Jen Offers Insight

December 3, 2013

A woman with BPD tells her side of the story:

I read all these comments, on this site and many others. I want to clarify. I am a borderline. I’ve spent years and years behaving in patterns that I, myself, could not understand. I have finally become self-aware enough, to see the problem, and to want to change my actions. I can’t speak for other borderlines, only for myself. But when I see people write that we are toxic, loveless, non caring, horrible people, I have to disagree. I rage, yes. I push you away, I will viciously attack you with my words. But it’s not about YOU, it’s because I am hurting so badly and I am so afraid you are lying to me and trying to trick me or hurt me or make a fool out of me, that I know of no other way to handle this pain. It’s horrible. It hurts me just as it hurts you. It feels like my brain is constantly racing, trying to stay 2 steps ahead of you trying to hurt me. I can’t trust my perceptions of your actions, and if I ask you I don’t know if I can trust your response. You did not ask for this, neither did I. But try for a moment to imagine living with no peace, with constant fear and turmoil inside your head. This is what it feels like to be a borderline, at least for me. It’s not about you, destroying you or ruining your life, it’s about preserving myself. That’s not to justify the actions, it’s just to maybe give the readers some insight, we are trying to save ourselves, we were never taught a productive way to do that.

82 Responses to “Jen Offers Insight”

  1. Hi jen I can understand completely I was in ws in a relationship with a bordeline girl bordwrlines are not bad people and its terribe the emotional turmoil that people with this condition have to go through and its not nice for there partners to.regards len.

    • Sammy said

      Well , you know my ex was named Jen , I wonder if you are her? , if so why don’t you start by saying you are sorry for your actions , I’m a very forgiving person , While I don’t ever want to be involved with that Jen again , maybe just maybe there could be a walk in peace….Wanna try that Jen , Because I was as nice as I could be to my ex Jen , And she acted in a very horrible way . Told just horrible lies on me did a smear campaign out of this world on me . When at the least all I wanted to do is be good friends !!!!! Sammy , See I don’t know what you were taught Jen but I don’t forgive until asked to forgive. But in a strange way I have totally gotten over my Jen in a positive way cause I understand the condition now, Its horrible I agree , and how people could treat another person like that with the abuse and all is just totally horrible to me. But yet my Jen did some very ugly things to me . And I won’t ever forget that.

  2. Sammy said

    But I won’t lie it still hurts a tiny bit , how you treated me Jen , But it could’ve never destroyed me , You don’t understand how strong I really am …you have no idea!!!! 🙂 The pain I’ve had to get through!!!!

  3. Mimi said

    Jen, get off this site as fast as you can…I totally understand everything you are saying, but you see what’s happening.aleady .you, just by virtue of being a borderline are becoming every man’s ex-borderline out here, like how delusional are we going to get..Sammy thinks he is having a real dialogue with his ex-Jen. spooky Jen, this will not help you..the total complete anger by theses victims is not going to cleanse your shame- no one out here understands a thing you are saying, I do by the way….. it will only make you feel more shame and that’s what borderlines core is, shame. we are ashamed of something we cannot control- and these victims hate it when you say, please see it hurts me too…the only hurt anyone on this site is concerned about , is there own…get out now, talk to someone who understands,not people who want to have you beheaded.

    • savorydish said

      A little melodramatic. Don’t you think?

      Let me assure you, there will be no beheadings.

      But you do enjoy playing the martyr. Don’t you?

      It’s sad that borderlines will criticize other borderlines who have the decency to share their feelings in an open and honest way.

  4. Mimi said

    I wasn’t putting Jen down at all. I feel for her-I feel for her honesty and am worried that things spin out of control so quickly when a borderline writes in. Conclusions are jumped in a nano second. I just thought it so odd that Sammy thought he was talking to his ex. and he seemed so very angry , like this woman really was his ex..and it made me think any borderline who finds this site is going to end up reminding someone of someone’se ex and everyone is going to get very, very angry at her and I think she has really just come here to try to explain how it feels to be her. Not to so much understand how it feels to be her victim, but to say this is how it feels to be her ..I commend her for that.-
    . Sammy, the stock market is pretty good these days, but a $200 bet at Christmas time…is too much. Lets just make a friendly bet, Ok? as I don’t know you or Jen…why would she come on this site? does she know you are a blogger ? If its your ex Jen , then why not talk to you directly? How would talking to her on a blog help you? It seems like you have healed, I wouldn’t think talking back to Jen would help you at all, isn’t it just her trying to suck you back in?
    Do I want forgiveness in my stocking for Christmas? good question..Nope…not needing anyone’s forgiveness..I would rather help Jen before she gets the shit kicked out of her ..I said I understood Jen, I haven’t said I a borderline or that I think people should hurt people, I just thought it was a really bizarre answer, that someone thought they were really talking to their ex on this site…

  5. Sammy said

    Mimi to answer your question ,My ex Jen is a high functioning computer analyst , at a major US bank in this country , And to answer you question Yes she know I blog here , I’m sure of it. 200 a bit steep , hell I almost said a 1000 , Well if it could be proven I would just give you the two sleeves ……On the West Side to give you a little street slang , Teach ya something , We call a hundred dollars a Sleeve , LOL , Jen know I’ll give money to people all the time ..She hated it , but I like to give back a bit. And Mimi no one here is going to kick the shit out of Jen , We are human being too ya know. And we understand that Jen is a human being as well!!!!

    • toughmat said

      I think Mimi raises fair points about Sammy and his assumption/confidence and betting antics about his ex. sorry Sammy but the way you are talking to her as if it is her is also kind of strange. I also think that the borderlines who get it here are ones who act out. Ones who dont like Jen so far, get nothing but respect. I

  6. Sammy said

    @ tough mat , My man if you read , And I’m sure you can I have said if this is my ex …., Things she typed in her post sound like my ex ….Why don’t you people stop hindering this Jen . Because you are not hurting me at all , if its not her then I’m sure my ex will read it……Like I said I’m a 100% sure she knows I’m here and that I blog here. Your opinion of me doesn’t matter. And its funny we haven’t heard a word out of Jen…..Wonder why…:) , and don’t hit me with that spooky and shame bull shit either mimi , and Mat….., She know wharf she did or does , I;m not sure if she’s stopped doing it, But I wish her the best of luck in trying.

    Again Merry X-mas!!!!

    Tough Mat & Mimi

  7. savorydish said

    Don’t know if this is your Jen. But she sounds like she has a healthy amount of self-awareness and a good bit of compassion. She doesn’t display MiMi’s penchant for melodrama. And that’s a good sign.

    • Sammy said

      Amen Brother!!!

      And Merry Xmas to you @ Savory dish…..What type of Shot would you like , I have a couple nice bottles of Henry the 13th, I open bring those out at special times, LOL!!!

    • Sammy said

      Oh and Again @ SavoryDish , Jen bounced in and out of self awareness a lot when I was around her, TO her credit , she tried a lot to be a good person , The disorder just won out after 6 1/2 months …., You noticed I didn’t say were was together , because we was never together , I was just a body she was using , I know that now. So I was just around her.

      • savorydish said

        Mine did too. But you are totally right. BPs have good days and bad. On the good days, they may be totally aware. But then bad days make them forget everything they said about getting healthy.

  8. jimmiemashburn said

    I have been with one like this. Very dangerous

    Sent via the Samsung GALAXY S™4, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone

  9. Sammy said

    Oh and @ MIMI , Yes its her she knows I’m here , and this is her way of reaching out to me ……. I just hope its cause she truly was to heal , get better, not to see if I’m still ragging on her and in a rage…….I’m not Just mainly want to be left alone. Not to be mean but go bother someone else, Someone who’s got a lot less to lose. I have a lot to look forward to.

    I hope you are happy Jen in this post or my Ex!!!!!

  10. twasnoti said

    I have no doubt ‘Jen’ is being honest. Should you love a borderline, if you haven’t already read every book on the topic, do so immediately. As the saying goes, “knowledge is power.” The symptoms of the disorder are often manipulative, ugly, mean, and can be frightening. The person; however, is not. Empathy is always deserved. I did not choose to fall in love with a borderline, but I choose to always love her because she is not merely her negative actions. I choose to see the positives and understand her motivation. Being with a borderline is a choice. If you are going to do it, be fully aware of your own motivation. It is not an easy road, as you all know. I am not codependent. For whatever reason, God presented me with a brilliant, creative, sensitive woman who excites me in many ways, knows me as well as I know myself, and fits my needs. I am a non-traditionalist; she simply offers what I want regardless of all the hell we’ve been through. I am well aware of the challenges of my choice. I have weighed the pros and cons, and the bottom line is that as a consenting adult it is my choice. She is worth it to me. Thank you, “Jen,” for speaking the obvious.

    • savorydish said

      But when do we hold the individual responsible for their own actions regardless of their circumstances? Do we release people from jail because studies show that a majority of them suffer from a personality disorder and a traumatic childhood? Do we love them just the way they are?

      • twasnoti said

        The analogy is moot. One involves breaking the law. One involves negative emotions being expressed in defense of self. It would be wonderful if each individual, borderline or not, would seek help for his/her problems, but that is not always the case. The non-borderline must then decide to do what is best for him/her. What is best for me (loving and staying, if allowed) may not be best for another. It boils down to individual choice. I have weighed my options with a realistic, open mind and determined I want the relationship. She is worth it to me. We connected on a different level than the way she has connected with all others; it is her individualism and strengths, not her borderline, that allowed that connection.

      • savorydish said

        Sadly, emotional abuse is not against the law. But you should know that most of the people in jail are products of childhood abuse.

        A study was done that found that the majority of men on death row had mothers who were either bi-polar or BPD.

        So the analogy is not moot. The analogy points out that you can not persecute one PD over another just because one person happens to fill your emotional needs.

        Those emotional needs are what made us susceptible to BPD abuse. It is what makes us co-dependent.

  11. Sammy said

    Nope @ Savory Dish , most of these people here , that enable them don’t think or care if they need to held accountable for their actions……Thats why I make jokes about it , The MiMI’s of the world want to eat at you and have the wicked things that BPD’s like Jen do you , Eat at you like a cancer , They know all to well that hate will only destroy the hater…….As Stevie Wonder Wrote….Hate Knows that Love is the cure , These BPD”s hate you simply because you have a true personality and they don’t. Thats really all most em want is a true personality…I understand that I just can’t help em ….So I just make jokes now…..:)

  12. twasnoti said

    If great sex is why anyone is in, or stays in, a relationship with someone s/he doesn’t love and/or know, than that person is not a candidate for a relationship with a borderline. Borderlines do have true friendships and they are capable of love. It may be rare and it comes with unique challenges, but it can and does happen. The fear of abandonment and engulfment are ever present, but as long as the non-borderline understands the disorder and its harsh symptoms, a relationship is possible. It takes a special person to not take the anger, rage, and jealousy personally, but we do exist. I do not hate a person for defending herself, even if the rationale is, at times, irrational. I remember why I fell in love and who I fell in love with; it was not the disorder that made me laugh, smile, talk, and love; rather, it was the quiet times when the true self was gradually exposed and shared.

  13. twasnoti said

    And isn’t it nice that you had a choice. You could continue or move on. I fell in love with a person who has some very difficult challenges. I have already faced tremendous pain, and yet I am still in it for the long haul. As I previously stated: I weighed the pros and cons and have determined that she is worth it. We were thrown together for a reason only God knows, and through the tough times the love never departed. Trust has always been an issue, but not with me. I trust her to mess up. I trust her to hurt me with words and at times actions. I trust her to do so out of fear and preservation. And I trust that I am in this with my eyes fully opened and the choice to keep her in my life. When she needs space, she has it. When she crosses the line, I tell her. But bottom line, just as it was your choice, it is mine. And mine was made the moment we connected so long ago. With all the challenges and future problems that I am not foolish enough to state will not occur, she will always be mine if she so chooses. Maybe one day she will want more for herself, but it will be her choice, no one elses. I choose to concentrate on her many positives and to not take any hurtful words or actions personally.

    • savorydish said

      You were thrown together because every emotionally abusive person needs a codependent partner.

      • toughmat said

        Sammy you post w so much sarcasm it is unbelievable. On top of that you are all over the place w your writing style. Whats w all this bullshit merry xmas stuff? Its very passive aggressive. One reason i left my bpd ex.

        name.calling

      • toughmat said

        Name calling is also prevalent on.this blog. No one is the Truth of perfect mental health let alone on this site.

      • savorydish said

        I think Sammy felt like you were being too judgmental. Either way, you two are in the same boat. There’s no reason to fight each other.

      • toughmat said

        I definitely don’t want to start a fight with Sammy. He does raise a lot of good points and he’s right about me being the nice guy and the co dependent. it just seems like he’s using passive aggressiveness and his communication which I do not believe is healthy. I understand we all have a common denominator here and i am grateful for everyone’s shares. Twasnoti can you please be specific about your womans jealousy and how you deal w it so you keep your sanity and the love?

      • savorydish said

        I’ve deleted comments that were unfair or went off track, but I agree that he could have been less sarcastic.

      • toughmat said

        Isnt bpd.just a label for people who.experienced trauma and are caught up in the stories surrounding what took place based on.their own interpretation? There are plenty of women who were raped and are ‘normal’. Plenty who act like victims, feel worthless, and think.men are evil, and plenty w bpd. My question is isnt bpd the same as the second type of person li and if not how? What is so unique about dbt and has anyone seen the difference it makes in.someone? Has anyome here beem to Landmark Forum?

      • savorydish said

        I’ve dated three women who went through landmark. Only in hindsight do I realize they probably had BPD. One of them got me to go. I remember being creeped out. They came on too strong like someone trying to you to sign up for a gym membership. It seems they are trying to take advantage of people. It feels like a cult.

      • toughmat said

        I just did landmark. its no more a cult than this blog except they charge for teir services like any business and they were upfront about all dollars earned where it goes etc. i thought the principles were solid. some women were raped and expressed ways of beinf which everyone here.would.immediqtely call bpd. But they seemed to open up to their role in things by the end amd see how their entire life is a big story they created of drama based on the past. Calling it a cult may speak to peoples need to be right amd not be ‘dominated’ by anyone or landmark itself.

      • savorydish said

        I think you should read more about cults before you decide they are not a cult.

