Is She Borderline?

May 26, 2011

From an article titled Warning Signs That The Woman You’re Dating May Have Borderline Personality Disorder:

1. Does she immediately open up to you about abuse in her past?
2. Does she trash her ex-boyfriend or ex-husband even before you hardly get to know her. Does she seem to go on and on about her ex and how he ruined her life?
3. Does she have an unstable relationship with her parents?
4. Does she say bad things about her parents to you?
5. Does she seem very quick to fall in love with you and almost view you as her knight in shining armor?
6. Was she quick to have sex with you?
7. Does she have a difficult time being friends with other women?
8. Does she currently only have one friend that seems to keep coming back in and out of her life or does she have no friends at all?
9. Does it seem like a lot of bad things keep happening to her? Thrown out by her boyfriend, trouble with finances, trouble keeping a job etc
10. Does she seem to have very compelling stories and reasoning that explains why the bad things have happened to her (example, her ex-boyfriend made her run up her credit card debts and that’s why her credit is bad)
11. Does she seem to want to move the relationship forward at a very quick pace?
12. She shown an interest in moving in with you?
13. Does she have screaming fits in front of you?
14. Does she start horrible yelling fights with you and when you try to leave she begs for you to stay?
15. Has she bought you extravagant gifts?
16. Is she willing to explore risky sexual behaviors?
17. Does she abuse drugs or alcohol?

I agree with the author. This is probably not someone you want to continue dating. Unless a borderline has had years of therapy it is best not to get involved. An untreated borderline can cause a lot of damage in a short period of time. If they aren’t even aware they have BPD, that is a definite no-win situation. You can not convince a borderline in denial that they have a problem. They must come to that conclusion themselves.

3 Responses to “Is She Borderline?”

  1. savorydish said

    Just a little disclaimer here:

    While I agree with the author’s overall sentiments, I wouldn’t put too much stock in each of these warning signs.

    For instance, just because someone is quick to have sex with you doesn’t mean they’re borderline. I think what the author is saying is look for a pattern of risky and impulsive behaviors that negatively impact that person’s life. And potentially yours.

    A lot of people complain about their exes. But what you are looking for is evidence of a person who is avoiding blame by playing the victim. Or looking to reel you in by making you the knight in shining armor. This person is flattering your ego for a reason.

    If the parents are abusive, then that person has every right to say bad things about their parents. But if that person is making up stories to elicit sympathy or avoid abandonment, then you are talking about a manipulative personality.

    In other words, this checklist is not fool proof. No test is. If this sounds like someone you know, it is not guaranteed they have BPD. But you might want to look into it. You might want to read up and do your own research. It is not cause for automatic withdrawal, but it is cause for concern.

    I of all people understand why you would stand by someone’s side even if they seem a little troubled. But if their behavior feels abusive then it probably is. If they are taking advantage of your good nature, that is the ultimate deal breaker. Ultimately, this is why you should leave.

    • savorydish said

      If this person tells stories of being repeatedly victimized. Whether she is making it up or not, it is a sign of profound traumatization. Either way it is cause for concern. Even someone who would lie about rape or sexual abuse is not right in the head. Most likely they were victimized at one time. All it takes is one incident to scar them for life. If left untreated this person is a risk to you and themselves.

      • savorydish said

        At first, they will seem aloof and distant. But once they fall for you, you will notice a change in personality. They will fluctuate from being head-over-heels for you to being hostile. At this point, they are no longer in control. Their erratic behavior is inextricably linked to their tragic past. You will notice a volatility to their emotions. That is a warning sign. Get out while you can. This person is filled with toxic emotions that will invariably cause you harm.

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