Mina Jade Has Some Serious Issues

February 25, 2012

After telling me over and over again that she will avoid guys like me, Mina Jade is back for more. She just can’t get enough.

SavoryDish believes I would ever go near him… I never went anywhere near HIM. I went near his SITE which I found offensive. If you have a site aimed against a group of people (ethnics, health, religion, gender, etc.), the members of the group will appear on your site, and, BPD or not, they WILL be emotional and angry as hell.

As a person and as a man, you are someone to avoid. I will never go near you, I promise. I will beg you with tears in my eyes NOT to come near me – nor any borderline girl, for that matter.

I think I made it pretty clear that I want nothing to do with the likes of her, but she insists that she is the one rejecting me.

When a borderline fears abandonment/rejection, she will go out of her way to make sure everyone knows that she is the one rejecting you. She will cheat on you. She will badmouth you. She will emasculate you. She will create a checklist of all the reasons why she is dumping you. This is called devaluation. It is textbook borderline.

Devaluation allows her to emotionally detach from you (to detach from the pain of rejection). It gives her a reason to mistreat you, then discard you. But most important of all, it gives her the illusion that she is in control of the situation.

Here she is giving Jon H. a mouthful of devaluation:

Some of the comments like Jon Anyone’s hateful and sexist words make my blood boil. He really did good to his ex when he left her! Actually it was the only good thing he ever did for her. I really do feel sorry for every victim of these “healthy” ones.

What she is struggling to say is that her self-esteem is so low, even a stranger’s comments trigger fears of rejection. Here she is trying to drag Jon H. down to her level. Notice how she uses loaded words like “sexist” as weapons. The fauxminist’s arsenal is full of loaded words like “mysoginist”, “subhuman”,”creepy”, etc. Women like Mina Jade use emotionally-charged words like a molotov cocktail. They hit and run.

Women like Mina Jade hide behind feminist indignation for protection. But BPD is not gender-specific. To make it so, indicates a manipulative personality. It indicates a person who uses shame and blame to misdirect the audience. They are hiding their abusive behavior behind a cloud of activist pretense.

Women like Mina Jade want you to think they are fighting for womankind, but they are actually fighting for themselves. An untreated borderline is far too selfish to fight for others. Their pain is too great to think about other people’s suffering.

Borderline women represent only 2% of the female population. It is impossible for them to even relate to the other 98%, so how can they call themselves feminists? This is not feminism. This is pure manipulation, abusive behavior disguised as activism. Calling Jon H. a “sexist” allows Mina Jade to demonize him and therefore discredit his opinions about her kind. Her kind being untreated borderlines, not women.

Today ones like JH say “I don’t care if she was gang-raped at five” – tomorrow they will rape someone, because “she provoked him and was not appropriately dressed” etc.
Are NONS the new MASTER RACE?

This is a perfect example of black and white thinking. She’s basically saying: “You don’t buy my damsel in distress act, so therefore you must be a rapist”. Borderline brains are so flushed with emotions, they are prone to bizarre accusations. They are prone to taking things way out of context. I believe Jon H. was merely stating that he no longer feels obligated to stay with someone just because they are a rape survivor, especially if said survivor is prone to lashing out at loved ones.

There is a disturbing pattern of borderline women falsely accusing men of rape, especially when a borderline feels rejected.  Borderline women who were actually raped or falsely accuse people of rape, usually have a history of sexual abuse. The effects of BPD are then multiplied by the number of times they have been violated (re-victimization). They have all the hypersensitivity that comes with BPD, with the additional rage that comes with being sexually assaulted. It’s a keg of explosives waiting to go off.

Women like Mina Jade have a troubled relationship with sex. They use sex as both a lure and a weapon. As survivors, they are very aware of the stigma that comes with inappropriate sex and they are not afraid to use it to take down enemies. They are both the victim and the victimizer rolled up into one troubled persona.

When a borderline’s brain is flooded with emotions, they are incapable of logic and reason. But very capable of ruining people’s lives. When they are emotional (which is very often the case), they regress to a 3 yr old child lashing out indiscriminately. They speak without thinking. They lash out with outrageous claims and unexpected vindictiveness. They resort to gross exaggerations and gross characterizations. This is the mind of a child that has not emotionally developed since the age of three.

No, Mina Jade, Nons are not the new “master race”. They are merely people who have not been as emotionally traumatized as you. They are merely people who do not have the horrific past that you do. Nons are merely people struggling to figure out why you behave the way you do. They made the mistake of trusting you. And you committed the crime of betraying their trust. Now you must live with that on your conscience.

Besides, he is in error in several matters. As for poor social skills – your moustached role model or Stalin were, in person, sociable, nice guys according to their closest acquaintances. Writing skills – the Bronte sisters were old maids (except for one of them who had a wretched marriage), Dostoyevsky and Hemingway, Jan Potocki, Maupassant, Elfriede Jelinek – well, could you guess what are they?? Abnormal people, as you put it.

So far, Mina Jade has called Jon H a rapist, a sexist and now Hitler. Her demonization skills are strong. She is determined to portray her enemy as the villain and she, of course, will always be the helpless victim. Mina Jade is using every tactic found in the book of dirty fighting.

Although she has a point about disorderd people- they are very good at hiding their dysfunction. Young girls who struggle with social skills early on, eventually learn to refine their social craft in their adulthood. They become very good actresses who put on whatever face gets the job done. If she needs to cry to get her way, she can turn it on like a shower head.

Borderline women who go through a goth phase, eventually shed their scary make-up and piercings. They start dressing like runway fashionistas. They take on respectable jobs as journalists, authors and teachers. They are able to weasel their way up the social ladder. They are able to trick people into marrying them.

They dress in cloaks of respectability so they can spread their twisted borderline views to a mass audience. Fauxminists like my ex and Shady Doyle do it all the time. This is their act for all the world to see. But deep down inside, they are still troubled little girls. Arrested-development does not get better with time, it just gets covered up with fabulous glitz and glam.

If JH feels ashamed, then it is really little for all what he did!
List or not, there ARE signs from the get go. There were signs in the first moment when you picked up your first borderline ex. There were red flags or gut instincts or call it anyhow. You, healthy people, could SEE it, yet you have your dirty ittle reasons to stuck to the BPD girl.
Men who have a tendency to end up with BPD ladies, are usually insecure on the inside. Perhaps they can hide the reason from everyone, they play the role of an easy-going fellow, but deep down are truly insecure. To compensate this, they become “nice guys”, they please everyone, they talk to everyone so nicely, and when they enter a room full of people, they may talk to the confident and laughing girls, yet end up dating the one who is brooding alone in a corner. At least she will be easy to control, to mock, to humiliate. With her, they will not feel inferior.

To cut a long story short, you all, spiteful, insecure, whining users, picked up someone who was also a spiteful, insecure, whining user. Every Jack finds his Jill, where is the problem? Do not hate on the mirror if you dislike your image.

You know, there are men who do recognise the warning signs at first sight, instinctively, without any list or help of hate sites. They never become involved with BPD women.
That is because they are confident and well-balanced persons (they do not playact, they ARE like that inside and outside).

Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what she is ranting incoherently about. But she is essentially shifting the blame onto the victim. She is projecting her shame onto Jon H, another classic borderline defense- “I know you are, but what am I?” She refuses to be seen as the damaged one, so the easiest way to deal with this is to project her insecurities onto others. Borderlines in denial often accuse their victims and critics of being the dysfunctional one.

Borderline women like Mina Jade work pretty hard to find people that are vulnerable. And when I say vulnerable, I mean people who are kind. So it is odd that this predator would blame her victims for having the very qualities she looks for in a prey.  Women like Mina Jade are so fucked up, they believe YOU must be fucked up to love them. Don’t take my word for it. She said it, herself.

Women like Mina Jade perceive kindness as a weakness. She said it herself. That is why they don’t allow it in themselves. Being nice makes them feel vulnerable. They will accuse you of being weak. That’s why they treat you with disrespect. They are proud of being a bitch. Acting like a bitch gives them a false sense of strength. Being a bitch is the wall they put up to keep people from hurting them. But it gets awfully lonely behind that wall.

Mina Jade claims that those, who make the mistake of falling for borderlines, are inherently flawed. I can not speak for other Nons, but I can safely say that I am ok with myself. I am not perfect, nor do I profess to be. But that does not mean I can’t speak at great length about the borderlines who have betrayed me. Despite the emotional wounds inflicted by these borderline lovers, I have emerged a stronger/wiser person. I have a healthy amount of confidence. Not too much, not too little.

My borderline ex would often accuse me of having too much confidence, but this was her own insecurities speaking. When people have low self-esteem, like Mina Jade, they can only feel better by tearing other people down. Women like Mina Jade don’t give people black eyes, they just make them feel like shit. She is dragging people down to her level.

When Mina Jade speaks of spiteful, insecure, whining users. She is, of course, projecting. She is talking about herself. Borderlines are too sensitive to point out their own flaws, so they project these qualities onto others. Usually, someone who is close to them.

I will never deny that I am a bad-natured person, and do not like to take responsibility for some of my acts.
Yet none of you NONs have the right to feel superior because you happened to be born NONs.

Nobody feels superior, when they are facing the sharp end of a borderline’s attack. When a borderline is done devaluing their loved ones, they leave them in emotional ruins. They won’t be happy unless they leave you with lower self-esteem than theirs.

I suppose this was some admission by Mina Jade that she is a horrible human being. But, somehow, this admission feels half-assed. It seems like it was more important for her to blame Nons for her feelings of inferiority. But Nons are not to blame for her insecurity. Because women like Mina Jade feel inferior without our help. You would be hard-pressed to find a borderline who doesn’t have a massive inferiority-complex.

This site is offensive, discriminative, unfeeling, highly bieased, and sexist. (From the very second you start justify rape and abuse, it becomes a gender issue as well.)
However, most of all, it is discriminative against borderline people.

Always the victim, never the victimizer. Discrimination, for the most part, is bad. But there are times when it is good. Remember when your mom told you not to speak to strangers. That was a good example of discrimination. Discrimination against abusive personalities is good. Because these people WILL do you harm. Any BPD specialist, will tell you the exact same thing. I encourage all my readers to discriminate against people who would do them harm. That includes untreated borderlines.

Self-destructive borderlines have a habit of running away from good people and running towards people who end up using them for sex, abusing them or raping them. This is not justification for such horrific acts, it is a clear pattern of self-destructive behavior. Nobody, in their right mind, would condone rape. To suggest that this blog condones rape is not only absurd, it indicates a manipulative personality with a severe victim-complex. It is a clear example of how histrionic borderlines distort the truth, so people will feel sorry for them. These are the markings of a silent abuser.

Cheating, lying, raging is not borderline specific features. Healthy people also cheat, lie, pretend, rage.
You all admit that you were not in love, you “thought” that you were (but actually you were not) – then who is the delusional one? You were not in love with someone, then what could you expect from a relationship?

True. Cheating, lying, and raging are not exclusive to borderlines. However, these abusive behaviors are more common and pronounced with borderlines. Borderlines are not abnormal. They are hyper-normal. Being an asshole is not exclusive to borderlines, but untreated BPs are really good at it. Abusive and manipulative behavior has been programmed into a borderline’s brain since childhood. It is second nature.

If this site would be for keeping ones like you away from borderline affected persons, then it would be an awesome thing! However, I can see nothing of that – only angry people stigmatise borderline persons. You see, THIS is why many borderline will hide their illness. They do not want NONs like you to call them queers and monsters.

Wrong. Angry borderlines stigmatize themselves whenever they betray a loved one’s trust. They stigmatize themselves, when they act like raging assholes. The stigma is created by angry borderlines just like Mina Jade.

Mina Jade is the angry person she speaks of. But she is too angry to realize it. Rageoholics like Mina Jade spread their anger onto unsuspecting loved ones and then wonder why they are so angry.  She acts like a raving lunatic and then wonders why people “stigmatize” her. Borderlines like Mina Jade are absolutely clueless.

47 Responses to “Mina Jade Has Some Serious Issues”

  1. The completely AWESOME thing is that I could give a flying f__k what the Mina Jades of this world think. Life is just too supercool to waste on damaged goods.

    You know what I am? A trusted friend, a valued business partner, a good neighbor, a funny and interesting person to hang out with, a great son, a good uncle . . . the list goes on and on. I’m well-liked at the gym I go to 5 TIMES A WEEK, I’m good friends with my band-mates, I make a great living, I am not short on second glances from attractive women . . .

    I got it going ON, kid!! The last thing I need is to cast my pearls before swine.

    Hence, BUH-BYE Borderlines and all Cluster B’s!! Don’t care how you got that way. It ‘aint none of my business, and I don’t want it to be. Go grab your crying towels and sob somewhere else. I don’t waste my empathy on people who can’t feel empathy themselves. Johnny Boy lives on a TWO-WAY street. He gets respect, he gives respect. And that’s motherf____ing ALL folks.

    That’s my truth – BONA FIDE. An no skanky trainwreck will ever change that. Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me. There ‘aint gonna be a second time.

    A Borderline is like someone who purposely smacks you on the hand with a hammer, then says “Well, you shouldn’t of put your hand there.”
    Think what kind of a douchebag it takes to do something like that.

  2. Jon said

    I’ll say something else here. It’s very important people, so listen up.

    Borderlines are essentially emotional vampires. They THRIVE on the energy created by conflict. It’s their food. Doesn’t matter if it’s ‘good’ food or ‘bad’ food, just as long as it’s food. Positive energy, or negative energy . . . it’s all the same to emotional vampires. They need to stick their I.V. into you to drain the emotional energy they don’t have themselves. Hence the term VAMPIRE.

    That’s why Mina Jade keeps coming back here. And the worse she gets it from us, the more she’ll come back. We could look her straight in the eye and tell her that this is CLASSIC Borderline behavior . . . and it wouldn’t even register with her. Things like self-realization, honesty or linear reason ALWAY take a back seat to the need to feed with emotional vampires.

