Putting an End to Slut Shaming

September 25, 2011

There was a time when feminists fought for suffrage and equality. Those days are long gone. These days, the feminist hot topic is slut-shaming. It seems feminists believe that sluts are not getting the respect they deserve. Feminist would have society raise them on a pedestal and throw flowers at their feet. To this small group of dedicated activists, sluts are to be celebrated with pride parades that take up whole cities. They are to be worshiped as martyr-saints. Forget those starving children in Africa, sluts know the true meaning of suffering.

So in an effort to put an end to this dreaded label, I have decided to offer a few suggestions:

  1. Raise awareness about alcoholism. You don’t have to be an addiction specialist to figure out that drinking and casual sex go hand in hand. Women who are labeled sluts usually have a psychological and physiological addiction to both alcohol and sex. But the amount of alcohol consumed is not as important as the effect that alcohol has on you. Most people can handle their alcohol. Some people can not. It does not matter if you consider yourself a casual drinker. If you react badly to alcohol (that is- alcohol makes you do things you later regret), you must stop drinking immediately. If you drink so much you can’t remember if you gave consent for sex, that is a serious serious problem. But hey, if you can live with drinking up a storm and having copious amounts of sex, then more power to you. Have at it. Just make sure the boys are wearing condoms. If this behavior is leaving you with crippling lifelong shame then you need to sign up for AA.
  2. Address personal issues. Alcoholism is just the tip of the iceberg. Alcoholism is just a symptom of a much deeper problem. Alcoholism does run in the family but it is also a sign that the person in question is dealing with some serious emotional issues. Issues like depression and low self-esteem lead to indiscriminate drinking and sex. Women who can’t control their alcohol or sexual impulses are women who are trying to cover up emotional scars. (Yes, this applies to men as well.) Address these personal issues and the slut shaming will magically disappear. Cleaning up your life starts with addressing your past.
  3. Acknowledge personality disorders. If someone has been labeled a slut, I guarantee you there is a history of questionable behavior (sex being just one of them). And this almost always points to the presence of PDs. If there is one topic that makes feminists and advocates squirm, it’s personality disorders. If you post a comment at Ms. magazine regarding such a topic, it will be deleted or remain un-posted. Personality disorders are real. Congress has already declared May to be BPD Awareness Month. Everyone from mental health professionals to lawmakers have addressed this issue. Why do feminists shy away? Why do they cry “victim blaming” when someone suggests these issues must be resolved?
  4. Acknowledge childhood abuse. Where there is alcoholism and PDs there is usually a history of childhood abuse. If you are talking about uncontrollable sexual impulses, you are looking at the very real possibility of childhood sexual abuse. BPD is usually triggered by a traumatic event that happened at the age of 3. At this age, it is likely the person was too young to remember or process the event. It is also very likely that they have suppressed the memories because they were too troubling. The first thing addiction specialists look for when treating an alcoholic/sexaholic is a history of childhood abuse.
  5. Acknowledge the Shame. Feminists would have these women believe that these feelings of shame originate from other women or society at large. Not so. People who are obsessed with shame have lived with it their whole life (childhood sexual abuse). That shame causes the person to act in ways that creates more shame. People who live with shame have low self-esteem and weak boundaries. They sleep with other girl’s boyfriends. They cheat on their own boyfriends. This kind of behavior elicits a negative response from all parties involved. Shame being one of the responses.
  6. Treatment. No amount of awareness or acknowledgment will help if you don’t seek treatment. You don’t have to live with shame. But if you won’t acknowledge the bigger issues and you won’t seek treatment, then you are condemning yourself to live with shame for the rest of your life. It doesn’t matter how many petitions you sign or how many Slut Walks you attend, you can not dictate what other people say about you. You can not control their thoughts or their actions. You can only control yours. Stop trying to change others. The change starts with you.

Sex is not the problem. Even copious amounts of sex is not the problem. Sex is good. And healthy women and men should be able to engage in it without emotional repercussions. Women should be able to wear short shorts, tube tops and mini skirts without having to feel shame or without having other women whisper about them behind their backs. But this is not the problem.

The problems arise when people can not control their impulses. When their impulses destroy relationships and erodes trust then it becomes a problem. And it is then, we must get to the root of the problem. Slut-shaming is not a problem. Sexual addiction is a problem. When you can’t stop, that’s a problem. Slut-shaming is a fantastical construct of a mind unwilling to address deeper personal issues. It is a conspiracy theory at best.

Obsessing about slut-shaming is a form of narcissism and paranoia, because it assumes that people have nothing better to do than to make your life miserable. It is an attempt to blame others for YOUR problems. It is a form of arrogance, because it assumes that the whole world needs to change to meet your impossible emotional needs.

The simpler solution would be for you to take personal responsibility for your own issues. If this smells like common sense, it’s because it is. If you are fighting the urge to shout “victim blaming” then you need to consider another addiction- the addiction to victimhood.

15 Responses to “Putting an End to Slut Shaming”

  1. savorydish said

    People who have addictive personalities have all sorts of addictions- sex being one of them. The problem is these people are not in control. Their behavior is causing them harm and misery. Their behavior is causing harm to others as well.

    Their addictions are controlling them. Their emotional pain is dictating their behavior. They are using their addictions to self-medicate. But addictions can only soothe so much pain. When an addiction fails to soothe pain, the addictive personality increases their dosage- They drink more. They have more sex. They create more drama.

    In effect, they are causing more problems. They are engaging in behavior that demonizes themselves. They are engaging in self-destructive behavior and taking other people with them. They are making their problems worse. They are making everyone around them miserable.

    Slut walks and signing petitions do not begin to address the issues that these people have.

  2. savorydish said

    For a healthy person sex means pleasure. For an unhealthy person, sex means pleasure mixed with pain.

    For these troubled souls, shame is inextricably linked with sex. The person who experiences this shame can not deal with the pain, so they project. They spread the shame. They accuse society of shaming them.

    For these people, sex can trigger memories of past sexual assault. From this dynamic arises false allegations of rape. When a person can’t remember if they gave consent, it is easy for them to assume they were raped because the memory of sexual assault has been with them for life, stored away so that person can continue living.

    This troubled person has been living with the shame of sexual assault her whole life. If she has a history of wrist-cutting it is a sign that she is in a world of pain and she is willing to go to any extreme for relief. She is more than happy to unload that pain onto someone else.

    Past memories of sexual assault are now brought to the present. Such memories are often too much to bear. So in an effort to curb the pain, both blame and shame are passed onto another.

  3. savorydish said

    Women who are labeled sluts have weak boundaries. Women who have weak boundaries come from families with weak boundaries. Families with weak boundaries engage in shameful activities. This is fertile grounds for sexual abuse. Denial is a sign that the person is not yet willing to examine this past.

    If you want to know why these women are so busy condemning society, it’s because they are trying to avoid examining their tragic past. If they protest too much, it’s because they are trying to shift the focus to someplace less painful. Placing the blame on society takes the focus off their shameful past.

  4. savorydish said

    If you are in a relationship with someone who is obsessed with slut-shaming, then you are in a relationship with a person who is not ready to get healthy. They are addicted to victimhood.

    They are telling you that they are not yet ready to take responsibility for their own happiness. By staying in the relationship, you are feeding their addiction. You are a co-dependent and an enabler. You are preventing them from getting better.

    The most compassionate thing you can do is to encourage them to seek help. Only a trained medical professional can help them. You can do nothing for them. If you stay, you risk your own emotional health.

    I have yet to meet an alcoholic who isn’t abusive. I have yet to meet a sex-addict who hasn’t emotionally harmed a love one. And anybody who tells you different is covering their own ass. Years of treatment is the only way you can be sure an addict will not abuse your trust, and even that is not a guarantee.

    • savorydish said

      A woman who is not concerned about her own well-being is not very likely to be concerned about yours. Consider this fact, before you decide to stay in a dysfunctional relationship with an addictive personality.

      • savorydish said

        Words like “rape”, “victim blaming” and “slut shaming” are highly charged with emotions. The women who use these words are well aware of this fact. They use these words to draw attention. They use it to elicit sympathy. And they use it to take the shame off themselves and put it on you. When you point the finger at someone who behaves badly, they always find a way to point the finger back at you. The use of the highly charged words is a sign that these women will do anything to avoid confronting their own issues.

  5. savorydish said

    http://garlandgrey.com/post/10627846744/ladyatheist-lovexzoeie-fuck-the-system-wall

    Just another example of how false accusations and baiting are used as a weapon. Notice how eager untreated drama addicts are to play victim. Here we have a cop restraining a woman who is resisting arrest. When he accidentally touches her breast, they shout “sexual assault”!

    • savorydish said

      There is a pattern of irrational people over-reacting to situations. Jumping to conclusions and making wild accusations. This is a sign of a traumatized mind. Beware of those who cry wolf.

      • savorydish said

        Troublemakers causing trouble and then reacting with histrionics. It’s a familiar scene with these attention-whores. They beg for trouble and then they scream “bloody murder” when they get it. I wish we could ship these troublemakers to a penal colony far far away where they can no longer cause any trouble.

      • savorydish said

        Some of you might have noticed that survivors of rape/sexual assault bear a striking resemblance to untreated borderlines. That is because they are all shades of the same color. That color being PTSD. Compared to borderlines, survivors seem to display more hostility and rage. There are two likely explanations here. Either rape causes more intense trauma. Or we are witnessing an acute form of BPD. So acute, the borderline will do anything to avoid abandonment, including making up a story about being raped to prevent people from abandoning him/her.

      • savorydish said

        Disordered people often tell sob stories to gain sympathy and attention. This makes it harder for people to reject them or abandon them.

      • savorydish said

        Regardless of whether or not their allegations of rape are true or not. A person has to be pretty screwed up to make up such a false allegation. This indicates that this person was probably victimized at one time. Probably when they were too young to remember. Children who were sexually abused will replay the drama their past. They are very likely to be re-victimized. There is also the possibility that they are fabricating a story that echoes the abuse they suffered as a child.

      • savorydish said

        These troubled souls are basically advertising the fact they are dealing with some hardcore shame. The kind of shame that literally drives a person crazy. Clearly they have been traumatized at some point in their lives. But rather than seek treatment for their trauma. They expect society to bend their values to accommodate their dysfunctional behavior. To give them the self-esteem they never had.

        That girls in the photo can shout all she want. Nobody is listening. And nothing will change until she changes.

  6. savorydish said

    Like I said, sex is good. People should have as much sex as possible. The problem is these women have a troubled relationship with sex. It is causing them shame. THEY (not society) are projecting the image of being a slut. Because they think it is the only way they can get attention.

    They are starved for attention (see photo) Their attitudes about sex reflect their self-destructive nature. They are lashing out at society to avoid dealing with their personal issues.

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