Busy Day

January 26, 2011

What the…  traffic has more than quadrupled today. Thank you to the members of BPDFamily for your kind words. And welcome to all the new visitors.

9 Responses to “Busy Day”

  1. Miss K said

    Yay!!! the awarness is spreading, Thank you Savoury Dish 🙂

  2. savorydish said

    Thank you for your support =)

  3. gerry said

    Been on the other BPD boards for several years, but your clarity is refreshing—perhaps because it resonates so much with me–same situations. Anyway, thanks and keep writing.

    • savorydish said

      I have found an odd kind of comfort in knowing others have been through the exact same thing. Not because I wish this on anyone else, but it confirms what I have been through. It brings some sanity to the madness. Thanks for the support Gerry and I will keep writing.

    • savorydish said

      ps- If you ever wish to share your story here. You are more than welcome to.

  4. gerry said

    Ha! Long, long story so I’ll cut to the chase so to speak…Was in an 11-year relationship with my udbpdgf though I knew her for about 18. Ours was a long-distance relationship (70 miles) for a long time, but we spent every weekend and vacations together. When we first started seeing each other, we were both coming out of divorces. She was 25k in debt and couldn’t find a decent job (no college degree). I hired her to work freelance for me which dissolved her debt and found her a 50k a year job that she was wholly unqualified for but grew into.
    The beginning was typical of so many of these relationships–idealization etc. Like many, I felt that I had found my soulmate. In retrospect, she essentially ‘went away’ after I switched jobs and the freelance gig went away. I guess my usefulness to her went away, too. The end was pure hell. The battling seemed never ending and many involved my relationship with my then-18-year-old daughter. Of all the dumb-ass things I did while with my ex, the one thing I’m proudest of is that my relationship with my kid was a non-negotiable issue. I wouldn’t compromise on any of it and that drove her (gf) nuts for some reason. Jealousy (which made zero sense to me) was certainly part of it.

    Anyway, I moved in with my gf in Sept. of ’09 and, frankly, it was a disaster and, of course, all my fault LOL. If I took out the trash and forgot to replace the bag, I was screamed at. If I took her clothes out of the dryer, where they often sat for days on end, so that I could do my laundry (once a week and she NEVER offered once to do my laundry), I was an ass cause I treated her stuff without respect. I was accused of never trying to be part of her household cause I kept a lot of my stuff in duffel bags so as to keep them out of her way–there was zero storage space for my stuff. I rented an apartment and had the car packed at least once cause I couldn’t handle the constant craziness, but we (I) tried to work it out. Went to MC–didn’t work and in late June she asked me to leave. There’s of course lots more to the tale–money issues, etc. etc.–but what’s been hardest for me to get over is how she has shut the door and turned her back on 11 years–just like that. She’s cut both me and my daughter off without shedding a tear or looking back. I just can’t fathom it. I’ve tried to keep in touch with her two daughters, but it’s been difficult–I need to keep strict ‘no contact’ with her and her family or else my recovery from this vampire will take even longer. It’s tough to say the least because I truly still love her or, as my T keeps reminding me, I love parts of her.

    • savorydish said

      Wow, 11 years. That’s rough. Even when you know the science behind it, it still leaves you scratching your head. It doesn’t seem to matter how much time or intimacy was shared. How can you not be bitter? It wouldn’t be so bad if they took the blame, but somehow they find a way of pinning it all on you.

      • gerry said

        Blame? You’re a funny guy!! In all the time I knew her, she never truly apologized a single time and I’d call her on it constantly. She was the queen of the back-handed apology: I.E. “I’m sorry that your feelings are hurt.” Well, to me, that’s not taking responsibility for hurting someone’s feelings. Dunno, should be way, way past all this, I guess, and yet I’m not. Guess it’s the whole “man’s inhumanity to man” thing. I’ve had relationship break-ups and been divorced and this is NOTHING like that in the least. It’s so much more miserable and difficult. But I guess you know exactly about what I’m talking about. It just sucks.

      • savorydish said

        Yeah it does suck. A borderline break up is no ordinary break up. I would call my ex on stuff all the time as well. And when things were good, she would actually take responsibility. In my case, she did apologize when she wanted me to stick around. But as soon as she split me black, the self-awareness mysteriously disappeared. As soon as she found a replacement, suddenly she wasn’t as accommodating. Funny how that works.

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