The World Is Out to Get Stephanie Hallett

May 9, 2011

Stephanie Hallett is a writer at Ms Magazine and she has a conspiracy theory. According to her and her angry cohorts, we live in a rape culture. Did you know that? Apparently, our society supports rapists and their efforts to rape women. Ms. Hallett has implicated the NY Times as well as the FBI in this conspiracy. It seems the FBI, when they’re not going after America’s most wanted, has been spending their free time making life hard for women who allege rape.

Ms Hallett believes that the FBI’s definition of rape is outdated and limiting. That is, it excludes certain people from claiming victimhood. For instance, people who can’t control their alcohol or sexual impulses. People who lack proper boundaries. People who are prone to lies and manipulation. People who are prone to chaos manufacturing and false accusations. Drama queens, attention whores and troublemakers, no go. And vindictive women who secretly hate men are also left out in the cold. I hope I haven’t excluded anyone. I would hate to have Ms. Hallett point her heat-seeking missiles at me.

Ms Magazine has devoted an entire issue to the topic of rape. But no where do they speak of BPD. Odd, because BP women are more likely to be victimized than the rest of the female population. They are also more likely to indulge in false accusations and other attention-seeking activities. But the editor felt this topic was not worthy of inclusion. If you’re going to talk about rape, tell the whole story. Not just the parts that push your political agenda.

In the end, even if the FBI were to revise their definition of rape to meet Ms. Hallett’s questionable standards, it would do nothing to curb rapists. Monsters like murderers, molesters and rapists tend to not follow rules. Even if you were to lock up all the rapists in the world, self-victimizers and repeat victims will always find ways to claim victimhood. The self-destructive will always find ways to self-destruct. Court justice will do little to console those living with lifelong trauma.

If you truly want to prevent rape, then it’s time to stop the nonsense and the distractions. It’s time to address personal issues like personality disorders and substance abuse. Investigate any questionable instances of rape and you will mostly find a history of both. If you want to stop rape, cut off the supply of victims. Rapists prey on the weak. That includes people who are stuck in a state of victimhood. People who have a long history of victimhood.

Sending angry letters and signing meaningless petitions will do nothing to help people who are stuck in an endless pattern of self-victimization. Misguided advocates think this is a legal and political issue. They could not be more wrong. The solution is not a political one, but a personal one. The women who are most vulnerable to predators are the emotionally damaged. This has nothing to do with how the NY Times or the FBI defines rape. This has everything to do with women who habitually put themselves at risk.

Ms. Hallett and her fellow writers at Ms. magazine are only distracting people from getting the help they desperately need, when they should be encouraging these people to seek it. Read some of the comments left by the readers at Ms. magazine, and you will notice many of them bear a striking resemblance to untreated borderlines. These are emotionally damaged people blindly lashing out with irrational rage.

The following quote is from an article written by a nurse to help her fellow nurses deal with borderline patients:

Most folks of BPD WERE victims at one time. That is not the problem, however. The problem is that the BPD derives benefits in remaining a victim…and will fight tooth and nail to remain one. Lots of rewards, lots of power, lots of attention are won by it.

Fighting “tooth and nail” is what the writers at Ms. magazine do best. Conflict and drama are in their nature. But for all the benefits the borderline thinks they are receiving, there are plenty of nasty side-effects with self-victimization. Rape is just one of the horrible things that can happen to a person who is addicted to victimhood. These are people who are destined for tragedy. They have been conditioned for it. These are people who are obviously starved for attention. But this is the wrong kind.

I find the writers and readers of Ms magazine to be extremely naive. They have this delusional belief that if only the world worked their way, the course of their tragic lives would be magically and dramatically different. They have accused the FBI and the NY Times of being outdated, but I suggest it is the “victim vs victimizer” model that is outdated. The political trash talk is irrelevant and ineffective.

The new age of personal awareness and self-empowerment is upon us. Ms magazine, put down your pitchforks. It’s time for self-reflection. It’s time you got with the program. The world is not out to get you. That is your own paranoid delusion. Antagonizing the world will not save you or womankind. And it certainly won’t make the world sympathetic to your cause. Rape exploitation does nothing to empower women. It merely keeps troubled women in a state of victimhood. If these self-victimizers would just take a good look at themselves, they would realize that they are their worst enemy.

43 Responses to “The World Is Out to Get Stephanie Hallett”

  1. savorydish said

    I am certainly not diminishing the importance of rape awareness. I am raising BPD awareness and not just for the month of May.

    If you want to talk about effective solutions, then you need to talk about people getting treated for early signs of trauma. Get people treated before they are victimized again and again. Then and only then will you see a significant decrease in incidents of rape AND false accusations.

  2. savorydish said

    Many of these self-victimizers have a long history of doing harm to themselves (wrist cutting,eating disorders,negative self-image, etc.)

    But at some point in their early adulthood, they realize they can get more attention and sympathy when they are victimized by someone else.

    This is why so many of them seek out toxic relationships and sabotage healthy relationships. They hang out with the wrong crowd. They engage in risky behavior and they never develop proper boundaries. All this is a recipe for disaster. But that’s what being self-destructive is all about.

  3. savorydish said

    I also think it’s morally wrong For Stephanie Hallett to use Lara Logan as a poster child for questionable incidents of rape. She was the woman who was brutally and sexually assaulted while covering the uprising in Egypt. That experience was horrific enough without having to argue about how the FBI would define it.

    To compare her to a girl who got too drunk at a college party would be manipulative and opportunistic. To argue about semantics cheapens Logan’s ordeal.

  4. savorydish said

    Of course, taking personal responsibility is a lot harder than playing the blame game.

  5. savorydish said

    The comment section of Ms Magazine is filled with enablers. Self-victimizers rarely change because there are plenty of people who will rush to their defense. Ms Magazine was built upon this premise.These enablers are getting plenty of rewards and benefits from their enabling ways.

    Don’t be surprised when you find out that these enablers are self-victimizers themselves. When they enable others they are actually enabling themselves. Enabling self-victimizers has nothing to do with charity. It is self-serving. It has everything to do with justifying their own self-destructive behavior.

    • savorydish said

      Self-victimizers and and their enablers are all part of an elaborate support group. They mean to blur the lines between legitimate victimhood and false victimihood. They abuse the victim card because they can.

      They will try to shame you if you dare to question their motives. They will call you a “rape apologist” or a “misogynist”. These are the tricks of their trade. But in the end, they are only hurting themselves with these tricks.

  6. savorydish said

    These enablers like to think of themselves as champions of social justice. They like to think they are morally superior, but there is a reason why they act superior. This is a form of narcissism. These are people who are compensating for feelings of inadequacy. They don’t like it when people point out flaws in their system. So they assume the role of the victim.

    We have seen this act of deception over and over again. These acts are well documented. The sad part is even when you point it out, they still fight tooth and nail to keep themselves in the dark and in denial. There are too many benefits for these people to change.

  7. savorydish said

    These self-victimizers WERE victims at one time. Victims who turned into abusers. But they are not helpless waifs or damsels in distress. I have dated my fair share of self-vicimizers and I can tell you they are some of the most manipulative people I know.

    If they are unwilling to get help, it’s because they are too busy milking the system. They are enjoying their martyr status. It elevates their self-destructive ways. It’s the closest they will come to sainthood. But this is all a delusion.

  8. savorydish said

    The fact is the majority of these women who engage in questionable acts are nothing like Lara Logan. Lara Logan was a clear victim, but the women who are obsessed with the definition of rape are the ones who live with uncertainty. But this uncertainty has more to do with their questionable behavior and not how society defines rape. Sadly, these are the troubled women Ms magazine has chosen to champion.

  9. savorydish said

    Often these enablers will cry about how horrible it is to “out” a self-victimizer. The NY Times and the FBI are fair game. But these women are above reproach simply because they are women.

    They make it a gender issue only because it makes it easier to claim victim status. The problem is not that they are women. The problem is they are troubled souls. This is not a gender issue. It is a mental health issue. But you will never hear this from Ms magazine.

  10. savorydish said

    Self-victimizers are more than happy to advertise their victimhood, but deny the negative effects of trauma. They want their cake and eat it too.

    And if you point out this folly, they will most certainly try to belittle you or demonize you. This is their way of discrediting your opinion. But name calling does not change the facts. And the fact is trauma turns victims into abusers. Even rapists have a history of such trauma. At one time, they were victims of child abuse.

  11. savorydish said

    Regardless of whether or not they have legitimate claims, these people need therapy. Everything else is tom foolery. These are traumatized people acting out. They are feeding the disease.

    They are obsessed with how people define rape, when they should be contemplating how they define themselves. Rape is only questionable when it is defined by questionable behavior and a questionable past.

  12. savorydish said

    Shouldn’t feminism empower ALL women? Ms mag seems to focus exclusively on defending questionable women. Why is that?

    And then when you point out their questionable behavior they accuse you of trying to degrade them. Does it not occur to them that it is their questionable behavior that degrades them? Not people pointing out the obvious.

  13. savorydish said

    Blaming the FBI and the NY Times is just another example misplaced anger. Anger that should be directed at the people who supposedly victimized them, but instead it is directed at people who had nothing to do with their victimization. But that’s what happens when your victimhood is questionable.

  14. savorydish said

    Borderlines in denial will often look for scapegoats. If their attacks seem irrational it is because their minds are clouded with painful emotions and memories.

  15. savorydish said

    These random attacks are largely based on the shame they feel. Healthy people are able to process shame. Unhealthy people lash out indiscriminately with misdirected rage. For these people shame is an unimaginable pain. Part of their coping mechanism is to dump this pain on someone, anyone.

    Their pattern of irresponsible behavior perpetuates this cycle. Until they realize that they are the source of their shame, they will continue blaming others

  16. savorydish said

    I have noticed that a lot of people in pain are drawn to politics and activism. It is almost as if they are looking for a distraction from their past. The irony is that these people want to change the world, but have yet to address their own issues. Avoidance means never having to deal with your own issues. For an untreated borderline there are always plenty of distractions. They are the busiest people in the world.

    • savorydish said

      These are people who lead double lives. They act like humanitarians and do-gooders in public. But in private they are the most selfish people you will ever know. When they’re sad, they act happy. When they act bitchy they are actually scared. When they cry it is only to make you feel sorry for them. With these people, nothing is as it seems to be.

      Which is why it is so hard to believe their stories. Contrary to their theories, we do not live in a rape culture. The truth is people want to believe their stories. But when you have a history of lies and manipulations, you only discredit and degrade yourself.

      The shame these people feel is real, but it doesn’t come from an outside source. Shame is nature’s way of telling you that you have done something against YOUR values.

      The blame game doesn’t work and it only makes people very aware that false accusations are real. It makes us realize that these people will do anything and say anything to cover up their shame.

      • savorydish said

        Enablers want us to believe that these people do not deserve to be judged. They reinforce the myth of the poor helpless waif, but they are in on the act. They too get benefits from playing the “supportive saint”. But these false friends will never encourage the survivor to seek treatment. Because secretly they don’t want the survivor to get better. A knight in shining armor is nothing without a damsel in distress.

      • savorydish said

        Enablers are not helping the problem, they are covering it up. Their motivation is not to get the survivor help. Their motivation is to cover up the tracks that lead back to them. That is why family members are often the worst enablers. Their concern is the family reputation not the emotional well-being of the loved one.

        But you can’t cover up the problem without ignoring the suffering of others. The reputation of a disordered person is built by years of irresponsible behavior and a lifetime of causing pain for themselves and others. When enablers like family members and publications like Ms magazine attack people for pointing out the truth, they are essentially trying to misdirect the audience. But the truth can not be hidden. And efforts to do so only brings every one involved under question.

        Any addiction specialist will tell you: if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.

  17. savorydish said

    The FBI is made up of some of the most highly-trained and seasoned investigators in the world. The NY Times is one of the most reputable newspapers (106 Pulitzers).

    Imagine the arrogance needed to say that both of these well-regarded institutions need to be taught how to do their job. It is either arrogance or ignorance. Neither choice paints a flattering picture of Ms magazine and its writers.

    • savorydish said

      Untreated borderlines and survivors are conditioned by years of abuse, and therefore demonizing others comes naturally. Not to mention their traumatization has left them fearful of everything, including rejection. Which means these abusers can attack people freely but if someone so much as looks at them the wrong way they claim victimhood.

      • savorydish said

        These self-victimizers attack others to take the negative spotlight off themselves. They belittle others to raise themselves up. These are not victims they are deceptive and manipulative abusers.

  18. savorydish said

    Survivors of any kind of abuse deserve sympathy. But when enablers and survivors turn on the offensive it is a sign that the victim card is being abused. The more angry they are… the more vicious the attacks… the more this indicates the victim has become the abuser.

    But these are silent abusers. Seasoned by years of abuse, they know how to keep it under wraps. A silent abuser has all sorts of passive-aggressive weapons at her disposal.

    If someone who is capable of falsely accusing the NY Times and the FBI,you can only imagine what special treatment intimate partners get.

  19. savorydish said

    If their stories turn out to be true, then Ms magazine is guilty of exploiting untreated survivors. Using emotionally damaged souls to fight their battles and tug at the heart strings of America.

    If you thought Nike was repulsive for exploiting child labor, then Ms deserves equal if not greater scorn for putting emotionally unstable people on the frontlines.

    Ms mag is in a position to encourage these women to seek treatment. But instead they choose to fill their lives with more conflict. Shame on the editor and the writers of Ms. magazine for putting political agendas over a woman’s well-being.

  20. savorydish said

    As I’ve said many times, I’ve loved my fair share of troubled women. At one time I believed all their stories, including the belief that they loved me.

    But after you’ve been betrayed, not by one, but all of them. Once you realize all of them were emotionally abusive, then a pattern emerges. One that can not be ignored.

    Enablers condemn me for speaking out about my abuse. They would like me to remain silent. They claim alleged rape survivors do not deserve this scrutiny. But what they fail to understand is rape (and alleged rape) is not an excuse to abuse someone’s trust. It doesn’t matter how rough life has been for you, it is not a free pass to treat loved one’s like your worst enemy.

  21. savorydish said

    By now you should see a pattern of blame and shame. Self-victimization is a life-long condition. These women were suffering long before any allegations were made. So one has to ask- are these people looking for attention? That is- are they looking for someone to acknowledge pain that has been with them since birth. And if so, what are they willing to do to get this acknowledgment?

  22. savorydish said

    It’s ironic how critical they are of the world, yet they expect the world to be tolerant of their behavior. Behavior that includes emotional instability and outbursts. They want the world to forgive them, when they are not willing to forgive the world. They want the world to change while they cling onto their dysfunctional ways.

  23. savorydish said

    As you can see there’s a lot of info out there on rape. Funny how so-called rape advocates are completely ignorant about it. Publications like Ms are filled with a lot of misinformation.

  24. savorydish said

    Self-victimizers are conditioned to accept abuse. That means they are subjected to it while subjecting others to it. They treat people as poorly as they were treated.

    They grew up in an abusive culture and will continue to perpetuate the culture until they seek extensive treatment. There’s a reason why their lives are filled with never-ending tragedy. This is all part of the culture of abuse.

    • savorydish said

      This is not to say victims of sexual assault will go on to sexually abuse another. But they will certainly develop a taste for using and abusing people like objects. Objects to be discarded at will. When someone is abused they are conditioned to think this how human beings should be treated. This is less likely for someone who was assaulted in their adulthood. But for someone who was conditioned by abuse since birth, this is a way of life.

  25. savorydish said

    Ms Mag wants you to believe rape can happen to anyone. But statistically it happens to people with a long history of abuse and addiction (sex, alcohol, chaos, etc) It would be unfair to say they are asking for it, but they are certainly at greater risk.

    Unfortunately, advocates don’t want to talk about the facts of life. They want to talk about theory and opinions. And wishful thinking. They want the world to be fair.

    Well the world isn’t fair. And some people are born with terrible disadvantages. But ignoring those disadvantages will be to their own detriment.

  26. skyeee said

    You don’t agree that a fist or finger is rape ? I mean, that is beyond me. You can have any or every disorder in the book and still be raped. What about the woman that has BPD and is actually raped, should she be disregarded ?

    These bills and acts by politicians are really making my heart break. I feel like this is a literal war against women.

    • savorydish said

      Women with BPD are BOTH more likely to be raped AND more likely to make false accusations.

      As far as sexual assault by fist, finger or penis, I think it’s all horrible. And should all be punished to the fullest extent of the law, regardless of definition. I just don’t see the point in arguing about how to define it, when it will do nothing to prevent it. If BPD women are more vulnerable to predators, then shouldn’t therapy be the priority? If alcoholics are more vulnerable, shouldn’t they be going to AA? Signing petitions won’t protect these women from predators. Is it fair that these women have to be more cautious? No. But you gotta do what you gotta do to protect yourself.

      As much as I distrust politicians, I don’t think they are at war with women. Neither is the NY Times or the FBI.

    • savorydish said

      To answer your question Skye- if a borderline woman is actually raped we should all take it seriously. But taking it seriously means not only do we have to punish the violator but we must also understand how BPD made this woman more vulnerable to predators. Otherwise this woman is likely to be victimized again and again.

  27. savorydish said

    The fact is an untreated borderline will claim victimhood just so he/she can avoid taking responsibility for the harm they have caused themselves and sometimes others.

    On top of that, they have been conditioned to gravitate towards people who will victimize them. And push away those who care for them. They gravitate towards people who enable the self-victimization and push away people who alert them to their self-sabotaging ways.

    On top of that, you have an individual who is prone to paranoid delusions. Partly because they seek attention, but also because they were born with a condition that makes them BOTH blind to dangers and easily threatened.

    All these factors contribute to the downfall of a borderline. These are factors that reside with the borderline and not some outside force bent on destroying the borderline. The only war being waged is in the mind of a person who can not control their emotions.

  28. savorydish said

    Self-victimizers are essentially rallying support. Their insecurities compel them to look for sympathy. They are recruiting proxies to fight their battles. This is a form of passive-aggressive abuse. They want you to believe they are poor helpless waifs. But in fact they are a highly manipulative abusive personalities. Fortunately, the world is becoming more aware about their charade. Thanks to Congress, May is now BPD Awareness Month.

  29. savorydish said

    Ms magazine is acting as an enabler for millions of untreated borderlines and survivors. Instead of encouraging them to accept responsibility for their own well-being. They fuel the fire. They paint a picture of some vast conspiracy to bring them all down.

  30. savorydish said

    The justice system treats borderline types unfavorably because a large majority of false accusations are made by such people. It is well-documented. The justice system is well aware that these people exist, because they deal with them all the time.

    This is not a war between men and women. This is society (both men and women) saying they will no longer put up with the nonsense/drama created by untreated borderlines.

    • savorydish said

      But peace of mind will not be found in the political arena or the court room. For an untreated trauma survivor, peace of mind can only be found in a therapist’s office.

      Unfortunately, it’s always easier to blame someone else for your suffering than to take personal responsibility.

  31. savorydish said

    The question we should all be asking is this-
    Why are THESE individuals the ones who are consistently getting into trouble?

    Bad Luck? A string of random coincidences?

    When identifying personality disorders (aka dysfunctional behaviors) you always look for recognizable patterns. Such people leave a trail of disaster. Such individuals run away from broken relationships and ruined lives, but they always leave a trail.

    This is not a witch hunt. But it is important to identify these people. If they won’t seek help. Then it is important that we make sure they can not do further damage. The cycle of abuse stops here.

  32. savorydish said

    If society doesn’t take certain people seriously don’t blame the FBI or the NY Times. Blame the certain people who abuse the victim card. People who abuse the system. We all know who they are. They are the same people who cause/look for trouble where ever they go. They are the same people who threaten legal action whenever someone looks at them the wrong way. If society judges these people with extreme prejudice it is because of their extremely irresponsible behavior.

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