Why This Blog Exists

March 12, 2014

It’s not something I have to explain to people who’ve been through what I’ve been through. These people have shown sincere gratitude for having a place where people appreciate a more rational and scientific explanation for why things go awry in their relationships with traumatized people.

Those who ask why this blog exists are usually the ones fighting tooth and nail to have it shut down. They want to silence this blog because it describes THEM just a little too accurately. THIS makes them uncomfortable. Because when you are a survivor of child abuse, any reminder of that past is DISTURBING.

THEY would have the world ignore their condition (whether you call it BPD, ACOA or C-PTSD). Ignore their condition as THEY jump from one relationship to another with alarming efficiency (Sometimes rushing into marriage). Any body will do as long as it is warm and provides comfort during those long lonely nights.

But whenever a relationship ends in drama and turmoil (because THEY perceive rejection), they want to be able to run for cover. Hide all evidence of their wrongdoing and place ALL the blame on their unsuspecting lovers.

THEY would have you believe that YOU are crazy for pointing out their dysfunction. You have an illness they don’t have a name for. Some call it the TRUTH. And by some, I mean people in the mental health community.

THEY have lots of accusations, but no facts to back it up. Only theories and the support of enablers. Look how much research I’ve provided. THEY have none. Shocking, I know.

THEY hear only what they want to hear. If it doesn’t portray THEM as the victims, THEY’re not interested. THEY assume our facts must be lies and that we have conspired with the medical community to fabricate these lies about the effects of trauma on adult children.

THEY don’t have time to waste on people who don’t buy their bullshit. Not when they are surrounded by people who will condone their behavior and flatter their ego. Even if some are doing it just to get in bed with them.

When THEY are done re-writing history (because they always do), you will be portrayed as the sinister creep and they are always the victim, never the abuser. THIS BLOG reminds THEM that this kind of DEMONIZATION is ABUSE, as is attempts at gaslighting and projection.

This blog reminds them that these abusive acts (while invisible to the untrained eye) can cause long-lasting emotional harm. Chances are they grew up with these acts. So THEY are living proof that such mind games do indeed cause trauma to loved ones.

THEY have magically forgotten all the horrible things they’ve said and done to you. THEY have terrible memory recall when it comes to things that cause them to feel guilt (or god forbid, responsibility). This blog serves as a reminder. How dare we speak of them in a context that is unflattering? How dare we question their victimhood?

Without blogs like this, there is nothing to contradict their wild and imaginative stories. (Except maybe the opinions of psychologists) There is no rational explanation for THEIR madness. There is only fiction created by a mind warped by a lifetime of trauma. Not imagined trauma. Actual trauma.

THEY have no problem telling stories of alcoholic/abusive fathers, childhood rape and other horrific stories. Because THEY want your sympathy. Without your sympathy, they would have no one to manipulate. It is only after they have pulled at your heart-strings can they convince you of things that seem hard to believe.

This blog exists because… THEY exist. Without blogs like this (and the facts that come with it), no one would believe our fantastical stories. But when these stories are told in the context of childhood trauma, then those who read this blog begin to understand why such people exist. They understand why WE are so troubled and why they should be equally troubled.

This is our story. At least, our side of it. Without blogs like this, no one would ever know. They would have to take the word of someone who is so traumatized they don’t know right from wrong, truth from fiction.

THEY are in complete DENIAL. THEY will deny everything you read here. But that is exactly why this blog exists.

99 Responses to “Why This Blog Exists”

  1. Christine said

    Thanks for the very inspiring words! And keep them coming. It is something I never have experienced. My experience was almost unbelievable to me in the beginning. I only understand it was manipulation now. In the beginning I felt so sorry for this person for what happened to him in his childhood. I will say, reading blogs like this one has help me to deal with the manipulation and actually have gotten an apology for things he claimed not to remember in the beginning. It is a shame I had to stop speaking to the person (tuff love lol). The one thing I have learned is to hold on to “my” boundaries. I have found it to be self preservation. Thanks again.

  2. Charlie said

    People are trying to get this blog closed down because you claim you’re providing facts when in fact it’s merely opinion, you use hyperbolic language ‘all’ ‘always’ etc, which is something you just cannot do without concrete proof and it’s something you cannot do as you cannot conclude everything from one breakdown of a relationship. Yes this is a place to vent frustrations and for people to share stories, and they are very unfortunate for falling victim to people (because you seem to forget these are people) who have taken advantage of them.

    You have to think of the key words people type to find this blog, bpd, relationship, he’ll etc, these are people actively seeking a place to share their stories, so just because these stories are provided that does not mean this is evidence that what your saying is factual. People complain because you claim that individuals suffering with bpd are demonic in that they have the intention of hurting and destroying someone and then they run away as soon as they cannot deal with the pressure of a relationship, is this not a slightly demonising view of people in society? People are also complaining because each time they comment and disagree with your ‘knowledge’ you claim they are attention seeking and acting the victim, this is not the case at all, they are merely defending a label you have created yourself.

    You say bpd sufferers disclose information about the past and abuse readily? This seems somewhat of a contradiction to the monster you paint THEM to be (see what I did there with the whole isolation thing) a relationship is based on trust, on being open and vulnerable, if they had traumatic experiences from childhood, would you rather they lie? I honestly believe you have no idea about the personality disorder you assume you know, you have no credentials, no qualification in mental health and no insight into the condition, therefore you lack credibility, this is why people complain, because you seem slightly deluded, if people want to learn about a serious mental condition they should look at the dsm criteria for mental health.

    • savorydish said

      So why not let the reader make up their own mind? Let them read the links I have provided. Let them search for their own answers.
      And then they can see for themselves- who is right? You or me. Better yet, they can get in a relationship with a traumatized person and then they will know if this blog is as inaccurate as you (a traumatized person) say it is.

      As predicted, you have come here to deny everything. That is the nature of denial. So who is wrong?

      • Charlie said

        I’m far from traumatised… So there’s another misconception you have and yet again based on your own Experience which could be fabricated, who knows the truth?
        A person with bpd does not necessarily need to be traumatised to be assed with this condition… You could have PTSD, depression, etc, so basically what you are now insinuating is a mentally healthy person should not get involved with someone with a mental health condition, regardless of what individuals have overcome in order to get help, to get better, to enter an adult relationship and work to maintain it. Your next reply I assume will be something along the lines of ‘see your selfish thinking about everything to do with you’ no, I stated in a comment before hand I can see the pain of others too which, you fail to do so on every occasion.

        Bpd traits are black and white thinking, good or evil, they have childlike characteristics in which I assume an individual cannot converse in a manner in which the other is heard or understood, there opinion is imminent, forgive me for laughing and my dry humour but is this not exactly what you are doing right now?

      • savorydish said

        You didn’t answer one of my questions.

      • Charlie said

        Yeah I’ve noticed you do that alot too.

        What questions would you like answered?

      • savorydish said

        And I agree. BPs can be very childish.

