Here We Go Again
February 3, 2015
I recently started dating again. I’ve been pouring myself into work for the last year. So I needed a break and I was longing for female companionship again. The woman I started dating is the kind of woman that walks into a room and every guy literally turns around. So how could I resist asking her out?
I did have some apprehensions though. As beautiful as she is, something about her triggers my “femme fatale” alarm. Maybe because something feels too familiar. Our exchanges are way too comfortable. For normal people, that’s a good thing. But for someone like me, that means I am treading down the same path.
Sure enough, an hour into our conversation, she tells me about her abusive relationships, a pattern that began when she witnessed her father abuse her mother. Here we go again.
She says she has been in therapy, but I can tell the damage has been done. And anybody who has read this blog knows how it ALWAYS ends. I am beginning to think that I am doomed to meet the same woman over and over again.
Like so many of my exes, she ran away to the big city to escape a past she will never escape. She has traveled to the farthest reaches of the world, hoping to find herself. She is smart, sensitive and loves to cuddle. She is likable in so many ways.
But the loose thread is there. I can see it so clearly, because I have learned how to look for it. And I know that all I have to do is pull it and everything will fall apart.
I will be surprised if this lasts. I’m already picking up on the fear of intimacy. I can tell her head is spinning. She has that runaway instinct that I am so familiar with. She does that thing where she acts distant after we exchange tender affection. The push-pull has already begun.