      • toughmat said

        I just spent the last 20 minutes reading every definition on cult. Its simply not a cult. I’m extremely skeptical by Nature as well. I have all of my wits about me and I’m not brainwashed. I don’t think it’s the answer to everything or some kind of magic potion that guarantees happiness and they don’t claim it either. the principles are similar to those of Eckhart Tolle.

      • savorydish said

        Well. If it works for you more power to you. Just be careful. As you said. They are taking money from people who are emotionally vulnerable and they are not affiliated with any medical group. They are also extremely aggressive in recruiting new members. That already trips my alarm. Watch for manipulative behavior.

  14. twasnoti said

    I am rare, I suppose. Maybe it comes with age, with wisdom, with weakness (although I doubt it), or with something that just cannot be explained. I have already been married and have children. I am not the norm when it comes to life. I do not want safe, easy, mundane, normal, etc. I want her and I love her regardless of challenges. I have never doubted it. She has hurt me many times, but I have understood her reasons, even if they make little sense to outsiders (those unfamiliar with the disorder). Again, it boils down to what each non borderline wants out of life, can handle, refuses to handle, etc. I will not want more than what she’s capable of providing. It has already been many years and I love her as much today as I did many years ago. Actually, probably more because I understand her better now. My only wish is that she love herself and believe that another will love her forever and not leave her, regardless of future challenges. She is her own worst enemy. I am just her eyes-wide-open fan club that is able to see past the limitations of the disorder that she did not choose to have. To others she is either saint or demon. To me, she is a combination of many emotions, all of which I am capable of dealing with as they arise.

  15. twasnoti said

    As per the anger, it is simply an emotion that masks fear. Each of us gets angry. I would hate to be judged by others on that one emotion alone.

  16. twasnoti said

    I don’t wait for sorries, not do I require them. Once the reason behind the action is understood, “sorry’ is unnecessary. I choose to concentrate on the positives. Life is too short to worry about what is said out of anger/fear.

  17. toughmat said

    Twasnoti,

    I feel like I can relate to you because I see so many qualities in my ex. She never cheated on me that I know of, but the jealousy, insecurity, guilt trips about ALWAYS choosing my friends, NEVER putting her first, etc. were the hard parts. It felt like control. When I was with her and yes, literally putting her first, we were best of friends and I saw the true greatness come out. But when I did cater to my own needs, that is when it was like nothing we had established mattered any longer. She would then rip me apart via text when she sensed I was going to leave, then try to get me back…you know the drill and many regulars here have heard my story.

    However, I miss her greatly after 6 months of no contact and most of the messages I get from my therapist, family, friends, and this blog is that I need to move on because with her I was a fraction of myself always walking on eggshells. I was the perfect co-dependent and when she was mad, life sucked. When she was happy, life was good. Eventually I was on to the patterns (studying bpd like crazy and therapy) and I started being more authentic with my own needs. A couple nights out with friends and the withdrawal on her part led me to speak truthfully about how I thought it was control. She did say she over-reacted but at that point I sort of had it with all the head games and kept moving towards breaking up. She ripped me an asshole verbally then things calmed down and we started no contact.

    The point with this twasnoti is to give my story and ask you what are similarities and differences between my ex and your girl? My question is how much needless self sacrifice have you made to keep the prize? Are you staying with her and telling yourself you love her to avoid the pain of loss or due to jealousy? (those are tough for me). Do you feel like you have enough autonomy in your own life or does she want to know your whereabouts at all times?

    Thank you for your honesty.

    • savorydish said

      Don’t expect a straight answer, mat.

      Twasnoti sounds like he is caught in the fog. I know this because he is diminishing his partner’s dysfunctional behavior as if BPD is no big deal. I’m sorry. It is.

      Let’s make it clear. Tolerating BP behavior is poisonous to your own emotional wellbeing. A person who has to know where you are all the time is in a tailspin. And if you are caught in the ride you will always feel the way you do now. Confused and frustrated.

  18. Mimi said

    Finally, a breath of fresh air- thank you twasnoti. Brilliant!

    • savorydish said

      Exactly what you would expect a BP to say to her enabler. Flattery gets her everywhere.

      Twasnoti seems like a decent person. But do not mistake codependency with wisdom.

      If a battered woman stayed with an abusive husband you would beg her to get help.

      Emotional abuse is the same dynamic. It requires a willing participant for the abuse to happen.

  19. twasnoti said

    As I’ve said, we each need to do what is best for us. I have lived through a period of hell with her, but we both survived. I understand the jealousy and insecurity. I do not require what others consider a ‘normal’ relationship. My life is my choice, and I choose to love her and keep her and her insecurities in my life. I have learned to seperate the woman from the disorder, and to take one day at a time. Living without her would be worse than not having her (the individual with such amazing strengths and other positive qualities) in my life. Thank you for sharing your story.You sound as though you are where you need to be. I want to be with her and to share the good and bad. I am not looking for marriage and children, nor am I looking for easy. She is worth whatever efforrt and sacrifice I must make. One day at a time is all I require.

    • savorydish said

      Your life and love is your choice. But you should know that you have chosen an unhealthy relationship. It fits under the category of abnormal psychology. Your comments are well-meaning, touching and poetic. But any reputable therapist will tell you they are misguided. Be well.

  20. Mimi said

    Be happy, that is something no man on this site seems to have achieved…..SD-.Stop being so melodramatic- this man is not battered, he is not telling anyone he got his bruises from running into a door, in fact he doesn’t seem to have any bruises. SD why don’t you stop spitting black.., why don’t you stop projecting onto this man who is happy and appears healthy with his choice….in fact he seems happy and fully aware of whats going on..Its a two way street- they seem like a good couple, he isn’t tortured 24/7 like most men out here ..he is actually living, he isnt denying himself anything, he has chosen- I say Bravo- and at least , for him, he can have a life that isnt a silly blog..go out into the fresh air, live, love and be happy….blogging is not a life, its a way to hide behind a mask …that wasn’t flattery , that was someone thinks he has made excellent point and is happy..what is wrong with that?? he is happy, Go ahead, enable.he certainly isnt stuck is he?

  21. Sammy said

    @ Savory Dish , you are wasting your time bud , They are all lairs , and they lie to no end to make them selves feel Grand. They like lying and and feel good about the lies they tell. And if you are a pathological liar you will kill , and all the other shit sociopaths and psychopaths do . I hate to say this but I grew up in the streets here in Chicago and I know real street psychopaths But even they are under some sort of control , These people are totally off the chain Savory , the little fleas here that enable this kind of crap are just clowns Savory. They spread junk into the world pull others into it to do violence and justify it with bullshit lies. , They pretend not to know each other and all the other bullshit they do, Its nothing real about em , They just like to think they are keeping people pissed off. , You can spread your evil doings and lies all you want . But a singer by the name of Teddy Pendergrass , so wonderfully sang a song called …”You Can Hide From Yourself, Everywhere you go there You Are”……So Im happy cause no matter where my ex goes She has to carry that fake shit and that evil decease , and her evil drama filled life and personality with her , Wanna make me jealous Get well !!!! , And get a real man then you might get my attention…Until then Fuck off!! In a good way ..LOL

    Oh Merry Xmas…LOL

    For Real Though!!!!

    • savorydish said

      I’m not trying to convert Mimi or Twasnoti. Just pointing out delusional thinking for those who care to see what it looks like.
      These threads are for educational purposes only.

  22. Mimi said

    For the record, I never said I was a borderline , I said I understood what Jen was saying and Sammy went into this undercover thing that me and Jen ( by the way, I don’t know Jen or Sammy- that me & Jen were in cahoots against him and no one thought that was just a bit odd?.like whacked out???) .and then we have this man who I thought seemed happy , he wrote intelligently, honestly- he didn’t rant or go off on strange tangents about imposters and offering people shots or making bets or talking street slang ( I am from VT- its all greek to me..talk about skiing and i’m on board & yes I am a stock broker, but I am not out here spying for anyone) OK- to me, he seemed happy with his choices and everyone seems upset that he says he is happy. Science says he is not…so what? he says he is…It was refreshing to read after everyone else’s comments. and where is Jen? why didn’t she answer any of these posts? do you post these things SD just to start a dialogue when things get stale? I liked it. If the man says he is happy then let him be…its nothing to me, except refreshing – it doesn’t mean I am feeling safe or abandoned.or enabled or any of your other listed disorders, .it is purely academic.

  23. Mimi said

    The assumptions amaze me. I never, ever said in any post that someone cant be happy unless they are with a borderline. where do you get this stuff from? I said I understood Jen,I stated I thought Sammy was a bit unnerving with his counter=spy theories, I stated that I find it refreshing that someone had the courage to come out here and say..””Hey, I am happy””. I thought it was all about respect, We respect everyone’s opinions. I respect this man who had the courage to come out here and say he was happy-

  24. savorydish said

    Clearly you don’t understand the principles of a codependent relationship

    • savorydish said

      A direct quote from Twasnoti:

      I do not want safe, easy, mundane, normal, etc. I want her and I love her regardless of challenges.

      This is someone who loves chaos and drama. He is addicted to it. Chances are he has known it since birth. This is the gateway to codependency, an invitation to a lifetime of abuse.

  25. savorydish said

    Mimi,
    Why play games? Why not tell us why you’re so supportive of borderlines and their enablers?

  26. Mimi said

    What do we care? twasnoti seems like he understands and has made a choice. He is addicted to chaos you say, but if you step away from this blog and read it in neutral,, everyone’s statements are fraught with conflict or “”I need to be right””. This is how it plays out here…If you are a man and dislike borderlines, you get a pat on the head from SD. If you voice a different opinion , no matter how authentic or soul- baring you are- you are attacked. I feel you are all too entrenched in your own “”combative to convert”” word play, you cant see anyone’s words anymore.
    He does not perceive his relationship with his lover to be abusive-He is not out here droning on day in and day out, year after year about being a victim. I see more health in him than in anyone else here, with the exception of tough mat…Anyone can say they are sorry, its just words. If this man came here and said, Help me..I am a mess , then by all means rescue him. He is not a child. He is a consenting adult. My agenda was to watch this unfold. To see how everyone’s need to be right attitude plays out in a pack mentality with SD as alpha dog. And where is this Jen? I think it odd, that perhaps because I am female and more on the mark because I said I understood Jen, SD came out swinging before the bell was rung…assuming, condemning, name calling…
    I think everyone should get off this blog for 2 weeks, go get some fresh air, some exercise, read a really good book that makes you think outside of yourselves, it cannot be healthy trapped on this blog for eternity….and in fact its not..Read how fresh and understand this blog was a few years ago, the posts that SD made, now read it today….its an insidious tumble,

    • savorydish said

      Consenting adults make bad decisions all the time. Alcoholics decide to have one more drink. Drug addicts decide to leave rehab.

      We’ re not trying to convert anyone. Twasnoti is free to make unhealthy decisions. And we are free to see them as they are… unhealthy decisions.

      We welcome an opposing point of view, but we are not obligated to accept it. That’s how free speech works.

      He doesn’t have to read this blog. Nor do you.

      I get plenty of fresh air and exercise. But you’re not really concerned about my healthy. Are you?

      But enough about us, let’s talk about you and your life decisions. Everybody here has had the courage to reveal their most personal stories, except you. All you offer is holier than thou judgement.

  27. Mimi said

    Judgment? hardly. Yes, a little fresh air, some nice green food, lots of exercise, go to an art gallery, listen to really fabulous music and possibly going out with your healthy partner ( you must have one right? a healthy normal partner by now) instead of constantly playing the “Owl”” out here to everyone’s field mouse. Low self esteem thinking no one cares about your health. Why do you assume all the time…?
    and getting off this blog for just a bit would be nice for you. I would share my story with true professionals, not in this pack. ..I just stepped into the party for a “”drink”” remember,? Sammy was offering shots to all the espionage spies who were lurking out here pretending and confounding him. I applaud your deep seated anger and hurt and your insatiable need to help- but you are losing your perspective. Reread how you wrote a few years ago, much fresher., .

    • savorydish said

      Lucky for you, I do all those things and still find the time to entertain judgmental field mice like you. Multi-tasking.

      Everybody else has shared their story, except those who do not have the courage to do so. It’s easy to point fingers, when you live in a protective bubble.

      Come join the human race, Mimi. Or are you afraid we’ll judge you as harshly as you have judged us?

      If you find this blog so terrible, then why do you keep coming back for more? Shouldn’t you be eating greens in an art gallery somewhere?

      • Sammy said

        MiMi , I just like to be kind to other humans weather they be disordered or not, I see crazy people all the time in my hood, I respect them , But I keep a healthy distance. So like I was saying if this Jen was or is my ex , If she truly wants to get better and do different , I think she need to find every guy she can , Not just me , MIMI , but every guy she has fucked over in the pass , told pathological lies on , and allowed others to try in destroy those guys , She should in a private way , make amends ….Even if it just a quick e-mail to say hey , I want to say this or that to you….But you sick people want no such peace , because this crazy crap is where you get your power source from , This crazy is shit is so 1975 with you Disordered people!

  28. Sammy said

    @ MiMi , see pathological personalities , Like my ex Jen accuse others of the crimes they commit…..Let’s see ,#1 Hacking , Well I already told ya she’s a High Functioning Borderline/Narcissist , among other things, and work as a Business Systems Analyst at a Major Us Bank in this country #2 Stalking , I bet if I tried very very hard Mat and Mimi I could find guys from Chicago to Rockford , to Des Moines , and points beyond that well tell ya she stalked them. #3 Conspiracy, in business or to commit murder , I’ll just leave that alone…..Would you like for me to keep going

  29. Mimi said

    Why would I play games on this site? Sammy seems to be doing enough of it for all of us. Why does SD tell toughmat not to fight Sammy because they are in the same boat? There were even enough life rafts on the Titanic, not enough mind you..but some, so why should toughmat have to be inauthentic and be silenced. SD you seem to be forever playing the Owl to everyone’s field mouse. My agenda is to read what everyone has to say…isn’t that the point of the blog? I understand Twasnoti and Jennifer,I understand tougmat- I continue to struggle with SD and Sammy as they seem unable to truly have perspective.
    I don’t see that we have to be docked forever in one boat with each other..let these men go and swim to shore . Sammy is truly impossible to follow- he seems like he is on something other than just a “holiday anti-borderline binge”” I will say it again, if one remains neutral and reads thru these posts, you will see Twasnoti speaks, he doesn’t trash, He thinks , he doesn’t rant. He is being responsible for his own mental health, he isn’t relying on SD to tell him he is unhealthy or healthy. I understand his feelings completely and I commend him for even having the courage to take it on the chin over and over for saying he is happy.

