Has Shady Doyle Learned Nothing?

May 20, 2011

It would seem so. Same old Shady rationalizing her histrionic tendencies, portraying herself as the besieged protector of all women. Still placing more stock in feminist theory than modern medical science. Let’s get this straight- Shady and her Tiger crew do not represent women. They are self-appointed saviors for the benefit of no one else except their own suffering egos. Narcissists like Shady only care about their public image. Any advancement of womankind has been due to women like Oprah, Michelle Obama, and Hilary Clinton. Not Shady and friends. They are too busy playing the victim to advance any movement. If they represent anyone, they represent 3-5% of the population (male and female) that suffers from some sort of trauma-related personality disorder. (my apologies if this offends people with PDs)

This is her latest rant as of 5/20:

That said, no matter what you do, or how mildly you phrase an objection, some dude will invariably be all, “she’s on a rampage! She’s gone MAD! Mad with RAGE, I tell you! She is not to be trusted! Frothing at the mouth! Evil, I say, EEEEEVILLLLLL! If only the chirurgeon couldst recommend to us a remedy, for this damnable plague of hysteria in females!”

Mildy phrasing an objection? Does that sound like Shady McDoyle’s style? LOL. Either we have discovered the greatest comic in the world or this is a woman who has zero self-reflective ability. How quickly she forgot about her meltdowns and her tirades (just months ago). But maybe she forgot because she quickly deleted those posts after she realized it made her look like an unhinged bitch. But Shady thinks she can talk her way out of reality. No matter. I’m not here to prove that Shady McDoyle is an unhinged bitch. I don’t actually think she’s evil or mad. But I do think she is deeply troubled.

Allow me to recommend a remedy for her hysteria … therapy. Lot’s of it. As much as you can afford. More treatment… less Tumblr. Less internet pontification and more self-reflection. More healing of past wounds, and less chaos manufacturing. Less spreading of hate and more learning to love yourself and others. You will be surprised how much more tranquil life will be when you break the addiction to drama and stop antagonizing people. Save yourself before you attempt to save the world.

Although most of her long-winded rants are PR jobs, every once an a while it does give us more insight into such troubled minds:

I used to be very good at compartmentalizing and suppressing grief. I could decide when and how to switch off emotional pain. You could tell how serious a loss was by how unaffected and chipper I was afterward. I’d wail and overshare and write terrible poetry for six straight months over a dude I had barely even dated, but when I cut my Dad off, I cried for about thirty seconds. And that was it. Never speaking to one of my parents again; well, that was a bummer, what’s for lunch?

I’m happy that Shady has found something that she is good at, but the suppression of guilt is not a talent. It is probably the most unhealthy thing a person can do. Especially if that person has experienced lifelong trauma. When you suppress emotions, it’s like putting a lid over a violently boiling pot. Sure, at first, it seems like calm has been restored. But after a while pressure builds. Before you know it, you will have an explosion of emotions (usually at wildly inappropriate moments). And what you intended to be a mild objection, will come out like fire-vomit.

But it’s not all her fault. According to Shady, she and her mother were tormented by a borderline father. Judging by her own behavior, I am inclined to believe her. Such a story certainly earns her street cred amongst the man-hater club, but she seems to have overlooked the fact that such lifelong abuse can have an adverse effect on someone’s emotional well-being. On one hand she wants to lay claim to victimhood but yet she also wants to deny that such victimization can make a person prone to irrational thought and behavior. You can’t have it both ways, my dear Shady. Either you were traumatized or you weren’t. You can’t claim victimhood and then claim that everything is fine in Shady World. It defies logic and science. And no amount of feminist THEORY can negate logic and science.

Truthfully, I don’t really care about Shady McDoyle’s well-being. But I do care that she spreads misinformation and warps the minds of young and impressionable (sometimes traumatized) girls who are desperately looking for guidance, even misguidance. I have a problem with untreated survivors appointing themselves to positions of power, when their own lives are in disarray. I know these women well. I have been dating them my whole adult life. They are often intelligent and articulate, but they are also emotionally unstable and deeply troubled.

