Where Have All the Angry Activists Gone?

July 12, 2011


You know… the champions of untreated survivors. The vanguards of BPD-like behavior. The high-priestesses of histrionics. Where are they now?

Remember Stephanie Hallett of Ms. Magazine? The one who started the Great Blog War between Savory Dish and the Hordes of TigerBeatdown. It seems her career in defending questionable women has abruptly ended. Did she go under cover? Or did she run away? Did things get a little too… um… crazy?

Perhaps Ms. Stephanie is tired of pointing fingers at others. Tired of fighting to re-write her sordid past. Tired of placing blame somewhere else. Tired of manufacturing chaos, misinformation and distractions. Tired of covering up her shame. Tired of recruiting proxies to fight her battles. One can only hope she has taken time off to work on Stephanie.

And what of our dear Shady McDoyle? She seems to have disappeared off the face of Tumblrdom. Have we seen a change of heart? Is she done recruiting the troubled and naive to her bogus causes? Is she done using the blogosphere to compensate for her low self-esteem? Am I too bold to think that Shady has developed a conscience? Has she realized that acting out will not mend her wounds or change her traumatic past? One can only hope.

And then there’s Garland. Still riding out his Tumblr addiction. But focusing more on changing himself. A much more reasonable goal than trying to change the world. Wouldn’t you say? Perhaps he is slowly realizing that the struggle to change his own life is more noble than the charade for social justice. He still has that unquenchable need for attention. But maybe he’s decided to set a better example for all the little Garlands out there. Perhaps some day he will write that Great American Novel.

And then, of course, we have the Lesser Ones. The Angry Offspring of Tigerbeatdown. Miss Lex, for instance, has given up her “shitass lesbian rage” for a kinder gentler blog filled with adorable cat pics and amusing gifs. The infamous Qbert is not so infamous these days. She too has chosen a quiet lifestyle of self-reflection. And what happened to our little sprite, Avitty of Lancashire? She is no longer issuing death threats on the internet. Has she seen the error of her ways? One can only hope.

Are we seeing an end to an era? An era where the fight for social change is being lead by the emotionally damaged. An era where acting out (ie. acting like an unhinged bitch) is the cool thing to do? Are we seeing an end to all the high-drama? Those who “trolled for social justice” and over-indulged in calling people out got a taste of their own medicine. It’s safe to say they did not care for the taste. Have they learned their lesson?

It’s been exactly a year now since I started writing about the terrible effects of BPD. Have people, who bear a striking resemblance to borderlines, finally accepted the fact that they are the children of trauma? Do they finally see their pattern of disruptive and self-destructive behavior? Do they now realize that THEY are the source of their shame? Will they stop abusing the victim card and using it as a free pass to behave badly? Have we all learned the cost of untreated trauma?

My dearly-departed borderline ex once promised to change for me. She failed to keep that promise. She failed because she was putting on an act for me. Or rather an act for her benefit, her selfish needs and her irrational fears. More manipulations and lies to keep me from abandoning her. Buying time, so she could find a replacement. One who would be much easier to fool.

My borderline ex could not change her bad habits or her embarrassing ways but yet she launched a career to change the world. Perhaps she has finally seen the irony of this folly. She demanded that the world change, but yet she remained the same. She has failed to hold herself accountable for her questionable behavior. And thus failed to hold herself up to her own standards.

But that was then. Where is she now? Has she stopped living a lie? Has she come to terms with her condition? Does she now acknowledge the pain life-long trauma has caused her? Will she acknowledge the pain she has caused others? Has she traded outrage and irresponsibility for a more introspective approach? Has she finally grown up? No longer daddy’s little girl. No longer acting out. No longer misplacing her rage. No longer abusing the trust of loved ones. Has she traded in the song and dance act for a real commitment towards change? One can only hope.

10 Responses to “Where Have All the Angry Activists Gone?”

  1. savorydish said

    We all make mistakes. We all have our issues. Some more than others. Some have the courage to own up to their mistakes. Some like Skye, have contacted old lovers to apologize. Some like Leah, have reached out to me to apologize. It takes a lot of courage to own up to your missteps. But I think it is the only way people can move forward and grow as human beings.

    Not everyone has this kind of courage. Some people prefer to run away from their mistakes. Start fresh and pretend it never happened. Those people find a way to bury their shame. They are good at suppressing and compartmentalizing their emotions and their past. But suppressed emotions and the past have a way of catching up to a person. A way of eating you from the inside out.

  2. savorydish said

    When I started this blog, I had no intention of confronting angry activists. But this blog has a way of attracting… how should I say?… passionate people.

    The Tigerbeatdown crew is an interesting demographic. They claim they are feminists. But they seem to have specialized in angry trauma survivors. They spend less time empowering women and more time hating the world at large (aka rape culture), more specifically men (aka the Patriarchy). Closet misandrists? Perhaps.

    Untreated trauma and uncontrolled emotions seem to be a common theme amongst this crowd. My borderline ex finds refuge amongst the Tiger masses when she is feeling persecuted or judged. Here she can feel normal. Together they braid each others hair and make everything better.

    It is a culture worth studying if you have a history of co-dependent relationships. Wandering around Tumblrdom, you catch the distinct smell of alcoholism and personality disorders. It is clear most of them have been adversely affected by trauma in one way or another.

    What’s strange is they rarely speak about these effects. They seem more concerned about changing the world, then changing themselves. They seem to believe they are perfectly fine (despite long-term traumatization). It’s the rest of the world that is crazy.

    Mostly made up of women and gay men, it should be noted they do not represent any of these groups. Most women would find it hard to identify with these extremists. They are a minority within a minority.

    If anything, they represent people who were born too sensitive for anyone’s good. They are people who most likely have been traumatized since an early age. And possibly been re-traumatized by rape during their college years.

    They live like outcasts for a reason. Not because they are edgy or too-cool-for-school. Or because they are feminists. But because untreated traumatization makes socialization difficult if not challenging. They form wagon circles for protection. Protection from a world that doesn’t understand their strange behavior.

    Some have accused me of unfairly targeting these people. But this blog is not a witch hunt. If anything, it means to clear up the mystery. To foster understanding if not tolerance. Partners should not have to tolerate abusive behavior from anyone, including people who have been abused themselves.

    As much as I’d love to portray my borderline ex as a bad person. The truth is she is just really screwed up. Sadly, screwed up people behave badly. Very badly. They hurt the ones closest to them and then walk away as if nothing ever happened.

    They fuck with people’s hearts and minds. People who once loved them despite their dysfunction. And that is the worst kind of betrayal. People like my ex would love to walk away from the scene of the crash. And never look back. But I can’t allow that. And no one else should either. Enough is enough. Now is the time to break the silence.

    • savorydish said

      We can’t force people to acknowledge the pain they have caused others. But we can make it very difficult for them to cover up the evidence. We can make them think twice about subjecting another person to their particular brand of abuse. We can encourage them to seek help.

      The angry mob has tried to shut this blog down but they failed. This should tell you how eager these people are to cover their tracks. Tracks that always lead back to them. The chaos and hostility always originate from them. Hiding the evidence helps no one. And only ensures that this cycle of abuse will go on and on.

      Silent abusers are very good a hiding evidence of their abuse. They are good at blaming their partners. Passive-aggressive abuse and emotional-abuse leaves no visible marks, but it leaves wounds that are deep and long-lasting. Awareness and visibility is the only way we can fight this kind of abuse. A passive-aggressive abuser should know the world is onto their little games. We must send out a clear message that this is ABUSE. We as ex-partners should not just “move the fuck on” as some angry protesters have suggested. It is our obligation as survivors to remember and never forget. Abuse should never be brushed under the rug. The only way we can put an end to this is by bringing attention to it.

  3. savorydish said

    The angry activists are angry because they don’t like the way the world portrays women of dubious repute. They don’t like the image they have created for themselves.

    Maybe, just maybe, if they spent more time working on themselves and less time being angry, the world would have a better opinion of them.

    Instead of telling people to shut up, they should spend more time treating their lifelong wounds. Spend less time acting out and more time healing. Less activism and more self-improvement.

    If they did that, blogs like this one would cease to exist.

  4. savorydish said

    These people were drawn to activism for the same reason. In activism, they can indulge in borderline behavior: Black and white thinking. The transfer of blame and shame. Attention-seeking. And let’s not forget delusions of victimhood. For these few, empowerment does not involve personal responsibility.

  5. savorydish said

    Self-appointed advocates defend women who have been traumatized. Their power comes from exploiting the unresolved rage of those who may or may not have been victimized. They then re-direct that rage at society.

    In other words, the unresolved rage is not only left untreated, it is rewarded. Instead of advocating self-improvement or treatment for those who have been traumatized, they fan the flames. They encourage damaged souls to act out in dysfunctional and irrational ways.

    They attack people who would dare question their character and motives. They believe it is their job to call out people. But when someone else calls them out, they shout “harassment!” and threaten legal action. Because they are always the victim, never the abuser. Such are the markings of a silent abuser.

    These are people who are abusing the victim card almost on a daily basis. They are creating drama and chaos wherever they go, because they feed off it. It gives them purpose, attention and a martyr-like status. To someone who feels empty inside, these are valuable treats. And they will do anything to get more.

  6. savorydish said

    These angry activists speak out against rape and domestic violence. But when one of their own is guilty of emotional abuse, they shut down the conversation. They write off the abuse and tell you to get over it and move on. They dismiss it as “butt-hurt”. They want to create awareness about rape. But not when it means acknowledging the fact that when rape survivors fail to seek treatment for trauma it can lead to the survivor engaging in abusive behavior.

  7. savorydish said

    So what we have here are organizations and movements lead by people who have been traumatized by rape, abuse and neglect. But while they claim to be raising awareness about such issues, they stop short of talking about the negative effect of such traumatization. They want us to believe they have suffered no ill-effects from a lifetime of abuse. How is this possible? Denial.

    • savorydish said

      The irony is that most of these angry activists are college-educated, well-read and articulate. But when it comes to their own mental health, they are completely ignorant. Their life is filled with chaos, but they assume that it’s because the world is fucked up. Not the other way around. Welcome to the world of disordered thinking.

  8. savorydish said

    I see you are still acting out. Isn’t it time to admit you have a problem and get some help? Grow up. Seriously.

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