Lashing Out

November 6, 2011

The following comment was left by someone who appears to be in the active throes of BPD:

so do you just hate us all your did one person seriously F*%& you over with BPD? you have no idea what its like to live this and be like this and see how you hurt the ones you love and do it over and over again all while you try to take hold of it and fail over and over again. Your an asshole to be honest, Its a mental illness not something people like to be or do just like having depression or anxiety. you think they ask for that? whats wrong with you?

I cry and rip myself apart everyday for the things i do and say to my boyfriend. Not being able to have empathy or speaking before i think and having rage that comes from no place. I love him so much but its more of a self abusive place. and thats what you not understanding. we are not evil people ( at least im not) but i am someone with a serious mental illness who is in pain constantly. there are ways to be in a relationship with us if you know how. its about talking and communication, understanding, honesty, counseling and meds.

I dont mean to call you an asshole but all i read out of your words is not informing its hate. And it really upset me to think that i hate myself as much as i do for the way i am but someone really hates me even more for who i am.

I posted this so you can see how untreated borderlines react when confronted with the truth. I chose not to address her personally, because doing so would reward her behavior. She is lashing out/acting out because those afflicted with BPD are sensitive to criticism. Those who suffer from unimaginable pain look to spread their pain. This is how they let people know they are hurting.

They behave badly and expect their victims to stay silent. They expect ex-lovers to take their abuse and keep quiet about it. But yet they can talk endlessly about their own pain. This one is incapable of feeling empathy for others. She has admitted that much. She admits she speaks before she thinks. As she has demonstrated here.

Ex-partners of BPs have every right to speak candidly about their pain. They are survivors. Part of the healing process is expressing the anger (and hate) that comes with an abusive relationship. The truth is not pretty, but it needs to be told. But someone with a severe case of BPD will not (can not) understand that. They have a fear of being revealed. They are in too much pain to feel the pain of others.

She is right. Those with BPD are not evil and cold-hearted. They are deeply troubled. But that is not an excuse to behave the way they do. People will stop hating them when they stop behaving in abusive and manipulative ways. The stigma that surrounds BPD is their own creation. The shame this commenter feels is rooted in her past, not this blog.

 

 

20 Responses to “Lashing Out”

  1. phaedra21 said

    I am so glad I found this blog. All of the “informative” websites have the POV of the borderline. I really do not care about their suffering because they lack empathy for anyone else. The post from the BPD above is so typical. It’s never their fault; “look what they did to me”; and they remember every real or imagined slight they’ve ever had since childhood. They wallow in self-pity. Imagine the betrayal when discovering a friend has lied to you repeatedly. I didn’t know she had BPD. I had to find out from stumbling upon the truth about her violent history and a major big whopper she told me about her life as well as major withholding in other areas of her life. I didn’t know about the BPD until I discovered she had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I can understand why she would not want people to KNOW all this; but I have a right to know when my so-called friends having been lying to me about their past. My first clue should have been that she is in her 40s and I have never known her to be able to hold down a job. So Mumsy or somebody else has to keep bailing her out and bankrolling all of her expensive vacations because she just “has to get away” from it all. Well, I wish she would get away from me. Now I don’t know how to get her out of my life because I know how outraged pathological liars get when you accuse them. And I certainly wouldn’t want to confront her with any sharp knives in the room. And there is no denying any of it because certain events in her life have been a national media circus. But she has stupidly thought she could cover all of this up. By the way, there seems to be a lot of this going around, don’t you think? In terms of narcissicsm and drama queens and such self-centeredness in our society. And it’s not the first BPD liar I have known who has ruined her family. Oh, but it’s an “illness,” poor things. Others have told me not to expect any better behavior from these people, that it’s “just the way they are,” and that’s it’s unrealistic to expect them to behave like normal human beings. I’d like to hear that from a psychiatrist, please because in my opinion it’s no excuse. So who are the REAL victims here? The rest of society should be forewarned and protected. It’s scary, but They Walk Among Us. And reproduce!! Thank you so much for your valuable public service.

    • savorydish said

      Thank you for your support. And yes I agree. It does seem to be an epidemic. Like you said, they reproduce. The disorder is spread from one generation to another. And they go on to mess up other people’s lives. Creating chaos and trauma wherever they go. They say BPD is not contagious. I disagree.

      • savorydish said

        Oh but I’m the asshole for calling out their assholish behavior.

        Discrediting someone who threatens to reveal their true nature is a standard borderline defense-mechanism. Part of the reason why I allow these a-holes to vent is so others can see them in action. This is key to identifying an active borderline.

      • Zan said

        I have spoken to several therapists/psychologists about how prevalent BPD is in our society. They all said that it would not be too much to say that at least HALF of all women today (esp. those under the age of 40) have BPD or some type of personality disorder. It really is an epidemic and very few people are aware of how vast it is, and even fewer want to face it.

      • savorydish said

        Pretty scary, but I can see what they are saying. There does seem to be a growing population of angry women out there.

      • vp said

        No, they DO say it’s contagious! If you spend enough time with a person with bpd, there are many studies that show that you develop traits yourself. It’s truly “crazy making”.

      • savorydish said

        I will eventually write another post about how contagious BPD can be. Because you are very right, it is contagious. Borderlines are very good at bringing you down to their level. They don’t don’t feel worthy of you until they have reduced you to nothing. And when you give them a taste of their own medicine, they scream “victim!” Crazy making is a phrase I hear over and over again, when people talk about a borderline partner. And if you confront them with this, they will accuse you of being crazy.

  2. Zan said

    This is exactly what happened with my exBPD friend. Everything was great for the years of our friendship – I always supported her and never criticized her.

    About 6 months before the friendship ended I suspected her of having an affair with one of her neighbors. She denied it and swore nothing was going on. She knew of my concern for her, not only because one should not be fucking their married neighbors, but I knew of the years and years of severe sexual abuse in her past and after 6 months of shitty therapy she was not ready for a sexual relationship.

    Well, one day I busted her red-handed in her lies. When I confronted her on them, she lashed out. It started with silent treatment and then saying she did nothing wrong and I was the one to blame and finally if I ever tried to contact her again she’d accuse me of sexual harassment.

    This reaction was hard for me to understand at first. I expected, like a normal person, she’d admit it and apologize for lying. But that was before I knew what I know know now about borderline. She was ashamed of her whorish behavior and really ashamed of who she was as a person. So rather than admit it and confront it, it was much easier to make her best friend the enemy and throw years of friendship and sacrifice under the bus.

    Normal, sane people do not act this way. I’ve learned my lesson though and from what I’ve learned about BPD I have been able to help others. These are sick people and unless they are willing to get help, then the best idea is to stay the hell away. You will only end up hurting.

    • phaedra21 said

      I am sorry for what you went through, and thank you for sharing your story. They all seem like the same person, don’t they? Like clones. There must be a chromosone for it because they all have the same M.O. Yes, I would encourage others to stop beating their heads against the wall out of a misguided sense of loyalty, compassion or co-dependence. You know what they say about good intentions.

    • savorydish said

      Normal and healthy people do not act this way. Borderlines do. Your experience is familiar to all those who have come into contact with a borderline in hiding. And that is why it is so important to spread awareness.

  3. savorydish said

    Of course we’ve seen borderlines crying victim before. If someone criticizes their horrid behavior, they go on the defensive. They cry to elicit sympathy. And if that doesn’t work, they lash out at you. Attack your character. You’re the asshole. Not poor helpless them.

    And of course, there is always some sucker ready to rush to their rescue. Playing knight in shining armor to their damsel in distress. The enabler feeds the disease. A borderline who plays this game is a long way from getting better. Chances are they may never get better.

  4. savorydish said

    @ Avitty Mack
    If the truth bothers you so much, why read it? Why not live in denial like your other TigerDowners?

    You think you’re mad at me, but you’re actually mad at yourself. You hate the fact that you identify so strongly with the dysfunctional personalities I have presented here.

    And here you are lashing out, like the borderline gal above. Coincidence?Because like the other emotional unstable creatures, you think lashing out will solve all your problems.

    You’re just a lonely wretched soul looking for some excitement in your otherwise boring life, a troublemaker without a purpose.

  5. thewayofmyownheart said

    the lashing out…how lovely. My bff lashed out after giving me the silent treatment for 7 weeks. I stopped chasing her a long time ago, thought I was never gonna hear from her again when all of a sudden she writes me an email that is 8 miles long to accuse of every little thing I did wrong. My jaw drops when I read it. She blames me for every little thing. And then she ends the lashing out with ”that doesn’t mean we can’t even speak again”. You have got to be kidding me!!!

    You know what she says caused her to snap at me??? Disobedience. She told me to stand in the shade, but instead I disobeyed and stood in the sun.

  6. savorydish said

    @Ganbatte Sisyphus,

    Yes, you know a thing or two about self-indulgent blogs. Don’t you?

    You know what it’s like to constantly be looking for new ways to seek attention. You know all about the things I write here. Which is why you keep coming back for more. The truth is addictive that way.

    I can’t help you because you are still hiding behind a wall of sarcasm. It gets very lonely behind there. Doesn’t it?

    You think you hate me and this blog. But you actually hate yourself. You hate this blog because it reminds you of all the things you hate about yourself.

  7. savorydish said

    @Jessa

    Maybe you should focus on being a better human being. And not worry about this blog.

  8. savorydish said

    Hey Jessa,

    I have an idea- why don’t you take your own advice and “move on”.

    I just find it weird that you make yourself an authority on “moving on”, yet you keep coming back just so you can get the last word in.

    But I understand why you’re so upset. You don’t like what you see. You read this post and it reminded you that you have an ugly side. An ugly side that lashes out when someone points out that ugly side.

    But thank you for proving my point. You are a living example of everything posted here. Another person who bears a striking resemblance to a borderline. Good luck with that charming personality of yours.

    • savorydish said

      It seems Jessa’s conscience is bothering her. She, like so many others like her, think that lashing out at this blog will make her feel righteous again. She is full of self-righteousness. But this is a borderline illusion. She is compensating for low self-esteem by acting “holier than thou”.

      This blog has shown her for who she is and she doesn’t like it a bit. She thinks demonizing the other commenters here will clear her conscience. This is the fool’s game that borderline’s play. Jessa is experiencing a little cognitive dissonance. She cannot justify her horrid behavior, so she tells her critics to “move on”. We’ve seen this act before. She is not the first. She won’t be the last.

      There’s a reason why readers like Jessa are attracted to this blog even though it fills them with inexplicable rage.She recognizes her own image. Like vampires, BPs in denial smash the mirror in hopes of regaining sanity. She is covering up the evidence. But in the process, she has revealed how borderlines in denial, stay in denial.

      • savorydish said

        Such people will pose as “activists” or concerned citizens, but they are nothing more than cover up artists and enablers. They tell you to “move on”, because they can’t stand the heat of the spotlight. They pose as do-gooders but their hostility and snide comments always give them away.

  9. savorydish said

    @Avitty,
    It’s not that I’m not impressed by your awesome “flaming” abilities. A great accomplishment for sure. It’s that I am amazed that you don’t see the irony of this situation.

    Here you are lashing out at me under a post that is all about borderlines lashing out. Despite your desperate attempts to prove my blog has no effect on you, here you are begging for attention.

    You say I should get over my girlfriend but you’ve been loitering here for over a year, still trying to score an internet victory. Be careful when you utter the words “loser” because you might very well be speaking about yourself.

    Projection is a common tactic used by untreated borderlines who don’t want to take a long look at themselves. But you’ve been reading my blog for a year, you should already know that. I’m afraid you have all the signs of a raging borderline. And no amount of flaming can change that.

    Happy New Years my angry friend.

  10. pj said

    so true these bpd vampires are great at blaming others

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