Self-Victimization Strikes Again

January 31, 2011

I’m sure you’ve seen this viral video a hundred times by now. The original vid is a security cam catching a woman falling into a fountain pool because she’s too busy texting. I hate to laugh. But how can you not? Now she’s on a legal rampage, suing the mall because they publicly humiliated her. So what is her solution? Appear on television to further embarrass herself. You can hardly make out her face in the video, but yet somehow she feels she has been exploited. Was it wrong for the mall to post the video on YouTube? Probably. But surely our justice system has better things to do.

Has the phrase “She’s so borderline” been coined yet? Because I would like to apply it to this woman. Any healthy individual would have sought the shelter of anonymity. But she felt compelled to make a public spectacle of it all. What pops out at me is the unquenchable thirst for attention. Then of course you have the self-victimization or possible re-victimization (which points to a troubled past).

I guess one could argue that I’m making a public spectacle of my borderline relationship. Maybe this is why I had so much difficulty calling myself a victim. The last thing I wanted was to be guilty of self-pity. It was only after reading the stories of other victims before I became comfortable with that label. It was only after reading article after article detailing the abusive patterns of borderlines, before I believed I was abused. It was only after my ex had spent a good part of three months badmouthing me and turning our personal conflict into a public war, before I even considered telling my side of the story.

So where do you draw the line between legitimate victimhood and self-victimization? For me, it starts with motivation. If you observe any narcissistic borderline there is a clear pattern of attention-seeking. This woman is milking the limelight for all it’s worth. She wants sympathy. She wants to feel important.  It also comes back to self-awareness. This woman seems to lack it. Whereas a healthy person would have thought about the ramifications of such behavior, the habitual self-victimizer jumps right in, head first. It’s this impulsiveness that strikes me as typical borderline drama.

An emotionally-battered partner of a borderline, however wrestles with the idea of talking about their drama. They are embarrassed and reluctant to share it with others. Which may be why awareness of BP abuse is so low. The last thing these people want is attention. They are only driven by the need to find answers to a troubling scenario. They are only driven by the need to tell their side of the story. A partner has every right to feel victimized after being betrayed by someone they once loved with all their heart.

The abuse suffered by victims of an abusive borderline partner is real. Science and logic support our claims. The rantings of a borderline “victim”, however, are always subject to scrutiny. Their shady history casts a shadow of doubt over any claims of victimization. A borderline will sometimes claim to be the victim just to avoid the shame and guilt of being the abuser.

You’ve seen this behavior before. Narcissistic borderlines are not shy. The Tila Tequilas and the Paris Hiltons of the world are always eager to put on a show. The parents of Balloon Boy are part of an attention-whore epidemic. Borderline types are constantly abusing their victim status, abusing the court system, and abusing the trust of others.

Sure, at one time in their tragic history, borderlines could have legitimately claimed to be victims. Statistically speaking, they are actually more likely to be victims of a crime than the average person. But the questions arise when they become addicted to the attention. They realize it is an easy way to get sympathy. It becomes another quick fix for a suffering ego. On an instinctual level, we all recognize this woman’s actions as an abuse of victim’s rights, but I think it’s still important to point it out. We need to let untreated BPs know that this is not appropriate or acceptable behavior. We need to let them know we’re on to their act.

2 Responses to “Self-Victimization Strikes Again”

  1. Driver said

    Good article. Here is an update on this women (in video).

    No trial and no money for her. Plus, she was found guilty of retail and credit card theft in the past (3 months in jail, $5000 owed to victim).

    Google her name and you’ll find the updated info on her.

    Thank god!

    • savorydish said

      That doesn’t surprise me. Women who manipulate the system and play the victim are extremely shady. Troubled women are the worst abusers of the legal system.

      Thanks for the update.

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