Shutting Down This Blog

February 18, 2014

Recently, I broke up with someone who was showing signs of BPD. More specifically, she is someone who was traumatized by an alcoholic parent. Severely so. Some of you may know this condition as ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics).

And while she remains unaware of her own condition, she is very aware of this blog and has made many attempts to shut it down. She doesn’t like what she reads, which is common for people who are in denial. That is a huge reason why I broke up with her. This blog serves as a litmus test.

She claims I am using the blog to talk trash about all my exes. But there would be no trash to talk about had I not had to endure the roller coaster ride she and many others have put me through. She refuses to see the common link between her and so many others I have had to say good-bye to. She was not my first ACOA. I fear she will not be my last.

She fails to accept responsibility for her uncontrolled rage and her abusive shut outs. She alternates between fight and flight. This is her idea of conflict resolution.

I was dealing with an angry child. Drama and chaos were at every corner. Always when things were going too well. I bent over backwards to play nice and mend broken bridges. But she was always looking to smash everything to bits and pieces.

So desperate was she to shut down this blog, she contacted my father and begged for his intervention. I regret having introduced her to my family. I am saddened by her desperate attempts.

But you will be happy to know that this blog will continue. I was playing around with the idea of shutting it down, but then a person like this comes around and reminds me why it needs to stay up. If not to warn others, to remind myself.

Her attempts at shutting the blog down remind me how desperate they are to stay in denial and to cover up their tracks. How desperate they are to pin the blame on other people. It reminds me of how little they care about us.

A father who suffers from alcoholism does terrible things to his children. But these children go on to do terrible things to people who make the mistake of loving them. And so the cycle of abuse continues. And so my blog continues.

14 Responses to “Shutting Down This Blog”

  1. john said

    another excuse for bpd’s to blame someone else. they have no idea how hurtful it is to just sell you out, and continue to screw up real peoples emotions.

  2. Sammy C said

    Good for you @ Savory Dish , Don’t yield to their crazy demands….Why because of just that. They are crazy. Fuck Stay here keep telling the truth . They need to know the pain they cause . Dammit The whole freakin world needs to know.

    What scumb bags they are.

  3. savorydish said

    Thanks, Sammy. To be fair, I don’t think she is a scumbag. She is just really messed up. Messed up people do messed up things. The fear of being revealed is linked to the fear of rejection. She is so afraid to acknowledge her past because she fears her father will reject her.

    • Sammy C said

      I hear ya Man , Its all so messed up , I know !!!!

      • savorydish said

        Messed up people are manipulative because they are motivated by pain. They will literally do anything to avoid this pain. Including accusing you of abuse and playing the victim. According to them, we are the crazy ones. I accuse her of being crazy and she replies by accusing me of being crazy. I tell her she needs help so she tells me I need help. I accuse her of being angry then she accuses me of being angry. So much irony in the way she projects.

      • savorydish said

        Somehow the fights were always my fault.

  4. Marie said

    Savory Dish, I have thanked you many times for this blog. It saved me in many ways and helped me overcome my relationship with my ex who is BPD. It also helped me to finally know what was wrong with my parents. My father was an alcoholic and BPD, my mother was also BPD. I am not BPD or like your ex. I hope you realize that not ALL children of alcoholics and BPD’s turn out like their parents or are not capable of being loving people. I always take responsibility for my actions and treat my loved ones as loved ones. I try to treat everyone with the dignity and respect they deserve. My father died back in 1992 as a result of all the drinking, smoking and I suspect BPD energy he exerted on his heart. He needed a new heart but decided not to get one and spent the last year of his life “testing” everyone to see if they really loved him or not. Only he and his doctor knew he was dying. My mother died last month. For the past 18 years I have been “hiding” from her in different states. I have to say I can’t believe I’m finally free and don’t have to worry about being hunted down but at the same time I am sad that things had to be this way. She tried to choke me to death when I was in college and I stopped going home for vacations after that. She used my identity also so eventually I had to move far away to escape her. All these years until I read your blog I had no idea why my mother hated me so much and what was wrong with my father. Thanks to you I now know. Please always remember this when you think about removing this blog. People from all over the world have been helped by it and you. You have done more good than you know. Be strong and learn from your mistakes. You give very sage advice here and I know that one day you will find the right woman for you. Never give up on your dreams.
    Hugs,
    Marie

    • savorydish said

      Thank you, Marie. I really needed to hear a compassionate voice like your own. I believe you are right when you say all BPs and ACOA are not the same. I know that because I have met good people like yourself who talk honestly about their past. I am so sorry it was so painful. But many of the women I have had trouble dealing with were women who did not take ownership of their behavior. As you can see, they are very active when it comes to hiding their tracks. Thank you so much for your ongoing support and I will be careful to consider that not all ACOA end up going down the wrong path. Your kindness has convinced me of that.

  5. I couldnt agree more with your comments I was once in a similar situation with a girl with bpd and I totaly agree they are constantly in denial good on you for posting this comment I agree with you 100 percent for doing so

  6. Susan T. said

    No matter what please don’t shut down the site. This site has helped me the most to make sense of things. I don’t know if I will ever truly understand these people but, it’s a great relief to know that I didn’t do anything wrong and I am not the one who is sick in the head. Getting involved with someone who is mentally ill can happen to anyone no matter how smart you are. Some people never realize they are in an abusive situation. I don’t expect much when it comes to helping others but, I hope at least something I say will give someone that aw ha moment and help them make sense of everything.

  7. Michael Hughes said

    I applaud you for all the efforts you have invested in building this site. It alone is responsible for me being able to make the final leap of faith and throw myself with total abandon into the practice of “NO CONTACT” with my BPD ex ~14 mos. ago. I have been able to both glean support from kindred spirits and also cathartically vent all the penned up hurt and feelings of my experience. In esence this blog gave me a “voice”.

    I implore you to NOT close down this site. I’m sure that many, many others have benefited as well from this safe haven you have created for all of us who have endured the traumatic experience of a BPD relationship. I myself cannot express enough gratitude to you.

    Only through this blog was I able to understand that “NO CONTACT” and, subsequentley, ALOT of work on me and my emotional defects is the key to my recovery. It is also the key that has hopefully given me an awareness of self that will prevent me from falling for another BPD female.

    your blog is my salvation in relation to my BPD experience.

    Thank you.
    For this blog I am eternally grateful.

    • savorydish said

      Wow. Thank you, Michael. And thank all of you for your gratitude. I had no idea this little blog meant so much to you. It has helped me as well. Because every time I stray of course this blog brings me back. Every time someone has me doubt my own sanity, I am reminded that my beliefs are grounded in facts. Because, let’s be honest, BPD is a fantastical story. It is hard to believe such a disorder exists. When I try to explain it to the outside world they are skeptical. That tells me the world at large is still very ignorant about BPD and disorders like it. So I will do my best to spread the word, even if it is just among people who are affected by it. Best wishes to all and thanks again for your support.

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