Defenders of the Faith

September 16, 2015

Dita Kelly had this to say about this blog:

Having read most of the postings on here it seems its mostly from bitter ex’s who really know nothing about BPD at all.Once apon a time people call homosexuals ‘monsters’ and ‘avoided’ black people.Our society has developed to no longer tolerate discrimination on these issues and yet this site seems to outwardly encourage discrimination on the grounds of mental illness. Shame on you, educate yourselves more and don’t use your bitterness about a failed relationship to promote stigma and discrimination. Stop regurgitating your hurt out about the fact your relationship didn’t work out, make your peace with it and move on to new love.

I have a hard time taking advocates for mental illness seriously. Mostly, because they’re mentally ill. But also because most of what they spew is defensive garbage that merely seeks to shift blame and cover up the fact that they are the reason why mental illness has such a stigma. They also hide behind accusations of discrimination.

Dita points out that I am bitter, but doesn’t bother to ask why I am bitter. Instead, she assumes that I was bitter at birth, thus releasing her kind from any responsibility. She tells me to find a new love. But she doesn’t realize that with each new love, I meet another mentally-ill woman who doesn’t want to accept responsibility for her condition. She doesn’t appreciate the fact that people, like me, have tried to love people like her.

Dita compares herself to homosexuals and black people in order to garner sympathy and stoke the fires of indignation. But where have we seen this manipulative act before? Yes, followers of this blog have often witnessed toxic women compare themselves to Jews being sent to the gas chamber and compare critics to Hitler and rapists. If nothing else, the mentally ill have a flair for melodrama.

According to Dita, I know nothing about BPD. So apparently, all the facts I have provided have been manufactured by psychologists with a secret agenda. So I invite Dita to share information that she feels like we have missed. Could it be that we have misjudged her kind? Or is this how toxic women work to cover up their toxic history?

Notice how she spreads her shame. This is a toxic woman who is accustomed to dumping the shame she feels onto unsuspecting men and then telling them to “move the fuck on”. It never occurs to her that she leaves a trail of bitterness behind her. It never occurs to her that mental illness might be a legitemate reason why some relationships don’t work out.

She claims I am ignorant. But she ignores the fact that I have been dating toxic women my whole adult life. I know these women better than they know themselves. I shared Dita’s comments because I want people to see how these women LOVE to play the victim. But you can’t be the victim if you continue to victimize others.

17 Responses to “Defenders of the Faith”

  1. Cate said

    Hi! I’ve posted here before and we had a good rapport. What strikes me most about this is why are all of your intimate relationships with the personality disordered? Have you had a chance to examine your early life and those in it to assess what set you up as a magnet for the mentally ill, specifically PDs? There are plenty of stable, emotionally intelligent, mentally well women in the world. I’d examine why I needed to be in a relationship first and then figure out what is the mutual attractor between you and personality disordered people. That’s just what I would do.

    • savorydish said

      Trust me, I have spent a great deal of time examining the very pattern you speak of. But examining that pattern and changing that pattern are two different things.

      • naples104 said

        The pattern is generally caused by childhood trauma and a great place to start is the attachment theory. I have read volumes on it, seen a therapist that is an expert on personality disorders and I know exactly why I do too much. The key I think is if the person you are dating is asking too much of you or allowing you to do too much for them and you are doing it out of love, but conversely they are not showing you an equal sacrifice, it is a very bad sign for a relationship. Its easy to say after the fact but very hard to do if you are co-dependent and like to save people. Co-dependents seek love and affection by doing more than they should and putting every one else’s needs above their own. Then we are devastated when they dump us because they know they have taken advantage of us and cannot return the love you have given them. I don’t seem to be able to stop that and I have gotten fucked again by a selfish psycho.

  2. naples104 said

    Fuck these advocates for mental health. I have been with a woman that has masked a personality disorder for the 32 months that we have been together. I fell in love with this woman but the conflict has become intolerable placing blame on me for everything gone wrong in her life. These psychos are masters at deflection of responsibility they should take that a mentally healthy person accepts for the life choices they have made. I get sucked in by the loving statements they make, “I love you so much, I cannot live with out you, you are my life…” then confused and hurt by the lack of action to back up the statements. That leaves people like me, a co-dependent, doing more and more for these people that actually resent what you do for them and if you mention it to them in the heat of a conflict, validating that you did all of these things out of love, they accuse you of throwing it their faces. The problem is with us for not reading the tea leaves on these psychos when the first signs show up in the relationship. Instead we do more to show them how worthy we are of their love when in reality they love only them selves and when faced with proving their love to you, they cut, run and blame you because they have to have life exclusively on their terms. Shame on me for letting another person use me but fuck them for not realizing and admitting that they are toxic to everyone they meet and all they really have is a collection of sycophants that hang on because they are likeable. They make great jokes and are the life of the party and highly social because they are always looking for the next person to take down and take advantage of. Fuck them!!!

  3. Devaluedman said

    I agree. You can’t love these disordered women. Their love is based on need. Nothing you do is ever enough. They are immature little babies. It is not love as we know it. You are an object. Nothing more. They keep in touch with their exes for supply in case they need them. I won’t be one of those fools. And you shouldn’t either. After the break-up, do no engage with them. They love to suck the life-force out of you. It’s not about you. They are the most self-absorbed, entitled people walking this earth. You don’t matter, and you never EVER will. I still love my ex. I admit it. But I am going to stuff those feelings. I am going to let go. One day, I hope I won’t have those feelings, and she will simply be a distant memory. I hope those of you who think you can win this battle wake up and realize you will never win with these people. They are vampires and they will suck you dry, and move on to the next host. People tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen. Save yourself! Get out with you life.

  4. Felix said

    I too have read many of your posts, and I too have begun to see a pattern in your writing. If this is your attempt in catharsis, then you must do what you must do, but why publish it? Why not journal it privately? To me, it looks consistently like you are stuck, cycling through the same pain that apparently causes you to keep finding yourself in toxic relationships. Isn’t it time to let that go now and move on? Your audience (and I used naples104 as a prime example) seem to be likewise hurting people with their own axes to grind. I fail to see the value in your blog for others now. It reads as toxic ooze and for that reason, I have decided to stop following it. I wish you all the best.

    • savorydish said

      Felix, the toxicity had to come from somewhere. To keep it private would deprive others of knowing the truth and silencing/shaming those who have a right to share their traumatic stories. But do what you feel is right.

      • Felix said

        I would suggest to you that your reasons are not now altruistic, but perhaps more to do with the need to remain a victim, and hence convince others of your continued and unfortunate run-ins with disordered women. It sounds axe-grinding now. Perhaps you are not doing men (or women) the favour you claim to by this? Perhaps writing a final post to your blog where you share how you have healed to accepting yourself and can let go of this blog? As I say, it is for me, too much of the same for too long now, and it is not healing, but feels stuck. I wish you health out there and I do appreciate that you have shared as it takes a lot to expose yourself for sure. Kudos.

      • savorydish said

        My reasons have never been altruistic. I was merely pointing out that if you are not getting anything out of this you are free to go. But there are those who are getting something out of this. And together, we are collectively supporting each other. So while your opinion is noted, it is not shared.

      • naples104 said

        Felix, the only people that comment on here and claim the “victim” are the borderlines and narcissists. Those that have been harmed by them, I have never seen claim victim status. We share because of the pain and it helps us purge the toxic relationship and gain strength from the experiences of others. We blame ourselves first, something the psycho’s never do.

    • savorydish said

      Ps I have a friend who I recently convinced to attend ACOA meetings. Many more have written blog posts and books about the topic. Would you accuse them of dispensing toxic ooze?

  5. Marie said

    SD,
    Keep on writing. You have helped countless people and will help countless more. Thank you again for all the sharing you do. You already know “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”. You have the right to date whomever you choose.
    I have come to believe there are less 100% mentally healthy people (of both genders) out there than I originally thought. Some people have big issues and others small ones. Almost everyone has “something”. Having said that I believe in treating people with dignity and respect no matter who or what they are. Everyone needs to be loved by their partner. If someone can’t demonstrate that love and treat someone with dignity and respect then that person (as my ex with BPD’s parents said) should be alone where they can’t hurt anybody.
    Only a BPD can understand and love another BPD….that’s what I learned from observing (and in later years analyzing) my parents.
    Ellen is still waiting…or am I going to help you write a book first?
    Hugs,
    Marie

  6. chump said

    SD…..all of this shall not shame stuff is a different manifestation of gaslighting. They hate to be judged while judging everyone else. Can’t help it as it is a cover for will not address it. Rabid animals can’t help it either. That being said are you ready to accept one as a “rescue animal”?

    My crazy was aware of her transgressions. She could speak of it in a lucid moment but fell back on the “could not help it” defense when caught. I have scraped most of her shiat of my boots now and take a hard look at the path to be sure I never step into it again.

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