Bad Therapists

April 15, 2014

It never fails. I finally get someone to go seek therapy and they spend the whole time complaining about me.

My borderline ex… the one who claims she cut her wrists, claims she was sexually molested, claims she was raped… went to a therapist after I threatened to leave her. And after three sessions, she claims she had all the tools necessary to deal with life. A lifetime of trauma cured in three sessions. It’s a miracle.

Oh, but my latest ex has her beat. She went to ONE session and she has finally figured out that I was the problem all along. She and her therapist have agreed that my attempts to get her to seek help is my way of asserting control over her.

She told the therapist that I have a bad temper. But of course failed to mention her own. Yes, I threw her bags out. After she went on another verbally abusive rant. Funny how she never mentioned that to her therapist.

Nor did she mention her obsessive-compulsive need to play the victim and bait me into battle. Whenever she picks a fight with me, somehow she always ends up playing the poor defenseless victim and I am cast as the terrible bully.

This is their MO. Their disease. They pick fights so they can play the victim. They are addicted to victimhood. Silent abusers play this game all the time. Then they recruit proxies and enablers to back them up. They even manage to manipulate therapists.

This is why many therapists refuse to treat BPD. These therapists know the game. They know about the manipulations. But not every therapist is wise to those games.

Somehow troubled women are very good at finding that ONE therapist who will take their side and give them permission to play the victim. Empower them to play the victim.

There are bad parents. There are bad girlfriends. It makes sense that there are bad therapists. Thanks to bad therapists, troubled women never have to take responsibility for their behavior.

They have learned that if they put the focus on you, they never have to worry about self-examination. Do they go to a therapist to talk about their alcoholic and adulterous father? Or the relative who sexually abused them? Nope.

According to their therapist, telling them they need help is worse than all those crimes put together.

17 Responses to “Bad Therapists”

  1. ArmyChic said

    Yup. Thinking of quitting school entirely. The therapist I’ve encountered have done more harm than good to their patients. I’m begining to think therapy is bullshit.

    • savorydish said

      Interesting perspective. I don’t think all therapists are bad. I just think some are ill prepared for patients who are this good at manipulating people. You wouldn’t go to your family doctor to get a heart transplant. But yet so many people with BPD go to see any cut-rate shrink and then call it a day. That alone makes me suspicious.

      • ArmyChic said

        Beautiful analogy! It could also be the area in which I live. Most therapists want to invoke religion in treatment and have a complete misunderstanding of psychopathy. It’s getting harder to bite my tongue in clinicals. And of course, the terrible ones are easier to remember. There is one neuropsychiatrist I work with occasionally and she is brilliant.

    • savorydish said

      I think there are therapists who tell patients what they want to hear. The good ones tell them what they don’t want to hear.

  2. Jhan1969 said

    Most therapists are morons and/or hippie rejects. Most of them are also lliberals, which gives them a bent towards moral relativism. You know, the ‘non judgmental’ types? COMPLETE MORONS. They all come from a Marxist Critical Theory background, vis a vis their university ‘educations.’

    Not meaning to start an ideological argument, I’m just saying; a therapist who is NOT in thrall to lefty critical theory and/or moral relativism is far more likely to cut the bullshit and call a spade a spade.

    • savorydish said

      I can verify all of that. My BPD ex specifically looked for a therapist who had a feminist perspective. IOW she wanted someone who would believe her stories of victimization and not judge her irrational behavior. As you said she found a hippie therapist. Birkenstocks and I imagine lots of patchouli oil. I am not ready to condemn the whole mental health profession. But there are a lot of crackpots out there. Buyer beware.

    • ArmyChic said

      I don’t think I’d know Marxist ideology if it bit me on my ass. I don’t know that I’m “liberal,” but I do know I don’t suffer manipulators well.

  3. LOL and trust me buddy I’m not laughing at you but totally with you. With that part about you more recent ex, Hell you should’ve thrown her ass out and if she comes back throw her clown ass out again. These sad puppies never get it @SavoryDish Its all ways something else or someone else’s fault. Damn lying lyiars!!!!

