Temper Tantrum

July 24, 2013

Borderline women often suffer from arrested development. The untreated are unable to handle emotions like an adult. So they have tantrums. They cry. They pout until they get their way. And if they don’t get their way, they accuse you of abuse. This wild child accused her hubby of being an emotional bully because he wouldn’t take her boating. We will never know the true story but this evidence says a lot.

51 Responses to “Temper Tantrum”

  1. naples104 said

    I remember well the conflict I had with my borderline, my best advice is get out now. Suffer the pain and get out. There is life after the borderline relationship.

    • toughmat said

      Ive been no contact for a month and a half. Its been very hard and i dont feel certain about things. Nick Heather from this blog has been huge in helping me. My ex never threw a tantrum like in the video. It was more of an allow me to ‘fuck up’ then her threat of withdrawal followed by accusations and guilt trips.

  2. naples104 said

    matt, I am happy that you have begun the road to be free from BPD. Stay strong and see a therapist that specializes in cluster B personality disorders. That is how I overcame my co-dependence and let go of my borderline. You have issues too or you would have walked a long time ago, work out your issues and become mentally healthy. Its the only way to live.

    • toughmat said

      thanks Tom i’m not out of the woods yet. I actually saw a guy experienced in dealing with BPD and he had the privilege of meeting her. He said due to her black and white thinking and inability to put herself in my shoes she seems borderline. Now she is telling her facebook world i was a liar and a manipulator. please.

  3. toughmat said

    By guy i should have said therapist. I saw him for a year. Then he took a job at ucla amd could no longer see me. Sd glad your posting and i hope you are stearing clear of bpd and damaged women.

    • toughmat said

      *youre. And i am grateful for this blog. its hard and there is a chance i get back w her…but if i do it will not be soon and it will be a choice and not an addiction. thats the plan at least. to learn to care for myself without needing to save, fix, or gain approval of another.

    • naples104 said

      Matt, try really hard to not go back. Stay with therapy and find out why you are drawn to a woman that cannot have a relationship. BPD’s always blame someone else for everything in life. They take no responsibility for anything that goes wrong in life and everything in their lives goes wrong. They show moments of sensitivity where they may admit that they have issues bit that is a fleeting moment. They quickly go back to devaluing and discarding and spewing hatred. Their child like behavior makes us want to save them. They have only the conflict resolution skills of a child, they suffered as children emotionally and their emotions never integrated. Your co-dependence will draw you back to her while you search for the love and acceptance that you did not receive as a child. Its a vicious circle that you need to learn about and set boundaries for your self. Stay strong my friend and write here so we all can help you.

      Tom

      • savorydish said

        Thanks for this, Tom. It’s great insight. I’m currently writing another post, your comment may be quoted.
        SD

      • toughmat said

        is there a missing comment on something someones borderline did? Mike, you seem to understand bpd as well as anyone. Yesterday after no contact for nearly 2 months my ex texted me saying if I wanted some CDs back but if I don’t there’s no need to reply and she will know that means. I have withheld from sponding because I don’t want to get sucked back in but I feel incredibly guilty for ignoring her

      • toughmat said

        she wrote on my bday yesterday saying ‘hope you have a great and safe birthday’. i didnt write back because i am told it is her ploy to re engage. i really wanted to. i miss her. i keep hearing stories about women being controlling w men and i am confused. maybe she was not bpd. i am not looking back and feeling so great i left her. i have freedom now…but i miss her. maybe time will change that but idk. seems like absence is makibg my heart grow fonder.

      • savorydish said

        Kudos for making the break. You took charge of your own well-being. It is natural to miss her, but you will move on.

      • toughmat said

        I appreciate it guys. so any woman that was raped is incapable of having a loving relationship? unless they do significant amount of healing right? which my girlfriend is currently embarking on but I guess it has yet to take hold and may never? I like the idea of focusing on myself and putting my own healing first. I have always filled

        the void with sports or food or something

      • toughmat said

        external….what better than a female who is attractive fun talented and unpredictable. I have never been able to be organized and save money. my car is always a mess. i think its all related. i feel dumb.that i.cant do simple things. I have so much to change for the better.

      • naples104 said

        Matt, I would not connect the things you are not good at with the feelings you have for this woman. Every thing in our minds is interconnected but a messy car and lack of organization skills do not mean that you cannot have a happy life. I have an old car and put no value on automobiles, yet my GF drive an 80k Jag and is highly organized. Everyone has different priorities in life and the key to being complete and happy is being happy with yourself. If being sloppy makes you mad at your self then change it. I think you are more concerned with what other will think of those things than anything else about them. Focus on you and make your happiness a priority, if you are not happy find out why.

        Tom

  4. naples104 said

    I will help in any way I can. SD, your blog put me on the course to recovery and that recover allows me to become a happy free person. I am still co-dependent and always will be but I have learned to love and respect my self and at a minimum place my needs on a “par” with everyone else. The key to my recovery was understanding BPD and more importantly learning what happened in my life that adversely affected me.

    Tom

  5. toughmat said

    Tom, well said. You sound so sure of yourself for making a good decision. I can look at my life now and realize I can do whatever I want, and I am not getting into fights with anyone or worrying about my every decision upsetting her. Its nice. But, I miss her a lot. I am very suspicious of women and general right now. I can see the bpd and neediness in all of them…I worry that the devil (woman) I knew and loved, is better than the devil (women) I dont know. Its hard to imagine the levels of autonomy I guess I was asking for, being ok with a woman. Maybe my ex was right, and I just was too immature and not ready to commit to a relationship. I can give reasons why i disagree, but again, Im a guy and I just feel like women see things differently. I can look at my friends and other guys who seem to not be in fights and can breathe easily, but I wonder if perhaps they are just better at dealing with women and more experienced than myself. Maybe they just say “youre right baby, Im sorry” no matter what, where I was like “that doesnt make logical sense” and fights start.

    • savorydish said

      It is normal to miss your ex. It wasn’t all for nothing. Even the most dysfunctional relationships have some degree of love.

    • Michael Hughes said

      “That doesn’t make logical sense” is the absolute genesis of the the confusion and frustration that fueled the pain i experienced while i was enmeshed with my BPD ex GF. Rather than just accept the fact that her delusions were her REALITY, (that she was unhealthy) and leave the relationship, (which points to my codependency that is now being addressed), I would constantly try and explain, defend, and rationalize to her the logic of my behavior, while trying to get her to see the illogical cognitive distortions she was believing.
      As anyone who has been involved with a BPD can relate to….this experience drove me into severe emotional depression and also led me to question my sanity. A BPD’s core belief system is based on abandonment fears. when we love them and are not behaving in a way that substantiates their core belief…i.e. not abandoning them…their belief system is fundamentally challenged. To face this challenge and explore the possibility that their belief system is flawed is terrifying because essentially it would necessitate that they be willing to consider the possibility that their beliefs, their viewpoint, their perspective is damaged….that they may be disordered. This, in most cases, will never happen. BPDs also suffer from immense guilt/shame. Looking at the possibility that their behaviors may be wrong is excruciatingly painful for them. Therefore when they scream out for love and a logical person is there for them and doesn’t abandon them, the very thing they want more than anything is what threatens their core belief system most directly. When that belief system is threatened a signal goes off and the behavior that eventually pushes us away is employed by them. By pushing us away, a self fulfilling prophecy is realized. The fear of abandonment is realized and the BPD will typically react by blaming us for abandoning them. LOVE/HATE….”splitting”, come here/ go away…all the classic actions of the BPD. The truth is that the BPD sets into motion the behaviors that ultimately cause us to leave (to preserve what is left of our emotional sanity) no matter how much we love them. Then the BPD gets to blame us because we abandoned them thereby reinforcing their core belief system and once again, rather than face their issues, they can be the “victim” ….it’s all our fault. Bottom line: A BPD is completely illogical. Their reality is, in most cases, delusional. BUT IT IS THEIR REALITY!!!!!. We nonBPDs are, for the most part, logical. The difference is that we can be logical and be aware of their being illogical. BUT they cannot comprehend that they are illogical. They believe their reality is real and when we challenge that , they are attacked, we are monsters and everything becomes 180 degrees out of phase.
      The only way for a nonBPD to survive and not go crazy is to surrender. Surrender to the fact that we are trying to apply logic to an illogical situation AND IT AINT GONNA WORK!!!!!
      I love my ex G/F…..its been a year since ive had contact of any kind with her….and i miss her….but im slowly returning to emotional calm…my depression is lifting. And life, in it’s natural logical continuum is beginning to work for me again…I’ve escaped from the rabbit hole i fell into with my ex where “logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead” as Grace Slick would say…..
      Being enmeshed in her world was a nightmare. Leaving my BPD and returning to reality is a return to sanity. We are not illogical….just love struck, in love with a person we couldn’t help. it was illogical to stay stuck….it is logical to detach with love, maintain NO CONTACT and work on ourselves.

      Wisdom and compassion to all…God Bless….Mike

      • naples104 said

        Mike, I can feel your pain, I went through a similar experience. the difference is I addressed the reason that I was attracted to these people, (saving people), co-dependence. You will repeat this experience with a person that has some level of emotional disability and will do it for the rest of your life unless you seek help and address why you seek to save people. Find a therapist that specializes in Cluster B personality disorders, BPD is one of them, and get help. Something happened in your early years with most likely your father or a lack of relationship with your male role model that has you seeking love by putting everyone’s needs before yours. That will never work, I have tried it. The victims of Cluster B personality disorders have a level of mental illness too. If we did not, we would never allow ourselves to be involved with these people for as long as we stay and the many times we either ask them back or allow them to come back. It is disguised as love and it is not love, it is co-dependence. You can fix this but first you have to learn about why you are the way you are. I wish you the best!!

        Tom

      • savorydish said

        Looking at the possibility that their behaviors may be wrong is excruciatingly painful for them

        Glad the depression is leaving, Mike. It always does.

      • naples104 said

        SD is correct, the BPD or any Cluster B person cannot face the possibility that they are wrong or their way of resolving conflict is ineffective. The pain of what happened to them, in the case of female BPD, (they are overwhelmingly female, males are generally diagnosed as Narcissistic or anti-social), generally sexual abuse (common almost 90% of BPD’s have been sexually abused), when they were young.

        Not trying to create sympathy for them, but my therapist said to me when I told him that my BPD had admitted that she had been sexually abused, and i speculated that the pain of the abuse must be so great that they cannot possibly recover. His response was interesting, he said that I think in a very limited way of the pain they suffer. He said just think of how chaotic a child’s life must have been and how chaotic the home must have been for a man, generally the father, BF or step father, that this chaos creates an atmosphere comfortable enough for an adult male to have sex or sexually abuse a child. Most times the mothers are aware of the abuse and for a variety of very sick reasons they ignore it and deny it.

        All of that as a back drop of childhood spells that this person from a mental health standpoint is terminally ill and incapable of having a long term loving adult relationship. The rage that exists inside them is nothing less than a molten mess waiting to explode and they do it to the one person that tries to save them. When they get close the fear of abandonment becomes over whelming and they flash back to the emotional and developmental abandonment that took place during their childhood.

        The only way they can protect themselves from being abandoned again is to blame you for something that they consider egregious, then hate you, split and black you out. All of this happens in the subconscious and they are unaware of it nor can they stop it, it is their primitive self defense mechanism on auto pilot. You cannot stop, fix or save this person, sadly they are doomed and so are you if you spend your life with them.

        The point I am making Matt and Mike, is never go back.

        Tom

  6. Flopsy said

    That was outrageous. I would dump her in the frigging lake!

  7. Sammy C said

    All I can say is …RUN …RUN for your life ….They are Natural Disasters!!!! They are pitiful souls that they are , But people buy their brand of bull shit. Cause its the way the world is set up now!

