Oh Dear (update)

February 8, 2011

(Originally, this post was linked to her post. A post where she went off on me about speaking to her mom. Who, by the way, contacted me. In the post she compared me to her abusive borderline dad. The man who abused Sady and her mother. A post that made her look like a raving lunatic. That post has mysteriously disappeared. As you can see, she has had some time to regain her composure. I have asked her to take down the offending posts towards me. Instead, she has taken down the post that makes her look like a crazy bitch.)

I have opened up a can of worms.

Shady Sady’s past is darker than I thought.

But why attack me Shady and then play victim? I don’t know you. You don’t know me.

Why start a bloody battle with someone you don’t even know?

Why start a fight you can’t emotionally finish?

What did you think would happen after you launched a vicious smear campaign on me? Did you think I would roll over and play dead?

Did you think I would cry myself to sleep?

And now you have the audacity to play the role of the damsel in distress, the poor helpless waif. After being so vicious and cold-hearted.

Little Shady Doyle you act big and tough on the blogoshpere, but I now see that behind the emerald curtain you are just another frightened child.

Please… for your sake, your mother’s sake and my conscience, accept the olive branch I have extended to you. I have given you and your mother fair conditions for peace. They are totally reasonable requests- post a formal apology, acknowledge your abusive behavior and take down the offensive posts. I see no reason to continue this silly blog war. Do you?

26 Responses to “Oh Dear (update)”

  1. savorydish said

    Karen Doyle,

    Please… as one concerned human being to another- please talk some sense into your daughter. She is hurting. I can tell. But I didn’t start this war with her. She did. I am willing to put an end to this if she is willing to own up to the fact that she has been using me as an emotional punching bag. She is lashing out at me for pain that was caused long ago by someone else.

    • savorydish said

      Karen Doyle,

      It’s been fun and games up until this point.
      But now it is evident that your daughter has some serious issues going on. Issues that were created long before she met me. She has cast me as the devil, but she is fighting demons from long ago. It sounds like you have been through some dark times yourself.
      Your daughter is a fighter. But she is in no condition to fight me or any other person for that matter. The drama that has unfolded on this blogosphere is only a glimpse into what is going on in that turbulent head of hers.

      She (like me ex) needs serious help. She keeps lashing out at me thinking I’m going to fall. But all she is doing is re-opening wounds that were there since childhood. That is not meant to be an insult to your family. It is a fair and honest observation. You don’t need to be therapist to see that she is in serious pain.

      But I will not allow her to take me down with her. So it is up to you to save the day. She will listen to her loving mother. I hope this gets to you.

      • Miss K said

        Are they still at it? its amazing that their still around, they crave drama, and too much of it. Starve them from it, wink wink 🙂
        Come on, SD doesnt deserve this, and it isn’t anyones business diving into someone’s elses affairs/issues with an ex, esp when you dont know him personally or his rship to his ex, quit poking SD, and get 2 side of the story before you attack anyone, he aint the bad guy!!

      • savorydish said

        thanks ms k,
        let’s hope the message gets through.

      • savorydish said

        And yes, I think it is best at this point to starve them.
        I’m already deleting repeat offenders without reading. Just because I bored of the same rant.

      • Miss K said

        Savorydish, I have noticed there is a bit of a time change, what side of the world are you from?

      • Miss K said

        Starving them is a great option, they love the attention, so now that we know that, keep deleting them like you are doing and ignore them, there not winning, they are just running out of fuel, they will yap and yap till they notice the only ppl answring them back is there own echos, drama is there food, so now that we know what they love so much, take it away from them 🙂

      • savorydish said

        They bait me by spreading nasty lies about a relationship they know nothing about, and then when I fight back they accuse me of abusing them. That’s their schtick. very shady people. very disturbed people.

      • Miss K said

        There behaviour is so uncool. They just enjoy ripping good ppl to shreds, pure evilness, and they have a sense of enjoyment doing this. I mean, its none of there business about your rship, why do they keep going on and on about it. Is your ex still sending them over here? she is nuts!!! Im glad you have moved on from her. Why cant she respect your space and your healing and why she needs to create world war 3, she seriously is not over her rship with you, its a clear case of still wanting to control you and what you write and how you should feel, do these BP’s ever give up?!! its exhausting that they have such an enormous amount of negative energy to keep this going. Can you block them from seeing your page?

