Tiger Meltdown Reaches Level 7

April 13, 2011

Garland Grey has recently reached meltdown capacity. This is all part of the emotional circus that we know as Tiger Beatdown. Not that you would care, but it seems there has been a little dissension amongst the Tiger Beat ranks and it has sent their beloved co-conspirator into a tailspin. Here is Garland engaging in what he, himself, calls “butt hurt” whining:

… I haven’t been able to write anything of length without floundering around in a kiddie pool of self-doubt and anger. It seems that when you try to turn a person into a symbol of institutional oppression in order to erase them, it destabilizes that person’s identity. While everyone else has gone back to their lives, I am filled with rage and pain that I can’t afford to do anything but swallow. I wish I could find some way of climbing on top of this, of finding some logic or justice in it, but I’m still feeling bitter and betrayed.

The only thing keeping me on Tumblr at this point is molten spite. I am still here. I am still writing. And even though I am swimming through shit right now, you still weren’t smart, strong, or fast enough to beat me.

Garland Motherfucking Grey
Revenge Blogging the Meltdown

Fortunately, Shady O’Doyle was there to pick up the mess. It seems the tagteam duo takes turns being overly dramatic. Here is Shady’s long-winded response. You might want to skim, because this woman lacks some serious self-editing skills:

Dear Garland,

This is Sady. And I like you! My faith in you, which has been huge and bright like a burning star ever since I first read your blog, has only increased. And the fact is, I could be sending you this via e-mail. BUT I’M NOT, because I wish to express publicly all my support of you.

Here is the thing. I, too, have been feeling bummers lately! Just assorted bummers, really, not always Internet-related ones, and sometimes not the Internet-related ones you would think. And I have had to come to terms with the following factoids:

1) When you are public, and as you grow more public, reactions to you become increasingly intense, and very polarized. You will hear “YOU SAVED MY LIFE” or “I LOVE YOU” a lot. And you will also hear “FUCK YOU” and “I WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE” a lot. The people with moderate reactions are not the ones giving the feedback, generally. Because their reactions are too moderate to inspire them to say something to a stranger.

2) It is undeniably hard to form a coherent, stable idea of yourself as a person, when you are getting these huge and polarized reactions. When you’re hearing that you’re a hero and a star and a life-saving genius, and also hearing that you’re disgusting and stupid and should be physically harmed, well, you have to wonder: Who the hell are you? Who is correct here? Are you truly worth hate? Are you truly worth love? Are you a hero? Are you a monster? Because here you are, seeing all of this, and it’s all so intense and so contradictory, but it’s all aimed at the same target. Which is you. After a while, you start to feel very lost and confused. And then, SURPRISE, you are a writer, and your job is to show up and tell everyone what you think! And it’s very hard to know what you think, if you don’t even know who’s doing the thinking, or how to feel about that person!

2a) This is especially hard if you are the sort of person — and I know I am; I think you are too, because in my experience you are very kind and caring, and kind and caring people tend to have this problem — who bases a large part of his self-understanding on how people react to him. If their reactions are good, you’re good. If their reactions are bad, you’re bad. If they want to hang out with you, then you’re worth hanging out with, and you deserve to feel good about yourself; if they don’t, there’s something wrong with you, and you deserve to be ashamed. Am I right?

3) And here’s where the hard part comes in. At the end of the day, that doesn’t work. Sometimes we can’t get the support we need from the people we need. Sometimes that’s not our fault. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do to make someone like you, or come through for you, or treat you the way that you want to be treated. Sometimes, you DO win over the people you want to win over, and then LATER you piss them off and lose their support, and often this happens without people even telling you about it, and that just DOUBLE SUCKS. Losing people, or losing the idea that you are supported by people — it’s a rough one. There wouldn’t be so many songs about it if that weren’t true. And it destroys your self-worth to the extent that your self-worth is based on how people react to you. And so you can’t base your self-worth on that. Because it will destroy you. And because you are, in this life, pretty much responsible for two things, which are (a) helping people when you can, as best you can, and (b) making sure you don’t get destroyed.

3a) Other people, as much as we’d like to believe differently, are NOT responsible for making sure you don’t get destroyed. When it comes to the matter of you, they have less responsibility than you do. Less of an ethical obligation. This is especially true when they are strangers on the Internet.

