I want to thank everybody who has offered kind words of support.
This blog didn’t start out as a blog about borderline personality disorder. But at the end of my relationship with my borderline ex, I was feeling used and abused. I was in a very dark place and I needed answers. Not the answers given to me by my disordered ex, but honest answers. The answers I have found out there have confirmed my suspicions and helped me to heal considerably. So I put them here in hopes that more people can benefit from what I now know.
I’m not totally out of the darkness. I still have profound trust and anger issues, but it has helped to know there are others out there who have suffered the same abuse and betrayal.
Of course, not everybody out there is happy with this blog. Since this blog has committed itself to talking about BPD, I have received some very nasty comments. I suspect most of these hateful comments are coming from friends and family of my ex. She is very good at recruiting proxies. She is an abuser playing the victim.
Some would call these hateful comments harassment. I could have the IP addresses blocked, traced or make a big deal about nothing. But I’m not that kind of person. Such criticism comes with the territory. I’ve left the blog open to all comments, good and bad. BPs and Nons. I have posted criticisms that I thought were fair and reasonable. But I have deleted comments that are simply people lashing out/acting out.
I expected this kind of reaction. Borderlines come from chaotic and abusive backgrounds. These people have an interest in covering up the truth. But if someone tells me to shut up, it only makes me speak louder. It convinces me that we need to break the silence of borderline abuse. Abusers need to be held accountable and awareness needs to be raised.
If anyone has a right to be angry, it is the victims of BP abusers and other such silent abusers. If there is any hostility between my ex and myself, it is because she and her family have brought it to the table. I have bent over backwards to make the peace with her, but she wouldn’t have it. If a borderline’s life is filled with conflict, it’s because he/she has created it.
My ex has painted herself as the victim, despite all the evidence pointing back at her. This blog is my attempt at setting the record straight. It pains me to reveal such personal details about my relationship with my ex, but now I see it must be done. The other survivors who have reached out to me, have convinced me that my stories can help others through their ordeal.
My ex continues to go untreated and it is only a matter of time when she will become abusive again. I was not her first victim and I won’t be her last. She continues to live in denial. If you want to know why BPD has such a terrible stigma, read the stories I have provided. There are millions of other people who have shared the same experience.
If you want to know why I have dedicated my whole blog to BPD relationships, then keep on reading. Not all my relationships have ended with drama. The healthy ones ended peacefully with both parties walking away without regret, without hostility or betrayal.
Being in a relationship with a borderline is different. In most cases, you are dealing with a person traumatized by abuse. Someone whose emotional development was stunted at an early age. It is an abusive and unhealthy co-dependent relationship. It is an addiction that is hard to break. But you don’t realize you’re being abused until the fog has lifted.
The person you thought you fell in love with, turns out to be someone who is deeply troubled. It’s sort of like being visited by an alien who tries to erase all the knowledge of your relationship.
This blog is an attempt to figure out what happened. The normal rules don’t apply here, because a borderline’s behavior defies all logic. They are not of this world. The world of a BP is fascinating as it is frightening.