Suicide Girls

June 29, 2011

 

7 Responses to “Suicide Girls”

  1. savorydish said

    Susanna: Declared healthy and sent back into the world. My final diagnosis: A recovered borderline. What that means, l still don’t know. Was l ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is. Crazy isn’t being broken or swallowing a dark secret. lt’s you or me, amplified. lf you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. lf you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect but they were my friends. And by the ’70s most of them were out living lives. Some l’ve seen… some, never again. But there isn’t a day my heart doesn’t find them.

    -Girl, Interrupted, 1999

  2. savorydish said

    The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flame yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don‘t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.

    —David Foster Wallace

    (via fungisbrain)

  3. savorydish said

    “It sounds to me like you need to move the fuck on with your life and stop spewing bullshit over the internet.”

    -Sinead McCarthy aka fungisbrain

    This compassionate quote from a young Tumblr lady who obsesses about suicide. The above quotes and the gif are from her site. Why is it that the people in the most amount of pain are always the quickest to tell me to get over mine?

    Is the truth too painful for these women?

    Is Sinead yet another angry cat woman who bears a striking resemblance to a borderline?

  4. savorydish said

    Suicide ideation is a borderline trait. It doesn’t always mean they will go through with it, but it does give us some indication how much pain they are experiencing. For death to become a reasonable solution, there must be a lot of suffering. The obsession with death is a mental rehearsal. They are trying it on for size, easing up to the idea.

    Sinead’s comment not only indicates the amount of internal pain she is dealing with, it also indicates how poorly she is dealing with it. For these individuals “moving the fuck on” means suppressing their pain and pretending it doesn’t exist. It means toughing it out. That only creates more pain. The cliche is “anger is sadness turned out”. This could not be more true in Sinead’s case.

  5. savorydish said

    If you haven’t noticed by now borderlines are full of contradictions. They pull you into their life like a whirlpool of drama. They seek out co-dependent types. They push for commitment. They put a spell on you to make sure you never ever leave them.

    And just when you give yourself fully, they announce that they feel suffocated. They make it sound like you are holding them against their will. They ask in chorus with their angry proxies, “Why don’t you just move the fuck on?”

    Welcome to the mind fuck that is a borderline relationship. There is no greater indication that your loved one suffers from BPD, than this particular push-pull mind game. This is the fear of being alone meets the fear of abandonment, to be followed by the fear of intimacy meets the fear of engulfment. This is an individual who is playing tug o’ war in their head and you are the rope.

  6. savorydish said

    Someone who is this self-destructive will take you down with them without effort. Make no mistake about it. Suicidal tendencies, wrist cutting, self-sabotage- these are all signs of the psychological storm that will come your way if you open the door.

    This person is not in control of their emotions. Their emotions control them and their emotions are highly unstable. This is not about malicious intent. This is about someone who is abusive by nature.

    If you meet someone like Sinead, do yourself a favor and “move the fuck on”. Don’t give them a chance to get into your head or your heart. It won’t be so easy once they have their claws into you. Once the spell of co-dependency is put on you, it will be like trying to wean yourself off a drug addiction.

    Once a borderline is consumed by the fear of abandonment, your well-being is no longer a concern. A borderline is sensitive to other people’s pain, but not when they are intimately involved. Like any addict, you will go through withdrawal symptoms. And the borderline will not be there to hold your hand.

    This is not the person you thought you fell in love with. This is a borderline on the run. This is a person who is being driven by primitive instincts.You will not know brutality until a borderline has cut you off cold-turkey. When a borderlines is consumed by the fear of abandonment, there is no room for compassion or tenderness.

  7. savorydish said

    Not all borderlines have been as dismissive as Sinead. A few like Skye, have dropped by to offer their condolences. Through self-awareness, self-education and therapy, they can now offer sympathy to ex-partners of borderlines. But when they react to this blog as Sinead has, it makes me think they are working hard to cover their abusive trail.

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