Ah the Old Country

March 2, 2011

I think this funny little tv commercial might have provided some insight into why my ex feels so much shame. You gotta love yia yia. She means well, but her abusive ways are passed from one generation to another. When you’re watching it on YouTube, you can laugh. But when this is what you grew up with, you develop some serious self-esteem issues.

A judgmental comment like this seems harmless and laughable. But when compounded over time, it takes its toll on a person’s well-being. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. A person who grows up in this environment, will grow up to engage in questionable behavior and then feel tremendous shame afterwards.

Take a look at the TigerBeatdowners and you will see the sum total of this Old World shaming. You will see women with serious inferiority-complexes. Women who become victims. Victims who then become obsessed with victimhood and shame.

And while these angry fauxminists are quick to blame the Patriarchy, their shame most likely has been passed down from yia yia to mama. From mama to daughter.

2 Responses to “Ah the Old Country”

  1. savorydish said

    There’s a lesson here about misdirected anger. My ex secretly hates her mother. I know this because a week did not go by, without my ex recounting a story about her abusive mother. I became her therapist.

    Comments like the one in this commercial seem harmless enough. But over time, it fills a child with rage and shame. But of course, it’s unacceptable to be angry at your mama or your yia yia. So they hide the anger. It builds up inside of them like a pressure-cooker.

    Who do you think becomes the recipient of this rage? That’s right. Would-be boyfriends and husbands become the receptacle for piled-up emotional garbage.

    Women like my ex and Shady devote their whole lives to demonizing men. But it was probably a woman who damaged their self-esteem. A woman who abused them.

    When these women are not abusing their loved ones, they are seeking the company of abusive men. Men who do not wear signs around their necks. But even so, most of us know to stay away from these creeps. Not so for these women. A victim of this kind of maternal abuse seeks abusive relationships, because this is what she experienced in her formative years. If she is lucky enough to stumble upon someone who treats her well, she will most likely freak out and run. She has been conditioned to believe she is undeserving of such love.

  2. savorydish said

    Abuse is a culture. People who grew up with abuse, not only subject themselves to more abuse, they also perpetuate it. The old model of abuser vs. victim needs to be tossed out.

    People who have been victimized since childhood often go on to abuse loved ones in their adulthood. We need a new model. One that recognizes this cycle of abuse.

    Victims turned abusers deserve compassion. But they need help. It is their responsibility to get that help. If not, they are willingly perpetuating the cycle.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: