The Violent Vegetarian

December 5, 2012

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Meet Jenny, the self-proclaimed “Violent Vegetarian”. It is a well-chosen name for a borderline on the rampage. My BPD-ex was also a vegetarian. It was all part of her “alternative lifestyle” which also included being an angry feminist and a part-time lesbian.

You might be asking what the connection is between BPD and vegetarianism. The answer is simple- When you are as sensitive as a BP, you see victimization everywhere. Oh… Didn’t you know that eating meat was a form of victimization? Listen to Jenny the Violent Vegetarian and you might be convinced.

Anyhoo, this is what she had to say about an article I posted a while back called Can a Borderline Sustain a Relationship? :

I would not be at all surprised if at least some of those suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder who have read this article will, or already have, committed suicide. You act as though it is easy to resolve, and as though a person with active BPD is unlovable. That is NOT true. You obviously don’t care about people. If you did, you would know some people such as myself only want to be able to be loved by someone else for once in their miserable lives. I HAVE loved others before, I guarantee you, and you cannot lie to me and say I have NOT loved others before, selflessly, and without putting demands on them. & always apologizing if I’ve hurt their feelings, as any other person would do.

Also, actually getting treatment without being treated with a huge stigma, in a condescending manner by health professionals can be VERY difficult for someone with BPD. I’m “crazy”, not stupid, and if I am treated even worse by health professionals than most people on the street, why should I get treatment? Do you really care about me getting better, if you want me to go through more misery & treatment that has never helped me, years of expensive therapy (treatment isn’t free. You seem to neglect this fact entirely), in some vain attempt to be lovable one day? Your article does make it all sound hopeless, and makes a Borderline sound totally unlovable which is absolutely untrue.

Stop trying to make other people not love those with Borderline Personality. Just stop, because you have no idea what it is like to be told you can never have love, and you are unlovable with a poor prognosis or without full remission. Many people with even worse mental illness and physical disabilities are allowed love and can have a relationship. I thank the universe that not everyone has seen your article or I would probably kill myself now. No offense, but shut up and leave BPD people alone. You treat us as though we put a gun to our heads. We DIDN’T. Leave us alone. We deserve love too. If you don’t believe that, you are a callous, despicable excuse for a human being.

No reply is necessary. I’m sure it would be mean, accusatory, condescending and bleak.

As you can see, Jenny is very melodramatic. Notice the difference between Jenny (lack of treatment) and Maria (years of treatment). The difference is night and day. You tell me if treatment works.

First, let me apologize to the Violent Vegetarian for the burger I will eat after I post this. It does not mean I am callous or despicable. I’m just hungry and burgers are really tasty. Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let us address the accusation that I am killing borderlines with my articles.

Let’s get this straight, I write articles to spread the truth about this horrible disorder. I don’t write them to trigger suicidal tendencies. BPs, who threaten to commit suicide, do so because they are emotionally unstable and seek attention/sympathy. Normal/healthy people don’t read articles and then go slit their wrists. If that is your tendency, then you might want to hospitalize yourself. You are a danger to yourself.

Do not expect people to tread carefully around your delicate sensibilities. Do not expect them to avoid speaking the truth about this horrible disorder for fear that millions of BPs will jump off the closest bridge. Telling the truth is not the problem. It’s the solution.

What Jenny has demonstrated is how far BPs will go to hide the truth (pain) and shift the blame onto you. They will accuse you of lies. They will accuse you of being condescending. They will accuse you of being accusatory. They will even accuse you of being bleak as they threaten to kill themselves. Are you noticing a pattern of projection here?

Maybe the reason why treatment hasn’t worked for Jenny is not because her doctors are difficult. Maybe it’s because Jenny is difficult. No, that couldn’t possibly be the reason.

You can not win with the likes of Jenny. In fact, you will most likely lose. She is always the victim, never the abuser. You are the big meanie and she is pure as the driven snow.

Jenny has every right to refuse treatment and stay in the active throes of BPD. Just like you have the right to NOT love a woman that treats you badly. That does not make you a callous human being. That makes you a self-respecting human being- one who cares about his/her own well-being.

It’s easy for an angry vegetarian to love animals because animals won’t abandon you. There’s no threat. That is why she is able to feel their pain. Things change dramatically once the threat of abandonment introduces itself. I have no doubt that Jenny feels excruciating pain when she hurts someone. But what you may not know is that she has a safety measure to minimize that pain. That safety measure includes detachment and devaluation/demonization.

Borderlines hit and run. When they realize they have hurt you, it hurts too much to accept blame. So instead, they cut and run. By labeling you cold and callous, she now has justification for hurting you. See how that works? Can a borderline love? I believe the real question is- What is the extent of a borderline’s love?

A borderline like Jenny will dip her toes in the pool of intimacy because she wants to fool herself into believing she is capable of doing so. But she will stay in the shallow end while you drown in the deep end. As you are struggling to stay afloat, she has already jumped out and dried herself off. She has already found another kiddie pool to jump into, a pool that is more shallow and less threatening.

Co-dependency should never be confused with love. But melodramatic borderlines like Jenny do it all the time. When you are the product of arrested development, you have a very immature concept of love. Your sense of entitlement is much stronger than your love.

So… Can Jenny love? Perhaps. Does she deserve to be loved? Debatable. More importantly, is she mature enough to give you the love you deserve? Well, I’ll let you be the judge of that. But if the likes of Jenny were capable of love, don’t you think she would be more concerned about your well-being?

42 Responses to “The Violent Vegetarian”

  1. I won't feel sorry for them....EVER. said

    I commend your bravery. When the truth is spoken about BPD you’ll always have someone with BPD whining and complaining about how they’re all not bad. Well honey…someone’s giving Non’s the shit treatment!!!!

    I honestly can’t feel sorry for them. They don’t want to be accountable; just spoiled little tantrum brats that want to have their way at your expense. They aren’t interested in healing; their interested in playing victim and accumulating suckers along the way.

    The bottom line is they don’t respect the humanity in others unless you make them and usually that requires that you dump them on their soft asses so they can learn that there are consequences to treating people like objects. When you’re the dumper you’ll stand out in their minds as the one who didn’t take their entitlement bottomless pit of need crap.

    • Sinn said

      Very true. When they’re honeymooning you; although there’s still crazymaking due to the intense insecurity they feel, it’s wine and roses. When you’ve been split, it’s like they can believe the most horrific things about you and go through everything you’ve ever said to them to reinforce those notions. It’s pretty vile that people who do everything to keep you near can turn on you so completely. Thanks SD for providing a forum for both analysis, and contributions/clarification/information for both BPDers and Nons. I don’t hate the people AT ALL, even though they’re capable of every deep emotional hurt, just the illness.

    • Amen to whom ever wrote this post! See a big part of my problem was, I was waiting for a happy ending! I even told myself that all she’ll get this right, she didn’t then and she still hasn’t. I think what shocked most about the Jenny post is actually SavoryDish, how she just demanded that you shut up and leave people with borderline personality disorder alone., This is totally how Jen used to talk like a spoiled child Just leave me alone. Wow! Did you read what I did SavoryDish,she just demanded that you do what she say right now. LOL!

      • savorydish said

        That’s funny you say that. “Leave me alone!” is exactly what my ex said to me when she finally realized how deeply troubled she was. Prior to that, she couldn’t get enough of me. She begged me to stick with her. She cried and physically held onto me as I tried to walk out the door. She promised to seek therapy. But once a BP makes the realization that they are beyond help, they scream “leave me alone!”

  2. toughmat said

    Great points and I can relate to all of it minus actually being a vegetarian and suicide being a recurring theme. I told her about thailand and it went how I thought it would. She tried to be calm but the ‘you do you’ and ‘we are just different people’ and ‘i am always an after thought’ were there and its hard not to feel bad. She is now telling me she wants me to go and I is a good learning for both of us. Pretty impressed there but why does this sort of thing have to be such an issue? I think financially thailand is not smart for me and I am pulled by her so I am considering a shorter trip with her now. She doesn’t know it yet. I realize it will always be like this-my moves in life calculated into a he doesn’t love me enough and should be punished. I would love to hear I guess what a healthy woman would be like and what a healthy guy would do in my shoes? As SD has alluded if I am healthy I will no longer want this drama in my life on any level

    • Sinn said

      The problem is you were expressing your independence in a natural one-sided CoD relationship. Of course she’s going to make a big deal out of it b/c there’s no way to control what you’re going to do there, and you may find someone new or change your philosophy. They really don’t want you to grow until they’re either off you or they’ve facilitated/gave the ok for the growth. Unfortunately, the stagnation starts the first process in devaluation, so as long as you’re going to cheat or leave her, you should ALWAYS “DO YOU”. It will make the r/s last longer as you’ll have more things to talk about and you’re happy enough to ignore the crazymaking. Just don’t take it personally, this is how my r/s went too. This is how they (or some for those overly sensitive to the truth) are full stop.

      • Sinn said

        Sorry, as long as you’re NOT going to cheat or leave her. The only way to make a BPDer r/s last w/o therapy (and you should ALWAYS subtly guide them towards that), is by you being moderately independent. Just be intuitive and spontaneous, b/c they will crazymake if it gets slow or stagnant anyway, so you have to try your best to avoid those ruts by accepting that you’re going to argue initially about any decision you make about your life not involving her (and a lot of the time involving her) but afterwards, it will work out great. No one said it would be easy, but it’s not impossible. Good luck again.

  3. toughmat said

    Thanks for commenting. You mean I am the co dependent? Man she is acting so cold right now to me. She is letting me know she is not happy. She may leave me, I don’t know. Part of me is so mad that she takes things like this and changes her behavior. The co dependent side of me feels horrible and doesn’t want to be selfish and hurt her. I also don’t feel ready to lose her. I am starting to realize this relationship will probably end again because I will grow tired of not being supported unconditionally. I am just not ready to deal with the pain or I am waiting like I have said until it becomes obvious she will always be like this. So far she has not changed. She is not happy for me and Sinn you nailed it. People on this forum get it. I think I get it now. This is a b p d relationship. I am the non and that means I am also a fireman. Putting out fires or I get burnt.

    • Sinn said

      She’s actually the CoD, which b/c of the nature of the r/s, makes you the mirror of her CoD. BDPers need constant attention, good or bad, to make them feel….human. You are just facilitating that role to the best of your ability and riding the waves of it. Since it has been proven easy to split you and move on to come back to you, it is now VERY easy for her to play the “break up” card constantly to modify your behavior. At least your BDPer didn’t turn into a total whore like mine did afterwards.

      As an extension to earlier blog, this is the main problem with people pleasers. They burn themselves out and it takes a tremendous toll on the relationship as you eventually have to criticize their methods. As “do not ever threaten to leave a BDPer if you’re not meaning to” is the Gremlins “Do Not Feed Them After Midnight” rule, “Never Criticize a Borderline” should be the “Do Not Get Them Wet” rule. Again, they feel intense betrayal as they try and try so hard to make everyone happy, with you at the expense, then since you are in a CoD relationship, your “help” (considered to you as you see the strain burning the candle at both ends is causing both you and her) is incredibly deflating to them.

      My ex has friended and forgiven on FB EVERYONE that used her the year we broke up. Those that deleted her first over the most petty of things, bosses, everything…but never will forgive the one that was there THE WHOLE TIME with her, b/c a delusion about who I am was made up. The first one to congratulate her new r/s fling was a boss that slavedrove her and underpaid the hell out of her..making her work tremendous overtime for a couple quid. You’ll always get the short end with a BDPer, while giving the most to avoid it. They work on FEELINGS, not the real world, definitely not logic.

