Stigmatizing BPD

August 23, 2012

A commenter by the name of Stanly had this to say:

I do like your style of writing, this blog is written fantastically but what you say much of the time about borderlines is quite stigmatizing as you group all borderlines together saying “they do this” and “they do that”. It’s really not fair or wise.

Well, I thank you for the initial compliment but you seem to forget that BPD is a DISORDER- meaning a condition that has negative implications. Those negative implications existed long before I started this blog. If you accuse me of stigmatizing BPD, then you should also include the entire medical community and every borderline who has ever screwed someone over.

The posts on this blog are based on my own experiences and the experiences of many more out there. These are true accounts. And in my research and conversations with other survivors, I have discovered that the info here is pretty consistent with what most partners experience. It is actually surprising how similar are experiences can be. If you have a different experience, you are more than welcome to share. Perhaps you need to spend more time thinking about the other people who are negatively effected by BPD.

I suggest it is unfair and unwise to ask people who have been emotionally harmed by borderlines to remain silent. You are punishing those who have already been punished, punishing them for speaking the truth and sharing that which is still painful. You might want to show more compassion to these victims of emotional abuse.

That being said, I often say that not all borderlines are created equal. I have encountered some BPs that have been very compassionate towards Nons. But I have also been visited by others who have been raging assholes. I admit that I am biased by my own experiences. But I have yet to meet someone who has had a good experience with BPD. So maybe you should place the blame on those borderlines who give the disorder a bad name. THEY are the ones who stigmatize the disorder. Not me.

Whilst there is an element of truth in some of the things you mention and describe you do not explain what really goes on in the mind of a borderline or WHY ‘they’ do the things ‘they’ do.

Oh? Just an “element of truth”?  Those sound like the words of BPD apologist.  I do explain what really goes on in the mind of the borderline. If you have read this entire blog, you would know that. The first thing I did, when my ex split me black and abandoned our relationship, was to research what goes on in the mind of a BP. I also provide links so people can do their own research.

Borderlines are not bad people, usually it’s quite the opposite as they are very empathetic people, they feel deeply and can relate to others who feel pain. They battle everyday with emotions, it is not their fault that there is no activity in some parts of their brain, and over activity in others.

I judge a person by their actions. If someone continuously and habitually commits harmful acts, they are (in my eyes) a bad person. To say borderlines are not bad people is an incredibly broad and defensive statement. Could it be you are defending yourself? And your actions?

Do I really think BPs are evil? No. But BPD is a disorder. It is recognized as a disorder that has serious consequences for those who choose to become intimate with BPs. BPs cause harm to loved ones. That is a fact. If you can provide evidence of the contrary. Please do.

As biased as I may be, I think I’m pretty fair. As you can see, I even post the opinions of those who question my ways. I have even posted the rants of rabid borderlines (minus the abusive language but sometimes including it to show abusive borderlines can be). This blog is telling the truth about BPD. Whenever a borderline abuses a loved one, they are the ones who stigmatize the disease.

 

13 Responses to “Stigmatizing BPD”

  1. Sammy said

    @Savoy Dish , all I can really say to this person , I really want to say idiot, is WoW , and about 10 more woes, come on man are are you serious , tell me your kidding me right. These persons with BPD , are evil to the 8th power they do dirt that they plan. they seek out people whom they think are weak . And slowly try in suck the life out of them. Then they run behind enablers and point their nasty little fingers and like the lying little 8 year old they ,they tell damn lies, then go find another and another victim. Hey Savorydish is this turkey totally brain dead . doesn’t he know we know a enabler when we hear one….again Wow !!!!! 🙂 this some funny shit.

  2. DP said

    Actually I think this is the most interesting site for learning about BPD.. Let’s get to the truth BPD is a horrible disorder and has and can do considerable damage to a persons life, self-esteem, existence.. Such damage can leave you questioning your own sanity.. So tell me, who really has BPD … Don’t we all have some capabilities?

  3. Flopsy said

    SD, I have found this blog helpful. As with most psychological disorders there are patterns if behavior that are standard, and are used to diagnose. This is not stigmatizing people, alternately it offers annex

    • Flopsy said

      Sorry I didn’t finish my comment correctly… But alternately it offers insight to those traumatized by a BPD. They do feel deeply, for themselves…their pain, loss etc. They are desolate in so many ways.

  4. savorydish said

    Mat,

    My heart goes out to you, my friend. You seem like a good person. Your ex sounds like she could be BPD. But this is all speculation until she gets diagnosed. The line that separates PTSD from BPD is very fuzzy to the point that there is some overlap. That’s why BPD is sometimes referred to as C-PTSD. As I understand it, PTSD is caused by an isolated event (eg. rape and sexual abuse). However BPD is partly genetic and partly the result of lifelong neglect, abandonment or abuse.

    Very little is known about BPD even by specialists and especially by everyday therapists. So it behooves you to see someone who has some expertise in this area. Traditional therapy does not work with BPD. And most therapists misdiagnose and miss the signs. A big part of this disease is deception. The BP is very good at covering up her illness. How do you detect it if she is in denial, if she is hiding it?

    If she makes you feel like the “disease”, then the relationship has moved from being dysfunctional to abusive. If your self-worth wasn’t shot before, it will be after she’s done with you. Take your friends’ advice and find someone else. This one can only cause you heartache. I know it’s easier said than done. Believe me, I know.

    This is a real addiction. Breaking an addiction is not easy, but your well-being depends on it. Do not stay friends, because that is an excuse for her to play you like a yo-yo. Make a clean break and RUN. Keep reading this blog to gain perspective. We are all here for you. But you have to be the one to make the break. Good luck and be well.

  5. toughmat said

    Man my brain is so fried i didnt remember I posted here as well. Im sorry SD. Sammy, I appreciate your direct approach. Im not easily offended so the wake up call affect could provide helpful.
    Here is a question- she preached loyalty above all else and honesty, honesty, honesty. Do you think this was a cover for her own deceit? i have caught her in at least one lie. I am so sad to think it was possible she was in a sense, a fraud.

    • savorydish said

      Mat,
      You’re confused and you want me to say that there is a chance that things might work out. But it won’t. Save yourself. You can not expect honesty from a woman whose mind is warped by trauma.

  6. toughmat said

    Yes, pretty much I want someone to give me permission or hope that I should try to make it work with her. I don’t think I was very good at calming her insecurity and this time I can do better. I am convinced I can create stronger boundaries and not allow her frustrations to upset me. I am aware I sound desperate, I am. Bouncing back and forth from ‘she was borderline it will never work just move on’ to ‘she only has ptsd, I was not loving enough and devoted enough she is right, try again!’. If I move on, at what point can I expect to look back and see I made a good decision, embrace my freedom, and feel peace?

    • savorydish said

      Whatever her diagnosis may be, she is deeply troubled. Nobody can make it work with her, because she is profoundly broken. It is impossible. She doesn’t need a man, she needs serious treatment. Stop thinking about how you can make it work.

      You are tangled in her web, so you must focus on finding clarity. Push the eject button immediately. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave. The damage has already been done, so you need to focus on healing yourself. Not her.

      The best decision you can make is to move on. It may take a year or so before you realize that you made a good decision. My ex made that decision for me, when she cut me out of her life. But looking back, it may have been the best thing she had done for me. In her selfish and cruel last act, she saved me from lifelong misery.

      I am trying to do the same for you.

  7. toughmat said

    With a restraining.order threat coming a day after she was willing to get back together I assume she is painting me black. However, she said she loves me and wants the best for me but that she wants no contact to move on. Its so confusing. Is it a game and she will be coming back? I don’t think so. She really believes I have betrayed her and she is sick of my ambiguity. I can’t blame her for the latter. Her past relationships she says she made clean breaks. Any predictions?

    • savorydish said

      Ah yes, the restraining order threat.You would be surprised how common this tactic is amongst troubled women aka professional victims aka borderlines on the run. The sudden switch from willingness to hostility is a sign that her mental state is highly unstable. You are dealing with explosive material.

      Her primitive instincts have taken over. She is in fight or flight mode. You are now the enemy. Whatever you think you had was an illusion. Stop trying to figure her out. It will only cause you madness.

      This is a huge red flag my friend. Take this threat seriously. You are no longer dealing with just a BP. You are dealing with a BP with histrionic tendencies. You are in very real danger. These women will do anything to cover their tracks. Save yourself.

      Her threat has nothing to do with you. She is reacting to tragic events from her past. She wants no contact because that is how intense her fear of abandonment is. Fear equals unimaginable pain. And in her troubled mind, you are the cause of that pain. I know this sounds insane. Because it is.

      Nothing you can do will change her mind. ANY efforts by you to save the relationship will be deemed a threat to her well-being. This is the extent of her insanity. It is completely irrational. But in her troubled mind, it is real.

      Her clean breaks are not clean breaks because she is leaving you a mess. Her abrupt exit is demonstrating a pattern of emotionally instability and immaturity. One minute, hot. The next, cold. This is abusive behavior. Do not tolerate it.

  8. charles said

    I to judge people by their actions. My ex borderline has put me through hell, never been so abused , be-littled in front of others, the head banging screaming”don’t leave,don’t leave” . Being told she is full of the devil, and I must have a devil in me to want anything to do with her. Her saying “why do u love me, you know I was with like 40 people”. The psyche hospitals, failed couples counselling. The counseller telling me that I was a good guy and should leave her. The cps cases for her suicide threats. And never, and I mean never taking any accountabilty. So yes, I am fully convinced she is a horrible person.

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