Dr. Drew was not the only one to comment on Winehouse’s death. Val Kilmer, having played many addicts, had a few words. He made the observation that some creative people are too sensitive for this world.

If this sounds a lot like BPD, it’s for a good reason. There is speculation that Winehouse showed all the signs for BPD. Borderlines often use alcohol and drugs to self-medicate, to numb the pain. Sometimes they use it to end their life. To most, it seems like self-destructive behavior. To those who experience this much pain, it’s the only way they can cope.

Yes, they tried to make her go to rehab. But people this troubled always have excuses. Borderlines who manage to seek treatment will often quit prematurely. Instability and inconsistency is part of their nature. In the end, it is their downfall.

 

You know… the champions of untreated survivors. The vanguards of BPD-like behavior. The high-priestesses of histrionics. Where are they now?

Remember Stephanie Hallett of Ms. Magazine? The one who started the Great Blog War between Savory Dish and the Hordes of TigerBeatdown. It seems her career in defending questionable women has abruptly ended. Did she go under cover? Or did she run away? Did things get a little too… um… crazy?

Perhaps Ms. Stephanie is tired of pointing fingers at others. Tired of fighting to re-write her sordid past. Tired of placing blame somewhere else. Tired of manufacturing chaos, misinformation and distractions. Tired of covering up her shame. Tired of recruiting proxies to fight her battles. One can only hope she has taken time off to work on Stephanie.

And what of our dear Shady McDoyle? She seems to have disappeared off the face of Tumblrdom. Have we seen a change of heart? Is she done recruiting the troubled and naive to her bogus causes? Is she done using the blogosphere to compensate for her low self-esteem? Am I too bold to think that Shady has developed a conscience? Has she realized that acting out will not mend her wounds or change her traumatic past? One can only hope.

And then there’s Garland. Still riding out his Tumblr addiction. But focusing more on changing himself. A much more reasonable goal than trying to change the world. Wouldn’t you say? Perhaps he is slowly realizing that the struggle to change his own life is more noble than the charade for social justice. He still has that unquenchable need for attention. But maybe he’s decided to set a better example for all the little Garlands out there. Perhaps some day he will write that Great American Novel.

And then, of course, we have the Lesser Ones. The Angry Offspring of Tigerbeatdown. Miss Lex, for instance, has given up her “shitass lesbian rage” for a kinder gentler blog filled with adorable cat pics and amusing gifs. The infamous Qbert is not so infamous these days. She too has chosen a quiet lifestyle of self-reflection. And what happened to our little sprite, Avitty of Lancashire? She is no longer issuing death threats on the internet. Has she seen the error of her ways? One can only hope.

Are we seeing an end to an era? An era where the fight for social change is being lead by the emotionally damaged. An era where acting out (ie. acting like an unhinged bitch) is the cool thing to do? Are we seeing an end to all the high-drama? Those who “trolled for social justice” and over-indulged in calling people out got a taste of their own medicine. It’s safe to say they did not care for the taste. Have they learned their lesson?

It’s been exactly a year now since I started writing about the terrible effects of BPD. Have people, who bear a striking resemblance to borderlines, finally accepted the fact that they are the children of trauma? Do they finally see their pattern of disruptive and self-destructive behavior? Do they now realize that THEY are the source of their shame? Will they stop abusing the victim card and using it as a free pass to behave badly? Have we all learned the cost of untreated trauma?

My dearly-departed borderline ex once promised to change for me. She failed to keep that promise. She failed because she was putting on an act for me. Or rather an act for her benefit, her selfish needs and her irrational fears. More manipulations and lies to keep me from abandoning her. Buying time, so she could find a replacement. One who would be much easier to fool.

My borderline ex could not change her bad habits or her embarrassing ways but yet she launched a career to change the world. Perhaps she has finally seen the irony of this folly. She demanded that the world change, but yet she remained the same. She has failed to hold herself accountable for her questionable behavior. And thus failed to hold herself up to her own standards.

