Empathic People

February 21, 2014

Here’s an article that might interest some of my readers:

Let me be clear- I am not saying borderlines are sociopaths. One is guilty of being too sensitive and the other one is insensitive. One is Machiavellian and the other is merely over-reacting to the world.

That being said, I think they both gravitate towards empathic people. While we are the person most likely to sense something is terribly wrong, we are also the most susceptible to their charms.

The author speaks at length about being gaslighted- the process by which the abuser gets you to doubt your own instincts (aka “You’re crazy. Not me”):

Psychotherapist Christine Louise de Canonville describes different phases that the abuser leads the relationship through:

– the idealisation stage, where the sociopath shows herself in the best possible light – but this phase is an illusion, to draw her target in

– the devaluation stage begins gradually so the target is not alert to the sociopath’s transformation to being cold and unfeeling, but will begin to feel devalued at every turn; the more distressed the target becomes, the more the sociopath enjoys her power, and her abuse can become more extreme

– the discarding stage – the target is reduced to an object to which the sociopath is indifferent, seeing the game as won; the sociopath rejects any connection, moving on to the next target.

Gaslighting does not happen all at once so, if you suspect in the early stages of a relationship that you are being gaslighted, you can protect yourself by walking away.

And while I don’t believe a borderline should be confused with a sociopath, I do think they can be “cold and unfeeling” in the devaluation and discarding stage. The difference lies in the motivation.

That is, why do they run and block your phone number? A sociopath gets sick pleasure in manipulating someone. But a borderline most likely does it because she can not handle the intense feelings that come with intimacy. The fear of losing that which they so desperately want is too much.

They draw you in only to kick you out. And then they cry endlessly about it because they don’t understand why they would do such a thing. She cries because deep down she knows she is her worst enemy.

5 Responses to “Empathic People”

  1. naples104 said

    a phenomenal and laser bulls eye on a BPD and their behavior. Thanks so much for sharing it.


  2. This is great and its totally what I went through , among other things…This hits the nail on the head!!!!!

  3. chump said

    Fine hairs in my opinion. BPD is sociopathy expressed in a slightly different form. Good article though.

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