    • A hippie therapist, oh yeah I but up in that office it was Woodstock all over again, even the new hippters are like this as well, watch out for them too!!!

      Hippters are full of NPD and BPD

  4. chump said

    Many therapists specializing in the personality disordered are themselves disordered……this causes them to present as an “expert”. You want therapy? Buy a motorcycle or go fishing.

  5. toughmat said

    I can understand and have experienced what youre all saying, but I have also met great therapists. I went with my ex to her therapist whom she still sees and I actually like her a lot. She helped me with some great stuff and was honest. She was also pretty straightforward with my ex during our two sessions but was protecting my ex and admitted to really liking her. It seemed as though she didnt want to hurt my exe’s feelings or startle her. She also admitted to me privately that she was similar to my ex in the beginning of her marriage and kind of related to my ex in a way. Through therapy and her own healing she probably decided she likes it and wants to help others. I dont see the harm in that and no one is perfect. Savory Dish is helping us and he is admittedly still sorting out his own issues (albeit much improved) with bpds. Anyone who claims psychological perfection is full of shit and lying not only to others but themselves.

    I have seen therapists who are very straightforward and honest when it comes to calling me on my shit and I welcome that. A CBT therapist has helped me immensely with some stuff (dental phobia, anxiety management, and some negative self talk stuff). He and some others that I have seen strike me as very smart people who are passionate about human nature, philosophy, and psychology.

    One of my problems is that I went to therapist after therapist searching for the guru of all gurus to magically fix me. Along the way I met plenty of great therapists and several of the ones mentioned in the comments. The good ones are out there though, and the profession of psychology should not be written off. Viktor Frankl, Carl Jung, Freud, Nietze, Gestalt, Adler, etc. are remarkable minds who were in search of truth.

  6. toughmat said

    In my statement above about searching for a therapist who would be the guru to solve all of my problems, I am taking responsibility for my own issue with seeking for answers and solutions (desperate attempts at relief in any form really) outside of myself. Outside of feeling pain, mourning loss, and doing what is right no matter how hooked i am or convinced I am, that I am. Yes, there are good therapists, and shit therapists. Good doctors of medicine, and shit ones. On and on for every profession. Currently, I believe I have found a very good therapist who i have been with for over a year, but even she has some tendencies that I can say are not optimal for me. Namely, she gets excited sometimes and I get a little anxious about it. Sometimes it feels like she is too accepting when I am hoping to be put in my place. I tend to prefer the calm and strong, tough love approach. But her intelligence is extremely high, she has vast life experience, she admits her flaws, she is damn devoted…and she isnt afraid to break the rules of therapy if she thinks it is worth it. In other words, I am accepting of her and in accepting her, Im accepting me, and the pain, and the fact that no one is coming to save me or fix anything. The bpd ex couldnt, getting back with her wont, a new hot girlfriend wont, a super-therapist wont, and not even this fantastic blog will. I think that is the realization lately. All of those things help, but until I was willing to accept the pain of the situation, and feel it (still a struggle) and take care of myself, Ill never be content or happy. SD has mentioned these things as have other smart readers of this blog, but actually doing it is something else entirely. It took me awhile to even get to the place I am at now, and it still feels like I have light years to go.

    So, Chump (curious about the name choice), to answer your question in case I was not clear- the search was more reflective of my own issues than that of the profession of psychology. Like anyone or anything, there are good and bad apples, and even that will come down to subjectivity, placebo, and who knows what else. I’m grateful that I have met with so many therapist because each one has given me small lessons that I like to think have added up…especially when I hear common threads of advice and opinion from one to the next. The journey of healing and growing never ends, and like Bruce Lee said, “Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own.”

  7. toughmat said

    I was definitely looking for a therapist who gave me permission to stay with my ex. That never really happened that someone supported the relationship. However, they were understanding about why I wanted to stay/go back. So that was my way of searching for someone to validate my dysfunction.

    And thanks for the compliment, but it is a lot easier to type out certain cognitive things Ive learned. The emotional aspect is still extremely challenging.

  8. toughmat said

    I meant it is easy to type out cognitive understanding versus feel and deal with the emotions involved.

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