      • Sinn said

        The way to criticize a BPDer (have limited time now, so forgive me), is to try to always apply a real world scenario or your own experience to map a change that is to be made, instead of a direct admonishment of a characteristic/action/trait. They’re just to extremely sensitive and people pleasing to do otherwise, and you can really deflate them w/seemingly constructive criticism. They don’t forget, believe me, even if they still honeymooning afterwards. Sorry for the space, very insane period for me right now as I was supposed to be in Wales, lost my passport on the way to the British consulate to get my student visa and am now stuck in NYC. Hopefully gone by end of month to return next year…it just made me think of my BDPer, and I’m really going to try to rebuild this bridge next year w/everything I have.

  4. toughmat said

    She is telling me she is done with me…done being last…done being second. That I am not in love with her. When I explained it doesnt mean I dont love her and that healthy relationship should support the partner’s fun times apart as well as together she just said- “enjoy your great life”. I am probably going to do whatever it takes to keep her around for now but I realize its bullshit. At least now I am sort of aware of what is going on. Still not ready to cut the chord.

    • savorydish said

      Mat,

      You are putting yourself through the ringer. You will never be able to make her happy. She will always have you jump through hoops. So what are you getting out of this relationship?

      SD

  5. toughmat said

    I know man, I know. She is amazing when I am not in the dog house. I am not ready to let go of that yet. She is sick, and due to my stuff with my mom I still feel like I should be by her side and show her a great time. I am still avoiding pain. It stings to think of another guy being with her and her being sexually satisfied by another guy and that is my ego talking. It is just like eating….oh just one more pizza night and then ill start my healthy diet tomorrow. Pizza tastes great but long term it is not healthy and it makes you feel like shit. Part of me also just feels like she may have a point behind everything. But i think I just go with that as an excuse to stay with her craziness. I mean I can see her point about putting my friends first, again. But she takes it too far.

  6. Tough mat said

    I am aware of this now. Awareness Is not enough yet. The same tests come up and I get suckered every time because I am so vulnerable and live short term to delay pain. I don’t know what it’s going to take. It scares me I don’t have power and knowingly give it to her.

    • Tough mat said

      Power over myself

    • savorydish said

      Awareness is never enough. You need to break the bond she has over you. That means you have to quit cold turkey. Go on that trip with your friends. If she breaks up with you, consider it a favor. Pour yourself into work, school, hobbies… and anything that will occupy your thoughts. Stop trying to figure her out. You know what is wrong with her. You just need to commit yourself to change. There are so many women out there. Why are you stuck on a woman who can never love you like you want her to love you?

      • Sinn said

        And then imagine her with someone else. I say if you’re not going to go to Thailand, and go to Costa Rica instead, you have to try to get the two of you into some kind of couple’s therapy if you want to make it work. If you’re so much in love with her now, and that’s really love, her with someone else so soon after all this will destroy you. She may be already testing the waters and you should inquire about this ASAP to see where all of this boundary busting is really coming from. It is Christmas, and people get very emotional around these times…it could lead to a bad road. GOOD LUCK!!!

  7. toughmat said

    What you say makes sense. It does. But it makes me feel bad because i am not ready to let go. She has already essentially broken up in a very calm way by saying I am too scared to commit and she knows it will end so she may as well take the pain now. She has gotten much better at not raging and being calm, but she still perceives me as not loving her enough. A few women I asked said they would be hurt too if I wanted to go with my friends and not them to thailand which only serves to confuse me…they do say it is not enough to break up over though. The thing is my ex is right…I am scared to commit. More so than I even show…but then she just cant be loved enough. It is the never ending game that I love to play. I know what to do to fix it and i probably will adding to my shame and prolonging pain and suffering. I am worried I will regret it. I am not ready to say goodbye. I am a coward. My therapist says he understands why i am so attached based on stories about my mom but I am tired of him justifying my actions. I am a coward.

