Child’s Play

September 16, 2011

Recently, Sady Doyle got upset because I called her a little girl. But there is no better way to describe someone who demonstrates childish behavior. Some have hypothesized that those with HPD/BPD are actually people who were so traumatized at a young age that their emotional development was arrested (frozen in time).

Once again, take a stroll through Tumblrdom. Notice all the grown women fawning over teen hunks. Grown women getting giddy over the latest Harry Potter movie and the latest GIF they harvested off the internet. Grown women who obsess over kitty cats and gush over their “boyfrayns”. They may sound like they are 12yr old teeny boppers but these are women in their 20s.

If Tumblr is not for you, take stroll through the psych forums. One man describes his BPD ex:

One of the things that I noticed about my BPD ex straight away was her incredible ‘child-like’ personality…at times. Usually when she wanted something from me and often when she is sad, displaying empathy for others, feeling needy and generally feeling sorry for herself. I know that BPD arrests development to the age of a 3 year old and of course the flipside to this sweetness has been her child-like tantums. It always seemed like she had two personalities: The ‘child-like’ one and the ‘normal, regular’ one, where sarcasm and impatience seem to be the order of the day.. This is a woman of considerable intellectual prowess, highly opinionated, well educated and righteous and rigid when necessary. Whether this ‘child-like’ personality was to attract/manipulate me or not I cant say. But her voice would completely change into a ‘cutesy’ child-like one, high pitched and with an innocent, childish quality.

This man is describing my borderline ex to a T. As Sady was quick to note, borderlines can be very educated, very smart. BPD does not retard intellectual development. In fact, because of their emotional handicaps, they are likely to excel in academics and their professional life. It is their personal life (their emotional life) where they fall down. Women like Sady, are little girls in the bodies of adult women. The description above goes on:

She also displays incredible child-like wonder about the world around her, which was incredibly attractive to me. When we spent time together, even just walking around was always thrilling and interesting. I must say, I can often have childlike wonder and curiosity about the world around me so maybe this was partly projected. I rarely saw her behave this way with friends of hers, unless it was in a needy, ‘everything is wrong’ kind of way, and even then, only to her closest friend (a male, whom she once confided to me that she had wanted to have a relationship with, and they once had sex together…)

She has a 6 year old son and once told me that she had decided to have a baby to replace the childhood she never really had, like a return to innocence and a ‘safe’ life partner. She LOVES kids movies and cartoons and childish, naive music and art, bright ‘happy’ colors and has said before that one of the validations of music/art is that ‘a child should be able to this’. One of the most fascinating things to me and one of the most unique points about her is this ability to ‘morph’ into a child…

…it was definitely something that kept me ‘hooked’ to her, although admittedly, I found it rather strange to begin with.

The childish quality is disarming and charming at times. Especially, when they are trying to manipulate someone. But what the guy above may or may not know is part of this attraction is based on co-dependency. He is looking for someone to take care of.

The problem is an adult who needs to be taken care of is a person who can not act like a responsible adult. Ultimately, these relationships fail because a relationship requires the maturity to handle the ups and downs. If one person is throwing tantrums and acting impulsively (ie. having sex with male friends), that relationship is doomed.

A child who behaves badly doesn’t know why the adult is upset with them. And if they get caught, they are likely to make up a fantastical lie or deny they did it. An adult has to explain to the child what they did wrong. The child needs boundaries. Children must be shown there are consequences to their actions or they will think that they can behave any way they want. A person who suffers from arrested emotional development behaves like a child.

4 Responses to “Child’s Play”

  1. savorydish said

    I know some of you don’t approve of outing BPD folk. But if you don’t call them out, how will they know they are behaving badly?

    Their dysfunctional families won’t tell them so. Their co-dependent partners won’t straighten them out. Their enabling friends won’t steer them straight.

    Somebody has to say something. How is the borderline going to get better, if they don’t know that something is seriously wrong with them?

  2. savorydish said

    But if Sady is sooo educated, how come she doesn’t know any of this???

    The reason is denial. Histrionics are able to construct their own reality despite the mountain of evidence that proves they are not right in the head.

  3. savorydish said

    It’s a little disingenuous for Sady Doyle to attack people for infantilism, when her own followers clearly demonstrate signs of arrested development. It shows you how delusional she is aka projection.

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