Relevant Thought of the Day

June 26, 2012

My borderline ex should spend less time trying to change the world and more time changing herself. But signing petitions is easier than taking responsibility for the way you treat others. Isn’t it?

8 Responses to “Relevant Thought of the Day”

  1. dskennan said

    As a tangent to beliefs, what have readers found that their BPDs consumed in terms of reading and music?

    My ex liked Virgina Woolf and various ‘feminist’ writers, from a paper standpoint. Books like Jane Eyre. Movies like The Secret Life of Words.

    From a music standpoint, it was more definitive – lots of ‘soul’ and what I refer to as ‘sadcore’… songs of angst and pain.

    In no particular order, Tori Amos, Ane Brun, Bon Iver, Al Green, Melody Gardot.

    I found it interesting that on her Facebook public page, within a few months of the breakup, she liked a couple of artists who co-incidentally had recently-released singles. Get a load of these:

    Lana Del Rey – Videogames (basically about failed relationships)
    Birdy – Skinny Love (a cover of Bon Iver’s song about unbalanced relationships)
    Gotye – Someone I Used To Know (the lament after a bad breakup song)

    I find that it’s just too coincidental that songs that have significant lyrical content in common with the breakup are ‘liked’ by my ex as they begin to take off up the charts.

    Personally, I believe my ex uses her artistic interests and skills to ’emote’. A number of people comments to me that her works are ‘dark’, ‘slightly disturbed’, and ‘sad’.

    • savorydish said

      My BP loved reading stories of sadness and oppression. She loved melancholy music but she also loved hip hop because it provides an escape. But it was the ultra-violent dreams and poetry that were most troubling.

  2. Henley said

    My exBPDbf loved Adele. I can’t stand Adele. It is white chick stalker music to slit your wrists by.

  3. charles said

    My offically diagnosed ex borderline is the most selfish, professional victim, hateful , abusive person I have ever been involved with , the damage they do to their partnens should not be underestimated.

    • savorydish said

      Very true, Charles.

      I would add that most of the world underestimates how destructive BPs can be. That is why awareness is so important. The cycle of abuse has to stop somewhere. It starts by acknowledging the pain caused by those who feel too much pain.

  4. Zee said

    Yeah, catch phrases about ‘personal belief,’ The Secret, self-help language . . . BPD’s often latch onto this stuff to use it for rationalizing purposes. Many borderlines have been in an out of therapy and/or institutions for years, and have had a lot of time to co-opt pseudo-therapeutic language and ideas for their own purposes. The smart ones use it against their victims with gaslighting, truth-bending, divide and conquer strategies . . . all the fun stuff!!

    Seriously . . . whenever I hear a woman sprout self-helpy crap, I RUN FOR THE HILLS. The only thing that scares me as much is when they have neurotic little dogs. The crazies always have some flea-bitten hostage with that ‘Get me out of here!’ look in their eyes 😉

    • savorydish said

      I support self-help. The problem is these women need way more than self-help. Reading “Men are from Mars…” is not going to cure the fear of intimacy that comes from BPD. These people need professional-grade help, not therapy-lite.

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