The Secret Hatred of Men

January 25, 2015

I knew my borderline ex’s marriage was in trouble when she gave up blogging about weddings and went back to blogging about rape.

This represents the two personalities that occupy one woman. She is both a hopeless romantic who dreams of being happily married, but she is also a woman who harbors immeasurable rage towards men, all men.

She would never admit that she hates men. None of the troubled women I’ve known would. But every once in a while, they say things like “all men are pigs!” (the battle cry of perpetually angry women). Or they tell sob stories of fathers who were less than perfect, much less.

These aren’t your everyday daddy issues. They are the kind of stories that are hard to believe when you first hear them. Do families like this really exist? Can a family be so dysfunctional as to fill a person with infinite hatred towards the opposite sex?

When my BPD ex got her first job blogging for a feminist magazine, she couldn’t understand why I wasn’t more excited for her. I was supportive of many things in her life and I had always prided myself in being a supporter of feminists. That is, until I dated one.

My less than enthusiastic response was due to my fear that I was in a relationship with another Man Hater. Feminists, like her, will tell you that “misandry” is a made-up word, while accusing every man of being a “misogynist”.

Ironically, Man Haters cannot live without men. My BPD-ex goes through men like a womanizer goes through women. She uses men to fill a void that can’t be filled. She tosses men aside as easily as she uses them. Man Haters are unapologetic users of men.

My BPD ex isn’t a feminist. She is posing as one. She has abused women as well as men. Women, like my BPD-ex, become feminists because it legitimizes their hatred of men. In feminism, my BPD-ex found other angry women who would enable and excuse her rage. They would support her cries of victimhood.

My ACOA-ex has the same issues of self-imposed victimhood. She was always afraid that I would leave her for another woman. But she was projecting her own fear of intimacy. In the end, like so many before her did, she was the one who abandoned the relationship because the fear of rejection was too much for her. Her crippling insecurity got the best of her.

It is no coincidence that all her female friends struggle with intimacy. They share the same rage against men. Birds of a feather flock together. She often critiques her female buddies on their failures, but fails to see her own flaws. Her lack of self-awareness is her biggest flaw.

She assumes every man is a cheater and, at the same time, befriends swingers. She has so little self-awareness, she is unable to see her own hypocrisy. I actually had to point out the fact that her friends were swingers, not just artsy Burning Man-types. At first, she denied it (surprise, surprise). But eventually she could no longer deny the obvious.

Man Haters are overcome with the fear that they will be replaced by a younger/prettier woman. It never occurs to them, that they are pushing lovers away with their hidden rage.

Their denial of that rage keeps men at a safe distance. And the projection of their rage onto men makes any sensible man think twice about his relationship with a rage-filled woman.

Their relationships are stormy because every man reminds them of dear old dad. Because intimacy brings out their darkest side, the one that they keep under lock and key.

Man Haters are control freaks. That is how they contain their fears. Ironic, because they fear being controlled. They suffer paranoid-delusions that men are out to control them… worse yet, screw them over.

Man Haters are escape artists. They run from perceived danger- the threat of abandonment. They jump from one relationship to another. They move to the other side of the country. They change their identity.

My ACOA-ex ran away from home to “join the circus”. She prided herself on having a gypsy heart.To her, that meant working in the TV/Film industry and going to Burning Man. This was her escape from reality and self-examination. She would journey to far off lands to distract herself from the demons within.

My BPD-ex went back to writing about rape, because that is who she is… who she will always be. That is the lens through which she views all men. Whether it happened in college, or at an age she doesn’t care to remember, is inconsequential. The net effect is the same. The way she treats men is a result of that dark history.

She could not pretend to be happily married forever. Even the greatest actress must break character every now and then. She was merely playing a part that never fit her.

Unless she commits herself to honesty and treatment, she will continue treating men badly. Her unapologetic ways will ensure that her life will be lonely and filled with misery… and rejection. A woman who hates men as much as she claims men hate women is a hypocrite. She can not see that she is her worst enemy.

4 Responses to “The Secret Hatred of Men”

  1. “…When my BPD ex got her first job blogging for a feminist magazine, she couldn’t understand why I wasn’t more excited for her. I was supportive of many things in her life and I had always prided myself in being a supporter of feminists. That is, until I dated one….”

    Yes, indeed. It doesn’t take long to realize what tarantulas these types of women are until you get mentally and emotionally bitten by one.

    I wonder what she would say about people like Christina Hoff Sommers . Especially this:

  2. For those that have had a similar history in attracting borderlines and others that fall into the “Cluster B” category of the personality disordered as defined by the DSM-IV-TR, Shari Schreiber and her articles may be helpful to you: http://gettinbetter.com/articles.html . You may, after reading and comprehending her articles, stop attracting borderlines, histrionics and similar types. It doesn’t necessarily take long term therapy to absolve oneself of the “lather, rinse, repeat” that occurs in one’s attraction to histrionics, borderlines and bipolars, but an understanding of yourself that allows you to attract mutual and reciprocal relationships with healthy people.

    Some guys actually need to talk to someone: Shari can do that, too. If not her, Tara Palmatier of Shrink 4 Men would be a great second choice.

    What a beautiful day it is when you can see the same old relationship pattern about to repeat itself and to simply put up your hand and say: “no thanks.” 🙂 Even more beautiful is the day when you become content with the stability and effortlessness that occurs in a mutual, reciprocal, nurturing relationship with a healthy woman.

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