Why is She Gaga for Judas?

May 15, 2011

Oh Pop Culture, why do you supply me with endless examples of damaged women? So here we have Lady Gaga doing her best Madonna impersonation (in more ways than one). What is it about these narcissists that attract them to bad boys? Judases if you will.

The answer is- the same thing that made them narcissists in the first place- instability, neglect, abuse, separation, conflict or all of the above. These are the forces that made them insecure in their childhood and abusive personalities in their adulthood. Insecurity compels them to follow self-destructive patterns and pull people down with them.

On some level, Gaga “loves” Jesus because rationally she knows he’s good for her. But she is viscerally attracted to Judas, even though she knows Judas will betray her. This is not so much an attraction to Judas as it is an attraction to the familiar. And the familiar to these damaged souls is an abusive environment. In the end, she and Judas will both betray Jesus. Because girls like Gaga are not only good at attracting people who treat them like shit, they are also very good at attracting people who are willing to be treated like shit.

It doesn’t matter how smart, successful or independent (or feminist) the woman is. If she’s emotionally damaged, she will sabotage what’s good for her and run to things that are bad for her. Women with high IQs can have low emotional IQs. Such women will be suffocated by intimacy and excited by the thrill of danger. So says the laws of the universe.

But it goes the other way too. There are men who are attracted to femme fatales. Like DeNiro’s character in Casino. He falls for Sharon Stone’s character, a histrionic borderline who betrays his trust over and over again. Just when he provides her with security and stability, she gets bored, betrays him and runs off with some Judas. But like a true co-dependent, DeNiro’s character takes her in, every time she comes crawling back. He is rewarding her bad behavior and therefore ensuring his own demise.

Both the boys who are drawn to bad girls and the girls who are drawn to bad boys are re-playing the drama of their childhood. It is there you will find the beginnings of this addiction to toxic relationships. These relationships have nothing to do with love. Neither of these archetypes are conditioned for love. They are conditioned for abusive co-dependent relationships.

We like to think that human beings make decisions based on rational thought. But most of our behavior is dictated by our past and our emotions. Rationalization only comes into play after the fact, when we have to justify our behavior to ourselves. This is a source of great shame for bad boys and bad girls, even the ones who seem unaffected. Enough shame to make them suppress their misdeeds and live in denial- to live a lie.

I wanted to believe my borderline ex was different, but she was just like all the other troubled women who I let ruin my life. I was replaying my past. She fooled me into believing she loved me. But I allowed myself to be fooled, because I wanted to believe she loved me.

She was using me like she uses every man. Although, I feel dumb and naive now, I was just desiring that which has alluded me my whole life- true love. To her credit, she tried to play the role of the good girl. But her insecurities got the best of her. She tried to keep her demons at bay. But those forces were too strong for her.

She could only keep up the act for so long. And when the pressure to keep up the act became too much, she went back to the familiar. She ran back to Judas. The Judas she chose was just as fucked up as her. A wannabe thug who had been betrayed by his wife and now he was looking for payback. He didn’t care who he was hurting, because he was too consumed by the pain that someone else had caused him. Scum bags are just damaged souls looking to pass on their pain.

And she too didn’t care about who she hurt, because she was too busy trying to escape the suffocating grip of intimacy. The fear of abandonment/rejection made her blind to the hurt she was unleashing upon others. Judas was exactly what she needed- a man with little promise of a future. With him, she didn’t have to live up to the expectation of being normal or healthy. She could be her damaged self. In her troubled mind, he was her “soul mate”.

But she too came crawling back when she realized he just wanted her for sex. He got what he wanted and left her with a shattered relationship. I tried to pick up the pieces, but it was damaged beyond repair. She had sex with him to prove to me that she was desirable, but she ended up proving that she was easily manipulated by Judas. She was so gaga for her Judas that she blamed me for his flight. All the intelligence I thought she had was rendered useless under the spell of an abusive personality.

It never occurred to her that the Judas affair was not built to last. But that is why she pursued it with such vigor. It never occurred to her that Judas was programmed to use and abuse. It never occurred to her that is why she chose him in the first place. Borderlines are notoriously bad judges of character. It was fitting that Judas betrayed her, because she got a taste of her own medicine.

Of course I, being the sucker for wounded animals, took her back. But it was not long before she would betray me again. I knew too much about her. I knew her evil ways. And she knew that I knew. And that made her insecure all over again. This was enough reason for her to run far far away. Just like she had done so many times before. Just like Sharon Stone’s character in Casino.

Femme fatales want to be loved. But once they have it, they run from it. In their minds, they are unworthy of love. This is why women like Lady Gaga eventually run back to Judas. Guys like Judas make them feel like they have nothing to lose. They are a relief from having to pretend they are someone they are not. Only when they are with someone who is just as damaged as they are, do they find themselves at ease. But this is not love, this is the soothing of insecurity and low self-esteem. For damaged people, the illusion of love is better than nothing.

31 Responses to “Why is She Gaga for Judas?”

  1. savorydish said

    Stone’s performance in Casino is noteworthy. She does a great job of portraying the fragility of a borderline. It’s this fragility that attracts caretakers to them. It’s why it’s so hard to write her off as a crazy bitch. It’s why the caretaker takes her back every time. The question is who is the real borderline? Is this duality a hoax, another form of manipulation? or is this just how unstable minds work?

    • savorydish said

      Hollywood drama aside, it is probably one of the best representation of what my relationships have been like.

    • savorydish said

      “Unstable”is the best way to describe someone who says they love you, then threatens to call the police on you. Then days later, cuddles up to you for comfort.

      How do you love someone you can’t trust? You can’t. With a borderline, it’s a thin line between love and hate. You start off being their savior and then end up being Satan.

  2. savorydish said

    Mob stories are perfect backdrops for psychological drama. Scorsese is a master storyteller. Mostly because he is so good at capturing the subtle nuances of dysfunctional relationships. He would have made a good psychologist, but instead he’s a brilliant filmmaker.

    If you want to know how borderlines turn lovers into enemies, watch this movie. The borderline behavior he depicts in this movie is spot on. Including the lies, the manipulations and self-victimization of a borderline lover.

  3. savorydish said

    A borderline who betrays his/her lovers will inevitably be betrayed by Judas. What goes around, comes around. Birds of a feather flock together. Cheaters and liars always get a taste of their own medicine. Karma is a bitch.

  4. skyeee said

    I am confused, maybe I need you to explain it to me again. Maybe I read into this too personally, ( is that due to emotional damage ?) but even if a woman (or man) is emotionally “damaged” doesn’t necessarily mean they behave this way. Sure, I cheated on every single person before my husband, but now things have changed. Is it purely because I can admit and come to face with my faults or is it something else ? My life trials, I feel, are not there forever. I feel that people can overcome them. Forgive me if I read into this too deeply or personally.

    • savorydish said

      People can overcome it. Being emotionally damaged is not a death sentence. You are obviously in a different place then before you met your husband. I can tell by our conversations. You have taken ownership of your behavior and your past, that is a significant sign of growth. You are taking steps to better your health. But those who are emotionally damaged and fail to acknowledge their condition are doomed to repeat the past. Science tells us that abused children grow up to seek dysfunctional relationships. It is a product of low self-esteem, but it is also the past dictating the future. You are proof that people can get better as long as they are willing to take personal responsibility for their lives.

  5. savorydish said

    If your partner has betrayed you. That’s it. Do not give them a second chance to betray you again. No matter what lame excuse they give you. (BTW being drunk is not an excuse, it’s a sign) Even if they cry and promise never to do it again, don’t fall for it. It takes years of treatment to unlearn bad behavior.

    If they crawl back to you, don’t be fooled into thinking they have learned the error of their ways. By taking them back you are rewarding their betrayal. You are saying that you will be their “welcome” doormat, whenever they need to wipe their feet.

    People who betray you once have demonstrated that they do not love you or respect you. Nor do they love or respect themselves. This person is not worthy of trust or love. Don’t let this person manipulate you into believing otherwise. Detach immediately.

    You have some soul searching of your own to do. Before you jump into another relationship, you have to learn how to break your own patterns. There is a reason why this backstabber came into your life.

