Feminist vs Feminist

March 5, 2011

I love it when ignorant “feminists” are put in their place by other feminists. Mostly, because when I do it, they turn around and accuse me of misogyny. (eyes rolling) But when another feminist puts the smackdown on their own, these master manipulators are unable to use their false accusations, gross generalizations and demonization tactics. Suddenly, their smoke and mirror tricks are rendered useless in the face of rational thought. I’d like to share with you one of these magical moments.

MissLexington wrote:

So a lot of you have probably seen this tool already if you follow Sady Doyle on Tumblr, but I think he could use a good dose of Lesbian Shitass rage. Basically, this guy’s blog is a burn book dedicated to his ex who he has armchair diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder. This guy is a misogynist, ableist jerk. Be forewarned: this guy is a rape apologist, has some pretty awful things to say about mental illness/Borderline Personality Disorder, and he also censors comments to his blog. If you’re triggered by any of those things, I would steer clear. Otherwise, if you want a rage blackout on Monday, enjoy!

Did this whackjob just accuse me of being an ableist? Let’s clear this up- I have nothing against feminists. I have nothing against people with disorders. I have nothing against people who have been traumatized. But if you use any of these things as an excuse to be abusive, I will take you down. I will hold you accountable. Don’t feign moral indignation. Don’t start crying to your dysfunctional internet buddies. If you’re an abusive asshole be forewarned: you will get what’s coming to you.

Miss Lex is looking for a fight. She is filled with a lifetime’s worth of rage. I have triggered her fears of rejection and memories of abusive boyfriends. But this is a case of mistaken identity. I am not the man who abused her. But she is looking for a toxic waste dump. She needs to justify her “shitass” rage, so she demonizes me to create false sense of righteousness. She groups me with all the men who have abused her, because that’s what abused/abusive people do. Fortunately, Flaky (a feminist, a therapist and a survivor of a BPD relationship) straightened her out for me:

So I’ve actually read through a lot of the blog and none of the comments and I somewhat disagree with you here. Yes, this guy is a jilted bitter ex, but a lot of what he writes is spot on. Whether you call it BPD or Complex PTSD (the term most progressive mental health practitioners, including myself, prefer) many of the behaviours he describes are sadly, very typical. For example, many end up being revictimized repeatedly because of poor boundaries, self-medicating and problematic “friends”. This isn’t an indictment or blaming, it is simply fact. As abuse is often the cause/catalyst for CPTSD it is also something that perpetuates makes further abuse more likely. Similar to people who are in one abusive relationship after another. Again, this is not blaming the survivor/victim or excusing the abuser, the rapist is still 100% culpable, but in order to recover one needs to question, examine and change that behaviour. On a personal note, I dated someone with BPD. No arm-chairing here (Though I am, incidentally, a therapist), he was full on diagnosed and being treated BPD. I’m the last person to hold mental illness against someone, but I’ll be honest, it was incredibly hard to be with him and not view him as a batshit crazy asshole. It’s a year later and I still have a very difficult time reconciling my feelings about him. He was totally emotionally abusive and manipulative and brought out all sorts of crazy in me. I tried to stay by him because I understood that his behaviour was in a big part due to his illness. It still made my life hard and fucked with my emotions hard core. So I kinda get where this guy is coming from.

Looks like Miss Lex has just been schooled. Her hopes and dreams have been crushed. She was hoping to characterize me as an abusive ex. She was hoping that I had concocted this elaborate scheme to frame my ex. She like so many of her kind wanted to believe I made this stuff up. She wanted so badly to believe that my claims of abuse were illegitimate. But she was so caught up in her rage, she failed to consider that there may be other victims of BPD out there. Many of these victims are women. Some are feminists just like her. By falsely accusing me of lying she basically dismissed their suffering. Doh.

If I may offer a post-game analysis from my armchair, it would seem to me that Miss Lex has just been served a big glass of STFU. This is what happens when you’re an angry emo girl who types without knowing a thing about what you’re talking about. I don’t know what happened to Lex, but clearly it has left her mentally disabled. (oops, there goes my ableism again) Here she is foaming at the mouth like all her rabid kind, trying to act all bad-ass and self-righteous. Then Flaky walks in and bitch-slaps Miss Lex with a whole lotta knowledge. And suddenly a miracle happens: Miss Lex is rendered speechless.

With tail tucked between her legs, Miss Lex apologized for her crazy talk and offered her sympathy to Flaky. She apologized for being insensitive. Clearly, Miss Lex was embarrassed as demonstrated by her back-peddling. Funny, how she didn’t offer the same sympathy to me. Flaky calls her ex a batshit crazy asshole and fauxminists like Lex cry at her feet. I call my ex a crazy bitch and suddenly I’m a “tool” and a “douchebag”.

I’m sorry but didn’t Flaky basically confirm everything I was attacked for? I’ve been writing about poor boundaries, self-medicating and problematic “friends” for quite some time now.  But when I said it, I was labeled a misogynist and a jerk. Oh that’s right… I’m an evil and able man. I see how this works. It seems feminists like Miss Lex think “burning” an ex is ok as long as the ex is a man. This is known in feminist circles as gender bias.

Miss Lex is proof that a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing. You see, Miss Lex once took a feminist theory class, and now she thinks she knows everything. But most of the time she is talking out of her ass. Regurgitating what other feminist sheep have told her. She read the phrase “rape apologist” in a book one time and it changed her life. Now she no longer has to be responsible for her hostile behavior. She doesn’t have to bother using reason or logic, because she can just utter the words “rape apologist” and all the evil men will be neutralized.

The problem with silly little girls like Miss Lex is that they lack life experience, but yet they think they know everything there is to know about life.  Their life is a mess, but yet they think they can save the world. They act like spoiled brats and yet they think they stand on higher moral ground. Yes, they read a lot of books, but only books that support their dysfunctional behavior. Notice how ignorant Miss Lex is about PDs and PTSD. A crazy bitch like her could use that kind of self-awareness. But hey, who needs facts, when you’ve got chutzpah?!

What puzzles me is that here we have an exchange between a person who claims to be a therapist and a young woman who is clearly emotionally unstable. At no time, does the therapist (Flaky) make a comment about MissLex’s uncontrolled rage. Yes, she does correct her but only to establish the legitimacy of BPD victimhood (that is her own victimhood).

Furthermore, Flaky the therapist says she has a history of dating crazy men. I suppose that kind of makes me feel better, knowing that even a therapist can not resist the charms of a crazy lover. Dysfunctional patterns are hard to break even for someone well-versed in human psychology. But as much as I’d like to present Flaky as the superior feminist, I have to question her judgment. Did it not occur to her that Miss Lex shares a lot of the same qualities as her borderline ex? (black and white thinking, impulsivity, vindictive rage) Or is there some sort of gender force-field that prevents feminists from finding fault with their unhinged sisters?

Flaky, you accuse me of being an ass. But how would you react if a 100 nutjobs showed up at your home chanting non-stop insults and death threats? And then left without apologizing. How do you expect me to take these clowns seriously? How is one suppose to react to hostility? with hugs and kisses? Clearly they were looking for a rise. This is how people behave when they are addicted to chaos. You as a therapist should know that. I just gave them what they wanted. Why not chastise Lex and her team of rageoholics? Certainly, you are qualified to make such evaluations. I guess therapists can be biased too.

I’m not a therapist, so I don’t have to treat disordered people with the same reverence that you do. I can call people like Shady and Lex “crazy bitches” because I feel that accurately describes the way they behave. I’m not under professional obligation to play nicey nicey. If my hands are dirty, it’s because I’ve been dealing with dirty swine.

