Generous Spirit

November 23, 2017

What does it mean to give yourself to someone? Does it mean you give yourself to them in the honeymoon phase and then take it away when you’re feeling insecure, abandoned or rejected? If you are a damaged soul, then it is in your nature to give your love, then take it away… Quickly and without remorse. It’s ample proof that your love is shallow… An act for your audience, your family and your own delusion.

People who are stingy with their love are not loving people. They use the impression of love to manipulate and control. That is the nature of someone who has been damaged since early childhood and may be damaged for life. They are merely going through the motions to avoid deep attachments. They live in constant fear that if they were to truly love someone, that person would take it away. It is this insecurity/fear that prevents them from truly giving themselves to anyone. It is why they are constantly on the run.

 The Great Cover-Up

November 10, 2017

As more accusations of awful behavior come in, I can’t help but see the similarities between these troubled celebrity men and the troubled women in my life. It is apparent that these men hate women as much as the women, I’ve loved, hate men.

Even when it involves celebrity men, who have sexually abused young boys, I can see a pattern of mistreatment and contempt. All of this behavior is rooted in self-hatred… that is, hatred of themselves turned outward… Internal pain transferred onto innocent and unsuspecting human beings. A cycle of abuse is being perpetuated. A trail of pain is being left. Great efforts are being taken by dysfunctional people to cover up their trail, so they can move onto their next unsuspecting victim.

All my exes participated in their own cover-up and recruited others to attack my character. All of them participated in the devaluation of me and then proceeded to diminish the terrible way they treated me… Then told me to move the fuck on. All of these troubled man-haters have a pattern of using men and then tossing them away. They had no problem scoffing at this blog and its contents. They even tried to shut it down… They who run away from shame.

The cover-up is widespread. They’ve been committing these heinous acts since they were young. They were born into chaos, raised to be trouble-makers… Heart-breakers… Undercover agents of pain. Like their celebrity counterparts, they are very good at putting up a facade of fabulousness… To cover up the trail of pain they have left behind… To cover up their dysfunctional past.

Me Too

November 1, 2017

Social media is on fire… with women accusing men of sexual assault. And while I truly believe that monsters like Harvey Weinstein need to be called out, I worry that there will be collateral damage… I’ve experienced that collateral damage.

As someone who has had many relationships with sexual-assault survivors, I can tell you that the trauma is real. I can tell you that some of these survivors will develop a serious hatred of men… If they weren’t already committed to the cause. Some of these man-haters will use their traumatic experiences as an excuse to lash out at all men… Even men who had nothing to do with sexually-assaulting them. Their defenses are up and their tiger claws are out.

As someone who has spent a good number of years writing about my own traumatic experiences, I can tell you that it is very cathartic to open up about said experiences… and to also know that you’re not alone. “Me too” is a powerful message of support. I can appreciate that message. Truly. But I worry that this viral campaign could easily become an indiscriminate witch-hunt, especially when lead by traumatized women who haven’t been treated.

I’d like to point out that many of these survivors, who are now sharing their “me too” experiences, were also the same angry protesters who tried to shut this blog down. They tried to silence my voice and dismiss my pain. They did not bother to empathize with me, because they were too busy lashing out. That is unfortunate, because I would not have loved some of these women had it not been for my ability to empathize with them. Sadly, they did not feel the need to return the favor.

But I now know that some of these women have been repeatedly traumatized. I now know that indiscriminately lashing out at people is a sign of life-long trauma. I can certainly empathize with that. But as a life-long empath, I can also sense we are hitting a peak… with tensions between men and women. I can sense the presence of pain, every time I open up my newsfeed. I suspect that this tension will grow. I can tell you this because I know what it feels like to be silenced. The lid has been removed from a pot that has been boiling for decades, if not centuries. The pot is boiling over and we may not see the end of it for a while.

The Weinstein Effect

October 19, 2017

Longtime readers of this blog, know that I have a long history with women who have been sexually assaulted/abused. So much so, that I came to the conclusion that I was a magnet for traumatized women. But recent events have me believing that there are very few women who haven’t been sexually assaulted.

Weinstein, Trump, priests, football coaches… Wherever there are men with power and privilege, there are women (and men) who are being sexually assaulted. I can see why Man Haters hate men. But for every Man Hater, there is a woman who still loves men dearly.

I am very lucky to still have a few of these women as friends. When given every reason to believe that “all men are pigs”, they chose to believe otherwise. These are women who have demonstrated true strength and confidence with measured responses… As opposed to the unbridled rage and the irrational fear that I have seen so often. When unhinged lovers abandoned me, demonized me and put up their wall, these friends showed their true friendship and stood by me… A constant source of inspiration and love.

The world has become more toxic. But the silver lining is that there are strong people, who are subjected to this toxicity, and come out stronger. I have said goodbye to lots of friends and lovers. But more importantly, I have learned to appreciate the ones who stuck by me through thick and thin. It infuriates me to know that they have experienced so much pain, but I have faith they will remain a constant source of strength to those around them.

On the Run Again

October 8, 2017

My BPDex is thinking about running again… Back to her humble beginnings. The glam of LaLaLand has lost all its glitter and glow. Another failed attempt at marriage has left her too sober.

She claims visions of home came to her in a dream. This is, of course, more delusional bullshit. It has always been her pattern to run away, after destroying another relationship. She runs after she has slept with every guy in the city and wants to escape shame and personal responsibility. She runs when she has run out of people to fool.

She is a repeat runaway. It is in her nature to run away from her problems and her failed relationships.

But I’m actually hopeful that she will return home. There she can face her demons and resolve lifelong issues with her troubled family.

I also see hope in the fact that she is seeking professional help. Although a BPD specialist would have been more helpful than a dream therapist. But it’s a step in the right direction.

The bottom line is she is turning inward and she is seeking help to examine that funny head of hers. It has always been my opinion that she needs to take a break from relationships and sex to find peace. Because whether she has realized it or not, both are triggers that cause her insanity.

Hopefully, she’s running to a solution and not away from her problems.

After years of writing about man-hater issues and wedding dresses, my BPDex is finding the courage to write about her own issues, her own toxicity and her own disorder.

Is this the tell-all confessional that I’ve been waiting for? Not quite. She wrote an article about how siblings can be more supportive of someone with BPD. She even went so far as to create a fictional character for the piece that allows her to talk about this terrible disease without getting personal.

The way she describes BPD makes it sound like it’s akin to taking care of someone with the flu, including ways you can be more tolerant of their emotional excess and personality quirks. As you might expect, she avoids talking about the darker side of the disorder- the gaslighting, the acts of infidelity and the inevitable demonization of loved ones.

She does, however, acknowledge that the reason BPs lack support from loved ones is because they have a tendency to alienate said loved ones and cut them off aka stonewalling.

She then goes on to list all the ways that someone can be more supportive and accepting of her… I mean accepting of her fictional character. I wouldn’t want to make it sound like this article was self-serving or that my ex might be prone to emotionally-manipulative behavior.

What this recent article tells me about my BPDex is that she is getting more comfortable addressing her issues and that she has exhausted all her tactics for avoiding dealing with those issues. BUT she is not yet comfortable with the idea of ownership… Owning the horrible way she treated me, and others like me.

She treats her kind with kid gloves, gingerly laying out the details of their suffering (the depression, the anxiety, the thoughts of suicide, etc.)… but always reluctant to accept blame. This article is really just another sob story… One of many sob stories. Old habits are hard to break and playing the victim is her oldest trick.

My BPDex has come a long way. But she has a long way to go. Her loved ones will need to have a lot of patience and they have a lot of hard work in front of them. Readers know that I certainly did my best. But look how she treated me. Good luck to all involved. They’ll need it.

I share this video with you, because it perfectly captures the essence of every woman that I’ve ever dated. It’s hard to not feel bad for this person when they are gushing with every emotion that they have. But this is the power of a troubled woman.

Whenever I was ready to leave a troubled woman, to get the hell away from the trainwreck, she would inevitably turn on the water works. This is how they get you to stay… to avoid abandonment. It’s this insatiable need for attention and their need to play the victim/martyr that defines them. You can give them all of your time and that still won’t be enough. The truth is no one can give them enough attention.  They can even be a global superstar and they will still feel empty and abandoned.

I don’t know much about Sinead O’Connor, but I know her type. She fits the mold that we’ve seen over and over again. The pleas for help and the drama have been with her for a long time. I believe she has been diagnosed with BiPolar. I know she has estranged family members.  This is also not new. All my exes had troubled relationships with their families. It’s not unusual for someone like this to throw hostility in the faces of loved ones and then act like everyone has abandoned her. This is how fucked up people behave.

You may be tempted to think that you are every thing this person needs. But you’re kidding yourself. You could be married with kids and she will still look for attention elsewhere.

Suicidal tendencies should be taken seriously with troubled women, but they should also be taken with a grain of salt. I can’t tell you how many times someone has threatened suicide and then magically forgotten that she did so. That doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of it. They are. But they are also not above using it as another tool to manipulate you.

Thankfully, Sinead is under psychiatric supervision. She is getting the help that she needs. It’s ok to feel bad for these women. Just don’t get sucked into their vortex. Don’t play their yo-yo games.

Father’s Day

June 18, 2017

Today, many of us will be honoring our fathers. But not all of us. Many troubled women have ambivalent feelings about their fathers. Show me a Man Hater and I will show you a woman who secretly hates what her father did to her. I’ll show you a woman who seeks out men to punish for her father’s sins… The father that caused her immeasurable pain. 

Being stabbed in the back is a familiar pain for toxic women and so it is a familiar pattern of behavior. Infidelity and the shutting out of loved ones is also hardwired into these cold-hearted women. 

If you allow a troubled woman into your life, you will know that pain. They decided, long ago, that all men are pigs… Before they even met you. 

No matter what you do, you will trigger memories of a father who betrayed them in some way. Prepare to be punished for being a man.

Toxic Woman

June 5, 2017

It has not been easy getting people to recognize their own toxicity. It’s a long, slow journey. And some people are just not willing to examine themselves. My BPDex ran away because she couldn’t handle the truth that I had laid before her feet. All my exes have worked very hard to prove me wrong… By getting married, having kids, living in denial, blaming me for everything, playing the victim… But there are signs that the contents of this blog are finally sinking in. Recently, my BPDex wrote this:

You have a fight with your friend over something you find ridiculous, and you walk away shaking your head, thinking, “What is wrong with her? Why is she so crazy?” But sometimes, when we’re the toxic friend in a relationship, it’s hard to look in the mirror and see what we’re doing wrong. Instead, we shame and blame our friends when they call us out for behaving badly.

Has my BPDex finally turned the corner? Or is she dispensing advice to others… while still blind to her own bad behavior? Has she spent some time reflecting about the way she treats friends and perhaps some time thinking about the way she treated me? Or is this her feigning self-improvement as she has so often done?

She goes on to write about insecurity, identity issues, soul-searching and the importance of counseling. And although she avoids the first person POV, one can see that the struggle has been personal. She is writing from the heart… Taking a break from social commentary and feminist critique… To tackle issues that are much more painful for her to acknowledge.

Like all my exes, self-examination does not come naturally to her. Toxic women are prone to projection and the demonization of others. So to recognize that the toxic person might be the person in the mirror is a huge step for her. 

I have no desire to reconnect with her or any of my toxic exes. I am content being my own person these days. I no longer long for any of that toxic love. The fond memories are too tainted. But it is satisfying to see my words have had an effect on my ex. 

Politics and Disorders

February 28, 2017

Recently, someone complained about posts I had written about certain political figures. That person threatened to leave, so I encouraged him to do so… not out of spite… out of knowing that this person is still in the fog… unable to see disordered people for who they are. 

I’ve been writing about damaged people for a long time now, and I’ve covered movie stars, musicians and even royalty. So why would politicians escape my observations?

Politics is a red carpet for narcissists and toxic personalities. Just as my BPDex is posing as a feminist to legitimize her hatred of men, narcissists adopt political agendas to support their narcissism. 

The greater concern are those who blindly follow narcissists. Because if you are reading this blog with any regularity, then you most likely have codependent tendencies. You are vulnerable to the charms of a narcissist. 

So when someone threatens to leave this place, they are telling me that they are not ready to see things the way they are. They are still living in a world of delusions and denial. They see the truth as a threat. And after many years of writing on this topic, I have learned to let these people go.