A Pleasant Exchange

August 22, 2015

I had a pleasant exchange with one of my exes today. No, not one of the crazy ones. Pikro would have you believe all my relationships were toxic. But that simply isn’t true.  I still keep in touch with a couple. This particular one is married with kids now and I couldn’t be happier for her. I met her when I was in a long distance relationship with Andrea Rae. Unfortunately, I chose the wrong woman. I chose the one with man-hating issues.

But I have no regrets. I’m glad she is happily married. I don’t know if I could have offered her that (at the time). And I let her go because I knew that. Because she was such a decent person, I wanted her to be with someone who could give her all that she wanted. It was the most unselfish thing I’ve ever done. We drifted apart but she would continue to call me to see how I was doing.

Time passed. But one day, I saw her on Facebook and I decided to send her a friend request. There was no hostility, awkwardness or resentment. There was no bizarre accusations or threats of calling the police. She accepted my request and we caught up. It was refreshingly normal and mature. I knew part of her was hurt that I didn’t feel the same way about her as she did about me. But she didn’t hold that grudge against me.

There was no drama about who broke up with whom. There was no absurd suggestions that I was having a hard time letting go or trying to get her back. I was reaching out to someone I shared intimacy with. And she was happy to share her life with me again. We may not be the best of friends, but she remains friendly. Every now and then, she comments on my posts and vice versa.

I wish I could have this ending for all my relationships. But not all the women I dated were as normal as this one. Although, she was not without her own issues. She was one of the first to admit to me that her father was an alcoholic. You could tell it affected her negatively, but somehow she got her shit together. She became a better person. We shared an interest in self-improvement books and I could see that she had done the hard work it takes to get to where she is.

Despite her past, she was not a man-hater and that is why she is happily married. That is why we stayed friends. 

2 Responses to “A Pleasant Exchange”

  1. Simon said

    Again a wonderful post by Savoury Dish.I have experienced this twice with 2 exes who I strongly suspect had a Cluster B Personality Disorder.Whereas with other exes of mine, I managed to stay on friendly terms with boundaries once we had discussed the reasons for our breakup in a mature , caring and concerning way, with my personality disordered exes, they either played out the Ghosting routine to a tee…or if I did contact them to clear the air and try to have a healthy closure, all I got in return was threats to call the police, to go to my work and report me, and lots of accusations that I was mad and mentally ill.Its only now that I can see things for what they really were…away from the gaslighting, denial,projection, splitting etc…2 very damaged women who I suspect will repeat their behaviour with other men over and over again.Until society gets a grip with mental health problems ; and specifically High Functioning Cluster B Personality Disordered people things will never ever change…..One only has to look at the shocking events in Virginia today to see the catastrophic effect on individuals and society when mental health problems are not dealt with.Please keep posting Savoury Dish.

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