    • savorydish said

      Why are you still here? Shouldn’t you be listening to amazing music while doing cartwheels?
      But here you are trying to pick a fight with bloggers you know nothing about.
      This is my personal blog and I’ll do whatever I want with it.
      If you don’t like how I run things here, then you are free to leave and start your own blog.
      And why do you keep saying Twasnoti is happy when he claims he went through hell? You are putting words into people’s mouths to create your own delusion.

  30. Mimi said

    Why in God’s name when we have a group of intelligent people trying to read and communicate is SD defending Sammy ? SD , please stop playing the Governess and let us talk.

    • savorydish said

      Or how about you find a blog that will let you be governess. Nobody is being silenced or beheaded. They are only being corrected with the same perspective that is held by the mental health establishment. I didn’t write the book on mental health. I’m only providing info that most therapists would agree with. But you say you have a better perspective. What are your sources?

  31. Zee said

    Look at all this drama . . . is it worth it, really?

    The point isn’t whether or not Borderlines ‘hurt’ or do things on purpose or whatever . . . the point is that I have to take care of myself.

    I have too much experience with feeling empathy for a borderline, and then getting a knife in the back for it. The only thing that should matter for a borderline is getting BETTER so they can stop doing the things they do. And if they’re not in DBT therapy with a highly trained, highly experienced professional, nothing is going to work.

    The rest is BS.

    90% of the time, whenever a BPD enters a NON forum, all kinds of drama starts. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW THEY WORK. They need to ELICIT SYMPATHY in order to operate. And the end result is that they cause distirbance for everyone else.

    Which is exactly what’s happening here.

    The most sane advice for NONs is to learn the early-warning signs of BPD, then STAY AWAY. If you want to have empathy, then have empathy at a distance. And don’t go too overboard with that either. They have a sixth sense for this s__t. Just cut them out and live your lives.

    You can call me mean – but I’m happier.

    • Sammy said

      Thanks Zee , See I knew just how to handle these morons, Man anyone in their right mind can see that this Jen asshole is my ex , I knew it right from the start. Now Savory you are getting a TASTE what I had to go thru here in Chicago , this Mimi Person is either My ex Jen or one of her fools. What happen there Jen You done pulled your bullshit , over in another town now , So you don’t have anything else better to do ? Huh . You know you could always go back to North East Iowa , and have sex with your tormentors there or at a truck stop or in a alley or in a guys Range Rover 🙂 , Thoes seems to be a favored of yours. Naw telling lies on me gives you more pleasure right , I hi, I didn’t show up that last day on July 11 2011 , Aren’t you shame…..Why are you so mad , that I didn’t give you one last turn of the knife there Jen :)…LOL , Not a chance sweet momma sugar panties , I started to get rid of you several times I just couldn’t do it . So go bother someone else , With this fake crap here at Savory Dish , your fake profiles on Match.com, and your fake life period. LEAVE ME ALONE, ….I don’t care about you at all…., @ Savory I know this looks weird but I’m telling you its her sir, and her clowns again. They put this here to see if they could get a rise outta me , This Jen doesn’t wanna get well , because she’s too busy making fools of people like mimi . So please Savory let this post stay, you see she never answers . its because when she can’t find anyone to trick or another host . She hoovers this way , its a fancy way of Push and Pull.

      • Sammy said

        @ Zee amen Bro All I’m trying to do is live a happy private life , I don’t need this type of bull shit……This is an outrage , They need to lock these type of morons up in a plastic room someplace , and throw away the key. , I’m not kidding!!!

      • Sammy said

        Oh and @ Savory Dish why I’m I the focus here for MiMi ? Why does she want to be agreed with so much . And for every one to turn on me…Huh have you asked yourself that . MiMi all I have to say is this isn’t WeatherMark Tarven, or LaCantina , LOL …You won’t be able to bullshit people here , like you could there. Nice try though?? @Savory Dish , They know the places I speak of trust me , One place is a place I would never go even if I didn’t know my ex . And the other is just a place I pass by on certain days ….Weather-mark holds totally no value …Non at all …LOL!!! MiMi….Again tell Jen thanks for the effort though.

      • savorydish said

        You are the focus, because Mimi needs an enemy. She needs to convince everyone that this is a bad bad place. She wants to convince us that everyone would be happier if we had borderlines in our lives. But like all drama queens, she disappeared as soon as she realized no one was buying what she was selling.

    • savorydish said

      All the drama indeed. Mimi says she is not a borderline, but she does a pretty good impersonation. If you want to identify a borderline follow the trail of drama.

      • jhan1969 said

        EXACTLY. Once you let a borderline know – in no uncertain terms – that you’re not buying their game, they pretty much disappear. As long as one is willing to COMPLETELY go no contact.