I have a problem with troubled women saying they represent all women.  The vast majority of women haven’t been repeatedly victimized their whole life. The majority of women haven’t been emotionally traumatized. The majority of women were not raised by a disordered parent. They keep making this a gender issue (Us vs Them) as if aligning themselves with the rest of the female population will give them legitimacy. But this is not a gender issue. It is a mental health issue. It affects both men and women. Shady’s father was an abusive borderline. But are we to believe that this abuse had no lasting effect on his daughter? I find this hard to believe.

So why has Shady Doyle learned so little? She seems relatively intelligent. Realize books smarts does not equal life smarts. Yes, life is less scary when you are hiding behind a book but unfortunately it also keeps you in isolation. And without the feedback of the outside world, you start to lose a sense of who you really are.

Fighting for social justice is commendable, except when it is used by troubled souls to distract them from addressing personal health issues. That is they would rather indulge in thoughts of “rape culture” and “misogyny” than advance their own self-awareness. They would rather sit around in tight circles and discuss how the Patriarchy is plotting their demise, than accept personal responsibility for their well-being.

If you haven’t noticed, their view of the world is pretty twisted. Twisted by an abusive parent. Twisted by sexual abuse. Twisted by a tragic life. As much as women like Shady and my Ex would like to convince the world that their perception of the world (their theory) is reality. It is not. It is THEIR reality. It is the reality of a trauma survivor. And if you’ve done your reading, you will know that survivors often detach from reality in order to survive. So, in fact, it is not reality at all.

Denial and Avoidance. These are the reasons why people like Shady never learn. The demons from their past are locked away because they are too frightening to confront. Self-improvement would require her to unlock that door to her past. And women like Shady, like my borderline ex, are too afraid to open that door. Fear is a powerful emotion. And when we allow it to dictate our behavior, bad things happen. Fear brings out the worst in us. But for some people, fear rules their lives. Unfortunately, it also ruins lives.

15 Responses to “Has Shady Doyle Learned Nothing?”

  1. savorydish said

    On another note, I am glad to see that Garland has shifted his focus from activism towards self-improvement. Maybe it’s not as glamorous, but it certainly is more honest.

  2. savorydish said

    The tendency for troubled souls is to reach for things that seem grandiose. So it is always refreshing when I see the Tumblrites address personal issues. Not that activism isn’t important. It certainly is. But when someone is falling apart at the seams, it’s ridiculous for them to act like they should be running the world.

  3. savorydish said

    It is not uncommon for women who allege rape to have a history of mental illness in the family, not to mention alcoholism. As feminists, Shady and my Ex, not only fail to connect the dots, they are actively campaigning to sever the connection between PDs and rape. But in essence they are burying the evidence. They are turning a blind eye to what most mental health professionals have observed as fact. This is not “blaming the victim”, this is acknowledging a serious condition with tragic consequences.

  4. savorydish said

    Intimacy is impossible with someone who has suppressed emotions. Especially if there was childhood abuse in their past. Half the time they will be numb and the other half they will be releasing wildly disproportionate and inappropriate rage. Intimacy is a trigger to past sadness and anger.

    You will wonder why things suddenly go south when it seemed like it was going so well. This is not your imagination. This is a person who associates fear with intimacy. Intimacy triggers either a fight or flight response.

  5. savorydish said

    Often these people will either seem fake or really uptight. That’s the sign of a person who is constantly trying to contain their emotions and put up a facade.

    You do not want to be around this person when they get angry, because all that rage they have suppressed will come out at once. All that rage from their childhood will be directed at whomever happens to be there at the wrong place and time. This misdirected rage is why borderline relationships end so abruptly. Why lovers turn into enemies.

  6. savorydish said

    The other danger of suppressing emotions is the illusion that everything is OK. Just because you can’t see the damage, doesn’t mean it’s not there. Emotional damage can have a cumulative effect when it is left untreated. Eventually you have a person who is a ticking time bomb.

    Young borderlines who can’t cope cut their wrists. Slightly older borderlines dump their toxic waste on loved ones. Many rely on superficial solutions to fixing the mess they create. Running away to another city, changing hair color, jumping into another relationship, drinking, etc. None of these solutions actually address issues, they just cover them up. Making the matter even worse.

  7. savorydish said

    Maybe I’m just not progressive enough, but I think that people who are screwed up in the head should focus on healing and not spreading their delusional conspiracy theories on the interwebs. But that’s just me.

  8. savorydish said

    When looking into their pasts, it’s not hard to understand why untreated borderlines are so “mad with rage”. But what is puzzling is how someone who grew up with a borderline parent could be so clueless about her own condition. So certain is she that none of her father’s patterns of behavior were passed onto her. Maybe denial is part of the process of shutting out a loved one.

  9. savorydish said

    She can’t seem to understand that “single-handedly solving massive centuries-old societal problems” is a narcissistic delusion. She is so desperate to feel important, thinking it will erase her past. Her problem isn’t sexism or systematic oppression. It is her tangled mind and low self-esteem.

    I have seen this condition in my borderline ex. They share the same affliction. This is not a gender issue. This is what happens when someone is born too sensitive for their own good. When their childhood was nothing less than tragic.

  10. savorydish said

    Notice how they attribute feeling besieged to an outside source of oppression as opposed to something internal. This is classic self-victimization. This is learned helplessness. A person with this belief system will never get better. If this is your partner, you must accept that fact and move on.

  11. savorydish said

    “You could tell how serious a loss was by how unaffected and chipper I was afterward”

    I am haunted by Shady’s words, because this is exactly how my borderline ex reacted when she suddenly cut me out of her life. No rational explanation or sentimental good-byes. Peace Out.

    Weeks earlier she had told me how much she loved me and asked me to move in with her. But one day she decided she was done. Out of nowhere she confessed she was feeling suffocated.

    Months later she had moved away and married another man. All the panic attacks, mood swings and indications of severe trauma had magically disappeared. Without therapy she had magically become the happiest person in the world. Well, as Shady has revealed, this is all a song and dance act. She had suppressed and compartmentalized her sadness and fabricated happiness.

    According to Shady, they are very good at this.
    So before you get involved with an untreated borderline, I want you to think about how good these people are at shutting off their emotions. Emotions are easy to shut off when they are shallow and fake. An untreated survivor can not afford real emotions. Too risky.

    This is normal behavior for people who have been severely emotionally damaged. They rush in and they rush out. And no matter how special they make you feel in the beginning… In the end, they will drive over you like road kill.

  12. savorydish said

    Though I am inclined to believe Shady when she says her father tormented their family. What I have learned from my borderline ex is the past is very hazy with people like her.

    My ex too confessed that she had been tormented by her mother and then betrayed by her father. But after she broke up with me, she was suddenly like peas in a pod with her family. Her stories change according to her needs at the moment.

    I don’t even think THEY know what the truth is. Trauma survivors often block out the past and revise memories to make life easier. So it’s hard to ever know what the truth is.

  13. savorydish said

    If Shady really wants to help, then she should encourage others like her to seek help. Instead of playing savior of the world/perpetual victim. Self-aggrandizement and paranoia are only feeding the disease. Believing that the world is out to get you is just another narcissistic delusion.

  14. savorydish said

    If you haven’t noticed by now Shady is not one to “mildly phrase an objection”. She is looking for a fight.

    Not as in fighting for social justice. That would be more narcissistic delusion. No this is fighting because Shady has got a lot of suppressed rage fighting. Where have we seen this kind of misguided activism? Why is it activism attracts the emotionally damaged???

    Activism should be left to people who have sorted out their issues. Not to people who are avoiding dealing with their issues. These are adrenaline junkies looking for their next fix. It’s a hard habit to break.

  15. savorydish said

    Shady has since deleted her Tumblr account. One less forum for her to spew her hate. So maybe she has learned something. Hopefully she, like Garland, will focus on a healthy life.

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