    • Marie said

      Dearest Savory Dish and Charlie,
      Perhaps Savory Dish doesn’t have a degree but I’m sorry to tell you, Charlie, he knows what he is talking about. Thanks to this blog I was able to discover what was wrong with both of my parents. A few years ago I was dating a man who seemed nice in the beginning but began exhibiting behaviour that reminded me of my own mother (black and white thinking, yelling for no reason, while he yelled if I answered I was wrong if I was silent that was still wrong). I happened upon this blog and was able to discover that yes, indeed, my boyfriend at the time as well as both of my parents had BPD. I did other research on the internet about the causes, symptoms etc. Savory Dish, you are always right on the money with your descriptions and advice.
      This blog gave me a name for what was wrong with my loved ones (yes, PEOPLE), helped me to not only get over my boyfriend at the time but resolve childhood issues (now I understand why my dad was drunk all the time after work and my mother told me she hated me every day….also tried to choke me to death with her bare hands) and gave me support that I needed at the time. Since then I have been able to return the favor on this site and support others in their struggles to overcome heartbreak at the hands of PEOPLE who don’t think with their hearts because they don’t even love themselves.
      In any breakup one of the key pieces of advice at the very beginning of the healing process is to think about all the bad qualities of the person you are breaking up with (aka demonize that person). This blog allows people to vent about the BPD people who have broken their hearts, ruined their reputations or other traumatic experiences. In many cases those suffering with BPD put their significant others (and children) through experiences that seem like a movie….experiences that only someone else who has experienced those things (or similar things) will BELIEVE and UNDERSTAND.
      Charlie, if you don’t agree with Savory Dish or the site then simply don’t come here. Darling, Charlie, I think thee protest too much and perhaps you should seek some help yourself….denial is not a good thing.
      Hugs,
      Marie

      • Charlie said

        Dearest Marie, I think it’s fabulous you have the ability to diagnose people simply by reading stories off the Internet, truly fabulous. Especially as it takes medics months even years to discover a true diagnosis of an individual based on their insight, not others, people act out, people do stupid things, not all these people have bpd.

        The point I’m trying to make is not that people are not allowed to vent frustrations and share experiences, merely that savoury dish lumps all individuals in the same catagory, so explain to me how I’m in denial when I face up to any mistake I’ve made in my personal life? I don’t think you have the authority not does anyone, to simply claim anyone that disagrees with the opinions expressed on this site are in denial, it’s a matter of opinion and experience first hand, may I add.

        I hope you seek help and become a better and stronger person from your experience, kindest regards x

      • savorydish said

        Behind the snarkiness and insincerity, Charlie is a frightened child. They only know two responses to fear- fight or flight. As you read her comments, it looks like jumbled thoughts and words.

        That’s because fear short-circuits the cognitive process. She literally can not think straight. She swings in the dark hoping to hit anything and anyone.

        She can only ACT superior because deep down inside she feels only inadequacy. This is what BPD looks like.

      • Charlie said

        I laughed when I read this, take my opinions how you will, if you want to analyse me alongside everyone else you seem to be wasting your time analysing, notice once I haven’t name called…

        I’m far from an immature child, I came on this blog to defend individuals with a mental disorder that you are exiling and grouping together with stereotypical traits you imagine are trade mark signs, sigh, insult me all you like, you don’t know me as an individual so your comments really do not affect me.

      • savorydish said

        You’re not defending anyone. You are merely reinforcing the stereotypes you so desperately want to smash.

      • savorydish said

        Well, I do have a degree. Just not in psychology. But I know what you mean and I appreciate your support, Marie. I’m always shocked that this blog has been so helpful. But also glad.

        But the fact that you know that I am not a trained mental health professional, should tell Charlie that I have never made such a claim. This is merely a blog filled with my own personal experiences and what I have learned about disorders of the mind.

        I always welcome others to do their own research. I even provide links so people can double check sources. I even invite people to contradict me. On several occasions, I have even changed the posts to be more accurate or more sensitive.

        But what I will not do is entertain people who act up and attack people. I’ve deleted most of Charlie’s comments on this basis. Believe it or not, she has cooled down some which is why I allowed her to post here.

        But Marie is very right- Charlie has a lot of healing to do. Her knee jerk reactions are proof of that. As you said, if she doesn’t like this blog she can leave. She will not get anywhere with me by attacking people here.

        She is too busy huffing and puffing to notice that her irrational tirades are confirming what we know about BPs. We’ve had good BPs come here and they have changed my mind about BPD. But they did so with their actions. Not their holier than thou attitude.

    • Marie said

      Dearest Charlie,
      I have not diagnosed you, however, the fact remains that you purposely have been attacking others here on this site and are quite hostile. Why? It’s very easy to read what is said here and let people support one another. A blog is for those who wish to enjoy it…there are millions of blogs out there with personal opinions…that is what a blog is. This particular blog helps people which is why it should stay just as it is.
      As for myself, of course I went for help. When your own mother tries to kill you that is the first thing you should do. You didn’t seem to mention how I do see all people as people whether they are mentally competent or not.
      Stop attacking and learn to love everyone but please start with yourself.
      Hugs,
      Marie

      • savorydish said

        As always, Marie, you respond with grace. That is why you are always welcome here.

        Charlie only knows how to discredit, devalue and invalidate people’s experiences. Even her sympathy sounds insincere. She doesn’t actually know how it feels to be us, she can only assume. She is far too concerned about her own pain to notice ours.

      • Marie said

        Thank you, Savory Dish. You are very kind. Thanks again also for helping me figure out so many things by having this blog. I always enjoy reading what is posted here and find it fascinating that people actually think they can censor you and the blog. I see so many positive things here…they way people suppport each other and REALLY listen. It’s great that victims have a place to vent, hear other similar stories and heal together. When you have been painted black it can be hard to reach out to others especially if they have never dealt with someone who has BPD.
        I also thank you for understanding what I meant about not having a degree (in Psychology). Whether or not you had one you are well educated and you do give great advice here. I also do appreciate that you will ammend something if necessary. I think that men in our society are still being taught to be the strong, silent type and I’m relieved that this blog is a place they can go to get their feelings out.
        Willing Victim….I thought you were very eloquent and right on the money with your 2 cents.
        Take care and keep up the fantastic work!
        Hugs,
        Marie

      • savorydish said

        You’re welcome.

  3. Charlie said

    Yes they can but its a characteristic people that are ‘mentally competent’ can also possess, but in sure you already know this.

    • savorydish said

      What are you trying to accomplish here? Trying to prove that BPs are good and I’m bad?

