Shit Borderlines Do

May 19, 2015

8 Responses to “Shit Borderlines Do”

  1. jhan1969 said

    “I often “bait” people in order to start a conflict.”

    This was a HUGE one with my BPD ex. She could start a fight or a knock-down, drag out argument with someone she just met two minutes ago.

    It was all about the ‘need to feed’ off someone else’s emotional energy. Emotional Vampirism.

  2. jimsc said

    Oh this posting us spot on

  3. OC said

    One of the most interesting things to me that I rarely see discussed and want to do more research on is the “dissociation” and “depersonalization.” The way one of my former partners, who I have spoken about in these comments at some length, described it was that she essentially, at times, felt like an object rather than a human being.
    Something I’ve noticed about this perspective is that by not viewing yourself as a complete person you are entirely unaware of the way your actions and behaviors affect others.
    I further propose that this leads to the feedback loop that causes people to feel so hurt and abandoned, which is to say that it seems like an unprovoked attack when someone gets upset with the BPD sufferer for their unacceptable behavior, rather than a response to their actions in the first place.

    Has anyone else experienced or noticed this with BPD sufferers in their lives? I’d like to write more about it but if I experienced just a one-off thing I don’t know how much I can explore this.

    • savorydish said

      I’ve definitely experienced this. I’ve never heard of a BP describe themselves as an object But I can certainly understand why it happens. Emotional detachment numbs them to pain. But it is the same mechanism that allows them to cause others pain without feeling remorse or know why the other person is hurting.

    • chump said

      I finally realized that mine was acutely aware of the hurt she caused. Depending on mood she either just did not care or more frequently thrived on the drama.

      BTW…..always do a background check on someone that just feels off to you. I found several restraining orders in both directions. One where she inflicted damage on herself to make evidence.

  4. bloodless said

    “I often “bait” people in order to start a conflict.”

    Once I started noticing the appetite for this, and started watching myself set it up, it stopped being satisfying. I would go through all that looking as sane as possible with an odd feeling of expectation of victimization and yet a distanced sense of Machiavellianism. Without the “payoff” of victimization or self-righteous indignation and rage was left HUNGERING, though I couldn’t say what for.

    I’d cut myself after maneuvering people to “hurt” me expecting release but all I got was blood and that sick need that wouldn’t go away.

    Last time I felt like that it kept pounding in my head… but I refused to let myself think about the people in my life as antagonistic, which usually happens against my will and won’t go away. This appetite kept me up through 600mg of Seroquel. I…bought myself some candy and slowly ate it, enjoying it as I did when I was a child.

    Then I was better?

    The dissociation and emotional detachment sucks. When it’s at a ‘normal bad’ level I’m in a lifeless world, I look at things that should cause emotion and instead I remember something sort of like I should feel. When I pay to much attention to it I become more aware of the diversion of my awareness from the world and myself and suddey I am in pain. Being too comfortable or feeling safe can cause exquisite pain.

    I just want to be held. I just want to be loved.

    But I AM loved. The constructs that would have me unable to see this and to seek greater certainty of being loved… only understand conditional love and it requires increasingly onerous proofs, only feels comfortable being loved if it feels in control and traps me in a reality were it’s ways are the only ways that can possibly work.

    How easily I can feel wronged when I’m not dissociated from my needs and how necessary it can feel to act rashly is maddening. Self-righteous indignant anger, irritability or rage. I MUST act!

    And in captivity, as on a psych ward, I can go a kind of crazy I hadn’t seen from myself till then. I feel like a giddy, evil child and I can’t stop provoking the nurses. I… will always treasure those memories. Last time I visited a friend on the ward those nurses seemed to have had a sense of humor about my antics, no harm no foul I guess.

    I also managed to stop breaking hearts when I’m in love! It’s anyways nice to refrain from scarring ones own soul in a vain effort to put ones own shattered understanding of love into someone else so that the one you want won’t treat you like you fear they will. It…doesn’t work very well anyway.

  5. Besides the DSM checklist, I’ve also found Joe Navarro’s checklist to be very useful:

    http://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-How-Spot-ebook/dp/B00BGTR0IE
    “…Based on former FBI Special Agent Joe Navarro’s experience as a criminal profiler and behavior specialist, “Borderline Personality Disorder How to Spot it – A Checklist”, provides the average person the tools necessary for identifying and assessing individuals who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.

    This short practical guide and checklist includes the 100 behaviors that are closely associated with this prevalent disorder. It is easy to use and intended for the average layperson: you truly don’t have to be a psychiatrist to use this.

    This short booklet will give you insight into this disorder by examining behaviors that may not be recognizable to you at first but have proven over time to be part of the Borderline Personality Disorder. Practical, fast, easy to read and simple to understand, this guide sheds light on a disorder that afflicts many with serious consequences for the rest of us….”

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