Attention-Seekers Revisited

June 9, 2015

Man-Haters are almost always attention-seekers. This may include behavior as benign as obsessing about their appearance, bragging about all the places they’ve traveled, or flirting with everyone and anyone. But it can be as alarming as false-accusations and split-personalities. It can be as public as posing as a high-profile feminist activist. Or it can be as private as texting you at all hours just to check up on you. They seek attention because it soothes their low self-esteem and fears of abandonment. 

If you don’t give them 110% of your attention, they use that as an excuse to demonize you.They will go so far as accusing you of emotional abuse, then they will block your number and run away. The more melodrama, the better for this drama queen. Let this be a clear indication of how severe their pathologly can be. 

To most of the population, they can appear to be somewhat normal. Intimacy changes all that. It is the trigger that brings out the devil and the pitchfork. She will stab you over and over again in the back until you know how much pain she feels. This is more than just a case of narcissism. This is someone who punishes people for perceived rejection and then pretends she is rejecting you. 

The same woman who demanded all your attention, will suddenly accuse you of stalking her or worse. This 180 behavior seems crazy because it is. Literally. But it is so common amongst this type of femme fatale. A woman who feels this low intends to drag you down with her. Making accusations like this makes her feel special while distancing herself from you. Playing the victim is textbook attention-seeking behavior, the trademark of a damaged soul.

Below is an old post on this topic:

10 Responses to “Attention-Seekers Revisited”

  1. wiser1958 said

    Hi SD. Does the false restraining order in my story fit into the category of attention seeking by my ex?

    • savorydish said

      That probably has more to do with splitting and a deep-seated fear of men. There’s a good chance she’s been repeatedly victimized or witnessed domestic abuse as a child.

  2. chump said

    Nailed it again boss.

  3. P. said

    As is often the case, your observations/experiences (and those of others) resonate with my own. It is sad that so many people experience BPD and there are so many victims. My relationship lasted almost 6 years. The first two were so wonderful (only a couple “upsets” that, looking back, were early warning signs). I can honestly say she was the love of my life (I now know her claims of the same were hollow). It was only after I was hooked, told her I loved her, that the demonizing began (my feelings were there from the beginning, but I was trying to be careful for both of us that it was not simply a rebound from my divorce – she proclaimed her love for me within the first two weeks). I ended it several times, but was always pulled back into the relationship. As my counselor said, I was fully aware of the abuse, lies, and infidelity when I was not around her, but suspended what I knew to be true when I was around her (believed what she told me). As with all of us in this position, there are many, many stories. It ended badly two months ago with her assaulting me then filing an Order of Protection (lying in court and being believed by the judge) … three weeks after the hearing, in which the judge believed every word she uttered and would not hear me or allow me to submit material, he granted the order. Life has been hell. She has since texted me three times, followed me on two occasions (we live in a small town) and, today, went out of her way to follow me as I was finishing a bike ride, honked and waved as she passed me, turned around on a no outlet street and waited for me to ride past. She has done this sort of thing when I have ended it before, but now the stakes are high in that she has a signed Order of Protection. I feel like I am being baited. The pathetic thing is, after all she has done to me in the past four years (lied, cheated, accused, false claims, conned me for about $30,000) I still have a spot in my heart for her. I beginning to wonder which of us is more messed up.

  4. chump said

    Hey SD……WE MISS YOU!

  5. chump said

    It is good to be busy with work. I have been swamped myself. Best therapy after crazyland is to get the job you dreamed of and move to a new environment.

    • savorydish said

      Agreed. It’s good to talk about this stuff. But it’s also good to take a break from it. There’s a fine line between awareness and letting it consume your life.

      • chump said

        Roger that. The new job keeps my focus elsewhere. I don’t have time to think about crazy now……and too far away to hunt down.

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