Stephanie Hallett is a writer at Ms Magazine and she has a conspiracy theory. According to her and her angry cohorts, we live in a rape culture. Did you know that? Apparently, our society supports rapists and their efforts to rape women. Ms. Hallett has implicated the NY Times as well as the FBI in this conspiracy. It seems the FBI, when they’re not going after America’s most wanted, has been spending their free time making life hard for women who allege rape.

Ms Hallett believes that the FBI’s definition of rape is outdated and limiting. That is, it excludes certain people from claiming victimhood. For instance, people who can’t control their alcohol or sexual impulses. People who lack proper boundaries. People who are prone to lies and manipulation. People who are prone to chaos manufacturing and false accusations. Drama queens, attention whores and troublemakers, no go. And vindictive women who secretly hate men are also left out in the cold. I hope I haven’t excluded anyone. I would hate to have Ms. Hallett point her heat-seeking missiles at me.

Ms Magazine has devoted an entire issue to the topic of rape. But no where do they speak of BPD. Odd, because BP women are more likely to be victimized than the rest of the female population. They are also more likely to indulge in false accusations and other attention-seeking activities. But the editor felt this topic was not worthy of inclusion. If you’re going to talk about rape, tell the whole story. Not just the parts that push your political agenda.

In the end, even if the FBI were to revise their definition of rape to meet Ms. Hallett’s questionable standards, it would do nothing to curb rapists. Monsters like murderers, molesters and rapists tend to not follow rules. Even if you were to lock up all the rapists in the world, self-victimizers and repeat victims will always find ways to claim victimhood. The self-destructive will always find ways to self-destruct. Court justice will do little to console those living with lifelong trauma.

If you truly want to prevent rape, then it’s time to stop the nonsense and the distractions. It’s time to address personal issues like personality disorders and substance abuse. Investigate any questionable instances of rape and you will mostly find a history of both. If you want to stop rape, cut off the supply of victims. Rapists prey on the weak. That includes people who are stuck in a state of victimhood. People who have a long history of victimhood.

Sending angry letters and signing meaningless petitions will do nothing to help people who are stuck in an endless pattern of self-victimization. Misguided advocates think this is a legal and political issue. They could not be more wrong. The solution is not a political one, but a personal one. The women who are most vulnerable to predators are the emotionally damaged. This has nothing to do with how the NY Times or the FBI defines rape. This has everything to do with women who habitually put themselves at risk.

Ms. Hallett and her fellow writers at Ms. magazine are only distracting people from getting the help they desperately need, when they should be encouraging these people to seek it. Read some of the comments left by the readers at Ms. magazine, and you will notice many of them bear a striking resemblance to untreated borderlines. These are emotionally damaged people blindly lashing out with irrational rage.

The following quote is from an article written by a nurse to help her fellow nurses deal with borderline patients:

Most folks of BPD WERE victims at one time. That is not the problem, however. The problem is that the BPD derives benefits in remaining a victim…and will fight tooth and nail to remain one. Lots of rewards, lots of power, lots of attention are won by it.

Fighting “tooth and nail” is what the writers at Ms. magazine do best. Conflict and drama are in their nature. But for all the benefits the borderline thinks they are receiving, there are plenty of nasty side-effects with self-victimization. Rape is just one of the horrible things that can happen to a person who is addicted to victimhood. These are people who are destined for tragedy. They have been conditioned for it. These are people who are obviously starved for attention. But this is the wrong kind.

I find the writers and readers of Ms magazine to be extremely naive. They have this delusional belief that if only the world worked their way, the course of their tragic lives would be magically and dramatically different. They have accused the FBI and the NY Times of being outdated, but I suggest it is the “victim vs victimizer” model that is outdated. The political trash talk is irrelevant and ineffective.

The new age of personal awareness and self-empowerment is upon us. Ms magazine, put down your pitchforks. It’s time for self-reflection. It’s time you got with the program. The world is not out to get you. That is your own paranoid delusion. Antagonizing the world will not save you or womankind. And it certainly won’t make the world sympathetic to your cause. Rape exploitation does nothing to empower women. It merely keeps troubled women in a state of victimhood. If these self-victimizers would just take a good look at themselves, they would realize that they are their worst enemy.

This graph just posted by Shady McDoyle. I nearly fell on the floor laughing.

With one graph she is attempting to announce how important she is AND justify acting like an unhinged bitch. Impressive. I asked her to substantiate her opinions with facts and she gives me graphs like this. (eyes rolling)

She attacks and judges people she doesn’t even know… she charges into any given situation with her big mouth and unhinged rage… she antagonizes people instead of trying to understand the situation and yet she attributes her low approval ratings to her high visibility, her fame and amazing popularity. She is even hated by fellow feminists and activists, and yet she still thinks she is fighting for social justice.

I hate to be redundant, but this bears repeating- people like Shady and my Ex fight only for themselves. They are not feminists. They are not liberals. They are not social warriors. They are narcissists. Regardless of where they lie on the political spectrum, they are no different than the Glenn Becks and Rush Limbaughs of the world. They all use the guise of activism to bolster their egos and sense of self-importance. These people don’t care about society. They don’t care about justice. They care only about themselves and how people perceive them. This is what this graph illustrates.