But at the end of all this conflict, even putzes like Miss Lex have learned a little something about themselves and the world around them. Even our Lancashire Troll has developed some self-awareness and a change of heart. And Shady and Co have softened their voices for their viewing public. While these are superficial changes, it’s a start.

So maybe… just maybe, I’m not as bad as you think I am.

Yes, it’s true. I am jilted and bitter. I am “burning” my borderline ex for all to see, because she has tried to hide her misdeeds and runaway from her past. She has spread lies and altered the truth. She deserves to answer for her shady behavior. The material here is based on science, facts and real life experience. Don’t take my word for it. Read up. See if you don’t find the same answers as I did. The science that is out there trumps whatever you learned in Feminist Theory 101. I know that makes some of you angry as hell, but you were probably angry before you met me.

Miss Lex says she’s bothered by my blog. I don’t doubt it. She’s angry for the same reason my ex is angry. They don’t like hearing the truth about themselves. They are desperate to shut this blog down because it reveals an unflattering side to these two-faced activists. In public, they present themselves as do-gooders, but in private they act like ill-mannered children. The uncontrolled rage and manipulative ways they have demonstrated for the last few weeks has only confirmed my observations.

Flaky, you were lucky. Your ex, as crazy as he was, had the decency to get diagnosed and seek treatment. Many like my ex remain untreated and have avoided getting properly diagnosed. They are currently living a lie. They continue to spread misery where ever they go. You have the satisfaction of your ex taking responsibility for his actions. I don’t.

I know you don’t care for my methods but I thank you for educating your fellow feminists about BPD. I thank you for legitimizing the claims of abuse by millions of ex-partners. I invite you to tell your story here.

And Miss Lex, thank you for a good laugh and the free publicity. Maybe next time you’ll do some research before you open that big mouth of yours. I think you need to focus on you, not me. Your rage is not righteous. It is misdirected and out of control.  The only person you’re fighting for is yourself. No one has the right to act like an unhinged bitch. Save yourself before you pretend to save the world.

XOXO

41 Responses to “Feminist vs Feminist”

  1. savorydish said

    My problem with people like Shady and Lex is not that they have been traumatized. It’s that they spread their irrational rage across the blogosphere. Encouraging young and impressionable women that it’s cool to behave like an unhinged bitch. I want people to know how disturbed these people really are.

  2. savorydish said

    Maybe this quote from Shady Doyle will give you some insight to why these women are so unhinged:
    I also have one really fucked-up parent. I mean: A really, REALLY fucked-up parent. Imagine the worst blog comment you’ve ever gotten. Then imagine that blog comment coming via phone call, at 2 AM, from your Dad, on the regs, despite the fact that you haven’t spoken to him in ten years. And then it ends with him saying that he doesn’t know why you don’t love him anymore, and why don’t you two ever see each other? As far as my Dad knows, I am still dating my college boyfriend and working as a minor office admin at a nearby university. If I am going to be public, a major part of being public is making sure that my Dad doesn’t know it. This is another, very large reason why I work under a pen name.

    • savorydish said

      All it takes is one fucked up parent to produce one fucked up child. Until that fucked up child gets treated they will continue this family tradition of lashing out. It is not ok to lash out at total strangers just because your fucked up parents traumatized you.

    • savorydish said

      Shady has no problem condemning her borderline father. But she is certain my borderline ex is innocent. Even though she doesn’t know her. She knows the unmistakable signs of BPD, but she is convinced that my ex is BPD free. She is convinced that she herself is BPD free.

  3. savorydish said

    What troubles me is that these fauxminist present their opinions and theories as facts. When their “facts” fly in the face of what is actually scientific fact. To the ignorant masses they sound educated and enlightened. But to those who know, they sound like a bunch of ignoramuses.

  4. savorydish said

    What shocks me is how ignorant these so-called survivor advocates are about re-victimization. Here’s an article about Tila Tequila in Ms Magazine’s blog. I made a similar comment to the one Flaky made here. I was subsequently banned from commenting because the admins didn’t care for my stance.
    http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2010/10/12/is-tila-tequila-too-sexy-for-privacy-rights/

  5. savorydish said

    You’ve said your good-byes twice now. And you keep coming back to ask me the same question. What’s the point? It’s not your place to question me. Belaboring the topic is not going to get the response that you want.

    • savorydish said

      No offense, but at this point it really does seem like you are avoiding dealing with your own issues.

      • savorydish said

        You might want to do some thinking yourself. Is it possible the reason why you’re so obsessed with my anger is because you have suppressed your own? I have given myself permission to be angry. I am displaying the appropriate amount of anger. I am directing it at the person who caused me harm. Have you? You may want to consider that you have deprived yourself of that right. And now you’re projecting your anger onto me. Take care of yourself Evan.

  6. skyeee said

    “All it takes is one fucked up parent to produce one fucked up child. Until that fucked up child gets treated they will continue this family tradition of lashing out. It is not ok to lash out at total strangers just because your fucked up parents traumatized you.”

    Bingo ! You can only use a fucked up parent/childhood/experience as an excuse for so long. It doesn’t give you a pass to not accept responsibility for your own damn behaviors and actions.

    • savorydish said

      Take a good look at this woman, Tigerbeaters. She is the true definition of badass. This woman has been through hell and back and she still has the strength to accept responsibility for her condition.
      All you little girls who lash out and act out, you’re just frontin’. Nothing but posers and wannabees.

      • savorydish said

        And if my ex is reading this, she should take a good look at Skye too. While you’re running away from your past, women like Skye are facing it head on. While you are fiercely in denial, she has the strength to acknowledge everything she’s done. Stop using your past as an excuse to act like a coward.

      • skyeee said

        If your ex is reading this, she should contact me. We could relate on a lot of levels. Unfortunatly.

        Thankfully, as you said, I have accepted responsibility. It is probably one of the most painful things to do. Afterwards, one of the most rewarding.

      • savorydish said

        Thank you Skye. I hope she takes you up on that offer. I hope they all do.

        I can’t possibly know how painful it is. But I hope that if they see that you can do it, then they will believe they can too. I can’t possibly know what it’s like to have her life, but maybe you can. Maybe she will listen to you.

        when it comes down to it, I think she’s just scared. Maybe you can inspire her to take that first step.

  7. savorydish said

    For those of you who may be confused by Flaky’s mentioning of CPTSD, it might be better described as PTSD with traits of BPD. I don’t know if all therapists would agree with Flaky, that one term can be substituted over another. As I understand it, not all BPD is created by trauma. Personally, I leave that debate to the pros. I’m more concerned with the abusive behaviors of such individuals.

    • savorydish said

      I’m always skeptical when someone who was abused by a BPD or bipolar parent, says they don’t have either BPD or PTSD. CPTSD is caused by prolonged abuse, as in a child raised by an abusive or alcoholic parent. Even if the child doesn’t have the biological components for BPD, I would be surprised if they aren’t conditioned by their parent’s borderline behavior.

      The two primary signs one would look for is splitting and the fear of abandonment. These are defense-mechanisms that manifest itself in intimate relationships. So even an associate may not notice these signs. And that is why sometimes a partner is in a better position to diagnose a BP. A BP can and sometimes will lie to a therapist. That’s why it is so hard to diagnose. And why many therapist refuse to treat BPs. Unfortunately, lies and manipulations are very much part of the condition. This includes self-delusion.

      If I’m always praising Skye, it’s because I know how hard that first step of acceptance is.

  8. savorydish said

    Dear Baby Garland,

    I see you and Lex Stupor are still trolling for social justice.lol. Oh the delusions of grandeur.

    Maybe you two can teach me how to be more abusive. I’m always on the look out for people to groom for abuse. But why continue my search when attention whores like yourself are so eager for a good beating.

    I can only hope to be as tragic and douchey as you three.