But that was then. Where is she now? Has she stopped living a lie? Has she come to terms with her condition? Does she now acknowledge the pain life-long trauma has caused her? Will she acknowledge the pain she has caused others? Has she traded outrage and irresponsibility for a more introspective approach? Has she finally grown up? No longer daddy’s little girl. No longer acting out. No longer misplacing her rage. No longer abusing the trust of loved ones. Has she traded in the song and dance act for a real commitment towards change? One can only hope.

The trial is over. But so many question remain unanswered. Who killed that cute sweet innocent child? And what part did Casey play in her tragic death? Perhaps the best evidence is Casey’s own strange behavior. Behavior that I know all too well. Looking at that image above, I can’t help but be reminded of a troubled chameleon I use to know. Let’s take a look at this behavior through the eyes of Dr. Drew.

So the big question is- Was Casey telling the truth when she dropped the bomb about her father and brother sexually abusing her? At least one expert believes she is showing symptoms of sexual abuse. In her words, “Look at her (Casey). She shows no emotion at all.” Emotional detachment during times of stress is how most survivors cope with the horror of being sexually assaulted. Personally, I wasn’t surprised to hear about sexual abuse in Casey’s past. Whenever you have a person who is this fucked up, it is a clear sign that there was some form of extreme abuse or neglect in his/her past.

Dr. Drew brings up another point that I have brought up here many times- people who are victimized at a young age are often repeatedly victimized over and over again. This is why they are so screwed up- compound trauma. But what he does not mention is that people this screwed up are also prone to lies and false victimhood. This is why it is so hard to sort the lies from the truth.

Meg Strickler adds, “The whole family shows signs of being off kilter.” Dysfunctional families are where the history of abuse and victimization begin. It is also where personality disorders are formed. It makes you wonder if the parents were there in court to support their daughter. Or were they there to cover up their own tracks? Dysfunctional families are very good at hiding their dark secrets.

Strickler makes the call that Casey will eventually be acquitted. And sadly, she is right. So was this indeed just an accident? Was Casey Anthony just guilty of being an incompetent mother? Is sexual abuse an excuse for being a horrible parent and a horrible human being?

The insights by experts only leaves more questions. With someone like Casey, who is so good at lying, it’s hard to know what’s true. There’s a chance Casey is so screwed up, she doesn’t even know what the truth is. So what happens when someone is caught lying? They often go into hiding. They run away and change their identity. The shame is too much to bear. This is especially true for survivors. Surviving is their priority. This next video features an expert in lying, she also talks about the liar’s need to hide.

But it’s not just the experts offering speculation. There’s plenty of armchair analysis going on out there.

This observation was obviously made before the revelation of sexual abuse. I have personally seen how survivors react to stress. I have seen PTSD with my own eyes. And I can tell you it is entirely possible for someone, who has experienced a severely traumatic event, to block out emotions during another traumatic event. It’s called dissociation. It’s why a survivor can act cold and callous after hurting someone. It’s why they can be seen laughing and partying it up days after the death of their child.

I have personally experienced someone screwing me over and then, days later, acting like they are having the time of their life (bella vita). It’s hard to believe, but this kind cold-hearted behavior is a survival skill for some survivors. Escapism gets them through the pain.

When someone is constantly experiencing feelings of emptiness and boredom, they might create chaos just for excitement. It is quite possible that Casey enjoyed the media circus surrounding her case. She probably reveled in her own celebrityhood. It’s a sickening thought. But then again, she is obviously very sick.

Casey Anthony does indeed show signs of NPD, BPD and possibly Antisocial PD. But I would not rule out PTSD. PTSD is often co-morbid with BPD. This observer has brought up some classic NPD symptoms that we can all look out for.

When you criticize someone and they go absolutely ballistic on you, that’s a sign of someone who has a fragile sense of self. For these damaged souls, shame easily turns to rage. Narcissists are not just guilty of excessive self-love. In fact, they often have very low self-esteem. Any self-aggrandizement on their part is compensation for what they feel they lack.

