The Way We Were

August 30, 2010

One of the more popular topics on forums about Borderline Personality Disorder is the process of devaluation (splitting black). More specifically, after a BP has decided you were a mistake, does this process reverse itself? Do they ever return to idealizing you again? One forum poster believes it is a one time deal:

Hi….In my experience with my bpdex…..devaluation does reverse, but only for a little while. Once the honeymoon period is over, it is a downward spiral…..all that you believe you “had” between you, was not what you thought. The honeymoon period was not about you as a person, rather more about what he needed you to be for him ( if that makes sense ) After the first devaluation… gets much much worse. When he needs you again for a while he will be back, when he doesn’t he will discard you, its not about you at all, its about what he needs. That’s not meant to sound bad, its just in my experience….that’s the way it is ! There is no going back to what it was, because he can’t sustain it or cope with it…..the honeymoon period isn’t real ……I know that it feels real…………..but it isn’t… have to try and remember that. I found out that my ex had been seeing somebody ( for just 5 weeks ) when I met him ( I vaguely know this person). Apparently he had already told her that he loved her and had found his soulmate. When he met me he said I was the best thing that had ever happened to him……And now that he is with somebody new he tells me that she is ” really special ” Do you see what I mean….in someway people are interchangeable, they are desperately looking for love, think they have found it ( without really getting to know somebody) …

Sadly, BPs do seem to replace people quickly and without mercy, leaving exes feeling used and tossed aside. Many exes try to recapture that “special” feeling, only to find it only comes back for a little moment (when they need you). But most find it never goes back to the way it was.

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