    Silent abusers are predators. They seek out people they can manipulate. Narcissists especially love this game. Ask yourself why you tolerate this kind of behavior. And then take steps to avoid these people like the plague.

    • savorydish said

      Betrayal is ABUSE. Narcissists are abusers. Just because you can’t see the scars doesn’t mean it isn’t there. A black eye fades. Emotional scars stay with you for life.

  6. savorydish said

    This kind of behavior has reached epidemic proportions. We could blame the media. But the truth is children learn this behavior from parents, not TV. And with personality disorders there is indication this kind of behavior is genetic, much like alcoholism. Alcoholism and infidelity often go hand in hand, because they are both indicative of an addictive personality.

    I’m no moralist. If you want to sleep around. Great. More power to you. But don’t lead others to believe you are capable of commitment and fidelity. You are playing with someone’s heart. Infidelity ruins lives. Children go on to repeat a parent’s cheating ways. The pattern goes on and on until someone decides enough is enough.

    But some of the responsibility falls on the betrayed partner. You let this person into your life. It is now your duty to make sure you never let this happen again. This betrayal has revealed co-dependent qualities in you. Until you change that fact, you will continue attracting dysfunctional people who will hurt you.

    • savorydish said

      BTW if you are waiting for a narcissist to realize the error of his/her ways, you will be waiting a long time. The very definition of a narcissist is someone who is too self-absorbed to care about other people’s suffering. Do not be fooled by outside appearances.

      My cheating ex has fashioned herself into a self-righteous activist, someone who is sensitive to the suffering of others. But this is a well-staged act. What a narcissist does in public is entirely different than the way they behave when they think no one is looking. Cheaters are very good at keeping up appearances. So you have to be better at sniffing out posers.

      There are very few narcissist who voluntarily seek help. Their behavior is only curbed when they are busted. They literally have to be caught with their pants down, for them to address their behaviors. However many unscrupulous narcissist will continue living in denial even after being caught. These are people who can not break the addiction. As a society we have to send a message to these people that their behavior will not be tolerated. Such people must be OUTED for the benefit of awareness. Loved ones must insist on treatment, before the narcissist is allowed to re-enter their lives.

  7. savorydish said

    The Self-Victimizer advocates would like you to believe OUTING someone with NPD/HPD/BPD is abuse. No. Abuse is abuse. Identifying a known abuser/troublemaker is a service to society.

    The best weapon we have against these silent abusers is to let them know we are onto them and their antics. The reason why so many of these people go unchecked is because their victims let it slide.

    If a husband gave his wife a black eye, that person would arrested on the spot. That person would be charged for a crime and rightfully so. But psychological violence goes unnoticed. A woman who commits acts of cruelty not only walks free to find another victim, she is also allowed to play victim.

    This hit and run abuse will only stop once the predator realizes society is aware of their history. If society diminishes their crime and looks the other way, the abuse will go on. Such abuse should not be mitigated, because it has a profound ripple effect on our society. Psychological abuse is still abuse. Just because it’s not visible, doesn’t mean we should look the other way.

    • savorydish said

      Do not think the disordered person will change on their own. It is rare for such a person to take responsibility for the harm they have caused others. If the recent Tigerbeatdown encounter has taught us anything, it’s that such people will fight tooth and nail to cover up their tracks. Pointing out their crimes will only make them more hostile and abusive. Believe me, I know. My borderline ex’s abusive side came out when I revealed her patterns of relationship sabotage. But that in itself was the final sabotage. She wanted to scare me off.

      Instead of owning up to her behavior, she ran to another country and changed her hair color. These are the drastic steps a narcissistic borderline will take to avoid owning up to their horrible past. Outing these people is the only way they will learn to accept responsibility.

      Mel Gibson, Arnold Shwarzenegger, Charlie Sheen are only a few celebrity examples of what happens when we allow narcissists to roam free.

  8. savorydish said

    Self-Victimizer advocates OUT people all the time. But when they do it, it’s called “activism/trolling for social justice”.

    When people out them, they call it “stalking” or “harassment”. This is how the self-victimizer operates. Without self-awareness. Without shame. Always projecting. Always the victim. Never the victimizer.

    But the trail of pain, that follows them where ever they go, tells us a different story.

  9. savorydish said

    Advocates believe silent abusers and shady individuals deserve to live in anonymity- to go on behaving badly without repercussions.

    Advocates pose as protectors of the emotionally damaged. But if they are so concerned about their well-being, why are they busy attacking people raising awareness? when they could be encouraging, those affected by trauma, to seek treatment.

    These are not advocates. These are enablers. That’s what you call a person who covers up dysfunctional behavior. They preach a message of acceptance and tolerance. But nobody should have to tolerate abusive behavior.

    When silent abusers betray your trust, they and their cohorts expect you to lay silent. Do not give them that satisfaction. Make noise. Make lots of noise. Point in the direction of the abuser. They deserve to feel shame.

    • savorydish said

      But when you do point out their bad behavior, prepare yourself for hysterics, righteous indignation. “How dare you accuse me of wrong doing!” This is their way of deflecting blame. Be prepared for absurd accusations. “You’re the one who’s crazy!!!” This is meant to shift the focus of blame. False accusations are how these twisted souls avoid feelings of shame.

      • savorydish said

        This will be followed quickly by a retreat to victimhood. A narcissistic borderline has no problem attacking you. But if you return fire, they will accuse you of “abuse”. Despite all their abusive tendencies and history of betrayal, they somehow believe they don’t deserve to be treated harshly. Poor poor helpless waifs are too sensitive for the fights they start.

  10. savorydish said

    To be honest, I was more than willing to forgive my borderline ex for cheating on me (even twice). But what I could not forgive was the way she viciously turned on me. After all the kindness and forgiveness I showed her, I could not stomach the callous manner in which she shoved me out of her life. And then to have her portray me as a villain after all the love we supposedly shared was the final straw.

    But this is how narcissistic borderlines react to intimacy. Intimacy they associate with tremendous pain. Pain they attribute to you. When in reality it goes as far back as their earliest years. In the case of a surviving twin, it might go as far back as birth. How do you tolerate hostility, when all you did was love them too much?

    Nobody faults them for being emotionally damaged. But disordered people in denial fail to realize that this condition makes them abusive towards the people who love and care for them the most. And for them to not even have the decency to acknowledge the pain they have caused others is unforgivable.

  11. savorydish said

    Damaged souls are attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable because they think it’s safe. But the sad irony is that these are the people who are most likely to victimize them over and over again.

    Most likely, the person who originally traumatized them was also devoid of emotion, but this is why they seek out the familiar. Once someone is traumatized it leaves an imprint on the victim. That victim is now programmed to seek out people who harmful to him/her.

  12. savorydish said

    This is how you know you’re with a narcissistic borderline- the better you treat them, the worst they treat you.

  13. savorydish said

    You will find that women who are attracted to Judases are also obsessed with “rape culture” and “misogyny”. This is not a coincidence. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy.Obsessive thoughts usually turn into reality. I guarantee this all started with the father being an asshole.

  14. savorydish said

    Mr Roach,

    With all due respect- What I do with my life is my business.

    You don’t know me well enough to express concern for my well-being. I have not posted your comment because it is a thinly-veiled attempt to put someone down in order to inflate your own ego. I suggest this may be the real problem. I would also guess that this is a pattern in your life. I have skimmed over your blog and I think I have a pretty good idea what you’re all about. It would seem you have a few obsessions of your own.

    I have seen your kind come and go here. Enough times to know why people like you dislike this blog so much. Perhaps you find the truths on this blog unsettling? Perhaps you should look in the mirror when you speak of self-victimization. Projection is quite common with disordered people FYI.

    I can tell you have been wounded by wicked souls without you telling me so. Your over-compensation for an inferiority-complex tells me so. The fact that you have not blogged about your abuse does not make you a superior being, it just means you are good at suppressing your past. But the damage to your personality is evident. In other words, find some place else to spread your self-righteousness.

    • savorydish said

      ps -suppressing past pain does not equal moving on. It’s called denial.

      Judging by your blog, you have yet to address your own issues. You have this holier than thou quality about you. It’s an obvious attempt to make yourself feel better. The blame game is an attempt to shift focus from yourself.

      I see this kind of narcissism with political activists (on both ends of the political spectrum) all the time. You have a taste for the grandiose and the melodramatic. You fancy yourself a philosopher, a higher mind. You use politics as a distraction from dealing with personal issues. But you aren’t the only one.

      There is a reason why you left your comment under this posting. (hint hint) You’re lashing out at your reflection because you don’t like what you see. Save yourself before you crusade to save the world. At least I’m getting down to what’s real. What you are engaging in is folly – pure delusions of grandeur.

      • savorydish said

        This is not about broken hearts, Mr Roach. This is about people who do serious damage to themselves and others. People with abusive tendencies and don’t even know it. You spend a lot of time pontificating about how we can fix our country. Perhaps you should devote some time to fixing yourself. Maybe you don’t know as much as you think you do.

      • savorydish said

        It is actually quite common for people from abusive backgrounds to write-off abuse and addiction. “get over it” “move on”, these are phrases I hear over and over from people who have obviously been traumatized. They are trying to diminish the seriousness of such problems.

        They are too deep in denial to realize abuse is a problem. All you have to do is take a good look at their life to realize something is not right.

        Sadly, people who have abused their whole life are conditioned to accept it. “It’s no big deal”, they say. People who minimize the effects of abuse are both the victim and the abuser rolled into one. There’s a reason why characters like Mr Roach throw rocks at my window. Talking about such issues (their past) makes them very uncomfortable. They would rather talk about politics or race. We’ve seen this kind of misdirect before.

      • savorydish said

        Mr Roach,

        People who pursue ego-driven pseudo-intellectualism are usually people who have difficulty expressing emotions. They are either stoic or raging and nothing in between.

        I’m guessing there’s a good reason why you are so good at suppressing emotions. I’m guessing you grew up in a household where showing your emotion was discouraged. Maybe by an alcoholic father who told you to be a “real man” . Thus your obsession with being “man-sized”. And now you are trying to thrust your dysfunctional ways upon the rest of the world. Perhaps you are too old to change. But the rest of us are not.

        I’m a pretty good judge of character Mr Roach. I make it my business to know what makes people tick, so I can avoid abusive personality types such as yourself. This blog will continue to spread what I have learned so others may benefit from my knowledge. Thank you for providing much needed insight.

        SD

      • savorydish said

        One of the key signs you are dealing with a narcissist is a profound lack of compassion. Something in their past has forced them to shut down. They are too self-absorbed to care about others. Many narcissists are obsessed with proving they’re superior because they suffer from chronic low self-esteem. Being emotional and compassionate is considered a weakness. Which is why many struggle with intimacy. Anybody who tells you to “get over it” is most likely struggling to process their own emotions.

      • savorydish said

        I want you fauxminists to take a good look at Mr. Roach’s website. You may be on different sides of the political spectrum, but the narcissistic profile is identical to yours. You both had the same reaction to this blog, that should tell you something. As you read his blog, realize that to an outsider you sound exactly like him.

  15. savorydish said

    Always be suspicious of people who expect you to show compassion for disordered people but have none for the people who are abused by DPs. Don’t be surprised if their behavior resembles that of a DP in denial. These people are all about covering up their tracks.

    • savorydish said

      I have yet to meet a partner of a borderline who didn’t have compassion. That is a prerequisite for being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unstable.

      But Mr. Roach expects a partner to overlook abusive behavior. According to this character- It’s ok for him to rant endlessly about liberals and immigration, but not ok to talk about personality disorders and abusive personalities. Now why do you suppose that is?

  16. savorydish said

    A former aid to Sarah Palin has just written a tell-all book about Palin. In it, he tells the story of a narcissist who plays the victim to gain attention. The Palin camp has, of course, attempted to discredit the author. These are all narcissistic behaviors that are well documented.

    That is why it is so important for people to talk and write about PDs. Because they do have a negative effect on society. Even politics. Awareness is the only way to beat these people at their manipulative games.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: