Being Shut Out

February 19, 2014

Like Mitch, I was recently shut out. She too blocked my number and blocked me on Facebook. This after she found out I was writing about her in my blog. Never mind that they were truthful accounts or that I had been pleasant to her even after I broke up with her.

This was not the first time she had shut me out. This was a repeated pattern in our relationship. We had many fights. She would lash out at me irrationally. And when I fought back, she would accuse me of being abusive and block me.

And after a few days passed by, she would start to miss me and would act like nothing happened. She would unblock me only to block me again and again. And then she wondered why I didn’t take the relationship seriously.

According to her, suggesting that she was emotionally unstable and needed help was abusive. Suggesting that her father had traumatized her was abusive. It was ok for her to complain about him. But if I suggested that was an explanation for her hyper-sensitivity and irrational behavior, then I was being abusive.

She accused me of using personal info against her. Maybe I was. Or maybe I was just trying to explain her fight/flight responses and her constant over-reactions.

Every time she would cool down and unblock me, I would foolishly take her back. I even took her out for her birthday (this was after I broke up with her) as an act of good will. No such good will from her. She didn’t bother to remember my birthday.

It is interesting to note that she has never blocked out her father. Despite being a mean drunk and kicking her out of the house for dating a man he did not approve of.

She also did not block out her last ex. Even though he was a raging alcoholic and cheated on her twice (with his ex-wife).

She only blocked me out, because I would not play along with her denial. Had I been as abusive as her last ex and her father, we might still be good friends. But apparently, speaking honestly makes me an asshole. And she prefers the company of enablers.

155 Responses to “Being Shut Out”

  1. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    after we broke up I was still walking to her work helping her carry her things back to our apartment at 1230 in the morning Carry all her stuff for her I was a good guy and we were broken up I don’t think she appreciated that.the last time we hung out it was Sunday Monday to weeks ago and all she did was cry we watched TV and snuggled we didn’t have any sexual encounters but the Tuesday Wednesday Saturday we did and it felt really different it was more intense it was a lot better. Then ried to get answers for the rest of the week after the Monday she left and all she did was freaked out on me every time I would show up at her house then she told me there was another guy so I don’t know if its true but she is in therapy I still think that’s just her way of telling me to stop trying by saying there’s somebody else

  2. MovingForward85 said

    Savory, if you dont mind me asking, how do you keep finding these troubled people? This is your third BPD gf now , isnt it? And you say it may not be your last.

    Ive had 2 bpd gf but ive only spoken about my last ex gf cause it was recent (4 months ago) the other was about 2 yrs ago so ive moved past that. I can say now with confidence that Im moving forward happily. I understand this mental illness now and I never had a clue about it before. Im definitely not going to date another bpd. Sad to day… but… I will be screening, to a degree. The “new gf” will need parents with a healthy relationship and I know I will NOT be playing the part of a “rescuer” anymore. That is what got me caught up in their web of deceit in the first place.

    I know what I need to do to stay clear of these people now. Its not normal to keep finding these ladies like you are Savoury. Please… im not knocking you. I just feel you seem to be like me, I rescuer at heart but you need to find more stable women.

    • savorydish said

      This may be the second one after I learned about BPD. She was not as crazy as the last one. No history of cutting. And it is still undetermined whether this is BPD or ACOA. She has not been diagnosed.

      I could sense something was wrong after a few months but I didn’t want to jump the gun. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and it didn’t work out so I moved on.

      The difference is I learned to keep a distance when things seemed out of place. But because she has not been diagnosed I can only guess.

      • MovingForward85 said

        Oh ok. Yes that makes sense. As long as we have a bearing on our emotions and whats at stake, then we will not feel that pain we did before.

      • savorydish said

        It still sucks. But yes I’m better equipped to handle these moments. I can’t be certain she has BPD. But I do know the drama is too much. I hope I’m wrong. But I have to take care of myself first. That much I’ve learned.

        There is always the danger of seeing BPD everywhere when it isn’t so I am cautious with my armchair diagnosis.

      • Savory, there is only ONE standard. Any violation of a human being is a crime. The difference between rape and BDP is that in the case of rape a person (man or woman) couldn’t walk away physically. Rape implies physical violence and force. In the case of BDP you voluntary placed yourself in that position, in a position of emotional violence from another. You can walk away.

        I told you the story.

        Let’s get real, huh…. OK. Tell me who you are, behind your insidious attempts at placing me within a known (to you) mental framework. damaged.. narcissist… low self esteem… feminist… etc. etc.

      • savorydish said

        So you’re a rape survivor?

      • Real is what I like although I can see the way you are pushing. That should be a test of your humility.
        I was raped once at the age of seven, it was a one off event.

      • savorydish said

        Had you been upfront about this we could have avoided the whole song and dance. I don’t respond well to people bullshitting me or trying to manipulate me.

        I prefer honesty and humility. I suspected a history of sexual assault when you used the words “controlling” and “insidious”. I also noticed how quick you are to demonize men.

        But given your history it’s understandable.

        I am sure I don’t need to tell you that rape is a deeply traumatic event. Even just a one off. So the last thing you should be doing is trolling the internet looking for triggers.

        Lastly I’m sorry for your experience. Perhaps we can show each other some compassion. Abuse is abuse, whether it be sexual or psychological. Let us not create hierarchies of trauma.

      • savorydish said

        IOW don’t invalidate my experience. And I won’t invalidate yours.

      • It wasn’t a ‘deeply traumatic’ event. I was too innocent to UNDERSTAND. Yes, I was afraid, but I had NO FEAR. Do you even see the difference? I didn’t know what ‘rape’ wAS and so didn’t ATTACH the feelings of guilt and denial, those socially conditioned responses that lead to psychological deficiencies in people. I knew it then, and I know it now. It’s a fact that doesn’t evoke any emotion in me whatsoever.

        I answered because you wanted ‘real’, but you don’t understand ‘real’. What have you actually learned from this, except placing me into a category? Fitting me into your little existing box of labels? If I say you are a ‘victim’ of BPD abuse… just how does that place anything between us as TRULY RELATING TO EACH OTHER?

        Just get it into your head… I don’t demonise men. I have the most amazing relationships with them which have nothing to do with trying to extract from each other or place responsibility for happiness on each other’s shoulders. And the person I spoke about before… I wasn’t involved with and never met.

        No one wants to manipulate or control you, it’s your projection of what you fear inside. So you attract just that. Do you really want to understand the reasons for it or do you want us to curtsy to each other, say ‘I am sorry’ and feel good about ourselves?

        “Given your history it’s understandable” … spare me the Little Box, you understand NOTHING. That is why you keep going back to women who abuse your trust. Why you feel compelled to spy on them on Facebook. Why these women make you feel like the most amazing person in the world. Why you form such strong attachments to them. Why drama is part of your relating to them. Why you come into every new relationship EXPECTING a woman to fit the profile based on your prior experiences.

        I never felt ‘abused’ before, and victim mentality is not something I understand. We are the sum of our experiences, but our experiences don’t define who we ARE. HERE and NOW. when you comprehend this we can talk real. Until then… we are in different universes all together.

        You haven’t offered me anything of value to consider, other than an attempt to ‘figure me out’. No real compassion has been exchanged here. You don’t know what Love and Compassion IS.

      • savorydish said

        Have you ever been diagnosed? Treatment? Did you ever see a shrink?

      • savorydish said

        I’m actually hesitant to continue this conversation for fear that if I give you a dose of reality you may not be able to handle it.

        Because you have just demonstrated what it looks like when someone is in deep denial.

        Someone who has spent their whole life in denial is like a tower of cards just waiting to crumble.

      • savorydish said

        How is it that you have a degree in psychology but have no idea how traumatic being raped at seven is?

        That’s like me saying I lit my body on fire but suffered no burns.

        I feel like you don’t even have a basic understanding of denial or dissociation. Psychology 101.

      • savorydish said

        Just because you can’t process something at 7 doesn’t mean it’s not traumatic.

        There’s a reason why PDs don’t manifest themselves until adolescence.

        BPD is the result of trauma at age 3. So don’t tell me rape at 7 means nothing. That comment is literally insane.

      • You want to tell me what I SHOULD feel, and I honestly don’t. You don’t understand what fear is. It’s a projection based on our experiences of what once was. For instance, if someone has a history of failed relationships, exams, jobs etc… they will always EXPECT deep inside that the next job, relationship, exam are going to end up the same way. When you are seven and have no prior experiences like that.. you don’t form an emotional ATTACHMENT to the event, as there is nothing in your prior memory to associate it with.

        Are you so sure that BPD is the result of sexual assault at three? Or is it something that women and men CONVINCE themselves of? Why does it happen LATER ON in teenhood? Not because suddenly they KNOW it was the wrong thing to be done to them? And not because suddenlty they begin to feel wronged? Why did they not FEEL WRONGED before?

        Any life event is just that, Savory – A FACT. It only becomes a trouble laiden fact when we give it emotional significance. Which is what the majority of people do, keeping themselves attached to the past trauma. Can you imagine a lion being chased, ripped to pieces by another lion and walk away from it thinking ‘I’ve been abused, Poor me’? People THINK themselves into the trauma.

        The only real fear is when YOU ARE IN THE IMMEDIATE DANGER OF BEING HARMED. Like a tiger next to you. That is real. Everything else is a conjured up inner response to our mental conditioning that occured in the past.

        You are still looking to attach me to something you KNOW. The Unknown is scary, isn’t it..

        No. I don’t have a history of mental illness. I never saw a therapist. I never screwed up a man’s life.