4) And this is where it gets really complicated. We all live in public now, we’re having this conversation on Tumblr for fucks’ sakes, but we still live in a culture that promotes “being public” as something that is good and desirable in and of itself. We are trained to think of “fame” or “being known” as universally positive, unless you are in the headlines for being a serial killer or whatever. I just don’t think this is true, for any number of reasons, and I think it is harmful and a fucked-up thing within our culture, because it promotes dehumanization of the “public,” “known” people who are “not like the rest of us,” and dehumanization of the “unknown” people who are implicitly “not as good” or “not worth as much.” But as you become increasingly public, and you start to deal with the increasing number of reactions toward you, it is very hard for people to understand what you’re talking about sometimes, or to empathize. Because it seems like you got this big positive thing everyone is supposed to want, and now you’re ungrateful. And fuck you for being ungrateful!

4a) Except you’re not ungrateful. You’re just dealing with a very different set of experiences, which can be positive or negative, painful or happy, like any other set of human experiences. Except that yours are now kind of weird.

5) But here’s the thing. It is lonely, ultimately, dealing with everyone’s reactions. It is strange. It will confuse you and mess with your head and hurt you deeply, and you will have trouble finding people to even talk to about it, sometimes. Which is why, in the long run, it comes down to you. You are the only person who can decide who you are. You are the only authority on the worth of your actions. Yes, obviously, part of what you do is to entertain people or educate them or whatever. But ultimately, only you can really serve as an authority on your moral standing, the worth of your work, or the merits of your actions. Because when you have fifteen different VERY STRONG reactions to everything you do, you really need a guiding voice, someone who is The Authority and Gets It and Knows What’s Right. And that person always has to be you. Because there are a LOT OF PEOPLE who will sign up for that job, the Authority On Your Worth job, but ultimately, you are the only one who can sign up for it permanently and commit to it in the long term.

So this is what I’m saying, Garland. Ultimately, after all these many long paragraphs, I like you, and I support you, and I love everything you write. But at the end of the day, you just have to sit there, and look at who you are, and look at what you’ve written, and ask yourself if you really, genuinely do enjoy reading the piece of work you’ve just created, if you really, genuinely do believe in the merits of your actions. Sometimes you won’t like it, and sometimes you will. But listen to that voice. Because it’s the only one you will ever be able to really trust. And it has your best interests at heart.

S.

Oy, the drama and the exposition. It’s like watching Jersey Shore with commentary from Snooki. Funny how Shady comforting Garland sounds a lot like Shady explaining why people hate her. This is not an act of compassion, this is a narcissist providing more justification for pissing people off. This is Shady soothing Shady between Gin Gimlets. There is no fight for social justice, just two whiney brats stroking each other’s fragile egos.

What’s scary is that naive and immature people like my borderline ex look to these two assclowns for guidance. They all adamantly deny they have BPD, but yet all of them consistently demonstrate behavior that bears a striking resemblance to borderline behavior. How do you explain this?

I am willing to bet this is not the first time Garland has experienced depression. Extreme emotionality seems to be his calling card. I’m willing to bet it’s been a lifelong struggle. If I recall correctly, there was talk about Garland leaving tumblrdom to get his life back on track. But that hiatus lasted for a day. You see, what attracted Shady and Garland to Tumblr Activism was not the fight for Social Justice. They were attracted to the drama of catfights. These are people who grew up in an abusive environment. Without the scratching and clawing, there is no purpose in life.

But like any drug, drama has it’s downside. The high of drama is followed by the hangover that is depression. Why would Garland get his life back on track, when he can get his daily fix of chaos? When he has Tumblr enablers calling him back with their sweet siren song. Want to know why borderlines never get better? Read the bullshit that comes out of these two. This is the type of rationalization that goes on in the head of a borderline in denial.

Oh what a tangled web they weave. They just don’t get it. They don’t get that THEY are the source of their drama. A drama that they thirst for like a vampire thirsts for blood. These are not activists. They are dramatists. They are not survivors. They are damaged souls in desperate need of the attention they never got as a child.  They are crying out for help, but nobody will listen. Not even themselves.

2 Responses to “Tiger Meltdown Reaches Level 7”

  1. savorydish said

    My Dear Tiger Downers,

    Perhaps the World would be more kind to you if you were more kind to the World. Yes, we all know how hard your childhood was, but it’s no excuse to act like internet assholes. YOU chose this path. If you don’t want people to say bad things about you, don’t behave badly. IOW don’t cry for Garland and Shady when the World gives them a taste of their own bitterness. What goes around, comes around. Karma is a bitch.

  2. savorydish said

    Do these dramatists actually think they can change the world? Do they really care about anyone other than themselves?

    Even if they could affect change, do they think all their psychological issues and dark pasts would magically disappear? Or is this just one big song and dance act? To distract them from their constant meltdowns.

    Wouldn’t the world be a better place if these upstarts would just deal with their own issues? Activism is a noble pursuit but let’s leave it to people who actually have their shit together.

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