August 26, 2012
Mickey D shares more of her story:
Thank you graciously SD for welcoming my input. The second I hit send I was worried about what the ‘fallout’ might be….I’m glad I could offer a glimpse of understanding into a borderline mind. Please bear in mind that I was diagnosed 20 some years ago, I am now in my early 40′s and have had to live a life of this, in and out of therapy for several years (although it seems I only ever ran to therapy when I was in crisis, exited the minute I felt better….sheesh).
But I will tell you, the younger the borderline, the worse the situation (or should I say undiagnosed). When I was in my late teens, and met the first guy that took me out of my abusive home, when he realized he could no longer deal with me and the mental problems I was displaying (and trust me, I had no idea I was displaying mental instability, that’s how naive we are to this problem). I thought cutting, screaming, threatening suicide, spitting venom if he leaves me, was just a mere overreaction to his mentioning he needs to move out of the relationship.
I spent the next 15 years dating abusive NPD men, getting crazier by the minute because their inability to care (about anyone but themselves) or stick around, was non existant and I could NOT wrap my head around that….still can’t. This is why I’ve spent…..years…..reading and responding on ‘survivors of narcissists’….
I know what you meant when you mentioned the BPD who come running through here screaming foul play. I’ve seen the NPD run through some of the sites I visit too….and it riles me up even more. All I can say, the longer you get hooked up on trying to understand the BPD (or NPD for that matter), the more work you have to do internally from something that went bad in childhood. We are all trying to fix a core wound from our upbringing…if we could just figure out the PD, we will have it ALL figured out is our reasoning.
Again, I feel for all those who are struggling to get out from under what the BPD put you through, I know because I’ve put men through it myself. I’m not proud of it…and I truly am writing this to help you understand….not forgive….just to try and understand. Peace.
Recently, a man, by the name of Mat, asked if he could salvage his BPD relationship. He saw that Mickey D had come out a better person and thought, if only his own ex would seek treatment, he might be able to make it work. But let me say Mickey D is an exception to the rule.
A borderline has to want to get better and then they must overcome great emotional hurdles to stick with it. You are talking at least 7 years of therapy. Many borderlines can not stomach this. My own ex gave up therapy after 3 sessions, because of her fears of therapy. She would rather live a lie. For her, this was the less painful option.
Mickey D has grown into a wiser more mature woman. But age alone does not do the trick. BPD only mellows with age when borderlines find proper and healthy ways to deal with it. Denial, distractions and delusions are common coping methods, but these are maladaptive tactics.
A borderline must confront her past and her disorder with brutal honesty. She must walk across the hot coals of self-awareness before she can make it to the other side. Many BPs are not up to the task. So in evaluating your BPD relationship, you must first evaluate the borderline and yourself.
You must be in tip top shape to handle the roller-coaster ride that is before you. But chances are if you have found yourself in a dysfunctional relationship, you are not in good shape. Birds of a feather flock together. Damaged people find each other in hopes that love will save them.
But this is not true love. This is a co-dependent addiction masquerading as love. Instead of one person hurting themselves. You now have two people hurting each other.
I think we can all learn from Mickey D’s example. As she said, we all have things to work on.