      • savorydish said

        In my personal experience, once you bring attention to their dysfunction, they will have no motivation to contact you. They want someone who will subscribe to their distorted view of the world and never question their ways.

        Why do I engage people like Mimi? To show you what it’s like to live with a borderline. This thread is exactly what you can expect. The BP will have you talking in circles in hopes of breaking you down.

        As long as you stand your ground they will disappear without a trace. Don’t expect to stay friends. Because they will want nothing to do with you. Be prepared to be devaluated and demonized just like Mimi has done here.

  32. jhan1969 said

    Borderlines love to try and convince everyone that they’re not ‘bad people.’ I DON’T CARE whether or not they’re bad people. That’s completely beside the point.

    As soon as I hear a BPD – or ANY personality disordered person, giving the ‘I’m/we’re not bad people’ spiel, I RUN AS FAST AS I CAN. ‘Cause you can be guaranteed that this is either a HOOVERING attempt, or a cover-up.

    Unless I hear the words, ‘I COMPLETED TWO YEARS OF DBT,’ I’ll have nothing to do with a Borderline. And I’ll NEVER knowingly enter a relationship with a Borderline regardless.

    • savorydish said

      The people like Mimi who come here to discredit and demonize this website are just illustrating the process of devaluation. These are people who will always play the victim because that is where they find power. They will claim your evaluation of their mental health is a form of abuse. That is the game they play.

      • Zee said

        As oppposed to the REAL abuse they suffered as a child, which they cannot deal with. Borderlines cannot accept criticism, because to them, all criticism is a personal attack. And you will see the ‘not bad’ person go into full banshee mode if you offer any.

  33. Steve said

    I have to say , that was a excellent job moderating, especially with Mimi- that verbal exchange had bpd written all over it. Very convincing thou, highly articulate, and most likely very devious and dangerous to any and all who are in her path. You can see why psychologist and psychiatrist don,t want to deal with them.

    Let me give some recap as of how I,am doing ( I’ve wrote some time ago ) I don,t know if you remember me, but I do follow when I can, but mostly from the sidelines.
    The last time I wrote I was very angry, bitter and resentful due to the 2 BORDERLINES in my life. I’ve learned many things, not only about BORDERLINES but about myself. I’ve come to realize that ALL the woman I’ve ever dated were borderline ! A total of about (4) . Unfortunately for me, I was not aware, nor did I know anything about bpd, or my predilection to it. If you put me in a room with 1000 women, and ask me to choose one in 5 min, with out them saying one word, I would pick the borderline, this I know to be a fact. Well, your probably thinking I,am a narcissist- I,am not . Not to say a narcissist would admit to such a accusation, but I,am the exact opposite of a narc. I have much empathy and compassion for my fellow man . example:) some time ago several years ago, I befriended this black dude who had a severely bow legged gate which caused him to walk with much difficulty. He walked 4 miles to work everyday, and I would pass and see him on many occasions, so decided to give him a lift one day and we had become friends, realizing he had no family invited him for Christmas with my family. I also invited my ex wife and her mother which I both love, and have a great relationship with both ( strange I know ) but it is what it is. My family including my children know and understand me, did not have problem with me inviting this very different individual into my home on Christmas Eve , but my wife and her daughter (bpd) had many problems with my decision.
    I,am a very busy individual and realize life is very difficult for the more unfortunate then myself, and try to do things like the above mentioned everyday. This is not to say I,am a angel , far from it. I do not tolerate disrespect of myself or my family, I have switch that goes off, blood goes to my head, and it’s all over. Fortunately for me I’ve never been arrested for it. But unlike the borderline I take full responsibilities for my actions. But I have neither verbally or physically abused a woman, ever. Like Sammy I’ve had a rough up bringing, but it feel it’s made me the person I,am today.

    7 months ago I decided I had enough. I’ve been sleeping in a small room in the house till May, saving money to buy another house as I,am giving this one to her. I,am not about fighting or going to court, I,am choosing the path of least resistance in hopes of getting myself back- and at this point in life I,am not sure there will be much to salvage, I’ve been so entangled in bpd it would seem to myself that I,am totally lost, starting over at 56 seems to be a daunting task not to mention gathering my marbles back. I,am so tired of fighting for my life and self respect from the accusations, courts, restraint orders, enabling family members, doubting my own sanity, trying to figure out why I choose these people, and why these people do what they do is a full time job in itself. All while NOBODY understands what bpd is, or what it does to you is frustrating- you just can,t explain it to anyone without sounding like you lost your friggin mind,or just angry and vengeful . I’ve resigned myself to the fact that there is no answers. I hear these stories about people being attacked by these individuals and then go on to live lonely isolated lives…………..and I ask myself, is this where iam going- or am I going to get better ? Either way it’s a leap of faith I,am willing to take.

    Thanks for letting me rant.

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