    • savorydish said

      ps- you seem to know a lot about my ex. Do you two spend a lot of time together? Say 8 months? Or do you just imagine what it’s like to have relationships with human beings?

      yes, it’s true my ex has moved on. If you knew anything about borderline abusers, you would know that “moving on” is part of their MO. That is the luxury one enjoys when they use people. It will only be a matter of time when she “moves on” again. What you call moving on, people who know call hit and run. Abusers run when they can no longer hide their abuse. Ask Shady, she knows this behavior better than me.

      You on the other hand seem to know very little about what you talk about. I can see that has been a problem with you lately. You seem to suffer from the personality disorder known as foot-in-mouth disease.

    • savorydish said

      When Baby Garland calls me a tragic douche he is of course talking about himself (projection) and his tragic crew. Abusers always accuse others of abuse. These are the traumatized creeps my borderline ex associates with -people who abuse for “social justice”. And then she wonders why her life is filled with tragedy after tragedy. If you wanna know who the real abuser is, read up on how lifelong trauma affects people.

    • savorydish said

      I just wish you could admit that this is no longer about my ex. You don’t care about her. You don’t even know her. This about those bullies who picked on you when you were a kid. Be man enough to admit that I bruised your fragile ego. You stuck your nose where it doesn’t belong and now you’re mad at me for making you look stupid. So mad you’re willing to continue the lie. This does nothing for your public image.

    • savorydish said

      lol@Baby Garland telling me to move on when he’s dedicated his whole life to seeking revenge upon perceived bullies. now that’s rich.

      • savorydish said

        Lawfulneutral said: 8 months? seriously? I thought I could not be any more surprised and grossed out than I already was, but I was wrong!
        msavignon said: This whole thing is over a relationship that was only 8 months?!

        My dear TigerDowners,
        This is not about the 8 months I wasted with my ex. It’s about the lifetime I spent having to deal with silent abusers just like my ex. Just like you. I know you are desperately looking for a way to dismiss my abuse and diminish my pain, but that only demonstrates the cover-up that is so common amongst silent abusers. It’s an illustration of how cold-hearted trauma survivors can be. You’ve all been outed. You’re just too self-absorbed to know it.

      • savorydish said

        Silent abusers will say they only lash out at people who deserve it. But when you are dealing with a person who has a history of abuse (both giving and receiving) they always find a way to rationalize their uncontrolled rage. They will find a way to demonize you or diminish your humanity.

  9. savorydish said

    Dear Lex Stupor,
    Why didn’t you accuse Flaky of burning her ex?

  10. savorydish said

    Their club is called TigerBeatdown. Abuse is in their moniker and they accuse me of being abusive. Miss Lex describes her condition as “white female rage” and I’m the abusive one. Do you see a pattern of denial here? These aren’t activists. These are maladjusted teeny boppers who are so bored they have to create demons to give their life meaning. If it weren’t for me, they’d be collecting gifs all day.

  11. savorydish said

    I want you to see them in action, because I want you to see how manipulative silent abusers can be. They accuse me of abuse just so they can abuse someone they don’t even know. Rationalization is essential if they are to sleep at night.

  12. savorydish said

    What’s sad is that Flaky the Therapist has basically told them I’m right and they’re wrong. But yet they still cry wolf. This is how sad and pathetic these people are. Even when the truth has been slapped across their faces, they still deny. Their life is so dull they go looking for fights they can’t possibly win.

    • savorydish said

      If you wanna know why my ex is afraid of therapy, just look how at Lex and Garland react to being reminded that they are living a lie.
      http://misslexington.tumblr.com/page/2
      A therapist has just told them that they are flat out wrong but yet they continue to tell lies. Denial is strong with these ones.
      It’s so sad. They continue to demonize me just so they can deny their foolishness. This isn’t about my ex. It’s about their fragile egos.