        As I said.. the Little Box. Step outside of it. These are not the questions you should be asking. Stop trying to figure me out. Stop trying to figure out the women you get involved with. Figure out yourself FIRST..

        From what I see… you think most exclusively on outside conditioning of what the world tells you you should see and feel.

      • savorydish said

        You are completely detached from reality. An untreated trauma survivor. Your thoughts are disjointed possibly delusional.

        I have dated women like you my whole adult life. I don’t need to figure you out. Women like you ruin lives but you are so detached from reality it doesn’t even register.

        That’s how denial works.

      • MovingForward85 said

        Im sorry to butt in but im following both sides to your stories and its pretty clear to see that Salty is definitely in a deep sense of denail. Its strange how many similarities there are between Salty and the “others” . Salty ,its plain to see that you are trying to force your point across with definite Guile.

        I do not take sides and I call a spade , a spade. Savory is merely replying to your barrage of excuses and ridicule. Another point I’d like to add is, its been proven that traumatic events which take place in a childs life (age 3 onwards) WILL in some way or another manifest itself later on in life causing any number of personal disorders. One MAJOR issue that Savory, myself and many others here can tell you, is denail. Its probably the number 1 trait within PD sufferers. Theres no way around it. Its cold hard fact but I guarantee you will probably try argue that point too.

      • savorydish said

        Thank you for chiming in, MF. If she won’t listen to me maybe the two of us can convince her. She needs serious help.

        I have seen denial before. But Salty might be the worst case I’ve ever seen. In some ways she is a carbon copy of some of the women I’ve dated.

        But it confirms my suspicion that there is a population of traumatized women out there who have diagnosed themselves and fooled themselves into believing they don’t need treatment.

        Furthermore they have surrounded themselves with networks of enablers. That is why they flip out when they come across this blog. It’s a dose of truth that they are not ready to handle.

        As far as the age debate is concerned she is flat out wrong. That is how scary denial can be. She supposedly has a psychology degree but she has twisted the facts to support her delusions.

        When someone describes their own rape as a “one off”, that is a sign that her mind is actively trying to diminish the significance of what anyone in their right mind would agree to be a traumatic event.

        The age debate is merely a construct of a mind in serious denial. There is evidence that trauma can even occur in the womb. There is no question that it can happen at 7. Which means she was emotionally arrested at age 7. Which means she sees the world through the eyes of a child.

        This is not to belittle her. This is to show everyone what denial looks like. THIS is what makes this condition so dangerous. Especially to loved ones. Gaslighting can literally make you crazy. This is abuse. Silent abuse. And her denial of it only makes it more abusive.

      • MovingForward85 said

        To be honest. I literally cant add anything to what you have just said. Pretty much hit the nail on the head Savory.

      • savorydish said

        This is going to come as a shock but most people who are traumatized aren’t even aware they are. Detachment from reality is how the mind deals with traumatic memories.

      • Pain exists. You simply have to SEE CLEARLY why and where it comes from. Detachment from denying the pain is the culprit, not detachment from reality. Do you honestly feel traumatised people don’t know they carry this within? Of course they do. They don’t detach from the event, they detach from dealing with the pain it brings. The cycle repeats itself.

        You date disfunctional women. I don’t date disfunctional men. That’s the difference between us.

        You run from the Real, Savory, hide behind rational explanations which give you inner comfort and a sense of security. Anything that doesn’t agree with your established picture of the world – you dismiss as being weird, crazy, delusional, you gave it enough labels, pick any.

        Where is your capacity to FEEL the Truth? Where is the real Savory?

        People just love to stay in their suffering. They don’t know any better.

      • savorydish said

        YOU are the dysfunctional person in the relationship.

      • OK. If you want to believe that. As I said.. nothing constructive, just blah blah blah.

      • savorydish said

        No. It’s what I KNOW. You want to believe I’m wrong.

        You want to believe that every relationship you’ve had was a zen garden. And I’m telling you that is utter bullshit. The science of trauma does not support your delusional take on events.

        Your behavior here is a an illustration of what a relationship is like with you. It is like being stuck in a labyrinth that has no exit. Designed only to confuse and imprison.

        Out of all the people you chose to attack you chose Mitch. Because he was the most vulnerable. And then you attacked me because I defended him. That is abusive behavior. That does not make for a healthy relationship.

      • You haven’t butted in, MovingForward, you added at least SOME constructive point.

        Denial exists. Absolutely. Every human being lives in some kind of denial, connected to, guess what…. relationships. When I say relationships, I don’t mean just romantic partners. Life IS about connections to others. At some point in life people suffer at the hands of other human beings, through absence of love and presence of fear. It can be parents, relatives, bosses, lovers who play the unconscious game of ‘I know how you should live your life, If you don’t follow my rules, I am going to withdraw my attention, affection, pension fund, promotion, communication’ etc. etc… you name it. Anyone who refuses to play the game and be HIS OR HER OWN BEING – is
        branded as aloof, at best, and crazy, at worst. Don’t believe me? Think of those occurances in YOUR life. Think of YOUR relationships with the above categories.

        People who suffered serious abuse – don’t deny the FACT OF IT. They deny the pain of it, not by saying it doesn’t exist, but by REFUSING to face it head on. Refusing
        to go back there, live it, SEE IT and LET GO. Instead, they choose to act it out, repeat the experience again and again. This is a totally unconscious process. So yes, they can’t see it. Most humans can’t see it within themselves.

        I spoke about conditioning. Collective Subconscious, through our interactions with others, has a mighty grip on people’s minds. Just ask yourselves how many different
        stories about how things SHOULD BE – you carry in your heads. Should a human being be always in a relationship? Should have children? Should have a Higher Education or
        none at all? Should work because it gives them the highest paid salary?

        How about doing all those things because you feel that within your innermost being? Or not doing any of them because it doesn’t speak to your higher self?

        BPD’s are not your ‘problem’, they are the section least acquipped with facing the pain. You don’t help them by making them feel good. You help them by breaking down the conditioned patterns. You take THEM to pain and let them stay there. That’s the only way to cure. My messsage is = go within, Find the Truth of your relationships. Did you enable the emotional responses by making them FEEL GOOD, or did you attempt to break it down. It’s not for the faint hearted. You have to truly love the person, to be able to go through with it, not feed on how they make you feel (temporarily). If you can’t do it – walk away.

        You have to break down yourself to basics. See who you are, truly, without lying and making the picture rosy.

        I don’t try to force anything. You can take it or leave it. I am not the one who is struggling to fing the answers. I’ve paid my dues to the Gods of Self delusion – in full.

      • MovingForward85 said

        I understand your point but its not like its anything that hasnt been said before. Theres more to people that you give credit for. No one said I AM unhappy, I said I was unhappy, until I gathered knowledge. You make as if we sit at home looking for targets to label. Isnt it natural to please someone, especially your partner? It looms within us. I dont after the first fight decide to run away and label. I knew nothing of this illness and inturn did my best to make things work. That is definitely not a reflection on me and my nature. Thats a case of myself weighing up options and moving cautiously forward accordingly. Ive had a healthy life with no reason for me to attract unhealthy minded people, whether its their fault or not. Ie: being raped, abused etc.

        You do not look from an outsiders perspective. You seem to ask questions of others before delving into yourself. Thats why I say that there are too many similarities

      • savorydish said

        You hit it right on the bullseye here. She does not look for an outsider perspective, which is why she wants us to shut down this blog. She wants to silence the TRUTH. Because it ruins her chance of living her entire life in DENIAL.

        Women like Salty are dangerous because they are so intelligent and articulate. To the untrained eye, she seems perfectly normal. To those who have little experience with traumatized women, she seems like she is a spiritual preacher. Totally put together.

        But those who know, know this is an illusion, an elaborate ruse. She is a high-functioning woman in public. And a dysfunctional mess in private. We who populate this blog know this act well. And we know how it affects loved ones.

      • Moving Forward, I did exactly as you suggest – delving deep within myself for the past two years, in solitude, because I HAD to know the Truth of what moves this world. I demolished every existing belief within and only then I saw things as they really are. Not as a fantasy or someone else’s story. None of what I write is theoretical, all from raw experience and asking questions of myself.

        You have to examine your belief behind the word ‘happiness’. I don’t look for happiness, because I KNOW its fleeting nature and the external origins. I look for balance, of both the negative and the positive, for those to meet in the middle. Do you know that yuk feeling most people get within? Every time it appears.. did you bother asking yourself why it’s there and what brought it on? By now it left me almost entirely.

        When your boss calls you at ten in the morning and says he/she wants to see you in the afternoon.. what do feel inside? Most likely ‘I am in trouble’, and then spend the next few hours trying to shake off the feeling of doom. Only to find out at the meeting that he/she wants you to concentrate on a project he/she has in mind. You projected your fear into the future which was not even there. And people do the same in small and big things, attached to the outcomes and fearing them.

        I know there is more to people. People have incredible capacity to see what’s true and real. They KNOW deep within what’s true and real. Yet, they are caught in their
        immediate everyday survival dramas to miss the fact that Life is very very simple. Lies are complicated.

        MovingForward, you are a strong male, right? Confident, self assured? Do you realise that you guys have the seed to give to women, to show them ethics, principles, to show them that you STAND FOR SOMETHING IN THIS LIFE? Ever thought of that? Every deed that comes to a woman – will come through a man. A child, a home, security, feeling protected or feeling abused.. she will pay back in love and unconditional acceptance IF she sees that in a male. And if she sees someone who cares about appearances (money, status, looks, ‘stuff’), rather than his true essence.. she’ll play the game. She learned it somewhere down the line from other males in her life.. her father, her brother, her first love, her abuser etc.. Men carry the active energy within them, women respond. All the macho females who play the male game in the world – pretend. They learned to play the game to survive.

