The Pot Calling the Kettle Crazy

November 10, 2010

I hope Skye doesn’t mind me using her as a reference point again, but her stories just seem to resonate with me. In particular, this story about her mom was very telling of borderline personalities. Skye believes her mom may have been borderline. But while Skye is very aware of her disorder, her mom was in complete denial:

My mom, as most Borderlines or Bi Polar’s, have a warped sense of reality. When I refresh (or used to) her memory about all the name callings, the door slammings, the laughing at me while I cried, she denies it. Says I’m crazy. Says I don’t know what I’m talking about.

BPs, like her mom, deny their disorder because it causes them shame. That is an internal pain the ultra-sensitive BP will fight to avoid. As you can see, being conscious of the disease makes all the difference in the world. Someone who is self-aware can control their behavior or at least feel remorse. But someone, who is in denial, is basically abusing people without acknowledging it.

More likely her mom does know it on some level, but she is so ashamed that she has blocked it out. When she calls Skye crazy, that is her mom projecting. She is not only relinquishing herself of any guilt but also discrediting her daughter. She is attempting to devalue her criticism. This is a classic BP defense mechanism. To a BP in denial, everyone is crazy except them.

A BP’s sensitive nature interprets criticism as an attack. This is why she is unable to accept her daughter’s reminder. An unaware borderline can not take criticism of any form. And that’s when a BP retaliates. This is the old “I know you are, but what am I” defense. If it seems childish, it’s because it is. Arrested development is part of the BPD package.

I know how frustrating it can be to have someone be abusive towards you and not even have the decency to own up to it. It is like salt in your wounds. But Skye has shown there is hope. She has taken steps to make sure the cycle of abuse stops with her and is not passed onto her daughters. Owning up to your abusive behavior is the first step to becoming a better person.

3 Responses to “The Pot Calling the Kettle Crazy”

  1. skyeee said

    I really appreciate this. Someone linked my newest entry of my blog to theirs with an opening that read, “and I thought I was borderline…” I found it pretty hurtful. It’s like no matter how much you try, and yes no one is perfect, it just isn’t enough.

    Thanks again, it really helps to have someone recognize the good and understand the evil.

    • savorydish said

      That is hurtful and says a lot about that person’s self-esteem and character. I know it’s tough when you have BPD, because even an insensitive comment like that can feel like a dagger in your heart. You would think as a fellow BP, that person would be more supportive and understanding. But sadly some BPs have an “every person for themselves” attitude. You’re doing your best and that is all that matters.

  2. […] that is emotionally tormented is left with scars that are harder to see. One borderline survivor, Skye, tells her therapist about her relationship with her mother and how it has affected her : I told him the feelings of constant worthlessness, the guilt, the […]

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