      • savorydish said

        A therapist has just told them that abusive behavior is typical of people with C-PTSD. And yet they still insist my traumatized ex is innocent.
        At best these people are exploiting my ex’s alleged rape to further their agenda.

  13. savorydish said

    What scares me is how many young and naive feminists look to these people for misinformation.

  14. savorydish said

    This comment brought to you by a reader appropriately named Ritard:

    haha this is actually fantastic. he has nothing better to do than write anonymous comments on a blog of someone he doesn’t know.

    Oh how they project.

  15. savorydish said

    Hi Jamie Johnston,
    The only reason why I’m responding to you is because you seem like a sincerely nice person. I would have quoted you but you left what appears to be a small novel. I can tell you don’t have a troubled past, because you seem very reasonable. But I must say your comments seem to be very naive and misguided. I know that sounds insulting, but I don’t mean to slam you. I just find your comments to be totally off-base, and indicative of someone who doesn’t have a lot of life experience. Sadly, you seem to be the kind of person Garland and Shady target. I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t read your entire comment, but I skimmed through most of it. So I’ll try to answer your points in broad strokes.

    You admit that you know nothing of disorders or trauma, but yet you say I’m wrong. What are you basing your opinions on? What Shady and Garland have fed you? If you had read this post, you would see that even feminists and therapists have confirmed my research. I also have readers who have been diagnosed with BPD who have also confirmed the info on my blog, so I’m not sure why you think I am misinforming the public.

    I can see you have been fed the typical feminist theory 101 babble that I hear so often, but scientific facts trump feminist theory. I have nothing against feminism. I just don’t care for bullshit. The fact is when someone is traumatized, their decision making skills are severely impaired. If you don’t believe me, you can ask a trauma specialist and they will tell you the same thing.

    Just FYI Shady and Garland have informed me that they are trolling me to “upset me or make me feel bad”. Or what they call “trolling for social justice”. So you are also wrong in that aspect. Luckily, I am immune to the taunts of children. But the fact that you weren’t able to see that for yourself suggests to me that you have trouble seeing things as they are.

    I do invite criticism, which is why I have spent the time to answer people’s comments. Like yours. But unfortunately do to the recent hostile attacks by your Tiger friends, I can not allow people to bum rush this blog. I have also deleted comments that are basically repeats of what has been said before.

    Sorry I can’t address all your issues. As I have many trolls to feed. But I invite you to stay and read.

    • savorydish said

      You should also know that I didn’t invite any of you TigerBeaters here. That was my ex’s doing. But if your TBers are going to incite hostility then they should be prepared to get what’s coming to them. Although I appreciate your concern for their well-being, they have brought this hardship on themselves. Perhaps you can explain why a nice boy like yourself hangs out with emotionally troubled goofballs.

      • savorydish said

        And no I don’t think all TigerBeaters are emotionally troubled. As you have shown me. But I do see a lot of naive youngsters being manipulated by people who are troubled. You should read up on the science of cults and the mob mentality.

      • savorydish said

        Also don’t expect me to take the time to read your lengthy comments, when you haven’t taken the time to actually understand what I’m saying. This is my other problem with junior feminists-They hear what they want to hear. and then they blather on and on about stuff they really have no understanding of. They just regurgitate what they’ve read somewhere. Instead of being free-thinkers.

        Jamie seems like a nice boy, but he shares the same foot-in-mouth disease as Lex and Garland.

  16. Rose said

    Flaky is a negative advocate and needs more training. BPDs may have complex PTSD too, but these conditions are not the same thing because of some similarities. Her opinion may be personally profitable by offering ineffective therapy but it only sets up future failures from misdiagnosis.
    It’s probably more true to say that dating a BPD puts a person at risk for developing complex PTSD as as result of the abuse they experience.

    • savorydish said

      Thanks for your input, Rose. That is a good distinction. So what you’re saying is BPD is genetic and Complex PTSD is the result of the borderline being repeatedly abused?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: