Batshit Crazy

September 19, 2012

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60 Responses to “Batshit Crazy”

  1. Sammy C said

    Amen to whom ever posted this here …LOL, And I do mean totally damn Batshit crazy…..LOL!!!!!

  2. Sammy C said

    Yeah , Made me laugh as well @Savory Dish , As does most things now about that fucked up person as I now understand just how twisted she really is. What do people stand to gain from being involved knowingly with a fucked up person like this . See she fooled me , but there are those that will say she is fine great even.., As man after man , after man runs through her.., or is it the other way around….LOL I don’t know.

    • savorydish said

      What we have learned firsthand is that BPs are very good at fooling most of the people most of the time. But you are right- there are some people who are more likely to tolerate this kind of behavior. Those people usually have a family history of mental illness, alcoholism, abuse or PDs. Ultimately, my relationships ended because even I could only tolerate so much.

  3. Sammy C said

    Oh @SavoryDish , When I a little boy my grandmother taught me the value of forgiveness , and that has carried me along way in life ….But I swear this person has tested my very core of believing in forgiveness , cause see she was my bully , Wow I still can’t believe that piece of shit thought she could bully me…Lucky for her and me that I didn’t realize what was going down.

  4. Sammy C said

    I am going to keep it short here , the post is very funny and very very true …In short They make it hard to forgive them , they are soooo twisted. , As Bob Marley once sang , As a Man sow also shall he reap …..I’ll add these people shall reap what they sow, but I am sure they will find a way to blame it on someone else , See its always someone or something else’s fault…LOL

  5. Sammy C said

    @ SavoryDish , See It goes back to the old saying People really do take kindness for a weakness huh…Well I think BPD / NPD do.

    • savorydish said

      It’s sad but true. Many BPs do see kindness as a weakness… in themselves. When they meet someone kind, they try their best to lower their defenses. But with vulnerability comes tremendous fear. That is why the borderline runs for cover.

      • savorydish said

        Jokes aside, being batshit crazy is not an excuse. Every asshole is a little fucked up in the head. That’s why they do fucked up things to people who love them. Time to make batshit crazy assholes accountable for their behavior.

      • Mark said

        Do most BP’s use the silent treatment? The one I was involved with was expert at it. It just drove me crazy and usually I would just give in because I missed her so much. When I finally got so angry about her continually resorting to the silent treatment, distancing and rule making I got angry and really told her what I thought. That was when she cut me out and said she would no longer accept such abuse. I felt so badly that I began to believe she was right. How could I be so mean, I thought.
        I now realize she is a cruel person but I still, amazingly, miss her. How screwed up must I be?

      • savorydish said

        You’re not screwed up. You’re human. Perhaps more vulnerable than the general population. But that is exactly why your ex chose you. She knew you would be vulnerable to her passive-aggressive tactics. And when you told her that wouldn’t work anymore, she knew she had lost control.

      • Flopsy said

        Of course nothing is ever their fault they are brilliant at projection. I would never want to trade places with them, I would rather deal with the loss and pain I have now because it is getting better. They are doomed in their cyclical world of angst, turmoil and dysfunction. Pathetic evil doers!

  6. Flopsy said

    Lol! Yeah our pain will subside but for most BPD’s until they age and run out of steam they will be like that for a long time.

  7. Sammy C said

    Here is a a little message for all BPD /NPD /HPD. WHILE YOU ARE FUCKING PEOPLE OVER …YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN’T HIDE FROM YOUR SELF. 🙂

  8. toughmat said

    I didn’t trust SD that I was split black but I am. Its the worst feeling in the world. Two years I cared for her and was by her side. I was not perfect by any means, and a few face book messages disclosing that I ‘lust’ after other women and was ambiguous about aspects of our relationship, and now our whole existence was a lie and I am full of shit. I wrecked her life, ruined her. The polarity is mind boggling. My weak boundaries and always reacting to her questions and time constraints led to the worst being disclosed. A friend of mine who has called her behavior to the t from day one still thinks I could get her back. Maybe he doesn’t understand borderlines splits but even if I did decide I wanted to try again with her I wouldst know where to start.

  9. Flopsy said

    Tough mat…SD has great insight into why you shouldn’t go back to a BPD. Check the blog out more.

  10. toughmat said

    I didn’t trust SD when he said I was split black but he was right. My best friend who studies psy has predicted all of the aspects of her thus far and says if I really tried I could still get her back. I am curious if he is right. Either way its the worst feeling in the world to have given everything to someone and then I am the psycho and betrayer and I ruined her life. All because of some messages she read expressing ‘lust’ for other women and ambiguity. My boundaries were too weak. I was so reactionary.

    • Flopsy said

      It does suck… But she did you a favour …the pain will ease away… Trust me…SD helped so much… Being in a “relationship” with this species is exhausting…. Everything is a mirage. Actors… Great at first…I miss the excitement but honestly I have to confront what makes me vulnerable to filling a void with a waste of space.

  11. toughmat said

    sorry I didnt mean to post the same type of message twice. I didnt see it the first time and thought it didnt go thru. Thanks Flopsy. Yes, SD has been a big help but I am still playing mind games with myself and not allowing reality to set it. Perhaps it was because my ex is not a full fledged bpd and a great person. Perhaps because I cant tolerate the pain and I am holding on the the “rebirth” of us. I am sure I will learn more as time goes on. Definitely looking into the void she filled and why I tolerated so much push/pull and not what I would think would be typical relationship behavior.

    • Flopsy said

      Relationships shouldn’t rewind especially with a borderline. They are seductive but SD is right when says they are an addiction. There isn’t anything healthy about co-dependency. Recovering from that relationship is painful, you deserve a partner who truly loves you, not somebody who fakes it.

    • savorydish said

      Matt,
      Even if she isn’t BP. She has clearly suffered the trauma that comes from childhood sexual abuse. It is important that you realize how profoundly damaged she is. She has huge trust issues and you talking about lusting after other women is only triggering those feelings of mistrust. You need to examine your own self-destructive tendencies. Even if you could get her back, you would only cause her more harm. She has every right to protect herself from you.

  12. toughmat said

    SD

    I appreciate that. I didint realize who I was dealing with otherwise I would have never been honest that I (like most normal men I believe) have thoughts, known as fantasies, about other women. She backed me into a corner and I thought honesty was the best policy. Apparently not always true if you want to live in peace with someone you love. I say that half jokingly.

    Are you saying that my lusting is self destructive, or are you taking what i am saying as if I would rub that information into her face? Trust me, I did no such thing. I minimized looking and other behaviors around other women as best I could outside of deleting all of the facebook messages that she eventually got into.

    I dont know if she had borderline, but she has certain standards as she calls them. Fun without the significant other is really a good thing, it is a threat. Women that are not fat and ugly are a threat. Those were the causes of all problems. And of course, me being me.

    • savorydish said

      Sorry if I’m not understanding the circumstances leading up to your break up. I believe you had the best of intentions. I know you didn’t mean to harm her. I don’t blame you for “looking” or “lusting” after other women. That happens a lot in dysfunctional relationships. It is a sign that you are not happy.

      But surely you must have known what effect it would have on her. Honesty is a good policy, but you knew she was emotionally troubled. That is what I interpret as self-destructive.

      Ultimately, choosing to be in a relationship like this is self-destructive. Because in the end, it harms both of you. In general, I think you have not been honest with yourself.

      If you get back together, the mistrust will still be there. Don’t kid yourself. Don’t fool yourself into believing you will start from scratch.

  13. toughmat said

    *is not really a good thing

  14. toughmat said

    if my ex is having a very hard time with the breakup, what does that tell you?

  15. toughmat said

    The circumstances were I invited her to a party I wanted to attend in order to meet a guy from out of town regarding an online project. The party was at a woman’s birthday she is insecure about. She said she didn’t want to go and asked for space. I said what kind of space and she said a couple day but she wasn’t sure. I said ‘ok’. Then I got a text an hour later telling me that if I am fine with a couple days it can be forever and to just say the word. I was upset since I tried to invite her and ignored her. Next day we were broken up. I failed her love test and thought it was for the best because I can’t live life walking on eggshells worrying about her pulling the plug. Now I see where I could have comforted her in that moment. My own fears and hers collided. My fear of engulfement and fear of loss. Its still a nightmare. Im trying to see the lessons and grow as a person but I am still obsessed and miss her.