      • savorydish said

        This is what they do. They create chaos and drama wherever they go. What’s hilarious is that Shady Sady thinks shitstarting is her job. These people have no purpose in life other than making a nuissance of themselves. This is the company my ex keeps. Why? Because they affirm her Victim Status. Thanks for your concern, but I can handle them. Their actions hurt them more than me. The advantage of being emotionally stable. The comments have dropped off considerably because these people eventually burn out. You can only maintain a temper tantrum for so long.

      • Miss K said

        Ps: Big wave to you Nth Americans, u guys Rock!! I only got back from there 2months ago, thank god i had left before the blizzards, I hope ur all rugged up, brrrrrr

      • savorydish said

        yeah welcome to the Ice Age.

  2. savorydish said

    Barry Buss
    Are you trying to win the award for world’s biggest prick. Because I’ll hand you the award right now. You just have to bend over.
    I think I am beginning to see your relationship in all of this.

  3. savorydish said

    To my stubborn Ex,

    How many more people need to get hurt before you realize you could have ended this a long time ago? What’s the point in escalating all of this. Why do you always feel the need to bring others into our disputes?

  4. savorydish said

    The comments are starting to sound the same, so I have started deleting without reading.

  5. savorydish said

    Your fearless leader is crumbling as we speak. All you people who are trying to get your last licks in are extending a war that is causing her to have an emotional breakdown. If you people have any soul, you will think long and hard about what you are doing to her. You could be encouraging her to put a peaceful end to all this, but instead you’re here playing kid games. How far are you willing to take this? How many more people need to get hurt?

  6. savorydish said

    Karen Doyle,
    Your daughter is screaming for help.
    Can’t you see that?

  7. skyeee said

    Okay, I tried to be logical and nice at the beginning…but someone tell that Sady asshole to shut the fuck up and leave people the fuck alone. Testify ?! Does she go to school ? Does she have a job ?! She seems to be dying for entertainment. Get that bitch some Netflix.

  8. savorydish said

    yes Cardigan my dear,
    every time I read your comments it puts shivers in my spine. now run along.

  9. Sunny said

    Hi. Long time listener, first time caller! Just kidding, in all honesty, a friend of mine who came here because of the Sady Doyle dust-up sent me a link to your blog and asked what I thought of it, and after looking at it, I thought I would comment. You may choose not to post my comment, but that’s alright, I promise not to be offended 🙂

    Anyway, just by way of introduction, I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 19 (which is why my friend sent the link to me, btw). I also experienced a physically and emotionally abusive relationship (I was the one being abused in that situation), and have suffered from clinical depression. I am now in my early 40’s, married (8 years and counting!), with two great kids, and have a career as an attorney. So, I suppose you could say that I met my dark side head-on, and came out on top. With that background for context, I have some comments that you can take as you will.

    First, one of the things that got me past my prior abusive relationship was just letting go. As you did, we went to therapy. It was couples therapy, so we met with a therapist together and separately once a week for about two months. We finally stopped because it really had no impact on the unhealthy way that we dealt with each other, with the exception of when we were actually at the therapist’s office.

    However, one useful thing that the therapist did for me was to help put it all into perspective. I had told the therapist that I thought my then-boyfriend was a narcissist. My therapist (rightfully and ethically) refused to engage in that kind of a discussion with me, but did tell me that it isn’t at all unusual for the person in the relationship who was feeling rejected (as I was) to want to demonize the other person, which includes accusing them of being ill or evil, or otherwise wrong in some way. To this day I have no idea whether this particular ex-boyfriend of mine was actually a narcissist or not, and it honestly doesn’t matter to me anymore. I do know that he hurt me terribly, both emotionally and on a couple of occasions, physically, but the why’s of the situation are no longer relevant to me. The reason for that is that I finally internalized the second part of my therapist’s advice on that topic, which was that him not caring enough about me to stop hurting me had nothing to do with me or whether I was worth caring about or not. His behavior was all on him.

    It took a little time to realize, but the truth of the matter was that there are some people with whom we just cannot, and will not ever, be able to form lasting relationships with, for whatever reason. And when that happens, the best plan of action in order to preserve your own mental well-being is to just accept it, and walk away.

    Similarly, I don’t have any idea whether your ex-girlfriend has BPD, and I have a sneaking suspicion that you really don’t know either. But the question I would ask you is whether it really matters? Maybe she’s mentally ill, maybe she’s a mega-bitch, or maybe she’s just young and wanted out of the relationship, but wasn’t brave or mature enough to just end it. Either way, she ended up hurting your feelings.

    I honestly believe that the majority of the relationship pain and drama that people go through is attributable to people who simply should not be together, and fail to recognize and act on it. Instead, they hang on and on, either because they don’t want to be the “bad guy” by breaking up with the other person, or they’re afraid to be alone, or because they feel like being the rejected one in the relationship means that they’re not lovable. Then, the hanging on and on makes both people miserable, and inevitably, someone walks away emotionally scarred from the experience. The most liberating thing in my life was realizing that I could just walk away and end it, and that how he felt about me had no relevance in my life.

    I really hope you get to that liberating place someday, and go back to blogging about food. Your recipes sound delicious. I am going to try to make that cream of potato soup that you made by accident.

    • savorydish said

      Sunny,

      I’ve posted your comment because of your sunny disposition and because you complimented my cream soup. And also because you took the time to share your story. So your concern is appreciated. But I respectfully disagree with you. When someone has BPD it brings with it many difficult issues. Issues like depression, traumatic memories and emotional triggers. Issues so troubling that it makes compatibility a moot point. Nobody is compatible with BPD. Untreated, BPD is not compatible with intimacy.

      It really doesn’t matter whether or not my ex is borderline or not. BPD is just a label for a set of behaviors recognized by the mental health community. And while extremists like Sady claim that it is over-diagnosed. I believe it is often misdiagnosed as bipolar or something else. My ex is also a twin survivor which could also create borderline type behavior. You can call it whatever you want, but her behavior is not normal or healthy

      The point of this blog is not to poke fingers in people’s wounds. But to make people aware of this terrible condition and to show how it affects relationships. It brings awareness to people who may not even be aware they are being abusive. I’m sure there are a lot of people who would like me to sweep all of this under the rug. But that’s why BPD still remains a problem- lack of awareness and lack of action. Would you tell a feminist to move on? Would you tell a rape survivor to move on?

      I’m not here to offend those with BPD. Some of my regulars are BP. I’m here to facilitate understanding and promote awareness. My girlfriend and my relationship are only entry points. I am not a therapist, so I can only speak from the heart and validate through my own experiences. Does this make sense?

      This is not an obsession. This is a commitment I have made to myself and others just like me. This blog has been very liberating for me. Because as I write these memories down, they become less and less painful. Writing is a form of liberation. But I thank you for speaking with kindness and sincerity.
      And I hope you will stay. This blog needs more people like you to bring happiness and perspective. Take care.

      • savorydish said

        To all you wet diapers out there,
        take a look at Sunny’s post, this how to behave like a human being.

      • Sunny said

        I understand where you’re coming from, SD. The only thing I would really warn you against is letting this control your life. I can’t tell you how badly I wanted my former boyfriend to acknowledge how horribly he treated me; it just ate me up inside. I let it go, though, because I realized that my determination to get him to acknowledge my pain was just as unhealthy as our relationship had been. Continuing to react to his actions meant that he was still controlling me. Letting go allowed me to be in control of myself.

        Anyway, one other thing that helped me quite a bit was (don’t laugh) a zen koan called “Is that so?” Here’s the link: http://www.ashidakim.com/zenkoans/3isthatso.html

        Now, I’m not religious, spiritual, buddhist, New Agey, or anything like that, but this really resonated with me. To me it meant that the truth was the truth, regardless of words, and that doing the right thing should never require any motivation, other than to do the right thing. You might get something else out of it (or nothing, it is a koan after all), but I wanted to share.

        Try to be happy 🙂

      • savorydish said

        Thank you Sunny,

        I am well aware of the negative effect this relationship has had on me. But I’m doing fine. I always have cooking, dancing and a glass of wine every now and then to bring me back to life. I’m not all gloom and doom. In a way, this blog has become a trash bin for all my bad memories. I don’t ever talk about this business in the outside world. And I don’t think it’s good for people to keep things locked up. I’m sure eventually I will have said everything that needs to be said. But for now this works for me. Thanks for keeping me in check.

        Thanks again for your sincere concern.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: