The Onion proves once again that it’s more relevant than real new sources.

In other news: Trump Unable To Produce Certificate Proving He’s Not A Festering Pile Of Shit

The Onion also interviews the hottest screenwriter in Hollywood.

Everyone is pretty excited about the royal wedding that’s coming up. But while it’s easy to get caught up in all the royal hooplah, my thoughts drift back to the wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Di. That too was a picture-perfect wedding. But if we’ve learned one thing- it’s that the Royal Family is very good at covering up the behind-the-scenes drama.

I’ve already written a couple posts now on the speculation that Diana had suffered from BPD. But I have not yet written that much about the rumors of their extra-marital affairs. Infidelity is pretty common in BPD relationships. And both infidelity and BPD can have a traumatic effect on the children.

We have already seen how both have affected Prince Harry, who was rumored at one time to be the love child of one of those affairs. Those rumors were proven to be false, but the effect could be seen in Harry’s wild behavior. Prince William, on the other hand, seems to be more grounded but we will see how it affects his marriage with Kate. Sadly, children tend to repeat the mistakes of their parents. We can only hope this will not be the case with these two.

But I thought this would be a good opportunity to talk about infidelity and how it affects the children. We gossip about it and read about it in the tabloids, but we rarely see the devastating effect it has on the children of cheaters. Jennifer Harley Chalmers Ph.D shares a heartbreaking story:

When a parent has an affair what lessons are being taught to the children? What rules of life are being learned?

Julie was a happy-go-lucky eight-year old. She was at the top of her 3rd grade class, loved playing with her friends, riding her bike, and drawing. Her parents loved her and she loved them.

One day after school mom introduced Julie to two girls who were close to Julie’s age. Mom said that she was taking care of them for a friend named Josh. Julie enjoyed playing with the girls and looked forward to them coming again.

In fact they would come over quite often with their dad. But it was only when Julie’s dad was out of town. Sometimes Josh stayed late — long after Julie had gone to sleep.

One day dad came home from his trip. As he was hugging Julie he asked, “How is my princess? What did you do while I was away?” Julie started telling him about the new puppy that “Uncle Josh” brought to the house. Dad knew that mom had been helping someone with child care, but when he heard it was “Uncle Josh” he became a little suspicious.

“How often do you see Uncle Josh?” he asked. With a smile Julie said, “Oh, he comes over every day to help mom when you’re gone.” Mom looked at Julie with a stern face. But Julie didn’t understand why she was becoming upset. Her dad started asking her mom questions and their voices became louder and louder. Julie was sent to her room.

As Julie listened outside, her door she heard her mom say, “Josh is just a friend. Aren’t I allowed to have friends. Why do you have to be so jealous? Don’t you trust me?” Julie finally heard her mom say that she would never see Josh again if that’s what her dad really wanted.

After a couple days, mom and dad started talking to each other and mom and dad seemed happy again. They all returned to their routine of life and Julie started to forget about that horrible night.

But the next time dad went on a trip, mom did not keep her promise. She told Julie that the babysitter will be taking care of her that night. But mom wouldn’t tell Julie where she was going. As mom left the house she saw Josh help mom into his car. “Why is mom seeing Josh when she promised never to see him again?” Julie asked herself.

When dad returned, mom lied to him. When he asked her if she had seen Josh while he was gone she said, “No.” But dad pursued the subject and continued to ask her what she did. Finally she said, “I can’t take this invasion of privacy” and that her life was “none of his business.” She got up, started to pack her suitcase and gave Julie a kiss with the promise to see her tomorrow. She left that night leaving Julie feeling abandoned by her mother.

Julie didn’t understand what had happened. She thought it was her fault — maybe she had done something to make mom leave and cause this terrible punishment. She cried inconsolably. Dad tried to soothe Julie but nothing helped. She cried herself to sleep.

The next morning Julie went to school but did not say a word. Her teacher asked what was wrong, but Julie wouldn’t respond. Her eyes just filled with tears.

When Julie saw her mom she cried and pleaded for her to come home. Julie promised to clean her room every day and wash and dry the dishes. But nothing worked. Mom didn’t come home.

After a month mom changed her mind. Julie was so excited when she heard the good news. But her happiness turned to despair when she was told that her mom had forced her dad to move away so she could come home.

Julie had come to trust and depend on her dad in the last month and appreciated him more than she ever had in the past. Now she was about to lose a parent she loved and trusted all over again.

These experiences were only the beginning for Julie. In the months to come mom and dad would unknowingly teach Julie more lessons about life.

Children learn from their parents. In fact parents are the most influential guides in a child’s life. Many will see their mannerisms and phrases being used by their child. But parents are more than models for mannerisms and phrases. They are models for crucial aspects of life: a work ethic, intimate relationships, friendships, domestic skills, communication, and problem-solving skills. Lessons about life are being taught when a parent has an affair — lessons that they usually don’t want their child to learn.

I share Dr. Chalmers’ story, not to rain on the royal parade, but to find insight into why my borderline ex behaved the way she did. Why she lied to me and betrayed me, despite all the promises she had made to me. She had grown up witnessing infidelity in her own family, not to mention the horrible fights. While we were still dating, her mother told her about her father’s act of indiscretion. It literally put her into a state of shock. She couldn’t even process the event.

It was only a matter of time, when she would cheat on me. I forgave her, given the recent turn of events, but she would betray me again and again. She felt shame for all her acts of infidelity, but then she would find a way to bury it with denial. The pain was too much for her. Deep down she knew she was repeating patterns she had learned from her parents.

Dr. Chalmers talks about the lessons learned, when a child witnesses infidelity:

The first lesson a child learns is,

How to deal with emotional pain.

Children whose parents are experiencing marital conflict feel many emotions — guilt, confusion, loneliness, sadness, fear, worry, abandonment, and many other excruciating feelings. When a child is losing the security base of a strong marriage they are bombarded with pain.

So how is a child supposed to soothe their pain and the feeling of helplessness? And how does a child gain control in an uncontrollable situation? Out of the need to defend against these uncomfortable feelings comes a new rule about life —

If a problem arises it is better to deny that there is a problem than to face it and feel the pain. Julie came to believe this rule. She would think,

“This is how married people lived. Nothing was wrong about this situation. There really isn’t a problem here. Just look the other way.” A child can defend themselves from the bombardment of emotional pain through the defenses of denial and justification.

But this new rule did not help teach Julie how to solve crucial problems that would face her later in life. Instead of facing and solving those problems, she would deny their very existence and look the other way as it would grow and eventually overwhelm her.

Julie was also being taught a second lesson,

How to lie.

In order to maintain a secret second life, wayward spouses need to keep up the deceit. After Julie started living with her mom, she was asked not to talk to dad about Josh. She was further instructed to tell dad that she hadn’t seen him. Mom explained that it is better that dad just doesn’t know “because we don’t want to make him upset.” Julie remembered how upset dad was when he found out about Josh. She didn’t want him to get angry at mom. So with this newly learned habit of lying for mom, came a second rule about life —

Lying is allowed if it spares another from pain or spares yourself from punishment. Another rule from this lesson on deceit is that

Lying is allowed when it protects your privacy. Everyone has a right to privacy in their life, even if it involves hurting people behind their back. Julie was told over and over that it was not dad’s business to know what mom does. This was meant to justify the fact that mom was lying to dad. Although Julie’s mom was a very honest and open person before the affair, mom became quite an expert at deceit and privacy. Julie was watching her model every step of the way.

A third crucial lesson is,

How to be thoughtless — doing what you please regardless of how it affects other people.

Julie would learn how to take advantage of her friends and family when there was something in it for her. She would learn how to disregard others’ suffering because she had a right to enjoy life to the fullest. All wayward spouses hurt the people they care about the most. Wayward spouses rationalize that they had to look out for themselves which is why they developed the relationship outside of their marriage in the first place. Their actions seem to benefit themselves in the short term, but it has disastrous effects on members of their family.

Marital discord is hard enough on children. It undermines the basic security needed for them to learn and grow. But to add infidelity to a troubled marriage turns a problem into a disaster. Parents who have an affair are teaching their children very important rules that are likely to be followed for the rest of their lives. It ultimately not only undermines their marital relationships but it also seriously hurts their own chances for success in most other areas of life.

Parents have a responsibility to teach their children the importance of honesty and the importance of thoughtfulness — considering other people’s feeling when decisions are being made. To do otherwise is not only terribly irresponsible, but may tend to perpetuate the learning of these rules of deceit and thoughtlessness for generations to come.

My ex may or may not have BPD, but clearly the effects of her parent’s behavior can be seen in her behavior. Such behavior is traumatic for a child without BPD. But when that child has deep-seated fears of abandonment, you can imagine how traumatic it would be to see your family unravel right before your eyes. It is in this context that we can be begin to understand the lies and the denial. But it does not excuse her behavior. It is merely an explanation. Her behavior was just as hurtful as her parents’.

As a society, we have this delusion that marriage equals “happily ever after”. But it takes more than wedding vows to keep people together. Especially, when one of them has a family history of unhappiness.

Who killed Princess Diana?

It’s OK to Be a Nerd

April 26, 2011

These days, being nerdy is a disorder too. My feeling is, if no one is suffering, then it’s not a disorder. He’s a smart kid, he’s suppose to be socially awkward. Of course he’s getting beat up at school. But he’ll probably invent something and be the next Bill Gates. And the guy who beat him up will probably end up cleaning his toilets. Problem solved.

Asperger’s doesn’t seem to have the self-destructive and abusive qualities of BPD. Sure he might have trouble getting a date, but he won’t play mind games or lash out at you. Somewhere out there, there’s a nice nerdy girl for him. He’ll be just fine.

If I Was Coldhearted…

April 26, 2011

I could treat people like shit and not feel bad about it. I could move from one lover to another without heartbreak. I wouldn’t have to worry about messy emotions because I could shut them off in seconds. I would just slither away. Not a care in the world. I would just care about me and my needs. I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting loved ones. Because when you’re coldhearted, you don’t worry about other people’s feelings. You just act like nothing ever happened.

(Trigger Warning: If you’re the type that needs trigger warnings, then this post is not for you.)

Last week, Ms magazine blogged about false accusations of rape. The author of that post, Stephanie Hallett, was quick to conclude that false accusations are not a problem. She was also eager to convince readers that alcohol and mental disorders should never be a factor when considering the validity of such accusations. So eager, she has resorted to demonizing anyone who dares to question any accusations of rape. One has to wonder why she considers herself an expert in these matters.

More importantly, why is Ms. Hallett so eager to silence the conversation about alcohol abuse and mental disorders as it pertains to false accusations???

Before we decide that all accusations of rape are true, shouldn’t we investigate each case and the women who make such accusations? And if we find a history of questionable behavior, shouldn’t that raise eyebrows? If somebody passes out because they drank too much, how can we expect them to remember details of that night? Even people who were lucid enough to remember giving consent have later recanted and revised their story. This is not to say that claims by people with a history of alcohol abuse and mental disorders are automatically bogus. I’m just suggesting they deserve a grain of salt.

Ms. Hallett was good enough to provide the following stat:

studies have shown that in 55 percent of rape cases, alcohol or drugs are involved. In acquaintance rape cases, that number is sometimes as high as 80 to 90 percent

Clearly alcohol contributes to rape. So wouldn’t it makes sense that it also contributes to false accusations as well? Ms. Hallett was quick to say no. But I believe it deserves some exploration.

We live in a culture that promotes drinking. Which means we have normalized what most addiction specialists would consider signs of alcoholism. For instance, we think it is normal for people to drink and black out. It is not. It is neither normal nor healthy. What people don’t want to hear is that blacking out is a clear sign that someone is an alcoholic. Dr. Dombeck explains:

Blacking out while drinking is an absolutely CLASSIC sign of ALCOHOLISM, and not minor alcoholism either, but the big league stuff. You are almost certainly addicted to alcohol in terms of physiological dependence (the formal diagnosis is “Alcohol Dependence”, or “Alcohol Abuse” and yes it is physiological and not just in your head. People with drinking problems can be expected to minimize their use of alcohol when describing it so I take what you are saying with a grain of salt figuring it is an underestimate of what you actually consumed…

Oh but hold the press, Stephanie Hallett is back again with new “insights” about rape and alcohol:

First off, alcohol causes memory loss, not false memories. When drinkers try to fill in the lost time, they generally assume positive experiences–unlike, say, rape.

First off, everybody reacts to alcohol differently, especially people who have been traumatized. False memories are most likely a product of past victimization, not alcohol consumption. However, people with a history of alcohol abuse, usually have a history of emotional trauma. Any addiction specialist will tell you this. Alcoholism, itself, is a survivor struggling to cope with past trauma. That’s why their reactions to drinking are much more severe. Furthermore, there is a strong link between personality disorders and alcohol. 50% of people diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder are also diagnosed with alcoholism:

Why do people with BPD also often develop alcoholism? Most likely, several factors that account for the high rate of co-occurrence. First, BPD and alcoholism may share common genetic pathways. That is, some of the genes that put people at higher risk for BPD may also create higher risk for alcoholism. Also, there may be common environmental causes for alcoholism for BPD. For example, experiences of maltreatment in childhood (such as physical or sexual abuse, or emotional abuse or neglect), have been linked to both BPD and alcoholism.