    • Sammy C said

      Naples104 , Thanks so much for this post it helps to clear up some more of the fog for me , You know I’ve always been sure that my Sociopath Ex , was totally sexually abused as a young girl , If you go back to my earlier post you’ll see I’ve made mention of this several times..But its always that little thing that ticks in your brain, and you ask yourself am I sure I’m right about what I’ve said. But my sixth sense, that same one tells me I’m totally right. Once I figured that out and trusted it, then I never cared weather I heard from that dog ever again , or heifer I should say , LOL I’m serious. She’s like a dirty crawly insect to me now ! But I do still think about that whole trickery period in my life and I still have my HUH moments LOL’ but I’m fine other wise and pretty clear on the whole thing now LOL….Just working on getting my Testosterone levels back up , then the alpa male in me will do his job…! Oh and at Savory Dish I remember a post a while back that did me a world of good when I was really in a daze , And that was You said the NON’s “have to be ok with being split by them and never getting closer”! And I am there, but I am also ok with hate as well at this point for this particular person. But not so much where it controls me anymore.

  8. Sammy C said

    @ Michael Hughes, Man your post up top is 99.9 % correct , its a hell of a web to have to get untangled from. Now, I know how a “Fly” feels when its caught in a spiders web. I’m certain they feel the same , hopeless ! And it is hopeless for a fly, but thank g
    God it not hopeless for us NON”S , But the bit I don’t agree with is the to detach with love ending , Loving a person like that to me is only going to set you up to repeat it again. SEE you said a mouth full which I totally understand now, these people think they are right and they are hell of wrong, and they have hell of people gasin em up telling them its ok girl, he just a stalker and all this damn bull shit. And the Cluster-B goes on being a fucked up person in every sense ! All they want is a hand full of people telling them they are right when they know they are fuck up and been told by the medical pro’s that they can’t have relationships, They don’t want help dude they want people who’s going to go along with their lying as shit . See you’re technically in love with a lying, deceptive ass hole ! there is no winning there dude! And there certainly ain’t no love. Maybe you can love someone newly diagnosed , cause they didn’t know , But I “BET” you 100 bucks that your BPD
    Knows/Knew…BET? but a repeat offender who goes from town to town city to city , talking about they are traveling , Yeah you’re traveling all right , They need to travel to the Mayo Clinic and stay there! LOL

  9. Sammy C said

    People say Sam why don’t you just get over it , Man People will never know the level of deception and the unsolicited lies that where leveled upon me, People following me, coming to computer stores when I’m there , Hacking my Facebook page and other accounts , having spanish gangsters checking me out and she’s not spanish but she’s tricked the spanish into thinking she’s this big shot , I’m serious we have proof ,calling me a stalker and the such when I know I never came to her place unless I was invited there. Which turned out to be the biggest mistake I made cause had I gone by there I would have found out what I needed to know early in April of 2011 and dumped her ass right then, …WOW! I’m like the JEWS now though “NEVER AGAIN” …I’m serious!

  10. toughmat said

    Well, Tom says to write here. I talked to Nick Heather almost daily and he helps me stay focused. He is a Godsend. Mostly he tries to remind me she is crazy and cant love me. I drive him nuts by playing devils advocate as I do here because I deeply long for her.. I cant help but to just want to go back all the time. I think im taking my freedom for granted. I probably took her for granted too sometimes. I tried to remind myself that when i was with her it could be one of the last times and to really appreciate it just because it got to the point where i was convinced it wouldnt last very long. I think back to moments and i just cant imagine having such a connection or nice time with anyone else…or that Id even want to. When un-triggered she was amazing. Im telling myself I am doing this for my health and my self development and maybe one day she and I can get back together. i love her like family and now we dont even talk. Its like that song…somebody that I used to know except I feel like the dick who cut her out. Poor girl just wants to be loved and validated.