        Deep down women don’t want you to make them feel good. They will feel good when they stand next to a man feeling proud of who he is, in his character.

        No, you don’t sit at home and look for targets to label, you bash them in a blog. Walk away with dignity. Or fight for her if you really feel she is worth it. ‘She’ is not ‘a condition’. She is lost at the extreme end of the scale, we are ALL on a scale between 1 and 10, ask any psychologist and they will tell you that definition of normality does not exist.

        I won’t write anymore. I understand the purpose of this blog. Just go beyond the surface, will you?

      • ‘That doesn’t make for a healthy relationship’… I don’t have a relationship with you, Savory.

        If I remember correctly you said to Mitch ‘Come back here when you are ready to listen’. I didn’t tell him anything you don’t know already. I told him what I saw.

        Relationships are NEVER a zen garden, and it IS utter bullshit to believe that. Two individuals coming together is a collision of two universes, with distinct identities and life histories. Are they going to find a way to blend those together in love, or tear each other to shreds?

        From you – maybe, shreds. I see an angry and extremely unhappy man, ruled by his automatic, knee jerk reactions. You know the Known. You don’t know THE UNKNOWN… the
        Darkness that dwells deep inside you. I said before.. you have a long shadow, it takes me a few minutes to discern a man for who he is. I am not saying you are ‘bad’ or ‘good. Just.. another brainwashed human willing to relive his traumas again and again. How long have you been running this blog for?

        As for my relationships… they were not zen, but neither were they traumatic. All of the men are still my friends, including my ex husband whom I speak to regularly. I recently moved to another country, and he called to find out if everything was well. I stayed with his family and am friends with his wife. He told me he regrets how things went and wishes it was different. It’s been twelve years.

        I didn’t have that many relationships. I am choosy. I don’t see what a man HAS, but what he IS.

        The science of trauma doesn’t support… hmmmm.. You see, I don’t live by the science of trauma, I just live, that simple. How about THE SCIENCE OF LIFE, Savory? Have you MASTERED yours?

        You don’t give anything of yourself, you suck the energy of others like a leech. Nothing life affirming comes out of you. Go take elsewhere, not from me. I am not willing to play your games.

      • savorydish said

        Ah, finally the truth comes trickling out. What was depicted as a zen garden, now reveals itself to be a series of broken relationships, ultimately ending in divorce. So can you please admit that intimacy eludes you?

        I’m not angry at you. I don’t care enough about you to hate you. I am making an impassioned plea for you to get the help you need. I am trying to break down your wall of denial. Not you. If you put down your survivor instincts you will see that. But that may be an impossible request seeing that you are too traumatized to embrace the Truth.

        I know you don’t live by the science of trauma. That is clear as day. That is the essence of denial. You are denying the ripple effect that rape has and therefore denying the harm you have caused yourself and others. You are trying to evade guilt and repsonsibility.

        That is why you showed up out of nowhere, out of hibernation. Something posted recently triggered a response. Triggered that feminst/rape survivor instinct to fight and cloak.

        You came here with hidden agendas but you weren’t fooling me. I knew you were full of shit when you first got here. It was just a matter of drawing out the truth. Removing the mask so we could see the real you.Not this bullshit new age persona that you have invented.

        You have revealed your true intent and your hostile intentions. You are obsessed with your own victimhood while actively dismissing the experience of other victims. Shame on you. That is abusive behavior. Targeting vulnerable people is predatory behavior.

        You were bitten by a vampire at age 7. Do you know what happens to people who are bitten by a vampire? Without treatment, they become the next generation of vampires. Please get some help. And stay out of relationships until you have spent 7 years in treatment.

      • You asked me, I answered every question you asked, without hiding. You asked about rape, I answered, without hiding. Now you say it was a rape survivor card. I repeat… I never felt any trauma from that and never took it with me anywhere in life. You attempting to chain me to this- is the same as attempting to chain a black person to their colour… an automatic sweep based on something which has no bearing on a person’s life. Of course, you choose to believe that I lie. I don’t and there is no way of telling you otherwise. Believe what you already have in your mind. The only problem with that… imagine you meet the most amazing, well rounded, emotionally mature woman, Everything is good. Then she tells you she was raped as a child. What you are going to do? Run this little programme in your head which tells you she is only ‘pretending’ to be that amazing individual?

        And if I meet an amazing man who had a history of BPD relationships… should I do the same? Should I ‘assume’ he is damaged and therefore I should avoid him like a plague?

        The Truth is not found in the facts of someone’s life. The truth is found in what we are choosing to DO with those AT THIS PRESENT MOMENT IN TIME. You choose to dwell there, going through the blog, telling everyone how you were shut out again etc… I chose to find out who I am and what exactly Life is about. Life is not about Pain and Darkness, I Know this from experience. It’s not about condemning yourself and OTHERS again and again, chained to your past because you were raped, or had an abusive relationship with a BPD or some such thing. It’s about evolving from it.

        Savory.. are you a Scorpio, by any chance?

      • savorydish said

        You didn’t reveal your rape until after 10 rounds of exchanges. I practically had to squeeze it out of you.

        You asked me why I was angry. I gave you the honest answer.

        It doesn’t mean I am accusing you of using your rape card. I am not. I am accusing you of hiding from the truth. I am accusing you of gaslighting and staying in denial. Please stay on topic. It’s hard enough having a conversation with you without you flying off on a tangent.

        If you meet an amazing man who has a history of BPD relationships (like me), you should assume he is damaged. I freely admit that I have been damaged by my borderline relationships. Just like I assume a rape survivor who is in denial and has never been through treatment is not only damaged but could also be potentially damaging to me.

    • Savory, you are not angry at me, I never said that. But you ARE angry. Who are you angry at?

      You want perfection. You ask ANY human what kind of life they had, and NO ONE, NOT ONE PERSON, will tell you it was paradise. And you want to USE that against them as ‘evidence’ of your theories? You want to use rape as ‘evidence’ of abusive behaviour? You want to use the fact that people may have a few relationships throughout their life, as ‘evidence’ of something being wrong with them???

      What the hell is wrong with you?

      • Just how old are you?

      • savorydish said

        Says the woman in denial. Gaslighting again.

        Why am I angry? Because women like you get away with murder. And all you have to do is shed tears from your sad puppy dog eyes and show everyone your rape survivor card and you get out of jail free. I call bullshit.

        Your trail of broken relationships is not evidence that there is something wrong with you. The FACT that you were RAPED at seven is all the evidence I need. Get that through your thick wall of denial.

        How old am I? I am old enough and experienced enough to know bullshit when I smell it. Don’t try that Jedi mind trick on me, because you are only revealing your dirty tactics.

        Pointing out your crazy antics does not make me crazy. It makes me sober as hell.

      • I am beginning to like you.

        I don’t know what gaslighting means.

        Why do you feel the need to accuse? You want me to admit something which is not true, it’s like admitting crime under torture. I can tell you anything you want to hear… this will not make for the Truth.

        I told you I’ve dealt with my demons (which had nothing to do with rape). I told you it was like being skinned alive. Did you EVER bother asking me how I did it? You believe in therapy, and not an ability of people to find their own answers and healing? Is that right?

        Savory, I assume NOTHING. I see what IS at this moment in time. I feel your shadow at a distance, not an accusation, just stating the fact. In an hour or a day or a month or a year it will be different, and then I will tell it as is then. I accept people for who they are. I just don’t like them to drown in their emotional dramas of the past. There is a way out ot it.


      • savorydish said


        Gaslighting is what untreated trauma survivors do to loved ones when that loved one points out the effects of trauma. “I’m not the one who’s crazy. You are.” It’s getting someone to doubt their own common sense even though science and logic support it.

        I want you to admit what is true. Your denial of it doesn’t make it less true.

        A traumatized mind is incapable of diagnosing itself, never mind healing itself. That is the point that I am making. And I am hitting a brick wall.

        If the word accusation is making it difficult then dispose of it. It’s not like I’m reporting you to the Trauma Police. You literally have nothing to lose to consider the possibility that I may be right.

        True recovery happens when you are open to this possibility.

      • For all it’s worth… I don’t want to hurt you.I really don’t.

        Just felt your pain. I am sorry.

      • savorydish said

        And I feel sorry for your pain. But denial will only prolong it.

      • “I’m not the one who’s crazy. You are.” if you are an objective and detached man, you will see that we BOTH stated this in each other’s direction, no?

        I am not in pain. I was, yes, from trying to live Life according to the ‘rules’ of this world. When those limitations were smashed – it all came out. I’ll tell you how a person in an emotional agony (not through rape) heals the Mind… it loses it. As in – you want to die. NOTHING MATTERS. What happens then – you wake up with a clean slate. And the Intelligence comes back.

        Savory.. try to feel, instead of think, sometimes. Feelings and thoughts are connected on a loop, both feed into one another. If we neglect emotional states in favour of ‘think’.. we miss out on what our bodies tell us, the raw primary original state of who we are. Not our Minds.

        I can’t really explain this to you, and I don’t expect you to understand. You have to walk through the gate. I worked with people in emotional distress and know how it works, although I never counselled anyone per se. No amount of therapy will help. Only when you hit the emotional rock bottom.

        I respect your path, but it’s not mine.

        Again, I am sorry for disturbing your blog and for any pain I caused to you.

      • savorydish said

        I accept your apology and respect you for it. I sense you are a decent person who has been through some awful experiences. It was never my intent to throw salt on your wounds. So I apologize if I have re-opened them.