Contrary to what most people believe, narcissism is not born of self-love. It is actually someone compensating for self-hatred. Why do you think Limbaugh is addicted to oxcontin? Because he’s a happy well-adjusted chap? A narcissist is a person who experiences so much internal pain, they can only think of themselves. A person who has such low self-esteem, they must spend every waking minute trying to draw attention to themselves. They create delusions of grandeur to compensate for feelings of inadequacy.

It never occurs to people like Shady or my Ex that their piss-poor behavior is the reason why people hate them so much. So rather than change their behavior, they chalk it up to jealousy. People are just jealous of their fame and fabulous success. But despite these sad attempts at self-delusion, eventually the hate gets to them. Shady would not have posted this graph, unless she was feeling the pain of self-awareness. This graph is a band-aid. It’s Shady patting Shady on the head. It turns out that narcissism is just another form of denial.

Here’s what Wiki has to say about destructive narcissism:

  • An unrealistic sense of superiority (“Grandiose“)
  • Pursues power at all costs, lacks normal inhibitions in its pursuit
  • Concerns limited to expressing socially appropriate response when convenient
  • devalues and exploits others without remorse
  • Lacks values; easily bored; often changes course
  • Traumatic childhood undercutting true sense of self-esteem and/or learning that he/she doesn’t need to be considerate of others.

Just when we thought bigotry and “demonizing the other” had gone out of style, fiscal conservatives (aka money grubbers) have brought it back one more time. Unfortunately, they are appealing to the lowest common denominator- Using mantras like “Let’s take our country back!” and “Secure our borders!”

Who are these people who have supposedly taken our country away from us? Do they look like these people…

Or maybe they look like these people

This racist commercial was paid for by a secret society known as Citizens Against Government Waste. The name would make it seem like this is an org run by ordinary joes like you and me. Well, it turns out they are not so ordinary. It turns out their funding comes from some pretty big Wall Street names. Perhaps you’ve heard of some of them?:

Philip Morris kills millions of citizens a year and now they want us to believe they have our best interest at heart? Really?

Long-time friend of Wall Street, Donald Trump has decided it’s his patriotic duty to run for President. Because he thinks Obama isn’t American enough.

He also thinks China is “eating our lunch”.

He’s upset because he has to buy all his windows from China. Is he a nationalist? Or is he just another Narcissistic Opportunist on the prowl. Another attention-whore seeking media fame at the expense of others. The Donald wants us to believe his allegiance lies with the American people. But I’m thinking his allegiance lies with Donald Trump. But where would I get a silly idea like that?

I wonder if China is eating his steaks too?

His lovely daughter is getting in on the act as well. Here she is crying about how Obama has unfairly treated her daddy’s Wall Street buddies.

Poor Wall Street Power Brokers. They never get a break. Except when we bail them out with trillions of tax-payer dollars. A trillion dollars could buy a lot of lunches. I thought they were against Government Waste? What gives?

These Wall Street Players are right though- The American Way of Life is being threatened. The middle class is disappearing. And American values like Freedom of Religion and American notions like “All Men are Create Equal” are being erased from our collective consciousness.

It seems xenophobia is a good way to distract voters from who the real enemies are. While it is easy to believe that foreigners are invading our small towns and eating our lunch. The fact is our worst enemies might be the ones who call themselves Americans.

Just remember- slick ads cost lots and lots of money. There are only a few people in America who have that kind of money. About 1% of the population. But xenophobia has a much steeper price than what these Fat Cats paid, when you consider that these Hatemongers are eroding National Unity and American Values. Pitting Americans against Americans, to take the focus off the Corporate Looting of America.

But what do you expect from an org that names itself “Tigerbeatdown”? Seriously. Abuse is in their DNA.

When orgs like TigerMeltdown recruit the angry and the irrational, the young and the naive, it can come back and bite them in the ass. As seen with their latest rounds of death threats. I suppose their heart is in the right place, but their minds… not so much. The fight for pro-choice and anti-racism is a worthy one. But this is not a fight for the emotionally unstable. Children who have been traumatized by a lifetime of abuse should spend their time in a therapist’s office, not on the frontlines of activism.

To be fair, there are extremists on both sides of the political spectrum. And when the economy goes sour, it seems to bring the worst out in everybody. But even so, such radicalism serves no purpose other than to further alienate the disenfranchised. And widen the divide between factions.

My borderline ex and I had many a heated debate over this topic. She had devoted her whole life to radical activism. But it was not out of any philanthropic impulse. It was because she was an angry teen, a rebel looking for a cause. An untreated borderline looking for a place to dump her toxic waste.

She had been victimized her whole life and now she wanted revenge. Activism made her feel empowered and morally superior. But she would not seek vengeance against the people who abused her. That would make too much sense. Instead she chose to lash out at the world around her. She was born with all the privileges afforded to a white college-educated woman in North America, and still she feels oppressed.

The truth is many activists are just like my ex. They harbor unresolved pain. So they take up the banner of the oppressed in order to legitimize their unbridled rage. They indulge in delusions of grandeur and illusions of oppression. In their minds, they are enlightened social warriors. But these troubled Don Quixotes are living a lie. Sheltered by tight-knit Tumblr communities, they have lost all perception of reality. In this virtual environment, any hope of self-awareness or trauma recovery is unlikely.

America isn’t prefect, but it’s pretty damn close. We have a long way to go as far as equality and discrimination, but I challenge you to find another place in the world that offers this much freedom and opportunity. Even for minorities. When I look at what is going on in the Middle East and North Africa, I thank Uncle Sam for providing me with what many in the world live without. But yet still the malcontents rage against the machine. We have become so privileged, we are literally looking for things to piss and moan about.

I’m all for social change, but a system has been set up where we can participate in government. Why try to burn that system to the ground? You say you don’t like the widening gap between the rich and the poor? Me neither. But this is the land of opportunity. Look at where Obama came from, and look at where he is now. He is affecting change from the inside-out. He’s making it happen by working with the system, not against it. He has changed many people’s perceptions about African-Americans without throwing a tantrum.

But when I look at these upstarts (on both sides) making bizarre accusations and sometimes death threats, I have to wonder what’s wrong with these people. These political orgs pose as advocacy groups. They bill themselves as safe-havens for the down and out. But these are not places where people get better. These places are not run by therapists. They are run by “professional” shitstarters, exploiters and opportunists.

People like Shady and Garland may have good intentions buried underneath all that teen angst, but they are doing more harm than good. Especially when they exploit the emotionally troubled for the sake of internet fame. To Garlands credit, he has admonished the unruly children for making death threats. I suppose he has moments of maturity. Most likely, he was just covering his own ass. But these kids need more than discipline from big brother, they need help.

I have spent some time scouring their blogs, looking for insight. And I see a lot of troubled souls. It is obvious that a large number of these TigerBeaters are survivors of sexual assault and emotional abuse. These so-called survivor advocates are surprisingly ignorant when it comes to their own condition. Perhaps, denial would be a better choice of words. So what is it they are advocating? Do they think political change will soothe a lifetime’s worth of psychological damage? Or do they create outward chaos to distract themselves from the chaos they feel inside?

It’s scary because these misguided souls look to Shady and Garland for guidance. It’s the blind leading the blind. These people aren’t fighting for social justice. That’s a hoax. They are fighting for the sake of fighting, conditioned and desensitized by years of abuse. They are fighting demons from their past on the political stage. But while attempting to affect social change, they have neglected their own personal change. Their trauma goes untreated. Their personality disorders unacknowledged. This is where the real injustice is happening.

Let’s leave the activism for people who are emotionally healthy. People who can put a good face onto activism. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again- Save yourselves, before you try to save the World.

By now most of you have probably seen this ridiculously racist rant by Alexandra Wallace. Is it possible that such behavior could be the result of BPD?

If there was one redeeming quality about my borderline ex, it was that she was decidedly not racist. Race-obsessed maybe but definitely not racist. If anything she was PC to a fault. Sometimes acting like she was morally superior to those around her, when she was anything but.  She would often belittle people in order to make herself feel better about herself. She could be downright nasty with her putdowns and cattiness, when she felt like someone was a threat. She was always compensating for her inferiority-complex. Racists are basically operating under the same premise. They act like they are superior to compensate for hidden feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Different manifestation, same impulse.

Clearly something is not right with Alexandra Wallace. It’s too easy to say she’s ignorant and backwards. What’s going on psychologically? Let’s start with her desperate cry for attention. She may look pretty and privileged on the outside. But sometimes carefully-crafted beauty belies profound self-esteem issues. Sometimes people with poor self-image compensate by wearing tons of make-up and showing ample amounts of cleavage.  Sometimes you can judge a book by its cover. These are characteristics we see in people with narcissistic/histrionic tendencies all the time.

Her library experience was sooo devastating, she felt the need to broadcast it onto the internet. Very dramatic. Very self-important. She was so outraged, she felt the need to condemn an entire race of people. It was all about her and what she suffered in that brief moment. Other people’s suffering (tsunami survivors included) could not hold a candle up to hers. I (of all people) get that she needs to vent, but like a borderline she took it a few steps too far. Clearly there is some grossly misplaced and wildly disproportionate anger here.

Some of this can be attributed to age and pure stupidity. But there’s an impulsive quality here that needs to be addressed. We all get upset, but the rage that comes with BPD is sudden and seems to come out of nowhere. It is more like a knee-jerk reaction that leads to being kicked in the face. It begs the “where did that come from?” reaction. BPD behavior is not abnormal, it is hyper-normal. BPs experience all the same emotions that everyone else does. Only their emotions are much more intense and their reactions are much more severe.

The first thing that stuck out as BPD behavior was her black and white thinking. No, I don’t mean skin color. I mean the belief that people are either all good or all bad.  The fact that she has made broad generalizations about an entire race of people is very black and white. There are no subtle shades of grey with untreated borderlines. Their thirst for conflict requires them to always look for a fight. To justify a war and make their rage righteous, they demonize and dehumanize the other.

Even though my ex was not racist, she would often make sweeping judgments about men.  “They’re all pigs”, she would say. You can imagine how this affects the way she treats men. Even men she supposedly loves. Perhaps you can argue that as an assault survivor, she had justifications for such beliefs. But the fact was her traumatic experiences tainted the way she looked at all human beings, even ones who did not deserve such harsh judgment. When you expect the worst in people, that’s what you get. She antagonizes people and then wonders why people treat her so horribly. Racists too create these self-fulfilling prophecies.

What we often see with borderlines is a lack of accountability. It’s always someone else’s fault. What makes it worse is when people in power enable such behavior. I was appalled when a UCLA professor rushed to Ms.Wallace’s defense. And even more appalled when Ms. Magazine portrayed this blatantly racist woman as a victim. Sadly, Ms. Magazine has a history of defending women with questionable histories and borderline tendencies all in the name of feminism. But don’t get me started on how feminism has gone astray. That I’ll save for a future post. For now, I’ll just say that I’m deeply disappointed.

The point is we reap what we sow. You can’t unleash your “shitass” rage upon the world and expect the world to treat you with dignity. When you behave in a boorish manner, you can be certain you will be treated with an equal if not greater lack of civility and respect. When you react with irrational rage, you invite an irrational response. Don’t cry about it. If you start a fight, take your licks.

Did Alexandra deserve to be subjected to sexist comments and death threats? No. But when she posted her hate-filled message on YouTube, she was starting a war. Once you set the dominoes in motion, there’s no stopping the sequence of events. Escalation is inevitable.

Right or wrong, hate incurs more hate.  To think otherwise is pure naivete. Sorry Ms Magazine, Alexandra Wallace’s victim card has just been revoked. Morons like her need to think before they open their big mouths. There are consequences for bad behavior, and it is often paid with interest.

But I digress, let’s get back to Alexandra’s rage. Let’s talk about emotional dysregulation. BP behavior is driven by intense emotions that override cognitive function. It makes people do stupid things, especially in the heat of the moment. While it is easy to label this YouTube racist as being dumb, it is more accurate to say that she is irrational.

If you read the blurb on the video, it mentions that she regrets her actions. It is not uncommon for the Irrational to later regret their egregious behavior. She says she doesn’t know “what came over her”. What came over her was uncontrolled rage. She was acting out. This type of behavior has become more common with the advent of social media. We’ve seen it with irrational bloggers like Shady, Garland and Lex, and now we see it with this irresponsible loudmouth.

Uncontrolled rage translates to self-destructive behavior. We’ve seen this before when 100 raging TigerBeaters stormed Savory Dish. I saw this when my ex engaged in acts of infidelity, when her last words to me were “fuck you” and when she ruthlessly cut me out of her life.  She was not thinking with her brain, she was reacting to her unstable emotions. My borderline ex is an intelligent woman but she does stupid things all the time.  By the time her emotions have done their damage, her intelligence works only to rationalize what she has done. This is the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde effect that is so common with borderlines.

There is a primitive side to BPD which causes untreated borderlines to judge and treat people harshly. Studies have shown that people with BPD have higher activity in their limbic (primitive) portion of the brain. The limbic system was passed down from our prehistoric days when it was useful to group things into good or bad categories, especially good or bad people. We’ve evolved since then, but we still retain that primitive side of our nature.

When our cave-dwelling ancestors were confronted with a threat, they didn’t have time to think of an intelligent or polite response. So they reacted impulsively. It works well when you are reacting to a wooly mammoth. But not so well when you are reacting to loud people in the library. It served us well back in prehistoric times, but not so much in the era of YouTube.

So what causes someone to regress to primitive behavior? Most likely trauma. If the trauma was great enough or has taken place over a lifetime, it can arrest a person’s emotional development. It can keep the borderline in a state of fear and mistrust. Or in Ms. Wallace’s case, keep her in a state of anger and hate. The trauma evokes our most basic survival instincts. The limbic part of our brain is unsophisticated but it is designed to keep us alive. Believe it or not, intolerance and prejudice were originally designed to keep us out of harm’s way. But the prehistoric brain has difficulty adjusting to modern life. And it can be very destructive in social situations. It’s like sending a bull into a crystal store.

I’m willing to bet that Alexandra has a history of inviting chaos and drama into her life. These are rarely isolated incidents, as some UCLA administrators would like us to believe. People don’t act this way on a whim. It is usually a lifelong commitment to drama. These are patterns that are synonymous with borderline activity. I’m also willing to bet that Ms. Wallace did not have the wholesome upbringing that she claims she did. Her horrid behavior suggests otherwise. It suggests there has been a history of abuse in her life.

Most likely her YouTube rant was a result of misplaced anger. Something that you see a lot with trauma survivors. Anger can be healthy when it is directed at its original source. But with borderline types and trauma survivors, anger is rarely directed at its original source.

Most survivors were too young or powerless to confront their original abuser, so they carry unresolved anger their whole lives and unleash it on unsuspecting (undeserving) victims. Misplaced anger happens when people have repressed and unresolved pain. They look for convenient dump sites for their toxic waste.

Often, these people pick on easy targets like loved ones or, in Alexandra’s case, a visible minority. My ex had years of anger stored up from her past. But instead of pointing that anger at the people who assaulted her, she decided to use me as her emotional punching bag. Her own parents abused her trust, but yet she chose to cut me out of her life. I was a convenient scapegoat. Racists too look for scapegoats to unleash pain from their pasts. Don’t be surprised to find abuse locked away in their closet.

We can’t tell with any certainty what exactly happened to Alexandra Wallace, but there are unmistakable signs that are common with all survivors of abuse. Survivors of abuse work in strange but predictable ways.

What we have here is another teachable moment. This YouTube rant has taught us that when we let our emotions run away with us, we do things that we later regret. We hurt people who don’t deserve to be hurt.  We pick fights and then wonder why the world hates us. We make ourselves look stupid and embarrass the people around us. Sadly, these behaviors can not be curbed by will power alone.

When you are this emotional unstable, will power is rendered powerless. This YouTube act was probably not this little girl’s first regrettable act. Most likely, this was the culmination of  a lifetime’s worth of self-destructive acts. With people like this, it’s always a pattern of inappropriate behavior. To change such behavior requires breaking old patterns and replacing them with healthier ones. You are reprogramming dysfunctional patterns that have been hardwired into your brain. This takes years and years of dedicated effort.

Does this YouTube racist have BPD? Who knows? But clearly something is not right in her head. Whatever her malfunction is, she needs to take a serious look at herself. And address issues that she has probably ignored for her whole life. Sadly, low lifes like Alexandra Wallace are not likely to embrace change. When they are this troubled, denial is part of the problem. Yes, she has apologized and withdrawn from UCLA. But only to save her own skin. Self-preservation is always at the forefront of a borderline’s mind.

Before you feel sorry for poor Alexandra, know there is already talk about her own blog and an MTV show. Another slimey opportunist. Surprise. Surprise. Another attention-whore seeking fame at the expense of others. Another moron who thinks media fame will cure what ails her. Where have we seen this kind of wrongheaded thinking before?

Feminist vs Feminist

March 5, 2011

I love it when ignorant “feminists” are put in their place by other feminists. Mostly, because when I do it, they turn around and accuse me of misogyny. (eyes rolling) But when another feminist puts the smackdown on their own, these master manipulators are unable to use their false accusations, gross generalizations and demonization tactics. Suddenly, their smoke and mirror tricks are rendered useless in the face of rational thought. I’d like to share with you one of these magical moments.

MissLexington wrote:

So a lot of you have probably seen this tool already if you follow Sady Doyle on Tumblr, but I think he could use a good dose of Lesbian Shitass rage. Basically, this guy’s blog is a burn book dedicated to his ex who he has armchair diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder. This guy is a misogynist, ableist jerk. Be forewarned: this guy is a rape apologist, has some pretty awful things to say about mental illness/Borderline Personality Disorder, and he also censors comments to his blog. If you’re triggered by any of those things, I would steer clear. Otherwise, if you want a rage blackout on Monday, enjoy!

Did this whackjob just accuse me of being an ableist? Let’s clear this up- I have nothing against feminists. I have nothing against people with disorders. I have nothing against people who have been traumatized. But if you use any of these things as an excuse to be abusive, I will take you down. I will hold you accountable. Don’t feign moral indignation. Don’t start crying to your dysfunctional internet buddies. If you’re an abusive asshole be forewarned: you will get what’s coming to you.

Miss Lex is looking for a fight. She is filled with a lifetime’s worth of rage. I have triggered her fears of rejection and memories of abusive boyfriends. But this is a case of mistaken identity. I am not the man who abused her. But she is looking for a toxic waste dump. She needs to justify her “shitass” rage, so she demonizes me to create false sense of righteousness. She groups me with all the men who have abused her, because that’s what abused/abusive people do. Fortunately, Flaky (a feminist, a therapist and a survivor of a BPD relationship) straightened her out for me:

So I’ve actually read through a lot of the blog and none of the comments and I somewhat disagree with you here. Yes, this guy is a jilted bitter ex, but a lot of what he writes is spot on. Whether you call it BPD or Complex PTSD (the term most progressive mental health practitioners, including myself, prefer) many of the behaviours he describes are sadly, very typical. For example, many end up being revictimized repeatedly because of poor boundaries, self-medicating and problematic “friends”. This isn’t an indictment or blaming, it is simply fact. As abuse is often the cause/catalyst for CPTSD it is also something that perpetuates makes further abuse more likely. Similar to people who are in one abusive relationship after another. Again, this is not blaming the survivor/victim or excusing the abuser, the rapist is still 100% culpable, but in order to recover one needs to question, examine and change that behaviour. On a personal note, I dated someone with BPD. No arm-chairing here (Though I am, incidentally, a therapist), he was full on diagnosed and being treated BPD. I’m the last person to hold mental illness against someone, but I’ll be honest, it was incredibly hard to be with him and not view him as a batshit crazy asshole. It’s a year later and I still have a very difficult time reconciling my feelings about him. He was totally emotionally abusive and manipulative and brought out all sorts of crazy in me. I tried to stay by him because I understood that his behaviour was in a big part due to his illness. It still made my life hard and fucked with my emotions hard core. So I kinda get where this guy is coming from.

Looks like Miss Lex has just been schooled. Her hopes and dreams have been crushed. She was hoping to characterize me as an abusive ex. She was hoping that I had concocted this elaborate scheme to frame my ex. She like so many of her kind wanted to believe I made this stuff up. She wanted so badly to believe that my claims of abuse were illegitimate. But she was so caught up in her rage, she failed to consider that there may be other victims of BPD out there. Many of these victims are women. Some are feminists just like her. By falsely accusing me of lying she basically dismissed their suffering. Doh.

If I may offer a post-game analysis from my armchair, it would seem to me that Miss Lex has just been served a big glass of STFU. This is what happens when you’re an angry emo girl who types without knowing a thing about what you’re talking about. I don’t know what happened to Lex, but clearly it has left her mentally disabled. (oops, there goes my ableism again) Here she is foaming at the mouth like all her rabid kind, trying to act all bad-ass and self-righteous. Then Flaky walks in and bitch-slaps Miss Lex with a whole lotta knowledge. And suddenly a miracle happens: Miss Lex is rendered speechless.

With tail tucked between her legs, Miss Lex apologized for her crazy talk and offered her sympathy to Flaky. She apologized for being insensitive. Clearly, Miss Lex was embarrassed as demonstrated by her back-peddling. Funny, how she didn’t offer the same sympathy to me. Flaky calls her ex a batshit crazy asshole and fauxminists like Lex cry at her feet. I call my ex a crazy bitch and suddenly I’m a “tool” and a “douchebag”.

I’m sorry but didn’t Flaky basically confirm everything I was attacked for? I’ve been writing about poor boundaries, self-medicating and problematic “friends” for quite some time now.  But when I said it, I was labeled a misogynist and a jerk. Oh that’s right… I’m an evil and able man. I see how this works. It seems feminists like Miss Lex think “burning” an ex is ok as long as the ex is a man. This is known in feminist circles as gender bias.

Miss Lex is proof that a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing. You see, Miss Lex once took a feminist theory class, and now she thinks she knows everything. But most of the time she is talking out of her ass. Regurgitating what other feminist sheep have told her. She read the phrase “rape apologist” in a book one time and it changed her life. Now she no longer has to be responsible for her hostile behavior. She doesn’t have to bother using reason or logic, because she can just utter the words “rape apologist” and all the evil men will be neutralized.

The problem with silly little girls like Miss Lex is that they lack life experience, but yet they think they know everything there is to know about life.  Their life is a mess, but yet they think they can save the world. They act like spoiled brats and yet they think they stand on higher moral ground. Yes, they read a lot of books, but only books that support their dysfunctional behavior. Notice how ignorant Miss Lex is about PDs and PTSD. A crazy bitch like her could use that kind of self-awareness. But hey, who needs facts, when you’ve got chutzpah?!

What puzzles me is that here we have an exchange between a person who claims to be a therapist and a young woman who is clearly emotionally unstable. At no time, does the therapist (Flaky) make a comment about MissLex’s uncontrolled rage. Yes, she does correct her but only to establish the legitimacy of BPD victimhood (that is her own victimhood).

Furthermore, Flaky the therapist says she has a history of dating crazy men. I suppose that kind of makes me feel better, knowing that even a therapist can not resist the charms of a crazy lover. Dysfunctional patterns are hard to break even for someone well-versed in human psychology. But as much as I’d like to present Flaky as the superior feminist, I have to question her judgment. Did it not occur to her that Miss Lex shares a lot of the same qualities as her borderline ex? (black and white thinking, impulsivity, vindictive rage) Or is there some sort of gender force-field that prevents feminists from finding fault with their unhinged sisters?

Flaky, you accuse me of being an ass. But how would you react if a 100 nutjobs showed up at your home chanting non-stop insults and death threats? And then left without apologizing. How do you expect me to take these clowns seriously? How is one suppose to react to hostility? with hugs and kisses? Clearly they were looking for a rise. This is how people behave when they are addicted to chaos. You as a therapist should know that. I just gave them what they wanted. Why not chastise Lex and her team of rageoholics? Certainly, you are qualified to make such evaluations. I guess therapists can be biased too.

I’m not a therapist, so I don’t have to treat disordered people with the same reverence that you do. I can call people like Shady and Lex “crazy bitches” because I feel that accurately describes the way they behave. I’m not under professional obligation to play nicey nicey. If my hands are dirty, it’s because I’ve been dealing with dirty swine.

But at the end of all this conflict, even putzes like Miss Lex have learned a little something about themselves and the world around them. Even our Lancashire Troll has developed some self-awareness and a change of heart. And Shady and Co have softened their voices for their viewing public. While these are superficial changes, it’s a start.

So maybe… just maybe, I’m not as bad as you think I am.

Yes, it’s true. I am jilted and bitter. I am “burning” my borderline ex for all to see, because she has tried to hide her misdeeds and runaway from her past. She has spread lies and altered the truth. She deserves to answer for her shady behavior. The material here is based on science, facts and real life experience. Don’t take my word for it. Read up. See if you don’t find the same answers as I did. The science that is out there trumps whatever you learned in Feminist Theory 101. I know that makes some of you angry as hell, but you were probably angry before you met me.

Miss Lex says she’s bothered by my blog. I don’t doubt it. She’s angry for the same reason my ex is angry. They don’t like hearing the truth about themselves. They are desperate to shut this blog down because it reveals an unflattering side to these two-faced activists. In public, they present themselves as do-gooders, but in private they act like ill-mannered children. The uncontrolled rage and manipulative ways they have demonstrated for the last few weeks has only confirmed my observations.

Flaky, you were lucky. Your ex, as crazy as he was, had the decency to get diagnosed and seek treatment. Many like my ex remain untreated and have avoided getting properly diagnosed. They are currently living a lie. They continue to spread misery where ever they go. You have the satisfaction of your ex taking responsibility for his actions. I don’t.

I know you don’t care for my methods but I thank you for educating your fellow feminists about BPD. I thank you for legitimizing the claims of abuse by millions of ex-partners. I invite you to tell your story here.

And Miss Lex, thank you for a good laugh and the free publicity. Maybe next time you’ll do some research before you open that big mouth of yours. I think you need to focus on you, not me. Your rage is not righteous. It is misdirected and out of control.  The only person you’re fighting for is yourself. No one has the right to act like an unhinged bitch. Save yourself before you pretend to save the world.

XOXO

Shawna Forde is on trial for murdering an innocent family including a nine yr old girl, because she thought they were robbing Mexican drug dealers. Here we have a YouTube vid where she seems fairly composed and somewhat rational for a murderous racist. BTW she says she’s innocent. Where have I heard that one before? Notice how she portrays herself as being victimized. Where have we seen this before?

The emotionally unstable can put on a good act. They have to in order to survive in the real world. If they really have something to hide, they can even disguise themselves as activists or concerned citizens. A perfect disguise. Which is why I’m always concerned about people who spread messages of hate, but then put on a smiley face for the cameras. But when the cameras are off, you would be shocked how cruel and heartless they can be.

So why do some people have such a hard time believing my ex was emotionally abusive? Because she’s a self-proclaimed feminist? Because she was an alleged rape survivor? If a suspected murderer can fool people into believing that she’s an upright citizen, couldn’t my ex fool people into believing that she is a damsel in distress?

If she’s capable of covering up her infidelity, isn’t she capable of all sorts of lies and manipulations? If my ex has a history of cutting her wrists… That is, if she is capable of inflicting physical harm to herself, wouldn’t it stand to reason that she is capable of inflicting emotional harm onto others? Especially, if she thought she could get away with it.

The fact is emotionally damaged people are in extraordinary pain. Such people often complain about migraines or other mysterious physical ailments. These are physical manifestations of the pain they feel inside. When the pain becomes too much, that person must find ways to cope. Two ways they cope is self-destructive behavior (drinking, drugs, infidelity, questionable behavior, drama etc.) and the other is to lash out at others (emotional outbursts, picking fights, baiting, passive-aggressive behavior). This is the transferring of pain from one person to another.

I would regularly confront my ex about her abusive behavior. Sometimes she would break down and cry. But other times, she would just slip into a dissociative state (emotionally detached). She would get this smirk on her face. She boasted about what a good actress she was. She even seemed proud of her abusive behavior. This was all behind closed doors of course. Who would believe that an activist, a feminist, a progressive woman, a hip hop dancer who teaches kids could abuse another? Nobody. And that is why she gets away with it.

The truth is she is very capable of hiding dark secrets. She’s been doing it her whole life. She’s hiding a lot of pain. A lot. Pain that has been passed onto others. Looking at her, you wouldn’t think she would be capable of such abusive behavior. I only recognized her pain, because I have trained myself to look for these signs.  I’ve only known her for a year, and yet I was able to pick up the signs. Her family has known her for her whole life and yet they think she’s perfectly fine. Denial is part of the reason her pain, and the pain of others, continues.

It’s sad that in this day and age, we’re not more conscious of these things. We worry about the environment, we worry about trans fats, we worry about social inequality, but yet people hardly ever talk about mental health. Look around you. There’s a lot of people walking around with untreated pain. You can see it. You can feel it. I’m not talking about people who are stressed out from traffic or work. I’m talking about untreated trauma. Deep-seated anguish. Let’s get these people the help they need, and put an end to the pain for all of us.

Young Feminists Speak Out

January 19, 2011

Tomorrow, Young Feminists Will Speak Out in Santa Monica. What will they speak about? Not sure. But I hope they will speak about borderline personality disorder. Why? Because BPD affects a lot of women, especially young women. Especially, survivors of sexual assault. This is a topic all feminists should care about.