    Always.

    Underneath the Borderline’s endless drama and histrionics, there is actually very little ‘there.’ Loss or absence of ‘self’ necessarily indicates a loss or absence of the emotional energy of a ‘self.’ The Borderline essentially drains the ‘self-ness’ of those around them to compensate for the loss or absence of emotional energy within themselves. So then . . . when a Borderline is on a tirade of histrionics or just plain acting out, she is not ’emoting’ per se; she’s like a corpse who has shocked herself alive with a cattle prod. When the tirade is over, and things turn back to ‘normal,’ the Borderline will once again have to elicit emotional energy from others via acting out in order to shock herself ‘alive’ once again – if only temporarily.

    That’s the way it works.

    Borderlines are emotional vampires: they LIVE for conflict. Normal people, on the other hand (or at least to a greater or lesser extent), want RESOLUTION. We see a problem, and we want to resolve it. We have a conflict with someone, and we wish to heal the conflict. Or, having tried and failed, we walk away. The sad and tragic thing is that when the NON learns Borderline ways, and begins to refuse to play the game, that’s when the s__t really hits the fan. What COULD be a major turning point for many Borderlines actually works as a trigger for their maladaptive behaviors, and the relationships deteriorates further.

    In my relationship with my ex, when I started to pull back a bit and take care of myself, her behaviors got MUCH WORSE. I changed my living situation (we did not live together, thank God), started hitting the gym on a regular basis, got back into music, spent more time with family, started eating better . . . all these things were abandonment triggers for her. Instead of a “That’s great, honey! I’m proud of you,” I experienced a fulll unleashing of BPD onslaught. Unless I was sickenly codependent, WHY WOULD I STAY WITH THAT? If I did stay with it, I would be even sicker than she was.

    Deep down, I really do feel sorry for untreated Borderlines. They will continue to fulfill their worst abandonment fears over and over and over again until they somehow develop a capacity and a willingness to see the TRUTH. They will continue to push people away unless they learn how not to be controlled by their emotions. They will writhe in pain unless they develop behavior modification skills. Unless their false beliefs undergo a full 360 degree change, their lives will be futile.

    It sucks. I feel sorry for them. But not enough to stick around.

    • Sinn said

      This is 150% on the money! Not gonna add anything to it. Just the same here..I tried to pull back slightly for my own personal space as a dude, and I had work and full-time university studies, and she swore the r/s was ending, instead a maturing to a place where we trusted and loved each other and I needed to focus on ensuring that future I promised her. It went downhill from there.

  3. rstolk said

    Nice job with your explainations Savory Dish! Mina Jade must be way off in luny world to think that we nons won’t get angry when they slight us. Like I should be so happy that I allowed mine to put me into bankruptcy until I became aware of too many WTF moments. Great job Savory! My BPDwife used such rational as: What kind of husband am I if I didn’t let her use my credit cards, or get her what she wanted immediately to fullfil her instant gratification even though she made a hell of a lot more money than I.

    Bob

    • savorydish said

      Thanks Bob.

      Selfishness and feelings of entitlement are huge red flags. This is a person who could give a rat’s ass about you.

    • Jon said

      “My BPDwife used such rational as: What kind of husband am I if I didn’t let her use my credit cards, or get her what she wanted immediately to fullfil her instant gratification even though she made a hell of a lot more money than I.”

      And then they’ll turn around and say, “What kind of man are you to let me get away with that in the first place!!?”

      We call those people DOUCHEBAGS where I come from.

  4. Zan said

    SavoryDish – you rock.

  5. Zee said

    @savorydish:

    You also mentioned sex. Sex such a dark issue with Borderlines!! Lots of bad ju-ju there.

    About a month into my relationship with my undiagnosed Borderline ex, I started to get a vague, uneasy feeling that sex was just a little ‘too important’ to her. She was completely obsessed with it. She used to try and wake me up in the wee hours of the morning, even though she knew I had to get up for work. I had had plenty of healthy sexual relationships in my life, but somehow, this was different.

    It took a short while for me to realize that this woman used sex to self-medicate and to treat her emotional dysregulation. Her mood change after sex was very, very pronounced. She would be ‘all over the place’ before sex, and afterward, she would be nearly comatose. Sex creates endorphins and oxytocin – nature’s painkillers. She was using these painkillers to numb herself and ‘check out.’

    Like I said; I sensed something was really ‘off’ about a month into it. Looking back now, I KNOW I WAS RIGHT. I said something about it to her at the time. I was very careful about how I approached the issue; but of course, she took it as a personal attack and turned herself into the victim. I know now that this was a defense mechanism on her part. I had seen the truth, and instead of facing the truth, she turned to maladaptive behaviors to hide from it. Untreated BPD’s always do that when the people around them call them out on their unhealthy behaviors.

    The same thing happened when I called her out on her impulse control issues. She had a habit of blurting out whatever was in her head or whatever she was feeling. Her delivery could be extremely obnoxious. I calmly and carefully called her out on it and stated that I did not care to be around such immature behavior. She immediately went into whiny victim mode by claiming that ‘people were always trying to change and her and wouldn’t accept her for who she is.’ AGAIN, the defense mechanism.

    When untreated Borderline’s are confronted about their maladpative behaviors, their abandonment issues are triggered. A calm, careful criticism is like telling them “I hate you and I’m leaving.” Even if you tell them that you love them and are not leaving, they freak out. The reason they freak out is that they’ve been through this with all the other ‘normal’ people in their lives. The ‘Normies’ confronted them about their behaviors, the behaviors got WORSE, and eventually, the normies DID abandon them!!

    So then: the Borderline’s seemingly irrational abandonment fears in the face of calm, careful criticism are actually WELL FOUNDED. They fear abandonment, because they KNOW it’s going to happen. What they DON’T KNOW is that THEY are the ones who are going to cause the abandonment. Any ‘normal’ person with an ounce of integrity and self-worth will not stay to suffer such behavior. They might give the perpetrator a few chances; they might give it a few months, or even a year; but eventually, they split. This happens with friends, lovers, co-workers, etc. The length and intensity of relationships vaieries according to the severity of Borderline behavior, but eventually, the innevitable happens.

    That’s why Borerlines either have no real friends, or are surrounded by crazy people and psychophants. ‘Normal’ people won’t put up with the crap, and eventually they fly the coop. This is tragic, because crazy people and psychophants don’t have the capacity or insight or willingness to tell the Borerline the truth. The very people who could help the Borderline are pushed away; the very people who KEEP HER SICK are chosen to remain.

    It’s a tragic RINSE AND REPEAT cycle.

    • savorydish said

      Funny you mention being comatose. My ex would often tune out. If we were at a restaurant and a waiter aked her a question, she would just sit there in an awkward silence. When I answered for her, she would accuse me of being controlling.

    • savorydish said

      Well said. My ex surrounds herself with people who pat her head. Her own family refuses to acknowledge her condition, because all roads lead to them. If her enablers pointed out her issues, they would have to own up to their own issues. So the charade continues.

    • Sinn said

      So many great points here, although I’d like to add that Borderlines hang out with psychos and sycophants because they need constant POSITIVE validation. They also need EXCITEMENT because they can’t self-soothe to provide constant positive stimulation w/o others to themselves…hence, Mina Jade trolling. She has probably just done some dude wrong, and burnt through her support group for that enabler stimulation. Not getting validation (even negative arguing is positive to them because they’re ALL ABOUT CONTROL AND HAVING IT BEING ABOUT THEM) from the Exe anymore that’s up to her level of victimhood, Savory has now became the stand-in. In my experience, and I’m pretty sure I’ve been with 3 uDX’d BDPers is that relationships with them are usually the same way: they first get intimate very quickly, and then spend the balance of the r/s hitting you up with various delusions of why the r/s will eventually fail, usually with themselves as the martyr/catalyst/and still victim b/c of THEIR flaw.

      You spend copious amounts of time trying to shore them up, and you let little things go by b/c of the excessive time drain to no trust-forging the BL brings. The sex is great, but becomes fleeting, as more emotional juice has to be spent to burrow them out of whatever funk/crisis/dirty look from stranger/coworker they allow to affect their entire being that day, plus you have to continuously prove that you’re not using them for sex.

      I was almost married to two women I can say are borderline…one just out of the blue swore up and down I was gay from a book she read by a bisexual. But I characterize them as the relationship Raptors. In the first JP movie, the Aussie spoke of the Raptors just constantly testing the electrical fences for weaknesses, and that’s what BDPers do. If they find a weakness that is attributed to them or they’re idolizing you, then you have to spend the time lifting them up and rationalizing EVERY fear they have. If it is something you brought to the r/s or is able to be blamed on you, if it makes you miserable as they are, they lift you up so you will do the same for them, but it does start the devaluation. You seriously have to be Superman emotionally to deal with that level of shit testing.

      I didn’t have the cheating problems with the first one, b/c I’d checked out from all the red flags earlier..we did remain friends and even shared benefits, until I fell completely in love with the other one. Still, I would advise caution to those looking at nons in some failure spectrum. I think this is the main legacy and how BDPers get away with so many of the betrayals to the social contract. No one knows the complete time-forging spent with a Borderline, all of which inspires OBSESSION but NO TRUST in the borderline, which is the opposite of any other relationship. They can devalue you, flame you, and have sex with random strangers to feel better w/out batting an eye, when you would’ve been with 3 children in a mansion with the supposed time commitment you’ve put thinking you had an actual relationship.

      From that nightmare, how they treat you still makes you feel and look like a failure to many people, instead of them understanding the direct context and how much of a betrayal you’ve suffered, over that BDP’s so-called “decision to terminate/sabotage the relationship”. Being a competitive society, the Non’s are told that they’re somehow at fault. Bullshit. All I know is that I wasn’t the dude I was now before we met. True, she inspired me greatly and magnified what I felt were my best qualities, because she validated them, but I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck. I’m not codependent, and I know what an actual relationship is. The BDP one is weird because it does start off as normal, until their hooks are in, and then it’s about them. Again, being a man, a man still in love, you just want to make the r/s work. It’s not like it’s all bad..but when it does get really bad, you can’t believe how quickly they abandon it and what they do to do so.

  6. Howie said

    Sinn,

    You are spot-on. You just described my histrionic borderline ex. You say they hang out with psychos and sycophants. I believe this is true. When it comes to my ex’s friends, those who are not most likely fellow borderlines are just as screwed up in other ways and comprise her “posse” or “entourage” of minions and followers who validate her and stroke her ego.

    She was very seductive in the courting stage, sexually assertive after the relationship began, but then immediately proceeded to bring up, time and again, how the relationship wouldn’t work and wouldn’t last, and of course it was all my fault that the relationship would ultimately fail. At the time, I didn’t know what to make of such conjecture.

    One day she took major offense to a minor remark I had made citing the fact that she had used an excuse for not going to the horse races with me because she had to clean house. Interestingly, neither happened, but she was fuming with me for citing her own behavior. So, I stayed away from her and didn’t see her again until the following afternoon when she started railing at me for disappearing. I asked her what I had done the day before to incur her wrath. Big mistake!

    Subsequently she got her panties in a bunch over nothing again. She thought I should have devoted all of my attention to her at a Thanksgiving get-together. As an aside, whenever I attempted to speak to her at the gathering, she would turn and walk away. She was ignoring me!

    This time I didn’t make the mistake of asking her what I had done wrong. I figured she’d either bring it up for discussion or get over it. Neither happened. What did happen is she discarded me after a great deal of devaluing.

    In the meantime, I wasted alot of time and lostalot of income trying to cater to her in order to make her happy, which was impossible. All she did was give me the silent treatment when she wasn’t heaping scorn and ridicule. When she found a replacement source of supply, she kicked me to the curb.

    Such is love with a borderline.

    • Sinn said

      I’m sorry about all of that Howie….yeah, both the good and bad comes in WAVES. Well, not so much for the good, but it’s enough to make you want to make her eventually happy. But note, “when she found a replacement supply, she kicked me to the curb”. This is the Mina Jade doesn’t seem to want to realize. She asks about the intentions of someone who dates a borderline. HELLO!! I’m not doing a full scale psych work up of someone I want to be involved with. It would first be insulting to the woman. I have to be able to trust that the person would not drag me along in their emotional mess, unless it is CLEARLY evident that something is off. Hence, this is how the Borderline locks you in after the courting stage, AND why they are always feeling discarded, abandoned, and victimized even as they created their own misery.

      When I first started trying to pinpoint how my ex-fiancee turned from face-to-heel (wrestling term), and I mean, she started getting drunk ALL THE TIME, wore skimpier and skimpier outfits and started hanging around obvious sluts from a break up that was supposed to simply free her from being responsible for HER END of the r/s; I found many “man’s” sites where there were players that actually sought out borderline women, because they give up the sex easily. I would NEVER stoop that low, but Mina wonders how they’re so easily used. They ignore all danger and class whenever they’re trying to soothe themselves, and the consequences are that they get into risky behaviors, and get the emotional bottom or shit from that exchange while destroying something for a person that makes them feel worse. They still blame the ones they cheated on though.

      So, they carry their ENORMOUS baggage to the next poor sap innocent “nice guy” that they feel they can eventually offload that crap onto, and if that dude TRUSTS her, he dumps it to try to get her genuinely happy. It does the opposite, you are now TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE..so the shit testing begins. You are going to eventually do something that breaks this idolization and will suffer the wrath for being someone that was: A. So good that you will eventually find she wasn’t good enough for you and abandon her anyway, B. Will eventually just become one of the other guys that promised her the world and used her for sex anyway. or C. Wasted her time and her life, which she felt was useless until she met you anyway, with something she should’ve seen and taken care of from the beginning, due to that “slight” she’s no raging about. To they run to a player, because he’s new and promises her adventure, and everything you’ve gone through with her was simply a means of controlling HER, when you got the shit tests and passed many.

      Since again, they hang with sycophants, psychos, and sometimes good people (only when they’re enabling her or can bring her back from emotional death and shame to a place she felt pure again after the slut phase ((this is for men too, this is just MY experience))), there is no mirror or criticism to get them out of the delusional bubble. Since they seek positive validation ONLY, they will not ask for help until the world starts coming down, but have a vast group of people to bash the good guy to.

      What you once knew about normal human r/s’s is now right out of the window. If your heart tells you to fight for her, you will look like a criminal. If you heart is breaking, it is now your fault..no embarrassment is untowards to complete that betrayal, which is why victims of borderlines are so pitiful looking. They’ve seen many other couples get through worse or avoid them all together with far less time than they had to put into trying to shore up the BDPer.

      Meanwhile, the BDPer, seeking excitement, is now player bait. Then, when they’re rightfully used and discarded, runs back to a new “nice guy”, with their validation squad to start all over. They NEVER take criticism. I mean, I love criticism if it’s coming from someone I can trust…it’s what makes me a better person…it inspires me. In this context, NEVER criticize a borderline…I don’t care HOW necessary it is..how benign..they will think you’re about to betray and abandon them.

      It’s not fair or cool..and their reactions don’t come out in this linear pattern to know you are beginning to be devalued to bridge the gulf she/he now feels to you. It is weird, but they only grudgingly do the things to save or negate that criticism as you would and they ask you to do for them. Mine even asked for such criticism… This is just their playbook. It is an emotional nuclear winter for the Non, which people don’t understand as they’re usually very much in love with the person that has just betrayed them. This linger effect is PTSD, but people try to call it co-dependency.

      Yet, BDPers like Mina run to try to change opinions from innocents and some less jaded Non’s by attacking people that have already lived through their damage, instead of just taking time off from dating and being validated to really look at the wreckages they’ve caused in a way that is empathetic to ALL parties involved. Was cheating, screaming, raging, fighting, sabotaging the relationship, playing with emotions of the opposite sex really necessary because the guy might have said you drive funny or something? Seriously, was it THAT crucial?

      No, because they soon tire of the sycophants and a glimmer of a conscience comes through..they run from site to site trying to attack victims, instead of getting more intense therapy to promote COPING skills, like a regular person has to function. They dont…because since they’re also passive and lost, people protect them as children, even as they cause VERY adult damage, especially to finances. But no one will ever let the burst the bubble, at least those that they don’t immediately discard afterwards.

      My ex had many people who loved her, but she couldn’t stand nearly ANY of them really, even her best friends. I thought it was b/c she lived far off and took them not being able to see her when she wanted was taken a bit out of perspective. Now, I see that these were people that at some point tried to give her some kind of an intervention, and she hated them for it. In her case, this did actually happen, but I never got the full story, but she painted them out to have betrayed her for another friend.

      She’s since reconnected, when our r/s gave her the validation to open up again with confidence (I know it’s weird to hear about this, but beautiful living through someone growing through pain), to only devalue them again for little flaws until the end of our r/s when she needed them for validation again. This lack of loyalty is why they’re player bait and shouldn’t be in r/s’s period. It is not up to the Non to have to screen for disorders, but IT IS up to them to tell us what they have. I will at least ask that question to any woman I’m getting serious with from now on.

      No matter what Mina says, I don’t hate BDPers or women period. I only sought out trying to figure out what was really going on with the ex b/c she had almost made me lose my faith in them and humans in general. It seems weird to have someone work tirelessly to help me build up this big castle for us to live in, and then allow other people, with her leading the army to just raze it to nothing. That is internally a huge stripping of my emotional walls, and externally, a huge embarrassment, and in the South, a deeper blow to my masculinity. I’d always bragged about Love and being a one-woman man, even as my peers thought I was naive and full of shit….I have to admit, they’re not that far off base, but I’m here to not let it beat me. People like Mina need to help by not creating more jaded dudes with this whole betrayal for self-soothing bullshit…it makes it really hard on the good dudes, who look like complete suckers at the end, and was patient, and good enough to take your shit tests and unload your unexpected major baggage. Learn that you don’t need another man to do that…and you start healing TRULY. Sorry for all the space!

      • Sinn said

        And while I was in my own personal zone for a minute, let me not forget how the constant enabling of their “risky” behaviors, has now combined with their constant victimhood to try to rewrite history for such behavior whenever they want to feel “pure” again. This is where the players and predators should listen up. They’ve pretty much won the slut shaming debate, but imagine one of these losers flirting to you in a club, bar while drunk and then having some skanky sex with you in an alley, stairway, or garage..destroying their relationship and then claiming you raped them afterwards. This is the delusion of a never self-examining, constantly rationalizing, unrepentant BPDer/histrionic.

        Again, what started as self-soothing, and been either deluded or led on to a future with some obvious one-night stand has landed someone in jail, because the broadening definition of what a sexual assault actually was. They play to lose, then don’t accept the outcome. People have enabled and pampered their feelings w/out letting them know the optics, and responsibilities of their actions to the point where some feel untouchable, which is a general population concern. Seriously, 80 percent of hookups are on alcohol, lol. You have to stop trying to be victims and start growing some kind of conscience or backbone. No one tells you to act out, and since no one holds you accountable, you can’t be upset with how you look…you have to fix yourself. No one is going to save you Mina, and if you’re trying to shame your group’s victims…try another site..

        I don’t just throw that BPDer charge around for the fun of it. It comes from the observation of many similar behaviors…all of which seek to undermine trust and focus attention squarely on the BPDer. It also is people that trusts their feelings to the point of delusion and act on them , w/o any evidence and with blinders on both to the ACTUAL truth and the ramifications of their actions. It’s also the complete failure to take any responsibility for said actions, promises, and prior time spent with the none not counting one bit once “red alert” has been sounded in your brains. We can’t choose who we love, or be borne from…we just wish you could have the self-realization skills that we have to at least hold your ends of social contracts, because you do hurt people…you possibily completely destroy the weaker/unprepared ones with your actions, and magnify it by shaming them to rub it in afterwards, since you’re more used to conflict and abandonment than loyalty, love, or resolve. We just need you to stop letting the predators win…because they’ve never worked or wanted to work as hard as we did..and you shit on us all anyway….notably AFTER THE FACT. G’nite THANKS AGAIN SD or allowing such a forum!!

      • Sinn said

        “That Question” being if they were ever diagnosed for Borderline Personality Disorder. I’d have them swear an oath to it if I have to. The only BDPer I will ever have in my life again is my ex and my mom…period. One will always have my heart, and the other hates me but won’t leave me the hell alone, lol!

      • Howie said

        Sinn,

        I think you’re right that they become “player bait”. I think that’s the kind of guy I got tossed overboard for.

        One thing I would add to that is that my ex told me she had been in a number of abusive relationships in the past, including her first marriage to a wife beater. She says she always remained in these relationships because the sex was always fantastic.

        Her most recent relationship prior to getting involved with me was with an alcoholic drug user who died of a heart attack triggered by a drug overdose. Her sister-in-law told me that the guy was verbally and emotionally abusive to my ex. I suspect he also beat her up during their relationship.

        My ex talks about that guy like he was the best thing since sliced bread, calls him “larger than life” and always describes him in the most idealistic terms, while to other people who knew him, he was nothing more than a drunken, drug addicted shady character and a low life scumbum.

        That’s just one more thing I have a hard time getting my mind around. It seems that borderlines have no use for kind, caring, loving, healthy men. They devalue and discard healthy men and run into the arms of “players” and abusers, oftentimes before they’ve even terminated the relationship with the unsuspecting partner.

        She pulled the same stunt on her second husband, whom I know, and he’s a genuinely nice person. She had an affair on him, and, of course, she blamed it on him! It was HIS fault that she had an affiair! He made the same mistake I made. When she’d get in a snit, he’d keep quiet and leave her to her own broodings rather than engage her and have a big brawl. Therefore, it was only appropriate that she have an affair on him. It was all his fault.

        I think my “clamming up” when she got her nose out of joint with me was what upset the apple cart. I think she wanted me to challenge her, get involved in heated exchanges so she could rage at me. When I flunked that test she started lining up my replacement.

        The silent treatment and devaluation lasted about a month before she “terminated” the relationship and gave me my walking papers. I think it must have taken her that long to get another guy, a “player” lined up. I don’t expect that fling to last any length of time, then it will be on to the next guy.

        She won’t be happy until she hooks up with another abuser. After all, a black eye and a fat lip are preferable to being “ignored”, as in the way I dealt with her when she hovered around seething. Lavish them with gifts and praise or degrade them and beat the hell out of them. It’s all good.

        Any kind of attention, good or bad, is better than no attention. When they think you’re not paying sufficient attention to them, the relationship takes a turn and it’s the beginning of the end.

        As she told me numerous times, “it’s all about me”!

      • Sinn said

        Same here Howie. Mine wanted me to criticize her so she could try to pout instead of rage (they’re such loveable children AFTER they have you hooked), but I rode the waves until they calmed, then OUTSIDE crises started all over the place to attract my attention, when I simply needed a cool down from how intense we stayed. I meant, I needed the r/s to mature so I could focus more on building a future instead of showing how eternally my love AND PASSION was for her all the time. I then started studies, and that divided my time further, and she was NOT supportive…of school, yes, of that new space I needed…NO!!

        She painted and had so many talents outside of me…she NEVER had a self-soothing project during the entirety of the r/s…NONE. It revolved around me, revolving around her…but I wasn’t going to just spoil her..cause it would spoil it..and I told her so. Promises that this was going to be forever all the time…kept try to chip..and during studies, I was warned that she felt I was “slipping away from her”, cause I needed extra time to play video games (jealous over ANYTHING no involving them). It was an LDR, so I thought most of it was the lack of physical touch…..but in two times of the r/s, that object constancy shit came up: a month trip she had to India where we spoke maybe twice and she was okay with that..and the month before we broke up, where her job took her to an area w/no internet connection for a couple weeks. By the end of the second time, she had my replacement..but we were still fully in love and together until a minor argument…after a period of other minor arguments about what the job was doing to her, how much she was paid to do it and how long they made her work. Understandable…but I said she was too passive..we all are..but this was causing her a lot of emotional and physical problems. Criticism…

        Same with yours, my ex said that the arguments hurt…but the worst times I had with her was when I just ignored her…it is the weirdest thing I’ve ever dealt with. Crazier still, I ignored her to keep the r/s save, cause even as she wasn’t attacking me..she would try to crazymake and beat up on herself for attention..so that tactic failed and then all the outside problems came, lol. How do they do it?

      • Sinn said

        But mine did leave for a player…blinded completely by the pain she was causing me, and a lot of push n pull..they just kept dating..and it was a long dance of a ONE NIGHT STAND. She claimed they were in love after we’d agreed to meet for the first time in person and what may be the only time..only to have me spend thousands to fly to get snubbed, she flew back to his country and he made her into a grand Pump n Dump that she paid for, lol. It was a long journey that proved meaningless. So I simply think the trigger was the bigger commitment coming..even if it was what we BOTH always wanted and talked about…she was a hard drive and kept ALL of the minor things in her back pocket or when emotionally deregulating, they served as her rationalizaions turned delusions…masquerading as “cold feet”. But that was a long time to act as if you didn’t ever know what you were doing and you had no more obligation to this person that has bragged about his wife to be to everyone he knew. Or maybe it’s just British women, lmfao! Sorry again, everyone for the space. I fell a million times better than I did last year…to everyone else trying to get there…it doesn’t get any easier or better…time just makes it more tolerable.

  7. savorydish said

    “You see, THIS is why many borderline will hide their illness.”
    -Mina Jade

    I’m sorry. Are we suppose to be more tolerant of abusive personalities? If borderlines didn’t hide their illness, no one would touch them. They hide their illness, so they can draw you in.

    Borderlines were hiding their illness long before this blog existed. I started writing about BPD, because my ex revealed to me that she had hid her condition. I knew she wasn’t going to give me the straight answers, so I looked for it myself.

    This blog makes it harder for women like Mina Jade to hide their abusive behavior. And that is why she is so angry.

    They don’t want people to know the truth, because they’re afraid of being alone. Mina Jade has fooled herself into believing that she can lead a normal life without treatment. They all fool themselves. They believe hiding their illness is the secret to finding love.

    They wouldn’t have to hide anything if they just owned up to their disorder and sought treatment.

    • savorydish said

      Hiding their illness, let’s them move from one victim to another. After ruining me, my ex found another victim. Tricked him into marrying her, 3 months after she ruined our relationship.

      That’s like someone who knows they’re HIV positive, having sex with one partner after another. These women don’t care about anyone except themselves. They don’t care who they screw over.

      • savorydish said

        And for chrissakes, stop equating being an abusive asshole to being a minority.

      • Howie said

        savorydish,

        I think the only way to effectively deal with borderlines is to educate ourselves on their attitudes and behaviors. When we see red flags, as Jon H. recommends, “RUN AWAY” !

        Educating ourselves is something we can control as opposed to expecting or hoping that undiagnosed and even diagnosed borderlines seek treatment for their wicked ways.

        I’ve read that most borderlines never seek treatment because as far as they’re concerned, they don’t have a problem. Everyone else has a problem. Additionally, as I think you’ve pointed out, the ones who know the borderline best and may have the greatest influence on her is her own family. Of course, the Catch 22 to trying to have her family get involved in getting her help is that the cause of her condition is oftentimes rooted in her childhood and family enviornment. So, it’s rather futile to try to enlist the help of family members when they may very likely have been the perpetrators and/or enablers of the BPD woman having the condition in the first place. When the house is on fire, you don’t call on the arsonist to help put out the fire.

      • Jon H said

        “Of course, the Catch 22 to trying to have her family get involved in getting her help is that the cause of her condition is oftentimes rooted in her childhood and family enviornment.”

        99% of the time, Borderline condition is rooted in the childhood family environment. Which makes helping a Borderline even harder . . . which means RUN THE FUCK AWAY AND DON’T LOOK BACK.

      • savorydish said

        I agree with you 110%, but the call for treatment is still necessary (futile or not). The aim of this blog is to spread awareness amongst nons and borderlines. For nons, the hope is to avoid these kinds of relationships. For BPs, it is to put responsibility in their lap. Yes, the odds are they will ignore that responsibility. But the truth has a way of getting into a person’s head. There’s a reason why these ragers only last a few rounds. After the initial fight, the truth starts to sink in. They begin to realize lashing out is futile. Change is slow for borderlines, but with repeated application even they can not ignore the truth. Healthy borderlines do exist. I’ve talked to them. They’ve benefited from treatment. Why can’t others? But change has to start somewhere. Why not here?

      • savorydish said

        The point of these posts are not just to mock raging BPs like Mina Jade. That would only be abuse on our part. And these people have experienced enough abuse. That is why they are fucked up.

        The point is to force their eyes wide open. I am pointing out their faults, so they associate shame and embarrassment with bad behavior. But then we must show them that there is an alternative. We must show them that treatment, being honest and owning up to their past misdeeds are the only ways the stigma will disappear.

        I will never get involved with a woman like Mina Jade again, but it benefits us all to spread awareness amongst the BP community. BPD is a growing phenomenon that affects society as a whole, regardless of whether or not you are personally involved with a borderline. Recognizing the red flags and avoiding BPs is not enough. We must create an environment that discourages BP behavior but also supports healthy choices. This goes for BPs as well as Nons.

      • savorydish said

        We all agree that BPs are like 3 yr olds. Do you teach a child something once and then abandon all hope? No, of course not. You need to repeat your lessons until the BPs become conditioned for good behavior. Borderlines have been conditioned their whole life for abusive behavior and self-deception. Change will not happen in a matter of days. 100s of BPs read my blog everyday. I would be remiss, if I did not take advantage of that opportunity.

      • Zee said

        Savory Dish makes good points here. It’s not only about raging at Borderlines. Awareness for the greater community is key. Of course, some of our awareness-raising includes a lot of anger. And why shouldn’t it? Why shouldn’t we, as NONS, show the hurt? We’ve been in situations or relationships where our emotions meant NOTHING. When we were with Borderlines – and it was all about THEM, THEM THEM. Screw that!! Most of us tried the ‘nice’ game; it didn’t work. Now’s the time for a little 2×4 method.

        Most of the time, people only learn from pain. Borderlines SHOULD feel a little pain when the come here. They SHOULD feel shame when and if their behaviors are pointed out. That kind of shame is HEALTHY. It keeps us from doing the same shameful things over and over and over again.

        If Borderlines are unable to process this shame in a healthy way, that’s not OUR fault. We didn’t make them they way they are. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit around and watch as another unsuspecting victim gets hooked into a nightmare – not with what I know now. I’m gonna say my piece, and if anyone’s feelings are hurt, tough shit.

        Just think: if even ONE borderline comes here, gets a wake up call, and gets the right treatment . . . that could be five or ten or even fifty potential victims out there spared the insanity.of BPD. If even one or two Borderlines comes here and reads our posts and thinks, ‘Wow, I really HAVE hurt people. Look at the pain and the anger here!” we’ve done something good.

        But I am definitely NOT gonna hold my breath for that to happen. If it happens, great. My main goal is to educate NONS about BPD and hopefully save some asses out there. NONs take priority for me. BPD is treat-able, but most BPD’s are too far gone for treatment. That’s the truth of it – as I’ve been told by a shrink who worked for two years in a Borderline ward under Otto Kernberg. I got the goods straight from the horse’s mouth. 99% of the time, the best you can do with BPD is tweak it around the edges a bit; other than that, WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET. If you’re gonna have any kind of long-term relationship with a BPD, be prepared to enter caretaker mode FOREVER, ’cause that’s what your life will become. FULL recovery from BPD requires a complete, 360% change of belief system and intense behavior modification. The treatment takes an average of 4-7 years, with individual and group therapy several times a week, phone coaching, etc, etc. When your dealing with a BPD in, say, their early 30’s or older, you’re talking about DECADES of broken belief system and maladaptive behavior. It’s extremely, almost inhumanly, difficult to change that. We’re talking about a complete characterological overhaul.

        Now, if you’re a BPD who reads this, don’t be discouraged. Maybe you’re one of the few who has the BALLS and the COURAGE to face the truth and do the work. In fact, that’s my CHALLANGE. I DARE you to read this and go recover.

        Or, take the weak way out and enjoy your cats.

      • savorydish said

        You’re absolutely right, Zee.

        As survivors of BP relationships, we have every right to be angry.

        But we also need to make sure the anger doesn’t consume us. We need to find balance. BPs have a tendency to spread their rage like STDs. When you are bit by a vampire, you run the risk of turning into one. Just because some asshole took advantage of our good nature, doesn’t mean we should abandon that side of us.

        Eventually, we must find a way to leave that righteous anger behind so we can attract better people. Birds of a feather flock together. Healthy people attract other healthy people. Damaged people attract other damaged people. We have been wounded (maybe not as much as BPs). But even nons must find a way to heal. If we remain stuck in victimhood and rage, then we are no better than the borderlines we hate and we will be doomed to attract those with borderline qualities.

  8. Howie said

    savorydish,

    All I can say is, “you’re a better man than I am”.

    More power to you.

    If, while helping non’s to understand and deal with the damage done to them, you can somehow influence or persuade BPD’s to seek treatment, you’re truly seeking to address the problem from both ends. I’m all for that. I applaud you in that.

    Good for you. You are to be commended.

    • savorydish said

      Thanks Howie.
      But I’m no better than you. I just feel like nons have something to say about this matter. We have a right to say something because we lived through it.

  9. savorydish said

    Mina Jade is clueless because she has managed to hide her disease from others.

    BPD is an invisible disorder. High-functioning BPs can present themselves like respectable members of society. They can conjure up images of the girl-next-door. They can be on their best behavior in public, while silently abusing loved ones behind closed doors.

    So when others react to her like she’s ok, then she interprets that as her getting better. When in reality, she is just becoming a better actress. My ex knows this process all too well.

    She also surrounds herself with other dysfunctional types who are too messed up to know that she is messed up, so once again she feels normal.

    On top of all of this, she has managed to fool herself. She claims victory over her traumatic past, when she hasn’t even begun the recovery process. That is the sort of self-delusion that comes with BPD.

    The reason why a lot of these troubled women gravitate towards activism is because it gives them a feeling of grandeur. It pulls them out from the dumps. But this is yet another illusion. Because while they are publicly fighting for the human race, they are privately harming loved ones.

    Stephanie Hallett-Mercado and Sady Doyle know something about this act. Perhaps, someday, they will have the honesty and decency to write about it.

    • savorydish said

      By outing these borderlines, we are doing them a favor. They can no longer hide behind a wall of deception. They must confront their disorder. The stigma will not disappear until women like Mina Jade start taking responsibility for their behavior. It behooves all of us to point out borderline behavior. Sooner or later, they will realize they can no longer run and hide. We must send out the message that treatment is the only path to acceptance and tolerance.

      • Howie said

        I think this guy was onto something:

      • savorydish said

        Elvis might have been a little BP himself. BPD is very common amongst creative types.

      • savorydish said

        When we talk about BPD, we have to talk about the support system that perpetuates it. This is more than just damaged individuals. It’s a damaged environment that allows BPD to go unchecked.

        This support system includes friends and families but also extends to social networks on the internet. These networks often disguise themselves as activist orgs, but they are little more than BPD enablers in disguise. These enablers like to talk about BPs as if they are an oppressed minority. But the fact is BPD is a disorder. And disorders MUST be addressed or else it will spread like a virus. If we allow BP behavior to spread, it affects us all.

  10. Howie said

    savorydish,

    You make a good point regarding Elvis.

    He certainly had his excesses and addictions while he surrounded himself with enablers. Ultimately that cost him his life.

    Be that as it may, I think “Devil In Disguise” is a pretty good song in reference to BPD women

    • savorydish said

      I agree, the song certainly describes my borderline ex to a T:

      You look like an angel
      Walk like an angel
      Talk like an angel
      But I got wise

      You’re the devil in disguise
      Oh, yes, you are
      The devil in disguise

      You fooled me with your kisses
      You cheated and you schemed
      Heaven knows how you lied to me
      You’re not the way you seemed

      I thought that I was in heaven
      But I was sure surprised

      Heaven help me, I didn’t see
      The devil in your eyes

      • savorydish said

        Of course, these “devils in disguise” are not really devils. They’re troubled troublemakers. They’re screwed up beyond belief. But not screwed up enough to be detectable by the untrained eye. It’s not the ones with pink hair and piercings, you have to worry about. It’s the ones who look like the girl-next-door. But all you have to do is look for the trail of chaos. It always seems to follow them, no matter where they run away to.

        They swear the world is out to get them. But these are the troubled thoughts of a disordered mind. A mind conditioned by life long abuse, tends to imagine abuse that no longer exists. They are stuck in the past. They are victims of their own deception. Until they face reality, there is NO hope for recovery. The world of the borderline is steeped in half-truths, self-delusions, escapism and absurdity. The borderline in disguise is drowning in lies.

        Survivors of BPD have an obligation to tell the world about their experiences. Borderlines do the most damage when they are left to their own devices. It is our obligation to point out BPD behavior, to point out the trail of chaos. Because if we don’t, Borderlines will continue causing more trouble. As we’ve seen over and over again, this can have tragic consequences.

      • Howie said

        savorydish,

        From what I’ve read, it seems that BPD initially manifests during adolescence or early adulthood, and, left untreated, usually peaks around age 40, then levels off and subsides. It’s regarded as a “young person’s” disease.

        Is it possible that BPD can last a lifetime, well past the age of 40? My ex is significantly older than 40, yet she acts up like a BPD.

        If I were to put on my Sigmund Freud hat, I suspect she’s actually a histrionic borderline with narcissistic tendencies, much like her goofy mother, whom I suspect is HPD with NPD tendencies.

        There’s so many overlapping behaviors amongst BPD, HPD and NPD that it’s difficult to get a handle on what the primary disorder is and which disorders potentially play a secondary or augmenting role. All I know is my ex is screwed up royally. It’s like she went to the PD buffet and loaded her plate up with a heaping helping of all three disorders.

        But I’m wondering about the age thing. Is it possible to harbour BPD into one’s fifties, sixties, seventies, etc….?

      • rstolk said

        Howie, the answer is yes. BPD can exist at an older age than 40. I personally knew people who were diagnosed with BPD at age 80.

      • savorydish said

        As I understand it, BPD stays with you for life. Even people who are “recovered” will always be dealing with BPD issues. It works a lot like alcoholism. So people tend to peak around their adolescence. Young people tend to get into trouble, but young disordered people will often get into more trouble. As we all get older, we start to mellow out. But our core personality never really changes. I’ll be writing about Steve Jobs in the near future. You can spot this bell curve if you read his biography.

    • Sinn said

      Totally agree with SD on the “devil’s” not really being anything but troublemakers w/enablers and abuse fantasies and manifestations. They create the chaos they run from, running into more chaos because they are not held accountable, b/c their enablers have always been deflected to hate the actual abused party. My ex is and was a good person…shy, demure, but with a wild streak and escapism fantasies. Always trying to run away from her family….whose mother rages as well. I can tell you almost firsthand that BPD is a lifetime disorder….but i think children usually break very bad BPDers if they’re not led to hate the Non spouse (a lot of times exes), because they’re usually that mirror (good or bad) that so many enablers have failed to be to the BPDer, and they seek help.

      That’s really the long and short of it…they just never see what they’re place in the damage they cause is, so they never mount up enough stamina (even when they know they’ve caused a lot of chaos/damage) to look past the next delusion to try to self regulate. They usually apply that stamina in trying to trick the next host, drawing their power from that they’ve taken from the previous one..and the ultimate control of blackening they’ve gotten from acting as if that person was/is evil. Delusion is one helluva drug.

  11. rstolk said

    They are just nut cases! My divorce was supposed to be final Feb. 28th. I got a call from my BPD-wife last night telling my friend that the judge sent the papers back to re-submit. (Bullsh*#). That gives my nut case wife 6 more months to be on my health insurance at my cost of over $600.00/ month. She gets 200 Vicodin/month on my insurance, but would only get 30 Vicodin/month on her insurance. She works for her insurance company, and doesn’t want them to know her medical history. She is an RN taking care of patients taking 200 Vicodin per month. She also uses them for her excessive gambling sprees. Mina Jade, disordered people are just sociopathic nut cases if they don’t get help and want to get better. I would respect any disordered person who would understand they have a problem, and seriously want to seek help, and truly want the help to get better. I just had to vent because I went through hell, and wanted to celebrate having gotten rid of the devil in disguise.

    Bob

    • savorydish said

      That’s what this place is for, Bob. Vent away. We should all be glad that we are free from these devils in disguise. Even if you were abandoned by one. They did you a huge favor.

      I find it fascinating/frightening that so many BPs are able to get jobs as caretakers. My ex taught children on the side. I fear for those children. No one should trust my ex, especially children. I can only imagine the damage she could do to those poor souls.

      • rstolk said

        Thanks savory! Isn’t it amazing how they can portray themselves as inocent normal people on the outside, but become terrorists on the inside. I witnessed my sick wife turning her 13 year old daughter into a disordered individual. My terrorist wife once raged at me for not giving her any money one weekend when we were apart saying she knew she lost her money gambling, but she didn’t have a husband to bail her out. Then, I heard her daughter say in the backround: Mommy, I would give you the money if I had it not like you husband. Nice statement for a 12 year old at the time. I just said: but you make a lot more money than I. She said: Fu*# you Bobby; I knew you would say that. Unbelievable! That was a WTF moment.
        I know what everybody on this site has been through. I can definitely relate and sympathize. I’m thankful for this site because I don’t feel alone, and I gain enlightenment to carry on and take care of myself.

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