Like a Child

December 30, 2014

My ACOA ex often told me about her little niece. A little girl who could be sweet and cuddly but also very temperamental. She said that her niece couldn’t stand criticism and took it very personally.

Her niece would lash out at you if you made her mad because she thought you were trying to hurt her. I laughed and said, “hmmm, sounds like someone I know.” My ACOA ex did not like that at all. But that only made me laugh harder. She knew I was right.

The mind of an emotionally unstable person is like the mind of a child. If you leave that person for a week to go on a business trip, they flip out and assume you are abandoning them.

Then they find a way to punish you, usually in a passive-aggressive manner. Sometimes that means sleeping with a rando guy and “letting it slip out” that they’re sleeping with another guy. This is the mind of someone who has suffered arrested development- the mind of a child.

My ACOA ex could be adorable when she wanted to be. She looked at the world like a child seeing the world for the first time. Especially, trees. She loved trees. Whenever I hugged her, she would fold her arms up under mine and look up at me.

That child-like quality was her most endearing quality. There was an innocence to that. But she could also be a spoiled brat. She loved my attention and lashed out at me if I did not give all of it. She would block my number and tell me never to contact her, like a pouting child slamming the door of her bedroom.

This was normal to her. She expected me to be ok with this. I was not. So she found someone else, hoping he would be ok with it. This is the mind of a child.

7 Responses to “Like a Child”

  1. Robert said

    Nicely written! There is not enough time in life for childish games. We have to suck up the pain, and get back up to find the many normal women out there that will seriously share our life together without the unnecessary pain, but will help soothe the many pains that life throws our way!

    Bob

  2. hogancoconut said

    Savory,
    Your site helped me get over a bad one 3 years ago. My advice to you would be to de-emphasize dating and relationships for a while. A year or more. Focus on work, friends, working out and being in awesome shape, a hobby and more. De prioritize being in a relationship. It will clear your head, and you will be happier. It did wonders for me and I’m super healthy now.

    Don’t have expectations that there are all these wonderful women out there – there aren’t. It’s not like the college days where we would see a pretty girl in the dorm and ask her out. The reality is, as adults, most of the great women are already taken and their husbands are smart enough to know they have a great situation.

    What’s left are women…
    1 With Personality disorders.
    2 Who view guys as a commodity.
    3 Who want an 80/20 relationship where the guy is like a servant.
    4 Who love Drama and exaggeration, and try to push men’s buttons with it.

    Social Media has made all of this even worse because any aberrant behavior is now celebrated on some Facebook site, and women are now LOOKING for guys who put up with it. It’s part of the emasculation of so many weak guys in America today.

    You are a good man who doesn’t put up with crap and drama. That’s why its been so hard for you. Congrats for not caving like so many weak guys do and sticking to your principles. This isn’t being negative, it’s reality – the good ones are taken and 90% of the women you meet out there will be trouble for guys like us.

    • savorydish said

      Thank you for your concern and your supportive words, Hogan. But I’m fine. I am busy with work, though not by choice. As I said before, with each failed relationship, I get better at picking myself up. There are times when I miss her, but I’m fine with being my own man. I was never really a relationship kind of guy anyways. When I met all my exes I was happy being a bachelor. That is a testament to how good they are at reeling people in. Happy New Year to us all.

    • savorydish said

      By the way, you are spot on with your observation of available women. I was laughing as I read them. Sadly, maybe that’s why I put up with so much. Because I know how slim my choices are. And because I know I’m not perfect either.

      • OC said

        Yup. Social media sure has done wonders for the attention-seeking facets of BPs to really flourish. Now they can publicly demolish their interpersonal relationships as well as privately!

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