Traditionally, feminists have had a troubled relationship with the male-dominated mental health field. In particular, they have a problem with any type of negative label that might be slapped onto women by said industry. In days gone by, women had been abused or sent to asylums for “hysteria”. It is not hard to figure out why the mistrust is there. Even BPD is seen by some feminists as having negative connotations for women.

But I hope the younger generation will take a new look at mental health. If a feminist can talk about breast cancer, why shouldn’t they be concerned about BPD or any other personality disorder? Did you know borderline women are more likely to be assaulted?(sometimes more than once) These are things all women should know. And as protectors of women, feminists should have a keen interest in seeing BPD women treated for this serious disorder.  If for no other reason, than stopping the suffering of millions of women around the world.

My ex is a feminist. She works for a major feminist publication. She is not only a survivor of sexual assault, but has clear signs of BPD. But yet she has not even gone in for a proper diagnosis. She would rather blog about thrifting shoes, than talk about her struggles with BPD. It’s a shame really. I think women need to hear about other women who have been through this challenging experience. I think her coming out would be a healing experience for her and many other women. Many BP women hide their disorder in shame, because they are afraid to come out. Should it not be a feminist that leads first?

But another reason I think feminists should talk about BPD is because an untreated borderline will often abuse their own partners and children, thus perpetuating the cycle of abuse. As they say, what goes around comes around. If you want to see young women live in a world free of abuse, let’s start with women who perpetrate abuse. I was abused by my ex and I am very aware of the negative effect it has had on me. So now it is my hope that all people, including feminists, will be aware of the negative effect of abusive relationships. This includes borderlines and other silent abusers.

Feminists have always spoken out against abuse of any sort. They have also demanded equality. So… Shouldn’t feminists also speak out against women who abuse men?

More Magazine Article

Drowning Barbie

January 10, 2011

I love dark humor. Especially, if it involves putting a sick twist on a cultural icon. So when I saw this video on Ms. Magazine’s blog, I immediately loved the idea of drowning Barbie. But then I read all the comments being made under the posting, and it killed it for me. (no pun intended)

The comments were filled with people who take themselves waaay too seriously, including the artist. People who were concerned that this art might encourage violence against women. People who suggested that Barbie was a symbol of how a male-dominated society is imposing their ideals on women. I read these comments, and all I could think is- What happened to these women? What made them feel oppressed?

It’s just a doll, people. To blame Barbie for an entire generation’s low self-esteem is absurd. Have we become so privileged, that we are desperately looking for things to whine about? If you have a pool in your backyard, then you are way too privileged to complain about how the Patriarchy is oppressing you. If you have a college education, then you have what many people in the world do not have access to. So what are you bitching about?

If you don’t feel good about your body, that’s because you have low self-esteem. It is YOUR responsibility to make yourself feel good about your body. Not the Patriarchy. Not some toy manufacturer. YOU. I grew up reading comic books that were filled with impossible images of muscle-bound super heroes. Did it make me feel inadequate? Probably. So I hit the gym and now I have a body that I’m happy with. Is that so terrible?

The world is full of images that don’t represent the masses. Look at Michelangelo’s David. How many guys do you know who fit that ideal? Not many. Should they crawl up into a fetal position and cry foul? What’s wrong with having ideals? Even if they are out of reach for most. Look at how many guys wanna be like Mike or Tiger. Is that a sign of oppression? Or are they just someone to look up to?

If you hate Barbie that much, then create your own doll. Make it in your own image. If you’re upset because Time magazine hasn’t put Nancy Pelosi on its cover, then start your own magazine. Oprah did it. She can put whoever she wants on the cover. In my mind, she is a true feminist. As one of the world’s wealthiest women and most powerful people, she is another impossible ideal. But that’s why people look up to her. Shoot for the stars and you’ll hit the moon. Or something like that.

Isn’t it time for men and women to take control of their own self-worth? And stop concocting conspiracy theories on how the world is out to get them. Feminism should be about empowerment. But what Ms. Magazine is doing (again and again) is keeping women in a state of blame. That’s self-victimization, not empowerment. It’s time for feminists to re-examine themselves. I think they have lost their way.

Feminist Double Standard?

October 26, 2010

Today Ms Magazine was caught with their pants down. Not literally. According to Ms, that would be tacky. And while I might agree, it seems like they are guilty of the ole double standard. The blog author from Ms Magazine was disgusted by an eco-friendly company using sex to sell it’s solar panels. When just a week ago, Ms readers hailed sexploitation artist, Tila Tequila, for “expressing her sexuality”. And accused her detractors of “slut shaming”. The same author who called Tila sexy, was calling the solar panel company sexist.

Sooo, it’s ok for a woman to use sex to sell herself, but not ok for sexy women to sell solar panels? Do you think this has something to do with the founder of the solar panel company being a man?

To be honest, I wouldn’t be making such a stink about this if certain feminists weren’t acting like such self-righteous assholes.