with truth, treatment, hope, and a massive amount of self love. Actually that’s a part of the reason I wrote my response, to remind myself that all of this happened, one it feels like a nightmare, I mean it feels like I survived something that is out of a horror film. It still feels surreal and at times it still hurts me deeply. But I can say people can recover. I think I’ll have to force myself to trust again. (sigh) I wish it was easier. I wrote those things about myself above not trying to sound like a crazy enabler though that’s what I was doing by trying to stay too long in the “rescue” mode instead of getting the beep out of dodge if you know what I mean. I agree with you by the way, the only way out of this is by intense self-love. I was praying and The Lord told me to give all of the love, protection, support, and encouragement that I had given the BPD, NPD, and HPD people that I had come into contact with, to myself. Its one of the only things that brought me healing. I really want to encourage everyone out there, love yourself with the same intensity and more than you’ve given to others. You are beautiful, worthy, and wonderful too ❤ SD, I wanted to share something pretty amazing that I came across. You have probably heard of Dr. Marsha Linehan she just told the world, as the inventor of DBT the primary treatment for BPD that she herself was a suffer of BPD, she recovered from suicidality after being hospitalized etc. I would love for you to review her article and if you like it consider posting it as a sign for hope for people who suffer from BPD. After all none of us would be on this website if we hadn't loved, liked, or invested in some type of relationship with these deeply hurting deeply dangerous folks… if they could all get healing and believed they could heal and put the work into it (a work which only they themselves can do or be responsible for) think of how much abuse could be stopped from being given to the next generations of relationships romantically and family and friendship relationally? that would be so wonderful. Thanks again for your blog SD. Sorry for sounding so cocky/self affirming in the letter above. I was just so shattered and was trying to speak a lot of goodness and life over myself that healthy people had spoken over me many times. But I was so broken I had to remind myself. a lot. I had never doubted my worth before a BPD/NPD/HPD got a hold of me 😦 I feel ridiculous and feel like I sounded so foolish some but I just was so broken. I still struggle but I'm really healing. I really stopped my life so that I could. I'm really excited about a season for me, myself, and I has the wonderful Beyonce sings 🙂 anyway, thanks again SD. Here's the website:

    • suzieinwv said

      You have no idea how much your post has helped me. It was so powerful and do close to how I feel. My untreated BP disorder husband left me for another woman. The pain he has inflicted will be with me for a very long time. Thank you for an amazing post.

  21. Jim said

    I have read this blog and I agreee I wish i was strong enough to start a blog and actually name my BPdXGf

    • savorydish said

      Thanks, Jim. It’s not about strength. It’s about finding some relief. It’s finally having a name for this madness. It’s knowing that you are not alone and that you were not the crazy one.

      • Anonymous said

        Jim, I hear ya. The good news that I’ve found for myself and its probably different for everybody, but that just talking with others has helped so much. If you need to blog, blog on. You probably don’t need to name your ex to be free though. Its like Savorydish says its about finding some relief and having a name for the madness…and knowing you are not alone. I hope your healing is going well. Good luck with everything. Savorydish, thanks again for talking about all of this. It really is an abusive epidemic that so many people hide…its scary how much abuse is covered under BPD conduct. It’s been almost a year since all of this and I can’t believe how much healing I still have to go. It’s humbling how much damage just a few people can have on your life. But its also encouraging how much others have found healing as well. Thanks again for sharing your experiences with others Savorydish. Sincerely, Anonymous

      • savorydish said

        You’re welcome. Thanks for your support.

  22. vulnerabilityliberates said

    Hi Savory, I hope this is not too late. Please cancel the above comment I posted on your blog — I’d like to change my wordpress username first (it’s currently my full name and I don’t like that, I’m sure you understand). I’m not very good with technology. I will post a comment after I change my username. Oh dear. I’m so sorry.

  23. vulnerabilityliberates said

    Hi Savory,

    I’m Annis.

    I’m glad I found your blog — a lot of the information provided here has helped me tremendously. I applaud you for sharing your story and insight.

    I recently broke up with my BPD partner, after months of mustering up the courage to stand up for myself and fight for my happiness. At the beginning, this was hard to do because I was still figuring out what BPD was (I was the one who first thought he might have BPD until he agreed to get tested a year later and was diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar) and because he kept telling me how much effort he was putting into the relationship.

    Unfortunately, things like ‘not cheating on me’, and ‘not yelling at me as much as he’d like to’ were considered great effort, because he never went that far for his exes. His friends applauded him for his changes and that made me feel like a very lucky girl. I thought one should be measured by one’s effort and not the outcome. So I put up with the abuse that still continued despite his effort.

    The turning point for me was when I realized that there was no way I’d bring a child into a relationship like this. I come from an abusive background and I wouldn’t put another child in the same environment. I stopped enabling and started applying boundaries and doing other things they say Nons should do. I begged him to please get some help because I was at my wits’ end and my life was falling apart even more. He said he felt he wouldn’t need professional help if I weren’t annoying. He broke up with me 2 or 3 times a week and abused me verbally and emotionally for months before I finally broke up with him.

    Almost immediately he went to see a therapist, stopped doing things he used to like calling me names, belittling me, breaking up with me easily, etc. He became a very dedicated partner who did a lot of the things I asked him to do months before. But I still can’t forgive him, and more importantly, I don’t have the strength to go through with any of this anymore. Through learning about his BPD, I learned a lot about my own trauma and how codependent I am. I feel I need to fix myself before I am ready to have a healthy, adult relationship, and the same goes to him.

    Now everyone in our lives sees him as the hero who’s pulling all the stops to fight for the woman he loves in spite of his personality disorder, and I’m the heartless person who doesn’t want to forgive. I’m flabbergasted that they’re so forgiving on his behaviours (some of them really know what he’s like) and think it’s normal that someone calls names, breaks up with his partner 2-3 times a week, has bouts of rage, etc. Especially since he’s “changed” only 1.5 months ago. I am not a self-assured person and often doubt my own judgment. So when I hear comments like that (and at least 1 of them appears to be actually emotionally healthy), I start doubting myself. Am I being too hard on him? Or are they just nuts?

    Is it normal that BPs surround themselves with people who will “look the other way”? I once read that people will attract people who are emotionally at the same level and that feels true.

    It’s sad that sometimes it feels so selfish to fight for your own happiness. It seems our society rewards people who sacrifice their own happiness for others, more than they do people who are self-responsible and have a healthy sense of self.

    Sorry for the long post 🙂

    • savorydish said

      Thanks for sharing your story, Annis. And yes, dysfunctional people seek people who look the other way (aka enablers) because it allows them to continue living in denial. Acknowledgement of their disease cause BPs extreme pain.

  24. Mark said

    Great blog here! I’ve just got out of a relationship with a borderline. My advice would be if you can’t handle the constant lies, deceiving behaviour, rages and cheating then get away now. I met this woman a year ago, beautiful, intelligent, fun, confident etc. My ideal girlfriend. But little did I know that a year on I have anger & trust issues. The first 4 months were wonderful, fantastic sex, great dates and things moved on quickly. She wanted marriage and children. I couldn’t do any wrong. But then things started to happen that I couldnt quite understand. The attention I once got disappeared over night almost and then the attacks started. Physical and verble attacks on a regular basis. Would catch her out lying and then her deceiving behaviour kicked in. On her phone at strange hours. Then I suspected cheating and confronted her and then the constant lies started. In the end the lies were so ridiculous that a 5 year old could see through them. Her behaviour got worst and in the end I managed to get footage of her cheating on me. She still denied it and claimed I had made the footage up. So in a nutshell boderlines are compulsive liars who use and abuse their victims for their own gain. They claim they love you numerous times a day but if you love someone would you cheat, lie and deceive them constantly? No is the answer!! In my opinion many borderlines cannot be helped because they believe their own lies and have no empathy for other humans beings. This woman has made my life a living hell, I now have restricted access to my daughter and she even had an affair with my brother which has ruined our family harmony. Bpd is a massive mental issue and it needs to be taken more seriously. My ex girlfriend has 3 young children and some of her sexual behaviour is disgusting. She is a drug addict and even had spyware on my phone to monitor my daily routine. I hate this woman for what she has done to me and my family. I’m glad I’m away from her and feel sorry for her next victim.

  25. Bri said

    You’re an asshole. period. You have no idea what its like to have BPD and with the way you’re getting on, I have no sympathy.

    • savorydish said

      Let me guess… untreated borderline? That’s ok. I don’t expect sympathy from the likes of you. Which is why I don’t have sympathy for you. Good luck living in misery and self-pity.

  26. Cam said

    100% -exactly what I’m going through now exactly

  27. Lita Ford said

    I think you still love this woman and always will. If she was truly borderline then it might be that you have narcissistic traits or grew up with someone with borderline tendencies. I’m betting it was beautiful for three to four months as you both idealized each other and then you **both** changed.

    Does it matter whom did what? What is the point of all this other than you are really hurt?

    What did **you** do to cause the relationship to fail? Do you have a history of dating women with these traits? That’s all that’s important really if you want a successful relationship.

    My experience was that we both acted crazy and when I was up he was down and pushed me down even further. Does that matter now? NO. What matters is the future and what you can do better next time.

    I’m sorry you had a rough go, but you have to let go. This is not letting go. It’s the push-pull dynamic in your brain that might be a sign you need counseling for addiction/codependency issues.

    Good luck.

    • savorydish said

      Lita Ford,

      You assume too much and judge to quickly. I am not in love with this woman. And I question if I ever was. So let that ease your troubled mind.

      I am dating another woman at the moment. I have moved to another city and I have reconstructed my life. I maintain a blog that helps me understand what went wrong. And I share my story with those who have gone through the same experience. That is how I moved on.

      But that doesn’t mean I can’t continue to spread knowledge of BPD and the people like you who insist on keeping it a dirty little secret. This works for me. If it doesn’t work for you, then stop reading this blog.

      I am well aware of WHY I ended up with these troubled women. And if you bothered to read more than a few posts, you would see that. So please peddle your feigned concern and self-righteous “advice” elsewhere. I see right through your judgmental act and it wreaks of projection.


  28. Lita Ford said

    PS I think the use of the word ‘whore’ in your blog is abusive language toward women… or anyone.

    You say the ex and all people who disagree are angry and manipulators, attention ‘whores.’

    Yet, it’s you that is seeking attention here and you seem very angry. Read up on “inverted narcissism’ and how in this sort of relationship — we are all the reflection of the relationships we have and how we react to them.

    I’m guilty of having this sort of relationship myself and it’s painful, but you know meds, soul searching and counseling have helped.

    • savorydish said

      Lita Ford,

      The phrase “attention whore” is gender-neutral. Only someone with limited cognitive skills or a severe victim-complex would interpret that use of the word as a slight against women.

      You’re not the feminist that you pretend to be. In my experience, the only women who are offended in this hyper-sensitive manner are women who hate being women. But that’s ok. I’ll try not to judge you.

  29. Jim said

    Savory, i enjoy your blog,
    SOmetimes I think my exbpdgf is reading and responding to this blog. Does not really matter., I can tell you though she made a fake user name on BPDFAMILY and we both got kicked off.
    I do think I loved this woman with all my heart, the dynamics were different, i met her less than 1 year after my wife died and yes the honeymoon did bring me out of my moarning,
    If i had to do it all over again- I am not sure- i learned a lot and lost a lot.
    In the end the lies she had to continue to tell just overpowered anything that we could built on. It will be 2 years in June since I have seen here.
    I am curious, she changed everything about her life, phone numbers, blocked all my emails. blocked facebook.deleted her ebay account.
    Seems like after she sent the engagement ring back for the 6th time then that was it.
    Really biothers me

  30. Jim said

    She sounds like Lady T to me, she knows she needs help and the bad part is I would have stood by her through thick and thin. So DAC if you are reading this get some help like you told me you would.

  31. cjh1505 said

    I read these pages everyday to remind myself that i didnt do this.i didnt cause the choas.the things i read here read as the came directlly from me.i am so glad to know i am not alone.

  32. Elena said

    Thank you so much for this blog. Going through the hardest time in my life as my BPD husband left me once I began sticking to healthy boundaries. The irony is that he told me many times that the “only major mistake” I had made in the relationship was not holding firm to healthy boundaries when he as verbally abusive, lying, breaking promises, projecting, manipulating. HIS WORDS. So of course when I finally do, he leaves. He destroyed our small biz in the process, won’t tell me where he is living, and basically left me holding the bag in every way so he could run away…..again. He has been in therapy but bolted from our life together just as he was supposed to begin DBT therapy, couple’s counseling, and again just as I finally started standing my ground in a healthy way. My heart is so broken I can barely function some days. He has been gone two months, is suicidal and I have no idea what is going on in his new, secret life. He has not yet filed divorce and most of his stuff is still here. Each time he sets a day to come get his things, he doesn’t show up. Been down this road before, last time he was diagnosed as being manic. But I think this time he will follow through on ending everything we built up together over 9 years. When he is his “normal” self, he admits to his problems and the devastation they have caused us. But in this mode, it’s all MY fault. To the point of delusion. He will literally remember problems between us in reverse. For example, first two tries at couple’s therapy he walked out of the session. Later he claimed I was the one who walked out, not him. WHAT??? And it gets worse from there. Literal breaks from reality like that. I could go on about his mentally ill, enabling family and how he avoids friends who would call him out on what his is doing, but it’s all really a repeat of what some many have posted here. I tried everything I was “supposed” to do to “help” him according to him and different therapists. Nothing worked because the problem was never mine. I tried so hard to help, and sometimes imperfectly. Worked myself into the ground until I am now emotionally broken. So when I couldn’t take it anymore and he was suddenly faced with having to make real, lasting changes within himself, he left. Guess I’m no use to him now. Sigh….

    • Lynn said

      I never understood “the literal breaks from reality” that you mentioned. It always seemed odd to me how my ex-boyfriend did not remember history clearly about us. He also could not remember it clearly about other people. He would be upset with another female friend and somehow the offense became my offense. He would literally transfer the incident over to me thinking the incident happened with me. And anyone who ever calls him out was wrong. I would call him out and that probably added to the demise of me being a girlfriend and thrown into the friend sometimes enemy category.

      It’s tough. I realize as long as I was of a benefit to him, he kept me around. I can relate to all that you say.

  33. Lynn said

    When I was finally doing well, my ex (who is no longer on my Facebook) contacted me to say he could see a picture of me with him on a birthday album I had posted when we spent time together. It was set to “friends of friends”. He did not want any mutual friends to see it. It was extremely hurtful and meant he took the time to go look at my page. I had not seen him for months and it came out of the blue. I think he was having problems with his current girlfriend, looked me up, and took his anger out on me. It set my healing way back. I had been healing from him having dropped out of my life suddenly and moving in with another girl two weeks later. Anyway, to make matters worse…after not acknowledging him for months, I sent him a note telling him he could not come after me whenever he was angry about something in his life. He soon after call to say his lawyer girlfriend wanted to talk to me…I am assuming because of the note? I proceeded to tell him to have her call me since I saw that as my only option to these sudden attacks out of the blue. I also told him he could choose to leave me alone as I had asked in the past. Soon after, I saw him at the park with his new girlfriend but ignored them and proceeded on my way. His girlfriend then proceeded to throw her dog’s ball in my direction and she an her dog charged my way over and over. I decided to head in the other direction and pretended I didn’t notice. They then followed me, continued throwing the ball at me until I finally turned around and looked. They then proceeded to stand near me and hug and kiss where I could see them. I finally left the park. I have to say it was painful and I did not understand how my ex could hurt me in such a way. I felt like he was a child saying “I’ll show you” because I will not have anything to do with him anymore. Yet, he was the one who left me! I get the feeling he is angry with me because I ignored him after he left me. It is senseless. It is crazy that I am still suffering and being made to suffer when I am the injured party. I hate that he seems to have the happiness he wants with his new girlfriend while I suffer injury after injury.

  34. Alyssa None said

    I randomly came across this. I suffer from BPD severely. I’d love to help you understand it better and why it is we do the fucked up things we do lol. It isnt right no… but there is a reason. I’ve hurt many… I hate it… I cry about it 😦 I always admit I am wrong though sometimes its too late. Anyways if you’d like some understanding email me.
    My grammar sucks .. its late.

    Chicago area

    • savorydish said

      Hi Alyssa,
      I appreciate your honesty and thank you for your generous offer. Please feel free to comment on any of the postings as I’m sure others are eager to hear your insight as well.

    • Is there a way to email you directly?

      I am just wondering if you ever after a long period of time go from (apparently) hating an ex who you walked out on after painting them black… To missing them again?

      My ex thinks I did something I didn’t… I’ve gotten silent treatment for 4+ months now. I contacted her on Veteran’s day. Sent an email that was neutral and not with the tone of expectancy of a return. Before that, Sept 2nd was the last time I contacted her.

      I miss her a lot… Mostly the friendship aspect.

      • savorydish said

        I know how much you miss your ex, because I’ve been there before. But you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the magical formula for making it work.

        She will always think you did something you did it. Delusions and false accusations are all part of the game. Do you really need that in your life?

        You’re trying to solve a puzzle that can’t be solved. You must accept the fact that it can not work until she gets years of treatment. And even then, you must ask if it’s worth it.

  35. Ian said

    Well where do I start Im still trying to understand what has happened what went wrong and how do I move on from this. Up until a few weeks ago I had never heard of boarderline disorder although my ex was diagnosed with disassociate identity disorder. I am hurting so much after we slip up yet again 6 weeks ago however this time she has moved her new bf in after only knowing him for two weeks and now it’s all over face book how much they love each other and how wonderful they are together while I’m hurting like mad. I just want her to feel the same pain that I’m going through. Our relationship started of great she opened up to me and told me a story about how her daughters dad had taken her on holiday and was planning to kill her and bring back there daughter to live with his other secret family while on holiday she ended up in hospital and was then rapped by the doctor. I remember thinking at the time how could someone go through so much and I just wanted to protect her, love her and make her happy but some months later I found out that when she returned from Egypt within weeks of getting back to the uk she went back to spend time with a local Egyptian she had met while there. Something just didn’t add up !!!! But I never question it as I didn’t want her to think that I didn’t be leave her.
    After just a few months she tried to organise a surprise wedding for us but was talked out of it by one of my friends. Although I proberly would have gone through with it. She never got on with any of my friend and then one sat night we where out and met up with some friends and everything was ok but without any reason she attacked me in the middle of the pub and my friends and accused me of snogging another girl she then went on to find another guy and snogged him and when she new I was watching she attacked me again and punched me 15 times in the face before the police came and told her to leave (I never laid a finger on her). after this there was a number if event which finally ended with her trying to strangle me and stab me. She isolated me from friends and even made it difficult for me when I went to pick up my son accusing me of just wanting to see my ex. There is so much more that’s gone on all crazy stuff of which iv never experienced with any other partner. I no the relationship is toxic and she is now with her new victim but I still miss her !!!!

  36. Miche said

    I am completely heartbroken, cant sleep, eat or breathe. Feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. My borderline ex came on strong… he asked me to marry him, wanted me to have his children. Our parents met, he claimed he loved me so much. THere were little signs he started to be jealous and controlling, not wanting me to be friends with my friends, make insulting comments about my family when they approached him about stuff he was doing, he would get angry at the drop of a hat, I felt like I was walking on eggshells, he would constantly threaten to break up if things werent going the way he wanted them to go, anytime i would try to talk to him he would walk away or say i dont want to talk about it right now. He would use the silent treatment constantly, he would withdraw sex and affection when he was angry at me and told me i didnt deserve it. I knew things werent right but when he switched back and told me he loved me I stayed then one recent last night he breaks up with tells me the next day he doesnt want to break up which i didnt reply to because I was in such a bad state. Later on in the night I get a text since you didnt answer we are through. Just like that dropped me, I tried to talk to him and he was so cold. Saw him again this weekend tried to get through to him and again he is being so cold and indifferent. I have to go get my stuff from his place today but Im scared. I feel like a piece of garbage that was discarded. I dont get what happened. He also isn’t speaking to his parents. I feel so bad. I just want to stop feeling bad. Why are they like this? Was everything bullshit?

    • savorydish said

      Childhood trauma is why they are like that. Was it all bullshit? Probably not. But if it helps you move on then say it was bullshit. Because you deserve better. The last thing you need are sentimental memories. When the borderline has gone cold, it’s best to follow suit.

    • Kris said


      I know exactly what you’re going through. If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to personally email me….it almost sounds identical to what happened to me last April. Let me know if I can be of any help.

  37. Avi said

    Savorydish, in your research and blogging, have you ever heard a guy say that he suspected his Borderline of being a suppressed lesbian? Or is the (usually waif) Borderline’s asexuality often mistaken for suppressed lesbianism? Still, I have suspicions about my ex-Borderline that asexuality doesn’t exactly explain…

    • savorydish said

      My borderline ex was a lesbian at one time. BPD includes the notion of confused sexuality and hyper-sexuality, which may be linked to sexual abuse. Asexuality may be the result of someone who associates traumatic memories with intimacy.

  38. Avi said

    Actually I didn’t actually mean asexuality, but, rather their problems with intimacy that can mimic asexuality…ever hear of the supposedly straight BPD actually being a lesbian?

  39. Jau-Jau Jaded said

    All that any non-crazy person need do is visit a little site called psychforums and browse its BPD section, particularly its topics about NPD. It will remove any doubt that High Functioning BPDs are fully aware of what they do and that a lot of them enjoy being vile in general.

    I’ve read threads in which they cackle and laugh with each other about the F-ed up **** they’ve done or are doing to people who care about them. They’re disgusting people.

    Peep this:

    “i used to take all his tooth brush heads, including his and his adorees and rub them against the toilet, making sure to get all the nasty brown bits. he had no idea i did this. every. time. too funny, he and his idiot gfs was literally eating his own $#%^.

    i am so tempted to tell him this piece of information i held back. i haven’t spoken to him in tow months and it’s just funny i had that over him. i was such a sweet little girl who never said anything back. hahahahahaha

    Someone else reples:

    “Remember in that other thread just a few minutes ago when you said you’re over him and he doesn’t matter?”

    The BPD replies:

    “that’s an entirely different guy . . . geeze i’ve had more than one guy in my life. that was my first douchebag bf, there’s been more than a few since.

    if i meet someone else it’ll be completely forgotten most likely, if that person is better and offers more, which isn’t hard to do. trauma bonds are hard to break. the hatred will fade into indifference. it’s getting there”

    That’s the kind of person a BPD is. And they obsess over sociopaths and narcissists, etc.

    Stay away.

    • savorydish said

      I still remember the grin my ex had on her face when she finally confessed to being full-blown crazy. It was kind of scary. It was so obvious that she was getting some sick pleasure out of this.

      • Wizard said

        Yes indeed. It’s that ‘You should have known I was crazy, you sucker!!’ look. I got that too. It’s like someone who purposely smacks you on the hand with a hammer, and then blames YOU for putting your hand there. I have NOTHING but hatred and scorn for anyone who does that. It’s the untreated BPD’s way of going ‘Tee Hee!’ when they’re found out.

        To add to the awfulness of it, untreated BPD’s usually prey on people who are down and out for some reason. Maybe they recently got divorced. Maybe a parent just died. Maybe they’re just depressed for whatever reason. People in this state – and ESPECIALLY people with codependency issues – are already troubled enough. That’s what makes it so crappy.

        Untreated BPD’s usually don’t even care if they knowingly gave you an STD; why would they care about your feelings?

        The old rule applies: ONCE, and it’s shame on you. Twice, and it’s shame on ME. If I ever hook up with a severely personality-disordered person again, it’s MY FAULT. All of it. I have no one to blame but myself.

        Meanwhile, I cut the ex Borderline out of my life FOREVER. I could see her dying in the street, and I’d step right over her. Empathy is a wasted emotion on those who cannot feel empathy for others.

        And the whole ‘But I don’t mean to be that way’ routine is BS. I don’t care how anyone MEANS to be: all I care about is how they ARE. Intentions and $2.50 will get me on the subway. RESULTS are what matter in my world.

      • savorydish said

        To me that look has to do with man-hating issues. That is a sign that the BP has been abused by a man in her family.

  40. Wizard said

    Good point, Savory. Very good point. Didn’t think of that.

    • savorydish said

      They are using you as a surrogate punching bag. Instead of punching the asshole who molested them when they were three they punch every guy who makes the mistake of loving them.

  41. margo Shackelford said

    ‘Erase knowledge of your Relationship ever happened’… that’s exactly how I feel. we were just the right together… surgeries, family issues. It appears they go for who they know they can easily get, bc of their insecurities…. even people they’ve said they would have nothing to do with bc “they’re crazy & have too much baggage.” Now he’s engaged to it, very quickly, I hear. I think they feel they’ve rescued each other.
    I don’t think these people know what loyalty is, except when they’re not getting it.

    • savorydish said

      Birds of a feather flock together. Damaged souls always run back to the world that is familiar to them. It’s like trying to pull apart super magnets. You might think that you can pull them apart, but they will quickly snap back to what is in their DNA. Dysfunctional people try to be normal, but it is not in their nature. They can not save each other, because two broken people do not make a whole. They will live in dysfunction together, repeating the cycle over and over again. Consider yourself lucky that you are free.

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        My ex girlfriend of 2 years is borderline personality disorder and bipolar. We broke up so she can go to therapy for sexual abuse. The therapist told me to take care of myself and said we can’t be together while she’s in therapy.

        Well, as of now, she has told me she never loved me. She hates me. She found a new guy who is the world to her. She says she never wants to see me again. Told me that she has no feelings for me and never loved me like I loved her.

        She blocked my number. She blocked my facebook and my Hotmail account. Right now, I feel messed up and I don’t know what to do about it all, because I still love her. I don’t think there is another guy. I think she just said that so I stop pursuing her and give up on her.

      • savorydish said

        Sorry, my friend. I feel your pain because I’ve been there too. The only answer is to move on. I don’t say this in a callous way. I know it is easier said than done because I have been there so many times. But this person is profoundly disturbed and you have confirmed just how damaging this kind of person can be to loved ones. Eject and never look back. It is your only hope. Good luck and be well.

  42. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    I try to let it go but its so hard to do I leave here at night thinking she’s going to call me or text me I miss her and I want her to come back to me but I’m afraid she might be with somebody else to take her mind off me if someone else is taking my place with her and I’m laying here by myself sad and not knowing what’s going on. but she’s going to extreme measures to kick me out of your life I told me she never cared about me and that there’s another guy but I think its just her way of telling me to give up by telling me she’s with somebody because she’s never been that way before to rebound with somebody

    • savorydish said

      She is telling you to give up on her because she knows how much she is hurting you. Deep down all BPs know this. Do not mistake this for love. This is a mixture of guilt and pain. This is self preservation. Not love.

      Do not torment yourself and wonder if she is with another man. I know it’s hard. But YOU have the power to escape. YOU must make that decision. Seek help if you need it.

  43. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    It’s so hard tho. I do need help and my friends and family don’t understand why im so messed up. I keep thinking about her. How do I move on? I can’t stop thinking of her. And I just want her to come to me and understand whats going on. Im sorry it’s so hard on me.

    • savorydish said

      Mitch, listen to me. BPD relationships are based on a codependent dynamic. Which means you are experiencing an addiction withdrawal. Your friends and family don’t understand because this requires the knowledge of a specialist.

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        So for me to get over this what is the best thing to do? I really dont know how to deal with it

      • savorydish said

        Read all you can about your situation. Visit forums. Attend a support group. See a therapist. Keep a journal or a blog. Whatever it takes. Excercise, eat, go out with friends. Whatever keeps you from thinking about her and who she is with.

      • jhan1969 said

        You need to get professional help, Mitch. That’s what savorydish is saying. It’s your emotional codependence that’s keeping you attached to this woman and you need to go to therapy.

        That’s the only answer. That’s the only thing that will save you. There is nothing else.

      • jhan1969 said

        Trust those of us you’ve been through it. No one else will understand, Only people like you who’ve recovered, and qualified mental health professionals. Get yourself to a qualified therapist now.

  44. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    Yeah I suppose thats right. I didn’t know how it all happened. But now she hates me and wont have nothing to do with me. But last week she came back we slepted together then the last 2 days we just hung out

    • savorydish said

      This is the yo yo game. She will play this game as long as you let her. Pushing and pulling. You can see what effect it has had on you. If you let it continue you will descend further into depression.

      You are lost and confused. I’ve been there… in the fog. To clear it, you must create space between you and her. You need distance and perspective. If you can not do this yourself, then you must seek help. It’s that simple.

      You’re hoping she will come around, but that is a fantasy you keep alive. She has BPD and BiPolar. That is one hell of a combo. Her therapist has his/her hands full. You are unqualified to help her. So save yourself. And let her heal on her own.

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        well I guess that’s right she told me that she can’t be in a relationship while she’s in therapy Ibecause she’s in there for sexual abuse and also she said having sex with me or any random people is more damaging than it is doing good though she said she wouldn’t do that so I can’t really believe her because she told me there was somebody else but I think I just pushing me away and make me give up

      • savorydish said

        It’s not that we are not sympathetic. Trust me, we are.

        But your DVR is broken. You are playing back images of her with another man over and over again. You are punishing yourself when you did nothing wrong. You’re thinking if you just ignore her illness she will take you back.

        Your comments are basically just copied and pasted. Do you see what you are doing? Break this pattern today. Stop playing the same clip over and over again.

      • wizard said

        You have to take care of yourself and go to therapy. It’s like you’re quitting heroin. BPD’s have a way of addicting you to them.

        SAVE YOURSELF. There is nothing you can do for her.

        What we’re all waiting to hear from you is, ‘You guys are right. I need to cut her off completely and go to therapy right now.’ In an ideal world, where everything was simple, that would happen. But it’s not an ideal world, and it’s not that simple.
        But you can do it. You have to rip off the Band-Aid, deal with the pain, and get yourself better so that you don’t do this AGAIN.

        Keep going to discussion forums. Keep asking questions. Find a good therapist. Read books like “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me.” It will all help.

  45. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    I need to get help. I work so much.
    im an idiot for still loving this. I hate the drama…but l loved the good times we had. She’s a monster and I keep pushing and showing up at her door and emailing her. Like im stalking her….but I dont see it that way…I just wana know why its all happening. Her relationships are lived short and after her saying those hurtful things like i hate u never loved u and I have someone else. Even after what she said about getting better and taken care of her.

    • savorydish said

      You are describing an addiction. That is the only explanation for what is happening. The first step is to stop beating yourself up. Breaking an addiction requires the belief that you are strong enough to live without her.

  46. wizard said

    And statistics show that the WIDE majority of BPD’s were childhood victims of sexual abuse. In a completely real sense, BPD’s are unrecovered trauma victims. In your relationship, what she is doing is re-enacting her traumatic experience and subsequent feelings of abandonment. She will continue to recycle through this process until she gets the proper treatment. And the probability of her getting the proper treatment is VERY LOW. The majority of borderline’s do not recover. So don’t count on it.

    Borderlines are terrified of abandonment. And yet, everything they do GUARANTEES that they will be abandoned. It is the tragic irony of their existence. The only thing you can do is make sure YOU DO NOT GO DOWN WITH HER SHIP.

    You need to keep reading and learn. You need to learn about all the techniques Borderlines use to survive. Idealization, splitting, triangulation, hoovering. Especially, you need to become familiar with how Borderlines use sex to ‘hook people in’ to relationships and self-medicate.

    I’ll describe my experience:

    My ex Borderline gf was INSANE in bed. Total porn-star. But I started to recognize something. I felt as if I WASN’T EVEN THERE. Like I was just some random person. I could have been anyone. It also felt like there was some really bad juj-ju in the room. I got the very real sense that this woman was ACTING SOMETHING OUT. Like she was re-enacting her traumatic experience to try and fix it somehow. (My therapist said that Borderlines often use sex as a ‘corrective experience.’ Look that up.)

    I’m a fairly sensitive person, so I can usually sense these things. I was also very co-dependent. And GUESS WHAT: co-dependents and Borderlines go together like hand-in-glove.

    Which brings us back again to therapy for YOU. And by now, you should have started looking them up.

    • savorydish said

      I can confirm that sexual abuse is rampant amongst borderlines. That’s what happens when you grow up in a family that lacks boundaries. Mix that with a family history of alcohol/substance abuse and you have a recipe for sexual abuse. A lot of them were victimized by their own family members, which is why they suppress memories of it. These are all problems our society likes to sweep under the rug.

  47. wizard said

    And you’re not an idiot. Right now, you’re just emotionally sick. We’ve ALL been through it. Every one of us here.

    The proper term is ENMESHED. You are ENMESHED in her illness. It has taken over you.

    I remember how heartbroken I was at the way my ex Borderline gf treated me. But as time went on, I realized something; SHE WOULD HAVE DONE IT TO ANYONE. If not me, someone else. The illness doesn’t care WHO YOU ARE. It just needs to feed. it needs to do what it has to do to survive.

    Borderlines want to love – BUT THEY CAN’T. They are 3 year olds trapped in adult bodies.

    Run, dude. Run.

    • savorydish said

      Great point, Wizard. Try not to take anything they do personally. They are damaged robots that swing at anything that gets too close. You were at the wrong place at the wrong time. The longer you stay, the more damage she will cause to you. You deserve better. Decide that today.

    • Mitch Mcmanamon said

      I just dont want her to sleep with someone else. Because in my mind and heart I still love her. And the thought of her having sex with other people kills me.

      • savorydish said

        This her power over you. She knows that. Which is why she flaunts this in front of you. Sex is power to the survivor of sexual abuse. You can not control her behavior. Love has nothing to do with this. This is an addiction. You are mistaking it for love and therefore making it harder to leave. Replace her memory with someone else. Every time she pops up in your head put your focus on something else. Find distractions and seek out compassionate people. You are bathing in pain right now. YOU must break this pattern.

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        Her dad sexual abused her and her sister at 5. She would get triggered during sex and space out. But idk why they freak out cut people out. We had to leave our home and go separate ways.

      • savorydish said

        Because when a woman is sexually abused by her own father, intimacy triggers those memories. Every time she blocks you, she is protecting herself from her father.

        When I first started posting about my borderline ex, guess who was the first one to demand that I shut down this blog?

        Yep. Her dear old dad. She has clouded memories of who sexually abused her. But any person in their right mind can see who did it.

  48. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    She knows he did it. Sometimes she said she saw me like him like my face turned into him. Its messed up. I didnt do anything. She had inner child and badself come out all the time. I wonder if she ever actually loved me at all.

  49. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    She is. Im my own worst enemy right now. I put alot of thought into it. Especially with her maybe sleeping with someone else. Just filling a void. But that hurts too. I dont want someone else taken my spot. Im sick. But I love her. Wish she would come back apologize and work with me.

    • savorydish said

      Mitch. Stop. You need to stop the broken record. Stop the fantasy. This is not love. It is codependency. Crazy people don’t work with you. They just make you crazy too. Understand?

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        Yeah I guess. But why did everything feel so good for so long?

      • savorydish said

        Why does any addiction feel good? It fills a void. You are on a drug that is designed to suck you in and suck you dry. You are chasing the dragon. Looking for that honeymoon high that you will never get again. Hammer that into your head. If you have the resources, get help ASAP.

  50. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    So she didnt love me? I was just a void? Because I asked her that.
    do they ever truly love?
    And why do they go back to most ex’s?

    • savorydish said

      She doesn’t have the ability to love. So stop taking it personally. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Sexual abuse short circuits the mind and soul making it impossible to feel what we know as love. She is in survival mode. She fakes love to draw people in and then ejects them when they finally give in. Keep reading this blog. All your answers are here.

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        She said to me and all ex’s we were soul mates. Says she wants chemistry on all levels intellectual conversation sexual chemistry and all this other stuff. Like why.I dont mean to bug u guys

      • savorydish said

        She will say anything YOU want to hear. I can tell this is what you want to hear. What was missing in your childhood that makes you want this so badly? So badly that you would ignore your own well-being. She knows exactly what bait to put out to get the desired response. This is all an illusion.

  51. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    Well she prob wont come back. I do love her tho. None of this happened threw out the whole relationship tho. Pretty much when we broke up. And we were together 2 years

    • savorydish said

      You’re not getting it, Mitch. She was faking it throughout the relationship until the point she could no longer keep up the act. Who you saw most recently is who she really is. The wonderful memories were all an illusion. You must ask yourself why you insist on keeping that memory alive. What is missing in your life that makes you so desperate to chase an illusion that was never there.

  52. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    Why did she cry and everything?

  53. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    When I confronted her about not loving me and just being a void she said no. I love u and I want to be with you she said.

  54. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    Im lost and trying to believe in everything. I know its affecting me more so then others.

    • savorydish said

      You’re not alone. Stop belittling yourself.

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        Guys im having a hard time tonight
        Im alone and feeling really hurt without my ex…..

      • savorydish said

        Mitch, you’re not alone. Many people have gone through what you have. Stay strong and keep reading this blog for insight. If you need a broken woman to feel whole then you need to consider the possibility that you need help immediately. Be ok with being alone. I go months without a relationship just to rediscover who I am. And to heal.

      • savorydish said

        You will be ok. We all came out the other side stronger and wiser. You will too.
        But you have to give yourself that possibility.

  55. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    Im not strong enough I need help. I can’t do this.

    • savorydish said

      Mitch. Call someone NOW. A friend. A family member. Anyone but your ex.

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        I want to talk to Sarah so bad but she changed her number unblock me from Facebook email everything I cant contact her like I’m crying like this is bad.I have no one to talk to me I can’t get time off of work to get help I’m literally sitting here in my living room like crying with my computer on in front of me and I don’t have anyone to help me

      • savorydish said

        Then find a BPD forum/chat room. You don’t need to call someone with BPD. You need to find someone who can relate to what you are going through.

  56. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    She blocked me from them I mean

    • savorydish said

      Better yet, put down your laptop and take a shower. Clean off the past. Put on your best clothes and go out for the night. Talk to someone, anyone. Build your confidence back up. So you know you will be ok without her. Because you will be.

    • Mitch Mcmanamon said

      Im just so lost and hurt I need someone to help me threw this im freaking out my anxiety Is threw the roof and im just break down and cry card

      • savorydish said

        Take a deep breath. Go outside and take a walk. Anxiety needs to be managed step by step. No more melodrama. Stop saying you are lost. You are giving yourself excuses to be sad. You need to learn to be strong. You can do this.

  57. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    I just called a crisis line. And they talked me down.
    im not feeling sorry for myself i don’t think. But I am hurting alot. When I wake up and go to bed its hard. I think at night shes having sex with someone. But shes in therapy and says shes not interested in anyone and dating or sex is damaging to her therapy. But then she said she was prob to stop me from trying. But I need sleep. Im trying to take my pills. They make me sick tho. Im glad theres people here that understand this stuff. Keep in mind bpd sexual abuse and bipolor all in one is def hard to take on.

  58. mitch mcmanamon said

    hey guys my ex has gone no contact and its killing me im not dealing with this well. and when I seen her walking the other night she looked really hot. but shes sleeping with someone else now. fuck this sucks, I never wanna deal with this again

  59. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    I know she wont be back. I used another fb account and copy and paste alot of bpd traits so she can read and hopefully see whats shes doing.

  60. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    I called her a borderline retarded and I told her that I cheated on her even though its not true and then I said there’s no hope for herI apologized after that do you still think she’ll try to recycle me because I really don’t want her to I said all the stuff out of anger because she’s pissing me off and she used me now she’s using somebody else for sex

  61. rachel said

    Where to begin-the story started 8.5 years ago-I was just out of a marriage that had damaged my ego badly-and I met him-we talked often and finally we went out and he pressed quickly for intimacy,which I resisted, because that isn’t me and finally after five dates, we took it to the next level-and then the games started. Out of the blue I got the “I just want to be friends call”-after telling me we would get together on xmas-he blew me off and then gave me the call. Eight days later, it was come see me and “I just can’t make up my mind”- I found out later-the making up of “the mind” was between two other women- his first ex wife and MY BOSS-not me. So he met me because he couldn’t decide between two other women-evidently I was never a contender at all. Nice. He describes himself as “crazy as hell” or “I’ll mess with you”- all with a too bad deal with it attitude. His second ex wife left him after 8 years, one child. The first one made it six months before she left him. He would come back to me with a request for “help”-his daughter is in trouble, he has lost a job-and that would be how it starts again. He is very nice-when he wants something. I have found him four jobs over the years. He is now retired but wants to work again-I am out of options-I learned to know him very well despite the lies and bs. I could walk into his house and tell when someone else had been there-once I picked out a lingerie tag from the bathroom and left it on his dresser- his response ” I have nothing to hide”- very in your face-dare you to say something-he brags and you find out there is no truth to what he said-he lies about his whereabouts-I couldn’t reach him all weekend and he will tell me on Monday morning its because he went alone to the beach and of course he “had told me he was going”-I would find out we weren’t an item any more by him saying we are the best of friends-that’s how I always knew he was with someone else- my status changes-this would come in response to me asking him when we were going to get some “time” together- calls ranged from six or more times per day to none-he would plant things around the house-feminine things and “dare me” to ask about them-he would accuse me of moving things in the house-and I hadn’t touched anything-I found out about my boss about three years into our relationship- he and I were talking one day and I mentioned something about my job and he said he had a “good friend” there-when he mentioned the name, I told him she was a good friend of mine as well and then the nervousness started. So I called her and said “we have a mutual friend”-the silence was deafening and then she asked me to tell her how I knew him before she would tell me anything-so I told her and she said “so why has he been contacting me trying to get me to go back out with him”-and the discussion ensued and we found out we both got the same flowers on Valentine’s day and we both were at the house on the same day but at different times-and yes, I did tell him to go to hell-he had the audacity to call me three weeks later- to explain he was deciding between two women at that time(when I first met him)- so he decided not to see either of them-and that’s where I entered this story-he has kept me away from his family-mind you they live on the front of his property and across the street so its not an easy thing to do- he says he “learned his lesson” about introducing girls to his family to fast-he says he is aware that he sets things up too fast-he has had three live in girlfriends-all of whom left him-every xmas he gets despondent and goes hunting other women, every July at our mutual birthday he is hateful to me-we stopped talking again this year when he retired(after I threw him a big retirement party)- he texted me two days later with the just friends speech-I didn’t speak to him for six weeks-then he called, with a major problem-so we started talking again and he started coming over again-but I was not permitted to call at night or over the weekend, only text and his texts to me were back from his phone, not his computer so I knew someone was at the house and he was playing games again and I called him out and threw him out of my house-after he told me he was dating- my statement was “then she can be your GD secretary” what the H are you doing here?- ” I thought we were putting our friendship back in place”- I have told him multiple times- we are NOT friends, I could never be friends with someone like him-he keeps asking me to do things for him-find him jobs, update his resume, list his cars, contact this one or that one and so on. I have designed his business cards. And its not sex. He wants to keep me in the “friend box” so I can do things for him, while he sleeps with and dates others! He has actually told me-when I was discussing why this arrangement would never work- ie the girlfriend wouldn’t tolerate me and I sure as hell wouldn’t tolerate her and he said” if she doesn’t tolerate you, she goes”-WTF?-this last time, he led me to believe he and the latest had broken up- he was mad as hell about it but I didn’t ask questions-then it starts again- not quite as many calls, excuses about not having the time to come over and the big clue-when I call the phone is shut off-not just rings and goes to voice mail- shut off-its a dead give away he’s with someone else-he called this week- sick as a dog, help me- so I do, bring medicine etc and he asks for gatorade and I go to the fridge to get it and a card falls off the fridge-its begins “how well I know the man I love”- and its signed by someone I work with, who knows me-and my head explodes-I felt like the twilight zone-and I got out of there as fast as I could-later that night he is parked outside my house-just watching- I have maintained no contact- I cannot come to the rescue any more-that is HER job, not mine-my boss told me he was diagnosed several years ago as bpd- he refuses the diagnosis or treatment-I looked up the s/s recently online and out of 20-he had 19 dead on-I am hurt, appalled, done,-and the real kicker-he has a habit of making sure when he does something hateful it will fall on something important to me- like throwing me over 30mins before he is supposed to be at my house on my birthday and I have cooked exactly what he asked for-I guess I never really believed there were people out there with such a lack of class and honor in dealing with other people but I have learned the hard way and now I am just trying to heal-

  62. rachel said

    want to know the really amusing part? He is paranoid-big time-very terrified that someone will get his personal information-won’t even use a debit card- cash everything-and over the years, due to his help me, help me requests- I have all of his personal information- bank account numbers, driver’s license, social security, job history, resume, everything-and for a paranoid person-I can imagine this is a very uncomfortable thought-and I can’t find him another job-he has been thrown out of the last four-lying, challenging his boss, “hunting” the family members of his clients, dating co workers-one after the other so the female hatred of him is all over the job sites-he has even been escorted off the property of one job and had a no trespass arrest on sight order against him-I had sent out 15 resumes, but his reputation is too well known-no one is calling back-I hurt a lot and I also feel very bad for the “new” person-because she is really very sweet and I liked her as a person and now she thinks “she knows the man she loves” and I am so hoping not to see her anytime soon-and when he tried to send me a computer virus yesterday, which I didn’t open-it gave me access to all the emails on his computer as the full list of contacts came up-if I was a spiteful, hateful person- he would be in deep trouble-its a small comforting thought-not much- but a small one-I could also ruin her with two phone calls-I have asked all my friends to just keep me in their thoughts and help me have the strength to take the high road and do absolutely nothing

  63. rachel said

    Today I am a bit down, but I can breathe-yesterday I felt gut punched. It’s almost like being an ex-wife suddenly-I look around my house and realize how much physical “stuff” I have in my house that belonged to him or his family-the porch chairs, the antique living room set, the corvette-vintage-which was his favorite car-the t shirt his daughter gave him, all the exercise equipment in my gym-several coats from race car drivers- it seems like the things that he “thought” he was through with, but he had feelings for went no farther then my house-I realize its a home set up to mirror the home he had-and its the things his late father had in the home(where he now lives)-he was always hateful to me and yet its like the things that meant the most to him he entrusted to me-because he knew I would not destroy them or give them away-just like having all his personal information-I am the only person he has trusted to have all of this information-not even his one remaining friend of 20 years has all of the stuff I had-its like he is two people-the rational one who has safe guarded all his stuff with me and the total psycho who keeps trying to do anything he can to make me loathe him-my friends have suggested all sorts of things I “could do” in anger against him or her-I cannot, as to do anything is beneath me-and against my honor as a person-it has nothing to do with his behavior-on one hand, I do sincerely have a lot of compassion for what a “hell” of a life they go through-but on the other hand, I cannot save the world-especially when the “world” doesn’t wish to be saved- I will go on, move on and keep going- he will repeat and repeat the same mistakes over and over again-just like a bpd-sometimes he even refers to his only child as “that piece of shit my daughter”-and its me that hurts for her- she isn’t perfect but raised by him and his ex wife, is this surprising?- He has said so many hateful things to me over the years- one of the first-“Well at least when my friends see me with you they will say at least this one has some age to her, as they are used to seeing me with young, pretty girls”- did I mention I am eight years younger than he is? I have black hair to my hips? He likes his women a size 0-2, tiny, small- I am not and I warned him about this when we first met-mind you his belly is bigger then nine months worth and I can’t even get my arms all the way around him from behind-the sword of damacles in this? This is not the first time he has realized the one he is dating and the one angry over it know each other-it would be so easy to have a chat-that is what happened when my former boss and I compared notes-he is someone who watches soap operas every day and talks at the TV!- warning the male actors “don’t do it, she’s trying to trap you”-as he has gotten older, the confusion has increased, the ability to juggle the lies has decreased and I know he is kicking himself over that card on the fridge because he is always “so careful” and this was an obvious screw up in a major way-I will “go up and down” in my moods as the day goes on- miss the person I had the illusion I thought he could be, be sorry when he screws up major again and needs “help” because I cannot fix it this time-I do realize on some basic level he suffers tremendous guilt over the things he has done, has so many major disappointments in his life over the things that didn’t work out but he has no insight, no behavior or impulse control and never has regrets until it hits him in the head and elsewhere hard that he has really screwed up-the biggest thing I have learned from being the rescue person with a bpd? You must never allow your compassion for them to be used against you-and they will-every time-as long as they think you care-they will come back to get whatever they need from you without a care for how you feel or what you need- this is what bleeds you dry and drains you- they never replace what they take

  64. rachel said

    I feel really bad for Mitch-and they do say what they think you want to hear- it’s like when he told me he was “dating”(read sleeping with the enemy) and then said “but I still think about you”- fortunately, my mind just went ” and so, this is supposed to mean something”- that’s when I threw his coat at him and told him to get the fuck out of my house and she could be his GD secretary from now on-think about it-even when they are confessing to the most unimaginable, horrible things they can say to you-they will try to throw out that bone-cause they don’t want that door to slam on them in case they need to beat a hasty retreat from their current fiasco and come back to a point of safety- don’t let it happen- it has nothing to do with how you feel or will feel-it’s all about what they need-you really don’t exist except in the concept of their reality- do you really want to exist as nothing more than someone’s pack horse or bomb shelter? I have closed many avenues just in the past five days and its not been easy-but I must make sure all the access points are covered and secure because I know him- he waits till I am no longer angry-then its a “friendly little call”- then its I need something-after he spent the last Saturday night at her place(he was at my place that morning)- he started texting, then it was the diversion tactic-as in “I need something, can you…..fill in the blank”- its divert and distract and maybe you won’t remember how horrible they just were to you and then they don’t have to acknowledge it, apologize for it or explain it- they can move on with you exactly as they want to and you try to get past it because now they are being nice-that’s how he got around me-ask me to do something because it would keep me busy and keep me from asking questions-give me a project to do, something to investigate or find out-realize you are being manipulated away from the glaring issues at hand-they are playing bait and switch and hoping you won’t realize it-its only when it was in front of my face and I had no where to go with it, that I would explode and leave-that’s what happened this time-what frightens me? He always goes back to a point of reference in his history to someone he remembers cared about him at one time-and I am talking 30 years and up-I am very freaked out by the thought that at some point in time-out of no where, he may just emerge-when I am no longer angry-and I will forget to be on my guard- right now that is my definition of hell

    • savorydish said

      That’s why you have to work on yourself. So you can be strong.

      • Rachel said

        scares me to death!- Love your site-it has helped me so much- the guy stories and the girl stories- I know you started it out as a guy with the bpd ex girlfriend, but I am glad to see everyone who has been in this boat posting. And I agree with you, bpd is not a get out of jail free card-everyone is responsible for how they treat others. I have learned when they feel remorse over losing you-its because they mourn their lack of access to you and your services-it has nothing to do with feeling any remorse over what you might have suffered/are suffering-its all about them

      • savorydish said

        Glad to have you here. Hope things get better for you.

  65. Rachel said

    Today is rough-because I am at work and now that some people know that I know, they wish to “share”-and I am finding out all kinds of things-tough to take in all at once-and I am falling into but trying not to stay in a serious mode of deep hatred for him-I am playing a scene in my head from the movie “The Hunger Games” and replaying the line from the district 2 male as he is climbing the tree to Katniss- he says ” I’m coming for you”- that’s how I feel today-and its not a good place to be in.

  66. Rob said

    Hi From Australia.

    I have been with my now ex Bi-Polar/BPD/NPD spouse since 2011 and we had been living together for just short of 2 years.

    We had a blended family with four children here full time and two others that stay on school holidays. We have no shared children. Children range from 6 to 16.

    Both of us have been married before and the reasons for our marriage failures will be mentioned further later in this post.

    Like every other post I have read, when we first met, I fell very quickly for this woman. Beautiful, great body and smile. She had me at “Hello”.

    She advised at that first meeting that she was an alcoholic and was on medication to assist in resisting the urge to drink. Further she advised that she suffered from Depression and had been medicated for some time to assist with this. She stated that she needed to stay off the alcohol for the anti depressants to work.

    To be honest, I was so captivated that she could have told me a lot worse and I still would have stayed. I am not stupid, not ugly nor naive but this woman was the best thing since sliced bread.

    About 7 months later, after courting and her former family home being sold, we moved in together.
    She continued seeing her psych and things were stable.

    For whatever reason, I noticed two triggers that would throw her into a depressive spiral, her sister and her ex-husband. Both I believed were understandable. I also noticed some aspects that were so far outside of the “Norm” that they caused concern for me. One suggestion was to sail a boat around the world. Not at a time in the future but next week!!!!

    I attended an appointment with her Psych and I stated that I believed that there was something more than just depression. He verbally abused me and nothing was done. I shut up as was ridiculed. All her anti depressants was doing was raising the baseline to a point where the highs became dangerous.

    A short time after this she started doing Body sculpting and taking legal supplements to reduce weight and increase body tone. I asked her to check these supplements with the Psych and whilst she claimed she had, it turned out that not only did she not check but she was taking twice the usual dose to increase the growth.

    Then she had an episode where she took herself off the alcohol prohibitor and drunk three bottles of white wine in two hours and when I returned home from dropping her boys to their dad I was greeted with bottles and plated being thrown because she had received a message from her sister.

    I called an ambulance and she was taken to the hospital for an assessment and blew 0.197% on a breathalyser. Legal driving limit in Australia is 0.05%. She ended up staying in the Public Hospital for 8 weeks and was heavily medicated. A number of psychotic incidents occurred in hospital.

    Whilst in hospital I discovered that she had a fling with another female whilst I was looking after the children. Planned and organized in advance.

    One of the nurses stated that the Private health system would be best for her so I took out private insurance in case there was a next time.

    Towards the end of the Public Hospital stay I was contacted by Customs regarding the import of a Steroid via the mail. A fine of $70k was applied as the quantity indicated selling rather than use. It turned out it was PrimoBolan and she had been using it at the rate of 2ml per week instead of .2ml per week. She was using the same dose that Schwarzenegger admits to using when competing. Voice got deeper, hairs on chin developed and Acne.

    What I was seeing was a combination of Roid Rage and Mental Health Episode.

    Anyway the Resident Doctors agreed that there was something more than just Depression and started her on a mood stabiliser. Whilst this was starting to work, the abuse and guilt trips were relentless. Many weeks later she was released and there was some degree of stability.

    One episode occurred after some time, again triggered by contact with her sister and ex-husband where she disappeared and was finally talked back home by police after going to a well known cliff suicide spot. No hospitalization occurred.

    Then a short time after she again had a night on the booze and drove the children to school and was pulled up by the police and blew 0.149. I was required to pick her up from the police station and I was very strong in my statements about responsibility. Definitely no violence but very strong.

    Whilst she was drinking I was performing on stage with a band. I had no Idea she was drinking.

    When I returned from picking the kids up from school, she had disappeared. I contacted the police, the found her through parralexxing her mobile phone about 250km away two days later. They took her to a public hospital and the held her over night.

    She was released subject to her being admitted to a Private Hospital which occurred two days later.

    She was diagnosed with Bipolar, BPD and Body Morphic Disorder and medicated accordingly. Further they started on courses to give her skills such as ACT, DBT, Mindfulness and a few others. Prior to departure they increased the diagnosis to include NPD and possibly HPD.

    During this time, previous times and also subsequent times, I looked after all children without help. I was exhausted.

    On discharge there was some degree of stability but the criticism of everything I say and do is relentless. Further there is one drama after another.

    Whilst the individual issues are small, even minute, the hounding that goes with them turns them int a mountain. Even when I agree, which is most times, the criticism and perusing continues. There is no rest. No time to recharge before the next one.

    I feel that whilst i advised her I would be her rock very early in the piece, that she has dumped everything on my shoulders and takes no responsibility for anything at all, including her actions and behaviors. Further then criticizes any and all actions to resolve issues.

    I have told her I am drained, am exhausted and I need to rebuild but all I get in return is comments like’ “Now you want to make this about you!!!!!”

    Family, friends and even the local pastor have said to walk or run away. I find it very hard to do as my ex wife dumped on me when I told her of Catholic Church Abuse when I was 12 so I know what its like.

    I would guess that her same behaviors caused the breakdown of her marriage together with the alcohol issues. I know I love her and have told her that but love is not the issue.

    In July this year I we met with a comment from her that absolutely floored me where she stated, “Sometimes I wished the Priest at your school had killed you”. I am a survivor of CSA in a Catholic School. I informed her that the comment hurt and was met with “Get over it”.

    I provided her with an eviction notice and she tried to Commit suicide by stabbing herself in front of the children.

    We had a couple of months of further abuse where I was called a F….C.., Jerk, Loser Uncaring, self centered and a controller.

    In September I copped it big time from her and wrote her a letter and presented it to her on on 25 September at her Doctors surgery stating I could not continue in this abusive relationship and I needed to walk away. Her doctor recommended a return to hospital as she was spiraling.

    She went missing this next weekend and had sex with a random guy then wrote a letter saying she needed to feel sexy and that he did that for her, further she apologized for being abusive to me since we met and tried everything to hoover me back in.

    She returned after the weekend and I moved into the caravan that we own.

    I held my position that our relationship was finished.

    On 4 October she tried to commit suicide by cutting Wrists, Femoral Artery and throat.

    She survived and has solicited many minnions to verbally abuse me, hassle and harass me and my family. The smear campaign has gone on through Facebook and forums. She had a BPD FB page with about 400 followers.

    I know I did what I had to do for my own survival.

    My concern is that she is calling me an abuser but I was the one who was copping it.

    The police who attended the suicide attempt stated that I need to stop her abuse cycle as she is a potential Murder Suicide waiting to happen.

    I am really finding it hard to get past the Guilt, confusion and damaged thought patterns.

    Any comments would be appreciated.


  67. naimka said

    I strongly suspect my ex boyfriend is borderline. When we met, he praised me to high heaven. He was so excited and thrilled with me. That was flattering. Two months, later, her turned cold. I got mixed signals from him. He had trust issues; constantly accusing, implying, insinuating that I was cheating when I did no such thing. He constantly needed reassurance but was never reassured. Anyway, in 6 months’ time he broke up with me twice. The last time was very hurtful. It was right before Christmas..He lied to me, stood me up then went silent on me. Out of the blue. We had just visited his family for Thanksgiving. A few months later he got in touch, asked if he could come over. He regretted his decision, made a mistake, missed me, etc. He said he broke up with me before I could break up with him. I did not understand why he said or felt that way. Since that time I have read a lot about BPD, and now I understand their fear of abandonment, yet borderlines sabotage their relationships. I had missed him and wanted to see him again. He was fun, and at one time we had a good friendship, in addition to our romantic relationship. When things were good between us they were VERY good.

    Against my better judgment, he moved in (given our unstable history, I did not think it would work). It did not work. He gave me holy hell the first weekend he moved in. I was out of town for a bowling tournament. I was busy bowling when he texted a couple of times, and called. I was not near my cell phone. I missed the text messages and call. When I called him later, he was short with me. I knew I had hell to pay. When I got home he tore into me, raging. I was apologetic. I had done nothing wrong, but I did not want to fight with him.

    One night, after work I went to a networking dinner with a women’s professional organization. I told him in advance and gave him all the details, as he has trust issues. When I got home he was asleep. The next day he gulit-tripped me, and told me he did not feel loved. He started an argument with me.

    There were other issues as well. Too many to go into on this post. I will share a few. He spoke to me disrespectfully-short, impatient, rude. When I told him I did not like the way he talked to me, I was always the one with the problem-I was angry and bitter, and it was all in my head. Always dismissive about my feelings. Harsh and cold.

    This past summer, he got mad at me and did not speak to me for a MONTH. Imagine living with someone who will not speak to you and ignores you. He would communicate by text, and that was only if he wanted something or wanted to “argue” or tell my how angry and bitter I was, and how I was the one with the problem. During this time he socialized without me. He started to get late night calls on his cell phone. I told him he was not treating me like his woman, but like a roommate who he could not stand and did not speak to. I told him to move. After that, he started speaking to me again. He’ tried to get back with me. He loved me, missed, me everything was his fault, wanted to still date me, things would be different, etc. I was having none of that. I let the relationship go, after thinking of all the reasons why I told him to move. He moved out 2 months ago.

    A month ago we started talking again. He was contacting me, but for the most part I was ignoring him. Then, we started texting. I went to visit his apartment. I was going down “that road” again with him, and I was unsure of it, considering our history. He loved an missed me so much. Everything was his fault. Things would be different. Well, the reconciliaton just lasted a few days. He yelled at me, insulted me (talked down to me) and HUNG UP the phone over something trivial. He was at my house earlier that same day, and we ere getting along fine. More verbal abuse and disrespect from him. Nothing was different. Then he went silent for a MONTH.

    Yesterday, he started calling and texting me, acting as if nothing happened, inviting me over for dinner, wanting to come to my place, asking if I wanted “company.” I told him I’d rather have respect, and how that was very insulting and disrespectful when he hung up on me. Of course, no apology from him. He did not think he disrespected me, and of course, I was “bitter.” I told him I was not bitter, I just had self-respect.

    I will not tolerate his mistreatment, I will not expose myself to his emotional abuse by getting involved with him again. I think I Iearned my lesson. There were red flags from the beginning: the hot/cold treatment, his history of multiple failed relationships/marriages, the trust issue (I have repeatedly been accused of doing things I have not done, and have even been accused of saying things I have not said), he is paranoid, and easily offended and angered. Yet, I am ALWAYS the one with the problem

    He is emotionally unstable, has anger issues, trust issues, and is MEAN. He is emotionally abusive. I deserve better. This time I will stay away from him.

  68. naimka said

    Another thing about my ex…After we met he mentioned that he had been in therapy a few times, and suffered from depression. He has medication for it but does not take the meds. I believe he is currently in therapy (some of his mail is still delivered to my house), and he has received mail from a counseling institute. If he is in therapy, I hope he stays with it, and gets the proper diagnosis and treatment.

    I recognize that I need to work on my own issues, so that I do not again find myself in a wrong relationship. While I suspect my ex is borderline, I have to own up to my part in this too. I continued to stay involved with him in spite of the red flags. I reconciled with him, on more than one occasion, against my better judgment. Perhaps I am codependent.

    Now I feel strong. I am not interested in him, and I will not get involved with him again. The third (and fourth) times around with him were not the charm!

    From my research, and the personal experiences of others I have read about on blogs such as this one, those who date and break up with borderlines can expect the same abusive treatment after they reconcile. It is best to stay away and never go back. I know this break-up-make-up pattern with my ex is emotionally unhealthy for me.

