Mariah Needs Your Help

December 11, 2013

She writes:

I’m sad, and I’m crying. Because I just realized there is no hope for my relationship with Cameron. He and his have been together for almost 3 years. He’s telling me he doesn’t know if he’s in love with me anymore. He just found out he was a BP last night. We always knew something was up. He keeps getting more and more distant. No matter how much I love him and he loves me. He just tried to break up with me just now. But he hasn’t decided, please tell me what I can do to save this relationship. Yesterday was his birthday and we were perfectly happy now he’s doing this out of no where. And I’m crushed. Someone please help me. My email

5 Responses to “Mariah Needs Your Help”

  1. Susan T. said

    You might be crushed now but, you will eventually realize that you deserve so much better. The way he is acting has nothing to do with you. These people hate themselves and what others to be just as miserable as they are. They have a mental illness that can’t be cured. They are broken machines that can’t be fixed. They will suck the life out of you and project their dislike of themselves on to you. The have no spirit. They need to hurt others so they can hurt because they aren’t able to do so themselves.They are like vampires who suck the blood out of others so they can live.
    They never apologize for what they do to others even though they might acknowledge doing so. Being with someone like that will make you as sick as they are.
    Do yourself a huge favor and write him off and never communicate with him again. Trying to save this relationship is a lost cause and you don’t deserve the stress and heartache.

    • savorydish said

      Susan is right. I know it seems like the end of the world. But we are all proof it isn’t. This too shall pass.
      You are in intense pain right now. We’ve all been there, but you will survive.
      Now is the time to detach and gain perspective. Take a deep breathe and be good to yourself. Write down your pain to release it and then find someone else who is more worthy of your love.

      You can not save what was broken long before you met him. Your knee jerk reaction to pull him back will only cause him to run faster. That is the fear of intimacy in action. You will only cause yourself more pain. You deserve something better than loving someone who can’t love you back.
      Be well, SD

      • Michael Hughes said

        yesterday marked the 1 year anniversary of my committing to ABSOLUTE NO CONTACT w/ my ex BPD girlfriend. 1 year ago i was literally suicidal. Depression does not begin to explain my emotional state at that time. 12/ 16/ 12 was the last interaction of ANY KIND i have had with my ex. on that night,
        ( after a so-so month of trying to save a 5 yr. roller coaster relationship with her in which she alternately told me she could not live without me and would then cheat on me, throw me out, steal from me, physically abuse me and much much more), she became angry during a conversation and slapped me. I picked up my belongings and left. It had been told to me by everyone from her friends to counselors and everyone in between that the only relief i would ever have was to quit denying reality and to move on without ever looking back. I thought i knew better, that she loved me, that i loved her, and, most stubbornlley that I could make it work.
        12/16/12, her hitting me …..again, was the moment of clarity i need so that all the advice i had been given finally crystalized within me and I accepted reality and commited to myself to NEVER contact her again. Since i left her apt. that night i have NOT spoke with her, called her, texted her, e-mailed her, written her, wished her happy birthday, merry christmas, happy Valentines day, sent smoke signals, carrier pigeons, or telepathic messages. Nor have i asked anyone about her or spoken to anyone else to “see how she might be doing”.
        Fast forward exactly 1 year…..I cannot describe the difference in how i feel today as opposed to a year ago. I literally do not even know if she is still alive, and, from a standpoint of self preservation: I DO NOT CARE. I am better, healthier, and, with time and distance have been able to put the relationship in it’s proper perspective and work on myself. I needed (still need)
        to work on my issues that allowed me to WANT to remain in an abusive relationship. That was NEVER going to happen as long as i remained in contact with my ex AT ALL.
        Mariah, i don’t know you. But, i do know your pain and i truely empathize with you. Please heed all advice regarding IMMEDIATE NO CONTACT and get support and help regarding your emotional health. I PROMISE as each day turns into a week and weeks into months and then a year, you will do as i did last night at midnight…..i thanked GOd that i am now free. God Bless you Mariah ~Mike

  2. Susan T. said

    A lot of the same things happen to me. My ex is male which isn’t suppose to be as common. I was so depressed I am ashamed to admit I checked into a mental health facility.
    It wasn’t loosing him that made me so depressed. He sucked the life out of me and I didn’t realize it at the time. I felt really worthless because he would belittle me so much I started to believe what he was saying. I also felt very stupid to have gotten myself into this situation. I am smarter than that. The reason that I didn’t realize how bad my situation was is because he was just as wonderful as he was abusive. Things gradually started to happen. I felt like I should have seen all of the red flags. He was like Jeckel and Hyde. He also didn’t have his own identity. I realize that he tried to be like me. He also would act like the sorry people he was associated with. That’s why I say they have to suck the life out of the others to have an identity. I realize now that when I would tell him something about me a week or two later he would tell me about the same thing happening to him. He just change some details around so it didn’t hit me right away.
    The interesting thing is when I stopped all contact with him and started doing research into why people abuse I read that the abuser wanted to be you. They think that being around you will make them like you. Then when that doesn’t happen they start being abusive. A lot of things make sense now!

    • savorydish said

      “The interesting thing is when I stopped all contact with him and started doing research into why people abuse I read that the abuser wanted to be you. They think that being around you will make them like you. Then when that doesn’t happen they start being abusive.”

      Which explains why their abuse often entails projection of some sort. They are chastising themselves for failing to meet the ideal by abusing you.

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