Did Casey Anthony Get Away with Murder?

July 7, 2011

The trial is over. But so many question remain unanswered. Who killed that cute sweet innocent child? And what part did Casey play in her tragic death? Perhaps the best evidence is Casey’s own strange behavior. Behavior that I know all too well. Looking at that image above, I can’t help but be reminded of a troubled chameleon I use to know. Let’s take a look at this behavior through the eyes of Dr. Drew.

So the big question is- Was Casey telling the truth when she dropped the bomb about her father and brother sexually abusing her? At least one expert believes she is showing symptoms of sexual abuse. In her words, “Look at her (Casey). She shows no emotion at all.” Emotional detachment during times of stress is how most survivors cope with the horror of being sexually assaulted. Personally, I wasn’t surprised to hear about sexual abuse in Casey’s past. Whenever you have a person who is this fucked up, it is a clear sign that there was some form of extreme abuse or neglect in his/her past.

Dr. Drew brings up another point that I have brought up here many times- people who are victimized at a young age are often repeatedly victimized over and over again. This is why they are so screwed up- compound trauma. But what he does not mention is that people this screwed up are also prone to lies and false victimhood. This is why it is so hard to sort the lies from the truth.

Meg Strickler adds, “The whole family shows signs of being off kilter.” Dysfunctional families are where the history of abuse and victimization begin. It is also where personality disorders are formed. It makes you wonder if the parents were there in court to support their daughter. Or were they there to cover up their own tracks? Dysfunctional families are very good at hiding their dark secrets.

Strickler makes the call that Casey will eventually be acquitted. And sadly, she is right. So was this indeed just an accident? Was Casey Anthony just guilty of being an incompetent mother? Is sexual abuse an excuse for being a horrible parent and a horrible human being?

The insights by experts only leaves more questions. With someone like Casey, who is so good at lying, it’s hard to know what’s true. There’s a chance Casey is so screwed up, she doesn’t even know what the truth is. So what happens when someone is caught lying? They often go into hiding. They run away and change their identity. The shame is too much to bear. This is especially true for survivors. Surviving is their priority. This next video features an expert in lying, she also talks about the liar’s need to hide.

But it’s not just the experts offering speculation. There’s plenty of armchair analysis going on out there.

This observation was obviously made before the revelation of sexual abuse. I have personally seen how survivors react to stress. I have seen PTSD with my own eyes. And I can tell you it is entirely possible for someone, who has experienced a severely traumatic event, to block out emotions during another traumatic event. It’s called dissociation. It’s why a survivor can act cold and callous after hurting someone. It’s why they can be seen laughing and partying it up days after the death of their child.

I have personally experienced someone screwing me over and then, days later, acting like they are having the time of their life (bella vita). It’s hard to believe, but this kind cold-hearted behavior is a survival skill for some survivors. Escapism gets them through the pain.

When someone is constantly experiencing feelings of emptiness and boredom, they might create chaos just for excitement. It is quite possible that Casey enjoyed the media circus surrounding her case. She probably reveled in her own celebrityhood. It’s a sickening thought. But then again, she is obviously very sick.

Casey Anthony does indeed show signs of NPD, BPD and possibly Antisocial PD. But I would not rule out PTSD. PTSD is often co-morbid with BPD. This observer has brought up some classic NPD symptoms that we can all look out for.

When you criticize someone and they go absolutely ballistic on you, that’s a sign of someone who has a fragile sense of self. For these damaged souls, shame easily turns to rage. Narcissists are not just guilty of excessive self-love. In fact, they often have very low self-esteem. Any self-aggrandizement on their part is compensation for what they feel they lack.

The most important thing to note is that narcissists take advantage of other people. And yes, this can cross over into antisocial behavior. They exploit and manipulate others with ease. They abuse the law and they abuse the good nature of those around them to get what they want. They can be excessively brutal and ruthless. And sometimes heartless. They disregard the feelings of others and have very little empathy.

Selfishness is a core characteristic of a narcissist. It’s all about their needs and their pain. And you are just a vehicle to get where they want to go. And if you are no longer useful, then you will be discarded. If you stand in their way, you will be pushed aside.

But is Casey Anthony capable of murder? Does being a narcissistic borderline mean you are capable of killing another human being? It’s hard to say. Bear in mind, a narcissistic borderline needs a lot of attention. And they will do anything to get it.

Even the love of a child is not enough. It would not be unusual for this kind of person to see a child as a barrier between her and the adoration of the world. It was said that Casey often felt like her family loved Caylee more than her. Was she jealous to the extent that only borderlines can be jealous? Was she afraid loved ones would choose Caylee over her? Did she fear abandonment so much that she did the unthinkable?

Or was this just a case of extreme negligence? Narcissists are so self-absorbed they can not care for another. At times, they are experiencing so much internal pain it is impossible for them to feel the pain of others. As Dr. Drew has noted, people like Casey are like vortexes. Sucking people into their drama and tragedy.

Bad things happen to those who get sucked in. Death and mayhem are not uncommon in the world of trauma-related personality disorders. Little Caylee may very well have been another casualty of this upside down world. Little children can’t fight back. They can’t understand why people do horrid things. They are completely innocent and therefore completely vulnerable.

BPD, NPD, PTSD- All these disorders are very similar. They are often co-morbid and are all variations of trauma-related disorders. The strange behavior of Casey Anthony is a result of deep psychological injuries. Injuries that often go unnoticed until the unspeakable happens. Anybody who has experienced any type of trauma will show some if not all of these symptoms. The greater the trauma, the greater the psychological disturbance.

But are they capable of murder? I’m not sure about that. But I am sure they are capable of causing great pain for loved ones. I am sure that when trauma is unchecked (without treatment), a person goes from bad to worse. Their lives will always be filled with questionable behavior and questionable scenarios. Their misery will often become the misery of others. The cycle perpetuates itself until society says- enough is enough.

40 Responses to “Did Casey Anthony Get Away with Murder?”

  1. savorydish said

    What we see as abnormal behavior is perfectly normal for someone who has been traumatized by abuse. Their reactions might seem irrational and extreme to the rest of the world. But realize they have experienced a much harsher life. One filled with chaos and dysfunction. Their survival instincts have been heightened. They look at the world through a much darker lens.

  2. savorydish said

    Study borderline relationships and you will see a pattern emerge. A pattern where the borderline simultaneously fears abandonment and feels suffocated by an intimate relationship. They always have ambivalent feelings about intimacy.

    The borderline’s mind is being tortured by the by both the push and the pull. Eventually it will become too much to bear and they will seek immediate escape. With a romantic relationship, the escape is easy. The borderline cuts you off and runs away. With a child, it is not so easy.

    Some parents do run away. But what happens when they can’t run away? This is probably the question that was running through Casey Anthony’s mind.

  3. savorydish said

    How does a mother kill her own child? It seems like an impossible scenario. Until you consider that murder is not always pre-meditated. When a narcissistic borderline causes harm to others it is usually not out of malicious intent but out of frustration. This is a person who is designed for self-destruction and anyone in the vicinity risks being sucked into the vortex.

    Imagine a child who is caring for a hamster. This child has no idea how to care for another living being. Within weeks, the hamster dies because the child forgot to feed it or gets bored of taking care of it. The hamster dies because the child stopped caring.

    A narcissistic borderline is much like a child. They get bored and walk away from responsibility. Any person who has been abused as a child has suffered arrested emotional development. They are children in the bodies of adults.To put a child in the care of someone like this spells certain doom.

  4. savorydish said

    “Let’s consider missing Caylee Anthony. Based upon the information known to the media, some have suggested the following scenario, based upon the evidence to date, to explain the loss of young Caylee. Casey, a single parent, allegedly did not want to give birth to Caylee, but was persuaded to do so by her mother, Cindy.

    As a young mother, Casey’s desire to live out a storybook like life involving men and fun was severely hampered by having to care for Caylee. Most parents, especially young, single mothers know how time consuming child care can be, and how one can yearn for a life without the responsibilities of parenthood. Casey’s social life, i.e., her dating life was tremendously limited by her parental responsibilities.

    As an FBI profiler, I consulted on the 1994 Susan Smith case. It was Smith, then the 22-year-old mother of two young sons (ages 3 and 14 months), who wanted a relationship with a man who had no desire to take on her children. To solve her problem she had to rid herself of her children so she rolled her car, with her two young sons still strapped inside, into a local lake and then reported that her car had been carjacked with her children inside.

    Even though local authorities, during their search for the missing boys, indicated they had checked all close by bodies of water, the FBI’s Behavioral Science Unit felt that Smith had somehow “disposed” of her children, probably in some lake vs. by burning the car, etc. with the boys inside, this as the latter method would not have been consistent with Smith’s profile. Smith, who remains in prison today, suffered from a borderline personality disorder, one of four such disorders to include narcissistic, histrionic, and antisocial personality disorders.”


  5. savorydish said

    “Though not all psychology professionals agree on what exactly differentiates sociopaths from psychopaths, among those who believe each are separate disorders there is a list of definite differences. Sociopaths tend to be nervous and easily agitated. They are likely to be uneducated and live on the fringes of society, unable to hold down a steady job or stay in one place. Some sociopaths form attachments to an individual or group, though they have no regard for society in general. In the eyes of others, sociopaths appear clearly disturbed. Any crimes committed by a sociopath tend to be disorganized and spontaneous.

    Psychopaths, on the other hand, often have charming personalities. They are manipulative and easily gain people’s trust. They have learned to mimic emotion and so appear “normal” to other people. Psychopaths are often educated and hold steady jobs. Some are so good at manipulation and mimicry that they can have families and other long-term relationships without those around them ever suspecting their true nature.

    Psychopaths, when committing crimes, carefully plan out every detail and often have contingency plans in place. Because of this marked difference between the method of crimes committed by sociopaths and psychopaths, the distinction between these disorders is perhaps even more important to criminology than it is to psychology.”


  6. savorydish said

    So is Casey a borderline or a psychopath? I guess it would depend on whether or not it was pre-meditated murder. The duct tape on the mouth of Caylee could suggest that.

    But a borderline acts out in reaction to a perceived threat. A psychopath is much more cunning. They get off on hurting others. They are sadists. I don’t know if this describes Casey Anthony.

    • savorydish said

      If she did murder Caylee, I believe Casey did it to escape motherhood. Borderlines often feel suffocated by relationships. When we see Casey as a loving mother playing with her child, that’s idealization. But eventually time turns idealization to devaluation. Suddenly, the relationship becomes a burden. A borderline needs more attention than one person can give. Boredom causes a borderline to desperately seek freedom. BPD is a disorder of extremes, black and white thinking. A borderline’s reactions are always out of proportion. It is a world of perceived threats. A borderline reacts out of insecurity. Fight or flight. When borderlines hurt others, they almost immediately feel shame. This is what separates them from psychopaths. Shame that causes them to hide the evidence and suppress/compartmentalize emotions. When we see Casey partying it up, that is the latter.

  7. savorydish said

    A narcissistic borderline is good at manipulating people. They know when to play the damsel in distress/helpless waif. They are good at recruiting proxies to fight their battles. When the defense team announced that Casey had been sexually abused they were tugging on the heartstrings of the jury. And it worked.

  8. Tim said

    I originally thought Casey had BPD or was a Sociopath. I did not have all of the evidence and simply relied on random sound bytes from the media. A major mistake in this country.

    Then I watched Dr. Drew last night and her former fiance and his father were on the show. She exhibited none of these characteristics and in fact was capable of a stable and loving relationship. But, her mother more than likely has BPD or is sociopathic and her brother sounds like he may have the same or a similar disorder in addition to being a sexual predator.

    The interview provided countless facts and data points that completely subverts the image painted by the media that was intent on getting its conviction. This was all suppressed by a media with an agenda to convict her using manipulation of the facts. Watch the interview. It is very damning to the press.

    I suspect her mother or brother had something to do with the death of her daughter and her behavior was simply acting out in some attempt to be caught to end the pain she was dealing with. Pain caused by someone else in her family who is severely disturbed. Pain caused because she was covering up for someone else.

    I suspect we might eventually see another family member on trial. Chaos is causing the family to rally together in order to protect its ugly secrets and dysfunction.

    • savorydish said

      I saw that interview. And I don’t buy their take on Casey. I don’t trust anyone in that circle of friends or family. They are all different degrees of shady. They are all covering up dark secrets. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about BPD, it’s that it’s a culture- Birds of a feather flock together. Dysfunctional people seek each other out. They feed off each others dysfunction.

      I don’t buy that she is capable of a stable relationship because she is clearly a vortex of chaos (to paraphrase Dr. Drew). She was a single mother on trial for murdering her child. This is not something that happens to emotionally healthy women. She accused her father and brother of molesting her. If she is telling the truth, then it means she is dealing with the psychological damage that is the result of sexual abuse/incest. If she’s lying, that points to serious psychological issues as well. Either way, we are dealing with a profoundly damaged person. The fact that she will soon be free disturbs me. The fact that she is considering adopting another child disturbs me even more.

      No one, including Dr. Drew, can say with any certainty what is wrong with Casey Anthony. What I have posted here is pure speculation. There are no definitive answers. These are just possible scenarios. An attempt to explain the unexplainable. The human mind is a puzzle. And when you are dealing with someone who is as disturbed as Casey Anthony, it is even more puzzling.

      That’s the thing about borderline types- they are always an enigma. You don’t know whether to love them, hate them or feel sorry for them. Everything they present to the public is an illusion. Every story they tell is questionable. The reason why so many therapists avoid caring for BPD is because it is often a no-win situation. Especially when you are dealing with a borderline with narcissistic/manipulative tendencies. Not much is known about BPD. But even they know enough to avoid it like the plague for fear of being sucked into the vortex.

      As Dr. Drew noted, this is not the end of the chaos. Like OJ Simpson, she will go on causing trouble. That’s what disordered people do. This verdict will only embolden her. She will reap all sorts of benefits from this media circus she has created. Her safety is compromised, but in return she will get book deals and celebrityhood. This is how narcissistic borderlines like it. They love living on the edge. They are addicted to high-drama. As long as they are at the center of the vortex, they are relatively happy. Her need for high drama has been satiated for now. But what happens when she returns to real life? When she is no long the center of attention? She will of course look to stir up more drama. We have not heard the last of Casey Anthony. That much I know.

      • savorydish said

        Also bear in mind, that Casey Anthony is a natural born charmer. This is something narcissists, borderlines AND psychopaths share in common. They can fool most of the people, most of the time. It’s a survival skill. What these lifelong victims have learned is that victimhood (real or imagined) comes with benefits. Young women who are attractive use this to their advantage. They seek out knights in shining armor to protect them from the evil forces of the world.

        The unwitting hero does not realize, until it’s too late, that he has been sucked into the vortex. He will learn that his worst enemy is the woman he thought was a poor helpless waif. He has been suckered. I intentionally chose that photo above, because it shows the demure Casey Anthony sandwiched between her legal team, her proxies. Her ex and her father-in-law have been suckered as well. They are all pawns in her game. They (her proxies) will fight for her honor, until the day she accuses them of sexually molesting her or something to that effect. This is the game femme fatales play.

  9. savorydish said

    A mother murdering her own child sounds like an impossible scenario until you consider how badly this woman needs attention. Seeking attention (to the average person) sounds like a harmless pursuit until you realize how much damage has been done because of this hunger for attention.

    Consider how much money this trial has cost the taxpayers. Consider all the lives that have been ruined and turned upside down. An innocent child is dead.

    It has been suggested that the prosecution failed to show clear motivation for the murder. But I suggest the goal was never murder. Casey Anthony is not a psychopath in the strict definition of the word. She is not a sadist. She is a self-absorbed attention-whore. That much we can prove.

    The motivation of Casey Anthony since birth has been to seek out attention. Before this media blitz, she led a boring life. When working at Universal Studios, getting married, and having a child didn’t provide the high she needed…. when partying every night didn’t give her the rush she needed… she turned up the drama dial.

    I suggest to you that she is exactly where she wants to be- at the center of attention. Attention-whores don’t care how they get attention as long as they get it. They need attention like we need air.

    Is this desperate need for attention motivation for murder? For a rational person… NO. For someone who is as deeply troubled as Casey Anthony… anything is possible.

  10. savorydish said

    If you keep on reading Tim, you will see I have acknowledged my bitterness and my own part in the co-dependent relationships I’ve had. I don’t need you to remind me to do so. I have a right to be angry about abusive personalities and it is not your place to dismiss it. I appreciate your concern, but it is unwarranted and misdirected. No offense, but my recovery and my processing is my business. Not yours.

    I have no doubt you’ve been there and I appreciate your input. But this does not give you permission to project your experiences onto me or prescribe a solution. You are not my therapist or my guru. Please do not post in a manner that suggests you are. You are more than welcome to share your story, but you are not welcome to tell me how I should live my life. This is a violation of boundaries.

    While I certainly have my issues, they pale in comparison to the issues of a person like Casey Anthony who habitually tells lies, makes false accusations, and ruins people lives. She has been acquitted of murder, but she is far from being a victim. To suggest that she’s a victim is offensive. So, this is why I say your concern is misplaced.

    I have chosen to focus this blog on raising awareness about abusive personalities. You can call it an “obsession”, but I call it cathartic.This blog is on a mission to shatter the myth that we need to coddle the emotionally damaged. We most certainly do not. Casey Anthony and those like her are monumentally screwed up. Attention needs to be focused on them, not me.

    And if you think I am being too harsh, then I would question your views. I suggest people who make allowances for people like Casey Anthony are stuck in their own co-dependent patterns.This blog will continue to express my views on BPD. If this bothers you, then you should find another blog to read instead of telling me what I should or should not post.

    • savorydish said

      ps- if you’re wondering why I’ve trashed your comment, it’s because I have an acute sensitivity towards dismissive and controlling behavior. This is a direct result of BPD abuse. All I ask is that you respect my boundaries.

      • savorydish said

        pps- Tim, you are responsible for YOUR recovery and no one else’s. Please respect others who are recovering in their own way. And please respect their right to have a different viewpoint than yours. Quite frankly, it bothers me when people make excuses for abusive personalities. This is part of the problem. Our society enables people to commit egregious acts and then walk away without accountability. Enough is enough. The nonsense continues because WE allow it to. It will stop when we say enough is enough. Casey Anthony is NOT a victim. And anyone who would suggest that, I suspect is in the active throes of co-dependency.

        People like Casey Anthony are hoping to fool people into believing she is a victim. That’s why Jose Baez opened by accusing her father of sexual molestation. As if that is suppose to make the murder of a child understandable. Feeling sorry for people like Casey is why people like you and me end up in abusive relationships. Because we allow these people to manipulate our good nature. Part of my recovery has been to say NO MORE. No more buying into the damsel-in-distress act. No more compassion for abusive/destructive people. No more tolerance for the emotionally unstable. No more excuses for egregious behavior. NO MORE.

      • savorydish said

        ppps- To be honest, I’m always a little suspicious of people who try to change the topic or defend abusive personalities. This post is about a woman who may have gotten away with murdering her child and yet somehow you are more concerned about MY well-being? Not to mention you have rushed to her defense, suggesting she might be a patsy in some elaborate set-up scheme. This is exactly what makes co-dependents co-dependent- they make excuses for a damaged person’s bad behavior. They try to cover up the tracks of a silent abuser. They look the other way even if we’re dealing with the murder of a small child.

        As you said we both share a common history. A history of co-dependent relationships with silent abusers. Part of the problem is that people like you and me have been far too accommodating in the past. And here you are bending over backwards to defend a woman who doesn’t deserved to be defended. A woman who shows obvious signs of profound psychological issues. Ask yourself why you are trying to mitigate that fact??? You have gone so far as to suggest her mother is plotting against her. Her mother showed more emotion over Caylee’s death than Casey, and we’re to believe she killed Caylee? Tim, I think you need to spend less time psycho-analyzing me and spend more time taking a good look at your own behavior.

      • savorydish said

        I’m glad Tim has shown his disapproval. If anything it shows how difficult it can be for some to handle the truth. They either love it or hate it. Strong emotions means it’s real.


      • savorydish said

        There are some of you who may think I’m being a little too hard on Timmy. Not at all. This is exactly how you should treat someone who tries to dump their toxic waste on you. Bear in mind that Tim is a longtime victim of emotional abuse. And as such, he carries with him some emotional baggage. In this case, shame. Being a victim of silent abusers makes you a student of silent abuse. Tim is well-versed in the ways of passive-aggressive behavior. Tim thought he could dump his shame on me. He was wrong.

        He thought he could recruit others to his Casey Anthony fan club. Misery loves company. If Tim makes allowances for a person like Casey Anthony you can only imagine the abuse he allows in his own relationships. Trust me when I say you don’t want to sign up for Tim’s program.

        I know guys like Tim as well as I know women like Casey Anthony. Tim and I share similar histories. The difference is he has developed a high tolerance for bullshit. Whereas I have adopted a zero-tolerance policy. I would be remiss if I didn’t point out Tim’s passive-aggressive/co-dependent tendencies.

  11. savorydish said

    I wrote this post a while back.
    I think there are some interesting parallels that can be applied to the Casey Anthony story.

    People like Casey are con-artists. Wolves in sheep clothing. They are not what they appear to be. They work really hard to maintain a false image. Because if you saw the real person behind the facade, you’d be horrified. Trust me, I’ve been behind the curtain. By the time we realize what we’re dealing with it is usually too late. The damage has already been done.

    That is why this blog is on a mission to raise awareness and point out the telltale signs of a silent abuser. So we can catch them before they do any damage. Anyone showing these telltale signs should be judged with extreme prejudice. They are not to be trusted. As Tim said, we all have our issues, but these people have ISSUES.

    I use to think I had issues. I use to think my family was chaotic and dysfunctional. But having been exposed to their issues, I now consider myself blessed. Blessed because my problems are no where near as dramatic/tragic as theirs.

    As screwed up as I am from my borderline relationships. I know my demons are no where near as frightening as theirs. My issues are relatively manageable. Theirs are out of control. If I have an obsession, it’s to keep these people out of my life. Or at least, at a distance.

    I post with the frequency that I do to remind me of where I’ve been. Because I am determined to never go back. This blog will continue to point out patterns of abusive behaviors so that anyone can identify them immediately.

    I am unfortunate to have been conditioned my whole life to be tolerant of this type of borderline behavior. This blog is my attempt at re-writing my programming. This will take some time as I have a lifetime’s worth of bad programming to re-write.

    I want people to be angry and disgusted when they hear about stories like the Casey Anthony trial. We should all be outraged. But I fear life will go on and we’ll forget about Caylee’s tragic death. Because sadly people think moving on means forgetting past tragedies. Instead of learning from our mistakes, we’ll just bury the past.

    I fear for guys like Tim who are still rushing to rescue damsels in distress like Casey Anthony. They are still emotionally connected to these femme fatales and that means it is only a matter of time when he will find himself in another co-dependent relationship. He will find another damaged woman to fix. But he will only cause himself more damage.

    I have seen guys like Tim drop by every now and then, offering their sage advice. They find my “bitterness” towards troubled women to be alarming. They can not reconcile their own feelings. I can tell they still have unresolved (ambivalent) feelings. They are trying to sort out their confusion through me.

    They don’t know whether to be angry or sad. They are probably still blaming themselves. Or suppressing their anger, because they feel they don’t have the right to express anger at someone who has shown utter disregard for their well-being. They have been used and abused most of their life and taught to just take it. I say NO MORE.

    My anger reminds me of the damage these women have caused. It reminds me to never get involved with another nutjob again. Sadly, I have become more cynical and judgmental. But in the past, I have been far too forgiving. From now on- no more Mr. Nice Guy.

    My compassion is reserved for people who acknowledge the pain they have caused others and are seeking to make peace with the world and better themselves. For women like Casey Anthony and my borderline ex, I can only hope there is a special place in hell for them. My recovery will never include compassion for these hellbent women. And I’m OK with that.

  12. Tim said

    Sorry, I didn’t read your many remarks in the numerous posts to my comment. I don’t want to be drawn into some type of dysfunctional diatribe. The impulsivity of the more than dozen of remarks on here and similar remarks in other posts is more than a disturbing to me. I think I will leave your blog with a simple ‘good luck’ and be on my way.

    • savorydish said

      Let me get this straight- You find my remarks impulsive and disturbing, but you find Casey Anthony’s behavior perfectly acceptable??? I think it’s time you turned that judgmental finger towards yourself my friend. Perhaps you didn’t read my remarks because you don’t want to hear the truth.

      I didn’t draw you in. You came here of your own volition. The dysfunctional diatribe was all yours. I find your comments to be patronizing/passive-aggressive and your logic to be slightly twisted. Good luck to you. You’ll need it more than me.

      • savorydish said

        Tim is demonstrating the classic signs of Stockholm Syndrome. A condition in which the victim of abuse finds himself sympathizing with his abuser (and those like her), going so far as to defend their behavior. The reason why Tim refuses to read my “diatribes” is because he is not ready to accept this truth. His motivation to shut my voice down is shame. You can read more about his history of shame here: https://savorydish.wordpress.com/the-truth/

        What concerns me is that Tim displays obvious signs of passive-aggressive behavior and denial. Which means the victim has now become the abuser. Until Tim resolves these issues he is in danger of passing on the dysfunction to another.

        My reaction to him is the reaction that all people should have towards silent abusers. Make it clear to them that you are onto their game. And that you will not tolerate their bullshit. When they realize they have no control over you, they will go away.

        Tim is just one of the many people who have come here posing as a concerned citizen. They are trying to assert control over me and this blog because someone else stripped them of that control. By asserting some authority over me, he is compensating for the shame his past brings him. His patronizing tone is a mask for his own shame. Now you see how powerful shame can be.

        I’m not picking on Tim for shits and giggles. He came here with his dysfunctional game face on. So I felt it was important to call him out. It serves as an important lesson for all survivors of abusive relationships. If you’re not careful you could become the vampire.

      • savorydish said

        Let me make this clear to all “concerned citizens” out there. This blog isn’t here to make friends. I am posting the truth for those who are ready to accept it. If you choose to stay in denial, that is your own dysfunction, not mine. That is for you to deal with, not me. I know what passive-aggressive behavior looks like, so don’t bother covering up criticism/personal attacks with feigned concern. It’s disingenuous and makes you look manipulative.

        You do not have a say in what is or what is not posted here. Get that through your head. Assuming you do is a sign of controlling behavior. But more importantly, it is a sign that you are avoiding dealing with your own issues. Do not dismiss or mitigate my anger, because that will only make me more angry. Don’t bother recruiting proxies to attack me, because that will not have an effect on the content of this blog. At least, not the effect that you want. If this blog bothers you that much, then you have a right to leave and never come back.

        But you do not have the right to tell me how to live my life. Or how to run my blog. Or offer me your sage advice. I invite you to share your stories and your insight into your own life. But you are not allowed to parade around here, acting like you have all the answers when clearly you do not. If you can show me facts that contradict mine, then bring it. You are welcome to share your opinions, but that is not a free license to belittle others if they do no share your opinion.

        I have had to repeat this many times over, because people like Tim don’t want to play nice. They want to play their passive-aggressive games and then act indignant when I don’t accept such abuse. It would have been satisfactory for Tim to take ownership of his behavior, but he had to get in one last lick. He had to make it sound like I’m the one who is disturbing.

        Take a good look at Tim, he is the new face of passive-aggressive behavior.

        By his own admission, Tim has had a long history of co-dependent relationships with borderline types. By the sound of it, a longer history than mine. But he has chosen a different path. And I believe it is the wrong one. Instead of being honest with himself and others, he’s chosen to mask his shame with feigned concern and good will. When he says “good luck” it is meant as a slap across the face. Tim is demonstrating the behavior of a silent abuser. One who instigates conflict and then plays the victim. So it should not surprise you that Tim has a long history of victimization. We have seen this pattern before. Tim is continuing the cycle of abuse and denial.

      • savorydish said

        This little tiff began when I contradicted Tim. He didn’t like that, so he attacked me in his passive-aggressive “I come here in peace” manner. He believes that Casey Anthony was unfairly treated by the media. He, Casey’s ex and ex-father-in-law believe she was portrayed to be a monster. So if we are to take Tim’s view, nothing about her behavior is impulsive or disturbing. She was merely a victim of media bias.

        Now you see how people like Casey can get away with murder. These femme fatales are masters at manipulating people just like Tim. Men who are more than happy to buy their sob stories. Men who are looking to save women like Casey from big bad monsters like me. Tim is doing what I call the co-dependent dance.

        He thinks he’s recovered but he is showing signs of traumatization, more specifically Stockholm Syndrome. Enablers like Tim are part of the problem. They provide a dedicated support network for people like Casey Anthony. That is why people like Casey never seek help. They go on living a lie, because guys like Tim are there to protect their honor. Proxies don’t always have to be recruited. Sometimes they volunteer.

        I have been abandoned by my fair share of borderline types, because at some point I stopped playing their game. I called them out on their bullshit. All of them reacted with extreme hostility and ran into the arms of guys just like Tim. The sad thing is Tim knows better. But because he has been conditioned by years of abuse, he can not escape the grip of co-dependency. Until he can, he is doomed to repeat the past.

      • savorydish said

        Ever wonder why battered wives return to their abusive husbands? Ever wonder why women marry men on death row? Guys like Tim know. They’ve been there. Guys like Tim love abusive women. Women who play mind games. Women who play men. Even when they screw him over he makes excuses for them. I know. I’ve been there. When the rest of the world is portraying women like Casey Anthony as monsters, good ole Timmy is there to pick up the pieces. That’s the co-dependency dance.

        Co-dependency is an addiction. Here’s how wiki defines it:

        Codependency (or codependence, co-narcissism or inverted narcissism) is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one’s relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting one’s needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.[1] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships.[1] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, and/or control patterns.[1]

        Historically, the concept of codependence “comes directly out of Alcoholics Anonymous, part of a dawning realization that the problem was not solely the addict, but also the family and friends who constitute a network for the alcoholic.”[2] It was subsequently broadened to cover the way “that the codependent person is fixated on another person for approval, sustenance, and so on.”[2] As such, the concept overlaps with, but developed in the main independently from, the older psychoanalytic concept of the ‘passive dependent personality’ … attaching himself to a stronger personality.”[3]

        Some would retain the stricter, narrower dictionary definition of codependency, which requires one person to be physically or psychologically addicted, such as to heroin, and the second person to be psychologically dependent on that behavior.[4]

        Tim claims I’m bitter because I judge people like Casey Anthony too harshly. It never occurs to him there is a reason why she receives so much negative attention.

      • savorydish said

        But how is it that someone who seems intelligent can be duped by a person like Casey Anthony? Co-dependency has nothing to do with intelligence or lack of it. It is an addiction. Like alcoholism there are genetic factors that predisposes someone for this condition. But they were also raised to fill this role. Don’t be surprised to find an alcoholic or someone with mental issues in Tim’s family. Tim was born to fill the role of the co-dependent. So when he says I am dysfunctional he is actually projecting. He projects because the shame is too much to bear.

      • savorydish said

        There are some who say the Casey Anthony’s case was won during the jury selection. They found a jury that was sympathetic to Casey. I would not be surprised to find someone like Tim on the jury. It’s hard to believe how anyone could be sympathetic to this cold-hearted woman. But if you read more about Stockholm Syndrome, you will see why victims of lifelong abuse so often make bad choices. They’ve been brainwashed by a traumatic life. My own borderline ex accused both her parents of infidelity and traumatizing her, but somehow they have managed to keep up the appearance of being a loving family. Is it an act or is this the strange bond between abuser and victim? When abuse is this profound, it’s hard to know what is going on in their heads.

      • savorydish said

        Co-dependents in denial are no different than borderlines in denial. Shame is their common bond and the reason why they live in denial. A borderline is ashamed of the abuse they have inflicted upon another. The co-dependent is ashamed that they have allowed it to happen. Both are uncomfortable with the truth, because it is a painful reminder of the past. When someone reacts to the truth like Tim does, it is a sign that they have not yet come to terms with their past. They are trying to cover up the past. Cover up their shame. When he makes excuses for people like Casey Anthony it is a sign that he is still stuck in his old co-dependent patterns. Notice how he minimizes her egregious behavior, that is exactly what someone does when they idealize their abuser. The fog has not yet lifted for Tim.

      • savorydish said

        Yes, Tim and I both have a history of co-dependent relationships. But his behavior tells me his abuse/trauma has been much more profound. His level of denial and self-deception tells me his wounds are deep. He can not read my comments because it triggers traumatic memories. Survivors of borderline abuse are not that different from survivors of rape or sexual abuse.

  13. Tanya Sandler said

    Dear Savory Dish,
    Firstly, I am genuinely sorry about the abuse you suffered from your former partner. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2008 and, despite the common stigma, I can empathise with the pain you and so many others have endured from loving someone like me. The opinions you voice on the subject are often valid and insightful; however, they would be much easier to accept if they weren’t as hurtful.

    Of course, this is merely my opinion so you can disregard it completely, but your words – words that reach many who are as sensitive to the subject as I – have a tendency to prescribe the characteristics exhibited by some borderlines to the whole group. The way you express yourself feels like a personal attack and borders (sorry) on discrimination.

    It is understandable that your words reflect your traumatic past. But like you, I am trying to heal. I, like many other BPDs I’ve known, am not manipulative or disingenuous in expressing my emotions. I have come far in learning to cope with the burden of this disorder through constant support from my partner, my family, and the loving (believe it or not) BPD community online.

    Posts like yours are great in number and undeniably influence public perception. As a result, I often have to convince people I’m not the hateful attention-whore that they’ve been warned about by such articles, but someone who just wants to be “normal”.

    Furthermore, because of my wonky self-esteem and sensitivity to the opinion others have of me, such criticisms are great setbacks in my path to remission. I know that this is not your problem, but if you can take a moment to consider how damaging your generalisations can be, how much pain you inflict… maybe you could help very many people.

    All it would take is just some extra phrases thrown in. “I believe that…”. Or “my experience with a person with this disorder has shown…” Or even just one word: some. Too often opinions such as yours are presented not only as fact but as though each and every one of us is the abusive “Fatal Attraction” villain. Please, please do not take this as a personal attack. You are just as entitled to your point of view as I. I am merely asking a favour. I wish you all the best.

    • savorydish said

      Hi Tanya,

      Your comments are fair and your requests are totally reasonable. If you keep on reading my blog you will see that not all my posts are damning. Some are actually quite flattering. I am in full agreement with you- not all borderlines are created equal. I have made this claim many times. And I am the first one to admit that my opinion is influenced by my own experience. I apologize if my words have caused you any pain. And I will try to incorporate your suggestions where I can. Thanks for your acknowledgement and your compassion. I wish you better health.


      • Tanya Sandler said

        Frankly, I half expected you to ignore or even delete my comment. Your response is much appreciated, as is your consideration, and your willingness to accommodate my requests fills me with hope that the discrimination I face as a result of the BPD smear campaign might one day be a thing of the past. I have found that the ability to put oneself in another’s shoes, unfortunately, is rarely exhibited by those who speak out against this disorder, and severely restricted if they have personally suffered from an unhealthy relationship with a BPD. Thank you for rising above that.

      • savorydish said

        This blog is a learning experience for me as well as an opportunity for me to share. I don’t hate all people with BPD. I still continue to date women who have these traits. So I am still trying to understand the disorder as best as I can. But I have learned that those who have the strength to own their condition and their behavior, also have the strength needed to change. And that offers hope to all of us.

        Much of my blog is devoted to helping others decide if their partner is capable of change. So with that, I hope you will continue to read AND offer your side of the story. I and many others here value your opinion more than you think.


      • savorydish said

        I’ve revised the BPD page that is located at the top of the homepage. I’ve added a blurb covering generalizations and biased opinions. It also reinforces the idea that not all borderlines are of the “fatal attraction” variety. Despite what you think of this blog, it is very fair and gives people a comprehensive understanding of BPD. Stigmas arise when people don’t know all the facts. Fear comes from lack of knowledge. This blog furthers the understanding of something that is not so easily understood. I wish you well and encourage you to tell your side of the story. I don’t discriminate against people with BPD. Many BPs have posted here. Your posts were approved because you came here with kindness and understanding in your heart. That allows for civil discourse. Thank you.

      • savorydish said


        You were not the first BP to worry about the stigma surrounding BPD. But the stigma is there for a reason. In return for my consideration, I ask that you consider for a moment that the reason for this blog might have something to do with the way some borderlines treat their loved ones.

        I have no doubt that your BPD is not as severe as others, like my borderline ex. And I am sorry that people will lump you with those who have abusive tendencies. They are the reason why this blog and this stigma exists.

        I do encourage others to evaluate borderlines as individuals. I do tell them to use discretion when evaluating a borderline.

        The fight against BPD stigma starts with getting help to those who need it most. BPs like you can be a great ally in helping those with more severe cases of BPD.

        When these hard cases see the light that you see and feel the compassion that you feel, then (and only then) will we see the stigma fade.

  14. Tanya Sandler said

    Firstly, thank you for the BPD page revision; while it may not seem like much, this clarification means a lot to me. Though, after digging through the comment sections here, I must admit I am embarrassed for having been so quick to judge. Some of the posts are angry and hurtful, sure – but your actions have allowed me to suppress my indignation long enough to notice that these incendiary diatribes are far outnumbered by comments offering sympathy, advice, or just a pat on the back. You have given these people a much needed place to speak out – even if that includes BPD-bashing to bond and frustration-venting to heal – and I applaud your effort.

    I was struck by the realisation that I had seen similar sentiments expressed before – in “fight the BPD stigma” forum threads. (I guess we’re all just messed up and looking for someone who understands?)

    I also appreciate your desire to help others find the help they need. Having firsthand experienced the aftermath of untreated BPD, you have the opportunity to expose how ugly this disorder can be. Doing so not only offers a path to closure for those like you, but serves as a warning to those like me.

    That said, I am a bit concerned your blog paints a picture that discourages the acceptance of BPD specifically by those suffering from it. Your blog is one of the top results on the subject and as such might be accessed by freshly-minted BPs or someone who has yet to benefit from the diagnosis and/or treatment. When I first read (elsewhere) that BPs are meant to be manipulative and vindictive, I nearly quit therapy. The “evil waif/whore” definition never described me in the least – but it may have, had I not continued with my treatment. While I agree that the stigma exists for a reason, I think perpetuating it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    • savorydish said

      You’re very welcome.

      The reason why I encourage BPs to participate in the discussion is because I want people to have a fair and honest view of BPD. The last thing I want them to think is this is all bullshit.

      The posts and comments here may be tainted by anger but these people are experiencing real emotions. They are living proof of the pain caused by untreated BPD.

      I do not think society should accept BPD. It is after all a disorder with harmful effects. This should not be equated with discrimination. This is the rejection of abusive behavior and those who perpetuate the cycle of abuse.

      I always encourage BPs to seek treatment because the alternative is not acceptable. BPs heal through treatment and then comes acceptance by society.

      The anger you feel here is directed only at BPs who hurt loved ones without remorse and take no ownership of the harm they have done.

      Nothing makes me happier than a BP that acknowledges the truth.

  15. Tanya Sandler said

    (not meant to be a personal attack, by the way – just an observation)

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