    • savorydish said

      Her “love tests” are designed for you to fail. BPs create no-win scenarios. This is how they destroy relationships. They want you to fail. There was nothing you could do to create a different outcome. Your relationship was doomed the day you met her. Getting back together with her will only replay the no-win scenario. You are only torturing yourself and keeping her from getting better. Unless you can magically go back in time and prevent her from being sexually abused, you will never find happiness with this woman.

  16. toughmat said

    My therapist said today that the stalking I did causes a great fear in her because it reminds her of the traumas. That coupled with the rejection she feels and hence the restraining order threats.

    Its so crazy to look back and see this person who at times had it all together, was self aware, understanding, expressive of her issues. And at other times, lashing out, blaming, etc. I just dont get how trauma causes this polarity.

  17. toughmat said

    I bought another book on bpd yesterday WHINE. When Hope Is Not Enough. Another bpd that cuts, rages out of no where, leaves the house at odd hours….my ex did non of this.

    Its so confusing. She didnt have severe symptoms like this, but she did small punishments if I didnt show her the attention. The other day I saw a woman walking her baby in a stroller with her husband and all of a sudden she said- “Get the fuck away from me Noah” to him. He didnt say much, blew a kiss at the baby ,and left. I wonder if she has bpd? My ex never talked to me in that way in public. The worst were her texts after breakups. usually it was guilt stuff while we were together such as “well at least (friends name) is worth your time. We wont work if you dont put real effort. Its a very sad truth”.
    I was never worried about her mood, or what kind of woman I would come home to. Only if I triggered her or not.

    Still trying to get clear. Im sorry the curtains are not just opening for me guys.

    • Flopsy said

      Matt it takes time for the curtains to open. BPD’s are complex. The mind games they play are usually not tolerated in most relationships. Trauma/abuse/neglect suffered in childhood can alter the neurological development of the brain which in turn affects emotion, cognition etc. We are attracted to them because of our own childhood. SD speaks of this all the time and he is right. When I focused on what was missing in my childhood I realized that I choose the dance with familiar partners. Understanding the triggers has helped me in getting over a BPD but it is a slow painful process. We are here for you.

  18. toughmat said

    Borderline, ptsd, c-ptsd….its all related I guess. Im at the point where i feel like I love her despite her difficulties. Its just not going away. if it was addiction, I would think it would get easier everyday but it is not. The only thing getting easier is the pain. Absence is making my heart grow fonder. its like I view all of the bad times as things I could have corrected easily with a more loving approach. Maybe im playing games with myself. Maybe the good really just outweights the bad.

    • savorydish said

      It is all related to trauma. IOW, she is a broken person. Two broken people do not make a whole. You’re confusing love with addiction. If you truly loved her, you would recognize that she needs help. YOU can not help her. She needs professional help. No matter how you bend reality, your needs do not equal her needs.

  19. Lbvboy33 said

    Ok i have read a ton of stuff on bdp since my ex came into, left and then came back into my life and turned me upside down. i know they aren’t all according to text. however mine acknowledges that she is hurting me. we were recently back in a casual relationship where she after she got me hooked back in with the promise that after she got over her ex that she broke up with me to go back out with. and her words not mine, to see how long it would last this time. she preceeds to tell me after i told her i loved her that she now needed to date a bit to see if i was the one. mind you we dated for 6 months, and as she also said i smothered her, by always bein to nice. i agreed to try it again, but here’s the strange thing, she is fine with telling me she can’t meet me or answering her phone in front of me, but gets upset enough to tell me to go to hell if she thinks someone is calling or texting me. she is the one who is telling me to go out and date. so i asked her if she wanted me to not date. she said no she doesn’t but it wouldn’t be fair. however she still continued to get mad. and it seems like everytime i got her and we had a good time, she would find a way to just mess everything up within 48 hours with she noticed that my phone had a missed call or it may have been on silent when she was around. if she wants me to date then why is this an issue?

    • savorydish said

      I once had a BP tell me she wanted an open relationship. But what she really meant was she wanted to hook up with other men. When she found out I had sex with another woman she flipped out. This is classic BP behavior.

      • Lbvboy33 said

        well i got exactly that savory, except i didn’t have sex with anybody, and i know she has had sex with other guys, as she is doing her thing as she says. but as i said, if my ex wife text or calls me about the kids all hell breaks loose. i know you have heard it before, but if i could just get rid of that one little piece of her mind that has the push pull, abandonment issues. god she’d be perfect, i’d marry this woman! she seems to not be as severe as some i have read about, but some of the basics are there. when we are together we are that couple that other people are disgusted with, we seem to be so into each other. but as soon as we part ways, within a day she starts stuff that makes me go wtf?!?! i told her either its me or her “friends” that she is casually dating. and her response was she wants to continue dating but she wants to remain friends really, really, really bad! matter of fact she asked if we could hangout, without sexual implications. after i told her i don’t hang out with girls i’m not either dating or tryin to date. said she totally respected my reasoning about that, but wanted to anyway. wow, so i told you that i don’t want to be with you if we aren’t in a committed relationship but she asked anyway? until i found out about bdp a couple of months ago, i thought i was going crazy trying to figure her out. i am really trying to continue the no contact this time. i have broken down with this before last month.

  20. toughmat said

    Lvboy, sounds tough man. My ex was ultra comitted. She was cheated on twice and preached loyalty and devotion as the Way. She would hardly do stuff on her own, and always wanted me to come. It was sort of nice, except for when I tried to live the life I had before meeting her. Then I was selfish and putting others and myself first. It wasnt everytime, in fact, sometimes she would tell me to go hang out with them. I appreciated that. I dont know SD. I get what you are saying, but do you wonder if you might be a little harsh based on the facts I have given you without meeting her? Just checking.

    • savorydish said

      Matt,

      I’m not being harsh. I’m giving you the facts. What was the point of showing me her website if you didn’t want my opinion?

      She is deeply troubled. Her website tells me so. She suggested that she was sexually abused at a young age. That indicates profound levels of traumatization. That makes intimacy impossible without long-term treatment. That is a fact. But you are ignoring this fact.

      Even if you do love this girl. She can not love you back. Because of what happened to her, intimacy will always carry bad memories. Until she receives treatment, her relationships are destined to FAIL.

      She chose you because she thought you were a bad boy (self-destructive). When she found out you cared about her, she jumped ship. You are here because you see truth in our stories. But now you are denying that truth.

      Real love is mutual. Not a fantasy in one person’s head. You deserve real love but first you must push aside false notions of love.

      I’m not trying to piss on your parade. I’m trying to put an end to your self-perpetuated misery. But if you insist on staying in denial, perhaps this is not the place for you.

      SD

      • Lbvboy33 said

        also savory, and i hope this doesn’t sound the wrong way, cause i don’t mean it that way. but thank god for this blog cause i thought i was goin out of my mind and thank god i’m not the only one who is goin thru this lol. it makes me feel better to know i’m not the only guy who picked the wrong girl.

      • savorydish said

        You’re definitely not alone. And it does help to know others have been through the same thing. Because that’s when you realize you weren’t the crazy one.

  21. toughmat said

    Lvboy what kind of push/pull stuff did you encounter? I mean the stuff you said about her wanting others but you cant sounds terrible. But what else?

    • Lbvboy33 said

      well tough mat, last time we were together. sunday before labor day we met up and had a great time going to a theme park and watched fireworks and rode rides. remember they say the bdp’s are like dealin with 3 year olds. lol, well i watch her sometimes when we are doing things like this and she looks like a 3 year old girl at disney world! eyes wide open and that crazy grin. now as it was time to go home she invited me over to her place. this is significant because since she called me to re engage in may she tells me i can’t come over and spend the nite because she doesn’t want me to get the wrong idea. however she has let guys she is casually dating spend the nite. and as she says her “friends” don’t question her like i do. so she suggested that i come over and i did but she just wanted to cuddle. ok, good for me i love this girl, i was happy. so i get up labor day and go to work. later she calls me and ask me what i’m doin, i said i didn’t have any plans and she wants to hook up and go to the mall and eat chinese. again i’m happy cause i love spending time with her. now we are walkin and she is reachin for my hand to hold as we walk and stoppin every now and then and initiating a kiss. again somethin couples do right. well 2 months ago she tells me with a smile on her face that we need to stop doin stuff like that as it is sending me the wrong idea again! again none of her other friends have problems with this? now gettin back to labor day, we come back to my place and we decide that we are gonna cook us a dinner and we do. and i can tell you it was like in the movies we have wine, listen to music, a little kissin and gropin. i was in heaven. then as she put the last item into the oven she goes well we got 30 minutes and smiles at me and leads me to my bed. pushes me down on the bed and tells me baby i want you to make love to me. usually we have sex lol, but i read where bdp girls don’t want you to make love to them and be slow and tender so the last 3 times i did it slower and kissed her more and she fought it at first, but this last time she asked for it!!!!! ok, right before she got in bed she says hey you have a missed call, see who it is. honestly i also had an alarm goin off on the phone for a reminder about a game, so i didn’t see it. she laughed about and said never mind. or so i thought. well we made love and had dinner and the best nite ever i thought and i think she is comin back around. cause once again she tells me i’m at the top of the list, and all her “friends” are only after sex right, i’m the only guy she has that treats her good! well bright and early tuesday mornin first text i get is how she is pissed cause like every other guy she knows i’m hidin stuff from her. mind you before we left sunday and monday this woman told me that i should date and find someone who will treat me as nice as i treat her. lol, so my question is, if you tell me to date other women while you are dating, or as she calls it doin her thing, then should it have mattered if it was a missed call. she has done this twice before!!! last time i talked to her was saturday 9/22/12 when i called her vindictive, manipulative and disrespectful. her response was i was low self esteem and needed to see a shrink cause i was mad she didn’t feel the same way about me as i did her. then later she asked me if i really believed what i said about her. lol, i said well here is one example of why i said what i did and i think it covers everything. one nite she asked if i wanted to come over and i told her i had to go to my daughters school for parents nite. her response was oh well nevermind, i just call one of my other friends who can come over lol. i presented this to her and asked how she would feel if i said that to her. her response cause she remembered it, was she would feel terrible. but you know what, instead of apologizing to me for it. she dug around til she could find somethin i said to compare it too lol. in the year i have known this woman, even when she apologizes she never actually says why. its always i’m sorry for everything and that’s it. so i’m not dealing with her anymore. i can’t take it man. longwinded i know but i gotta get it out lol

  22. toughmat said

    SD- I understand and I do appreciate all of your insight and support. I am struggling in a multitude of ways. Part of me wants the best for her, but part of me wants to say told you so and that she finally sees her contribution. I am learning mine- fear of commitment being a strong player. I think I am allowing the awareness of my issues to say to myself that I could have prevented the problems. Instead I created mountains out of mole hills by not running back to her after being pushed away for triggering her. Anyone have any tips to remove or reduce jealousy?

    • savorydish said

      You are beating yourself up again, by thinking about how you could of handled the situation better. You are failing to recognize that being involved with an untreated trauma survivor is a no-win scenario. All roads lead to fail. You can’t save her. But you can save yourself.

  23. Sammy C said

    Well , Hear ye , Hear ye….Its that time a year again here in our fair city of Chicago IL, Guess what @SavoryDish , They are having the annual Slut Shaming walk At the Thompson Center in the Heart of the Loop tomorrow , I think I am going to try in check it out ..I need to see what real BPD, NPD, HPD looks like up close and personal…LOL

    • Flopsy said

      Guys there are women who are victims of male BPD’s lol! Men and women share the same symptoms. The BPD I knew was a male waif, he behaved like a fractious 3 year old. They play mind games and shred your heart regardless of gender. The victim stance is soooo nauseating.

      • savorydish said

        True. But a female waif is often protected by society and therefore empowered to continue their torment of other human beings (male and female). When we hear that a woman has been abused her whole life, we make excuses for her abusive behavior. We forget that those who were abused go on to abuse others. Their are whole organizations devoted to protecting and empowering female waifs.

