Tearing Me Up Inside

December 27, 2013

Megan writes in the comment section of a posting on Borderlines that cut people out of their lives:

It’s been 8 very long weeks since my ‘borderline’ boyfriend cut me black and it is still tearing me up inside. I really don’t know what I’ve done wrong to deserve to be treated in this way? All I ever did was show him love and he shuts me out – sending me a message on Facebook asking me to never contact him again, and then deleting me from his aspects of his life. This included deleting my friends, but apologising to them, saying it’s nothing personal but he has decided to cut all connections with me cause I’m ‘crazy’!. Yet, for some reason I am still madly in love with this man, would still do anything for this man… My friends believe that I should be over him by now, and I would be if I could be. They don’t understand how I feel, he has spun me into his web and left me there to die. I can’t take the pain much longer.

I write back:

Megan,
The post (I found your comment in) is by far the most popular on this blog. It is visited by people from all over the world. You can tell by the size of the comment section. This should tell you that this is a very common problem amongst people in BPD relationships. In other words, you are not alone.

You did everything right. THAT is the reason why he ran for the hills. He said you were crazy because projecting his illness onto you is the only way he knows how to justify abandoning you. Ironic, because it was his fear of abandonment that caused him to run in the first place.

We all know how bad the pain is but don’t do anything foolish. You can take the pain. We all did and you can too. It seems impossible but (over time) you will heal. Be strong. We are here for you.

You are not madly in love with this man. You have an addiction.You are addicted to the feel-good chemicals that all borderlines are good at stirring up. That is why it is so hard to leave. You are chasing the high that once was. But realize that was only an illusion. The person who cut you out is the real person you are dealing with.

It’s ok to feel what you’re feeling, but know that this is not the end for you. Today is the first day of your recovery, your own self-recovery. Your friends know nothing about addiction and BPD. We do. So believe us when we say, “This too shall pass.”

Mariah Needs Your Help

December 11, 2013

She writes:

I’m sad, and I’m crying. Because I just realized there is no hope for my relationship with Cameron. He and his have been together for almost 3 years. He’s telling me he doesn’t know if he’s in love with me anymore. He just found out he was a BP last night. We always knew something was up. He keeps getting more and more distant. No matter how much I love him and he loves me. He just tried to break up with me just now. But he hasn’t decided, please tell me what I can do to save this relationship. Yesterday was his birthday and we were perfectly happy now he’s doing this out of no where. And I’m crushed. Someone please help me. My email isMariah.nicole3334@yahoo.com

Jen Offers Insight

December 3, 2013

A woman with BPD tells her side of the story:

I read all these comments, on this site and many others. I want to clarify. I am a borderline. I’ve spent years and years behaving in patterns that I, myself, could not understand. I have finally become self-aware enough, to see the problem, and to want to change my actions. I can’t speak for other borderlines, only for myself. But when I see people write that we are toxic, loveless, non caring, horrible people, I have to disagree. I rage, yes. I push you away, I will viciously attack you with my words. But it’s not about YOU, it’s because I am hurting so badly and I am so afraid you are lying to me and trying to trick me or hurt me or make a fool out of me, that I know of no other way to handle this pain. It’s horrible. It hurts me just as it hurts you. It feels like my brain is constantly racing, trying to stay 2 steps ahead of you trying to hurt me. I can’t trust my perceptions of your actions, and if I ask you I don’t know if I can trust your response. You did not ask for this, neither did I. But try for a moment to imagine living with no peace, with constant fear and turmoil inside your head. This is what it feels like to be a borderline, at least for me. It’s not about you, destroying you or ruining your life, it’s about preserving myself. That’s not to justify the actions, it’s just to maybe give the readers some insight, we are trying to save ourselves, we were never taught a productive way to do that.