    His failure to acknowledge that hanging up on me is disrespectful treatment tells me what he thinks about how I feel. He is totally dismissive of my feelings. They do not matter.

    He is probably in touch with me again after a month because his most recent love did not work out (borderlines move on fast, and my ex has had a LOT of girlfriends, and several ex wives. He cannot be alone), or he wants something, or both.

  69. Dm said

    This sounds so familiar..the pain is so intense

  70. Alestri said

    Thanks for the blog and I relate to so much of it. I find myself wanting desperately to understand the rel. I had with someone I believe has bpd. However, she denied it it and to my knowledge has gone for a long time without treatment. One of the biggest mistakes I ever made was to get involved with this person especially given that she was involved with someone else at the time. In essence we had a polyamorous situation. I signed on for continual torment and jealousy with the other person. I left a rel. of 17 yrs to go on a long twisted right through a kind of hell. I was asking for emotional maturity and intelligence and I did jot want to see how deeply that ran until much later. For the amount of time involved we had too many push and pull arguments to count. One minute I was hailed as someone great and within the same day I was an awful human being. She would kick me out and within hours call me back. Afrer the initial 6 month period of glorified excitement, great sex and enamored by her every move and nuance the “I hate you, plesse don’t leave me was at play.Now I am caught in a vortex of loss and grief. While I know the rel. was toxic and the most painful experience of my life, I feel love for her still and miss her terribly some days. She denies feeling anything but disdain as I have over the last 2+ years mistakenly tried to contact her. One would think I should have gotten the messsge a lot sooner because she did not respond to any of my efforts to reach her. Two months ago she texted,”Please don’t contact me again.” I imagine she is with someone likely the same she was as he was a rescuer and took care of her as would a father in many regards he is nearly 20 yrs her senior. Whatever we had was awash. My feeling is that she doesn’t think of me with any kind of goodness at all. And I am sure she feels completely justified after all I was the problem and everything wrong was my doing.

    The ending was hideous and incredibly painful. She basically told me that she had met someone and was done with me. She said I had no right to know the details all I needed to know was that she was moving on and it didn’t matter why. It had only been 5 days before when she professed to love me. And that was a repeat of her behavior. we separated and came together more than anything else we shared the entire time. She had words that could cut like a knife and a detachment from any emotion like nothing I had ever seen before. In addition, she created a painful smear campaign against me where her family and friends believe I was solely to blame for everything. Nothing was ever her responsibility. Everything wrong was the result of something I did and had nothing whatsoever to do with her. Many times I pleaded with her to take responsibility for her part and that was out of the question. What is so crazy is that I want closure with a person who did not value me for my true self. I tell myself that we didn’t have a chance to know one another at our best and I regret that deeply. Currently, I cry a lot for the loss because while we should never have been together, my heart is convinced of a love we had at one point however brief on her end. I would bend any way she told me to. She was in charge and whatever she wanted I would provide. Really in many ways I was treated like a dog..come now, leave, lay down here, sit there, no treats for you because I was disobedient. In fact, her dog was treated better than me but I kept coming back for more. I lost everything that mattered to me and have nothing to show for any of it but distance and hard feelings. I am struggling with acceptance of the situation and want so desperately to know I meant something. Maybe it is her shame or guilt that keeps her from wanting contact or closure? Maybe she does care but knows of the terrible we were and does not want to be vulnerable to it happening again or maybe it’s evacuee she has her savior whoever he is? Truth is I will probably never know and hopefully soon I can begin to really let her go. It’s a long process and I have no choice but to get through it. Still, I have learned a great deal about myself because of the rel. and I know I played a part in everything that took place, and I am resolute that I won’t let anyone abuse me again and I will value myself enough refuse the kind of treatment she foisted on me.

    Maybe it was all for a good reason? Maybe she was a figment of my imagination, I saw her or wanted to see her in a particular way that she was not. I always tried to get something from her she could not provide and I am still stuck in thst cycle somewhat but it is lifting day by day. Lastly, I want to know what about me would attract and be with a person with that level of unwell-ness? Now I have endless time to work on myself and hope one day to have a healthy and truly loving relationship. Not like the las where all we really did was play out old trauma reliving the past. I pray to be free of the sadness and desire for the impossibility of closure being livable.

    Thanks so much.

  71. Lisa said

    I am glad to be adding my story here. I must first say that if you have ever had the “fortune” or misfortune of becoming involved with a BPD, even if just as a casual dating encounter and or friend, let me tell you…the best gift you walk away from them with is the understanding that you must heal yourself of WHATEVER damage was done to you that led you to ignore their red flags and dismiss their clues in the first place. I don’t care how fast or how long it may have taken you to “fall” for your loved one with BPD, no doubt if you look back with clarity, there were red flags that should never have gone ignored.
    In my case, I fell for a friend who is a great dancer. I had been told he was a Casanova Cowboy and resisted many of his attempts to get to know me. I was told to beware and I even told him I knew he had the reputation of being a heart breaker. But we all have our Achilles heel and in my case, it was that both of my parents were dying when I met him. I needed him as much of an escape as he needed me as most BPDs need you. I let his waif like demeanor lure me into compassion. We both had difficult childhoods, had southern roots, enjoyed dance and cooking, and above all, people kept telling us how “good” we looked together and how much he “liked” me. So the occasional call and text turned into hourly check ins. I was the giver of advice, the supporter of the victim who seemed to have nothing but enemies coming after him, e.g. the sister who was letting him stay with her for only $300 a month but demanding he pay rent on time instead of blowing his money at the casinos, the bosses and coworkers who had it out for him by making him do all the work, the ex girlfriends who were “unfair” in his relationships. Forget that he seemed like a closet bi-sexual, I felt that I could be there to support him and be the ear he needed.
    Fast forward to a year which is how long it finally took for both of us to cross the line. Sex with him made me feel like I was a mannequin. Losing him in the casino for hours made me feel like I was secondary to a slot machine. Then came his requests for becoming a relationship item to which I said “no” to because things just didn’t seem “right” but then guess what?…after his jealousy was mistaken for true admiration, and his push pull behaviors interpreted as fear, I began to be seduced by his vulnerabilities and even insecurities. Did I want to fix him? No, but I wanted to be there and soon, I found myself addicted to his hourly check ins. This was not love, but it was codependency.
    I began to fall for this handsome, soft male who seemed “lost” and then once my mother died, I was hooked after an incredible Christmas spent together. So why did I ignore him texting another woman while in his presence? Why did I have unprotected sex with him and then get goosebumps when he said he hoped I was pregnant. Why didn’t I run when he called the next day and ask that I pee on a stick and get an abortion if I was positive? Why didn’t I run when he started talking about other women and flirting openly with other gals under my facebook posts which he obviously knew I would see?
    What made me wake up? Going to visit him after he ran away from everything he had good in the town where we lived. I went to visit him and he left me for hours to go and gamble and then got furious when he found me in the bar with his friend hours later, having a good time and flirting with other patrons. He had since made it clear he did not want me as more than an acquaintance despite dancing around requests to become more. But when he blew up at me and had a rage over the lesbian woman who was fawning all over me, not that I am gay, I realized he was full of confusion, anger, and narcissism. After we got home, he lit into me and when he fell asleep, I packed my stuff and FLED. I RAN. And I texted him that it was time for me to put me first.
    Next month, he was already in the throes of passion with a mutual female friend. And now, I realize she is an easier target. She is spending money on him, enabling his gambling habit and has even moved out of town to live with him. Does she not realize he was living with friends for over a year without paying them any rent? Does she know like I know that he finds being cheap a challenge? I know he looks for people who will enable him, whom he can live off of like a parasite. It is sad and ridiculous.
    I pray he turns on her soon like a snake. I want her to wake up so badly. He soon comes to resent any and everyone who tries to help him. I have seen the aura around him turn dark after sex, as if he is haunted by demons from his past. But who can help him? Only God and he must allow it and be ready for change.
    The moral of the story is that even a perceptive individual can be duped by someone with BPD if the conditions are right. If they cannot empathize with you, run. If they are not equally giving, FLEE. If they need need need and cling cling cling but you matter not to them, then GO. I don’t know how these people sleep at night with a clear conscience. I don’t know how they escape having any semblance of self awareness. I don’t know how they can pretend not to know or ignore how they are destroying themselves and others. But, it is no longer my problem. Wishing all here healing, health, and strength.

  72. Jim said

    beats me but your words are tru

  73. Mark said

    My bpd ex gf was textbook bpd
    It’s scary how they all the same
    She was being treated but she still
    Lied , accusing all the time
    Angry , flirting other men, games
    Blocking / unblocking messages etc
    Child like , and the vile vile disgusting
    Words came from her rotten core was awful , found out she slept with so many men , just a whore
    Dumped her arse after 2 years cause I wasn’t having a life of all the above
    I loved her still think about her but
    I detest her she is evil
    And it’s sad
    She had new bloke in a week
    Ha but good luck to him
    Poor guy don’t know what he in for

    • savorydish said

      Every new guy is a new sucker. Poor guy definitely doesn’t have a clue. This is how they choose your replacement. They can only operate under the darkness of codependency.

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