But, there may also be other reasons for the link between alcoholism and BPD. Individuals with BPD may use alcohol to decrease the intense emotional experiences that are a hallmark of BPD. Because people with BPD have strong emotions frequently, casual use of alcohol may lead to abuse or dependence.

For those not familiar with BPD, possible borderline behavior includes false accusations, false memories, irrational outbursts, and frequently getting into trouble. These behaviors are well-documented. A borderline with a drinking problem is a prime target for sexual assault. Borderlines often have poor boundaries and promiscuous tendencies. They lack self-esteem and have bad decision-making skills. But they are also world-renowned illusionists. A borderline in denial will say anything to stay in denial. Including lying about rape. These are facts that Ms magazine will never publish.

Secondly, false memories are typically created after a traumatized person has sobered up. So alcohol is no longer a factor at this point. This is a period when the person is trying to make sense of what happened the night before. They are trying to rationalize a traumatic event.

My ex claims she was drugged by some guy at a college party. I have seen her drunk on many occasions, and she doesn’t need drugs. After a night of drinking, she has no control of her behavior and will have no recollection of her behavior the following day. If you were to look at photos of her after a night of drinking, you would see a blank stare on her face like a raccoon caught in the headlights. That blank stare means she is checked out for the night. There is nothing normal nor healthy about this kind of reaction to alcohol. Yet she continues to drink.

Drinking to the point of dissociation is often a sign of childhood trauma. Detaching from reality is a coping mechanism. Survivors dissociate when they are sober, but obviously drinking facilitates the process. It is this detachment from reality that makes them more vulnerable to re-victimization and self-victimization. One man asks if alcohol can induce dissociative identity disorder (alter ego):

When this person drinks {which is not very often}her personality completely changes, she starts speaking in an English accent, but has never been out of the United States, her parents are from California……this person becomes extremely sexually aggressive,and then in the morning acts like nothing has happened, I dated this person for about 3 months and noticed this about 7 or 8 times, she was abused as a child but i do not know all the details,when not drinking she is a very articulate, smart, charming person…a good job and successful, I have met many people since our breakup that known her for 25 years, and I am not the only person who has seen this..I brought this up with her and now we do not talk anymore,but I still am concerned….also she has said things in this state to me that she totally denies the next day{I love you,I need you,don’t ever leave me,will you always protect me?}..always in an English accent..strange !!!

This man could very well be describing my ex. It is not hard to imagine how someone like this could end up being victimized. Bad things can happen when people pass out. These people have a proclivity for irresponsible behavior even when they are sober. This is not exclusive to women. A man who passes out in an alleyway could get mugged and beaten to death. A drunk driver could crash into someone’s living room and not even know it. A woman could wake up with a stranger on top of her. Alcohol only unleashes the irresponsibility that was already there.

But it’s also not hard to imagine why someone like this would live in denial. Their embarrassing behavior is actually an unfortunate product of child abuse. It is a pattern of self-destruction and acting out that will continue throughout their life until they seek treatment.

It’s not uncommon for survivors to construct elaborate cover-up stories. Ever wonder why rape advocates are so obsessed with “slut shaming”? These people are very aware of the stigma that comes with sexual assault. Rather than own up to their embarrassing behavior, they would rather say they were victimized. False accusations are a way of shifting the blame/shame and eliciting sympathy. It’s a form of denial. Long ago they learned that playing the victim is a way to avoid persecution. Whether this is a conscious decision or not is up for debate.

It is important to acknowledge that many of these women who repeatedly find themselves in questionable circumstances have a history of sexual abuse and profound emotional issues. My ex had a history of cutting her wrists and suffered from depression BEFORE she was allegedly raped. These lifelong emotional issues make them more vulnerable to predators than the average person. Rape is not as random as most advocates would like you to believe. Predators often target people who have been victimized before.

When we talk about false accusations, we’re not necessarily talking about people who are lying. We are also talking about people who are unable to remember what happened. The subconscious mind has a way of covering up things that are too painful to accept.

A person who has a history of trauma and alcoholism has a very loose grip on reality… if any. Even when they are sober. I have seen it with my own eyes. I have witnessed my borderline ex shifting in and out of reality. Changing her story as many times as she has told it. It would be absurd to expect this person to be able to tell the truth. They, themselves, have no idea what the truth is.

Someone who has been repeatedly victimized their whole life, may automatically assume they were raped. People who were abused as children, grow accustomed to mistreatment. Their expectations often become self-fulfilling prophecies. This condition causes them to assume the worst. False memories can also be coaxed by an irresponsible therapist or overzealous advocates.

People who have been sexually traumatized have a problem with memory recall and perception as it pertains to intimate relations. That is a fact, not an opinion. But one that is ignored by so-called rape advocates.

A person who has suffered past trauma like this is also susceptible to all kinds of triggers. That’s why feminist blogs are littered with trigger alerts. For all we know, drunken sex might have triggered memories of past sexual abuse. Past abuse that might have been suppressed and then resurfaced when the survivor was triggered. I couldn’t even touch my ex’s wrists without triggering memories of cutting herself. The line that separates reality from painful memories is always a thin one. There’s a reason why their accusations are questionable. These reasons should not be silenced by angry rape survivors.

Also we should not make the mistake of assuming that every woman who cries “rape” is an innocent victim. The myth is that these survivors are helpless waifs. I have dated my fair share of troubled women (including women with a history of sexual assault) and I can tell you they were some of the most manipulative and hateful women I’ve ever been with. Sure, when you first meet them, they may seem innocent and sweet. They play the damsel-in-distress to lure you in. But that is part of the illusion.

I treated every one of those women like a princess. I treated them with care and concern they have never seen before. I treated them better than they treat themselves. And they all paid me back with betrayal and outrageous accusations. I state this not to elicit sympathy, but to show you that victims can be bad people too. Conventional wisdom would suggest that survivors of abuse would be more considerate of others, but lifelong abuse often hardens one’s heart.

I can say all these things, because I have intimate knowledge of such people. I have been betrayed by these so-called “victims” over and over again. But even people who know the truth are afraid to speak it for fear of someone accusing them of being a rape apologist or a misogynist. But this is more proof that false accusations are quite common amongst the survivor/victim crowd. For people who grew up in a hostile environment, it is their most potent weapon and they are not afraid to use it.

We are talking about women who have been abused their whole life. That means they have been conditioned to accept abuse as well as dole it out. We’re talking about women who have a score to settle with MANkind. They are looking for an excuse to unleash that rage upon a man, any man. Even a loved one. These are women who secretly hate men. They have no problem using and abusing them and then discarding them. And maybe tarnishing that man’s reputation in the process to justify their own inhumane behavior. If they are willing to do this to a man they supposedly loved, then what’s to stop them from ruining a man they used for sex?

In the absence of physical violence, these silent abusers inflict emotional violence upon unsuspecting men. They would have you believe that society favors men, but these are women who know how to elicit sympathy. They know how to play a damsel-in-distress. They know how to use the law to their advantage. They have been abusing the victim card their whole life. And I can testify that they are much better at manipulating people than you are.

So when any one of these women cries wolf, I am extremely suspicious. If you’ve been keeping up with the Tigerbeatdown drama here on Savory Dish, you will have witnessed some of these troubled souls throwing around false accusations without effort. You have witnessed Shady Doyle confusing harsh criticism with abuse. And witnessed her accusing her own followers of being abusers. This is a master manipulator at work.

Even if we locked up all the rapists and alleged rapists of the world, I guarantee you these troubled people would still find trouble to get into. Their personal history tells me so. I have seen it with my own eyes. According to my borderline ex, she has been molested, cut her wrists, been raped and been mugged. Even if all of these were legitimate claims, doesn’t that seem troubling? Is it a coincidence that all these horrible things happened to one person. No. It isn’t. There is a pattern of behavior here. There are signs of trouble that should not be ignored.

When rape is questionable (which is NOT often), BOTH parties (alleged victim and alleged rapist) usually have a history of questionable behavior. A history of chaos and unnecessary drama. That’s what makes it questionable.

But even when rape accusations are real, there is still a question of why men with personality disorders and drinking problems end up raping women with similar issues. Birds of a feather flock together. Predators and victims all belong to the same dysfunctional club. It is an exclusive lifetime membership that is passed on from one generation to another. But advocacy groups and publications like Ms. magazine will never reveal this truth. Why? I think you know the answer.

False accusations involving any crime are relatively few and far between. Ms. Hallett has suggested that this means false accusations are not a problem. If your brother or father (someone you loved) was accused of rape, you would probably consider it a problem. A serious problem with devastating effects. But why is Ms. Hallett trying to diminish the pain of others?

As Ms. Hallett has pointed out, the percentage of false accusations are relatively small. That is because the percentage of people who are capable of such allegations is also small. But the small percentage of people who are afflicted with personality disorders and alcoholism is still a number in the millions. That’s a significant number. Remember- it only takes one person to ruin the rest of your life.

While I believe the vast majority of rape cases are legitimate… why is it those that are questionable always seem to involve alcohol abuse and personality disorders? Is that a coincidence? And why is Ms Magazine so determined to suppress this information? I was under the impression that feminism stood for the empowerment of all women, but it seems lately they are in the business of defending women of dubious reputation. Is this journalism? Or is this a personal vendetta dressed up as social activism?

Visit the Ms blog and you will find angry survivors defending a woman’s right to engage in risky behavior. Is this activism? Or is this irresponsible women defending their own bad choices? Are they rushing to defend women they don’t even know? Or are they fighting a much more personal battle?

We can all agree that rape is a horrible crime. We can all agree that rapists are vile scum. We can all agree that rapists should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. And only if it is a clear-cut case of rape.

But what if the circumstances are questionable? Ms magazine would have us presume that all accusations of rape are true, all of the accused- guilty, and all the accusers- righteous. But I say we need to look at all allegations with a careful eye.

If you think Ms magazine can do a better job of raising awareness about rape, write to the senior editor mkort@msmagazine.com

We Could Have Had It All

April 20, 2011

When you love someone, you put up with a lot. Maybe too much. But love shouldn’t hurt and people you love shouldn’t hurt you. But if they do hurt you, maybe that says a lot about how little they love you. Or how incapable they are of love.

When you love someone you’ll do anything for them. There was a time I would have done anything for my ex. But she couldn’t show me the same respect. There was a time when I actually felt sorry for her. But that all changes once you realize how little they actually care for you.

OK all you angry activists out there. If you wanna go apeshit about something. THIS is it. Wanna know why the global economy is in the shitter? Wanna know where your tax money is going? Wanna know where politicians (both Republicans and Democrats) are getting their campaign funding from? This is it. The biggest threat to the US is not terrorism or China, it’s companies like Goldman Sachs. Wake up people.

Please Don’t Leave Me

April 17, 2011

Pink does a pretty good borderline impersonation. She even looks like someone I use to know.

Sing along if you know the words. She’s singing about the “push and pull” abuse that is so common in BPD relationships. A borderline treats you like shit to push you away. And then when you start walking out the door, they put on their best wounded animal face and beg you to stay.

They will tell you how much you mean to them. And you will be flattered. Don’t be. You are nothing to them but a “perfect punching bag”. A stop-gap solution to fill the void. A cog that can be replaced at will, without regret. When an untreated borderline cries, “Please Don’t Leave Me”, they are buying time. Buying time till they find your replacement. Someone who will put up with the abuse. Someone they can more easily control. Or if they’re really filled with self-loathing, they’ll find someone who treats them as badly as they treated you.

Like Pink says, borderlines can be so very mean and nasty when they want you to know how much they hurt inside. If you’ve been reading this blog, you’ve seen how mean and nasty they can be… how cold and heartless. Maybe they won’t come after you with an axe. But they will cut you with words. They torture you with mind games. And if they’re really cruel, they’ll stab you in the back with false accusations and acts of infidelity. And then when you fight back, they’ll accuse you of abusing them.

But the fun doesn’t end there. Weeks after calling you an abuser, they’ll come running back to you for comfort. Because no one else puts up with their bullshit like you do. You would be crazy to stay with someone this messed up. But untreated borderlines are master manipulators. They have spent their whole lives avoiding abandonment. They will use every trick in the book to get you back.

They will tell you sob stories of abuse. Stories of crazy exes and even crazier parents. Stories of being violated in terrible ways. Borderlines always have an excuse for their bad behavior. They tell you these stories so you will say, “there there poor little helpless waif, I will stay by your side.” Tears will roll down their face as they promise you things they will never deliver on. They’ll promise never ever to hurt you again. But of course, they will.