The most important thing to note is that narcissists take advantage of other people. And yes, this can cross over into antisocial behavior. They exploit and manipulate others with ease. They abuse the law and they abuse the good nature of those around them to get what they want. They can be excessively brutal and ruthless. And sometimes heartless. They disregard the feelings of others and have very little empathy.

Selfishness is a core characteristic of a narcissist. It’s all about their needs and their pain. And you are just a vehicle to get where they want to go. And if you are no longer useful, then you will be discarded. If you stand in their way, you will be pushed aside.

But is Casey Anthony capable of murder? Does being a narcissistic borderline mean you are capable of killing another human being? It’s hard to say. Bear in mind, a narcissistic borderline needs a lot of attention. And they will do anything to get it.

Even the love of a child is not enough. It would not be unusual for this kind of person to see a child as a barrier between her and the adoration of the world. It was said that Casey often felt like her family loved Caylee more than her. Was she jealous to the extent that only borderlines can be jealous? Was she afraid loved ones would choose Caylee over her? Did she fear abandonment so much that she did the unthinkable?

Or was this just a case of extreme negligence? Narcissists are so self-absorbed they can not care for another. At times, they are experiencing so much internal pain it is impossible for them to feel the pain of others. As Dr. Drew has noted, people like Casey are like vortexes. Sucking people into their drama and tragedy.

Bad things happen to those who get sucked in. Death and mayhem are not uncommon in the world of trauma-related personality disorders. Little Caylee may very well have been another casualty of this upside down world. Little children can’t fight back. They can’t understand why people do horrid things. They are completely innocent and therefore completely vulnerable.

BPD, NPD, PTSD- All these disorders are very similar. They are often co-morbid and are all variations of trauma-related disorders. The strange behavior of Casey Anthony is a result of deep psychological injuries. Injuries that often go unnoticed until the unspeakable happens. Anybody who has experienced any type of trauma will show some if not all of these symptoms. The greater the trauma, the greater the psychological disturbance.

But are they capable of murder? I’m not sure about that. But I am sure they are capable of causing great pain for loved ones. I am sure that when trauma is unchecked (without treatment), a person goes from bad to worse. Their lives will always be filled with questionable behavior and questionable scenarios. Their misery will often become the misery of others. The cycle perpetuates itself until society says- enough is enough.

trigger alert: graphic depictions of cutting.

Cartoonish Women

July 1, 2011

Does the woman, that you’re with, spend a lot of time in front of the mirror?

Does she make cartoonish facial expressions and theatrical gestures?

Are her reactions overly-dramatic (like a bad soap opera)?

Does she cry a lot to elicit sympathy or avoid blame?

Does she inappropriately flirt with everybody?

Does she enjoy playing the mother hen?

Does she tell people how to dress? How to act?

Does she have promiscuous tendencies?

When something bad/sad happens, does she act like she’s having the time of her life?

If you answered “yes” to most of these, then you’re probably in a relationship with a histrionic personality. Which means you are in a relationship with a person who has no problem using and abusing people.  This person is highly manipulative and prone to dramatization.

Take everything they say with a grain of salt, because they are habitual (if not pathological) liars. They say what they need to say to get you to do what they want you to do. They create scenarios where they are the damsel in distress, you are the knight in shining armor and someone else is the evil villain. This is a classic histrionic act. Don’t fall for it. Or you will end up feeling like a sucker. Worse yet, you might eventually become the evil villain.

Once a histrionic squeezes the life out of you, they will flush you down the toilet. Once they realize you are on to their act, they will drop you like a hot potato. They may have convinced you that they love you. But you have been duped. Histrionics are incapable of intimacy. Don’t be surprised when they act like nothing ever happened. You will say, “But but, I thought you loved me?” And they will wonder why you don’t “move the fuck on”.

Histrionics are the femme fatales that so many films have warned us about. They are the Sirens from Greek mythology and many other cautionary tales. They are damaged goods. They are great at seduction but bad at life. The glamor and the make-up are covering up a life of never-ending tragedy. If you allow them to suck you into their drama, they will take you down with them. They perform and tell stories to draw attention. Their thirst for attention is insatiable. The trick is to avert your gaze.

Living with BPD

July 1, 2011