        You did not disturb my blog, because I am open to all opinions. And welcome the opportunity to gain more insight into your world. I can never know what it’s like to be you. So I won’t pretend I can.

        I can just say I am sorry it happened. If I am angry it’s because rape and rapist exist. All I can say is it is a pain that affects more than just the survivors.

        I made the choice to love a trauma survivor. I hold myself responsible for staying when I knew she would only hurt me. It is unclear whether I abandoned her or she abandoned me. It doesn’t matter.
        I am just heart broken it ended the way it did.

      • savorydish said

        To answer your question about gaslighting, we both have to be detached to determine who is the traumatized one, who is the one living in denial.

        You are correct in asserting it is one person’s POV over another. But when one individual has a history of trauma, then the debate is over.

        This is not about throwing labels around. It’s about identifying trauma.

      • I feel we can be open with one another. Thank you for this opportunity.

        I was sincere when I said rape didn’t affect me emotionally or mentally. I hadn’t formed an attachment to that event, possibly because of my psychological makeup. It is like a motion picture in my memory, similar to the pictures of kindergarten or family outings. But the way my life went thereafter and what I saw around – did. I had some close to awful experiences, never thought of it as something out of the ordinary. Because EVERYONE around had some sort of shitty drama going on. It grinds you down, subconsciously. You start BELIEVING it’s the norm of what the world is.

        Please do not feel you re-opened wounds. I already dug deep into them. The Big Questions were: what is the meaning of it all? What am I doing in this world? Who the
        hell AM I? At some point I wanted nothing but Death. I just couldn’t cross the barrier to Truth, couldn’t see, it was like running after my own tail. I read loads, analysed loads, cried loads, looked back at my life… And then one day it hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess I was so exhausted emotionally and mentally after two years of non stop inner self mutilation and questioning that everything just fell away, and there is was – clear as daylight. The Mind pened up.

        Since then I am gradually losing my ability to think much, all is instinctive. Which is SUCH A RELIEF. Savory, I FELT your pain, as if I was you, Intensely and suddenly, it was bloody aweful. It brought me to make my apology to you. Thank you for accepting it and your honesty.

        If you met me two years ago, I would have been a kind, sensitive, but an insecure and reactive woman, with a strong non conformist streak, a strange combo. And
        insecure people are dangerous in their own ways. They will extract your love, admiration, appreciation and will want more of it, more than humanely possible to give. I didn’t know what love MEANS either, because what ‘love’ is out there is not what it is. I came pretty close in my relationships, but still they were based on some kind of unspoken ‘exchange’. The Game I was oblivious to, Please love me, and I will (insert here). Oh the pain of realising the Truth of it… my ex was probably the only one I loved close to unconditional, Still.. it was a messy co-dependent association.

        I feel no anger, no scorn, no judgement. I’ve lost fear and can’t even take credit for it. It’s not like I fought it through some epic struggle. It just quietly left. So I kind of followed the signs of my inner Wisdom, packed my life back in England and moved countries across continents.

        The closest I can say of contemporaries – Ekhart Tolle. It’s my path. My Mind took me to Freedom from attachment to thinking, those constant mental activities of evaluation, analysis, comparison, conceptualising, categorising, judgement that only human species indulge in and which gives so much survival advantage, but makes the human condition hard to endure. They are only useful in finding practical solutions to immediate problems, not for intimate and brave relating to other beings and the world at large. The Mind is a tool, a vehicle, but we let it drive everything.

        I WAS damaged, we all are to some extent by the mere fact of living a human life. I attempted to understand it and to claw my way out of it. And release came in a very strange way. Make of it what you will. I have no explanation.

        You said something must have prompted me to make a comment. I just saw your agony, and how lost Mitch really is.

        Thank you

  3. jimsc said

    I endured this. Ssme behavior for s long time. Now about evety 6 months she contacts me. Just to block ke out sgsin

    • Mitch Mcmanamon said

      Yeah this is my first bpd ex gf its a tough time. Still haven’t heard from her since the blow up sunday. When she said she dont love me and shes got a new bf. Again prob her way to stop me from coming back. Dont know if she will contact me tho after that. Never fought b4

      • savorydish said

        The first one is always the hardest. After a while you become desensitized and then you become a jaded. It’s best to not sit by the phone waiting for her to call. You’re better off without her. It’s time to figure out why you are stuck on a woman who is damaged when there are so many healthy women out there.

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        I just wana talk and see her. Im not going to her apartment anymore….but I did call her work and hangup so i can hear her voice…..this is fucked up

      • savorydish said

        You’re BSing yourself, Mitch. There’s no such thing as just talking or just seeing her. An addict doesn’t casually meet up with his drugs. You’re either an addict or you’re not. There is no mild dose.

        If you can’t quit yourself, then get help. I know what it’s like. I know how hard it is to quit, but for your own sanity you have to find a way.

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        I just got back from filing my taxes at her work….she saw me on her way out she glared at me and walked out fast…then 1 hour later when I was walking home…I passed her place and no lights were on. So im thinking she might be with another guy. Another me. A substitute mitch. And I dont like that one bit

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        I just got back from filing my taxes at her work….she saw me on her way out she glared at me and walked out fast…then 1 hour later when I was walking home…I passed her place and no lights were on. So im thinking she might be with another guy. Another me. A substitute mitch. And I dont like that one bit. I guess she just got home like 20 mins ago. My dad lives across the street and said her light’s are on now. But no hes not creeping her for me. But like I said….she looked angry at me and then rushed out of her work without saying a word

      • savorydish said

        If you don’t mind me saying so, you sound like a guy who has a lot of years ahead of him. Don’t waste it on a woman who can’t love you back. When I think back on all the women I thought I couldn’t live without, I laugh. I was young and stupid.

  4. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    But I need to beable to set it straight. Even if just friends or something. I know she has to be thinking of me. She always mentioned her ex of 10 years well off and on. When we were together. So she must think of me. And he slept with her sister. So who knows.

    • savorydish said

      In 10 years you won’t even care. You are tangled up in your own drama. If you just lifted yourself out of the drama you would see how silly it is to think about what she is thinking. Find a healthy woman who thinks of you as fondly as you think of her.

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        Ya know I have a hard time meeting women. Im almost 30 and I wanted to settle down soon. So idk what im gunna do. I haven’t felt this bad since the whole thing last monday when she said this has to be goodbye. Then I asked well how will we ever talk again. She said she can unblock me from fb or email. But I mean I dont wana wait forever. I want that now.

      • savorydish said

        Ok. Now we are getting to the root of the problem. You’re a late bloomer and you’re afraid you’ll never meet someone again. So you’re clinging onto this damaged woman thinking lightning will not strike again. But you’re wrong. How do I know? Because I was you. I learned to talk to women. I learned to socialize. I learned all the things I needed to never ever feel like I had to settle. First thing’s first. Learn to LISTEN.

  5. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    I dont think its that. She accepted me and made me feel good about myself.
    I honesty love Sarah still. We had alot of good things together

    • savorydish said

      Yeah. That’s what borderlines do. They make you feel like you’re the most amazing person in the world until they move onto the next guy who is the most amazing person in the world.

    • Learn to accept yourself, Mitch.

      You don’t love ‘HER’. You love how she made you feel. You sound obsessive and needy.

      • savorydish said

        That is the very nature of BPD relationships. The borderline creates an addiction to feel good chemicals in our body. And when they suddenly leave it creates a void.

        If the addict sounds obsessive and needy it’s because that is what it’s like to be in a state of withdrawal. If you’ve ever seen a junky on the street you will see the same look of desperation and despair.

        As you noted, love has nothing to do with this. But one thing borderlines are very good at is creating the illusion of love. So you can not blame the addict for thinking he was in love.

        He has already begun the process of realization. In time, he will see who and what he was dealing with as the effects of the addiction wear off. The first time is always the hardest. Because it feels like your whole world is crumbling.

        In that moment, we all become obsessive and needy. Yes, the key to recovery is filling the void with self love. But that will take time and monumental effort. Because a borderline relationship fills you with self-doubt and shame. It feels like climbing out of a valley.

        So what Mitch needs now is empathy. He needs compassion. He needs to know he is not alone. He needs to feel the love to know the difference between love and addiction.

      • The Void has already been there, if you look closely, its presence intrinsic to most humans.

        An emotionally mature individual has the capacity to discern what’s healthy and uplifting in a relationship, and has a choice to walk away if it sucks the soul out of him/her.

        People subconsciously love the pain of grand emotions, Savoury Dish. You cannot blame the drug for making you unhappy, in the same way you cannot make the gun fire without the finger on the trigger.

      • savorydish said

        I am not blaming the drug. Nor am I denying the existence of a void. I am explaining why it is so hard for him to simply walk away.

        Nothing you are saying is incorrect. It’s how you’re saying it. An addict doesn’t just get over it. He must go through a lengthy process of healing.

        You sound like you have intimate knowledge of addiction so you probably know what it’s like. And therefore, you can offer your own story.

        Personal stories tend to be more effective than judgement and facts when trying to reach someone who is in an irrational state.

      • “I am not blaming the drug”…. are you sure? What’s the purpose of this blog?

        There is a lot of sludge and dirt inside, but people will prefer to look for external reasons as to why this or that didn’t work.
        I point that finger at myself first. It’s my life, whomever I ‘me’ attracted into it – is a manifestation of MY traits, behaviour and attitudes.

        Savoury Dish, you can’t tell people how and what they should post if you want them to be authentic. That’s a bit.. controlling, don’t you feel?

      • savorydish said

        Do you have a fear of people controlling you? Is that why you act holier than all? There is nothing authentic about a person who compensate for an inferiority-complex by acting high and mighty.