    • savorydish said

      Mat

      You’re beating yourself up and that is making you more co-dependent. You can’t leave because part of you believes you don’t deserve any better. You need to work on yourself before you jump into any relationship.

      • savorydish said

        Months ago that girl accused you of stalking her and now you’re in “love”? Has it occurred to you that she is emotionally unstable? Do you realize how dangerous this is?

  8. toughmat said

    I meant i am worried i will regret leaving her. That i gave up. I have said all this shit before. Im very low on myself.

  9. toughmat said

    I don’t think I realize it because she is good at coming across so together at times as if she is on a path of healing. I believe she is in some ways as she has gotten better at not spewing out harmful text messages and speaking with more calm and understanding. I told her yesterday she is just pushing me away because she feels like I am gearing up to abandon her. I told her she takes everything I do personally. I know its not going to change her, but in the past I would never call her out I would just conform. My psych tells me I have to be more authentic and that is why I brought up Thailand. It is coming down to me only being able to be authentic to the point that I dont lose her again though. It is frustrating I dont break free. This is a big decision in the next two days about where I head with her. I can go to thailand even though it is financially irresponsible and possibly let her go or have her leave. I can go to Costa Rica iwth her and get my dental work re done for free which is financially more responsible but I will stay stuck with her. I think I am just going to prolong this and put the bandaid on it. There is almost nothing anyone can tell me to get me to do otherwise. Not because I dont believe you, but because I hold on to hope because I am too attached.

    • savorydish said

      I’m sure she is very good at putting on an image of well-being, but that is an illusion. Traumatized women like her have this ability in spades. It’s a survival skill.

      It’s the ole bait and switch. DO NOT fall for it.

      You are drinking sand, my friend. SNAP OUT OF IT. You are preventing both of you from properly healing. Both of you are broken. Two broken people do not make a whole.

      You are using her to fill a void inside of you. Fill that void with something else and it will be easier to say no. Go to Thailand with your friends. Meet new women. Do whatever it takes to break this addiction.

  10. toughmat said

    still deciding fellas. I am stressed as fuck. She is texting me that I dont put effort in to fix things when she is hurt. I am telling her that love is not about control and jealousy and lack of trust. I told her love is about accepting and understanding. She responded “and giving”. If she never changes then it is not worth it, it is impossible. So far, no good. I hold on for the good, to fill the void, and the hope she changes. I am probably going to take her to costa rica so I have short term fun, and long term I will know i gave my very all. It still wont be enough and when we return a week later I will be “selfish” and not loving enough. But of course going with her will strengthen the attachment. Codependents need detachment. I am sabotaging myself long term for short term pleasure almost knowingly.

    Couples therapy would be the final straw and that may have to happen upon a return. She is so stubborn I doubt it works. She see things in black and white. Thanks guys. I wish I was capable of just doing what you say at this point. I just know Im not.

    • Sinn said

      No need to apologize, but don’t think her sleeping with another person bothering you is ego, it’s biological. We are supposed to care, no matter how wussified the media has tried to make us. When you stop caring, you need to give her up. I’m just telling you and SD (although his advice is brilliant as well), that even as our brains know what should be done, our hearts are attached to making this work. Unfortunately, BDPers pull you in by trying so hard w/what they go through and their insecurities, and JUST QUIT, and mine had done so at the worst possible time for me w/o any empathy about how we got there and what was going on. 2 year very very intense r/s, w/a year engaged and she hotswapped me for a new guy, posted on FB in the same month.

      This is the nightmare scenario, seeing as they can just don’t care anymore, or do care, but can so easily fill themselves with so many distractions regardless of how the other feels. The r/s wasn’t bad at all, and we needed a cooldown, period. To get back to Mat, it is important that progress be made, and you start setting up YOUR expectations of the way your r/s has to go NOW, before you are split, even if it causes the split. You going the Costa Rica was your give, her actually applying herself in therapy should be her’s. You can’t keep going circular with her, and she can’t force expectations on you that’s boundary busting, and also give you the space so you can continue to make her happy with what you learn and do in your independence. THIS HAS TO HAPPEN. And you have to be able to let her walk in order to do it. If you don’t chase, she’ll be less likely to grab another dude and look w/in herself as these are not unreasonable expectations…and I think it can work if you stand firm and she applies herself to it.

      BDPers are not monsters or borne bitches if female, but insanely insecure and born martyrs.

      • Sinn said

        Lastly, sorry SD again for turning this into BPDer non-pity parties. We don’t know what we’re getting into until it’s too late, and the separation is very difficult as things get out of control way to quickly and we can’t simply just flip a switch and turn our hearts/souls off, even if it’s the right thing to do. You love the person outside of the disorder, and although I can get nearly any woman I wanted, it’s hard when you’ve shared so much with this person, and had such a beautiful r/s outside of the little rages, to see past the fog.

        The fog is toxic, dirty, and who knows what’s at the end of it or if you can make it through. It is still the NON’s choice to keep in it, as all we have to do is lower our heads, hold our breaths and get the hell away. My sympathies for both the people with this disorder and the NON’s, and may we all find what we need. On a lighter note, the blog should be renamed “How Strong Men Fall For Damaged, Weak Women (and vice versa), and Become Weaker Than the BPDer in the Aftermath”.

      • savorydish said

        No need for apologies, Sinn. This is an open forum.

  11. Sammy C said

    @ Savory Dish , This Jenny , WOW I read what she wrote and more importantly how she wrote it…I got to tell you it sounds totally like my BPD/NPD ex Guess What Her Name is Jen. , I think she called herself Jenny here cause , She Knows no one would think its her …Why , cause She Totally hates to be called Jenny. One of the first things she told me one day that I called her Jenny , to look up the” Definition of A Jenny” , She hates it , but in a context like this one she would use that name , See she is the master of masking lies with a touch of the truth, doing so makes her feel like total shit , but under the circumstances she would do it. The statement that Jenny wrote totally came from a High Functioning Borderline , Very well thought out …SavoryDish Say hello to my Borderline Ex. I can feel it , LOL! Jen you should be shamed of your self …., GO GET HELP…Stop helping men in and out of the Sack , its not going to make BPD/NPD go away.. See here there are a lot of Wise Men….Remember the What Wise Men Plate… You had to trick me instead of just being cool , WOW! And you trick everyone . Shame on you!!!

  12. Sammy C said

    And @ SavoryDish , I hope you leave this up , cause I swear its her. Sounds like her…LOL!!!! And to Jennifer I hope just cause I write things like this, you don’t still think I am under your spell , You couldn’t be more wrong..To set the record straight , What my fool problem was outside of the hurt and pain I felt was It took me a year to admit to myself that you were actually crazy, I made excuses for you for a long time , cause I wanted to believe you were a cool person I WAS WRONG, you are not even a person . You are just something more like a beast, I feel so sorry for you. But I know a whole lot about you honey. LIke going way back to “BT”…..You will know what that stands for. That wasn’t your fault but what you and your little bullshit friends LIke LF.., you know who she is , Do to others is just down right shameful. I pity you may god have mercy on your rotting soul. But I will continue to speak out , No matter what you bullshit so called friends might say, People in this area should know with whom and with what they are getting themselves involved with.

  13. toughmat said

    Man guys I just saw her. She started telling me how she can’t trust me because of how I lied to her that my friends don’t hate her when they did. I would try to tell her its not that they hate her and she kept accusing me of defending them. I just wanted to pt out it is not hate, it is just not support of our relationship. Then I brought up some stuff about one of our breakups to keep it real and she left crying. This sparked my fear of abandonment and I went outside to her car where she was waiting. Oh the drama. Then she started telling me how I take no responsibility and that she is losing hope that I can truly love her. That she wishes I loved her even as much as my best friend. Or my brother. I felt so much shame because I fell for her reasons and asked her on the trip. She said she would love to but we would come back and I would still be the same guy incapable of love. I can’t blame her for feeling my lack of burning love, but she fails to see why I have a guard up. She told me her well of love is dryi

  14. toughmat said

    ng up. That she is close to just walking away, that maybe I dont know how to love. Then she turned it into what i am going to do as if it was my decision. Very confusing. So all day after I left and we kissed she has been texting me basically waiting for my decision. Thailand leaves soon. Prob not going. DAmnit i hate this stress.

    • Sinn said

      You should just stop listening to her negative rages. She’s simply a high functioning manipulative BPDer instead of a psycho one. You’ve pretty much made the decision to not go on the trip, you’re just being punished for being “independent” in the first place, although you did run it by her first. You need to just hit ignore for a while, Christmas is coming so she won’t be gone long, and take some time to think outside of this rage. It’s not going to go anywhere but a breakup at this point. She is waiting for you to apologize for being a man, and you simply can’t give your balls away if you want any control of this car later. You both get to drive the thing, but you have to both know where you want it to go and if you have enough petro to get there.

  15. toughmat said

    Thanks for your support. I told her that I want to go on a trip with her. I caved in. I told her now on though when she says something I am going to take it literally and that she cant expect me to be a mind reader. But still i have tremendous shame. I will forever wish I went on the thailand trip but I dont allow regret into my life that much because otherwise I would be a wreck after some of my decisions. I just try to learn from them, but this one is the Mother Ship of all learning experiences. My therapist and I said that I should probably go to Thailand but I said I just cant do it. We agreed to give her a 6 week time frame. If things are not getting better or improving then I may have to leave. I dont know if I will be strong enough, but I am getting clearer and clearer on certain things and I am confident at a certain point I wont need to fix, to save, or anything else. Right now I am still addicted and weak. It is kind of weird going back to someone when the goal is to leave. I still love her, but I know its trouble. I feel like a fraud to myself. I am confident I will not give up on myself, my loved ones, and staying true. I will do my best to do that from the get go….and then it may not even make it to 6 weeks.

    • Sinn said

      Anytime. I didn’t have it nearly as bad as you do, until the end, so any advice, help, support I can offer; I will give you in spades. And don’t take ANY offense to any “balls” statements I make. I don’t direct them at you at all. This is simply what the CoD part of a BPD relationship turns a Non into by boundary breaking and sympathy by the non conforming to the relationship. This would work beautifully in a normal r/s, as you are melding with the needs of your partner, and they learn to trust you as you become one. With a Borderline, it works the opposite way, as you found w/the BPDer who called the men who were warm with her “weak” while the NPDers she considered “strong”.

      A BPDer will make you sensitive then ditch you for an asshole, so the most important thing is to keep your balls in the r/s. That doesn’t mean be an asshole, or unable to compromise…it just means be careful about what independence/self you are willing to lose for someone who probably won’t appreciate it in the end, and most likely either verbally or through actions, throw it back in your face–the Ultimate Betrayal. You’ll be like…”that new guy used to be ME!!”. Good luck!

  16. Sammy C said

    Happy New Year To every here who has had their hearts stuffed in a trash compactor by some no good slimy BPD /NPD/ HPD , Cluster B Person , You are a good person and you are worth , your weight in Gold , I hope 2013 Brings Freedom from Torn apart hearts and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder , brought on by these Scumbags who secretly know they have totally no business in a relationship , but choses to seek out victim after victim , To the victims Gods speed in your search for true love and Companionship , And to the Disordered Gods Speed to you as well as you make your way to the Mayo Clinic , or what ever mental hospital that will accept you. Love to all, @ SavoryDish hows that relationship working out sir ? I hope all is well with you Thanks for helping those who had no answers !!!! HAPPY 2013!!!!!

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