      • Christine said

        I stumbled across this site after multiple reads on BPD. My friend and I still call him a friend had about 8 out of 10 of the “characteristics”. I am not here to bash anyone with a mental illness or who was abused as a child. And yes I do think I had “characteristics” of depression when I met him. When I came across this blog it was simply people talking about their experiences in relationships. I found it interesting to come across so many men who were talking about women they had dealt with. I had to distinguish between the “player” and the sad man I knew. Charlie, if you do not mind I would like to ask your a question? Have you ever told several women the same thing at the same time? How quickly do you fall in love? My friend expresses his feelings very quickly. That was kind of appealing at first considering most of the men I had been dating were a bit proud and did not show any feeling at all. But when it turned to obsession very quickly it became a bit of a problem. Together we have come to understand both of our issues. I am not so drawn to this blog because of BPD but the strength it gave me to help myself and my friend recover. I have read so many sad stories where people are unable to recognize ways to help each other. Please don’t take this blog as an attack against BPD. Take it as an information tool for anyone who may google that one night and stumble across it. You never know the impact it may have on someone. Behavior modification is the only why to heal.

  4. Laura said

    Very good points, thank you for this blog! It helped me a lot.
    The denial is what makes these relationships dangerous.

    I had to work hard to get my sanity back. I looked for help, talked to therapists, to understand what was going on. I learned about “gaslighting”. They told me that my friend probably has BPD.

    It was the same “beginning” for me, with her talking honestly about her childhood abuse and how unhappy her childhood had been (which is true, as later I met her mother who confirmed), and admitting that she was “socially handicapped”, even warning me that she wasn’t “nice”.

    I wanted to help the lost little bird, only to find a crazy beast around the corner. Beyond that corner, her past abuse had to be forgotten. It wasn’t because of her past trauma that she was being abusive towards me; it was my fault, because I was defective. She used what she knew about my life, to put me down. I had become her poison container. And I let her do it, because I had bonded with the “lost little bird”, hoping that it was still in there.

    She recently wrote to a friend of mine telling that she had to delete her Facebook account to stay away from me, because I have delusions and obsessions, that I was the most ignorant and stupid friend that she’d ever had, but that I “insisted” to be her friend.
    Unlike her, I have good (and rational) friends and family, so she can’t make them believe what she wants.

    The main problem is that I was stuck in a “trauma bond”, and it was painful for me to give up. I invited her into my life, my family. I wanted to make her happy. I had to work on my own “issues” to get out of this mess.

    I thought she would “come back” (to reason) eventually, but it was only worse and worse. As soon as she understood that I had learned about “the truth” (the reason beyond her abusive behaviour), that I had been talking to therapists, and that I had a good understanding of the situation, she went crazier than ever, blaming me, even writing to my husband to complain about me, and later to a friend. And then she disappeared.

    “The truth may be puzzling. It may take some work to grapple with. It may be counterintuitive. It may contradict deeply held prejudices. It may not be consistent with what we desperately want to be true. But our preferences do not determine what’s true.”
    ― Carl Sagan

    • savorydish said

      Love the Carl Sagan quote. It perfectly captures the mindset of someone in denial. It really is motivated by what they want to believe.

      It is easier for them to play mind games then to accept their condition. These defense mechanisms are second nature. Most likely they come from a family where denial is a tradition.

      • Charlie said

        Christine, I am not taking anyone’s story as a personal attack, and I can understand that it helps to share and learn about others experiences, however if you read initial posts dating back 3 years the reason
        For beginning this blog was different, offensive language was used towards people with bpd, and that’s bullying.

        In response to your
        Questions, it’s rare I involve myself in a romantic relationship because I don’t h
        Ave time and they usually stress me out, you see instead of projecting hate outward to people, we can
        Also turn it inwards on ourselves, whenever I feel like ladhing out on someone, I do it to myself, if ever I feel lost or empty, I sit alone and study or go for a walk,( I’m female) men often want to get to know me because I’m distant, and I stay thAt way, I never tell people that I love them
        Quickly, not do I rush into relationships, Christine I’m sorry you had to deal with something so terrible, be strong x

      • Laura said

        It’s exactly what happened to her. When she was a teenager and tried to talk to her parents about their abusive behaviour (towards her when she was a child), they “pretended not to hear”; they denied it with silence and further abuse, which made her feel crazy. She told me: “They destroyed my mind”. At that point she had a depression which lasted several years through her early adulthood. Her parents never admitted anything to her; she was surprised that her mother admitted it to me.
        Her relationship with me was obviously a reenactment of her trauma experience with her parents, which is her “script” for every relationship, when it becomes intimate. She obviously tried to destroy me (my mind). She was abusive, and then denied it, and blamed it on me, trying to make me feel crazy. It must happen at an unconscious level, otherwise it could be possible to talk about it, and she would “see” it eventually, and break the cycle. It’s tragic!

  5. Willing Victim said

    I am glad this blog exists. I believe blogs like this and some others help people try to make sense of it all.

    I think the quote of the day is so very appropriate. It is that very truth contained in the quote that explains why this blog exists. It explains why we come here and share with others. It helps to see that others have been thru the same thing. It helps in the recovery of each of us to see others have experienced the same thing and have begun to recover. It helps to see others that are going thru the same feelings and confusion at the same time and to witness the folks further along the path reach back to help along those just beginning on this difficult, at times seemingly impossible recovery path.

    The fact is that we did not want these truths to be the reality. We had difficulty accepting that the person we love was in fact going to stop at nothing to destroy us simply because we loved them.

    The quote holds true. We desperately wanted the truth not to be true. It was not our preference that the relationship happened as it happened. It was not our preference that these people treated us the way they treated us. So much of a disordered person’s behavior is counter-intuitive but so is ours. So much of their behavior is puzzling but so is ours, especially to those around us who care about us only to watch ourselves dash our selves against the rocks trying to save someone who cannot or will not admit that they are destructive to themselves and others. However, we are equally defective in our need and desire to be involved with and love these people as opposed to just clearly seeing the red flags and kindly bidding them adieu and gong in the other direction.

    As for the detractors, the ones that would have this blog shut down, Why? Why are you here? Why do you read this stuff? Whose cause are attempting to champion? Leave us to our delusion! Have pity on us and let us be! Go find some people or some group, some cause worthy of your wisdom, insight, and guidance. Why don’t you? Because you can’t. You are like the spouses, or significant others, or family members of those attending 12 steps or some other recovery group. You believe, no you dearly hope, that if you disavow, discredit, destroy or otherwise silence the group, that you will then make the illness go away as well. You could effectively deny it’s existence because no one would be talking about it. You certainly do not want it discussed.

    If you or someone have ever known anyone that has attended a group such as Al-Anon or ACoA, one of the first things the long timers tell participants is that they are going to experience resistance, ridicule, and sometimes even violence from the people around them. The very people they love and wish would change are the ones who resist the change more than anyone. That’s why it is called courage to change. The truth that recovery groups instill is that a person can only change themselves. Personal change does not make the illness go away. It does not make it not exist just as denial or silence does not make it go away. The personal change that many of us seek is to quit being attracted to people that are patently dangerous to our own well being.

    As far as demonization of BPD’ers I say it is about perspective. Are we mad? Yes! Are/were we hurt? Yes! Have we lashed or are we currently lashing out? Yes! Why? Because we are trying to understand what cannot be completely understood. We are trying to understand and love someone who does not understand or love themselves. Again, if we were defect free, we would love and cherish ourselves enough not to be involved with them, but we never claimed to be free of defects. We often enter into these relationships knowing that we have issues and we are hoping to find someone who loves and accepts us inspite of our imperfections. We are too willing and too trusting in this regard and that is how the hook gets set. Mirroring. Idealization. Super hyperbolic identification, infatuation, and attachment to someone who can intuitively hook us within minutes of our first interaction.

    If you don’t like the term BPD, Ok. I don’t like it either. That doesn’t make it unreal and invalid. As far a SD not having a degree? True. He only has his experience. So do the rest of us. However, if BPD did not exist, why would so much be written about. A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. A dysfunction by any other name is still a dysfunction.

    From my perspective, I believe that the spectrum and names for disorders are much like light passing through a prism. Depending on your perspective relative to the position of the prism as the light passes through it determines the range of colors you are going to see.

    In my experience, whether you want to call it BPD, PTSD, NPD, HPD, Co-DepPD, or any other name, it is difficult to accept and to deal with whether you are the person with a dysfunction or the person who loves a person with a dysfunction. Its all about perspective. Accordingly, you can take the same person and send them to a number of mental health professionals and you are quite likely to get an equal number of diagnoses(pl). Why? Its all about perspective. That is why it often takes years of work with the right professional to unravel and treat PD’s. People are often chameleons to some degree. PD’s are chameleons to the nth degree. It is a matter of survival. It is what they have known. It is what they know. It is who they are at that particular time. This does not make them bad or evil. We are not saying that. What we are saying is that the refusal to acknowledge their behavior and its’ effects on others is bad and. at times, evil. Sort of akin to the whole “hate the sin, love the sinner.” We do that as much as possible. We love people who have some dangerous qualities. We love them “anyway.” We love through the things they are and the things they are not. We love them inspite of the things they do and the things they don’t do. We love. We hope. We endure. All this we do in hopes that it will be recognized and returned in equal measure and intent. Hell, we would settle for half measure. But, in the end it is all for naught. Everything we give gets taken without much if any appreciation or recognition. We give and we give hoping that this person will miraculously change and love us back. Why? Because we believe. We love. We want to be believed in. We want to be loved. We want a relationship with someone who cannot possibly reciprocate. We try understand and love them anyway. I look at my experience as though I stayed on the Titanic as the last boat left because she asked me to. She said it would be ok. I believed cause I wanted her to be right. In spite of my gut, I stayed. The point is that she knew we were going down. She knew “we” were going to die but she doesn’t want to die alone.
    We willingly sacrifice ourselves, our literal life itself, for someone who would not piss on us if we were on fire.

    This is why I am here. I need to know that I am not alone in this. One detractor mentioned SD’s writings of 2011. If you knew, you would understand. The rest of us do. I look back and wish I had read some of this stuff back then, I would have been better equipped I think. I am here because I too languished in disbelief and loss wondering what the hell happened. Again, if you knew you would understand. We were told we were loved beyond measure. We believed. We were then discarded and told we were nothing. We believed. We were painted black and portrayed to everyone as the crazy one. We believed….for a while. Then we came here. It is all about evolution. We are evolving. That is why we are here. That is why SD has provided a bit of refuge and understanding. He is trying to help. Others are trying to help and recover. I think the detractors are threatened by this.

    I am not a Bible thumper but I do believe. I was once told that the Devil will not bother you so long as you don’t threaten him. The Devil is threatened only by the light of the truth. This he cannot stand. I believe the same about the detractors. You are not threatened if we stay silent and hidden from ear and eye. You are not threatened with the exposure of the truth if this blog were to shut down. You probably banter about things like freedom of speech and other such ideals yet only if it doesn’t apply to you.

    If you feel you must respond, feel free. If you feel you need to discredit me or SD or others on here trying to get well, so be it. I think we should feel flattered that you have nothing better to do and we are fortunate that you desire to hang around and see what we have to talk about. Thanks. But you should really just leave us to our delusion because we are underserving of your attention.

    Anyhow. My thanks to SD and everyone who contributes positively or negatively. You are doing a service to your fellow man and I think it should be applauded.

    Just my $0.02

    • savorydish said

      Well said. And thanks for your passionate support. All of you.

      Your observation is spot on. Charlie is trying very hard to discredit this blog. But her efforts are only giving it more credit.

      I will admit that her complaints about generalization have some merit. Human beings are all biased and have tendency for hyperbole.
      Just turn to any news channel. Even the Daily Show is biased.

      But anyone in their right mind would know that there are always exceptions to the rule. There are people who don’t fit the bill and some who surprise us.

      But judging Charlie on her behavior, I’m guessing she is not an exception. She is what we have come to expect.

  6. Charlie said

    This blog is ridiculous, I’m laughing.

    • savorydish said

      Then leave. Nobody is impressed or swayed by your condescending judgements. If you don’t want to be analyzed then don’t act like an untreated borderline attacking everyone and anyone. Your feigned laughter is only illustrating how badly you need to feel superior. Your appearances here only serve to keep people away from people like you.

    • savorydish said

      Maybe if you acted like a decent person, people would be more receptive to you. Maybe they would have a better image of disordered people. Maybe.

      • Charlie said

        I have amazing relationships with all Of the people in my everyday life, people that are not massively close to me don’t even know I have bpd because I don’t act in the fictitious ways you describe in your blog, the reason I retaliate is not because it’s a symptom of my disorder it’s a NORMAL innate human reaction when faced with these absurdities!

      • savorydish said

        Good for you. You are the exception. You don’t seem hypersensitive at all. Your partner must be in utter bliss. I’m absurd and you are enlightened beyond our mortal comprehension. We salute your efforts to defend the mentally ill.

  7. Charlie said

    The reason I laugh at this stupid blog is because there are deluded people assuming anyone who is hot and cold and expresses idealization and devaluation with a black and white mentality disclosing information about childhood abuse is automatically someone with bpd. That’s Complete rubbish, that’s the reason I am in hysterics.

  8. Charlie said

    I work closely with a great deal of adolescents with mental illnesses and neurodevelopmental disorders, the reason I chose to pursue a career in psychology was change and alter people’s perception of the negative stigma attached to abnormal mental health, if you think I’m adding to the stigma fair enough, but when i see the hearlyess lack if understanding from people on this site i dont undwrsrand how you expect me to feel, if any of the children I work with were to experience such hate, how would you expect them to get better? Would you want to get better if people were to assume the worst about you regardless of the obstacles they have overcome, this is prejudice to the max.

    • savorydish said

      Well, this is not the way to alter people’s perceptions.

    • savorydish said

      This blog is about adult relationships. It has nothing to do with the hate of children. It has to do with the hardships that come with being in a relationship with someone who treats you like the enemy. You are looking for a fight in all the wrong places. The prejudice changes when people change.

      • Charlie said

        Individuals can’t be diagnosed until the age of 18, if any of them were to be diagnosed with bpd, and were to read the comments how would you expect them to feel? Especially considering they make an active effort to get better, it is the same thing I’m afraid your discriminating against individuals with mental health issues, it’s like saying’ all depressed people drain you don’t get involved with them’ it’s something that happens and it’s horrendous for the individual themselves, but everyone is different, I have made my life about helping people, and from my experience helping individuals in similiar circumstances to myself as a youth, I am proud of who I am as a person, and this page is a gross misrepresentation of people with bpd as I do not fit the criteria of your diagnostic criteria, yet I have been told otherwise by medical professionals, what do you have a degree in sd? English literature, you’re eloquent I’m you’re writing style, and yes the things I comment may come across slightly aloof as I am busy doing productive things rather than arguing on a silly blog, the reason I’m carrying on is I’ve seen the effects of teens, young adults reading rubbish in the Internet and causing themselves harm, this is something I don’t want to happen. Yes, you seem to be doing a great deal for people who have come out of a relationship with someone they believe to have bpd, which is a positive but you are completely biased.

      • savorydish said

        I’m not worried about the ones who get diagnosed and treated. I’m worried about the ones who are undiagnosed and ruining people’s lives. Maybe it’s time to walk in our shoes for a bit before you make sweeping judgements.

    • Marie said

      Dear Charlie,
      The real reason you studied psychology to figure out what was wrong with yourself. The fact is that many people with BPD are psychologists and psychiatrists for this very reason. There are many highly intelligent high functioning people out there with BPD that are able to cover it up and have successful careers. How can you help someone when you so desperately need help yourself? It’s a game to you to keep it hidden from most people. Once someone starts to get close to you or to love you then that is when they discover the truth….you get scared and you start behaving badly. You say you choose not to get close to people now….you should get the help you need especially when working with the public. I’m a teacher of teens and it’s impossible to work with them and not care about them and sympathize with them even as a whole class(aka get close to them).
      You are laughing on the outside, my dear, because inside you are a hollow shell who only feels pain, shame and guilt. Your MANY responses are only making more and more apparent that you ARE exhibiting BPD behaviour. The reason you are “distant” with men is because you don’t know how to get close to someone, not really. I pity you, truly. Keep laughing on the outside if you must…it’s better than crying on both the outside and the inside.
      You and all others like you have my sympathy. The victims here (including myself) are all able to empathize and sympathize with their abusers. It’s a free country….we can meet here and support each other.
      Not every child who was abused and/or was raised by someone with BPD has the same condition. I certainly don’t have it and choose to “pay it forward” here….this site helped me and now it’s my turn to help others.
      If you really are a professional that works with children then I think you need to really seek some serious help and take some time to get yourself together. The way you are acting here makes me very sad not only for you but for those kids.
      At least here you got to channel some of your rage and get some attention that you obviously crave. Don’t think for one moment you have ruined this blog for anyone….it’s always entertaining to see how people react to others. We have the right to be here and support each other whether you (who are you anyway…no authority over us) like it or not.
      Please get help.
      Hugs,
      Marie

  9. Charlie said

    Has a slightly fundamentalist religious feel, this whole blog, selling people a dream and seeking solace within a community with a shared belief system, yet no credibility facts… Interesting… Rigid structure, a get out clause ‘she was bpd’ I like it…

  10. Charlie said

    In times of hardship people always turn to a community offering ‘truth’ against scientifical analysis, you offer no truth only stories.

  11. Charlie said

    ‘ Maybe it’s time to walk in our shoes for a bit before you make sweeping judgements.’

    The same applies to you and this whole blog! The only differences being I’m not making a dramatic attempt at gaining sympathy!

    • savorydish said

      See. How this works is I create a blog so I get to decide what applies to this blog. You seem to have this weird control freak thing going on. So maybe you’ll be happier writing your own blog where you can sing the praises of BPD.

  12. Charlie said

    Sd,

    Do you have to go to Dbt every week and reprogramme your way of thinking, each time you have ever felt the urge to do something destructive and detrimental to yourself and can’t understand yourself, do you lock yourself away in order not to hurt others around you, do you try and find solace in confinement so you don’t barrage anyone you are involved romantically with your unpredictability, I choose not to get involved with people for this reason, and anyone I have ever been involved with I have always made aware of my condition, and providedall the information they wanted so they could make a logical decision, you got hurt, I get that, I have been hurt in the past in relationships, but I don’t paint everyone in the same light, and I don’t discourage myself from one day pursuing a romance when I’m completely ok with being alone. That’s all I’m saying.

    • savorydish said

      I’m glad you seek treatment. I’m glad you choose not to get involved. And I respect you for being open with your partners. The women I’ve been involved with were not that responsible. I hope some day you will be ok for romance.

      If this is all you were trying to say, you should have said this instead of what you chose to say before. You might have had a more welcoming response.

    • Laura said

      Charlie, I think that this blog is not about “hating borderlines”. It’s about (unhealthily) “loving” a person with an abusive personality (having bonded and feeling attached to an abuser), whatever it’s called. It could be “narcissist”, “psychopath”… People who need to feed on other people’s distress. They feel better when they put you down, and need to dump their mental confusion into someone else, to feel relieved.
      They have to create an attachment for this to “work”; they can’t make random/distant people miserable. There has to be “love” in order to create devastation.

      They need to raise their self esteem artificially, by crushing people who are weaker. When you fall in love, when you feel affection and attachment, you’re vulnerable to abuse. Give someone power over you, if you want to see his or her character…

      Probably people here have been unable to see the “red flags”. They fell into a honey trap, while healthier/stronger people can see “the mask” before it falls down.

      It’s not a matter of being unable to accept rejection and terminate relationships. This is about abusive relationships.
      People here have been in an emotional prison. No need for chains (this is the problem).

      People here can recognise this; they can analyse, accept their weaknesses, accept therapy and even accept labels like “co-dependent”, knowing that they have issues, like an “addiction to a person”, which is not healthy love. There is no place for delusion here, as far as I can tell. Unless I’m also delusional, but I don’t think so, since I’ve been talking with all sorts of people about my problem, including therapists, which can offer me a more rational (objective) perspective, especially compared to my friend’s perspective who can’t even write a paragraph without inconsistencies (and obvious lies). Just full of “shouting” and insults.

      By the way, I have the impression that avoiding closure is a way to keep the “victim” hooked, so that by trying to go back for closure, he becomes “the stalker” (the abuser). The final abuse: “you’re the abuser, not me”. Especially men need to be very careful with this kind of trap, because the legal system tends to see women as victims.

      • Marie said

        What a beautiful and thoughtful reply, Laura. That was a perfect explanation of this blog. Thank you for sharing. You are definitely not delusional. May your healing only make you stronger.
        Hugs,
        Marie

      • savorydish said

        I agree with Marie. You are not delusional. Your explanation could not be more lucid. And I like your thoughts on closure. I may even post them. Playing the victim is a huge part of who they are. My theory is that they are calling attention to their childhood trauma.