      • Flopsy said

        Of course society makes excuses for abusive behavior of female childhood victims of abuse. Because women supposedly internalize the abuse etc. male victims externalise etc! Both sexes in BPD wreak havoc for the same reasons both are pricks! To counter “waxing” positive and the associative feelings of longing I think of his favorite expression ” not a fuck was given.” I snap out of it fast(;

      • savorydish said

        I certainly don’t mean to diminish the abusive behavior of male BPDs. As you said, they’re both pricks. At one time, they were probably both abused/negected as children. That is how most BPs are born. That is why parents of BPs cover their tracks.

        In general, females do internalize their pain but they are just as capable of externalizing that pain. Infidelity, smearing, passive-aggressive manipulation- these are examples of silent abuse that goes unseen and unpunished by society.

      • lbvboy33 said

        thanks for the reply savory, i know you are right. and man its just funny. my ex wife who i suspect is kinda bdp too i was able to walk away no problems. i have only known this lady for a year and you are right i just can’t get her out of my head. funny i used to tell her she was like a drug to me and that’s how it’s described in some articles about the affects these women have on us lol. the crazy thing about it is i understand technically how it works but it just seems like they should be able to understand you know. i always say to my friends if only i could cut that one little piece of her mind out with the bdp lol. the push and pull and runnin part. the more i think about the past year, it seems like every time we had a really good time since she came back, within 48 hours she invented a reason to argue or push me away! and now last year makes sense. she would alway say she was afraid to get to close but she wanted to and she was confused. i thought she was being a drama queen but she was bein herself i guess. and now i figure she is juggling all these guys so she don’t get close to anyone. even after she told me she could hurt any of them but she didn’t want to hurt me. she will say somethin to make me pissed then try to be friends then try to get me in bed??????

  24. Sammy C said

    I wish you could see the article that this one Tribune contributor wrote, defending these ass holes…..LOL, I will write one little quick quote…And I Quote “We are so over letting people exchange the word “SLUT” for a human being with lady bits. Besides slut -shaming is so 2011″, end Quote .

  25. toughmat said

    Lvboy thanks for sharing. IT sounds like the push/pull dynamics we both experienced are very different. Sorry, but yours being much worse. Mine would just make it hard to hang out the day after I upset her. Or storm off the 3 breakups. But she was always sexually and emotionally committed, as far as I know. She was available to me 24-7 so I dont think there was any funny business going on. SD, good point about me showing you the site and all that. When I hear your story about your ex cheating and cutting I allow it to discount mine having the same issues. Like my girl was just ptsd, not borderline and there is greater hope.

    • savorydish said

      You’re still giving yourself permission to obsess about a relationship that will not bring you happiness aka denial.

      • Lbvboy33 said

        savory, question? you got way more experience with this. so let me ask you about my bdp girl. then thing about her is she acknowledges that she is hurting me and has abandonment issues. we even discussed goin to a therapist. it almost seems as if she is peeking thru the door of realizing something is wrong as she says she knows she has issues. she has admitted that the other “friends” only want sex from her, but as you know she likes the attention. and thats somethin i don’t get either about this condition. its like i can and will give her all the attention and love and whatever it is she wants but then its too much lol. as i said earlier when we are together i feel, anyway, like everything is great and she seems to be very happy. its only when we part ways and she thinks about whatever it is that sets her off and we have a problem. last year when we dated, she would always break up with me on a friday then want to get back together on monday or tuesday. i had functions with my kids fridays. so i started inviting her to the kids functions and it kinda stopped that from happening. also when she describes what she wants in a guy she says it is me. she has said that now, she believes me and trust me but……and thats what gets me cause i ask her what she is lookin for then and she doesn’t know. she is 46, i’d say intelligent. as i said the only problem i see with her and me is the she can’t commit to me. now my question as i have said if she came back to me and met me on the it has to be a monogamous relationship and she has to be willing to try with a counselor do you think i should do it? i will be honest and tell you yeah i’m standing on that line and i want to say if she doesn’t act right i’ll walk away. god i want to so bad, but i still really love this girl. when she called me back 4 months ago, if she had said meet me at the wedding chapel i would have man!!!! and here’s the funny thing, i know a lot of guys get off on the sex with bdp or crazy girls. that’s not the hook for me. i did like it, but it was cause she made me feel special or so i thought, but i’m seeing now she makes every guy feel that way. not saying that the sex isn’t good cause we aren’t together right now, its just that it never was the best thing. i really got off on us just having so much in common and just getting along so well when we are together. i didn’t believe in soul mates before i met her. that’s why i considered being her sexless friend when she asked me several times in the past 2 months, but i figured i’d never get out of the friend zone and declined. but getting back to the question savory, if she does right do you think the relationship is salvageable.

