May 26, 2015
Comparison of BPD (borderline personality disorder) with ACOA (adult children of alcoholics)
The following statements taken from the following 3 books shows the similarities between BPD and ACOA.
Children of Alcoholism, A Survivor’s Manual by Judith S. Seizes and Geraldine Youcha, Crown Publishers, NY 1985 AC
Borderline Personality Disorders, the Concept, the Syndrome and the patient by Peter Hartocollis, MD, Ph.D.; International Universities Press, Inc. 1977 PH
Borderline Personality Disorder by Dr. John G. Gunderson, American Psychiatric Press JG
AC pg. 60: There are three kinds of control involved: the control other people have over them; the control they have over people and events; and the control they exert over their own bodies and minds.
JG pg. 88: …these acts are used to sustain a belief in the ability to exert omnipotent control over an object as well as to prevent the consequences of object loss.
AC pg. 80 Any switch – a rained out picnic or a canceled appointment … will bring on hours of internal despair because these events are experienced as reenactments of scenes from a helpless childhood.
JG pg. 80: Borderline patients had much more separation, abandonment anxiety, object hunger and intolerant responses to feeling needy or angry.
AC pg. 49: …sexual identity problems…and may become an overeater.
JG pg. 9: Sexual deviance is highly related to impulsivity…
AC pg. 80: …confuse physical contact or sexual involvement with emotional warmth. They therefore become promiscuous, but with little satisfaction from the sexual wanderings.
I see this apparent more in Histrionic Personality Disorder, but histrionic 65% of Histrionic is BPD
AC pg. 63: … to see the world and the people in it fairy-tale fashion as all good or all bad.
JG pg. 179: The polarizations (good/bad, all/nothing, now/never) within borderline patients repeatedly evoke polarized responses from their environment.
AC pg. 79: It does seem to be extraordinary for children of alcoholics to make long-term commitments, marriage included.
JG pg. 4: Devaluation, manipulation, dependency and masochism characterize and cause the intensity and instability of interpersonal relationships.
AC: Wish for closeness, yet fear it.
JG pg. 33: Two major organization and sustaining beliefs are: “Should I want more from you, or should I be angry at you, you will leave: and if I’m compliant, something will be given to me that will make me invulnerable and less destructive.”
Behind these conscious beliefs are concerns with the destructiveness of their own aggressive wishes to find a powerful protector. In any event, the basic tension between wanting more from the object and fearing that less will be received accounts for the sustained dysphoric characteristic of borderline functioning.
DEPENDENCE ON OTHERS
AC pg. 80: there are those who can’t tolerate being alone and therefore cling to friends, relatives, and just about anyone who happens to be around.
JG pg. 8: Borderline persons tend to be compulsively social because their sense of their own coherence and value depends on the presence of others.
JG pg. 97: …desperate to find someone, anyone, to “hold onto,” someone to feel in control of…
JG pg. 36: …is evident in the need to have people around — even if without any evident emotional contact, in using radio and television as hypnotics, or in heavy use of transitional objects.
DISSOCIATION – ANGER – DEPRESSION
AC pg. 170: …feelings of depression, uncontrollable anger, and incapacitating fears of disorientation.
JG pg. 9: In general, the occurrence of any mild or brief ego-dystonic psychotic-like experiences in the absence of severe, widespread psychotic symptoms at any time in the patient’s past life is a strong indicator for the borderline diagnosis.
JG pg. 3: …four characteristics identify what they called the “borderline syndrome.” These were (a) failures in self-identity, (b) anaclitic relationships, (c) a type of depression based on loneliness, and (d) the predominance of expressed anger.
JG pg. 86: …the depressions of borderline patients differed from other patients with depression by their impulses to hurt themselves.
JG pg. 16: Probably the most common form of affective disorder found in borderline patients is unipolar nonmelancholic depression.
JG pg. 103: …manipulative behaviors are often indirect expressions of anger…
LOW SELF ESTEEM
AC Have a low opinion of yourself
PH: They feel low, inadequate, or wrong.
AC pg. 49: …most likely to kill himself, either accidentally or on purpose.
AC pg. 169: “Most people, when their car breaks down on the highway, either get out and fix it or call a mechanic. When my car had a flat tire, I called the suicide hot line.”
JG pg. 85: …suicide gestures emerge as one of the major discriminating characteristics of borderline patients…
JG pg. 86: Almost all the patients were involved in suicide threats, overdosing or self-mutilation.
FEAR OF EXPOSURE
AC: deny or suppress feelings
AC: feel unnecessarily embarrasses and ashamed
JG pg. 169: …may cling to a pharmacotherapist because of a fearful reluctance to open their personal and interpersonal lives up for review.
May 22, 2015
The Mattress Queen keeps making an appearance on my Facebook feed. The mainstream media and the Sisters of Outrage love to spread accusations of rape, even ones that have been proven bogus.
Stephanie Hallett of Ms. Magazine hailed Emma Sulkowicz as a brave heroine and one of the greatest things to happen to feminists in 2014. Sulkowicz made herself famous by claiming she was raped. And then made herself even more famous by hauling a mattress around campus, publicly shaming a fellow feminist for allegedly raping her.
Despite there being no evidence of rape and lots of evidence that Emma was a jilted lover seeking payback, the Stephanie Halletts of the world still maintain that Sulkowicz is a model citizen and have made no effort to apologize to her falsely-accused/publicly-shamed victim.
Another feminist blogger at New York Magazine is outraged because the president of Columbia University wouldn’t shake hands with Emma. Perhaps, he was afraid that she would accuse him of raping her hand?
I’ll be honest, I didn’t follow the story all that much. Even though it was shoved in my face by the media. I only started to write about these stories, because of my BPD-ex. I am fascinated only because I want to understand why it became the focal point of her whole life. I have since learned that false accusations are normal for the abnormal- that 1% of the female population that loves to tell stories of rape, incest and boogie men.
I have also learned that many of these women experienced sexual abuse in their childhood. It is those memories that cause dissociation, lapse of good judgement and false accusations. Triggered memories of childhood abuse can cause the person to misinterpret events, especially if they involve intense emotions.
Stephanie Hallett has made a career out of praising troubled women through the lens of victimhood. She has yet to write any articles about mental illness. And that puzzles me. How can you write about women who show signs of emotional instability, the kind that makes you accuse a man of rape when he rejects you, and not write about the cause of such troubling behavior?
Those who don’t understand why a woman would falsely accuse a man of rape, don’t understand the nature of mental illness. They don’t understand BPD and the pain that comes with rejection. They don’t understand that rejection makes them do crazy things like accuse you of rape or anything else that might cast them as the victim. Imagine feeling so much pain (from rejection) that the only way you can describe it is by telling people that you were anally raped.
Fortunately, I’ve never had such accusations hurled at me. Lord knows I’ve been with women who were crazy enough to make such accusations. But I do know what it feels like to have a former lover turn 180 on you for inexplicable reasons. I know what it feels like to go from the love of their life to public enemy number one. I have had troubled women accuse me of abuse because how dare I accuse them of having mental issues?
On some level, I think the Mattress Queen believes she was raped. Troubled women believe their own delusions. They believe the world is out to get them. Had the accused been just another one night stand (one of many), he might have escaped Emma’s wrath. But he made the mistake of getting emotionally involved with an emotionally unstable woman.
He was lured by sex, but didn’t realize that these women use it as a tool to punish men. Their ambivalent feelings about sex are the result of childhood trauma. It has left them with an insatiable appetite for sex, but also an insatiable appetite for destroying that which they desire.
You should never judge a book by its cover. Even if that book has purple/blue hair or whatever look is fashionable with the identity-disturbance crowd these days. But you should always look beyond the carefully-fashioned image that is created by people who love attention just a little too much. People who carry mattresses are also carrying emotional baggage. If you look closely you can see it. It is plain as day.
People who praise people who carry mattresses are also carrying emotional baggage. They are carrying the burden of proof. They are constantly re-writing the narrative to bring legitamcy to their tales of victimhood. Unfortunately, women like Stephanie Hallett keep cherry-picking stories of victimization that later turn out to be false. So instead of lending credence to her own narrative, it only serves to create doubt.
Borderline women use the law as a weapon and they use their womanhood as a shield. But the law is onto them. Cases like this are often thrown out because of a lack of evidence and a history of attention-seeking/chaos manufacturing.
These women are out to prove that all men are pigs, and then can’t fathom why they are constantly being rejected. They offer men the promise of wild sex and can’t figure out why men use them for sex. They run away from good men and can’t figure out why they end up with the male version of themselves. Stephanie Hallett can’t figure out why the only publication that will employ her is one that doesn’t insist on fact-checking or doesn’t frown upon pseudo-journalism. And Emma Sulkowicz is left wondering, “Why, oh why won’t the president of the prestigious university shake my hand???”
Despite being cleared of wrongdoing, this poor guy’s reputation is tarnished for life. His name smeared across national headlines. He may even re-think his position on feminism. “Feminists” like Emma Sulkowicz and Stephanie Hallett will go on blindly lashing out at MANkind, because they aren’t really fighting for women’s rights. They are fighting inner demons… fighting a past they can not accept.
I know what it’s like to suddenly realize the woman you’re with is batshit crazy. And in that moment, she too will realize that you know too much. She may even sense your justifiable concern and interpret it as rejection. She may even pretend she is rejecting your advances in retaliation. If she feels reallly hurt, she will go so far as to find a way to dehumanize you… portray you as a predator. She will do everything except address her own issues or accept responsibility for her illness.
It is much easier to paint a picture of victimization… paint you as the devil. This is about her victimhood. Not yours. Feminists like Stephanie Hallett never write about falsely-accused men, even ones who are feminists themselves. To write about a man’s victimhood would reveal too much about their disease and that would defeat the purpose of the dog and pony show.