    • naples104 said

      Matt, what you are experiencing is called, “euphoric recall”, remembering only the good things. You need to address the issues within your life that make you dependent on a very sick woman. Trust me, you have issues. You need to focus on you, what makes you happy and what makes you a “complete person” happy without the dependency upon others. You need to love you, respect you, place you first in your life and then learn to be that person. You are still connected to her emotionally and she is poison, she is toxic, she will make sure you stay co-dependent the rest of your life and when she is ready to split and black you out, she will. They are as sick as any serial killer, imagine the most insane scenario that you can and that is where their subconscious mind is 100% of the time. They are a weapon waiting to explode, living in a state of repressed anger waiting for someone to blame. You have no future with this woman and you have no future of being happy until you learn what happened to you and set boundaries to deal with your own personal pathological issues, all the best my friend, stay strong and learn who Matt is and become who you want Matt to be.

      Tom

      • toughmat said

        Tom thank you but I dont know if she is full borderline. I found out today that something I thought she was lying about she wasnt and was being very honest. I think she just wants to be loved and to love someone very badly and expects that other person to dedicate themselves fully or she gets upset and starts pushing away. Especially because she devotes herself fully and makes TOTAL sacrifice. I get what you are saying Tom, but I think this one is a bit different…or maybe I am skewed by learning about her honesty today. She put these new pictures up on facebook and just looks so innocent for love. Desperate almost…I feel for her….I miss our great times you are right. The bad times were mostly her insecurity about her health and other women and my friends. Perhaps I overreacted a lot when it wasnt so bad beyond an overly sensitive woman.

      • savorydish said

        Mat
        She was sexually abused which means she is dealing with the same issues as someone with BPD. Read more about PTSD and sexual abuse.

      • naples104 said

        Matt, I cannot diagnosis her nor can you but we can analyze her behavior. If she has been sexually abused you are in for a very difficult life with this woman. The majority of BPD’s have been sexually abused. I know she looks sad and forlorn, they all do until they turn their anger toward you. It seems tolerable retrospectively because you want the void filled that was created in your childhood. She is a reflection of what you had in your childhood life, which is a reflection of the pain. Your deep subconscious mind is most comfortable with the pain of push pull love. The push pull love you had as a child is what you have with her and it is what your mind is wired to accept and attract. You want to save her so you can save yourself. You need to uncover that and deal with that pain. The key is to fill that void with Matt, not with a woman. The void that will develop once you have begun to place you first in your life will be a void for a healthy relationship with a mentally healthy woman. Matt, block her from your facebook and move on. You will be happier.

        Tom

  11. jamese1980 said

    Wasn’t sure where to tell my story of my ex g/f, but I seen this blog and immediately signed up for this site hoping I can get some help/answers.

    I feel a little guilty because I was not involved my ex for a very long time at all and every other story I’ve read the person has been involved or has even been married to their borderline for 1+ years, but It just seems so much has happened in the very short time we were involved.

    I started hanging out with this girl about 3 weeks after she broke it off with her “crazy stalker” ex bf. The first night we hung out we did the whole “tell me your story” thing. She had multiple stories about how she was screwed over in the past and how guys just took off and left her for other women, cheated on her, ECT.

    I’ve known this person for a few years (by known I mean via Facebook and seen her out here and there) we started dating in mid March. Things seemed to be going pretty good. We were taking things slow (seeing each other about once a week), having fun, and getting to know each other for about a month before we even became sexual. Immediately after our 1st sexual encounter the relationship seemed like it started going 100mph. (IMO anyway)it was very blissful we started to see each other pretty much everyday for the next month.

    Things were going great, but I started to sense her pulling away from me a little bit, I just thought she was getting complacent, well it went from pulling away to almost completely shutting me out. I questioned her about it and she accused me of just being needy I’m not generally a needy person, but I decided to give her a little space and stayed away for a few days.

    I made implications to her that we needed to take a break, she reluctantly agreed (this was on a Sunday) on Tuesday she called me saying that she had just taken a pregnancy test and it was positive. I (33 with no kids) had mixed emotions about the news. Excitement mixed with a little bit of fear, but told her I was “all in!!” She (27 with a 2 1/2 year old) didn’t seem as thrilled, but told me “I will be as positive as I can”

    The relationship had its ups and downs over the course of the next month and a half, but we were making it through. It was very stressful on me because of her constant pulling me close and then pushing me away. I just assumed her actions were because of the pregnancy. The majority of the time I just found excuses to stay away (just to keep my sanity), but I did care about her and wanted to be there for her through the pregnancy.

    We went on vacation with her family and I had an emergency at work and had to leave abruptly. She demanded that I do not leave because it will embarrass her, I had no choice but to leave. As I returned home I let her know that I made it safely and that I told the rest of my family and friends about the pregnancy, she said “you shouldn’t have left yesterday, you knew it was over if you left” she proceeded to tell me that the kid was not mine. When I wanted to know who it belonged to she said “well it is yours but I had an abortion 2 days ago” then immediately deleted and blocked me on Facebook. Asked me never to talk to her again. Come to find out she did not actually have the abortion until the following week.

    She contacted me the next weekend and asked if we could hang out as friends, but she said she didn’t want me to think of it as anymore than that.

    I have since talked to her other child’s father and he said something very similar to this happened between them as well. He said that they were only together for 2 weeks before she got pregnant. He proceeded to tell me that she was so controlling that he had to just get away.

    I have also learned that she had her “crazy stalker” ex bf (she only dated for 3 months and showed no interest until she knew that he had moved on and was happy) come to where she was on vacation the day after I left and now they are back together.

    It has been over a month and a half since the breakup and I still feel devastated. I’m just wondering if I was dealing an overly emotional pregnant girl or a person with BPD? I have researched BDP a lot in the last month and it seems like a text book case, but I’m still a little lost. I just can’t understand why I feel like I still want her back, even though I know in my head what she did was pure evil IMO (Leading me on to believe I was going to be a father, buying me Father’s Day gifts, taking me to go hear the heartbeat then aborting the baby after she had me all excited about being a father)

    I apologize for the length of this.
    There is more to the story and a lot more details that truly make me believe she has BPD

  12. toughmat said

    Jamese,
    Hopefully someone here can provide you with some answers. From what you wrote, sounds pretty common bpd stuff. Ill let the more experienced guys chime in. I think one thing about bpd is they realize that their partners have a level of fear of abandonent too and they use that sometimes to test the partner and bring the partner in closer….pushing away, causing a reaction in the partner whose own fear causes him/her to fight for the prize and proving love to the bpd who needs the validation. Thats where the self fulfilling prophecy kicks in. Has anyone seen this site:

    http://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/

    It is a very pro bpd healing site and there are some men in interviews who talk about supporting their lovely bdps and how it works.

    I am over two months of no contact and its hard shit. I miss my ex a lot. I wonder about her and I want to see her so badly. I have intense dreams about her. I know that if I went back now it would just repeat the cycle of fights so no matter what I have to wait and focus on myself…..so im told.

  13. toughmat said

    The posts seem to come in out of order. SD, with all my respect to your amazing blog here, is there any way to make it so the posts are in time line order? Of course if you dont like that I understand.

    • savorydish said

      Unfortunately, that’s a WordPress glitch. But you can try writing to the guys who run WordPress.

      • toughmat said

        Anything new? Im still no.contact. On facebook i cN see she likes.her exes.posts.amd he likes hers…this.is the one she said.beat her and cheated on her. It drives me nuts and i get very angry. Im.tempted.to.send an.angry. message about that but hold back. She was a lovely person and i miss her…she listemed well too unlike many bpds i hear. Just trying to focus on myself and detach but its hard. SD how are you? Id love to hear more from Michael.and.Tom as well.