      • savorydish said

        Hey L,

        I want to tell you it will work, but you should already know the pitfalls. BPs will tell you anything to hoover you back into their lives. Before you make a decision, I suggest you remind yourself of all the things BPs do to manipulate others.

        I will remind you that the only reason I stayed with my ex for months instead of weeks was because she admitted to her faults. She had moments where she showed me awareness about her dysfunction and a willingness to seek help. But this was AFTER she had fucked me over.

        Each time I let her back in, she found a way to fuck me over in a way that was more fucked up than the last. The reason why I keep telling my story over and over again is because these are not easy things to accept.

        Right now, you are being driven by the voices of desire. This BP still has power over you. Before you make a decision or try to rationalize one, consider the possibility that YOU are not strong enough to take another blow.

        Treatment for BPD takes a good 7-10 years. Many BPs give up after a few months. Mine gave up after 3 sessions. These 7 years will be a rollercoaster ride of betrayal and disappointments. Are you really up for this?

        I wish you the best. But please consider the downside before you take another plunge. Remember with each exposure to BPD, your own condition becomes worse. Consider your well-being before you make a decision that you will regret. Be a survivor, not a victim. Good luck.

      • Flopsy said

        Great advice SD I hope he listens.

  26. dskennan said

    I ran into the ex-gf tonight at a cultural event. I knew it was bound to happen eventually. It is literally a calendar year since I last ran into her, post-breakup.

    I was out with some girl friends (who also know my ex) and it appeared my ex was out with some grad school classmates. I spotted her and her group from about 50 feet away while they were walking toward me. The ex passed by about 15 feet away while I continued to be animated with my friends. She had her head completely turned away and down as they walked to the back of the line.

    My girl friends and I didn’t see the ex the rest of the night. Not prior to the performance. Not during the intermission. Not as everyone filed out. She must have bolted straight away… or hid at the back of the room the whole night and exited post haste. There were only about 350 people in a room the size of an elementary school gymnasium, so there weren’t any places to hide.

    I didn’t feel nervous. I didn’t feel anxious. I didn’t shrink into a corner. I’m pretty happy with the outcome for me tonight.

    As for my ex, there was certainly no effort put forth to even attempt to put on a brave face, never mind an outright charade. I’d have to guess that seeing me must have triggered the “shame, anxiety, and avoidance” response in her.

    Sad, but it is what it is.

  27. webdevchica said

    Thank you for writing this blog. I am slowly going through all your posts. I’ve been through a lot of sites to gain, what? I don’t know, understanding, information, support, and I’m tired of reading the oh, poor BPD, they’re just like a child crap on other sites. I wish there was more male representation out there, but I take what I can get 🙂 My ex is a male Borderline and we had two children and I was with him for 3 years (not consecutively of course, three years of whenever he felt like or I couldn’t take anymore) and the abuse we all suffered was nothing I could ever imagine. I do not regret my children, but I regret us being tied to this demon for the rest of our lives. Clearly I made bad decisions. I went NC some time ago but I still can’t get over the crap…how long does it take, when does it end. I’m reaching out because with two babies I just can’t get to a counselor at this time and no one around me even seems to know what BPD is, let alone what hell it has been. I would greatly appreciate any support or advice anyone can give. Thank you for reading 🙂

    • savorydish said

      What you’re doing is the first step- Read all you can. I suggest writing your own blog if you feel like you’re not being properly represented. And work on yourself so that you will never repeat your bad choices. I am a firm believer of self-help. Best of luck.

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