Lashing Out

November 6, 2011

The following comment was left by someone who appears to be in the active throes of BPD:

so do you just hate us all your did one person seriously F*%& you over with BPD? you have no idea what its like to live this and be like this and see how you hurt the ones you love and do it over and over again all while you try to take hold of it and fail over and over again. Your an asshole to be honest, Its a mental illness not something people like to be or do just like having depression or anxiety. you think they ask for that? whats wrong with you?

I cry and rip myself apart everyday for the things i do and say to my boyfriend. Not being able to have empathy or speaking before i think and having rage that comes from no place. I love him so much but its more of a self abusive place. and thats what you not understanding. we are not evil people ( at least im not) but i am someone with a serious mental illness who is in pain constantly. there are ways to be in a relationship with us if you know how. its about talking and communication, understanding, honesty, counseling and meds.

I dont mean to call you an asshole but all i read out of your words is not informing its hate. And it really upset me to think that i hate myself as much as i do for the way i am but someone really hates me even more for who i am.

I posted this so you can see how untreated borderlines react when confronted with the truth. I chose not to address her personally, because doing so would reward her behavior. She is lashing out/acting out because those afflicted with BPD are sensitive to criticism. Those who suffer from unimaginable pain look to spread their pain. This is how they let people know they are hurting.

They behave badly and expect their victims to stay silent. They expect ex-lovers to take their abuse and keep quiet about it. But yet they can talk endlessly about their own pain. This one is incapable of feeling empathy for others. She has admitted that much. She admits she speaks before she thinks. As she has demonstrated here.

Ex-partners of BPs have every right to speak candidly about their pain. They are survivors. Part of the healing process is expressing the anger (and hate) that comes with an abusive relationship. The truth is not pretty, but it needs to be told. But someone with a severe case of BPD will not (can not) understand that. They have a fear of being revealed. They are in too much pain to feel the pain of others.

She is right. Those with BPD are not evil and cold-hearted. They are deeply troubled. But that is not an excuse to behave the way they do. People will stop hating them when they stop behaving in abusive and manipulative ways. The stigma that surrounds BPD is their own creation. The shame this commenter feels is rooted in her past, not this blog.