Living with the Adult Child of an Alcoholic

March 25, 2014

Found this thread on ACOA.
My relationships with ACOAs never lasted longer than a year, but I can relate to the insanity… especially the part about projection and “checking out”.

I Am Living With An Adult Child of An Alcoholic.

The Fog is lifting for all those out there that come from functional healthy family backgrounds but unfortunately got involved with or married an ACOA/Codependent, this is my rollercoaster ride of dysfunction, disease, confusion and pain.

Trying to have a functional relationship with a dysfunctional person is a lesson in insanity. When your spouse has “emotional dyslexia”, it is nearly impossible to make any sense of their choices, behaviors, words and actions.

The projection of all their difficult and negative feelings onto you is distressing to put it mildly. Blaming you for their deep seated issues and attempting to make you responsible for their behaviors is one of the most disturbing traits of ACOA’s.

I have two young children and her systematic and successful “check out” from our relationship and our family has left me, the children, and my extended family the monumental task of picking up the pieces of a broken life.

Her operant conditioning, defense mechanisms, and coping skills led her down a road of betrayal, abandonment, abuse and neglect. That is what she comes from so it should be no surprise.

My family and I tried to show her what a functional healthy genuinely loving family looks, acts, behaves, and speaks like but her arrogant, stubborn, grandiose, haughty ego kept her from learning a thing.

In her mind she thought she was perfect and we were the ones with the problems. Textbook trait of an inability to look within to see the depth of your own pathology.

The post goes on and there are posts by other contributers, so I encourage you to read the entire thread. It always feels good to know that you did not imagine the whole thing.

(Not all of the ACOA relationships I’ve had were bad. Some just didn’t work out. I don’t want to give the impression that all ACOAs are like this.)

One Response to “Living with the Adult Child of an Alcoholic”

  1. savorydish said

    This was a reply to the OP:
    “I am so glad I found this message board. I have been been in a relatioship with an acoa on and off for 10 years. We have been married for 4 of those years… no children thank God and I would never have any with this man. I have always been expected to shoulder the blame and responsibility for the harm caused by his dysfunctional and chaotic family. This part really resonated with me: “Blaming you for their deep seated issues and attempting to make you responsible for their behaviors is one of the most disturbing traits of ACOA’s.”

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