      • The mask of politeness slips off the minute you feel slighted, and the minute your ASSUMPTIONS take hold of you.

        And you wonder why you people attract assholes, huh..
        Savoury, I am not a boarderline, never have been. And I do have a psychology degree. It’s just that you don’t see what you are contributing to your own misery.

        I was addicted to a person once. It took self honesty, deep (and I mean DEEP) digging inside my psyche to SEE the world and its main players for what it is. Trust me, it’s painful beyond anything, like being skinned alive.

        You are side skipping the issue in your blog.

        Maybe, I have disturbed the ‘consensus’ here. But isn’t it how the Truth is born. It’s easy to shoot down anyone who makes you feek uncomfortable. So Why the discomfort? That’sa more productive, solution seeking question, instead of labeling. This is the first immature, child like reaction in humans. That’s why I said – people are children who never grew up.

      • savorydish said

        Wow. You really are full of yourself. If we could only be as perfect as you. But seriously, you should take that psychology degree and examine why you feel the need to act superior to everyone around you. It smells like you’re compensating for bad mistakes made in your past.

        Nobody here feels slighted or uncomfortable. That is you fantasizing that you have some control over men.

        I can smell a man-hater a mile away. Some guy screwed you over and now you’re looking for control.

        You have some obsession with people acting like children but you are too busy judging people to realize that you are the one acting like an obnoxious child. If you don’t like the blog then find the exit. Nobody is forcing you to be here.

      • MovingForward85 said

        Since I’ve belonged to this blog. Salty Poems has been the second person to come along and justify his/her radical explanation to how and why we feel how we do. S.P has told us to look within only to accuse and point fingers shortly after. We are here to support eachother and help those that are confused and hurt. Its strange how the only people who take offence are the ones that havnt quite admitted nor have helped themselves with their own “problems”.

        Psychology degree or not, it will not improve your chances of delving deep within youself. My ex bpd has a psychology degree and she has no idea of her actions and her illness.

        I, like Savory was willing to welcome your point , until you started calling names and pointing fingers. Now Ive lost complete interest .

      • savorydish said

        It amuses me that she thinks that having a degree in psychology makes her infallible. I feel like she is the type of person that always has to be right. We all made mistakes and we remain humble about it. But she seems to be pushing this illusion that it transformed her into the second coming of Buddha. She has no idea how abrasive she has become. Or that this is her defense mechanism to keep people at a distance. She has lost the ability to empathize for the sake of protecting herself. If she would just get off her high horse her message would be heard. But she likes it up there.

      • I don’t feel superior to anyone. I like men, they are magnificent creatures when they have the strength of character and independence of spirit. The man who you say ‘screwed me up’ – I hold in the highest esteem. He taught me the inner freedom and how not to be a girl. I owe him my Life, truly.

        There is nothing in my comments which says I am perfect, there is no such thing as perfect. Can you feel people at a distance? Not really. It requires receptivity and heart.

        Look at my comments with detached objectivity. In one passage you’ve given me more labels than all the people (men and women) I know in real life. And why?

        You can’t SEE beyond your Ego, can’t see the REAL reason for the existence of this blog. You know.. I followed it since last year and a year ago – I would have been ‘you’. Not anymore. But you can choose to peddle the illusion, instead of asking some real questions.

        This exchange is futile.

      • savorydish said

        No. It is you who can’t see beyond your ego. You’re projecting. I know you think you are above it all. You have no idea how condescending you are because you’ve packaged it in some bullshit spiritual pretense. You’re not as spiritually enlightened as you think you are. You’re like the guy who spent years in prison and now fancies himself a born again Christian.

      • It hit the nerve, did it not, Savoury?
        You are right, psychology degree is bullshit, and I mentioned it because I want you to know that I am not a novice in that. Psychology doesn’t teach people ANYTHING about the human condition.

        Giving people psychological labels of any kind does not elevate them from their misery. Writing articles about how ‘bad’ they are – does not make for empathy and compassion. Putting together a clinical ‘picture’ of what makes a BPD or any other ‘disorder’ – does not free those people from it. So why are you so attached to the psychological theory here?

        Yes, I spent years in prison – of my own making, just like the majority of people out there. And being Christian is a lie, in the same way as being a Buddhist. Just another way of joining the flock.

        I am writing this and smiling… you know why? Because at some point I said ALL those things to someone that you are telling me and about me now. But it’s not about me, is it.

        So what IS the purpose of your blog, really?

      • savorydish said

        Is that what this silly little rant is about? You want to hit a nerve? You want people to pay attention to you? You want to have an effect on people?

        I have tried to tell you I agree with you on many points, but you are too busy trying to maintain this image that you are above it all. You are so eager to start a fight. Why? Your argument has fallen on deaf ears and I have tried to help you by telling you to be more compassionate and less abrasive.

        You came here with guns blazing and you wonder why no one is listening to you. Are you that clueless? Try a softer approach. Try being more human and less of a judgmental asshole.

        Mitch has just found out his girlfriend is sleeping with another man. He just found out that his girlfriend is dealing with BPD, BiPolar and a history of sexual abuse. And you have ZERO compassion and empathy. ZERO.

        You are quick to admonish him and condemn him when he has just begun the process of healing. WHO do you think YOU are?

        This IS about you. But you feel more comfortable being in the judge’s podium. If you could just hear yourself speak, you would be laughing as hard as I am. I’m embarrassed for you. You are so full of yourself it’s painful. You want so badly for everyone to think you are this enlightened creature when you are in fact acting like a bargain basement bully. Get real.

        This blog is a diary. It is my tell-all story. It is not meant to be Scripture. It is one man’s experience with troubled women. It is here for public consumption.

        YOU may not care for it. But others do. Others find comfort in knowing they are not alone. They find comfort in knowing there is a name for what they went through. So why are you trying to piss on their parade? So you can feel more enlightened? Holier than thou?

        Come down from your pedestal and join the discussion. Then maybe you will be heard.

      • Savory… comfort is the last thing people should be seeking after being dragged through the mill. Comfort will take them exactly back where they started, no healing will take place, and the same cycle will repeat itself. Can you not see it?

        I don’t want to be right, just true. Why does everything need to be sugar coated? I said Mitch is childlike and pityful.. is that not true? If it hurts his pride.. well, he would have some growing up to do. And he may as well, you see exactly why a woman with a healthy appreciation of life will not give him a second glance. He will end up going back into the mess of co-dependent relationships with women akin to himself. Again, is that not true? We attract our mirrors.

        Condemnation would have been more of ‘You deserve what you got, and you will never get anything else, because you are stupid’. It’s like you telling me to get off my high horse:)

        There is a difference between judgement and discernment. I discern him as a lost and immature man. Not true? I don’t judge him for it. But he NEEDS to recognise it in himself, before he can move forward.

        Nice, cozy words don’t mean compassion, Savory, and don’t help anyone. Consensus is a lullaby to keep people comfortably asleep within their comfort zone. Where is inner growth in that? You tell me.
        I don’t wonder if anyone is listening or not. I know you do.

        Be well.

      • savorydish said

        It’s like talking to a brick wall.

      • savorydish said

        At this point, you are just splitting hairs to save face. Not really saying much of anything. Just “blah blah blah, I’m right. You’re wrong. blah blah blah. I’m an infallible goddess who knows everything. blah blah.”

        Mitch has things he needs to work on. I have things I need to work on. YOU definitely have things you need to work on. But you will never know what that is, because you want to believe you have figured out life.

      • savorydish said

        I think you need to start questioning your own maturity and your ability to connect with people on a human level. Good luck with that.

      • savorydish said

        You telling Mitch he is a child and needs to grow up is not helping him grow up. The fact that you think it does tells us you’ve got some growing up to do.

      • savorydish said

        I agree that we attract our mirrors. And if that is the case with you, god help you.

      • savorydish said

        You talk about comfort. And all I can say is you are clearly someone who is not comfortable with herself, which explains all the grandstanding and posturing. You’re like the politician who speaks loudly while hiding hookers and bags of coke in his hotel room.

      • savorydish said

        I get that you were emotionally traumatized. And now to protect yourself, you’ve created this alter-ego. You stand on a pedestal because someone in your past knocked you down from great heights. And now you are attempting to reclaim those heights. But in the process, you are making yourself into a Grade A asshole. Some would call that narcissism.

        You think it’s such an amazing accomplishment that you got me to listen to you when I listen to everyone who visits my little blog. You have met the bare minimum requirements and now you are patting yourself on the back. Does that not scream low self-esteem?

      • MovingForward85 said

        Savory, like you have pointed out… this person has arrived here to get under the skin and purposely attempt to ruffle feathers. It clearly shows immaturity. First thing that comes to mind with hearing her “argument” is, she seems to pride herself in literary banter which in turn seems to empower her. “Talk the talk but cannot walk the walk” so to speak.

        You know better than I do that there is no point engaging someone of this nature.

      • savorydish said

        Yes, she is indeed the type of person who gets pleasure from getting under people’s skin. I recognize that. And when it gets to the point where it becomes disruptive then I will deal with her like I have dealt with so many other upstarts.

        But for now she serves a purpose. There is a point. And that is to illustrate that personality disorders come in all shapes and sizes. She says she is not borderline, but yet she uses all the same attention-seeking tactics. She demonstrates the same inferiority complex we have seen over and over again.

        Ultimately, this is far more useful than providing you with clinical studies and scientific jargon. It is taking you to the aquarium so you can observe the shark tank. You can see how bitter that pill really is if you swallow it. This is the beast in its natural habitat. This is how it feeds on you and wears you down.