      • savorydish said

        I’m doing well, mat. Thanks for asking. Try not to get too caught up in her drama. You can’t change her. Not with angry emails. She has to help herself. De friend her on Facebook if that helps you. Best SD

      • naples104 said

        Matt, the best thing is to block her from your facebook. She is trying to send a message to you that you made a mistake and you did by dating her. Euphoric recall is powerful you remember all the fun times and the feeling that it gave you. You are searching for the love you did not get as a child and that is not healthy love, it is co-dependence. She is your past now and nothing can change that. It took me a year to let go and it is the very best thing that happened to me. I am not without challenges of co-dependence. I have abandonment issues that I will have for the rest of my life but I manage them. I get jealous on a level that is not healthy but I am aware of it. I work hard on that every day and tell my self that I am a worth man and my past has caused wounds that if I let them manage and control me, i will have no life. Study the attachment theory and realize that you are weak in some areas that will need to be addressed for the rest of your life. You will try to save people and thats ok as long as it is not in your romantic life. Find a strong woman that is looking for a partnership and has a good relationship with her children if she has them and with her parents if they are alive. If they are not, find out what her child hood was like and see if she has been in therapy, I think everyone should be in therapy at some point in their lives. Mostly work on you, try to meet people that dont know you and you cannot talk about your BPD. You will be able to pick out the people with issues as you get to know them and be able to decide if they are toxic or healthy for you. Look at the site meetup.com. It is not a dating site it is a site to meet people in activities that you all like, no pressure of dating just a place to make new friends. Stay strong Matt and write often, all the best my friend.

        Tom

  14. toughmat said

    thanks Tom and savory. last night I watched the movie Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind. it really got me missing my ex and thinking that all the good is worth all the trouble… as that is what can be an interpretation of the ending. my ex had a lot of similarities to kate winslet in the movie including that she makes jim carrey feel alive like she did me. The adventures. my ex’s sister texted me the other day asking for some CDs and told me that my ex is having a really hard time

    • savorydish said

      Whether she is having a good time or a hard time, you are no longer responsible for her

    • toughmat said

      It didnt seem manipulative. I don’t believe my ex befriends her ex josh to make me feel a certain way, I think she does it because she needs validation and/or similarity. as for you for free call Tom, that definitely occurs and was a central theme to the movie as well. that is how is Jim Carrey fell in love with his ex all over again when they were attempting to a race his memory of her.

      • toughmat said

        *erase

      • toughmat said

        *as for euphoric recall

      • naples104 said

        Matt, I have seen that movie and it is scary that we like women that act the way she does. They are dead inside except for the anger they want to inflict upon you and the affection they suck from you to be in control. Keep in mind that you can never figure out what they are thinking because they are acting out in a primitive self defense mode 100% of the time. Even when they seem happy they can switch to rage, anger or depression in a second and leave you feeling like shit after they devalue you and discard you then come back and crying and blame the outburst on something you did. That is the behavior of an insane person and because you are a fixer and someone that likes and needs to save people you are drawn to it and want to help. Its a sick cycle that you have to break. get off facebook or block her, no contact is the only want to heal from her and the web that she will tangle you in. they are black widows and they are lethal.

        Tom

  15. toughmat said

    http://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/2013/08/BorderBPD-Documentary-watch-online.html

    What do you think? The men stand by their women. Of course, these are women that want to get better and admit they have an issue…my ex admits and gets treated for ptsd, but not borderline and as Ive said, her therapist whom I like a lot doesnt think she is borderline, even after I explain a lot of my stories and try to convince her. I did not to demonize my ex, but to get truth out so she can heal and I can stay. Im trying to focus on my issues which are plentiful. However, sometimes people fall in love and want to make things work instead of throw in the towel and give up on someone or a relationship. Its confusing…what is right, what is wrong, and when?

    • savorydish said

      Ultimately, you have to decide what is right for you. It doesn’t matter what she has or doesn’t have. If she causes misery in your life, then it’s time to end the relationship. Ask yourself if she is worth the roller-coaster ride. Your well-being is at risk.

  16. naples104 said

    if the person is mentally ill, irrespective of male or female ask yourself why would you want a life with an insane person. If they act irrationally and display insanity, they are irrational and insane, run in the other direction and let them go, if you cannot, get get help immediately. I can see this so clearly now and I could not before because I was sick also. Co-dependency will steal your happy life from you and sentence you to a life of misery.

    Tom

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