        And yes men do need to be very careful when dealing with women who like to cry wolf. For all the reasons you stated. Yet another reason why this blog exists- to warn people of dangers.

      • Charlie said

        The description you give of bpd’s is not me at all, hense my frustration, and each time I protest this anyone here claims I’m either lying or playing a victim.

        If this is a site aimed at helping people healing from an abusive relationship, why is it you claim it’s always people with bpd?

      • savorydish said

        I don’t. That is your skewed perception. There are so many other topics covered including rape survivors and ACOAs. But you gravitated towards the ones that pertain to you. Making a big deal about nothing.

      • Marie said

        Charlie, we have something in common…I feel sorry for you too! The kids I have known would not have internalized a blog or an article not written about them and were able to say “fu” and mean it. When the relationship is with someone they know or are acquainted with that is different…that is when the “fu” becomes a cover up for what they really feel.
        Keep those claws sharp…I expect nothing less.
        Hugs,
        Marie

      • Charlie said

        Marie

        Your too closed minded to even respond to.

      • savorydish said

        Marie is one of the kindest persons here. Just because she won’t drink your kool aid doesn’t mean she is closed minded.

      • Marie said

        Thank you, Savory Dish, you have always been kind to me as well and I have always appreciated that. My BPD parents and ex taught me all about projection….and you know you struck a nerve when someone with a personality disorder runs out of things to say. Once they get to that point they usually resort to violence to try to subdue you….but some truly nice people simply can’t be broken and refuse to buy into projection.
        Never stop believing in what you are doing here. Whether the reaction to your blog is positive or negative know that you are making a positive difference in the world by allowing others to communicate here. I have seen more grateful people than anything else and anyone can make personal connections here no matter who or what they are if they are open to it. The world deserves to know things like BPD exist even if different people affected by it don’t all have identical symptoms. After all, some suffer from other things at the same time like PTSD.
        Whenever someone takes my sympathy and tries to attack me with it they only get more sympathy which eventually becomes pity. There is no need to attack anyone over anything life is too short. It’s never a mistake to love someone no matter how things turn out in the end. At least here people can get an inkling about themselves after they have had their hearts broken….realize their codependency and get help for themselves.
        There is a saying in Spanish that the Devil knows many things not because he is the Devil but because he has been around so long. Remember that young people always have all the answers but don’t know all the questions yet….as they get older, meet differen people and have new experiences their perspectives can change if they are open to it. We were all young and dumb at times too as the saying goes. It’s great that you are patient enough to keep answering….patience definitely is the key.
        Hugs,
        Marie

      • Charlie said

        Marie I didn’t run out of things to say to you, I just have a life and can’t waste
        Time on this blog talking to small minded people that contradict themselves. I haven’t
        Even read the rest if your response, just
        Massive sigh and delete email.

        Sd- bpd’s have excellent survival skills but Marie said they end up dead?

      • savorydish said

        Your personality is totally abrasive. And your attitude sucks. That is why no one listens to you. Either change your tone or I’m going to have to start deleting your abusive comments. Contribute personal stories or leave. This is not the complaint department.

        If you want to show that you’re the exception then start acting less BP. This is a place for dialogue. But if you’re only interested in insulting people then
        leave.

        The people here are very open minded that is how we ended up with people like you. But that does not mean they have to tolerate your abusive behavior or dysfunctional take on life. You are attacking people without provocation. And that is where I draw the line.

      • savorydish said

        Please stop acting like you’re superior to everyone here as if this blog is beneath you. You have exhausted everyone with your long winded replies. You are neck deep into this blog. Some might say obsessed. So stop putting on airs. It’s embarrassing.

      • savorydish said

        She is definitely trying my patience. Yes. We were all young and dumb once. We all thought we knew everything. Add BPD to the mix and you end up with a combo that no one should tolerate. For BPs being young and dumb is an excuse to abuse loved ones.

  13. Charlie said

    By the way, I did reply to you Marie, last night, sd didn’t post it. It’s funny your trying to insult me when you people don’t know me, all on the basis of me having bpd, that’s not playing a victim, you’re claiming things about my life you couldn’t begin to comprehend. I’m not commenting again because you people are horrid and you will never learn the only way people heal and get closure is understanding things fully and forgiving, not condemning everyone to the same harsh treatment because one person hurt you. I got cheated on last year, badly, I didn’t begin to hate all men, I made myself a stronger person. My friend with bipolar tried to kill me as a teen, I researched into her condition, educated myself and forgave her, but never once did I hate all people with bipolar, because I can understand individuals can experience severe problems in life and be given a label, but just because the label applies to various people does not mean each and everyone is the same, people deal with things in different ways, as victims you people should understand that, and as a victim of this disorder that prevents me from doing things I enjoy I accept that, your comments have offended me, but they won’t prevent me from being the person that I have become and I am proud of, I hope you can all be proud of yourselves, wishing you all the best in your journeys of recovery (no sarcasm)

    Charlie x

    • savorydish said

      I posted all your comments.

      • Charlie said

        I replied last night before work

      • Marie said

        Charlie,
        You need to read again what I wrote. I have no hatred only sympathy. I forgave my mother and father and ex because they were all mentally ill. You didn’t respond to the fact that I said people with BPD are people not demons…I see you only respond to what you think is negative.
        Venting is normal and good for people so they don’t keep the anger inside. When someone has recently had their heart broken (mentally ill or not) it does that person a great deal of good to get all the pain and bitterness out rather than let it fester inside. This blog provides support for that…others who have been in similar situations and can understand.
        As far as teenagers go they are capable of reading things and if they don’t agree they can tell people to “f” off and not let it affect them. I have worked with them for the past 18 years both mentally sound and mentally ill. Kids are not as fragile as you seem to think especially today. Yes they need to be nurtured and guided but they are no shrinking violets.
        Keep lashing out…you are only making yourself look bad. I am proud of you for getting help and I hope it truly works. I can tell you from personal experience that people with BPD (not saying you) who DON’T get treatment get worse as they get older and are no longer able to hide how sick and different they are. They end up dying old and alone because they are too dangerous to be around. I wish this fate on no one.
        Hugs,
        Marie

      • Charlie said

        Anyone who experiences problems with mental health, bpd or not have a potential to be dangerous around, it’s not to say they will die, that assumption is comical, and to claim you have worked with children for 18 years and still you can not comprehend that this ‘fu’ attitude is something if a front and barrier they put up, they pretend not to care in order to seem flippant and cool, it’s not to say they don’t actually care, if you can not understand this after 18 years of experience I feel sorry for you,

    • savorydish said

      If you are so easily offended you should stop reading this blog.

    • savorydish said

      You need serious help. The way you attack people is horrid. The way you justify your attacks tells me you need to spend more time in DBT sessions and less time on the internet.

    • savorydish said

      All I can say is that you have a serious inferiority/victim complex. I don’t say that in a hateful way. I hope you fix what is broken. I mean that in the kindest possible way.

    • savorydish said

      A guy who cheated on you is very different than an ex who has a severe mental illness. You are comparing apples and oranges. We are talking about trauma and you are talking about having your feelings hurt.

      • Charlie said

        Lol, he was a sociopathic sex addict who had secret ex wife and children, everything we had was based on
        A lie, I had no idea he was even married, no one in his family had told me they had met other girls he was taking there, he was also 15 years older than me so u trusted him dearly, when I found out it made feel immense guilt for his ex wife/wife who was apparently trying to sort out there marriage, he made me believe for a year and a half he was completely in love with me, so yeah I get pain, I get that sometimes you look back at things and realise the person you were with was a monster, the girl he was also sleeping with tried to kill herself when she found out about me, and days after planning after he told me he was completely in love with me, thar he had never been so happy, he went to visit her i. Hispital and denied me. i found this all out from his wife and from the girl, in the end ge chose to stay with me, but i left, It wasn’t just cheating but the less information I provide on this site the better because I’m going to get branded a ‘wannabe victim’ my life fell apart for a long time, but I realised the only way to move forwards is to love who you are and forgive those who have wronged you, because in life kindness is all you can give, it was far from just cheating.

      • savorydish said

        See. It feels good to vent. Right?

      • Charlie said

        Not really, brings back things I don’t want to think about, I was just stating that it wasn’t just cheating…

      • savorydish said

        Well. It’s clear you have a lot of repressed rage. Might wanna work on releasing it. Try starting a blog.

      • savorydish said

        Your hypersensitivity is the reason why you suppress and compartmentalize bad memories. But it’s also why you carry emotional baggage.

  14. Charlie said

    And sd I have no pent up frustrations which is why u didn’t comment earlier on this, I was merely justifying a point that it wasn’t just cheating. I dealt with thing by realisations that not everyone is the same and that this is just one individual that tried to hurt me, and I hope he gets the help he deserves, but I think they of him as one person, not as a group of people.

    • Christine said

      Hi Charlie its Christine, thanks for the stay strong advise. I am glad you are here. Even know you and Savory are having difficulties agreeing. I wanted to reply to your comment where you opened up about the man who cheated on you with…well his wife and some other women. It sounds like you encountered someone of the same species we all have. You poor baby!! That was a horrible experience. Just the fact that you had empathy for his wife shows me you are not a bad person. You were taken advantage of by a very selfish person. Believe me I understand. The weird thing is, even know I felt taken advantage of, used, etc. It wasnt as bad as what you went through. We are all here searching for closure. I don’t know why you and Savory are not seeing Eye to Eye well…Maybe LOL…Anyway girl you stay strong to. If you have BPD and you are functioning in society, ie have a job, a place to live and can hold them down. I am very proud of you. My friend can barely function. Even know I have set my boundaries it is very hard to not let him stay here, coddle him when he loses a job…again.. He really was traumatized. Abandoned by his mom at 14, group homes, etc. in LA of all places, So please dont take our words as mean. I am here to listen if you need a friend

    • savorydish said

      We aren’t talking about everybody. We are talking about people who have severe personality disorders. People who have abusive tendencies. Sociopaths included.
      I’m ok with talking about these people as a group..

  15. Christine said

    Savorydish, are you male or female? Sorry I just joined and would like to refer to you correctly?

      • Charlie said

        Christine, thank you so much for just listening to me and having an open mind that people diagnosed with this disorder are not all the same, that’s all I’ve been trying to say throughout this whole post, each time I comment I’m not taken seriously. Just thank you.

        My disorder has prevented me from building relationships with people not for the fear that they will leave me or that I am incapable of love like others have suggested, purely for the fact that I don’t want to burden people with the feelings I have inside of me, it’s not depression, it’s bpd, I’m highly functioning in society because I stop for a moment and think i really want to make a positive change, my disorder involves destruction like many people suggest but to myself not to others, If I am involved romantically with someone I always provide the facts of my condition and they’re shocked, because I seem like someone who has come from a lot when in fact it’s the opposite, I won’t burden you with my upbringing and teenage years etc but it made me realise that the way I was treated is not something I would subject upon any individual.

        What I’m trying to say is some people with bpd have to try harder than others to make a change, to sort out the way there brain functions, to turn off the black and white mode and some choose not to because it’s HARD, like waking up and thinking everyone hates you, you deserve nothing, every achievement will mount to nothing, I do yoga, I breathe I tell myself to love, to forgive, to appreciate people around me. We are not all the same.

        As for my ex’s ex wife/wife she was already suspicious of his infidelity as she she had known him alot longer then me, his girlfriend on the side was also aware as they had been around a lot longer than me, still I told them he was never worth it and there will be a man out there that will never make you feel the way he did, any man that makes you cry is never worth the tears, I’ve been through a lot in my young years Christine, I loved my ex, I believed I had a future with him, I was close to his 12 year old daughter that I thought was his only child, even her mother, but no one told me the truth about him. I always think I’m better off and I count my blessings, just like all of you should, no one needs that, but I have bpd and I can honestly say I’m proud if my life x

      • Christine said

        Charlie, wow…if you were a dude you would be my boyfriend. Your words sound just like his. Anyway thanks for sharing your experiences. I don’t think there is a difference male or female. Age..I am 48 my BF is 47 so all you twenty year olds dont .worry it trends year after year. I am not sure how old you are Charlie, or Savory… you guys are in your twenties..Guess what my precious children? Life only gets harder. You guys are sweet. Moral of this story is. BPD, Depression, Schizophrenia, any other mental illness. I have been there and seen it first hand, in re-hab…jail, dont ask. Mental illness is not a pretty site, but it totally ignored in the US. So keep work’in, keep livin, and keep payin your nt…LOL bye

      • Charlie said

        Thanks Christine 🙂 x

  16. Christine said

    How old are you?

  17. Charlie said

    You have 20 years on me sd, the reason I commented was not because you suspect anyone with bpd presents themselves as a victim, I hate telling people things that have happened to me in past because that’s not the person I have built myself to be, and it’s not chameleon like qualities, it’s realising that everyone deserves the best and so do I! I got therapy and went back into education, I got into university and finished! You know most of my friends from my young years are either dead of in prison!? I’m in my 20’s and already I feel as though I’m old! I’ve seen a lot, the only person my friend who knows everything about me and has known me for 7 years (who i would never treat in the ways you claim others who bpd’s abuse do) she is always astounded, she praises me, she tells me I’m an inspiration, people that meet me assume I’ve had the same sturdy upbringing, and she told me the other day (when I commented first on this blog) that I always astound her, that anyone I work with or friends In our small circle wouldn’t believe me if I told them, sites like this discourage me from telling the world that I’m bpd, regardless of however efficiently I function in society, the children I work with like me, because I listen, I’m patient, I’ve been a child struggling, you have no idea how amazing it feels to have someone just listen to you for that small fragment of time. That’s what my life is sd, I educate myself and I give my time because I don’t want to leave the world being empty and revelling in hate and lack of understanding, I want to do some good, tell me does that make me your classic bpd?

    • savorydish said

      Let’s see… Your friends are either dead or in prison. Borderlines are born into chaos and dysfunction. That being said, they have tremendous survival skills. The advantage of living in a dog eat dog world. So you tell me. Are you a classic borderline? I commend you for seeking treatment. I hope you stick with it.

      • Laura said

        Thank you Savorydish and Marie, I appreciate what you wrote as well. I learned a lot by reading this blog.

        Charlie, it’s not about “presenting themselves as victims”, as “victims of child abuse” (which is true). There’s nothing wrong with it. Talking about your childhood is OK; it’s even necessary if you want to become intimate with someone.
        The problem is that they are victims of child abuse who turned into abusers. When it happens, they can’t admit it to themselves, so they have bend reality to survive psychologically (otherwise they would self attack in monstrous ways, as they don’t have compassion for themselves). It’s about what happens now, saying that they are victims instead of abusers, in their present relationships.

        As Savorydish said, their behaviours may be a way to “call attention on their childhood trauma”, which they have never dealt with in a proper way.
        But as soon as you “pay attention”, it has to be suppressed, because you would also need to address their own abusive behaviours.

      • savorydish said

        You took the words right out of my mouth. She thought I was complimenting her when I spoke about BP survival skills. These are necessary skills when you live in a world where people die or go to prison. But in our world it translates into abusive behavior.

        Clawing people instead of listening. This is a sign of lifelong trauma. She says she is not traumatized. Which is utter bullshit. We see the evidence here. She is just too deep in denial to recognize it.

      • Marie said

        Dear Laura,
        You’re welcome and thank you for your contributions as well.
        Hugs,
        Marie

  18. Laura said

    Yes, SD, they’re unhealthy, destructive survival “skills”; in this way they don’t really live, but they “survive”. In survival mode, they “live” to avoid pain. The pain that would be necessary to heal, to finally live in a conscious way, without being possessed by “the script”, being just a “reaction machine” (which must be scary as hell). This avoidance is more important than anything and anyone else. It’s unconscious, but this doesn’t make it morally good. Hitler also acted at an unconscious level, but it doesn’t make it OK… (It could be argued that all evil comes from the same mechanism).

    • savorydish said

      “They don’t live. They survive”

      A perfect way to describe the condition. I read somewhere that BPs have more activity in the primitive part of the brain. I believe the article said that primitive portion is larger in BPs than the rest of the population. That is, they retain that primitive instinct to survive. Which comes in very handy when you are being chased by saber-tooth tigers, but has no place in a modern relationship. That explains the fight or flight response and the black and white thinking.

      • Charlie said

        (Comment was edited for abusive language) Ugh! talk about me being in denial and dealing with my pain yet I’ve candidly told you I’m currently in Dbt, which I accepted after therapy, people in denial do not admit they have a problem, if this was the care would I openly post on this blog and admit I am bpd? No.

        My experiences have been pretty brutal but I’m not traumatised by them at all! I thank god i didnt go down a terrible road, As i said I count my blessings, I have an education, a good family, friends etc, I’m not even complaining about this nonsensical rubbish like most if you are, you had a bad relationship. There’s much worse in the world happening, a failed relationship where someone took you for a joke is something to learn from, not to show anger from.

        As for your analysis of fight or flight response you’re correct people with bpd are more likely to perceive an individuals behaviour towards them as threatening, they are more likely to react, however this also works hand in hand with the endocrine system and the parasetic Ns, which could also explain why many people suffer from anxiety attacks, but no you guys go straight in for the ‘these bpd’s are trying to kill me’ card. Silly.

        Another thing you can asses from a psychological vantage is that the amygdala is much more receptive and active within the prefrontal cortex of individuals with bpd. For this reason they are more sensitive, much more likely to hurt then you people who have had a break down in a relationship, if you’ve looked into it, people with bpd claim it feels they have no emotional skin, which means your comments about them being similar to the devil and evil etc is obviously going to cause someone harm somewhere along the line.

        It says on certain web pages hitler had bpd, I’ve read this before, how many average mentally competent people carry out extreme and inhumane attacks everyday, and then they are diagnosed with some rubbish ! I’m on my way to recovery. You think this is a bpd rage?

      • savorydish said

        You were warned. From now on your comments will be edited for abusive language. If you can’t control your hyper reactions, you will be treated like a child.

  19. Charlie said

    Autocorrect changed some of my words…

    • Marie said

      First of all learn to spell…it’s psycho….probably a good word for you to spell correctly especially since you supposedly studied psychology. Or did you take the course online?
      Second of all it took you days to respond to me with that weak comeback? I’m disappointed. Don’t try and tell me you have a life because if you did you wouldn’t post 10 comments each time you are here.
      Third I’m happily married and have both a successful career and family life. You’re just a puppy who’s wet behind the ears yet….let’s see in 20 years if you will be successful in any aspect of your life or even still alive.
      Fourth when my BPD mother had her hands around my throat and was trying to choke me that was as real as when she tried to push her own mother down the stairs. The violence is real. Perhaps she was that way because her BPD husband beat the crap out of her every night for no reason. So don’t tell me we are imagining the violence, it’s as real as the venom inside you.
      Finally Dad died at 52 and Mom at 66 so if you are planning to live into your old age I suggest you up the DBT sessions and stop reading stuff that raises your blood pressure. By the way, by the time both my parents died everyone knew how mentally unstable they were because as a BPD ages without treatment the BPD symptoms get worse instead of bettter. Maybe you’ll be lucky but seeing your behaviour here makes me doubt it.
      Have a nice life all by yourself in your room isolating yourself while I’m living and loving mine out in the open because I don’t need to abuse others to feel something nor do I need to be abused.
      My Mom and Dad would be proud of you….keep it up….maybe you will find a fellow BPD just like they did and live in wedded bliss….unless you end up killing each other. Enjoy me sinking to your level that is what you wanted…..but I hope you took some time to read what I wrote because Savory Dish is not here to give you the Cliff Notes version.
      Marie

  20. Charlie said

    (Personal attacks were deleted)

  21. Laura said

    Trying to belittle the people you’re talking to is not an argument. 😉

    I’m not talking about you. I talk about abusers in general. People who need to destroy other people in order to “raise” (as a temporary relief). It’s emotional vampirism at best.
    I don’t care about labels, which are only ways to classify certain behaviours, so that professionals and non professionals more or less know what they’re talking about. There’s no such thing as BPD, or Narcissistic Disorder etc. as detectable illnesses.
    Of course abusers are in pain. It can’t be used as an excuse though. Not even in court.
    And of course it comes from unprocessed childhood trauma.
    “Nobody is born evil.” (Alice Miller)
    It’s also certainly possible that the brain develops differently in the presence of child abuse/neglect, as the majority of the brain grows after birth, during the first years of life. Probably for some people there is no possible “coming back”.

    http://www.hakomiinstitute.com/Forum/Issue19-21/4Linda%20Baird,%20Childhood%20Trauma2.pdf

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