        Salty Tears is lonely and looking for some drama. That’s why she keeps coming back. She is lonely. She is screaming for attention. We can all see that except her. I have no illusion that she will listen to a word we say. Or that she will drop her defenses.

        But I do know from experience that eventually even they can not keep up the illusion. So many have come before her (Sady Doyle, Garland Grey, Miss Lex, Mina Jade, etc. ) Pontificating and foaming at the mouth. And they have all (one by one) disappeared. Because deep in their subconscious (behind the BS and the posturing) we have implanted a seed of doubt.

        Will that seed of doubt grow into self-awareness? That is a question for them. Not us. But for now she does serve a purpose. She is a reminder of what can happen to all of us when we do not keep the ego in check. It is a reminder to stay humble and help others for the sake of helping others. As opposed to judging people in order to gain status in our own clouded minds. She is a DON’T as opposed to a DO.

      • savorydish said

        We may be listening but we are laughing at the woman who can’t stop pontificating. Laughing at a woman so filled with self righteousness she can’t see that she is making an ass of herself.

      • savorydish said

        Not one person is reading your comments thinking “wow. She is a really amazing person. So insightful and so brilliant. I wish I could be just like her.”

      • Infallable goddess, LOL… hardly. As I said no one is perfect.

        Life cannot be ‘figured out’, because we KNOW NOTHING, and never will. Savory… there are only two things to be sure of in this Universe… you are… you will die. From that, all the human bickering fades into obscurity pretty fast, loses any meaning. Not Life, Just its ugly manifestations.

        My Ego sees, but doesn’t feel the need to laugh at anyone, or suck people for admiration… why on earth would anyone want to BE LIKE SOMEONE ELSE? Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. What does this comment say about your inner emotional patterns? And I am only scratching the surface here.

        Narcissism!! I even used that same word!! Listen, narcissists have a very high self esteem. You have to decide if I am one or another. You’ve ‘explained me away’ and so now can we get back to the subject?

        The subject is: what cures people from their obsessions with others.

      • savorydish said

        This one loves hearing herself speak. She fancies herself a poet, but she is merely a rotting cake with too much frosting. Attacking others serves to take the attention of her self-doubt and low self-esteem. She needs to question her own obsession with others.

      • savorydish said

        She literally can not stop pontificating. She has some sort of Messiah complex. Obfuscation is a sign of a person who is desperately trying to impress the reader, but actually reveals a tangled mind. Narcissists use over-confidence and arrogance as a facade to hide their low self worth. It is a form of denial. If she actually knew anything about psychology she would know that.

      • As you can see – you will carry on attacking, your shadow (you have a long one) follows you around like a plague. The question about what kind of people we attract in our lives and why – still stands. You’ve had A HISTORY of BDP relationships. I didn’t, NOT ONCE, Savory.

        It takes two to tango. Your mind is closed off to anything outside of your own little story that you keep running on a loop, oblivious to its origins and the implications. Your involuntary conditioned responses show nothing constructive, but a desire to fight and ‘win’ over. That is a sad reality out there… this is what people do to one another each and every day.

        The blog is exclusivelly for venting frustrations and coddling each other in an attempt to hide away from the big question – why does it keep happening to me? I don’t see anyone actually getting healthy from it. You want a superficial meaningless exchange going nowhere real… which you’ve just created through this exchange. That’s not support. I am sorry you can’t see it.

        I am not interested in useless bickering.

      • savorydish said

        Thank you for sharing info I already know. But once again just another superficial attempt to feel superior as opposed to a genuine desire to help people. Now I understand why you think so little of yourself. Thanks for that insight into who you are.

      • savorydish said

        What is your point? That we are all horrible people and you are a gift to humanity. Who are you trying to convince? You’ve already said we are all lost causes. So why waste your breath?

        You say you’re not interested in bickering but here you are for round 10. Still tryin to score an internet victory.

        Why pretend to be concerned for everyone’s well being when it is clear you are just trying to boost your own ego.

        We are all really impressed that you have never had a BPD relationship. We are in awe. Because we have never met someone as well adjusted as yourself.

      • savorydish said

        You’re not here for conversation. Because you only want to hear yourself speak. So what is your agenda?

      • savorydish said

        Mitch just went to seek help for the very first time. Many more have detached from toxic relationships. Many more have recovered from depression. Maybe the reason why you don’t see anyone getting healthy is because you don’t wanna see it

      • savorydish said

        The attacks started with you. We have only responded to your hostility.

      • savorydish said

        What you choose to ignore is your own abusive tendencies. And then your denial of those tendencies. Your complete lack of compassion for people here tells me you are a horrible human being. So I wouldn’t be so sure you are above the world of personality disorders. Maybe the reason why you hate this blog so much is it talks about women like you.

      • savorydish said

        As you can see, dear Salty, nobody here is being coddled. Not even Mitch.

        We do ask the Big Question you speak of. At least I do. So you need not lose sleep. But that’s not what you want to hear. Is it?

        I just CHOOSE not to be cold hearted when I pose that question to others. I choose to show humanity and compassion.

        The fact that you belittle such concepts shows an antisocial/sociopathic side to you. Not good. I smell man-hater. A dark past with men.

        This is not bickering. This is me showing the world who you really are. What you are.

        This blog has proven to be a litmus test. The people who want it taken down almost always fit a certain profile.

        You hate this blog because the facts and opinions here so accurately describe YOU.

        You think by attacking this blog and badmouthing everyone here it will invalidate the TRUTH. But it actually confirms it.

        You’re just too self absorbed to see that. I hope some day you choose to work on YOUR issues.

        But given you have displayed sociopathic and narcissistic qualities, the chances of self reflection are very slim.

        There is a reason why you zeroed in on poor Mitch. You saw a mirror reflection. And you did not like what you saw. So you tried to smash the mirror.

        You see, not even you are coddled. So we pose the Big Question to you. Do you dare answer it? Or are you better at questioning others?

        No need to respond. These are all things for you to think about.

      • I will respond to you. You want me to, don’t play games here.

        Please detach from your Ego egg perceptions of me and see the real intent behind what I say. I don’t hate the blog, I don’t hate you, you did absolutely nothing to provoke those kinds of feelings, and hate is not an emotion I am intimate with.

        I see an intelligent and sensitive being who is lost in a vicious circle of placing the blame for own torturous experiences on an outside agency. We attract those who will give us the best lessons to learn about ourselves. What do you do instead? You choose to meticulously go through the ‘faults’ of women who have genuine emotional problems. Who were screwed up by the world at large, who have not been given either compassion nor TOOLS to deal with that, who are completely lost to the beauty of own womanhood. Have you actually placed yourself in the position of a young innocent girl, a future woman, with all her naivety, her desire for nothing but love – to be at the hands of, yes, a man of no scruples and no conscience? Do you have any idea just HOW COMMON this is out there in the world? Open your eyes to Reality.

        Not every woman will turn into a BPD, as a result, true. Not every person catches a cold after being exposed to a virus. But do you, a man, have the compassion TO SEE THAT? TO FEEL THAT? Do you have the strength, courage and humility to let go of someone without scorn and condemnation and ‘analysis’ of their ‘condition’? Do you love yourself enough to stay away from toxic relationships?

        As for Mitch getting help.. His doctor will offer him antidepressants or tranquilisers (for the record.. I never took any in my life)… which will dull his pain and will keep him doped. If he has any common sense – he will turn those down. He may then be offered a session or two with a counsellor who will pleasantly put him in another comfortable state, to take his emotional focus away from the pain too, and without offering any depth of understanding. He will come out of it thinking he is now ‘better’. Some weeks down the line he will feel the Void AND will try to fill it through another ‘relationship’. He will be back.

        You cannot know TRUE compassion until you know very intimately who you truly are. You cannot offer support to anyone until you have supported yourself through your pain and suffering. YOURSELF, Savory. No gods, counsellors, therapists or well meaning individuals will take you where you need to find real answers.

        You are skimming the surface. Opinions don’t make the Truth, Beliefs don’t make the Truth. Rationalising the real human suffering doesn’t make the Truth.

        What is the Big Question, Savory? I honestly didn’t get it, you wrote so much.

      • savorydish said

        LOL. How did I know you would be back?

        I have already told you I agree with most of what you’re saying. What I don’t agree with is your high and mighty disposition. It is designed to bolster your own ego and belittle others.

        So what do you want from me? Do you want credit for enlightening me? Do you want to feel like your life has some purpose?

        All the things you have written in your comments has already been said by me or someone else here. So what is the purpose of your sermon?

      • savorydish said

        You say you shun religion. But my how you love pontificating. Not for the sake of healing. But for the sake of ego. That is my problem with you and your comments.

        But this message seems lost on you. As does the concept of compassion. The Big Question is this- what demons are you battling that have lead you here. Something here must have caught your eye.

        Pontificating is easy. Self disclosure is hard. Be brave and share. Come down from that pedestal and mingle with the commoners.

      • savorydish said

        The point of this blog is simple to allow people to vent and to share. Because knowing that you’re not alone is very healing. Giving people answers in a time when they are in darkness is crucial to healing. I don’t expect you to understand because you have shown little interest in empathizing with your fellow man. But that is your issue. Not ours.

      • Well… that was the first real sign of humility I feel from you, however small.

        Not a sermon, Savory. If you know all these things, why keep targeting these women? The best you can offer them is not to fall for the game. Tracing them on Facebook (another voyeristic experience, I don’t have an account and never will) and agonising over what they will do or not… how is that healthy?

        I don’t have secrets to hide. I came here just over a year ago, because like you, I got locked in a battle with someone I PERCIEVED to be full of himself, a narsiccist an asshole, the high horse, the works. None of what you wrote to me is unfamiliar. Except I was you, and he was me. I too turned to look for rational explanations, looking for ‘condition’, which brought me here.

        We carried on the exchange for two years. It turned out I was WRONG. He simply stated what he saw. My egoistic sensitivities didn’t alow me to step over ‘abrasive’ words and see clearly Truth hurts. When I said I hold this person in highest esteem… no one, I mean absolutely no one changed my life to such an extent. He took me to real FREEDOM. The freedom from unconscious insidious Mind conditioning which societies push on us. The freedom to be who I am really. The freedom of no fear and no judgement. An ability to do away with Intellect and begin to feel Life as a pain free Flow. My physical and inner landscape since then changed beyond recognition. Yes, he was harsh. That was the expression of true love. We give people what they need, not what they want. That’s what he did.

        I fought my demons. As I said it was painful beyond anything I’ve ever known. Worth every second. Pain, when not running away from it – is a great teacher. What’s the difference between venting on a blog and venting to someone in real life? None. People vent to make themselves feel better, but what SOLUTIONS to the issue does it offer? It simply takes them away. Darkness is part of Life, you have to be intimately familiar with it in yourself, to feel it, to understand it and not be afraid of it. People want to feel good all the time. When things happen – they go to pieces and will do anything to get back to ‘feeling good’. Just ask yourself HOW they do it. And why they always come back to the Void. Always, Savory. So I see your ‘ideas’ and your ‘answers’ as self limiting. They don’t offer any real understanding. That’s why I made a comment.

        You deserve better than keeping yourself strapped to this phantom of BPD issue. Go beyond that, that’s all. Go within. That’s where the real treasure is found.

        All my best to you.

      • savorydish said

        Ahhh. Now we get to the core of the matter. You think I target women. You are a born again feminist. I thought I smelled man hater on you.

        Next time, be more upfront with your feminist agenda. And then we won’t have to do this dance of ambiguity. You want me to change topics because you feel it damages the reputation of women. More specifically feminists.

        Would you have been so outraged had I been a woman writing about narcissistic males? Would you have silenced and dismissed Mitch had he been a rape survivor? Would you tell him it was his fault that he was raped? Would you engage in victim blaming?

      • I don’t take sides. I don’t feel outraged. Learn to read correctly, you only want to hear yourself. I would feel for Mitch if such an unfortunate crime took place, and I would hold the woman responsible. A crime against ANY human being is a crime.

        You are a blind fool.

      • savorydish said

        Haha. Sounds like I hit the nail right on the head. Not bad for a blind fool.

      • savorydish said

        So you have one standard for rape survivors. And another for BPD survivors. More specifically male survivors. Rape is unforgivable. But BPD abuse is all right by you.

      • savorydish said

        You were involved with a narcissist. That means you are damaged yourself much like your doppelgänger, Mitch. So put aside the political posturing and let’s get real. No more preaching. We want to hear the story of Salty Poems.

  6. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    Again idk if she is seeing or having sex with anyone…shes gone aslong as 1.5year without sex 1 year 6 months. Shes not one to fuck around. However her relationships last 2 weeks a month like not long. I dont want her to just fuck around. Her number is only 9 guys including me. And shes only 30

  7. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    No I am listening its hard to understand it all.
    iv never been in this b4

    • savorydish said

      Ok. Then stop talking about her. Decide you are ready to leave the world of self delusion.

      • MovingForward85 said

        Mitch. With all due respect to you and this blog. Either you are taking the piss here or you have some serious personal issues that you need to work on. Savory, Tom and myself have tried to help you. You are not listening to any advice we offer. We have all been where you are now.

        You say she makes you feel good about yourself. Thats a big issue right there already. You should not be looking for people to make you feel good about yourself. YOU hold the key to your own happiness. I know you are scorned, we all were but you seem to have other underlying issues.

      • savorydish said

        It’s frustrating. When I talk to Mitch I feel like I’m talking to a younger me. I wanna shake him out of it. But I know where he’s at. I’ve been there. In that dark place where no light escapes. He’s acting like an addict trying to get his next fix. He’s not listening because she’s got him in a trance. He is afraid to look at himself. He must ask why.

  8. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    Well i found out there now is a new guy im heart broken. Im sitting in my doctors office now to get help.

    • savorydish said

      Well, I’m glad you’re getting help.

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        Well my doctor told me by my ex saying her therapist said break up with me and be alone was a lie. Why leave someone who will support you. Anyway that seems like that was her way out.
        she used me for sex from feb 4 till feb 10 but no sex sun and monday. Prob cause she slept with the other guy b4 coming over. Witch she was off at 830…didnt get to my place till 120am anyway I got most my answers I think I wana know why she lied to me and jumped into bed with a new guy so fast

      • savorydish said

        Now you know what a horrible person she is.

      • Mitch Mcmanamon said

        So shes not crying over losing me? Even if thats what she says? How do u know so much about bpd? Shes a bitch.

      • savorydish said

        That would mean she was emotionally attached. Would she have slept with that guy if that were the case?

  9. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    Fuck I know eh. But whys my heart still hurt knowing wat a liar she is. Why do bpd do this?

  10. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    So how can she just jump into bed with someone else after crying and holding me

  11. Mitch Mcmanamon said

    What a hoe haha thanks for helping me

  12. MovingForward85 said

    I see too many similarities with Salty and my ex bpd gf. My ex too was raped when she was young, unfortunately by her father. When I read the way Salty comes across, being very direct and some what confrontational. Its exactly how my ex behaved. I could never get a word in, seemingly everything a said was wrong and she ALWAYS had to have the last word.

    Strangely, my ex also has her psychology degree and she has no clue that she has bpd. I came to this blog looking for help, mainly for answers that my ex didn’t choose to give me. Savory and others here had been through similar experiences and they happily decided to help me. Ive researched and made sense of all the hurt and pain I went through due to people suffering from Bpd. I can tell you that I dont blame them, nor does savory BUT word needs to be spread with regard to how these people manipulate and inevitably ruin lives!

    It doesnt take a rocket scientist to see that Salty has incredible denail issues. Your story and the way you react to Savory is so typical of people we want to stay away from. Not because we fear a challenge but because we know there is no point engaging someone who are so set in their ways. You are not the first to grace this blog abd you wont be the last.

  13. Savory, I want to tell you just how COMMON sexual offences are out there. I said men give women the seed.. it can be either soul destroying or uplifting. But these crimes are on our door step. I just looked back at all the women I know, and it turns out that every second at some point was sexually molested by some screwed up fuck, not always by a physical act.. but someone feeling you up, trying to get into your underwear, close RELATIVES (one had an uncle) attempting to have intercourse with you, offers of sex. You wouldn’t believe it, but I had my first offer at the age of 8!!! I feel LUCKY believe it or not, that I didn’t have a prolonged sexual assault going on, like some women out there.

    Men zoom in on women like heat seeking missiles, it’s a sad reality almost every woman will tell you about from their young girl experiences. They don’t. It’s just a fact. We do talk among ourselves.

    I am not trying to generalise it, but the nature of man is that of a wild animal. They act on their urges, without any compassion for what exactly they are doing to those future women.

    Women grow to misunderstand the power of own sexuality over men, some end up using it for all its worth. That is a sad fact too.

    So both sexes end up playing games with each and hurting one another. No Love. No understanding of just how sacred these relationships are.

    • savorydish said

      With all due respect, Salty, I want you to read what you just wrote and honestly tell me rape has not affected you. I have dated women like you so I know firsthand how rape affects women. It forever taints their view of all men. And more importantly affects how they treat them.

      You say men are beautiful and maginficent, but in reality you loathe them. Read your comment. There is nothing beautiful about how you portray men.

      The human mind is fragile. The mind of a child, even more so. Rape is a traumatic event regardless of whether or not you think you have an attachment to it.

      Because the truth is most women like you suppress it and compartmentalize it. They detach emotionally, but that is part of the damage that has been done. Being emotionally detached is what makes intimacy very difficult if not impossible. At some point, you have to learn how to re-connect to those emotions.

      When you suppress emotions of fear and hate it will come out in awful ways. Whether you are conscious of it or not. This leads to abusive behavior. You felt my pain. This is the pain that comes from being intimate with a woman who hurts you and then emotionally detaches herself.

      Your view of the world has been skewed by this event. The fact is most men do not engage in such acts. But the ones who do come from families and backgrounds similar to yours. Families plagued by PDs and alcohol abuse.

      You have surrounded yourself with women who were sexually abused by family members. That should be a red flag. Birds of a feather flock together.

      Rape victims are not chosen arbitrarily. Predators sniff out women who have a history of sexual abuse. These women are often abused as children just like you but younger. Sad to say this but often it is a close friend or family member who commits these heinous acts.

      Recognize that this is a small percentage of the world. And that percentage corresponds with the number of families that have a history of mental illness. Sexual abuse and mental illness go hand in hand.

      That is why I am imploring you to seek help. At the very least you may gain a new perspective on what happened to you. Because it is not normal or healthy for you to be emotionally detached from rape. That is your mind trying to cope in a maladaptive way.

      • MovingForward85 said

        Very well said Savory. I was going to say something pretty similar. It is an extremely small percentage of men. When I read Saltys reply, it immediately became obvious that she is only looking at things from one angle. Please, I am not knocking you Salty. That was a highly warped sense of reality. Everyone is unique, I can understand that to some extent but like I mentioned before, my ex was raped at a very young age too and only now when I look back, I can see how she almost detaches from reality at times. She said she had been to a psychologist etc but its just so blatantly visible now that she is battling her inner demons.

        We are not her to shun you nor are we here to label you but this blog (from my perspective) is here for advice, help, awareness and to share our stories so that we can all move forward and embrace our future.

      • savorydish said

        Yes, let’s make it clear that we are not here to ridicule or belittle her. It takes a lot of courage to talk about things that most people hide in their closet.

        But it is clear when reading her comments that rape HAS affected her, in ways she still can not accept or process. Her mind has put up walls to protect her much like a parent that shelters her child from the evils of the world.

        But she is no longer a child. She is an adult that still has protective walls in her mind. Unfortunately these walls are also preventing her from realizing the Truth.

        Reality as seen through the eyes of a trauma survivor is not reality at all. It is a fictional world assembled by a mind that has been damaged by rape.

        The fact that she talks about her rape as a mere “one off” with no emotional attachment is a sign that her mind is actively distancing herself from the event that has ruined her life.

        This distancing prevents her from realizing the extent of the damage. From a distance, a tornado looks like a pretty swirl of clouds. She needs to find a way to zoom in so she can see the destruction.

        She must do this under trained supervision because that is a reality most survivors are not prepared to witness. And if that person has BPD, they are definitely not capable of handling such an overload.

  14. You’ve made an assumption again. Not surrounded, someone I used to work with, and not even a friend. I spoke about a large section of women whom I met on my life travels, and mine were plenty. There was no history of sexual abuse in my family, it was done by a complete stranger, and he was no more than a late teen. And no history of alcohol abuse at all. I don’t even drink alcohol. It doesn’t agree with me.

    I don’t say every male acts it out. But most women had experiences relating to sexual assaults. You don’t recognise this as reality, and I don’t expect you to, you are not a woman and never have been looked upon with an undiluted sexual expression.

    Savory, the world that you see around yourself is the world of illusion. The programmes people run in their heads, the completely UNCONSCIOUS emotional responses to all around them. People are crystallised, stunted in their emotional development by the age of 18. My view of the world radically CHANGED from what is was. If I was still the same woman as I was at twenty – I would have said something is seriously wrong with me. But I am not.

    Back in England I used to observe the same scene every weekend. They sit in the car, she comes out and slams the door, he tries to run after, swearing and shouting, she starts crying, he pushes her, she runs away. ‘She’ or ‘he’ were different individuals every time, but the scene was the same. That’s how ‘they’ ‘relate’ to each other. I don’t want to run those programmes in myself. I don’t want the drama. I want a mature, honest, drama free relationship which doesn’t cling to each other for dear life and doesn’t desperately attach in order to feed own inner Emptiness. Because I am not empty, and will not want a partner who is.

    That’s not a relationsip, to me. A relationship allows two people to support each other in their evolution and growth, where it is a union of two individuals.

    You love a person, welcome them into your life, and if at some point they choose to go – you don’t cling in a desperate attempt to keep them back. I don’t own anyone, because no one can be owned. Love in my book is to wish a person happiness, with or without me. If they choose to stay – it’s for life.

    If this makes me ’emotionally detached’ – so be it. I’m a passionate woman, but I learned not to allow passion rule me and my decisions. I don’t expect anyone to subscribe to this.

    I feel you because it’s intrinsic to me. That’ who’ I am.

    Life is about Joy, not Pain and Suffering, although Pain is part of LIfe. I’ve seen the Absolute, Savory.. if you saw that.. you’d be laughing your head off. What you don’t seem to realise is that emotional attachment to events, people, things etc – is the evil that feeds disfunctional relationships. I have feelings, yes. I am not attached (mentally evaluating and sucking up another’s emotions) to those.

    My regards

    • savorydish said

      I’m sorry, you are wrong. What you observe and who you gravitate towards are all choices. Choices made by someone who has been damaged. If you think my world is a world of illusion you are seriously delusional.

      Most women DO NOT have experiences of sexual assault. You live in very small world. A dark and troubled world.

      None of the women in my family have been sexually assaulted. None of my female friends have been sexually assaulted.

      Show me the statistics that back up your statement that we live in a world full of rape and rapists. That may be your world. But it is NOT the world the rest of us live in.

      You won’t find those stats because your viewpoint is that of a woman who suffers from severe trauma. You are talking in riddles because your mind is desperately trying to cover up the truth.

      This may come as a shock to you but most people who have mental illness don’t think they are mentally ill. Many people who have a family history of mental illness are unaware there is a legacy of mental illness in their family.

      Some people cope with alcohol. Others cope with DENIAL. That is your drug of choice. THAT is how you cope. You are a denial addict. And that is why you need to seek help.

      Please read this:

      • MovingForward85 said

        I tend to agree with Savory. Its blatantly obvious that you are seeing this from only your perspective. You dont seem to allow for ANY objective points of view. How is it that both savory and I can pick this up? We are two completely different people whom have never met. Im pretty sure its not coincidental. Salty you need to understand that there is so much more out there than just what you perceive there to be. Its as if you have allowed your mind to be cornered.

        To be a mentally healthy well rounded person you need to allow for objectivity. I read your replies and your thought proccess just seems too one dimensional and bias.

        Like savory mentioned, other than my ex bpd whom obviously had a traumatic childhood, I do not know of women that have been raped etc. The picture you paint whether you can actually see it yourself or not, is a pretty damming portrait of men in general. You mentioned you are not generalising yet in your next breath you say:

        “you are not a woman and never have been looked upon with an undiluted sexual expression”

        Thats only from your own experience, that does not go to say that every man views you or other women in that way.
        You are trying to convince us when infact , we know better.

      • savorydish said

        “undiluted sexual expression”

        Who talks like that? I’ll tell you who- rape survivor advocates, neo-feminists and women obsessed with rape culture. Aka untreated trauma survivors aka C-PTSD.

        These traumatized women not only live in denial, they have found support networks that have not only supported their delusions they also actively work to spread their delusional thinking.

    • Savory.. you’ve been running the blog for close to four years. It’s a good blog, with plenty of information etc.. but you are still in pain. I am not, on the life of my child. If ANYONE who knows me in real physical life heard this (my supposed mental illness), from my bosses to close friends to those ex relationships who are close friends now… they’d burst out laughing.

      I am not trying to insult you. I am saying that you haven’t healed.

      May be we can talk again a few months down the line.

      I really wish you well, and I am sorry for your pain and loss. As strange as it sounds I’ve come to care about you.. just a bit.

      • savorydish said

        Stop talking about my pain and address your pain. These are diversionary tactics. For whose benefit?

        You have not healed. That is why we are saying you are in denial. Your denial is textbook and your delusional claim that you are perfectly fine is preventing you from actually healing.

        Nothing about your previous comments on men says you are in a healthy state of mind. It says quite the opposite.

        If I showed your comments to any mentally healthy person, they would be shocked. If I showed your comments to a therapist they would probably diagnose you with C-PTSD.

      • savorydish said

        Are we suppose to be shocked that you surround yourself with people who would burst out laughing at the mere suggestion that you might be mentally ill? Rape survivors in denial surround themselves with enablers and codependents all the time. That is another textbook example. You have NOT disproven my analysis. You have confirmed it. You surround yourself with people who support your lie and then when someone like me comes along, you gaslight them.

      • MovingForward85 said

        Sorry to say salty but you just used text book projection there too. We have been through this before. From my side… its actually alarming to see all the phases and similarities between salty and my mentally ill ex. Not to be rude salty but as you talk.. I just tick. Gas lighting (tick) , denail (tick), projection (tick), irrationality (tick) . With all respect, I absolutely cant believe that you can not see this.

      • savorydish said

        Ditto, my friend. Ditto.

        It’s so frustrating. I fear she is a lost cause. Every time we present her with the Truth, her knee jerk reaction is to gaslight or project.

        She’s got a convenient answer for everything. This is textbook denial. It’s both fascinating and frightening. But this is exactly what it looks like.

        She thinks we are conspiring against her. That we have both made this all up and we are comparing notes behind the scenes. I want to reach out to her but her wall is up. She is retreating to her delusional safe zone.

      • MovingForward85 said

        Its just goes to show how delicate the human mind can be. Not with regards to experiencing a traumatic event but more to do with how one decides to overcome their terrible misfortune. It really does sadden me Savory. My heart does go out to salty and many others. I wish her well though, as im sure you do too.

      • savorydish said

        I do. But she thinks we are trying to incriminate her and label her defective. That’s why she is fighting us.

        Her primitive fight instincts are kicking in. In her untreated mind, she is still fighting off the rapist. She is lost in a world of delusion. She feels safe in there.

      • savorydish said

        The lies they tell are much like the most elaborate house of cards you’ve ever seen. That is why they will fight tooth and nail to keep it up.

        If she were to admit to all that we have said, her whole world would come crumbling down. That in itself is traumatic. And that is why she needs professional supervision.

        She hinted at suicidal tendencies. I hesitate to push too hard for fear she is not capable of handling the Truth.

      • MovingForward85 said

        Indeed. Like ive said, so many similarities. Its was like I was having a conversation with ex. Incredible. Ive been split black and im happy with that 🙂 makes things easier for me. You hit the nail on the head savory, this blog serves as a litmus test to sufferers.

      • savorydish said

        The similarities are what confirm the Truth. Science confirms it as well. These patterns are well-documented. When they are so deep in denial that they deny science, you know there is no hope.

      • savorydish said

        Now imagine if this were an intimate relationship. This is usually the point where someone like Salty accuses us of being abusive and blocks our phone number.

      • MovingForward85 said

        Yup, u completely right.

  15. […] any of you were following the comment section under the posting, Being Shut Out, you would have read my exchange with Salty […]

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